Friday

Attachment Parenting vs All Other Methods

OPINION
I'm a new nanny for a little girl of 13 months. Her parents practice attachment parenting. Basically go on cue with her needs. She is a bright and happy child. Sometimes though, getting her to sleep is tricky because she can't cry senseless, unless I have to take something away she isn't supposed to play with OR am changing her diaper. Otherwise, if she is crying while I'm trying to put her down and she clearly is tired, I'm not doing the job right. What are some tips you guys have on this? I change the place and try and cheer her up before we try again. Also, what kind of MBs or DBs did you have with infants/toddlers? Did you have baby-wise, authoritative CIO or AP or helicopter parents? Who would you like to work for and why?

51 comments:

MissMannah said...

I don't really understand what you mean by this:

"Sometimes though, getting her to sleep is tricky because she can't cry senseless, unless I have to take something away she isn't supposed to play with OR am changing her diaper. Otherwise, if she is crying while I'm trying to put her down and she clearly is tired, I'm not doing the job right."

In my experience, AP just doesn't work. Especially with a toddler. By that age, they should know how to put themselves to sleep and how to self-soothe in other instances. (Barring injury or illness, of course.)

I also think you are doing her a disservice by trying to "cheer her up" whenever she cries. I'm sure since her parents are doing AP, they probably don't want her to ever cry, but crying is normal. By not allowing it at all, you are essentially teaching her that feeling sad/angry/upset/etc is wrong and she shouldn't express how she feels unless she's happy.

As for your last question, my work family practices cry-it-out and it works like a charm. We've been doing it since Baby C was around 2.5 months and now (at 7 mo) she doesn't really cry at all in her bed. Maybe a couple of minutes, but it is more sleepy fussing than actual crying.

Bethany said...

I've never heard of no crying while falling asleep.

There is a normal non hysterical sleepy baby cry that most babies make as they are trying to fall asleep in their own.

It's bizarre to me that this style is supposed to be so in tune to baby's needs but ignores basic nature and fights against it. Crying in an infant is not analagus to crying in an adult or even older chid.

I doubt you'll have any luck explaining that to them so your brst bet is to find out how they put her down, and copy it to a t. If they don't have a routine come up with one together.

Also watch for her sleepy signs and put her down before that. Hysterical crying and falling over are late signs of crying.

Early signs are loss of interest in activities, rubbing mouth , getting talkative.

Never worked with attatchment parents always seemed too ridic in my opinion.

I'd read up on it as much as you can. Isn't Dr. Sears the authority on that phiolsophy? He has a bunch of boks and a website.

Good luck

peaches said...

MissMannah, whats so hard to understand? Basically, the parents don't want the child to cry unless shes having her diaper changed or an object shes not supposed to play with gets taken away. From what I gather, those are reasons why a child would throw a fit and these parents expect this nanny to be able to put the baby down w/o her crying. Hence, if the child is crying, the nanny feels shes not doing her job right.

Lyn said...

I love when ISYN posts new threads at nap time! :)

I'm really lucky with the families I've chosen to work for in the past. They have all been very middle of the road when it comes to how we handle the little one's sleep schedule. They have also all valued and sought out my opinions on issues like this.

However, in your situation you need to take your cues from MB and DB on how they want these situations handled. Since, ultimately, they are your employers and this is something they firmly believe is important to the raising of their daughter. It sucks sometimes when you know what has worked for you in past with sleep training and it doesn't mesh with what the parents want done. But, presenting a united front goes both ways sometimes.
If I were in your shoes I would have a chat with both of the parents and discuss what you've found to have worked in the past, what they do when little one is tired and fussy because of it, and what they would like you to do when those situations occur. And then after they answer if their answers seem a bit too hands on to you (and with AP it very well might depending on how extreme they are with it) I would explain how young toddlers brains react to stimulation prenap differently than they would in the same situations if they were fully awake (crying when changing a diaper being one of my points).
I would then offer to meet middle of the road with them and tell them exactly how I like to handle naptime, referring again to what I've practiced in the past, and reiterate to them what they like to do so they know that you've heard them. I would let them know what I think is a good schedule for prenap rituals that she can assciate with naptime. Like, 15 minutes or so before when she will be getting tired, change her diaper, followed by reading a book quietly in her room with the sound machine going and just a lamp on, plenty of holding and cuddling of
course. And then once you place her in her crib, gently stroke her back slowing down to a stop after a couple of minutes, leave your hand on babies back. Gently lift it once baby starts to close eyes but stay exactly where you were standing when you were touching her. When you feel she has calmed down enough that sleep may happen, move quietly and gently to sit in the chair/on the floor quietly until baby has fallen asleep. She more than likely will cry, the first day of this being the longest time typically. But you can reassure the parents that being able to see you gives a since of not being abandoned in a dark place. Reassure them that she is not crying out of anger or sadness but mirely because this is a new routine for her and her sleepy head is frustrated by trying to figure out why the routine is different. Reassure the parents the first nap WILL be the worst but after 2 days or so it will just be the new routine. Hope that helped and sorry for the lengthy reply!

