Mad Dad Writes Rude Review

Back in the middle of May I replied to an add on a sitter site ( if any of you are wondering.) The job was for a full time week day nanny for two children 8 months and 7 years. The father was in the military and from the way he wrote his add I should have been seeing the red flags as he made himself seem like one of those god awful controlling military parents such as my own father was/is still to this day.

Well I also had applied for a job as a receptionist around the same time and they called me back after the first message the family that was looking for the nanny sent me. I was told by the company for the receptionist job that I would be able to start within a week or so. Well I emailed the family and told them that I was going to accept another position non-childcare related. The job payed more, had benefits, and as a young adult who is not going to school at the moment, that just sounded like a better fit. Well a month almost passes and the receptionist people ended up being flaky, ( i was told I had the job and that they would set up a second interview and let me know either way if it didn't work out, even after emailing them kinda telling them I was still very interested they said they still wanted to hire me after the interview, well still haven't heard back from them.)

Anyways I emailed the family a few days ago because they were still looking for a nanny. Now I have NEVER EVER had a bad review, I am always on time, I am a damn good caregiver and anyone that knows me or I have worked for will tell you that. I explained what had happened and apologized to the family in my email to them, letting them know that I really was very dependable and would be glad to care for their children still. Now if they had of contacted me quicker in the beginning instead of taking days I would have had a chance to set up an interview with them and probably would have taken the job instead of the one for the receptionist position I was offered, and once I start a job it takes A LOT for me to quit especially if its in the childcare profession. The father emailed me back and was a complete asshole to me basically calling me immature and told me he was going to give me a "bad review" on the site (i'll add it to the end of the post) because I had proven to be very undependable.

Now I understand that the family was looking for someone long term that wouldn't up and quit but if someone messages you back after you obviously still cant find a nanny for your children after a month, someone who is completely qualified and interested in the position you shouldn't be rude to them seeing as they are almost your only chance left. I was not rude in my message and I asked very nicely for them to give me a second chance and explained why I had turned them down in the beginning. So when I got such a rude message back it really just pissed me off. If I had of started or had been on a trial run THEN flaked out I would understand, but seeing as I turned them down in the beginning they shouldn't have been as rude in my opinion.Oh and he didnt even spell my name right in 3/5 message, which made me mad as my name was spelled correctly where he could see it in a message above. Anyways I just needed to rant, have any other nannies had this problem?

Here is the message I sent them: Name of Father Here, (changed for obvious reasons), I first want to apologize for turning you down earlier this summer, What I thought was going to be a steady job ended up never happening because the company was not well organized or run. Since then I have been thinking seriously and have decided that I feel that Childcare is the best career path for me at this moment in my life. If you are still looking for a full time, long term nanny I would be more than happy to speak with you again if you would reconsider me. You asked previously about my schooling. I am not enrolled anymore in UCA, I decided that the university just was not for me and have decided to further my education online in my own time to become certified as a Pharmacist Technician in the future while still being able to work full time as a nanny. Those are my goals for the future and present education wise. My distant future I have been thinking often and hard about due to the fact I will not be returning to UCA and have been pursuing the Nanny profession as full time with eventually the Pharmacy Tech Certification to fall back on. I promise that if you chose me to be the nanny for Child One and Child Two you would not be sorry. I am not a flake though I seemed to have made myself seem like one previously, I really am a very dedicated hard working young woman, I am someone who once I commit to something I do not just quit especially with a job involving caring for someone else's children. I hope that you will email me back either here or on my personal email address. I would be very glad to speak with you more about the position and myself. Thank you SO much for your time, -Maryann.

And THIS is the message and the review I got back: Maryann, I wasnt going to respond but i decided to. I can believe you had the nerve to email me back. You applied for the job, turned me down when i replied to you about the job, tell me you found another job, then come back and ask to fill the position. You have got to be kidding me. Thats the one thing my wife and i were worried about was someone doing that and you just proved to be that person, and then think i would even consider you. I'm also going to write a review on you to warn any other parents who may consider you for child care. I feel obligated to do so as where i am a parent myself and care about my children.

