Tuesday

In too Deep

OPINION
Imagine me, devoted nanny of 7 months, sitting here in stunned disbelief in front of my MB's laptop as my one year old son and her 9 month old son play, the 3 year old and 6 year old are alseep in the room next door. She had just whipped out of the house a half an hour ago proclaiming her husband to be unfair, sloppy, irresponsible and cruel and asked me to write the letter of recommendation he had asked her to write before saying "if you could please finish it by ten and send it to me that would be best, the kids will sleep until then, thanks!" and with that she was gone. I will not make this whole post a narrative as it would go on forever but I do wonder how I got to this point. I am looking for a job right now behind my back even though I committed myself to a year, but she has turned around on almost everything she offered me at the get go.

These are the positives about my position: -MB doesn't mind that I don't have a car and use either public transportation or get rides from my husband or my father. -MB lets me wash my LOs things along with the family's things. -MB lets me eat her food. Negatives about my position: -I work 10/11 hours 6/7 days a week and only get paid $15 dollars in overtime after I've worked 11 hours. I get 450 a week. We live in Boston. -MB "insists" that I "don't clean" but then leaves the sink so full of dishes that I can not prepare anything for the kids without emptying out the sink. -Even though MB tries to make it appear that she doesn't want me to "do certain things" she will complain if they are not done. One time her husband threatened her with a divorce and she actually blamed me for not keeping the house clean. She also got upset at me for not COMPLETELY REORGANIZING the kids room while all that week her kids were very emotional fragile and I was tending to those needs as I constantly updated her on and she OKd. She apologized for this outburst she had at me. -MBs parents are visiting from India. Her mom leaves things all over the kitchen floor and there are triple the dishes. -I sweep the whole first floor every day. -Every other day I take all the rugs out side and fan them out. Every two weeks I wash the rugs that fit in the washing machine. -I do the whole family's laundry, folding and all. Sometimes I have to put away MBs/DBs laundry. -MB is always asking me for "favors" i.e., her parents were coming a day earlier than expected and she had me completely clean the whole entire house, three bedrooms three bathrooms, in 12 hours with out extra compensation.

Her parents went to New York about a week ago and on the day they were to return she asked me to make their bed. Knowing I have a writing background, she set me up with her husband to "help him" write his personal statement for medical fellowship. I spent about ten hours with this guy and then he didn't do any revisions on what we did together, sent it to a guy that he works with, and then sent it back to me and had me rework it and finalize it on my day off. I did get paid an extra $100 for this but then today MB throws another assignment at me with the assumption that her children will not wake before 10. Do you know your children? I guess I shouldn't be sitting here writing this.... -What has been driving me up a wall is that during our big argument I told MB that I'm not a housekeeper and she told me that she could get somebody to live with her who cooks and cleans ...as though I don't cook and clean. She just doesn't think anything less than a full Indian meal is cooking. She also told me she doesn't expect me to mop the floors but then the day I returned from my two week vacation she told me she wants me to swiffer mop the floor every time her 9 month old spits up. And he spits up a lot. I do not understand why a sponge would not suffice. -She "gave me" two weeks off...unpaid. Then the day I got back, June 25th, she told me that she and the kids were going for a week to UAE on July 29th and that I would be getting another week off, unpaid....... -She was supposed to be working 24 hours shifts and told me she would pay me overtime after 22 hours working because, you see, I'm "technically" working for two days when I do a 24 hour shift...and I have the whole next day off...no big deal, right?

Many may wonder why I do this, why I let things get this far and this deep. I potty trained the 3 year old, I helped the 6 year old go up 3 levels in reading in less than 3 months. I have been attentive and loving to the 9 month old. And I truly do like MB. She is sweet and kind and she really cares about her work and her patients and I have respect for her. I definitely feel like a maid but I can NOT lose my job. I nannied only once before (I have worked with children in other capacities since I was 14 years old, I' m now 22), but I didn't have a child then and I was paid 10 dollars an hour to watch after an 18 month old and it was great. I love kids and I am well versed and educated. I graduated from the best high school in Boston and then went to the best school there is for working with children but then I got pregnant and my husband and I decided to keep our son despite our fiscal situation. I had problems with my milk supply when I went back to school and then my husband got injured on his job without compensation and couldn't work for a while and went uncompensated. Even now he is just starting work in a week which means that SOMEHOW in Boston I've managed to take my 1800$ a month salary and pay for food, clothes, car insurance, and rent without government aid.

