Debating Dating Buddy of DB

I'm a live in. I have a good relationship with my DB and MB. When they have gatherings they invite me to join in as a guest. MB and DB are only a few years older then me. I have recently been getting acquainted with a friend named S. I don't see what the harm is if I'm encouraged to hangout with them when they have gatherings. I mean, I do help plan the meals and stuff, but I am allowed to enjoy myself. I don't abuse this privilege. I do my own thing. We have a rapport. S and I don't make the interest obvious, but lately he's been coming over to help DB with some stuff. We chat here and there and he asked for my number. Would this be rude? What if we dated? Also... live in nannies, how do you handle guests? Are you invited to hangout with them on or off duty? This is my first live in, so any advice is welcome. - Anonymous


bostonnanny said...

Don't do it. If the relationship didn't work out and S started talking shit or told your boss about sex with you, you would setting yourself up to be fired. This line of work is way to personal as it is, don't add a relationship too it.

Plus I have a feeling the guy just wants to bang a nanny.

Bethany said...

I would say no to dating. Plenty of other fish in the sea that won't potentially cause problems for you should the relationship end.

Not currently a live in, but on you time off I would try and have activites of my own away from the house and family to go to .

Politely decline events.

I only attend charges birthdays.

SchorchedMissDee said...


My point exactly.

Razzle Dazzle said...

I agree with the rest. Sounds like a bad idea.

@Boston Nanny: I LOL'd when I read your post.

NannyPants said...

I don't necessarily think it would be rude or inappropriate but I would just be concerned with what would happen if it didn't work out between you and S. Would that change the friendship he has with your DB? Would S feel uncomfortable going to hang with DB if he knew you were going to be there OR would you feel uncomfortable with him coming around if things didn't work out? Just things to think about. I also wouldn't hide didn't state that you were but being open about it to DB and MB might give you a better idea of how to handle this situation.
I am a live in and I am allowed guests as long as I have my MB and DB a heads up. The guy I am dating right now comes over to watch movies and hang out but doesn't stay the night. MB and DB have told me that he could but I don't want to take advantage and push it too's still their house and I want to respect that. If I want to have a guest over whether it be a boyfriend or just a friend I run it by MB and DB. I always want to let them meet my guest first if they want because again it's their house. All in all, I am an adult and they want to respect that too and not treat me like a child. I would just have an honest convo with your bosses about it and see where they stand! :)

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

I wouldn't risk it because if things went South, it would not only be super awkward when you guys see each other, but he may bad mouth you to your bosses which may cost you your job. Extreme, I know, but you just never know.

Regarding overnight guests as a live-in, even if my bosses said it was okay, I would feel super uncomfortable having a man sleep over. It would be super awkward if the kids saw a man emerge from my room in the morning plus it wouldn't be a good example to set.

Nashville Nanny said...

LMFAO @ Banging a nanny. Priceless.

gypsy said...

I wouldn't date him because even if things do work well, I don't see how the awkwardness would be handled. What if things got physical? I wouldn't want my boss (not a great word for the parent/nanny relationship, but it is the most appropriate) to be friends with someone I'm involved with. Especially the father!!! You know how men talk. I wouldn't be able to look db in the eyes!!

OhhPlease said...

Short answer: No. Do not do it.

Did you end up doing it, OP? (No pun intended)

redrosebeetle said...

Don't do it.

Wait until this job ends or is ending (99% of nanny jobs do at some point) and see where the two of you are then. Get out there and meet other people (including making other friends) and date someone else in the mean time.

I know it's hard when you're a live in, but, you might want to think about expanding your own social life without your bosses.

De said...

Nope. Don't do it. If you really like this guy, you should resign and find another job BEFORE dating him. If you really like your job, you should absolutely never ever date this man. Don't try to mix the two, especially since u are a live in. Choose which one is more important.

Penny said...

OP- I agree with other PP this is a recipe for disaster! Plus do you really think that this guy won't start talking about your personality, drunken times, and your sex life to your DB over beers one day? What if MB gets wind of this gossip her hubby & friend are disguising, I mean I'm sure knowing her nanny's sex life, drunken good times, & so on and her husband talking about it will make her feel SO comfortable! NOT! Just pass on this relationship. If it's meant to be you will end up with him sometime down the road. I also agree with PP perhaps finding things to do in your free time, take a pottery class, photography, spin class, make plans for dinner/drinks after work with some friends to get out and create your own circle of entertainment. I also agree too I would only attend children's birthday parties going further. They probably invite you because they like you as a person & they perhaps feel obligated since you live in their home. Thank them & decline kindly but make sure you have plans that evening to get out of the way.

OP, at the end of the day you are their employee, not their friend or a family member so remember it's better for everyone that you have a healthy balance. Work is work but your free time is yours to do as you please. Try your best to find activities outside of your job, even if it's sitting in your room learning to sew or reading a book. I'm sure it's not easy living in the same place you work but it's up to you to create a healthy balance. Keep us posted! And good luck OP!

leftcoastmama said...

Do not do it.

I encourage you to get out of the house. Join a gym. Take a yoga class. If it's your thing go for drinks with your girlfriends.

Put boundaries in place now and avoid heartbreak later.

Katydid. said...

I wouldn't venture into that territory.

As pps have said he is probably just trying to fufill some nanny banging fantasy.

Try and get out a little more. Make some friends and meet guys that aren't connected to your bosses.

princess said...

But what if he's Mr. Right? What if he is YOUR happily ever after? Think long n hard, and go with your heart... just don't leave your brain behind! Don't just date him and sleep with him for the fun of it. That would be like PP said, a disaster. You can find any other random guy to do that - hopefully you're not that kind of girl, anyway :)
But if he wants to date you like a gentleman, go slow and become friends first... if you don't think it will work out, then you can break it off and just stay friends. When it comes right down to it, I would rather risk my job than risk my happily ever after! Best of luck, girl!

Kailin said...

Happily ever after?

Give me a friggin break!

This is a case of a live in nanny that needs to create a life fr herself away from the family she works for.