World War I Memorial Park, North Attleboro, MA

raising children
World War I Memorial Park, North Attleboro, MA on Sunday April 29th, 1pm. I was at the park with my child, who has autism, and she was playing in the sand box. It is a lovely park, but I stay close to her because I have to make sure she is safe and being safe to the other children. She is high functioning: most people don't even know she has autism.

While I was watching her play, I noticed a little boy about her age (5) who had brown hair come up and take her drink of water. My daughter did not notice: she tends to have trouble socializing and does not generally get upset when someone takes her toys or things: I have to intervene and tell the child, and help my daughter talk to people. But when the boy took her water, I said, "hey buddy, that's not yours." He ignored me and drank the water, so I went over and took it saying, "it's not yours!" Well, his Dad who looked about late 20s, early 30s, also with brown hair, medium build, came running over apologizing and said, "I'm sorry, he has autism. He tries to eat other peoples food at McDonalds." The dad looked embarrassed and stressed out (as most of us with autistic kids do at times!) and I said to him, "Hey, she has autism too! I'm right there with you!" I told him how at Sunday mass, my daughter is so fascinated by ladies' shoes that she gets down on the floor to look at them up close and once she even licked a lady's shoe! lol

My point is that you really never know which kids have autism sometimes! They all look normal and need a little extra patience and guidance. But this Dad was doing his job, and he has no need to be embarrassed by his child, who was beautiful. He was right there with him, taking him to the park and chasing him around and giving him a great social experience which people with autism need. To this dad: great job. Kudos to you!


Nanny Jenn said...

This post was very "eye-opening" to read. How many of us Parents and Nannies will jump to the wrong conclusion and write this off as a simply rude child!!

I think I just got a bit of an education today.

world's best nanny said...

Wonderful post! So many people have a certain picture in their minds about what a child with Autism should be. BTW, I love that park the slides tend to get a bit toasty during summer afternoons. I keep saying I was gonna get some cookie dough and see i fit bakes on the slide.

3 with autism said...

Maybe dad should do a better job of supervising his child and teaching him appropriate behaviors instead of hoping his son doesn't offend the wrong person.

I honestly am a little tired of my fellow parents of kids with autism using it as an euse for all sorts of behavior and thinking the world owes them something

OP said...

to 3 with autism:

I am the OP, and I can tell you that this parent was not like that at all.

I would think that as a parent with an autistic child, if that is in fact true of you, you would be more compassionate. to me (and I was of course there!) It seemed that this dad was doing a great job of teaching his child. Kids are quick, and nobody is perfect. Even you!

3 with autism said...

I'm sure op does her best and the dad she mentioned probably does his best too.

I'm not perfect. I have been embarrassed and stressed plenty of times. I've gotten the stares and whispers.

I have a son who likes to pet anyone and anything. A daughter who's a licker and my other son that will grab anything and everything.

I don't let my kids wander about in public behaving any which way and scolding other people for not understanding how special I am for having a child with autism. No i don't lock them insead never to experience the world, but I'm proactive. I don't shrug it off and hope the world understands. We aren't doing ourselves or our children any favors with that attitude

Tracy said...

OP is not advocating that parents of kids with autism should not attempt to teach their kids appropriate social behavior. I also don't think she is asking for a pat on the back.
At least that's not what I see in her post.

I think this is just a friendly reminder for us all to be more compassionate because we never know exactly what is going on and not be so quick to judge, That is true for parents/ nannies of all kids not just those with autism.

I can relate to both sides as a mother of a child with autism and in my previous life as an OT teaching parents how to interact with their child with autism.

Mom to 3 ( I want to send you a hug) you seem to be having a tough day.

Hugs to all.

Phoenix said...

my opinion (and its not a popular one) Why the F does every freakin kid get diagnosed with autism. That is like when all the kids got diagnosed with ADD. Just because a child does strange stupid things doesn't mean they are autistic. It means they are kids! Holy crap. Some kids yes, they are obviously different and slower in some areas. But just cuz your child is a little socially awkward doesn't mean anything. I grew up with kids who would have been called "autistic" and no one catered to them or held their hand. They figured out how to deal in the world

I can't stand it. People used to think that my kid had a form of autism. When it turned out he just couldn't fucking speak English. Get over it.

Phoenix said...

and I'm tired of parents using it as a reason for their kid acting a fool. It doesn't matter what form of anything your kid has. Teach the same as you would if you didn't have a dr to give you an out for your kids behavior.

Amy said...