Anyway, I decided to take the year off so that I could nurse my son for a year and so that my husband may heal. School had always been so easy for me before and I am getting back into a program this coming month (on line and then will merge into campus courses). I got back into what I know (kids) and took up a nannying position where somebody would allow my son to come along at a reduced rate but then a friend of mine were going through the math and I realized that I get paid under 7$ an hour most weeks. I think have allowed the shame and self loathing of having a child before I was fully prepared to let this woman take advantage of my hard work. I know I am not the housekeeper or the laundress....but what do I do now that I am in so deep? What do I do when I am in a position where I have a child to provide for and many are apprehensive about employing a nanny who brings her own child along for a fair rate?

46 comments:

Aries said...

Oh Wow i am so sorry, this job seems horrible. Please get out as fast as you possibly can. Not only is this woman selfish and self-centered, she does not appreciate you whatssoever. And it will only get worse.

Honestly, please don't give up on searching for a better family, there are tons out there who will appreciate you and your worth. And please don't stay in a miserable enviorment just because of the children. They will get over it and they will be fine. Think about yourself an your sons well-being, he will pick up on the negativity.

Try looking on Care, sittercity, craigslist. And once you find a family, throw it in MB's face. She probably assumes you need her and won't quit, prove her wrong.

Also, give her the least amount of notice (2 weeks tops). And that's being nice.

I also wonder if theres anything legally you could do? I believe there is, not only is she not following the contract at all, she's not paying you correctly.

Goodluck and i hope you get out soon.

Lyn said...

This is on you. You let yourself agree to do things that are not in your job description. Find another family and take the time to write out a good contract for yourself and STICK TO IT. A contract means absolutely nothing if you ignore it.


And what does your milk suply have to do with you letting yourself be taken advantage of?

OP said...

I'm sorry I know my post was uncoordinated as I was trying to write a lot in a small amount of time while caring for the babies so I'm sure more than a few points weren't clear. The reference to my supply was just part of the background as to why I decided it would be okay to take time off from school to find a nannying position that I could bring my son to. I was saying though that I think I let myself be treated this way as though I deserve it because my husband and I had not prepared for a child money-wise.


Howevermuch it would have been ideal for me to get my degree before having children I can not and do not begrudge my son. I just wish I could give him more though he does seem to love having friends!

Also, I am very clear that this is totally on me (too many "okays!" And "no problems" on my behalf) and in that same notion I am afraid of losing my job as I have a family to support/bills to pay. Also on me.

bostonnanny said...

Op I worked for an Indian family who were doctors for three years and a lot of the issues you have are very cultural especially if they weren't born in the US. From my experience with my previous employers and working with other indian families, you must be completely direct with how you want to be treated and what you expect. They seem to seek the cheapest childcare possible and expect everything to be done because in India labor is dirt cheap and they still have a class system.
There is no way that you can fix any of the issues now and you must find a new position. They will have no problem replacing you because they have no emotional attachment, you are the help and will always be treated that way. If I didn't stand up for myself in my interview and demand my benefits, they would have never given them to me. Same with my pay rate.
I would ask for a raise and politely explain why you deserve it. If they aren't willing then quit, contact the better business bureau and IRS.
I personally will never accept a job from another Indian family because of my experience which was a lot better then yours but still left a bad taste in my mouth. I was lucky enough to leave on excellent terms but by the end I was extremely resentful.

Lyn said...