Lyn said...

Oh! And leave yourself a cracked door to sneak out of once the babe does sleep. Obviously do not stay in there for the entire nap, haha. As baby gets more used to this you can shorten the time between putting baby in the crib and leaving the room each day until you can eventually just put her down and leave after cuddles. :)

OP said...

OP here. What I mean is that as told by the parents. If the child is screaming bloody murder an tears are streaming while putting her to bed, that is not ok. If she whines here and there and I am able to calm her down that is ok. Basically if she starts flipping out due to nap time. I have to calm her down by trying anything that will calm her and retry nap time again as soon as she is calm. I guess they tried letting her self sooth but she couldn't do it. She would cry. So now she is hel until she falls asleep in arms. The other families I interviewed for also did AP and including a friend d mine who's child was needy. But now she has learned to self sooth. The little girl I care for is 13 months. I think I can do this. It's not unfamiliar and I knew this is what they did when I interviewed. I am fine though with CIO. But have yet to meet a family who is oK with it. I guess I'm in the middle. I like AP but don't mind CIO

MissMannah said...

I see what the parents mean. No one wants their baby screaming bloody murder with tears. But the easiest way to avoid that is to get her on a nap routine and to put her to bed before she gets super tired. And the easiest way to derail your sleep training efforts is to get her out of bed as soon as she starts crying.

I'm wondering if different sleep methods are a regional thing? CIO is very popular here, 2 out of my 3 babies have used it and the other one was a ferber baby.

Peaches, there was really no reason for you to be so rude to me, I asked a simple question because I misunderstood. Do you speak to everyone who misunderstands something in such an abrupt manner?

I also think it is odd for the parents to think it is acceptable for the baby to be crying during a diaper change. Usually by 13 months, babies interact enough and can "help" you with the changes so they don't cry and fight it.

canadananny said...

I guess I am middle of the road-leaning towards CIO. It just so happened that the family I nanny for takes the same approach as I generally do towards nap time. We change diaper, read books, have a bottle, C gets put into bed awake, sound machine on, and we leave the room. We let him babble/fuss as long as it takes for him to fall asleep, however, if he starts to lose his mind and really scream bloody murder we go back in and lie him back down, stroke his head etc for a second until he is calm and then leave again. He is 11 months old now (we've been doing this since he was 5 months) and he usually goes to sleep no problem within 10-15 mins of being put down and doesn't cry at all (90% of the time). Occasionally he needs to be calmed but that is rare! Usually he either goes to sleep right away or babbles himself to sleep (which he did for an hour before finally giving in the other day)...He is very good at self-soothing.

Farrah said...

I think attachment parenting is going to ruin our future generation. An extreme statement, I know, but in my personal experience it is only spoiling the child.

Usually parents who practice AP let their children sleep w/them until they are older. They also cater to the child's every whim so that the child never cries for very long. The child must be rocked to sleep and if you are caring for a baby, you must carry him on you in a sling which can get very tiring.

Oh yeah...and they breastfeed their kids past two years old.

If a parent says they practice this type of parenting, I would run for the hills as fast as you can.

peaches said...

MissMannah, I didn't think I was being rude. I was just asking matter-of-factly what didn't you understand, then tried explaining it for you. Sorry if it seemed harsh. As for the baby crying during diaper change, I take it as meaning the baby (or most anyway) cry when their wet/dirty, so its acceptable then. Hopefully when their changed though, it stops. Otherwise, OP's bosses would probably be annoyed about it. Right OP?

Personally, I am amiable toward working with AP families but its the hardcore ones that I think give it a bad name and thats why so many nannies (at least the ones I've encountered) refuse to work for AP parents. I think it says alot about an AP parent, easy-going personality (usually) and not so strict with their nanny. At least, in my experience.

peaches said...

