Hello ISYN Blog,
I have an issue that I caused and I was wondering how to handle it, what to anticipate, etc.

Last summer I went on vacation with my family and they rented a XXXXX (edited, too specific)  and invited some of their family. The brother of my male employer and I (Im not going to sugar coat this) were attracted to each other and over the course of the next twelve days we began a physical relationship. He was married with children at the time. No one was the wiser. When I returned home, I received an email from him saying, "you don't know what it took to get your email address. Just want you to know that these past two weeks were two of the best of my life."

I did not respond.

This Thanksgiving, he and his wife had an altercation, seperated and he filed for divorce.

Spring Break, we are slated to travel to XXXXX where we all stay in the family chateau. I was just told this morning that the brother of my employer will be joining us with his children. 

I'm not hoping for wedding bells. I just want to get through this with some degree of dignity.
Any advice would be super appreciated.


Snow said...

My advice to you would be to get another job.

Get some boundaries and start conducting yourself as a professional.

It's nannies like you that give credence to the stereotype that all nannies are sex crazed preying upon the family members of the people the work for.

Nig nog nanny said...

Hey Snow don't be that stereotype!

I find it really annoying when the younger generation of nannies are stereotyped into being these sexed crazed woman who are coming into your home to just sleep with your husband or family members it's ridiculous !!!!

Speaking for the younger generation of nannies:

Lets just make it clear here that half of the time it's the men it's not the nannies!
Just imagine there's this young female walking around your home when your wife is at work it will always be in the back of there minds MEN are MEN married or not! So don't be such Damn stereotype! And I'm not saying that it's right just don't blame the nannies, because the men are the who are lacking the entertainment in there life's not the young nannies!

As for your situation if you love your job then avoid him! But I know that's hard if your attracted to each other the only issue here is that you had first engaged in physical activites when he was married so right there the family is going to think that you are the reason for there divorce! I would let him gradually advise the family that he's attracted to you and would like to get to know you better! Good luck this you should also be prepared to lose your job if they don't agree with this!

Sorry for being so blunt but someone's got to say it!

robinsparkles said...

I mean, I have no useful advice, but I am going to say that I'm going to steal this situation and write erotica based on it.

Nanny manny said...

Can't sit to read it robin sparkles, does Nig nog nanny get a feature in this erotica, she makes a great point being that all the younger attractive nannies are these sexed crazed woman!

Nanny manny said...

I meant can't wait to read it!

Snow said...

I 'm a young nanny.

While she can't control what the man thinks.

This nanny certainly could have controlled her behavior.

The ready and willing sex crazed nanny too many think all nannies are especially the young ones are.

She willingly fulfilled that stereotype. She will be getting no sympathy from me.

If the man wrote this note I would lay into him he did not, so she gets to be told.
She should get another job period.

She probably won't handle seeing the newly single brother with a new girl well.

She has already shown she can't control herself and act like a professional.

The brother could very easily make trouble for her down the line once he's sick of having her as a plaything.

There goes the job. Who is your boss going to choose his brother or you? If your bosses' wife founds out you can definitely forget about your job. No woman in her right mind would keep someone around who has already shown she has no problems sleeping with a married man.

She could kiss her career goodbye if this little tale gets out. Again no one wants that in their home.

Go ahead post your question to some mommy boards. See how they respond.

This will not go over well for her.

Get a new job and get out quietly before this blows up in your face.

If you intend to remain a nanny get some boundaries and grow up. This is a career not Sex & The City or a Lifetime movie.

I even question if being a nanny is for this girl.

Nig nog nanny said...

Like I had said I don't think it's right but what done is done.
And no woman would stand for this in her home I know that I surely wont! She can't go back in time and reverse this. Was it a professional thingto do? Absolutely not and if she did love her job she would of thought twice! But she didn't so I think the best solution for this would be to quit or be 100% honest!

And if this does surface the trust factor of being a nanny goes right out the window!

Truthfully you cant say that nannying may not be for her you have no idea what she does in this household so I don't know who you are to judge saying that a nanny job isn't for her!

BrooklynMomma said...

I agree with Snow. OP, if you are accompanying the family as their nanny, then you are doing so in a professional capacity. I think you completely obliterated any professional boundaries by sleeping with the dad boss' brother. Don't be surprised if this eventually blows up in your face and you end up looking like a fool.

Snow said...

OP cannot maintain professional boundaries. Maintaining those boundaries is a hallmark of a great nanny. She went against those when she chose to partake in the affair.

Even now she sees nothing wrong with her behavior and is seeking advice on how to carry on at a time when she should be doing the job she is paid to do care for the children.

I don't care if she stays up all night with newborn triplets, scrubs toilets, runs the kids to school 45 minutes away,sews their clothes, scripts puppet shows for playtime and makes every meal from scratch none of that makes up for or excuses her violating one of the important aspects of being a nanny.
Unless she learns to respect the professional boundaries of being a nanny, she is probably better suited to another career.

redrosebeetle said...

I'm not going to crucify the nanny. What's done is done. We're all human and we all make mistakes. Rest assured, this was a huge, career jeopardizing mistake that I hope this nanny learns from.

The only way for you to get through this with any dignity is to find a new job before spring break and give your notice. Let's walk through the possible scenarios if you stay with this job and go on spring break with this family:

1) You hook up with the BIL again and are caught (do you really think your run of luck will last?)

2) You don't hook up with BIL and he lets the cat out of the bag, whether on purpose or because someone pries it out of him.

3) I could go on, but, honestly, there's not enough in the letter about how you feel. You say you don't want wedding bells. Do you want a FWB relationship? To date this guy? To never see him again? Irregardless, it seems like he at least wants a nanny with benefits.

Find a new job while your reputation is still intact.

Reinette said...

OP, I would agree with the others that finding a new job is the best choice. If that's not possible, I would not recommend contacting him beforehand at all. When you do end up seeing him again, I would act as if nothing ever happened - be as professional, cool, and distant as you can without being rude. If he tries to find an opportunity to pull you aside or rekindle anything, tell him firmly but nicely that while you do enjoy his company you realized belatedly how much your job means to you and that you don't want to jeopardize it. I suppose there is a small chance that he'd try to get you fired in order to remove that obstacle, but frankly he could do that at any point and hasn't so far, so go into this assuming he has moved on and act as if you have too. Good luck.

Mrs. Muffin said...

Good imagination OP. you'll do wonders if you continue using your imagination. Some publishing company should take a look into your novel ideas. Very creative thinker!!

Kris said...

Oh please!! Who do you think you're fooling? "I don't expect wedding bells or anything" ...yea right! In fact, I bet you're thrilled and can't wait to be sneaky and lose your morals again. But you don't have any I begin with deciding your happiness is more important then having integrity! A) You're not sorry. B) You're just posting because you like attention! C) I hope you get canned! I feel sorry for whomever has hired you! Silly girl!

Ann O'Neemus said...

I call 'Troll'

and if you're not a troll you're a trollop (the English nannies on here will know what that means)