On the brightside, your husband is starting a new job soon! Congrats! I can imagine what a HUGE stress reliever that is in and of itself. I'm glad youve started looking for another family to work for. And I hope you'll be strong in standing beside your contract in the future. Usually it only takes one of these experiences to give us a stronger backbone. I remember the ways I would bend my contract for the first family I worked for. It just makes you resentful of them after a while. Whether you like them or not. It's a bummer. Good for you for realizing what's gone wrong though and which parts are the fault of your employers and which parts are the fault of yourself.
Ideally, you'll be able to find a job that will let you start right away. But the market is tough right now. It may take a few more months of being with this family.

bostonnanny said...

You can get a better paying job at a daycare and have your son attend it for free or at a cost reduction. You should also apply for wic and for a daycare voucher. I know you don't want to take from the system but working a position like that is not good for your son. You are living beneath the poverty line and as long as you don't abuse the help you get, I see no shame in accepting it. Also look for families in Cambridge/Somerville looking for a nanny. Many in that area are open to nanny shares and nannies looking to bring their child. In Boston you can get $10 per hour bringing your own child. I would also consider waitressing at night while your husband watches your son. You will make more money doing that then you are now.

Lyn said...

Boston nanny makes a good point. Waitressing at night while your hubs watches your son would pay you more hourly than you are making now. If you did that and found a part time daytime family that is okay with you bringing your son you would be making the same pay (if not better), still providing care for you son and no longer have to deal with this family. A daycare job is also a good idea.

♥ Amy Darling ♥ said...

Ouch..so sorry to hear this...you sure are in a tough spot OP.

Anyway, considering you have four children (all together!!) to care for and still manage to cook and clean for this family speaks volumes to me on what a great Nanny you are. They are definitely taking advantage of your services by not living up to the contract.

It's so easy to say, "Oh...just leave and find another job." But I KNOW it is VERY tough now to find a Nanny job in general, perhaps even tougher since you need to bring along a baby too. I would weight my options here.

You might be able to find a daycare where you can bring along your baby. It may take some time, but it is a possibility. Also, when your husband is home, can he watch the baby while you work a better-paying job?

Anyway, do not be ashamed of asking for financial assistance from the government. Thank God we live in a country that provides excellent social services so that families can survive.

Maybe you can get help w/your meals w/food stamps. Or try WIC as well. If you can also get childcare assistance and Medicaid for the baby that would be great too.

I would hate to see you stick around and be taken advantage of on a day to day basis by these people.

Your son and you deserve more.

Best of luck to you and him. ♥

Beezus said...

I know how hard it can be to find a nanny job when you don't have a car available to you! I sold my car a few years back because I had just been in a really bad accident and I was planning on traveling. I used the money I made from it to do a lot of cool things, but I'm not going to say it has been easy since. I'm lucky to live in an area where I don't necessarily need to have one, but it would definitely make difference in the type of nanny jobs that I am offered. Do you have your license? Most families that I work for have supplied a car for me to use with their children. If you don't have one yet, I would say maybe try working on getting one-it could make a big difference. I don't have any children, but I agree with whoever mentioned working at a day care center. You could bring your son and make some cash. Sounds like a good deal.
And there is no shame in getting help from the government if you truly need it. That's what it's there for. Food stamps can be very helpful and they are very generous with the baby care items like diapers,formula and such. And you NEED to have insurance for yourself and your son! It is so important. I know medicaid has been made a lot easier to enroll in-at least in NY. All you have to do is mail in the application. They don't even require a visit to the Social service office anymore. (I used to work for social services medicaid so I know first hand.) Either way, I wish you and your little family the best of luck! :)

bostonnanny said...

She will qualify for mass health and husband should quailfy for commonwealth health. MA is one of the only states that offer subsidized healthcare which is what the new healthcare bill is based off of. In the united states no child will ever go without healthcare no matter what state you live in. You need to go speak with a social worker immediately and they can help get you the support you need. If you were single, even more benefits would be offered such as grants for college. MA is a very liberal state and there are many sources of support if you look for it. Don't be ashamed, your child needs you to help him anyway you can.

You can apply for mass health online, you will to go see a social worker to get any other services tho.

outskirt said...