This is the Review: June 11, 2012: ***/***** I would like any parent considering her to read this. My wife and I were looking for child care and posted an add. One of our biggest concerns was what if the person we hire leaves for a different job and then we dont have child care because we depended on the person we hired. Maryann applied for the job add i posted. So i contacted her back because we were interested in hiring her. When i contacted her back she told me she found another job so was no longer interested. Well evidentally her other job didnt work out because she emailed me back asking me to reconsider her for the job. She then told me she was not "Flaky" as it appears, and was dependable. I feel obligated as a parent to share my experience with considering her for a job with any other parents who may be considering her. We did not hire her because in my opinion she already proved she would leave if another job/better opportunity opened up. The only reason i gave her a 3 star rating was because she never sat, off of my experience with her it would be lower.

SO, basically i'm angry he was rude and just want to say... sorry but your loss, i'm one hell of a nanny and I hope you find someone that is just perfect for you.


Amy said...

Any rational adult will realize that this man is severely overreacting and won't hold a review like that against you. There have been a couple times in my nanny career where I was set to start a new position, and it fell through for whatever reason, so I recontacted the other families I was speaking to at the time, and NONE of them ever responded to me in such a manner. Best wishes finding a new position :)

Rhiannon said...

Wow. He is acting like you made a commitment by just contacting them. Many people interview with more than one job and then decide on what seems to be the best fit for them at the time.

Only good thing about his review is that, the way it is written, he sounds like much more flaky and inconsiderate than you! Any decent families will read it and not see what you actually did wrong.

Good luck with your search!

alex said...

gosh that is ridiculous. I really think the review he wrote makes it seem like he is the idiot. You didn't have any commitment to them besides expressing interest in a job. Then when your job fell through you emailed them to see if they were still interested. I truly see NOTHING wrong with that what so ever. It happens all the time. When you are looking for jobs you are not just going to email or apply to one, you email/apply to a lot of them and hopefully one of them will turn into a job for you. He is an idiot.

Nashville Nanny said...

I'm sure I'm going to get railed here..... buttttttttt.... I agree with the guy. I think he has every right to be annoyed that you applied for his position, jumped ship for something else, and then came scrambling back. I don't think he needed to go so far as to leave a bad review... but if you had done that to me, I wouldn't have been as nice in my reply to you as he was. You clearly don't want to be a career nanny (you're interested in going to school to be a Pharmacy Tech), and he's looking for a long term commitment. Your post sounds immature, your email to him sounds immature... and you're complaining that he was "rude" to you (which I fail to see in his wording)... Get a grip.

Rhiannon said...

She didn't "jump ship" on this family. She expressed interest in 2 jobs and one got back to her sooner than the other so she took it. When it fell through and she saw they were still looking, she politely showed her renewed interest.

When people look for jobs, they usually don't apply one at a time. And families looking for nannies typically will interview many applicants. If she had waited on this family and they had gone with someone else, that would have just been the way it goes. How is this any different?

ELam said...

Sorry OP, but I agree with Nashville Nanny. I'm on the Dad's side (although, I'm not sure him posting a negative public review was the right course of action on his part), but I think he has every right to be peeved. He was interested in having you care for his children, and so what that he took a couple days to reply? I've applied to jobs and then received call backs for interviews (non-nanny positions) sometimes 2 or 3 weeks later. You can't hold it against him.

You do appear are not looking to be a career nanny, you said yourself that the receptionist job had better pay and benefits so you took it. And you would be there at that job had it worked out as you hoped, yes? I highly doubt that if all went well with the receptionist job you'd be thinking that childcare is where you want to be at this time in your life. It seems childcare is where you want to be only because you have no other option and you had a lead with this family previously. You can't bullshit around, parents are looking for reliable, consistent, usually long-term care for their children. You basically made them feel like sloppy seconds, of course they aren't going to consider you now.

The e-mail that you wrote them was far too much information. Bad mouthing the receptionist job, telling them you dropped out of school because it "wasn't for you" (hmm..flaky?), telling them you ultimately want to be a pharmacy tech (aka nothing to do with the world of childcare), making promises to the family, telling them you know you appear flaky but you really aren't...eek, it's all just rambly and bizarre. All you had to say was "Hi ______, I noticed you are still looking for a nanny. My previous job lead did not work out and I would be happy to speak with you again regarding the position. Thank you".

