Wednesday

Stop the Insanity!

opinion 1
I have been a mothers helper for 3 (now 3, 5, 7) children in a little ritchie town in Essex County NJ. The mother is a stay at home mom and the father is always gone for buisness trips so far no big deal. I have been their help since March. They have 2 sitters a morning sitter and me (the afterschool/ night time sitter) The morning sitter for 6 years broke her hip in the summer so for 2 weeks I took on all the hours from the moment all three children woke up to when they go to bed (which killed me to be quiet honost cause it was from 7am-10PM) They have a cleaning service come every friday! Now before sitter AM broke her hip my job was to straighten up (dishes and laundry and sweep the kitchen floor) Now that the new morning sitter is back (she was once the PM sitter but she had a son) shes like a clean-a-holic so when I get there every day the house is spotless which we never signed a contract for but I feel like its a constant battle between us like shes always outdoing me. Granted I had a better relationship with the morning sitter when I first started working she was older and close to retirement though.

This is my first "full time" nanny position so granted I am stupid for not having a real contract with everything laid out. However my hours in the beginning were only suppose to be 245-9:00/9:30 (pick up the oldest from school and stay with all 3 until they all go to bed) and 7am on Sat to about 4pm. Since I had a great relationship with the morning sitter I am trying now to have a good relationship with MB after all she is a stay at home mom. However these last 2 weeks as i'm trying to develope a relationship hasnt been going to well. MB broke her arm so she has been on percasets and a royle bitch. I try filling her in on the little things in my life and shes now attempting to be a mother to me for example I mentioned to her I am going back to college (during the morning- it won't affect my schedual with her in any way) and she is trying to tell me what to take etc etc. To find out small things like confirming what to make the kids for dinner she doesnt pick up her phone i send her a text and she bitches at me IN TEXT cause her arm hurts. Her car is in the shop and she can't drive so she begged me to come early to drive her around and she frowned upon my car because its not as nice as hers and told me to get a nicer car or "safer" car for when I need to drive her kids in it! Thank god my fiance is being generous enough to allow me to take his for the past 2 weeks.

Another thing that has bothered me is the fact Ok her arm is fractured not technically broken but she had me stay til 7pm on Sat to wrap all of her xmas presents and yelled at me because they weren't too her liking the way I wrapped them and she couldn't keep up with which presents were from who and got stressed out and freaked on me. Thats another thing I went to starbucks because she wanted me to come in at 12 on my day off (and of course I will I need the money) and I offered to buy her an ice coffee (sent her a text- she didn't respond and didnt answer her phone) so i assumed she was busy or didn't want one. I brought mine inside and she yelled at me saying that shes generous and how DARE I bring my coffee in Her house!

Long story short I love the kids to death! S just learned to be potty trained A is learning how to read and L is a little dancer theater girl who is going to a french school they are all bright.

Mommy has the children wear pull ups to bed and other things that makes me question her way but same point i have to do her way or else i am out of a job. Most of the time she is out running errands or taking this one to one class and the other to another class. She pays 15 an hour cash and I do work between 30-40 hours a week making 500+ so it is VERY Awsome money in this economy. From another view is this too much insanity for being a nanny? I am new at this and I am curious as to weather or not this is normal?

41 comments:

BKmommy06 said...

No, this is not normal. I'm going to hold back my urge to pass judgement on MB and simply say that your current work situation is not the norm and its your choice to stay in the situation if you think the money is worth the insanity.

Jedd Meir said...
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anon nanny said...

Come on guys, be nice. What if English isn't her first language.

Feel bad yet?

StrawberryShortKakes said...