Anyone else ever feel like bostonnanny is the unofficial mayor of Massachusettes?

OP said...

Just a quick update as I'm buried in children and chores! Because I'm 22 and a student I get my parents insurance. My son and my husband have masshealth. I never thought of it as government aid but I suppose it is!

Just a little vent: MB expecTs me to leave all of her baby bottles clean when I leave but when I come in the morning there are usually only dirty bottles (next to the full sink) sO I end up washes bottles and dishes made in my absence.

Yesterday I took the kids out to get ice cream an a going away gift for their grandoparents who are leaving tomorrow after two months (thank goodness) and she met up with us to take kids home so I could just hop on the subway to my home. I am usually home by the time she gets home so this doesn't usually happen. I told her baby drank two bottles and also that there is left over food that needs to be put in the fridge. This was 530 pm yesterday. Guess what I found in the diaper bag today? Yep, all of yesterdays leftovers and the two empty bottles I told her about. It is not uncommmon for her to do things of this nature. Am I feeling justifiably miffed?

bostonnanny said...

Outskirt,
I happen to have opinions and knowledge about my area that I share to help individuals on this site. I don't speak about things I haven't educated myself on or about other areas. I like to know the ins and outs of my area or any area I plan on moving to so that I know what to expect. If I know something that could be beneficial to others I will share especially if it will make their lives a little easier. Everyone provided great advice, I was just able to give more specific information because I believe most of the other pps are not from Boston. I thought that by giving specifics I could narrow OPs searches and save her time if she chose to seek support. I also provided my opinion on the matter. If op needed anymore information that I could provide I would because it's the nice thing to do.
If you don't like that I am knowledgable about where I live then please ignore my comments.

NannyBrandie said...

Get out of that job ASAP, start interviewing with other families and stand up for yourself. You are obviously a very hard worker and it is crazy what she is making you do for what she pays you.

Are you on the books or off the books? If you are getting paid under 7$ an hour on the books, that is illegal, and you are also entitled to Over time pay.

A fair rate for bringing your child to a nanny job for me would be 12$ and hour in Boston.

MissMannah said...

OP, I really hate to say this but that's what it is like working for an Indian family. Just like Boston Nanny said, they have a caste system in their country and for some reason Indian employers try to utilize it here. You will not be able to change this situation so you need to just leave. I agree with the PPs that you ought to look into working at a daycare that you can send your baby to for free or cheap.

Re: bottles and food in the diaper bag. I had that sort of thing happen All The Time when I worked for an Indian mom (also a doctor, naturally). I knew better than to tell her what was in the child's backpack because it would just stay there. I had to physically hand it to her right before I walked out the door.

I'm glad you accept some of the responsibility here too. When the mom said "no housework" you really should have taken her at her word and not did anything. Another family I worked for would pile the sink up with dirty dishes everyday but I did not wash them because I was not paid enough to do that. I would just move them out of my way, even though it was totally gross with caked-on food.

Before someone accusing me of being racist, I'll just say I am Indian. I thought that would endear me to my former bosses a little, because we had something in common. Nope, apparently the city my grandmother was from is total slums and they looked down on me all the time as a result.

YouDeserveSoMuchBetter said...

From one momma to another, stop parenting from a place of guilt. It has NO place in parenting. I was a teen mom & I felt extremely guilty. Learn to be confident. You're awesome!!! You just don't realize it. Once you realize how awesome you are, you're grow more confident & command more respect. Hate to say it, but this is how Indian families are. The wives are brought from India to serve the entire household including the grooms parents, they're enslaved. You CAN & WILL find a suitable position. But not before you can see yourself as I see you. Awesome!

Melanie Raye Castor said...

OP, in line with what previous posters have said, you really do deserve better. You sound like a fantastic nanny,and I wish you all the best with finding a new job.

Healthy-Boundries said...