I agree, to a point, with Phoenix. I know some children who were diagnosed autistic and then miraculously were "healed" just like some children I know who were diagnosed ADHD, then put on a more structured schedule with clear expectations and consequenses and all of a sudden started behaving more socailly acceptable ("normal"). Now, there are autistic children, I am not for one second saying its all BS, but those "high functioning" autistic children I feel are just a little delayed socially and the diagnosis is BS in most cases.

StrawberryShortKakes said...

Phoenix, this is probably the worst thing you have ever said on ISYN, and that's saying a lot. I am a behavior therapist and work with children with autism and believe me, these children are more than just "socially awkward." Yes, there are children that are high functioning and may just come across as a little quirky but spend a day doing my job and then maybe you'll see how wrong you are.

A lot of the children and families I work with spend up to 30 hours a week in services. That includes behavior therapy, speech, occupational therapy, physical therapy, and on and on. Do you think they do that just so they can use that as an excuse as to why their child "does stupid stuff (your words, not mine)?" I don't think so.

And as far as your theory about teaching a child with autism the same way you teach a typically developing child... all I can say is yeah right, get a clue! You really should educate yourself on this topic before you speak.

And maybe the reason it seems that more kids are being diagnosed with autism is because in America, children need the diagnosis in order to receive services.

Phoenix said...

I already told you that it was going to be bad. I stated that at the very start. And i won't have my opinion changed for anything. I know a little boy who has "real" autism and I know kids who have "pretend" autism. They want to know why Susan can't count like the other kids, they want to know why Joey isn't playing with the other kids. So they test them. Lo and behold they aren't learning at the same rate as the majority. They must be autistic! Then they magically catch up to the other kids and they are cured!!!!

I call BS they never had it to begin with. Stop craddling babies and save this disease for children who have it and for parents who have to deal with it. Not because your kid can't count

Phoenix said...

we also don't want me to explain WHY kids are getting more diseases. That would probably put me on the same level as hitler so I will go into that.

Phoenix said...

and i never said autism doesn't exist. I said not ALL kids who are diagnosed with it have the disease. And it goes back to parents who are freaked out about every little thing that happens. I swear, some parents would put their kids in a bubble if they were given the chance. And my friend who has that severly autistic boy who only speaks a few words and waves. she treats him no differnt than her "normal" kids. He is held to the same standards and you know what? He isn't socially awkward like most autistic kids. There is a limit to how much garbage these doctors can feed us. I would NEVER EVER think any of my kids were autistic. It just wouldn't happen in my family. I think one of my cousins would have been classified if she was a kid of today but she wasn't.

I don't like it that parents use it as a crutch when in fact it is just cuz their kid is a little slow. Period

Brielle said...

Autism is a real thing. Autism has many different faces. Two people can truly have autism and be nothing alike.
I also believe it has become the diagnosis du jour. Which a child receiving the wrong diagnosis is just as bad as a child receiving no diagnosis. There is actually a huge push right now to tighten the criteria for diagnosis.

Their are parents that work hard day in and day out with their children, therapists etc and the results don't always show up over night. I love working with these families. Love it ups & downs and alls.

I've seen parents that don't try don't care and don't want to help their child be the best they can be. I feel badly for their kids and get frustrated and angry with the parents.

UmassSlytherin said...

My daughter has autism. It is not an easy thing to have a child diagnosed with autism. I don't know of any parents who have said, "Wow, I'm so glad my child was diagnosed with autism so that they can get special treatment and act like a fool."

To Strawberry and Brielle: thank you for your kind posts. They are appreciated.

OhBoyOhBoy said...

My Nephew has high Funcioning Autisim. They found out about it at age 3. His Parents were in denial for MANY years. He flaps his arms, walks on tip toe, and jumps for a good part of the day. He can speak, but is not socially appropriate. I will never foget going to Disneyland with his family. He was 5 and his Brothers were 4, 3, and 18 months. The plane was having engine trouble (it was VERY scary), and my autistic nephew was beside himself!! Not with fear, but with extreme happiness and excitment! He would randomly yell out, "READY! WE'RE ALL GONNA CRASH AND DIE! HAHAHAHA!!!"And flapping his arms like crazy!! We were being very firm with him, and his Dad got to the point of putting his had over his sons mouth because the other passengers were getting very upset and crying! They wouldn't let us take him in the bathroom because we had to all keep seatbelts on. It was HELL!! Another thing he would do (around age 7)was randomly hit woman in the breast! He would stare right before and then pounce! He is now 18, and still jumps and flaps in public, but is about to Graduate High school. I love him, but it's hard......although he has given us SO many family stories! My hat goes off to anyone raising an Autistic child!