His being a military dad does not equate to him being a controlling ass. He made it pretty crystal clear that he needed someone reliable and you proved to be anything but, and he told you how he felt. I really can't blame him and I don't see this as being a red flag. I see it as a parent who is concerned about who will care for their children.

Susannah said...

Dad sounds like an asshole. Plain and simple and it's probably best you're not working for him.

There's no excuse for his actions. A simple message to you telling you he was no longer interested would have been enough.

He's probably upset that he's still looking because any sane nanny will see his BS.

This is a man with an inflated view of self and is just now learning the whole world doesn't think he's as great as he thinks he is.

I wouldn't worry about it. You have plenty of other good reviews to cover this one, and the only parents that would look you over because of this are nuts and you wouldn't want to work for them.

My only advice to you would be to make sure you have a job in writing before canceling interviews in the future.

Sarah said...

I agree with ELam. Your email was rambling and you do seem a bit flaky (though I understand your position and motives, it's important for parents not to ever see you that way. Putting the word "flaky" and too much information in your response was a big no no).

Phoenix said...

well looking at it from his side. He sent out and add and someone responded back then flaked out. He doesn't know you at all. His first perceptioin of you was that you are flaky. Even though you're not and you know that you're not and other people who know you know that. But he doesn't. that is the perception you gave him.

unfortunately that is what happens in life. i don't think it was fair for him to write a review about you because he doesn't know you. but he did. i'm sorry it turned out that way

bostonnanny said...

I agree with those who said you did sound like a flake and honestly not really interested in childcare. I don't think a review was necessary but if I were you I'd get out of the childcare field. You don't want to be a career nanny which is fine but you also don't sound like you want to do it even for the short term. Kinda sounds like its your last resort.

I would start applying for multiple office jobs and work at a pharmacy as a cashier to get you going in the career you actually want to do.

Word of advice, don't tell any interviewer that school wasn't for you and that you have another career path you can fall back on.

MonkeyNanny said...

What a freak that dad is!! So weird how some parents think that they have first dibs on every nanny they even talk to. They don't want to imagine there are any better parents than them out there.

You do not sound flaky to me. There are tons and tons and tons of nannies who are only nannying while they go to school for something else. What is wrong with that? OP was honest about that, I see no flakiness there.

I hope everyone realizes that that guy was an idiot, and won't pay attention to his review. A lot of parents will probably appreciate that you call back later if you are both still looking.

Rhiannon said...

Another silver lining... You can think of the review as a filter. Would you even WANT to work for parents who would take that review seriously?

MissMannah said...

Sorry hon, but you did come off as a flake in this situation. And you put that word in the email, which probably put it in his head before he even thought it.

I was in a very similar situation when I was looking for my first nanny job. It was between two families, Family 1 hadn't called me back yet and I had just interviewed with Family 2. Family 2 called me and hired me and Family 1 called the next day to set up an interview. I apologized, said I had just accepted a job and figured that was it. A few days later, Family 2 cancelled on me so I immediately called Family 1 and all I said was "The job fell through and I was wondering if you had found a nanny yet. If not, I am definitely interested in interviewing with you." A week later, Family 1 hired me. They didn't need to know anything about Family 2 because it was none of their business.

Dr. Juris said...

Agree that your letter was flaky, although I think that his review of you was ridiculous and technically isn't merited, since you've not ever worked for his family (you may be able to have it removed, btw).

However, I know that if I were looking for a nanny, someone raised my hopes, then told me no, then came back a month later to ask for another shot....well, I would probably have reacted the same way he did (albeit, without the review). You could have sent a quick message to inquire, but going into a book regarding the changed circumstances was just TMI and your rambling post made you seem really immature.

Lyn said...

Slightly off topic: I once applied to an ad on and received a "thank you but we are looking for a different fit" I forgot about the family no feelings were hurt. But then a week later they leave a review on my profile rating me at 1 star. They explained they had spoken to me on the phone and set up an interview with me and I had never shown up. I ended up deleting that profile after having to explain the situation to anyone who messaged me about it. And when I contacted Care they said they would not remove the review but that I could write a response that would appear below it. When that didn't seem to help I just switched to Sittercity..

nycmom said...