I bet if you stopped doing just ONE task per week, you would feel sooooooo sooo much better about yourself. This is the ultimate chance for you to TAKE CONTROL of yourself & your life. We are behind you 100000%!! Come up with a mantra & practice it aloud. Example,"We agreed that I would be the nanny not the housekeeper." REFUSE to do the dishes. Or do them extremely slow. I mean take an hour to wash a single dish. Just scrub it over & over again!! Stay with the baby & baby related chores ONLY. If you need a break.....go to the restroom & regroup. I wish I could text you for support. Can you text a friend throught the day for support? You're such a strong person. I know you can stand up for yourself. Do you think you can go to work with the solid decision that you will NO longer do dishes? Can you pretend you're someone else for the day? Pretend your this "new" nanny who have healthy boundries. Let them be upset over it. That's NOT your problem!!!!! Do you think u can do this???

Katie said...

I think daycare job is the best bet for you and your son. There is also the chance you could get healthcare coverage if you worked for a center.

Now, I don't live in Boston, but since it's a big city I assume nanny wages are tons better than what you've got going now. I'd also assume the same for daycare.

I hope things work out for you.

Melanie Raye Castor said...

@bostonnanny- I just wanted to say how impressed I am with your knowledge about stuff in your state!
It makes you a real asset.

I live in Auckland, New Zealand, and I am both challenged and encouraged by your example to find out more about that kind of stuff here.

ericsmom said...

Boston Nanny thanks for all the information. Honestly, I was looking into moving to Mass. Now I don't think we will. My son is in a great school with a great program for him. So I would never pull him out.

But can I ask you if you know anything about Sandwich, Mass? I was looking into that area.

Thanks

life-sux said...

What makes u guys think she can get free food stamps & medical??? If her husband is working, I seriously doubt she can. When I was pregnant, my overall health went from okay to very poor & I was suffering from shingles, a bladder disease and plenty of other ailments that were once annoying & with pregnancy, turned debilitating. I had to close my daycare. We applied for help with food & medical bills. But because my husband was working & making around $10 an HOUR, we were denied!! The lady at social services did make sure we knew that if we were here illegally, we would qualify & that my. Hosp stay would be FREE. My stay & our sons stay costed us around $10,000. In order to get food stamps & help with medical, you can't have ur husband working. We lost our six months of savings and our mortgage that was once paid six months in advance, fell behind. The system is a mess. I seriously doubt OP would qualify for anything more than WIC. I think she should, but in my experience if he is making $10 or more full time, they will be denied. Before u say my husband should've had a better job.....he only got it for the medical. And he had been mKing four times as much in construction, when work slowed in 2007 and he was laid off. His $10 an hour job was as a manager of a grocery store. Depressing!!

Not bashing a certain culture said...

So it's very interesting to hear your experience. So I'm working part time for a family who are both Indian physicians and the husband is so nice. Like today when the kid was whiny he said "Nanny name is in charge". Or hey thanks for organizing the kids clothes it's so much easier. Mom is nice but she says stuff like "can you blend that more, too much syrup on the pancakes, not enough spice" etc it's always a negative that comes out of her mouth. I adore the kids but man she has deviated so much from our agreement. I'm watering plants and loading the dishwasher (like a weeks worth of dishes), vacuuming the floor, making her bed, taking out the trash cans etc. the plus side is they are flexible with my schedule for school and I know not many other people are. They don't reimburse the 100 miles a month I drive for them. And man they are messy and dirty. The kids don't bathe nearly enough. The high chair had mouse poop in it once!!! Because they don't clean enough. And supposedly have a housekeeper who comes once a week. I'm starting to not believe that anymore. And can I just say, what kind of loser doc can't even write his own stuff. Clearly he is a lame doc and takes no pride in himself. So this is what I have decided to do since. I've just been making crappy bland dinners, overcooking the damn Indian rice, spray the plants so they look wet, making ugly beds, and doing a superficial floor cleaning. It's not my job. I'm there for the kids. I do everything else well- the things I get paid to.

Beezus said...

"Making ugly beds" So funny and good for you!

Beezus said...

@bostonnanny-
I was driving through Boston last year to visit Salem and I had no idea that the left lane was reserved for cops!The officer just about gave me a heart attack when he announced with his loud speaker to "GET OUT OF THE LANE!!!" He pretty much traumatized me lol.

