Facing Up to DB's Put Downs

I need help or advice. My issue is with DB. I don't think he is a bad guy, but I think he is a know it all, and has a problem letting me do my job or backing me up on anything I do or suggest. He works at home so he is always watching and waiting for me to do something wrong I suppose, and interfering with my job. My other issue is that he favors one of the kids big time. For example if one kid is crying he could barely be bothered. If the other kid so much as sniffles he is all over the kid like a mother hen. I'm starting to get extremely annoyed.

To be honest, the last week or so I've been very short tempered when it comes to DB. Not yelling or anything, but I haven't been at my finest. It's taken everything in me not to have it out with this guy. I'm at the point where I think I will no longer have a job. I think I will either quit or I will be let go. I am angry. Is it worth discussing the situation with him and MB? If it is, how would you go about it as a nanny? Thanks. - Anonymous
Edited to remove identifying information August 25, 2012. - MPP


RaleighWorld said...

Definitely talk to the mom! I did and I felt great after because she had no idea that he did this.

Tho my DB doesn't work from home he used to take any chance I got to challenge me about my knowledge of child development.. I've been a nanny for 7 years, been babysitting for 12. Their only child is 10 months. He said, while looking at his son, that I wasn't a good teacher. I thought he was kidding then he sent me an email wanting me to list everything I was teaching his baby. I did it and it's a two page essay pretty much.

I did talk to the mom and she was not happy that he had hurt my feelings and had degraded me like that. Although he acts mad that I on him he hasn't made any comments. I cab live with that.

If you're not happy they need to know. It means more work for you looking fire another job and more work for them trying to find a new nanny so try to work it out before giving them that letter. Good luck!

op said...

MPP would you mind deleting this post? Thanks. I don't want it to cause more trouble for me.

MissMannah said...

I'm afraid if you talk to the mom about it and she supports you, it might make things worse during the day. He may stop the comments but he might develop ungodly high expectations, knowing you'll fail. Men don't like it when their wife doesn't support you and either one of them might see it as you trying to come between their marriage. I think it worked out well for Raleigh because her DB wasn't at home all the time.

If it was me, I'd start looking for another job.

As for the favoritism, there's nothing you can do about that other than showing the unfavored child lots of love.

RBTC said...

op - you are in a bad spot i can tell you from personal experience 2 things will happen --

a. you have to suck up a bad boss to keep a job

b. you finally get enough - i have been thru that - you get enough and then you stand up for yourself - then

a.1. they fire you

b.1 they know they have a good nanny and they stop the b.s. - highly unlikely but possible

i believe you will not be able in your heart and spirit to take his toxicness on a daily basis so you do need to talk to the mom if you want to stay there so it might change

but - be prepared to get another job

best wishes - i think most of us have been there

Village said...

Those born with a critical spirit are born with a critical spirit. It's not going to change. Why do you think he works from home? He may have a problem playing well with others.

Talking with the MB will do no good. Like she doesn't know? And let me guess. He is favoring the boy over the girl, right?

First, get a letter of recommendation NOW! You need it for babysitting gigs, and get it from MB.

Then, once you have that in your hand, back him off. Do it nicely and matter of fact. Such as, you are not familiar with the need for consistency? You are not familiar with the harm done when obviously favoring on child over another? You are not familiar with . . . whatever it is you want him to stop doing.

And I doubt DB will recognize himself here. Most bullies don't.

missmary said...

Is this is NY? I interviewed with a family who this sounds like, when they dropped the WAHD bomb on me. no thanks.

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

I personally would NEVER take a job where a parent is in the home. I have done these types of jobs enough times to know they are the worst! Only recipes for disaster in my book!

The parent will usually interfere, you will feel like you are constantly being watched (which you usually are!) and most of the time the child acts much different knowing the parent is still home.

