Tuesday

Stomach Flu Drive Thru

OPINION
Should I quit? I have been working for a family part time for about 7 months now. I got sick on Thursday with the stomach flu, literally could not move from my bathroom floor for about 24 hours. I called in sick and they said they understood, got back up child care and it was all good. My husband goes outside to get the mail on Friday and MB drives by, rolls down window and says, "Are you Audrey's husband?" he says yes and she goes, "Does she REALLY have the stomach flu?" He goes, "Watch out, don't get too close you may catch it from me as well. Yes, she really does." He comes back in and tells me what just happened and thought she was creepy. I am just seriously...WHAT?? Why the hell are you driving past my house? I have no idea what to do. It's sad she doesn't believe me but at the same time, I have given her no reason not to. I know a stomach virus seems iffy to people because you don't go to the doctor for it. Should I just keep my mouth shut or should I say something? If so, what? - Anonymous

37 comments:

knittynanny said...

That's completely inappropriate of her! I wouldn't quit immediately, but I would definitely be looking for a new job!

How far our of her way did she have to drive to check your story?

Sarah said...

That is completely insane! I would start looking for a new job. There is absolutely no trust. And it's completely violating your personal privacy to show up at your home.

Caring Mom All Day said...
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Lyn said...

Um, yes you should quit.

Manhattan Nanny said...

I think we generally expect of others what we ourselves would do. That is, if you are honest you assume others are as well. If she suspects you of lying, to the extent of checking up on you, she is probably untrustworthy herself. I would start looking for a new job. There will be trouble down the road.

Bethany said...

Great insight, Manhattan!

As others have said if you need the work find another job and quit.

I can't believe someone would actually do that.

practical cat said...

I think some of the responses saying to just quit are a little knee-jerky but this is definitely a huge red flag. If there is no trust, your job is not super stable, unfortunately. I would be looking for something else.

Caring Mom All Day said...
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fairy dust said...

Run forest run, lol, you made me laugh and that is just so wrong, caring mom! Great movie, just saw it last week! But yeah, doing a check in drive by? Thats just so weird in my book. I'd love to hear from OP how far this MB lives away from her, too. Please tell us, OP!

Erica said...

Personally, I wouldn't say anything because she'll probably bring it up first. (If she realizes just how crazy this was anyway!)

It sounds like your husband said all that needed to be said. Of course, you could always tote all your snotty napkins over to her house as proof! (kidding!)

Astral Plane said...

Does she live in your neighborhood? Is english her first language? If not, its possible she was trying to ask how sick you are, because she is concerned. I would be annoyed if she went out of her way to verify your story. That's just weird.

Nay The Nanny said...

Whether or not she was driving by the check up on you, it was totally inappropriate for her to basically ask your husband whether or not you were lying about being ill...I would be incredibly offended. But do you think maybe there is a slim chance that she was kidding?...(Just trying to think of the best case scenario.) Either way, what a bummer to already be feeling sick and then to have that added stress. :(

Calanna said...

How did she manage to time her driving by your house at the exact moment that your husband happened to go out to get the mail?

How did your DH recognize her as your MB, in order to answer her question? (If he didn't recognize her as your MB, I would imagine he would have been completely taken aback that some random stranger driving by would stop to ask about his wife's health.)

This sounds like a fishy post to me... but if not, her timing could be a very unlikely coincidence, or maybe she was parked down the street from you, watching your house to see if you left to go anywhere.

Either way, very strange, and I would definitely bring it up with MB and ask her why she did it.

ericsmomn said...

Maybe, she is on Google Earth View. Its pretty freaky. You can type in the persons address and see the surroundings. Kinda of freaky if you ask me. Maybe, she was on her IPhone and googled your house. Looking to see if your car was there or not.

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

Does she live in the neighborhood? If not, what a creepy stalker MomBoss.

Anyway, what she did was totally inappropriate. If she doesn't trust your word about a stomach bug, then how the hell does she trust you with her child(ren?) She must not.

You can call her out on it or keep quiet if you want.

But in the meantime, look for another job.
One where your boss respects you and trusts you like they should.

This woman is just weird.

Penny said...

Wow, just wow! Sadly, I am not surprised but I would be so offended too! To Calana- I can see why you would find this post fishy however, maybe her hubby has meet her employers at some point or has seen pictures. My husband has meet my employers at least 4 times and has seen pictures that I have taken of the kids and them together for projects to do with the kids (these pictures were on my camera and he saw them while shuffling through the memory.) Also, I am sure that she talks about her work day with her husband from time to time and has been familiar with them. In the past when I was single I worked for a family that would always ask if I needed anything & would sometimes pop by to give me Gatorade, crackers, ginger ale etc, simply because we were kind & caring and wanted me to feel better. But it sounds like the OP' boss clearly has trust issues that make her feel the need to check up on her nanny which I think is wrong just wrong especially since the OP has given zero reason to do something that nuts. I mean in any other job a boss wouldn't drive by to try to "catch" their employee in a lie. OP I would see this as a major red flag and try to address the issue to her. Tell her you just want to clear the air because trust is what your job is built on and it would be challenging for you to work in an environment where you are not trusted. It may open up for a way to move past the issue.