StrawberryShortKakes said...

I won't even comment back to you Phoenix. You're so set in your ways that it's not even worth my time.

Regular visitor said...

I am wondering what Phoenix's excuse is for acting a fool on this board time and time again.

ELam said...

Autism is an extremely controversial topic. But, it is real and there is no denying it. I absolutely agree that some doctor's are a little too quick to diagnose, and I also agree that alternative methods (i.e. behavioral therapy) should be utilized before prescription medication is considered.

I also work with children on the ASD spectrum doing ABA therapy and the range of behaviors between my 5 kids is incredibly different from one to the next, but it doesn't mean one has "pretend" autism while another child has a more "real" version of it. As another poster pointed out, they are attempting to reign in the criteria for autism (albeit this is a case of too little too late, as this is going to cause a lot of individuals to lose the services they are getting because they will no longer fall into the criteria for the disorder).

Anyway, like I said, it's controversial. My own mother will not discuss my job with me because she too does not believe in autism and thinks what I do is a joke. But when you work with these kids, it is so very clear that it is not just a case of "acting like a child", especially when other "normal" children are so obviously confused and uncomfortable around some of my kids when they're exhibiting their quirky behaviors. There is one boy in my group session who literally only speaks in movie quotes and will never make eye contact. You can tell him "Stop saying that! Stop doing that! Look at me!" until you're blue in the face, it doesn't matter. These kids often don't register that you are upset with them and that they are acting inappropriately.

Saying "Sorry, he has autism" is not a crutch, at least not in OP's story. The dad came up, redirected his child, and explained his behavior to the other parent. Now, had he walked up and said "Oops sorry he has autism that's why he's drinking your child's water, don't worry about it!" and just let it go on, then yes, that would be using autism as a crutch. I can honestly say that none of the parent's I work with hold their child to a different standard than their "normal" children.

I tend to find that those who are uneducated or unfamiliar with autism are the ones to get all weird about it and treat those kids differently. I do a couple days a week at an after-school center and there was one boy there who was blatantly not listening to any of the counselor's directions. The kids were asked to sit and be quiet, he would stand and scream and pull out toys, etc. and the counselor was just letting him do it. I tend to use a lot of the same approaches with other kids that I do with my ABA kids, and I went over, took the toys without saying anything, and physically sat him down and kept gesturing to the counselor who was talking. The counselor looked at me and said "He's autistic, he doesn't listen" (I had no idea he had autism until she said that). So she was holding him to a different standard by letting him do whatever he pleased, just because he had autism. I've seen school teachers do the same thing.

My point is that children with autism are capable of everything that "normal" children are capable of, they just interact with the world in a different way. And that's not a crutch nor should it be, if those who worked with kids were given just the slightest bit of education about autism (seeing as it is so prevalent) they wouldn't have to find themselves in those situations where they sort of just give up on that one child. It honestly takes just the tiniest bit of tweaking to your own behavior and perceptions to communicate with or understand somebody with autism.

I didn't mean for that to be so long, sorry guys.

UmassSlytherin said...

Well said, ELam. Very well said. Thanks for your post.

heather said... anyone who dosen't believe in autism should really check out Carley's blog. This is amazing stuff!

Tapioca said...

"It wouldn't happen in my family." WTF? Maybe so, if autism doesn't occur in the family of what has got to be one of the most ignorant posters ever. Please don't hold back your vast intelligence Phoenix and please let us know why "diseases are happening more often in kids." We, and the NIH, are waiting with baited breath.

Mstk3000 said...

In the 80s/90s it was AD(H)D. Most little boys I knew, who bounced off the walls and didn't want to sit down and do their homework had it.
Bipolar. That's the over produced adult diagnoses of the decade or so it seems.
Asperger Syndrome. Don't even get me started on all the BS.
Gluten Allergies. Enough said.
Autism. I have to agree with Phoenix.Do I think some children have it? Certainly. Do I think ALL children diagnosed REALLY have autism? Certainly not.Do you, REALLY? Some children and adults are awkward. Go to wiki type in autism. You see the picture with the baby stacking cans on the floor? That's a sign of autism? Scroll down a bit, see the one of the child who placed his toys in size order? I'm sorry but those are not signs and symptoms of anything other than a child playing with cans and kid who felt like grouping his toys together that afternoon. Now. Some people will use autism and anything else in the world to excuse not only their behavior, but their child's. Does everyone? Of course not, but yes there are some people who will get a doctor, and don't say there are not doctors who don't just stick a label on and go about their day to call a socially awkward or a child who is perhaps just developing slower than his peers autistic. I also think that a concrete "diagnoses" of a behavior even with a very broad and loose definition such as autism, will for some parents put their mind at ease. If they can strive for a cure or a reason for their child's odd or quirky behavior, they can lean on that and somehow make it better for their baby and themselves. Some people are not going to take "Your kid failed the reading test, he needs to work harder." at face value. They need to have a diagnoses as to why little johnny isn't a mathlete and bringing home the 'Proud Honor Student' bumper sticker.