Farrah, see what I mean? Quit stereo-typing APs! They don't all BF past 2yrs, come on (and even if they did BF to around 2-3yrs, Drs will tell you its healthy to do so!) But BF'ing a 5yo? YES I have seen it, and NO I don't agree!

And no, these AP kids are not ALL spoiled children! Do some research. Have you worked with an AP family before? If so, and this is your attitude, I'm sorry it left such a bad taste in your mouth. If not, stop spreading the bullshit please.

gypsy said...

Read Beyond The Sling, it explains how nueroscience of AP.

Lay with this baby. She's 13 months. She needs cuddles, love & comfort. Lay down & rub her back, sing to her, love on her.

Susannah said...

I think their approach is backfiring on them here. They have gotten her into the habit andd therefore an endless cycle of screaming means more playtime.

I think what you are looking for is a routine so here's what I do.
Your best bet is to do the same thing the same way every day.

Start at 15-20 minutes before you'd like to have her sleeping
* go to her room have the room with dim lighting only, jsut enough to see what you need to do and not trip.
* change her diaper
* have 2-3 books to read. read the same books in the same order every day. My favorite to read last is Goodnight Moon because you always end with and Goodnight Little Baby
* If she has a binky , or favorite blanky or stuffy let her hae it during stories.
* If you want to you can rock ever so slightly while she is in your lap and sleeping. She should be calming in your lap.
* Put her while drowsy ( not sleeping) In her crib.

Tell her goodnight sleep tight and all that jazz you can pat her back, but not until she falls asleep. You can wait until she starts to close or closes her eyes. I usually start with 40 pats and drop a few every day until it's just a loving pat and out the door.

I would not start her getting used to you being in the room. Start with going out the door from day one.

She will most likely cry and it will probably be 3 or more days before she adjusts to this new routine, Longer if you and her parents use different methods.

Give her a fe minutes to settle herself down before you rush in and save her.

I'd strongly suggest you do not scoop her out if the hysterical crying starts. Instead lay her back down and pat her back until she is calm tell her goodnight and go back out the door.

Katydid said...

Perhaps I am heartless, or it's because I don't nanny much for kids under age 5 ,but I don't understand all the theatrics when putting a child to bed.

I often wonder if it's the caregiver or the child that needs the music, the cuddles, the lights, the 5, books, the stuffed animals etc.

It's sounds like this little gal is not fond of taking naps as is the case with most children as it interrupts playtime. She seems to have found a perfect way to stay up longer by pitching a fit.

She screams. She stays up. Until she decides to go to sleep.

Why give her so much power?

No expert will every convince me that kids even the youngest of kids isn't fully aware of what they are doing.

shocked said...

Wha----? Did katydid really say that?? wow, just wow.

Even at 6mo, huh?

OP said...

OP here. The thing is. If we go to her room. She knows what is going on. She will start crying the unacceptable years before we even go in. Also she will try go open the door. She can't. But she will walk towards the door and cry. So I have to be cautious on how I do things. She is used to calling the shots so to speak. Unless its something dangerous, it's fair game. Shes happy but we have to go with her cue or she gets upset. I just. Want advice on how to handle.

Maci said...

I think it is gross when any parent breast-feeds after a year.

After that, it seems too sexual.

Esp. if it is a boy.

I have no medical education...and perhaps I am being a little ethnocentric, but that is my opinion.

Katydid said...

It's only sexual if you make it that way. Personally I couldn't go past two, but that's just me.

Katydid said...

@ Shocked

I don't see the point in turning bedtime into a dramatic event. In my view it teaches the child that going to bed is a dramatic event, instead of an ordinary essential part of life.

Why not just give a simple kiss and hug good night a pat on the back and be done with it?

Everything else just seems to encourage hysterics and leads to more issues down the road.

I'm not saying you should ban a child from a stuffy from a child if she really wants or needs it, it just seems to me that kids these days have to have 1001 things before going to bed and in my view it's there to make the adult feel better not the kid.

katydid said...

I would like to see how this turns out.

What can be done? Most advice that has been given at some level no matter how gentle the method insists that she goe to bed when you say she does.

Your bosses and her parents have decided you have to wait until she's ready to go to bed.

So you wait until she's dead tired and falls asleep on the playroom floor and scoop her up and put her in bed.


Or you can do as gypsy said and have cuddles and song times until she falls asleep.

Maybe in two to three years she will start to verbally express wanting to go to bed and you can try and reason with her to decide she's tired enough to go to bed.

Bethany said...