Melanie Raye Castor said...

The lack of trust concerns me. If I were in your situation, I would find a new job,and then leave.

Caring Mom All Day said...
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MissMannah said...

If everything else in the job is going well, I'd let it go. I'm really hoping this was some kind of weird coincidence and that the MB was joking.

If you've had other red flags, start looking for new work.

OP said...

OP here, read please. She asked if he was my husband and he said yes. I forgot to explain she did introduce herself, very swiftly and said, "Well she works for me.." and then went on to asking him if I was really sick. He has seen pictures of her because we are on facebook together and I have shown him pictures of her and her kids.

My drive to work is about 20 minutes in the morning. The only reason I can think of why she would be in area is because her DS goes to karate about 10 minutes away from me but he doesn't have karate on Friday. The only way I can think she has my address is through my back ground check?

Anyways, I didn't see her today because she is out of town but I really think I need to bring it up with her on Thursday when I see her but not sure if it's old news by then...

Calanna said...

Caring Mom All Day You wouldn't work with a family who hasn't met your husband? OK. I have worked as a Nanny and prior to that in many jobs in a food service profession, (I am 52, so over 30 years of work experience), and have NEVER had a need to have my employer meet my spouse.

Nashville Nanny said...

I agree with Calanna. I find it odd that CMAD wouldn't work for a family who hasn't met her whole "clan". I generally don't have a reason/opportunity to bring my spouse to work with me. He has met my current family because we were guests at my MB's concert, and we went backstage afterwards to say hello.

As for this MB doing a driveby, trust is apparently an issue for her. She clearly didn't believe OP, for whatever reason. If this was me, I would be 1)weirded out and 2)offended. I don't think the kneejerk reply of "find a new job" is the answer, but OP you definitely need to address it.

MissMannah said...

OP, I sure would hope your employer has your address and not only due to a background check!

If you feel the need to bring this up with her, go for it. Just try to stay very casual about it, saying something like "How'd you end up in my neck of the woods?" Odds are, she'll be embarrassed and explain herself.

Caring Mom All Day said...
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nannybear said...

Should you quit, NO. I think you should say something humorous (but serious) to the effect of "My husband said he saw you Friday! What a small world that you bumped into each other, wish I'd been feeling well enough to come out and say hello!" Honestly, she probably did want to check out your story, and I don't really see that as as big a red flag as others seem to. In the nanny profession, you are dealing with a lot more personal professional relationships than in any other profession, and sometimes Mom's can be a little crazy, maybe she had something scheduled that day and you being gone was a real hassle so she needed to feel better about you being gone by checking up on your story, if you are honest, and if you aren't hiding anything then why does it matter. I'm most definitely not accusing anyone of lying or faking sick, I just think if I was puking and my boss wanted to come see for herself that would be her decision to make, and her risk. I think If the job it self is good, and you enjoy the family/kids/pay, why rock the boat over something like this. If I call in sick, my boss asks me to see a doctor immediately to make sure its not something to worry about with the kids. She tells me she would like for me to stay home and rest and to call if i need anything. Don't make this mole hill into a mountain, give your MB the benefit of the doubt and just casually mention it and let her know that you know about it and leave it at that. I dont think this is an issue worth leaving/quitting your job over.

Nashville Nanny said...

It amazes me that you, CMAD, can never respond to someone who disagrees with or questions you without being defensive. "If you expect me to respect your choices, that starts with respecting mine." Was that necessary? Did I someway imply that I didn't agree with or didn't respect your choices? Nope. My exact words were "I find it odd". And I do.

Take it down a notch. This isn't the CMAD show. Jeez. I will be sure not to comment on anything you say from now on.

Calanna said...

C-MAD -- thank you for the explanation. It helps me understand what you said about not working for a family who hasn't met your spouse. You and I do indeed view the nanny-MB relationship very differently, but at least I understand better now where you were coming from when you said that.

I think in my case, having spent so many years as a nanny, I have learned that, being the very private person that I am, it is best for me to set boundaries right up front and keep the blending of my personal/professional lives to a minimum.

Caring Mom All Day said...
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Caring Mom All Day said...
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happy nanny said...

NN,
I might be wrong but I don't think c-mad meant that towards anyone here, I think it was meant towards those she works with.

Personally though, it would actually depend on the family for me. There have been some I got close with and didn't mind knowing my family. Yet others never in a million years would I introduce them to. The old stuffy folks type, you know what I mean. Like this parent seems to be.

Caring Mom All Day said...
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MaryPoppin'Pills said...

CM, no worries. I just paved the road for you and Published your first comment, lol. Hope that works for you.

Caring Mom All Day said...
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ericsmom said...

Caring Mom

Why does the family you work for need to have open arms to your family? I mean it is nice when the family will include your family members. I understand that socialization, whatever.

If you worked in an office it wouldn't be like that. If you were a nurse or doctor you couldn't have your husband tag along. Why is it a requirement?

Also, this is bugging me....did you have your baby?