And I don't care what anyone says, it is totally over diagnosed. There are like 5 people on this thread alone who have children with autism. I believe there is mother on here with three autistic kids?
There is a pretend and real autism. People need not be so sensitive.Some kids just like to stack cans.

On phone sorry for typos*

UmassSlytherin said...

Glad you posted twice. We get to make double-certain of your ignorance.

I wonder if you realize how ignorant you sound. I am guessing that you do not. I feel sad for you and for your future children.

Beezus said...

All of you really need to take a deep breath and not be so sensitive. Phoenix has a different opinion than you, probably isn't the first or last time this will happen. Autism is as controversial as saying abortion is a beneficial. No two people will agree entirely, and frankly it's kind of a dull subject- which is odd, since its a relatively new "epidemic" CNNs word not mine. I can't go on that site without a sappy autism story. I don't like being told my eyes aren't green, that they're hazel.Parents don't want to be told their kids are slow, or not slow; autistic or not autistic. Better to let sleeping dogs lie.

Hellcat said...

I loved this story!
My son is 5 and has ASD as well. He also steals food. One time on the bus a lady was wearing a shiny silver coat and he was licking his fingers and touching her coat. (I stopped him when I noticed)

But yes. Most people just assume he's rude.

UmassSlytherin said...

I love this thread because it really is showing me which posters are stupid and which are not! And frankly, I am surprised at the results! :)

Surprised, but pleased! Thanks again to the Autism Awareness supporters here.

nashville nanny said...

Wow Phoenix... that's a new low for you. Just when I thought you couldn't possibly be a more pompous, ignorant, uneducated, asshat...... you outdo yourself. I almost feel I should applaud you, because I genuinely believe you strive to be a total shit on every level.... but I can't, because that you only encourage your assinine posts.

UmassSlytherin said...

I personally thought Beezus's comment took the cake as far as ignorance goes.

Beezus said...

UMASS for the love of God; shut the hell up. You're the most annoying person on this blog hands down. You have something to say about EVERYTHING. You love to argue and can't tolerate anyone who doesn't share your belief. Pathetic.

UmassSlytherin said...

Beezus, you are a disgrace to any character that Beverly Cleary ever created. I have to insist that you change your moniker.

saywhat? hahahahahaha said...

You are saying UM cannot tolerate any other opinions yet you are saying to her "shut up, you're annoying?" hahahahahahahahahah

Wow. That's pretty dumb. :)

Phoenix said...

I am not sure why I would be considered ignorant. I don't follow the norm and I question authority to the point where it will annoy people. I don't believe everything anyone tells me. And yes I do know children with autism. I also know children who are diagnosed autistic but they are just special kids doing special kid things. being shy doesnt mean the kid can't socailize. I think ignorance is the label for people who just accept everyhing they are told. They just accept that what a dr says is right. Doctos are wrong. A lot. They are wrong so much. My uncle had CP. They said he would die at 18. He lived to be 43 and he was probably the creepiest man on the planet. People would put their guard down around him because he was severly crippled but he was a pervert. They allowed him to behave bad because he was crippled. The man needed to be put to sleep. There was nothing wrong with him mentally but other people catered to him because he was crippled. I see a person for who they are on the inside. Not how they behave on the outside. And if that is ignorant, then I will be the most ignorant person on the planet and proud of it

Beezus said...

Not sure what made me "ignorant" Umass. All I basically said was that you cannot tell someone something they do not want to hear or accept. Just like you don't like being called pathetic, I don't like seeing every third child I meet be diagnosed with autism. I've been a nanny for children with AUTISM and I've also been a nanny for a child with "autism", and there is a drastic difference. Stop being so sensitive about something that everyone has an opinion on, whether it be a popular one or not.
Also I wasn't aware that Beverly Clearys books had an affiliation with autism, it was a Tv show too, and I don't recall any of that. I guess you were reading way in between the lines there, because all I saw there as a kid was a big older sister and little annoying sister doing little annoying sister things.

UmassSlytherin said...

Seriously, change it. :)

UmassSlytherin said...

lol what? :)

Beezus said...

Yep because Autism and child are interchangeable words these days. All kids have autism therefore every book about children or for children is autism related.

