I have seen this go on too long and I feel like I have to say something. Every afternoon, I take my toddler to Appleseeds to met up and play with his grandmother. While the two of them are having a grand old time, I am able to look around and observe the nannies who are there with their wards. Some are very loving and engaged, but many are just sitting and socializing. The worst of them all is this one nanny who completely ignores the two boys she is there with every day, to the point that the younger one is constantly getting into fights with other kids and menacing them.
Your two boys are adorable, huge brown eyes, cute brown hair, very active; the younger one (around age 2.5) has an adorable mop of lighter brown curls and his older brother (maybe 5 yrs old? He is tall) has sleek dark hair in a stylish, longer blunt cut. Your nanny is overweight and of south Asian ethnicity. She was wearing a purple and lilac striped cardigan this past Monday, and a mustard colored top on Tuesday. I forget what she wore yesterday -- sorry -- but it was a travesty that she had the two kids locked up inside Appleseeds when it was almost 60F outside and everyone was at the park (we came into Appleseeds just to wash our hands and do a diaper change -- the place was almost deserted).
Your nanny is always just sitting in one corner or along one wall, talking with other nannies or staring off into space. Your youngest one got into a huge fight with another kid yesterday and the Appleseeds staff had to intervene. She had no idea what was going on because she was in a completely different room from him and he was in tears in the other room! I can understand that she can't keep an eye on both boys at once, since they are all over the place at this age, but she really should keep better tabs on the younger one since the older one can handle himself pretty well (he is rambunctious, but not a danger to other kids); your younger one, however, I have seen start several fights and he is always grabbing toys away from other kids. I have observed this here and there for well over a month, but since I started going to Appleseeds every day at 4p two weeks ago, I have been able to observe your nanny's behavior being this way day in and day out. Yes, lots of nannys just sit along the wall and talk to each other, with no idea of where their ward has gone; she, however, is the worst offender in terms of completely ignoring the kids she's supposed to be taking care of. Mind you, her behavior is also breaking Appleseed rules.
I hope that this reaches the parents of those two handsome little boys. It would be a shame if they, or some other kids, got hurt because of this nanny's negligence. I also don't see why she doesn't let them play outside on an afternoon when it is so beautiful. Today (Thursday, March 8th) is supposed to be 60F outside and if I see her with those two kids locked up inside Appleseeds again, I feel like I should say something to the staff about informing their parents about this nanny.
21 comments:
Very well written OP. By your description, I am guessing that Applebee's is an indoor/outdoor playground.
Apparently this nanny doesn't understand that the younger child could get seriously hurt, disappear, run out of the building, or get abducted. If something serious happened, I would love to know what her answer would be to the parents.
Next time you see the younger child do something that isn't safe to himeself or someone else, I would take the younger child to her and explain to her that it is her job to supervise him. Watch her reaction. Do you know if there is a liability form or waiver that parents have to sign for their child to play there? Maybe you could make the manager aware of the situation and obtain the family's information, such as email or phone number. To contact the family would be awkward, however, I would settle for awkward as opposed to risking the children's safety.
Please let us know what happens!
Good post OP,
I would not confront the nanny. These exchanges always end badly. She will become defensive and angry. Not a situation you want to get into with your children present.
Talk to the staff. Offer to give them your phone # to pass on if the parents would like to contact you.
Although there is no real excuse for this behavior, and I would not do it myself, I will bet that some of these nannies are with these kids 12 hours a day, five days a week, and are exhausted and burned out. In addition, are poorly paid off the books. I observe this nanny behavior and hear the above complaints everywhere nannies gather. Parents frequently just want cheap and covenient. Using a day care center might require then to come home on time and do a little laundry and child care in the evenings.
If you would have seen my nanny gabbing on the phone will my son was being beaten with a barbie by a wiley four yr old, would you excuse her behavior? We paid our nanny $17 per hour for one child. Some days she worked 12 hours, but9 was the average. Whatever the pay is, these nannies accept the pay and agree to provide a service for it. If you buy a washer from someone other than the Maytag man, are you suggesting that one deserves no agitation because they didn't pay enough? Or buy the right machine?
You bad nanny excusers are WORSE than the bad nannies.
Beethovens II: what are you talking about?