If you keep your anger inside, you will one day blow a fuse over something small. I think you should talk to Dad NOW before it is too late. Simply state you need more autonomy with the kids and that you would prefer if he didn't interfere or criticize you. If he makes and effort to change his ways that would be awesome. However, he may be set in his ways and unable to change.

If that is the case, seek another job.

One where both parents work outside of the home.

MissMannah said...

Amy, not all WAHPs are hard to work for. Don't discourage the OP from taking another job for one just because you dislike them.

Bethany said...

WAHPS can be great. You might be better suited to jobs where the parent is out of the home.

Parents parent. It's what they do. It can be hard for them to hand over the reigns to another person for large portions of the day, as I'm sure you know from your teaching experience.
Sounds like you've met with a not so great one.

I don't think there is anything you can do in this situation. Unfortunately. Doesn't seem like he would be interested in anything you have to say and you can be certain the wife will back her husband.

It's sad for the kids with the favoring.

Bethany said...

Don't know what went wrong with my post, but I meant to say I don't understand faavoring o ne child over the other.

I've seen it so many time as a nanny, teacher, and even in my own family.

It truly cause so much harm.

Wonder if he realizes he is favoring one of the other, sometimes I don't think the paren realizes what they are doing.

no moniker #1 said...

Re-post for Anonymous...
time for a new job. let the asshole care for his own kids. don't forget to mention to both him and mb that it's really sad he favors one kid over the other, too... and i nanny for a wahm and it's hell.

curious said...

OP, why do you want this deleted? It was just posted! Do you know how many stories like this there are ALL OVER the US? Hell, ISYN had 2-3 up very close to this subject in just the past month or two alone, so just relax! The family will never guess its from you. ;)

You'd be surprised how rampant favoritism is. I live with a family where my DB does the same damn thing for his son and treats his daughter like she doesn't even exist, it makes me sick. Whatever happened to "daddy's little girl"?

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

I see favoritism a lot due to age.

It is usually the "baby" that gets treated much better than older children.

knittynanny said...

I don't think Amy discouraged anyone.

All she said was "personally, I would never" in she wouldn't do it herself. She didn't tell the OP "don't do it!"

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

Thanks knittynanny...that is so true. Miss Mannah, like usual, is trying to get me all riled up. I just simply ignored her since I won't give her the satisfaction of getting to me.

To each his own.

Lyn said...

I definitely wouldn't mention it to the MB. The best things you can do are take care of yourself (get a letter of recommendation so that you won't have a gap in your work history should you leave and they decide not to give you a reference!), give extra cuddles and love to whichever child needs those moments, treat work like work, and find a better situation.

RBTC said...

amy - your opinions are valued - keep it up !

MissMannah said...

I was basing my post off this:

"If that is the case, seek another job.

One where both parents work outside of the home."

If that isn't discouraging OP from WAHPs, I don't know what is.

Totally been there...... said...

I took a nanny job for a SAHD like this once. I feel for you honey. It is very hard to be constantly watched over and made to feel like that. The family I nannied for had 2 kids, several years apart, and there was a big favoritism issue with the dad and oldest child. He really could have cares less for the baby. :(
Eventually I got so tired of him I walked out. I literally handed him the baby, said "I am sorry, I can no longer work with you" and walked out of the house while calling MB to let her know. I did agree with her to finish out the week with the kids so she could arrange other childcare, but at MY house. A month later I saw her at the store, and she said they blew through 2 other nannies after me, both quitting because of DB, and ended up putting the baby in daycare (older was in school). lol
The next nanny job I got was with a WAHM, and it was the best nanny job I've eer had. Sometimes it works with stay at home parents, sometimes it doesnt.
Best of luck to you OP, honestly, you may need to decide weather you really want to continue with this family or not. He will likely not change, weather you talk to MB or not. It might be time to call it a day, and start looking for a new job. :)

Pain the in a said...

Quit. Start finding another job. What a pain in the ass he sounds like. It will not go well. He won't change. You can remove this from your life. Hy that reference letter and go bye bye!!