Nacho-Slave said...

I learned this in a past job. Every part of it that I hated, I would mess it up on purpose. I mean majorly. Finally, the supers got the hint & I didn't have to do the crappy stuff that I hated!! Fair? Of course not. But it works very well!!

Additionally, this reminds me of why there is or was an ad in SF craigslist recently asking for an Indian nanny.

I interviewed for an Indian fam, when I was 19. They wanted me to be the nanny, the cook & the housekeeper. The mother in law would also be home with me to "supervise" me. All for, get this, $400 a month! Granted it was 1995, but still!!!! Insane.

vroomvroom said...

Omg, you poor thing! I'm from California & when we were stationed in Virginia, I about had a heart attack when I kept seeing lights in my rear view mirror. Turns out, tow trucks turn on their yellow lights, while towing. They don't do that in California. Also, I had a cop yell @ me to slow down on the bay bridge, lol.

bostonnanny said...

Ericmom,
I don't know much about western or southern ma, just my area Boston metro area. However, I attended one of the top 10 public school systems in MA and can say with the right parental support your child could do very well in one of those schools. I believe you mentioned your son has Autistic or had aspergers, please correct me if I'm mistaken but if that is true there are some public school systems in MA that have great programs. My brother has aspergers and our school system was very supportive. He now attends newton public schools and I believe they have an even better program. I'll be honest I'm still learning about the school systems and only have a basic knowledge of who is good and bad but if your son has a great support system then I personally wouldnt switch. There was a private school in Belmont that specialized in aspergers that I really wanted my brother to attend but my family couldn't afford. I can get the name if your interested and if your child actually has it. I'll apologize now incase Im confusing your child with one of the other regulars.

Life sux,
What state are you in?

To those who have worked with Indian families,
I agree with everything you have said and I fancy myself very open minded but unfortunately with my experience I now know most of the stereotypes for that culture are true to a degree. I will never again accept a position with an Indian family.

bostonnanny said...

Lol, Yeah you need to pull to the right when they come by. I've gotten a ticket for not moving because I was trapped behind a truck!

lifesux said...

This happened when we lived in North Carolina in 2008. Since then, I have been approved for social security disability. I've tried working so many times, but I am so unreliable. Its very hard for me to generate income. I'd like to find something that I can do sporadically online. Because I have no way of knowing if I will be up all night in pain & having to use the restroom or not. And if I am not, that means I am only up less than half the night. It's bad. Thanks for asking. We rely on the food bank and with my income we should qualify for food stamps. Living on $1,500 for a family of three is a challenge. So I applied a few weeks ago. When I did work, I loved it so much. If I were healthy, I would be a career nanny. I live through you guys. I dont like talking about being disabled online because in the past people have been very judgmental to me.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

@Lifesux:

I would never be judgmental of someone who has a disability. Only Judge Judy does that. LOL.
Anyway, in my state (CA), one cannot receive both Food Stamps and SSI which I think is totally ridic!!

OP: In answer to your most recent question, the answer is YES!! You should be miffed. I would be too. I wonder if your bosses know you are in a tough financial position, that you NEED this job BADLY and because of that, they are taken full advantage of you since they know they hold the cards. How despicable of them!!!!!

You know I am not a racist in any way, shape or form, but coincidentally all of the families I have worked for from India have been really cheap to me. Mostly, they offer a low rate like $10/Hr and yet expect me to do all the house chores, which included washing a million dishes since they all cooked not only their food from scratch, but their children's as well.

Anyway OP, I am sorry to say this, but if you are really in a financial bind, you probably will have to stick this out for a while, until something new comes up. I know after caring for four kids and cleaning/cooking, the last thing you probably want to do when you return home is go online and try to find another job, but it may be your only option here.

Is there any way your family can make it for a few months while you seek a new position?

UmassSlytherin said...

In MA and all states, SNAP benefits go to all different kinds of families, and most of them are working. As well as heating assistance, daycare vouchers, masshealth, etc. Certain food pantries are actually ONLY for working people.