BeetovenII - Scctgrrl was defending the bad nanny. Why do alot of people on this site jump at the smallest things? did you read the first line or two that Scctygrrl wrote? The rest is just her saying how some nannies might be if they are working endless hours getting paid peanuts. She's not excusing it. She is just talking about reality. Thats how some nannies think, they start to resent the parents or kids. Is it right? Heck no but it happens.
I meant *defending*... Ughhh Typos sorry
Beethoven,
If you read what I wrote, there were no excuses made.
Just stating that you get what you pay for.i paid my sitters well and came home on time, or made back-up arrangements back in the day.
Actually i meant *wasen't defending*.. Does anyone know if there is spell check on here? I am typing fast and sometimes on my phone so i tend to make spelling errors here and there and its bugging me lol..
I'm surprised the nanny and the boys are still allowed at this place if the behavior is as bad as you describe. I'm surprised their staff hasn't intervened and asked them not to come back. Maybe they will now since this last incident had a staff member get involved.
I think you'd be better served complaining to the staff. They can confront the nanny, they can ask she and her charges to leave. I so wanted they could ind away to contact the parents.
As for them having to play inside big friggin' deal. Did it ever occur to you busy bodies their might be an actual valid reason the kids were inside that day.
Probably not on self righteous nanny board.
"Some are very loving and engaged, but many are just sitting and socializing."
i don't understand what is wrong with a nanny sitting and talking to other adults. I mean why does a nanny have to be in the kids grill the entire time? Granted they shouldn't allow their charges to "be a menace" to other kids but I see nothing wrong with kids playing on their own. you say there are "wonderful" nannies who engage their charges. And then there are the "lazy" nannies who have conversations with other adults. I think both are wonderful nannies. When i was a kid, even a 2 year old kid; i would never like it if my caregiver followed me around attempting to play with me. So I just don't understand the way of thinking when someone sees a nanny sitting and they assume they are bad or lazy
In my opinion it's ok for the nanny to talk to other adults and even to use her phone now and then
Part of why we bring our charges places is so they can socialze & interact with their peers.
So no a nanny doesn't always need to be in the child's "grill" and still be an awesome nanny, but the nanny should ALWAYS be paying attention to what the kid or kids in her care are doing. Making sure they are safe and not harming themselves or others.
The nanny mentioned here failed in that her kids were causing harm & she did nothing.
There is a big difference between a nanny relaxing a bit while her charges are playing and a nanny who just basically turns the other cheek and lets the charge go wild. I do not see the problem with a nanny sitting and socializing a bit, believe me, I know how isolating it can be to only be with children all day. But, the nanny that this OP is describing seems like she is just bringing the children there and letting them do whatever they please. That just isn't acceptable. Younger children especially often need adults to teach them how to interact appropriately and share with their peers. This younger child could clearly use some help in that department. In my opinion, the nanny could sit back and even use her phone or chat but always be in eyel ine and earshot of the child so that if a toy is stolen from or by the child, she can jump up and solve the problem quickly, then go and sit down. Or if the child needs help getting up on something or reaching something, she will be able to see and go over. I can't stand when I go places and I see children getting stuck or needing help and their caretakers are no where to be found. Yes, letting them socialize without being in their faces is great but the nanny (or parent) is still responsible for the child. This nanny might as well drop her charges at the door and pick them up later! Not acceptable.
yet another legitimate bad nanny sighting yet still people come to her defense..."oh, she MUST be underpaid". I used to take my daughter to appleseeds when she was a toddler. There was a bench inside the play area where the exit to the slide comes out. Every weekday, the bench was lined with nannies - they never moved (because they didn't want to lose their spot). On weekends, when it was mostly parents, the bench would be empty the entire time. There are a lot of lazy nannies that go to that place....hopefully if the staff got involved, they had enough sense to contact the parents....as you have to check in with a card when you go there so it would not have been hard at all for them to do so
I didn't see anybody defending this nanny. She sounds like a bad nanny, and a lazy one who can't be bothered to do her job. All that was said was "you get what you pay for." It is true that there are a lot of overworked, underpaid nannies out there and it stands to reason that they are probably the lazy, ignorant ones.
I agree that if the child has been beating up other children on a regular basis, his family should be banned by now. OP, why not talk to the staff about this issue? I also agree that it is perfectly acceptable for parents and nannies to sit on a bench and watch the children run and play and basically entertain themselves when they are at playgrounds or play places. As long as they can still see the children and are able to intervene for safety concerns, there's no reason for them to be hovering. Children need time away from their caregivers in order to make relationships with their peers.