UmassSlytherin said...

Beezus, as far as I know none of Bevery Cleary's characters have autism. lmfao
I am sorry that you misunderstood me.
I just want you to change your moniker. Because Beverly Cleary, and Beezus Quimby, is cool.
And I don't think you are.

The Devil said...

It is a fact that there are children diagnosed with autism who do not have autism and received the wrong diagnosis and treatment in some cases for years that's a fact.

For those of you who claim to be so educated on the subject you should know that.

Not every parent if a child with autism is a saint period. You may be and your friend may be, but not everyone is. Their are shitty parents in every group parents of children with autism are not exempt.

While I'm at it someone can be plent educated on a topic and form an entirely different opinion than the majority You don't have to like it or agree with it but that's the way it is.

UmassSlytherin said...

People are misdiagnosed with all manner of illnesses and disabilities. That really has nothing to do with the original topic at hand.

I don't think anybody here who is a parent of an autistic child claims to be a saint.

Beezus said...

Oh Devil, you're just so "ignorant".
Figured I'd beat Umassslytherin to it.

UmassSlytherin said...

Beezus. Are you 11, like the Beezus in the book?

world's best nanny said...


I have posting on this board since 2007 I think everyone is entitled to their opinion, and there have been some doozies over the years. You however, are offensive, rude and you enjoy shoving things down peoples throats.

Eventually you will be the only one posting here because you've run everyone off. It takes two to tango.

Aries said...

Why do people on these boards try so hard to prove someone wrong. Try so hard to prove to people that they're right? People are going to have there opinions and they will never be the same as other peoples opinions and just because you're annoymous online doesn't give you the right to call people 'ignorant' for not agreeing with you. It actually makes you the ignorant one.

People believe what they believe and a stranger on the internet isn't going to change it.

Get over yourselfs people.

Aries said...

Worlds best nanny - If people are running off this website because of Pheonix, like you claim, then they are really way to sensitive and don't need to be in here to begin with. If you can't take the heat then stay the heck outta the kitchen. (or in this case, ISYN.)

ericsmom said...

Well my son sees a developmental specialist every year. This year it was changed to his being on the

I don't feel like he has Autism honestly. I don't treat him any different than any other kid. He does need some help in school. His speech is delayed and I really think its also a shyness he has. He does receive OT and PT in school as well. He is only six. I hope in time he will not need all these services. But I do appreciate all the therapist they are awesome!!! Someone mentioned the route of ABA that is what I am trying to get for him.

I agree somewhat with Phonenix kids will be kids. ALL kids act up doesn't mean its always because they have autism. My son is the sweetest kid (swear on my life). He does of course has his bratty moments like any others. So I don't blame his diagnosis on it.

He does need extra help in social and language skills. If he wasn
t "labeled" not sure if he would be receiving all this extra help in school.

I wish everyone the best. I never would judge you and your situation.

Good nite

Phoenix said...

ericsmom do other people try to tell you that you son has a form of autism because he behaves a certain way?

when my little sister was in school she wasn't able to focus. She always seemed to be in her own world. People would tell my parents they felt my sister had ADD or that she had some type of learning disability. They were trying to find the "why" for her behavior not telling my sister to behave. It turns out it was just that she wasn't connecting to the teachers and she felt that they were being mean to her. she calls it her dark years, LOL. She doesn't have ADD but she is slower to learn. My parents weren't accustomed to it because they were used to the way i did things. I have a photgraphic memory and i was able to excel in school by doing next to nothing. All through college I never even read any text books. It just came easier to me. My sister has to study, and study hard. But just because she can't perform at my level didn't make her slow or retarded. That is what people were trying to tell her. They would say it to her face and she would get depressed and it would get worse.

My son had the same issues. They were telling him he needed therapy because he must have a disability if he can't perform like the other kids. He just didn't know English and he had to take extra classes so he could learn it.

Point being. Not every child diagnosed with a disorder has one. If parents would spend more time looking at their child and not holding on to other people's opinion they may be pleasantly surprised. i feel that this does go hand in hand with helicopter parents. There are people who will exploit their child's disability to get sympathy where non is due. Now I will be very clear. I'm not putting every single child with a diagnosis with autism in the same catagory. There are children who have it and they are diagnosed correctly. But there are parents who need to have the "why" factor when they feel their child is less than perfect. Instead of focusing on helping the child they look for the "why" That is not fair to the child and it is insulting to the people who generally do need help. Some (not all) kids diagnosed with autism don't have it. That is a fact and it is an unfortunate one. Instead of bashing people who recognize this take the time to think. I would be delighted to know my child was diagnosed wrong and then I would know how to help. Outside opinions don't matter it is the parents opinion that counts because they are the ones who are required to help their child deal with life.