OP,

Is she climbing out of her crib as well?

Lyn gave you a great outline for how to transiton her gently and how to talk to her parents about how she will resist the change at first because her routine is being altered.

There is going to be some hysterical crying and it will probably last for several days until she is into her ne routine of having a set naptime.

I don't think it's possible to have it both ways at this stage in the game.

I hope it all works out for you.

Jenny said...

Maci, breastfeeding past a year is not gross or sexual. You need to educate yourself.

Manhattan Nanny said...

It sounds like she is over tired. I would try moving nap time up, and allow plenty of time for story time first to relax her. There are some good suggestions above from Lyn and Susannah on soothing methods.

Or, your little charge has learned that if she cries she can delay nap time. If that is the case, you are between a rock and a hard place. You will need to have an honest talk with the parents and figure out how to handle this in a way that both they and you are comfortable with. I admire your willingness to work with them. I couldn't deal with AP parenting.

Please come back and up date us.

gypsy said...

What? You can't be serious.

You probably don't bat an eyelash at a mother feeding her child milk from another speceis. But you'd balk at a mother giving her child the milk that is created for her child.

Got milk? This society is brainwashed. Children don't need milk made for baby cows. They need their mothers milk.

I see nothing sexual about a toddler, boy or girl. Your comment is concerning.

gypsy said...

Take an ece course. No child under one year has the mental capacity to purposely manipulate an adult. That's absurd to say the least. Give them so much power? How is comforting a child giving them power???? I'm glad you admitted that you don't have experience with infants. Because if you had experience with infants, I would honestly think you were off your rocker. Some children just fight going to sleep. So their caregivers try to find ways to make the transition to sleep more peaceful & comforting.com this is how you're supposed to care for an infant.

MissMannah said...

Gypsy, I completely agree with what you said about cow's milk vs human milk. It just doesn't make any sense to give a human child (or adult) milk from another species. No other mammal would ever do that. I would also like to point out that humans are the only ones who drink any kind of milk past the infant/childhood stage, when it is no longer necessary.

For whomever said not to breast-feed past 12 months, the WHO has now recommended breast milk until at least 24 months. I plan to nurse as long as I feel comfortable with it and then I hope to pump my milk and have my child drink it out of a cup. I also think it is inappropriate to see older toddlers nursing. Not because it seems sexual, but because children of that age need to understand body boundaries.

As for going-to-bed routines, I think it depends on the individual child. Baby C gets excited if we start doing a lot of stuff, like reading a book or even singing a lullaby. She thinks of it as playtime and would become over-stimulated. But many other children use those as specific cues to calm down and get ready for bed. There is no "one size fits all" policy for children, whether it comes to bedtime, discipline, feeding, or anything else. Adults can make plans, but they have to ultimately take their cues from the children.

Katydid said...

@ gypsy
I have taken ECE courses many of them but thanks for encouraging me to coninue my education as we both know a nanny can never stop learning.

Is comforting a child giving them to much power? No.
Allowing them to stay awake because they don't sleep at that time is giving a child to much power. Babies and children don't know what's best for them, and you have to be the adult in the situation.

I think this little girl has learned that screaming extends playtime.

@ Mannah I agree that you have to find the right mix for each individual child.
In general I think that alot of parenting these days is based on dramatics, overly pampering, and in the effort to avoid issues cause a myriad of others.

OP said...

I do appreciate your response. All of yours, thanks everyone. But with this family they are dead set this is what they want. My opinion wont help them chane their routine so to speak. The dad is a pediatrician. So you know the founding father of AP is Dr. Sears. So me tying a new routine even if involves a little crying to help transition into a new method won't work. They're clear her having fits while I'm trying to rock her and her shedding tears even form being overtird is not ok and they prefer I distract her to calm her down and the. Try again. I guess if I could find a way to twich their method without upsetting them and helping wean her off this method would be great. But for now I have to just take her cue and I leave the door cracked so I can leave and not stay there. Also sometimes her mom is home or dad ad they try to not interfere but that too doesn't help.

nannysara said...

MissMannah, wow! That has got to be the best comment I have EVER seen on this blog. It is very articulate and intelligent and I wish everyone felt the way you do about breastfeeding, bedtime routines and raising children. Thankyou!

OceanBlue said...

Op,

Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do , but do exactly what they ask because all other methds will invole her crying a bit. I feel sorry for the little girl and for you.

I honestly don't think I would last at that position. It's going to get more helish as time goes on.
Also, I am big on kids getting prper sleep and trying different healthy ways to get them to do so.

