Saturday

How to Quit in a Close Community?

OPINION
Hi readers! I hope this doesn’t sound confusing to anyone, because this is sort of a unique situation and not many people can understand when I tell them about it. In 2007, when I was a junior in high school, I started working for a grandmother at my church. I would go to her house most days after school, and help with her 8 grandchildren. They ranged in age from 13 to 6 month. It was chaos. That summer, when I didn’t have school, I went to full time and switched between two of the grandmother’s daughters’ houses full time. They each have 2 girls. One set was twin girls, the other set were 2 girls (5 years apart). I went back to them full time when I graduated high school and stayed with the two families until the girls were ready for school and all grown up. I still babysit for the girls that are 5 years apart in age. Their mom goes out once a month and needs me to watch her girls on some Saturdays, and other odd days as well.

Here’s my problem: Her youngest daughter (aged 6 now, was 6 months when I started) is completely disrespectful toward me. She calls me names. Comments on my clothing, my hair, everything. Her older sister used to be critical and mean to me too, but not to this degree. Their mother is not the nicest person, either. She often cuts me down for not having continued my education after I got my associates degree, and just talks to me like I’m completely stupid. I can see where the 6 year old is learning to speak to me, but it still doesn’t excuse it. I had been set to tell the mom I wouldn’t be able to continue coming over anymore almost a year ago, but then I realized how hard that would be. I go to church with this woman. I see her every week. One of her nieces is in my Sunday School class. But honestly, after this last time I don’t think I can take it anymore. The extra money is nice, but not worth it at all. I could tell you so many stories about what I’ve had to endure from these people. For example, the mother is always late. Not 5 minutes late. Like…hours late. And doesn’t even apologize. Monday, I was putting laundry away, and I asked the 5 year old whose sock I had and she tells me “You’re so stupid. You should really use your brain more. Mom says you need to stop being lazy and go to college”. I have so many more, but this incident is the most fresh in my mind. I guess my point is: How on earth do you quit a job you only go to once a month? (Sorry I ramble on so much. Please don’t yell at me for it) - Anonymous
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Please be respectful of OP's. Thank you!

21 comments:

canadiannanny said...

I may be wrong here, but since you are in such a tight community with these people maybe next time she asks you to watch her children, tell her you're busy, if you are busy the first few times that she asks you, she will hopefully find a new sitter?

Taleia said...

Canadiannanny, that's EXACTLY what I was gonna say! Especially if it's sporadic thing, that's a no-hassle way to say sayonara. :)

MissMannah said...

I guess I got a different impression from this post, because I thought OP goes to this family's house on regularly scheduled days. If PPs are right and you don't have a set schedule, just tell her you're busy. No muss, no fuss. But if you are a regular employee, tell her you don't want to work for them anymore. It doesn't have to matter that you see the family every week. You should not be enduring all this nonsense from both the mom and the kids.

Aria said...

I relate to how uncomfortable that can be, but I agree that you should just explain that it's not a good fit anymore and quit. It might be awkward, but it's better than staying and putting up with that. By the way, reading that made me really angry - I can only imagine how you feel! Good luck.

Aria said...

Also, if possible, the "I'm busy" thing is also a good idea! Non-confrontational.

Lyn said...

Ouch! I don't know how you've put up with that for so long OP! If I were you I'd just tell MB that I was taking a long break from babysitting to focus on other things. Since you see them often I wouldn't flat out "quit".

straight forward gypsy said...