In my opinion, you seem very stressed by all this. I think the main problem here is that there are no boundaries. I am not too clear on the whole morning babysitter/ evening babysitter thing (kinda got confusing there) but maybe you can talk to the other babysitter and see if she is having these sorts of problems. If she is, then together as a team maybe you might want to approach MB with these issues. I don't think this job is beyond repair. You like the kids, it's just the mom who is a nutcase. My advice would be to make sure that the schedule is clear to all parties. Honestly, if she wanted you to come in on your day off (and you want to work) would you feel comfortable asking her for more money on those days? That would prevent her from calling and begging you to come in early or stay late, unless she really needed you.

As far as the coffee and stuff, don't make a big deal out of that but maybe ask her to pay more attention to her phone. Tell her (kindly) that you thought of her and called to ask if she wanted a coffee but she didn't answer. How can that be your fault?

About the car thing... wow she is snotty! If she doesn't approve of your car, she can buy you a new, "safer" one :)

Jedd Meir said...
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ELam said...

Yikes, the grammar in this post did make it hard for my brain to process haha..but all that aside, this MB sounds obnoxious. You only have Sundays off? This woman has childcare from the moment they wake up to the moment they go to sleep? Sounds like somebody doesn't want to raise her own children.

She must be doing something right if she has had the same nanny for 6 years+ though. If she is truly "yelling" at you as you say, then in my opinion that is abusive and no one should have to work in that environment.

You say you need the money, are happy with the amount you are making, and you love the kids. If the pros outweigh the cons then you need to find a way to make the relationship with your MB work, but if she is too crazy to manage (especially being a mother's helper...yuck, been there), then start looking elsewhere.

MissDee said...

A few things:

3 kids under the age of 7 in bed at 10p? Even a 3 year old? Try 8p for a 3 year old and 830p for the older two.

Care from 7a-10p? WTF? Take care of YOUR children. The nannies DID NOT give birth to them.

Yelling at your nanny about her car and coffee? If her car doesn't meet your "standards", because you are too embarrassed to be seen in it, perhaps you can buy your nanny a car that meets your standards. I am sure your nanny would appreciate it.

Did MB fracture her arm getting her nails done, going to the gym, or shopping? lol She sounds like a royal bitch.

Next time she asks you to come in on your day off or stay late, politely tell her that you can't do so because you have plans. If she has a problem, I wouldn't care if I were you. I am sure you can find a wonderful job with a family who appreciates you!

This woman reminds me of a parent we have at childcare-she is a SAHM, with 3 NANNIES. Yes, I said 3nannies. Her 4 year old is in PM 4K, attending wrap-around care in the afternoon. Sometimes Mom picks her up, other times the nanny picks her up, only Mom never remembers which one. She thinks the world revolves around her: she enrolled her youngest child for afternoon care and would ask the teachers in the classroom every day "who are you?". How can one be so shallow as to not know who their child's teachers are?

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Gee OP this is a tough call. On one hand, you are dealing with a royal bitch as your boss and have a lot of stress to deal with. On the other hand, you are making $15/Hr tax-free and your hours are enough to live off of. Hmmm....

In this tough tough economy, well-paying nanny jobs are very far and few between. You are making good money and you don't have to pay taxes on it so in the end you make more than many other nannies. I would stick with the job, try to get along with MB and if things get really out of hand and you just can't take it anymore, I would have another job lined up (or enough savings in the bank for a few months), and leave this crazy woman. However if you think it is worth the $$ you are making, you can just try to stick it out.

Best of luck to you. For your sake, I hope things work out in your favor. :)

StrawberryShortKakes said...

MissDee, people like that woman you are describing should not have children! Why have children if you are going to pawn them off on nannies 24/7 and drop them off at day care all the time?? I am totally all for nannies and daycare if the MB actually has to work or needs extra help due to multiple children, health issues, etc but there is no reason to have a nanny if you are home all day doing nothing!

Phoenix said...

I'm having deja-vu. Either this same story was posted before or she had another nanny that she screamed at for bringing coffee itno her house.

MissMannah said...