And what's the big deal about staying indoors on a 60-degree day? 60 is cold to me! I might do a quick walk around the neighborhood, bundled up in jackets, but that's it. I'd hate to live in some of those states where it gets really cold.
I have to agree with Beethovens II that lately sitings are again returing to an OP bashing session. This used to happen years ago. Then MP/JD intervened and things were better for a long time. Lately there seem to be a lot of new posters and sitings are again degenerating to OP bashing/nanny excuse sessions.
I have interacted with many regulars on here who seem to be truly outstanding caregivers. I have nothing but respect for them and I value their opinions even if we do not always agree. However, the nannies who come and go, especially those who are here briefly, often worry me. Post after post you do see these people write vague excuses for bad nanny behavior, rant about not particularly relevant issues and make excuses for any behavior even slightly open to interpretation.
My approach to sitings, and I believe the stated blog agenda, is to view them as an opportunity to protect children. That has and always should be the number one goal. That means, barring a clear vendetta siting or racist/homophobic language, we should give OP the benefit of the doubt.
I have posted I believe exactly one siting on here. I have witnessed many less-than-stellar nannies. But posting is a lot of effort and observation. It is not easy to do it with the level of detail most posters include and it is not something I believe most take lightly. In this siting, for example, OP has observed this nanny *for a month*! She has cleary stated the nanny is so unaware of her charges behavior that she habitually ignores a 2yo to the point that he is getting in fights with other kids and staff needs to intervene. Nanny was even in a different room entirely from her charge. Is OP's opinion on the weather particularly important? No. However, it adds to the general picture she is trying to convey of this nanny. It is often quite difficult to capture tone, body language, and attitude in a posting.
Instead of a simple focus on the children's welfare and accolades for the level of detail and long observation period prior to posting to ensure the nanny was not having an off day or two, several responses are focused on the weather detail. They are also defending the issue of nannies socializing a bit despite OP clearly stating this nanny's level of disengagement is much worse than the other less-than-engaged nannies.
I recognize that the non sequiturs are NOT most people and NOT most regulars. But I do think sitings and the blog in general have once again been veering from its intended goal. I'd like to see it get back on track as it is such a worthwhile service/community when we all keep the true goal in mind. That doesn't mean we can't have various discussions about caregiving or that it shouldn't be a place for nannies to get support. That is all fine. I just hate to see the sitings disappear. I think there was even a recent post from a nanny saying she and other nannies are hesitant to post sitings for this exact reason so I know I am not the only one seeing this again.
NYCmom-I have lots to say to add to your post but I will keep it at a simple THANK YOU. Thank you for posting this. The blog has been absolutely getting out of hand when it comes to attacking OP's for doing just what this blog is here to do.
OP-Disregard the ignorance of some of the posters here. You've done nothing but post a bad nanny sighting which is what this site is intended for. I've posted bad sightings before and have been attacked for what I've said. It's those people that truly have nothing better to do and live on this site to nitpick others.
nycmom,
I would also like to thank you... both for an excellent post and for reiterating ISYN's purpose.
I want Readers to feel they can comment freely without worry that saying something provocative will get their posts removed... but it has been getting out of hand lately and I have to draw the line somewhere.
Any negative comments directed towards an OP, especially of Sightings, will be deleted.
You do know that mothers without a nanny also work 12 to 18 hours a day and are still expected to keep their eyes on the kids ? Moms too have to stay awake and rarely get time between house cleaning, dishes, laundry, cleanng carpets, making beds, shopping, shoveling the snow lol and on and on . SO what makes a nanny any different? If mom cannot just sit and BS with her coffe drinking buds and let the kids run rampant what makes it ok for a nanny to do so?
Almost everyone I know thinks they are overworked and underpaid and if it is too much for a person to take care of one child for 12 hours then they must find another job. If you don't make enough money for watching a kid then ask for a raise or find another job but you do not sit and BS with other people while the kids are running amok. I have never paid a nanny to ignore the kids,not now,not then and never will.
OP I would tell that woman to get off her duff and watch that child before he hurts someone or he gets hurt or you will be contacting the parents.If she gets physical call the cops.Confrontations are not pleasant but watching a kid get hurt is unpleasant too.
There is no excuse for someone to ignore a kid especially if they are getting paid to do so.
NannyPants and MPP:
Thanks for your support!
Johnny:
This is a perfect example of what NOT to say in response to a siting.
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