I wouldn't avoid the issues & lie about being busy. Although it is certainly the most non-confrontational option, for the time being. But eventually she will realize you're just avoiding her. I think she will twist this to make you look flakey, unreliable...dishonest. I would take back control. Id write mom a letter, including the comments her child made about you needing to go to college(according to mom). Be strong & let her know that you can only tolerate being verbally abused for so long. That you have the option of rfemoving people who do no respect you from your life. I think this would be a good move. BUT its one you would have to carefully think out. Anything you write can't be taken back-so Id keep it very factual & non-judgmental, keep it about YOU, not them. And of course make a copy. Because you could count on mom spreading lies about what you said. In that case, I would sit by silently while she spread the lies, let them grow & let her talk-for a few months. Only THEN would I correct her by sharing a copy of the actual letter. Bottom line, avoiding only drags out having to deal with her. Being honest gives you your power back & let's mom know why you left & that you are capable of standing up for yourself! Best wishes.

ericsmom said...

These moms are very demeaning to you. It seems they have nothing better to do than talk about you behind your back.

Tell her your busy taking a college course. Everytime they ask tell them "sorry I am taking a class that day". Just to drive them crazy. Whenever they ask tell them you have a class.

They will get it.

utnanny said...

That would be hard still having to see them every week. I too am not clear as to whether or not you work for them full time. If so I would simply tell them that you have found another job and it is time for you to move on. If you are only there once a month or so I would tell her that you have to many things going on and that you need to cut back on some commitments and you wish them the best of luck.

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

If I were you, I would just tell them that I am focusing now on my education and thus will no longer be doing any babysitting gigs for now.

That should do it.

RBTC said...

i like what straight forward, ericsmom and amy said

if you feel like confronting with the letter - do it - it will be a life lesson in learning to stand up to those who are abusive and accusatory/name calling - you are never obligated to put up with that

Just ignoring abusers can be rewarding their behavior

Also - another poster on another thread made the point that you may need to be non confrontational if you expect to get work, either choice is reasonable

the response - " i have a class that day" or "i am studing for a quiz" is priceless

get out of there

let us know what happens

RBTC said...

i just had another thought - is this lady a power figure in your community? In some communities the toxic squeaky wheel, so to speak,has power and friends based on like mindedness or even fear

in other cases - the toxic person is widely known to be a jerk to just about everyone and anything bad she says about you will be laughed off

in any case, whatever your decision - if she gives you a hard time or bad mouths you - tell her you would like to have some counseling with her and your pastor to work it out - that will put the fear of God into her

it scares jerks to be confronted on their behavior

best wishes

OP said...

Thanks so much for all of your advice! I really like the idea of telling her I have a class or I have to study. That'll make her shut up about my "laziness" and also give me a good excuse to stop going there. I could even make it the truth by taking an online course (I've been wanting to do that).


Just to clear things up: I used to work full time for them, but not anymore. I babysit a few times a month. She's a single mom and needs extra help sometimes.

RBTC: she's sort of A power figure. She's a teacher. She also has a lot of money and donates a lot to the church, so she pretty much has it in her pocket.

RBTC said...

Op - i was hoping she was not the A type, but - you have a good head on your shoulders - 10 years from now - YOU will be the leader and show a good example - let us know what happens

Village said...

Price yourself out of her market. Find your price point just for her. She'd have to pay me X for me to want to work for her. Then quote her X. It should be a very big number.



blurp said...

OP, talk to your pastor/minister about it. Tell them you are going to quit and would like him/her to pray for it to go peacefully. That way, if the mom starts spreading shit about you the pastor/minister will already have heard the truth from you.

Lyn said...

I love the price point idea!!!

Melanie Raye Castor said...

I love blurp's idea of talking to the pastor about it and getting him to pray...that's awesome!!!

MissMannah said...

Blurp, that is incredibly passive-aggressive.

RBTC said...

blurp's idea is a good one. I do not think blurp meant it as a bad action but as insurance, so to speak, the pastor may be able to help if the A mb bad mouths her

But blurp's idea is good as long as the pastor has reasonable integrity - if he does, he has seen it all and he will know how the type A mb is, and handle her

but - if he is weak and in her pocket because of the money, the Op should not go to him

A prayer or good thought can never ever hurt

Caring Mom All Day said...

I think pricing too high is tacky and game playing.