I have not said anything insulting or derogatory in my statement.

ericsmom said...

Exactly Phoenix. My son doesn't seem interested in the other kids or teachers too much. I think its like your son he isn't clinking with all of them. I think part of it is boredom. He falls asleep in class lol. Well who can blame him. School can be really boring!

Now I do know he does have a speech delay and other delays. Just can't believe its autism.

At school they ask me if he talks at home?? Of course he does I say he is a chatter box. In school he doesn't really talk much. I think he is a little shy as well. I was very shy as a kid but outgrew it.

Example: maybe in school he is very very quiet. If he is around kids he knows outside of school he is the total opposite.

Phoenix did you guys always seem to butt heads with the teachers? I feel like thats going to be happening with son's teachers

Phoenix said...

yes we were always at odd with teachers. my son didn't actually come out of his box until he was 10

At school, living in Phoenix most children are bi-lingual and they speak spanish. He was able to find other kids that spoke spanish too so he connected with them. The only problem we have with that is most of his friends parents don't speak any English at all.

We would always get called into school because they thought that his quiet was stupidity. I don't know how they came up with that! I was a shy child until I knew everyone then I opened up. It is natural for people to take in their surrounding until they know the lay of the land. but i don't like it that the teachers would tell my son they thought he had problems. It made him really self-conscience. He would do bad on tests because the teachers would hover over him waiting for him to make a mistake. It was really awful. I can't imagine what he felt like. They were always trying to find something wrong with him. All he needed was guidance.

growing up we had kids in class that would fall asleep. They were bored and disruptive sometimes. Turns out most of them were litte genius kids and they were too advanced for those classes. The teachers weren't able to keep their interest.

everyone learns differently. Some people learn by doing others by watching. . A lot of teachers now are very concerned about how their classes do on testing becaue that is a reflection of them. This has changed the way they teach.

In Arizona all schools in the inner city have English learning class for kids that only speak spanish. And some kids come to school knowing no enlgish at all because their parents don't speak it. this has caused delays in learning in my opinion. During the early grade level teachers are spending more time trying to get kids to understand the language rather than do the work. Most of those kids cant even do homework because their parents can't help them. it is a real problem. I don't understand why the teachers would assume my son was slow when they have other kids with the same issues. What I think happened was that my husband and I don't speak much spanish at all. My son was with his biological mom growing up and she can't speak english (how my husband was able to married to her, I have no fucking clue) but she didn't teach him anything. No numbers, letters, or spelling his name. The school must have assumed he was an English speaker and instead of asking him they just kept compliing the work on him and wondering why he couldn't do it.

It was really sad. I felt so bad that he had to struggle like that. I was so pissed at the school. I don't think a teacher has any right to tell a small child they have problems. It kills their confidence and they make it worse. It happened with my son and my sister.

Phoenix said...

I think you will have issues with teachers. The best way to get them off your back is to tell them he has been tested (even if he hasnt) and he has no known disabilities. He is just shy. I would work with him at home on things they teach in school. That's what we did. You can't make him be more assertive and lose his shyness. Like you, he will grow out of it. It is normal for children to be shy. If anyone tells you different they aren't very intelligent in early childhood development. Teachers need to learn to support the kids not berate them and force them into situations they aren't comfortable with. I was a child that was perfectly content to play by myself. I feel that kids who have the ability to entertain themselves are incredibly intelligent. Your son may just not have anything to say to these other kids. Maybe he feels they have nothing in common. He is smarter than people realize.

But yes, my long winded answer. You will have issues with schools. We also started to put my son into after school sports that were team based so he could feel that commradery that boys like. It did help him some. He didn't like soccor at first tho. He would stand in the out-field and look at the clouds. LOL. His coaches again thought he was delayed or slow. There is a difference between not liking something and be mentally delayed. I told the coaches to look at it from an adult perspective. When your wife talks you tune her out and stare at the sky or something else. You are not interested. Same thing. He got it after that

poor little boy :( said...

Ericsmom: you are in denial. This is common. If you don't see that your child's needs are met, he will not progress the way he is supposed to. You should be an advocate for him and work as a team with his educational professionals and doctors. But you are not. This is a mistake.

Phoenix said...

ericsmom is NOT making a mistake. That is her son. Educators judge children in a public environment that might be scary to younger kids. They don't see how he is at home. My son didn't have disabilities and they thought he did. They were WRONG.