Um, am I the only one who noticed this nanny is not paying taxes? Two Cents more or less thinks it is great she's not because that means she's bringing in lots of money. OP, I sure hope you are planning to pay your share of the taxes in January (with a 1099) or else you are cheating. And that is going to be A LOT of money--I know I wouldn't be able to afford it all at once.

Maybe I'm just too moral for my own good and I expect everyone else to be as well.

Jedd Meir said...
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Nanny Sarah said...

Miss Mannah...where in the world did it say that "Two Cents" thought it was great this nanny was not paying taxes? Also, a 1099 does not apply to nannies. A w4 does. You are sadly misinformed.

MissMannah said...

In her post, she said that OP was making good money, better than most nannies and not having to pay taxes. She presented this as if it was a good thing, or at least that is how I interpreted it. I would love for her to refute that because she never seemed to have that sort of attitude before today.

You're right, a 1099 *shouldn't* apply to nannies but in some situations it is better than nothing. (BTW you are thinking of the W2 tax form, not W4.) A 1099 is for independent contractors, which we are not, though some parents will beg to differ and will not hire a nanny unless she chooses to go this route. I unfortunately was forced to do that this year for a few months because I would rather work as an "independent contractor" than not work at all. And next month, I am going to remind my former boss that he needs to give me a 1099 with all my wages listed on it and I will pay my own taxes...just like I hope the OP plans to do.

Jedd, I agree with you but as I've been bitched at way too many times for my Grammar Nazi ways, I've learned to try to ignore atrocious spelling. Though it took me quite some time to figure out what a "ritchie town" was.

Phoenix said...

I will over look the spelling but some people don't even use punctuation. Like their entire post is one big long line of speaking like they are text messaging and they dont understand what is means to capatalize or end a sentence in the correct place i am trying to write like that and i can hardly stop myself from putting a period at the end of sentence because it is second nature to me, can anyone else read this and tell me what the heck i am saying, the internet is filled with blogers like this, i dont get it

Jedd Meir said...
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MissMannah said...

Jedd, I'm beginning to think you and I are the same person. You almost always say exactly what I am thinking and I completely agree with you about the spelling and grammar.

Ordinarily, I am completely "old-school" as well when it comes to correcting other's writing, and speech for that matter. My husband will tell you that I annoy him to no end. In fact, I'm convinced that he received a sub-par education because I had to explain to him the difference between an adjective and an adverb or the difference between plural and possessive. Not that he cared, or wanted to know the differences, but he had no choice in the matter.

StrawberryShortKakes said...

I am not talking about this post in particular and I don't mean to bash the OP but... my favorite is the constant misuse of your/you're, their/there/they're and it's/its. Come on people, it's not that difficult.

Jedd Meir said...
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Darcy said...

I read JMTCJNS's advice and it didn't seem like she was condoning or condemning not paying taxes at all. She simply was stating factually that OP was not paying taxes, but she didn't seem to say it was a great thing.

I live in CA and I have to not only do an employment verification form, I also do a w-4 for my employers who deduct all of my taxes for me via a payroll service. My sister is a maid and she does a 1099 form. Man it can be so confusing....

Phoenix said...

@ MissMannah

that is too funny about your husband. Mine is the same way! he even stopped writing out the grocery list because if he even mispelled one word I would make fun of him. That isn't very nice but really one shouldn't use an (') when stating they should pick up apples. I have to explain that (') is an indication of ownership. "So honey what do these apples of yours own?" or "hun, what is a spegate noodle?"

I don't know if he does that because he's stoned or only completed up to freshman year of highschool. He's way better now but when I first met him. I was shocked.

MissMannah said...

Yes--someone who gets it! I don't know why everyone feels they need to put an apostrophe every time they add an S to a word! It has been driving me crazy because I have been getting Christmas cards from "The Taylor's", etc. I want to call them up and ask if the card specifically belongs to one of them.

At least your husband can use not finishing high school as his excuse. Mine is in college and I always insist on editing his essays. He says it is unnecessary because all the kids in his classes rite lyk dis. I'm hoping it isn't that bad or I worry about the future of our country.