In my experience peditricans are the worst employers.

OceanBlue said...

As far as breasfeeding goes I don't know why everyone gets so weirded out by it. I also don't understand why others get so militant about it.

It's a personal thing between a mom and her child.

No in my view I couldn't go past two years. I don't see it being a need after that but to each their own.

OceanBlue said...

Also my family & I are pretty close to this other family.

This family has 12 kids all born at home all breastfeed for at least on year with the option to carry on up two yesrs.

After two years they are cut off from milk entirely. Not mom's and not a cow's or any other form. From that point on they drinnk water or homemade drink blends.
They have a diet rich in fruits, veggies, whole grains and lentils. They pretty much don't have any sort of dairy at all until they are around 13 and then it's only if they want it.

They are handsdown the healthiest kids I have ever met. I don't know if it's the method or just a fluke of their genes, but it's pretty interesting.

They also beliee in keeping a simple relaxed household without alot of excess stimulation. Yu know lot a lot of electronincs, TV, computers, ipods, cell phones, flashy plastic toys for the kids.

Most of the toys are wooden or made out of other everyday materials. The kids are super creative and spend tons of time outside.
She also keeps them home until they are 6 and then they attend school.

I find it interesting. I've told them jokingly they should let TLC film them.

OP said...

Can I ask you why they're the worst employers ? I honestly did not know he was until Friday when the mom took a call and mentioned this. I'm trying to keep an opened mind. Well see. Giving it a month and things don't improve we'll

Up DATe. OP said...

Ocean Blue. Can I ask why you think pediatricians are the worst to work for? Is that the same thing you think of with other health care workers ago deal with kids ? like a family medicine physician or peda nurse ? Spoke to dad and I guess he is fine and his wife who works too, they're find with her crying for a few minutes while I work to put her to bed. BUT not when she is in bed. So me trying to soothe her or rock her to sleep. A few tears here and there is fine but not exceeding 5 minutes.

UmassSlytherin said...

Maci: you certainly do need to educate yourself. I mean, really.

Miss Mannah, I love you on this thread. Keep up the great work. I am sorry I have been bitchy to you in the past because clearly I was not giving you enough credit.

I would hire you as my nanny in a second. That is, if I could afford you, and if you would ever work for me, which I doubt both of lol

MissMannah said...

Thanks Sara and UMass! I guess I was extra on-the-ball last night!

OceanBlue, that family you know sounds awesome! I want to parent like that but I know I won't be as diligent about it. My sister is a vegan and she lives a lifestyle very similar to what you described and I swear she is the healthiest person I've ever seen.

Wednesday said...

I personally will not breastfeed past 6 months. I plan on pumping and freezing my milk but for 9 months I am his first apartment then for the next 6 I am his food court. Also he'll be on solid food and getting his nutrition elsewhere. I am not against formula either. For 15 total months he will be using my body in every way. By the time I wean I will be ready to have my boobs back, my body back and some free time back. At 1 year a child is using finger foods and can eat hot dogs, they shouldn't be attached to a tit.

canadananny said...

@Wednesday:
That's fine if you don't want to breastfeed past six months, however a baby should not be "getting his nutrition elsewhere" at that age. While it's true that babies are on solids at 6 months, the primary source of nutrition should be breast milk (or formula) until 12 months of age.

Teacher in a Combat Zone said...

Ultimately, you have to do what you feel is best for your child and your family as a whole. Personally, I breastfed each of my kids until they self-weaned. My two girls both self-weaned around 24 months, and little guy finally weaned around 29 months. Once they got to be around 18 months I was only nursing 2-3 times a day- first thing in the morning and right before bed and then maybe around nap time if they needed it.

I could never imagine co-sleeping with my kids purposely. It's bad enough when they crawl into at four in the morning and neither of us wants to drag them back to their own beds. Thankfully, my girls were both good sleepers. I could put them both in their cribs awake and they would fall asleep on their own within ten-fifteen minutes. My little guy-- he was holy hell. He needed to be rocked and rocked and rocked. Putting him to bed took almost a full hour because no matter what we did, he fought it. No matter how tired he was, he put up a fight. He was a terrible napper (maybe 30-40 minutes at a time, three times a day if I was lucky). Looking back, his first six months were some of the most torturous months I've ever experienced. More than once I told my husband that it was time he got the "snip" because I could not imagine going through this again. Having a baby who is a terrible sleeper is among the worst hand a parent can be dealt.