1. As an employer, I would not have seriously considered hiring you after you emailed me the second time. I agree with the Dad that you seemed ambivalent about being a nanny. I think his wording was harsh and I would have been much more diplomatic in a reply.

2. I would never post a review on Sittercity based on that interaction with you. In fact, I would either contact Sittercity to have it removed or post a polite (NOT defensive) and to-the-point reply. Here is an example, which is a bit longer than it needs to be but I can't think of edits at the moment.

"Dear Family X,
While I understand your point-of-view I feel our interaction is being misrepresented in your review. I did decline an interview after our initial contact, but that was because I had already been in contact with another position and made a commitment between the first email I sent you (on Day 1) and the reply I received from you (on Day X). I honor my commitments. However, the first job did not work out as the company ultimately did not have the funds to hire for the position (or other legitimate reason). At that time, I recontacted prior nanny families for positions that had seemed to be a good fit. It is fine if you do not wish to interview me, and I understand your position. However, I never left any job because a better position opened up. I did not leave the job at all, in fact. The first position did not materialize and I was never employed by them. I hope other families reading this will still consider me for a nanny position and recognize this as a misunderstanding. I can provide X references for long-term jobs that corroborate my commitment and work ethic. Good luck in your nanny search."

3. As an employer looking on Sittercity to hire someone, I would not rule you out based on his review. I have ruled out sitters based on reviews where they never showed to interviews or were consistently late. However, his review would not cause me to rule you out. I would want an explanation and would prefer you had already posted a brief, polite, and direct one on Sittercity. I would want further details, but this would not mean I would simply cross you off the list. You did not fail to respond to the family. You told them directly that you had found another job and were not interested. That is fine by me and I understand that happens.

What's in a name said...

You're a flake. So quit whinnying and trying to come up with excuses as to why! That does not matter.

You have the audacity to go back to the family and act like it's nothing!

Come on!! I'm glad he wrote the review about you, I would too!


Student Nanny said...

I definitely think that this father's anger and negative review were an overreaction and uncalled for, but I agree that if I were an employer, I probably wouldn't consider hiring you in this situation.

As a nanny I always make sure the deal is sealed before I tell other families I am no longer interested in working for them. And once I do tell them that, that's it, even if something does end up not working out, I would start my search over again before contacting families I rejected.

To Love, To Rescue said...

I just want everyone to imagine "What's in a name" yelling "Flake!!" at the computer as he/she typed that last line and share a laugh with me.

I also have to agree that you sounded like a flake. But that's okay, because now you know. And that guy sounds like an asshole anyway so there was nothing to lose in this situation. Now you know for next time. (I sincerely apologize for sounding condescending but I tried rewording it and it always comes out condescending.)

About being a pharmacy tech - When I was in high school, I worked as a cashier at a small pharmacy and they trained me to be a pharmacy tech. They did it because they needed someone and I did it because it came with a raise. You may want to look into checking out family-run pharmacies where they might hire you regardless of how much school you have completed.

StrawberryShortKakes said...

I hate to say this OP but I agree that you seem a bit flaky. Of course everyone knows that employees often apply to many jobs at once and go on many interviews but you aren't supposed to spill all these details to the employers! Jobs fall through all the time and people end up going to their second choices but again, you don't need to tell them that they are your back up plan. You also don't need to tell them your life story about you plans for life because 1. it seems like you don't know for sure and 2. it is none of their business.

If you do have to tell employers about your past or future plans, always use vague terms. For example, the fact that you didn't end up going to school, you said that the university was "not for you" which gives the idea that you don't stick with things. Of course people change their minds all the time and that is totally fine but it would probably have been better if you said that attending the university did not work out for right now but you hope to be able to attend in the future. Also you have plans to go to school online which is great but you don't need to tell them this. That plants the idea in their head that you will not be sticking with being a nanny. When you mentioned school, you can just also mention that you will be taking some online classes in the meantime and leave it at that.

I don't think that he was right to leave a nasty review and he sounds like he lost sleep over the situation! All you can do now is move on but I'm telling you, in the future don't be so wordy! Less is more in these kinds of situation.

Bethany said...

Well, your message to him does read a bit flaky, and I say that as a flaky person.

Just a case of TMI. You didn't need to tell him all that info.