OP said...

So many comments to respond to so if I miss somebody I'm sorry! I just don't usually get a ton of time. Right now the charges are eating breakfast and usually I would be doing last nights dishes but here I am! Just another frustrating morning as usual. Last night I had to rush out from work and bring my son to a doc appointment. It turns out his super bad rash is a yeast infection (!!!) and it has unfortunately been coupled with a cold (runny nose+miserable).

I come in this morning to a pretty typical scene. MB had left dinner from last night in pots and pans on the stove. Expecting me to put it away. Her typical excuse is "it was too hot to put away" and thus she leaves it out all night. In the sink were bowls of food that MB used to have in the fridge but they've gone to waste. I am expected to empty those bowls and to wash them with the dishes.

My son has two baby items at MBs house; a walker and a high chair/booster seat. mBs little one uses these as well. She feeds her baby in both. The walker becomes so filthy that I have to wash it in the washing machine. I had washed the chair seat and not put it in for four days partly because I was so tired of washing it and that seat is not easy to get in and out! You see, MB waited for me to do it. Anyway, today when I arrived it had oreos completely crushed into it. now, it is MBs right as a mother to give her 9 month old Oreos but she knows he crushes those into the walker seat and she did it any way with the high chair seat completely available. So now the walker seat has to be washed and she expects me to do it, naturally. Oh, and the booster seat was also filthy after I cleaned it yesterday so I have to tend to that as well.

I am definitely checking out car but that is whe I found MB so I may concentrate more on sitter city. The thing is that I have extensive history of working with children but only 17months experience as a nanny and only two families including the present family I work for. I feel a little hopeless but I know bitching won't get me anything! I proposed the waitress idea to my husband and told I'm I would like to take a few on campus classes during the week but hubby was not thrilled to say the least but I told him we need to do it to support our son so that option is officially on the table.

As for working with an Indian family...what makes it so hard to stand up to this woman is how nice and calm and intelligent she is. She will address that there are problems with the way people from her country treat others and be scornful towards their behavior. I just don't know if she is manipulating mooring aware that she is also taking advantage of somebody. Bt whe often goes back on things she says or says she thinks things Are okay when in fact she is miffed.

My husband and I are going to go to see a social worker today to address our options. I get ff early(2:30) as MB is getting off early because her parents return to India tonight.

Well I am out of time for now hopefully I can come back later
.p.s. bostonnanny I think you're. Great "unofficial mayor" and I truly appreciate all of our local input!

Wendi said...

In spite of the Indian culture, remember we live in the United States now and slavery was outlawed years ago...

Man, this lady is treating you like sh#@ OP. Reading this makes me so mad. I betcha she knows she is using you...she cannot be that stupid.

She is trying to get all that she can out of you...in other words, she is trying to stretch her dollar to the max here. She must think you run on batteries for life or something.

Please try for your own sanity to find something better. If there is any government assistance that you may think you can qualify for, ASK. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Who cares if other people on here criticize you for going on food stamps, medicaid, etc.?? You owe it to your little baby son to give him the best life you possibly can and thank goodness we live in a country that offers such a nice safety net for those down on their luck.

I hope you can find a way out of this job from Hell.

princess said...

I think the waitress idea was AWESOME!! Seriously, you'd be so much better off. Ive waitressed, cocktail waitressed, and bartended. I had periods of doing both, working at a school mon wed fri and working at night mwf and sat, and then I worked full time as an asst teacher and worked fri/sat nights. There were a few periods when I only worked my night job. I know you cant stretch yourself as thin as I did bc I don't have a kid, BUT at one point I was working full time mon to fri, at the bar fri and sat, AND taking grad school classes. So it can be done ;) you'd be in a much better place $$$wise! Good luck to you.

MissMannah said...

"I've just been making crappy bland dinners, overcooking the damn Indian rice, spray the plants so they look wet, making ugly beds, and doing a superficial floor cleaning."

Wow, way to be passive-aggressive. That will certainly make you a good role model for the children.