I'm sorry but you are a bitch for saying that to her. How heartless are people? That really pisses me off. She is doing the best for HER son and you are the type of people she will fight. The idiots look for any reason to call a kid retarded. For shame

poor little boy :( said...

I never said anyone was retarded, Phoenix. But I'm starting to think that you are.

Ericsmom is in denial. Poor little boy.

Brielle said...

Ericsmom, I don't know your situation, but you say he was jus now diagnosed after sppending years with this team, so that doesn't sound like a rush to judgement

I would encourage you to keep an open mind and get a second opinion

Brielle said...

Just for general information.

Throwing around the word retard is truly offensive.

Autism does not equal mental retardation.

Not every child with autism is violently out of control.

Shyness is shyness. A total lack of interest in one's environment is something else.

UmassSlytherin said...


I really admire your persistance, not to mention your compassion and willingness to educate. However, the debbie downer side of me feels you are wasting your time with these people. It is so sad, because you explain it so well. But some people here will never get it if they have not by now.

Kaahh said...

I have a feeling that poor little boy is Umassslytherin. Just a hunch.

sabrina said...

worlds best nanny, i don't see anyone leaving ISYN, lol. seriously, have you noticed how fucking lit up this blog has been lately? lol, and no, it's not all about the drama, i really think some people are here to learn, and ARE learning something new. personally though, i do have to say, i'd be scared as shit to hire some of these nannies here - they can be so rude and insulting and i have a very hard time believeing it'd be so easy for them to "shut" that part of themselves off and i wouldn't want my children around that kind of behavior!!

UmassSlytherin said...

Sabrina, Wow: great situational question! lol What if you HAD to hire a nanny from this site? lmfao

I would pick Manhattan Nanny. Let's all choose one! :)

Kaahh said...

Don't be sad UMASS when no one chooses you!

UmassSlytherin said...

Kaah: You chose me, obviously. To troll, that is. :)

And I would not choose myself as a nanny.

anonynanny said...

Phoenix: You're right that some kids get diagnosed with autism don't have it. That's because in some states, you can only get special ed services for a kid by putting them into that box. It's done with the best intentions - the evaluator (usually the school psychologist) sees that this kid needs help and is behind, and so she says he has autism so he can get the help he needs. Without the diagnosis, he won't be able to get services and then he won't improve.

Why does it matter whether or not a kid has a "disability"? A disability is just an inability to do something. I have a music disability because I can't play any instruments. The only reason it isn't stigmatized is because it's not used as a label in schools.

Educators are starting to see what you're saying - that you need to see the way the kid acts in multiple situations in order to get a picture of what's going on with him. I'm in a school psych grad program now and they're doing all they can to teach us how to include the family in the evaluation procedure. But it's really difficult, and a lot of parents aren't as invested as you. In the past school psychologists haven't been trained to bring the parents and other people into the conversation. The world of evaluation is changing FAST but unfortunately not fast enough, and not everybody is on board with changing with the times.

anonynanny said...

ericsmom: Have you ever filled out a BASC? It's a long questionnaire about your son's behavior at home. If the things you report about him don't match up with the things the teacher reports, they can't say those things are a disability. They're only able to be considered a disability if you AND the teacher say that he has those problems, in both environments. Ask for a BASC if you haven't done one before.

ericsmom said...

Poor little boy you don't know shit. My son does receive services I am not in denial. I would never ever deny him the help he needs. Not that it is your business but I take him every year to the developmental specialist. This year is the first year she put him on the spectrum. I told her I am not sure if it is correct. She told me I can come back in a couple weeks to see how he does. The day I took him he had a really bad cold and was on medicine.

So you should really mind your own business. I am an awesome mom. Of course you can't tell from here, but I do everything for my son. Attend all the IEP meetings, have him in therapies, etc. Extra activities afterschool.

Thank you Phoenix for sticking up for me. I was so busy yesterday with work. Then with a music class with my son I didn't have time to come on this site. Even now I didn't get to read all the hateful comments about us.

sabrina said...

Umass, I think I'd probably choose worlds best nanny. I've read a lot of her posts and she really seems to know what she's doing!

Anyone else? lol

ericsmom said...


Thanks for your thoughts. Of course I have been seeing all the specialists for over four years now. I try to be very involved with my son and whats going on in school.
No he does have a shyness. School he is quiet, at home and everywhere else he is not.

Thank you. Yes, I filled out forms on my sons behavior. Its funny to see how mine is so different from the teachers.

Why does everyone get upset when Phoenix states her opinion? We all have the right to say what we want. She tells it like it is. I think thats a great quality to have.