A quick message saying job fell through and asking if they'd be interested in an interview would have been enough.

However, his response to you was way out of proportion.
My guess is you caught him on a bad day and he decided to take it out on you.

Seems like you dodged a bullet with this family. He's a jackass.

FYI, always make sure you have a contract signed before turning down an interview unless you know for certain you do not want to work for a family.

Magen said...

Unfortunately OP, you talk too much. You'r communication skills clearly need work. If they were better, its possible this wouldn't have happened in the manner it did. I don't think Dad's review was unfair considering that he explained the situation accurately in an attempt to alert other parents to your habits. Your habits seem to include writing verbose emails including your life story, dropping out of school, getting offended by strangers and then complaining to strangers. The fact that you compared him to your own father should clue you that you probably didn't want to work for him in the first place. You do not seem to have treated either job with the respect it deserved. Respect meaning timely communication, a great effort to work it out with the chosen job, and refraining from bad mouthing the employer. A better course of action would have been to retract your application before they responded, send them a message letting them know that you had become unavailable, or even a message saying that your employment was time sensitive and you needed to make a decision and could they please get back to you. Unfortunately, you disappointed them. You also reinforced their opinions about you with your email. You cannot be as great a nanny as you say while failing so horribly to communicate. The best way to come back from this would be to identify your flaws, work on them, and apologize to the family. In this situation, regardless of his reaction and how you feel about it, the professional thing to do is apologize and move on.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

It is sad but true...coming from a "Flakey" person....your behavior was just that.

I totally see your logic OP, it does make sense and believe me Girl...I have been there and done that. However, people tend to go by first impressions and it doesn't seem like his was favorable. I would just chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on.

Regarding the review, I once had a parent write a bad review about me on sittercity. I thought it was unfair since I never worked for the parent in question. I cancelled our interview 24 hrs prior and she was angry about it...which was perfectly unreasonable. Well, I not only wrote a response, I contacted sittercity and told them my side and asked to remove the unfair review. Well, an agent contacted me and told me ONLY the parents can remove a review, etc. So I had to contact the person who wrote it and she eventually took it down.

Personally that is my only peeve about childcare websites. It is too easy for the parents to write reviews about the Nannies/Sitters. Even if someone never worked for a family, the family still has the power to say negative things about the Nanny which can hurt her chances of finding employment.

I say these sights discontinue the reviews.

nynanny said...

While I agree with most of your comment.. really, you think OP should apologize? Given this DB's slightly temperamental nature, I'd stay away! Just mark it up to lesson learned.

nynanny said...

BTW OP, I think some of these people are being a little hard on you. I think you're probably a very nice nanny, maybe just a little young and/or inexperienced, and that may be why you come off as "flaky". Try not to take any of this to heart. Some of the advice here is good, take from it what you can and next time remember: less is best.

Bethany said...

I don't think an apology is needed here and could actualy cause more problems for the OP.

I can honestly see that man taking it as the OP mocking him and accusing her of harrassment.He has already shown his behavior to be outside the realm of normal reason

Just take it on the chin as a lesson learned and move on.

Bethany said...

@ Twocents

I agree with your assesment of care websites. They also leave little to know way of a nanny to defend herself.

ericsmom said...

I agree with others. Just move on! Do not apologize to this father. It will make you look pathetic and weak.

In time you will find a great job.

Aries said...

OP you aren't this families 'only chance left'. Nannies are always going to be on care and sittercity looking for employment.. Stop trying to act like these people need you more then you need them. They obviously don't, hence the reason they rejected you. I find it funny how your still rambling on about it too. LOL. Don't be a sore loser.

OP, you seem very judgemental. The first paragraph you're talking about this family as being a ''Awful controlling military parents'' Yet you give no examples as to why you think that.. You said you didn't see the ''red flags'' til after the fact. That's because you didn't have ill feelings until after your immature email asking for another chance. Then when he rejected you, you were bitter and are trying to gain sympathy and well wishes. Ahhh ha no.

I agree with others, you were rambling on and on and digging yourself into a hole.You should of just left it short an sweet. I don't agree with the review, i think that's immature on the Dads part but still, he's not the one going on blogs, ranting.(atleast i don't think.)