Trish said...

Wendi,
I usually lurk. I rarely leave comments because of some of the nasty nannies on here but I absolutely dig your ideas/advice! Not sure how long you've been here but I hope you stay!! :D

Beezus said...

I fail to see how not watering the plants well enough,not adding salt,making the beds look "ugly" and not scrubbing the floors on hands and knees is truly affecting the children.Kids typically do not care whether or not their "role model" is tidy. I can only assume that she's an awesome nanny and doesn't slack on her childcare duties, but no one does a maids work for free.

MissMannah said...

I'm not talking about tidiness. I'm talking about doing a good job. She doesn't want to do housework so she is responding by doing a half-assed job, rather than talking to the parents about why she shouldn't be doing it in the first place. That is immature and passive-aggressive, two qualities that do not belong in the nanny profession.

Beezus said...

Some parents are simply unapproachable. If chores are not part of the deal, and these parents are difficult to reason with, then scrimping on the housework only seems reasonable in my opinion. As long as shes not half assing being a nanny, then more power to her.

I do see what your saying though Mannah, but I have dealt with some pretty unreasonable MBs so I definitely get the frustration that PP was talking about.

ericsmom said...

Not bashing a certain culture

LOL. You made me laugh when I read what you posted!! I don't blame you. Some parents don't want to hear what you have to say. They rather have their house spic and span than someone spending time with their kids.
Keep up the good work!!!

Ms. M

I don't think kids care if the bed is made perfect or if the floor is scrubbed on hands and knees.
They just want someone that cares about them.

ericsmom said...

OP

Twice you mentioned how "nice" your boss is. Really? How the heck did you ever dream that up?
She loses her temper with you. Leaves all her mess for you to clean up. Expects you to do everything. Why doesn't she hire a housekeeper? Because she has you to do it. She sees that you are in a bad position and is taking advantage of you.


You need to look in a mirror. Then say "I an awesome person and deserve better"

Honestly, if you can take classes on the side go for it. Do not let your husband dictate what is best for you. He should be happy. I don't understand why he is not being positive about you trying to provide a better life for All you guys.

Also, are there any Women Centers in your town? If so get in contact with them ASAP. They can be a valuable resource to you. Alot of times they offer job training (computer programs, etc). This is at no cost if you qualify for government assistance. They also can help you with a resume, give you tips for when you go on interview, etc. If you need appropriate clothing for a job interview they sometimes have a "closet" with business attire. They can also direct you on help you need with your bills and childcare.

Hope all works out

OP said...

Ericsmom, that notion is so on point. MBs 9 month old has always loved being cuddled and can be very persistently, because....he's a baby! I went away for two weeks and came back and baby missed me so much he kept crawling up my legs to be held and I was laughing about it to MB...MB informed me that her mom (who cared for kids in my time off) said if baby was "nice and fat" then he was fine "being left alone to do whatever". Basically she was telling me to stuff baby full of food so that he is more content while I do chores etc...and didn't seem to think it was possible he was crawling to me bc he missed me until she saw it with her own eyes.

Marynannyof3&momofplenty said...

It's not surprising to hear this is an "Indian family". Hope word goes around among prospective nannies to let the Indian families know what they want during the interviews. It's very true that most Indians who weren't born in the US will literally take advantage of nannies if allowed to. Unless discussed @ the interview, I wouldn't take a job with them. Someone I know was monitored even in th bathroom. They searched her purse when she came in & when leaving, just b careful nannies

Another Boston nanny said...

Ericsmom - Massachusetts has some really great public schools for children with special needs (newton, needham, Wellesley, reading). I used to stay in Sandwich during the summer. Unless your son's special needs are so severe that he would be insulated somewhat from traditional teens, I wouldn't choose to live there full time. The public schools aren't great, a lot of drug use, and very much a vacation location which negatively impacts the community feel.

ericsmom said...

Another Boston Nanny

Thank you! oh no my son is not really severe at all.

So Sandwich is not really a family town. Thanks for letting me know.
: )