Phoenix said...

You should worry about the future. LOL. Most kids now use text language in their essays. I read an article about how frustrated the teachers are because kids keep putting LOL in their papers.

Marypoppin'pills said...

MissMannah,

It is that bad.

My son has friends that do the same thing. I told him I don't care how cool those kids think they are, he knows better than to slaughter the English language.

You'd think all the new technology would be a bounty for their brain, but for some of these kids, it is ruining them.

I blame it on laziness.

Jedd Meir said...
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Jedd Meir said...
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StrawberryShortKakes said...

There is a clear difference between a simple spelling/grammar/tense mistake and then a post that is littered with those mistakes.

NannyK said...

My husband says things like "boughten" (conjugated 'bought') and wrote on my Christmas present "from a husban who trys". Also he wrote frajile on our moving boxes. He says deers too and it drives me insane.... But I love him anyway. Just can't believe that as a person who initially majored in English before transferring to Early Childhood Ed that I married a guy who spells things wrong even with spell check on.

The Sausage King said...

She probably needs a very skilled servicing. I suggest a gentleman from Guatemala. They aren't too large, but have good rhythm.

nc said...

Anyone else catch that the mom is having her 7 year old wear a pull up to bed?? From what the OP said, it sounds like the child doesn't need it...

MissMannah said...

K, mine makes up words like "boughten" too. Last night after Christmas dinner at my parents' house we were all sitting around playing silly games and one person said "List as many words you can think of that need to be in the dictionary but aren't." (OK, we're all nerds.) My sister said "That should be no problem for [husband]!"

slb3334 said...

Hey guys, how about staying on topic. I agree spelling and grammar are important but this person is asking for advice, not for you to go off in another direction with your pet peeves.

Uninterested said...

And so, Shannon, your advice to OP is...?

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

I agree SLB.

ericsmom said...

NC I think people on here are more interested in bashing the OP.

Could that be one reason there hasn't been any news posts on here?????

Uninterested said...

Or, could the "reason there hasn't been any news posts on here" be due to the Christmas holiday? I vote yes.

ericsmom said...

Uninterested you have a point. Okay I didn't see I wrote "news" instead of "new", wow!

Kara said...

Wow... when I saw 37 comments on this post I was really hoping to see some good advice for the OP. It was extremely disappointing to click the link and see a bunch of bored women bash the OP.

The OP's use of x-mas, clean-a-holic, and the other words does not mean that the OP's first language is English, Jedd. My girlfriend is originally from Spain and she has picked up words/phrases like those as well.

I suggest you folks spend less time focusing on grammar and spend a little bit more time having some compassion for others.

Jedd Meir said...
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Gwyn said...

Nanny,

Your employer sounds like she has a personality disorder and psychiatric problems. It's never fun to work for someone like that. It sounds dangerous. Then again, when you work that closely with people who are unstable, it is dangerous.

Study hard and get a better job someday.

MissMannah said...

Gwyn,

Your comment was horribly ignorant and offensive. Being an uptight bitch does not mean someone has psychiatric problems. It is attitudes like yours that has caused the pharmaceutical industry in this country to get entirely out of control. People have the slightest personality flaws and pressure their doctors to prescribe medications to "fix" them. It is absolutely ridiculous. As someone who is far too familiar with psychiatric problems, I did not see any evidence that OP's boss has any real problems. The only problems I saw were personality conflicts and every nanny has to deal with those at some point.

Kara, you're right, we were bored...still are. But you'll notice that OP didn't bother to come back so it didn't matter anyway. And Jedd is totally right, it is obvious that OP is just a lazy American because most non-English speakers take great pains to type as correctly as possible, and they will often apologize for any mistakes made. I made a good 15-20 spelling mistakes in this post alone but you'd never know it because I ALWAYS proofread before posting, something OP couldn't be bothered to do and so she left herself open to ridicule.