Reading your rant, this is what i heard -- ''How dare this awful father reject me , you should be lucky, seeing as how im your only chance left an im so wonderful and everyone should jump at the chance to employ me because im such a great Nanny, youll regret what you did.''

Laura said...

For once, I agree with the parents. OP sounds a little immature and probably not someone who should work with children at all. If you want a job, it's vital that you're professional. Unfortunately, OP did not strike me as professional at all; on the contrary, she sounded confrontational and aggressive in her emails to the potential DB.

Then again, DB sounded like kind of a jerk as well, so nobody is really in the clear here.

oh well said...

Well, at least his review is honest.
They contacted you back, and you had changed your mind. This is not something anyone can blame you for.
Was writing such a long e-mail to them a mistake? You sound truthful, but I can understand that some people might get the wrong vibe and turn you down. However, this is no excuse to be rude, and I agree that you would probably have run into control issues if you had worked with this family. I hope you find a great job soon.

Phoenix said...

but a few posters think that the dads reaction wasn't warranted. That is true to an extent. I think he should have expressed his opinion nicer but the OP probably touched on a nerve.

In my interpretation I would feel that someone doing this is very selfish. They express interest, then they go find something "better" only to come find out the "better" didn't pan out and then they come crawling back expecting to be hired. I feel that OP was caught off guard by this man because I think she feels very full of herself. She doesn't understand why they would be mad and not hire her. I don't know if I'm explaining this correctly. It like have a sense of entitlment.

Magen said...

You are probably right about this particular situation. Given the negative relationship and clear boundaries that no more contact is desired, an apology is probably not in the best interest of OP. However, in general, apologizing for professional mistakes is appropriate and I believe OP could benefit from understanding that point.

So what I'm a rock star!!! said...

Why does the dad sound like an asshole because he told the truth ?? I'm guessing you've been in this twats position before and you are OK with being unprofessional and canceling and then assuming they have te right to take you back and continue the interview ? Get real. What a laugh
.. Laughing at you because you seem so clueless and idiotic. :)) but I guess that should go without me saying so!!

Vanessa said...

I'm sorry but I'm going to side with the dad here. What you did wasn't right. Not turning them down, but contacting them again because your other job offer fell through. Are you serious?

If you declined a job offer from a company for another position, and then came back to them telling them "hey yeah my other job didn't work so I'll take this one now" they'd laugh in your face.

luckoftheirish said...

Lets be clear about what the pre hiring communications can reveal. As a parent, I want someone who is stable & dependable. If a prspective nanny applied for a job, to care for my child, then cancelled & then once again applied, I would believe the nanny is unstable & unreliable as well as not committed to the prospective families. Additionally, your letter came off very childish, made you look even more unreliable & the fact that you felt the need to boast about how great of a nanny you are & how reliable you are, made you look desperate. What happened to you can & does happen. But I think you need to realize the price you pay is youve lost the potential job. I think his review was fair but not neccesary at all. GL to you...

Kel said...

Uh I am usually the one who jumps to the defense of a nanny, but here I really can't. I think it was ballsy (not in a good way) to message them back after turning down the job. Once you turn down a job, that is it it's done you can't go back. IF I was the parents, I probably wouldn't react like he did (I'd just ignore you) but I certainly wouldn't consider you for the job either.

UmassSlytherin said...


your mistake, clearly, was the way your note was written. you used the word "flakey" in your own note. this was not wise. you said too much, and it was not the most professionally written note.

That being said, this father's posting, as well as his email to you, as well as his anger, is completely ridiculous.

He is an asshole and he is much more of an asshole than you are of a flake. Live and learn.

I think posters were harsh to you. I think your mistake was your email to him. He had no right to be angry or slander you on the internet for turning down the job. In the future, if this situation happens again, just give them a phone call and ask if the job has been taken because your other job did not work out.

this guy is a dick. to the person who said "glad he wrote a bad review about you" Really? Why? I would never write a review such as this based on this sole email interaction with anyone. It is juvenile and unfair.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

I think many parents abuse the privilege of writing bad reviews on these childcare websites. I once read a review from a parent who gave a Nanny one star. Why? Just because he wrote her an e-mail and she never responded. He called it "unprofessional."