Brielle said...

Hi ericsmom!

I'm glad you responded. I hope i didn'y imply you weren't involved with your son. That wasn't my intention at all. Sorry if it felt that way.

It seems like you are in tuned to your son and have a team of specialists willing to take their time a get things right.

Hopefully things can get worked out with his classroom teacher as well so he can be comfortable at school.

I wish you both the best and you get the answers you need.

Phoenix said...


I aparently spew venom when I speak. I could probably say the most practical thing that everyone should agree with and I would still be wrong. It is quite comical at times.

I really hope that people start to understand how your son is in his "off" time. A lot of educators seem to think that school is the child's only form of life they have in the early years. How a child behaves in school is more than likely not a reflection of how they behave at home. For some children it is. I just don't like the fact that people think they need to shove things down a kids throat when they don't need it. Especially when their parents disagree. Sometimes the kid only needs a little push into the right direction. A little guidance and a little support go a long way.

I found that if I told my son I had faith he could do it, he tried harder to get it done. That can go a long way

I do know a lot of parents who are in denial about their kids but its usually when the kid doesn't have a problem and they think it does.

SocialWorkerNanny said...

I work exclusively with children and adolescents who have been diagnosed with Serious Emotional and Behavioral Disturbance/Challenges.

First of all-

It's ADHD. There is no such thing as ADD. I know this is my own pet peeve, but it drives me crazy that people constantly get this wrong.


There are only three diagnoses that people can receive on the Autism spectrum. It's either Autism, Asperger's Syndrome or PDD, NOS. In my experience hardly any child is haphazardly given a first diagnosis of Autism or Asperger's Syndrome. They are usually first diagnosed with a PDD, NOS because they display some symptoms and then continued to be monitored. Then some of these children go on to basically outgrown these symptoms and don't fit the criteria any longer or develop more symptoms and are later given a more specific diagnosis. School districts do not like children with Autism diagnoses, because they must provide more services to these children and these services are EXPENSIVE. I know several parents who have had to fight for years to get their child the correct diagnosis and services that they deserve.


There are no magic autism medications. Yes, some children who have been diagnosed with autism are medicated to help treat their behavior challenges such as aggression, tantrums, etc.. But to my knowledge there are no medications developed specifically for autism spectrum disorders.

Finally, before you all pass judgement on someone, try and walk a mile in their shoes. I work with one six year old little boy who is severely autistic. Before I started working with them he consistently escaped the house runs away in the middle of the night. Now all the doors and windows in the house are alarmed. He also throws horrendous tantrums and can be very aggressive towards both his mother and his younger brother. His mother does everything possible for him, but is exhausted taking care of the two boys by herself. I'm sure there are times when people see her out in the community with them and think she is a horrible mom because of his behavior.

UmassSlytherin said...

Yes, worlds best nanny would be a good one too.

I would hire Phoenix, but not as a nanny. I would hire her to entertain at an adult party, like reading insulting fortunes to people. :)

UmassSlytherin said...

Regarding autism, I am no way discussing this topic on ISYN further. I have heard enough.

Phoenix said...

I would love to entertain at adult parties! i do like being the center of attention if that wasn't already known! LOL

but as the fortunes go. They are only insulting if you think they are. Everything is to help and if you don't want to know something bad...don't ask. people I work with learned that the hard way. Then they would get mad at me when the bad shit would come true!

Jenatae said...

Phoenix Does Andre Linoge mean anything to you?

world's best nanny said...


What makes you think that anyone wants your help? No one addresses you personally, there are other people who post here and they help without be snide, or dropping the F-bomb

I think you are a troll, hiding behind wordy posts and a profile pic. I for one am tired of reading all of your pointless drivel

Phoenix said...

people actually do address me personally. I am sure that when they say my name its to insult me. I was making a joke. For the love of god people

yikes said...

"Why does it matter whether or not a kid has a "disability"? A disability is just an inability to do something. I have a music disability because I can't play any instruments. The only reason it isn't stigmatized is because it's not used as a label in schools."

This is by far the most insane, stupid dumbass comment I have read on ISYN in a long, long time. It really stands out in its stupidity.

yikes said...

Also, from my experience, most school psychologists are quacks. They really are.

ericsmom said...


Is just giving her point of view. What is wrong with that?

If you can take it then please don't bother reading her comments.

Phoenix said...

people still read my comments. I have told them the same thing. I don't know why it happens I really don't.

*sigh* in the land where everyone must think the same...conversational communism

ericsmom said...

lol, sorry half sleeping when I wrote your name Phoenix