I guess my point is, not only do you have do what you feel is best for your family, you have to do what is best for your child as an individual. None of us would have survived had I parented my son in the same way I had my oldest. The same goes for my youngest- she didn't need all the constant rocking to go to sleep, but she wanted to nurse CONSTANTLY for her first seven months of life. I had to do what was best for each of my children, so no one parenting method would have covered all of it.

gypsy said...

We have different beliefs & have received different educations. Because as far as I know, its not possible to "allow" an infant or toddler to stay awake. Sleeping isn't something that as a parent or nanny, I've ever been able to control. Encourage, sure. Allow, never.

Of course babies & children don't know what's best for them. Nobody has implied otherwise. Comforting an anxious child is being the adult in the situation.

If an infant or toddler is screaming, they're not thinking in the back of their mind that they're going to extend playtime, by crying. They're simply upset at that moment. Their brains are incapable of manipulation & pre-planning. They literally live in the moment.

I agree that a nanny should actively persure her education in early childhood. Eighteen years after my first child & after my first nanny gig, I'm still enrolled in college. When my husband & I have hired nannys, they have always had some ece. Without it, some nannys have bizarre and impossible beliefs. It gives us comfort knowing they not only take their career seriously but that they understand our childrens behavior because they're educated. All of the experience in the world won't teach a nanny or parent brain development, child nutrition, etc. Its easy to tell what nannies are eeducated & which aren't. Good for you for continuing your education! That's great news. Learning doesn't end, when you get a degree, either. Esp. In this field.

ggyyppssyy-lol said...

My cell phone keeps doubling up on letters. "Eeducation?" Oy. Please forgive my naughty cell phone! Lol

gypsy said...

Go, Manda!

OceanBlue said...

I've just had bad experiences with pediatrician parents.

They all seem to have the attitude of I am a pediatrician and therefore I know all there is to know about child development and teaching children.

Pay is usually amazing, but I can't deal with the attitude.

I'm sure there are great pediatrician parents. I just haven't had the good fortune of meeting them.

OceanBlue said...

@ Mannah,

They are amazing and some of the nicest people you would ever meet

The kids are so healthy, when we lived near them they were almost never sick, and when they were they got well quickly.

I honestly don't know if I could be that dilligent with all the things they do with their family.

They grow the vast majority of their fruits and veggies too.

I'm not sure I could homebirth. I got to witness one of the kids being born and was the most amazing experience, but I'm such a wuss when it comes to pain I think I'd need access to some meds.

MissMannah said...

Lol thanks Gypsy. You are quickly turning into one of my favorite people here. Kisses and hugs!

Ocean, I used to work for a doctor too and she completely had that attitude you spoke of. I vowed then and there I'd never work for another.

I am fascinated by the thought of a home birth but I don't know if I could do it either. I know next year when I give birth it will be in a hospital, but if all goes well maybe I will try Baby #2 at home!

happy-for-you-gypsy said...

Awww, thanks! I like you & Lyn the most, hehe.com

I think a congratulations is in order, Manda. How far along? :) Eight weeks? Ten? This is your first, how fun!

Bethany said...

OMG Mannah! Big congrats to you and your husband!

MissMannah said...

Technically we're not there yet. Counting down the days until I can test again! But in my mind, I already have a sweet baby in my arms.

NannyNYC said...

Does she have a transitional object (aka lovey?). They really help when a child goes to bed. Let the mom sleep with the lovey for a night so it gets her scent, and put it in the crib for child to sleep with.

OP said...

UPdate. We are having her go to bed a little earlier. Starting bed routine /nap time earlier then normal. Given her down time. Solitary play in her room until she is ready. It helps wind her down. We will see how it continues but so far better. Also she can cry while rocking her but only 2-3 minutes. Thank you guys for your help. Yes. She does have a lovey and we use it. It helps but not always b

anon nanny said...

Wow, this sounds just like my new nanny job right now. The parents are terrified of the 13 month old crying, like it's the end of the world. But The baby will cry at nonsense things sometimes, like a loud noise or something with his toys. They also still rock and give him bottle for naps. I have to rock him for 30min sometimes until he falls asleep. The whole time he struggles to get out of my arms and alot of the time starts crying, but it is hard to avoid! I always feel like I'm punishing him by rocking him like that, holding him forcefully! I think it would be less harmful to let him cry it out in the crib. The parents are with him for a max of 3 hours a day, so they have no idea how hard it is!