Monday

How Parents are the Envy of Their Peers...

RANT Dear mb and db,
It must be wonderful to be the envy of your peers. To be known has super parents, to be prominent in your fields all the while raising three children. How do you do it? I know exactly how you do it. Me.

I work 11 hour days. I go against most of the contractual agreements we have to insure your happiness. I wake, feed, and bathe your kids while you sleep in. When and if you go to work on that day i keep your house spotless so that nobody can see children live here. I stay at your home all day with your kids and your parents since i am not allowed to leave the apartment and i am always on high alert because if you do come home the kids can not know and must be kept silent so we do not disturb you.

When i get up the nerve to ask you for a holiday that is not Christmas off you rub it in my face that you need rest and that you let me call in sick. I worked on my birthday, actually i worked late that day. You acted like it was completely wrong of me to expect to leave at a normal time much like how you act towards holidays. And on the nicest day in a long time i stay late with both of your parents.

So, the next time someone asks how you do it...

Love Nanny p


31 comments:

TC said...

Well I was in your shoes a couple of days ago, pissed at my bosses because they did similar stuff but then when you find out why it puts everything in perspective. I'm sure why my bosses acted the way they did is not the same reason yours do but there very well could be more that you don't know about. The crap with my family has been going on for 2yrs and I overlooked ALL the red flags

Anonymous said...

i was hoping this wouldn't get posted! i sent it and instantly regretted it...

Marypoppin'pills said...

Do you want me to remove it?

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

I personally like to read this type of stuff Anon. Pretty much all of us nannies have been in your shoes at one time or another. These posts provide comfort and support to other nannies who may feel alone in their situations. To know that another nanny is dealing with the same stuff makes me feel much better. Plus, when you rant for yourself, you rant for the rest of us as well.

Grow A Backbone said...

I go against most of the contractual agreements we have

Yet another Nanny CHOOSING to be a doormat and then whining about it. Why bother with a contract if you will just "go against most of it" anyway?

Kat said...

Hey there,
We're all entitled to a moment when we feel we just need to rant--no matter who we work for, or how wonderful or lousy our jobs are. Glad you felt comfortable enough to do that here. Getting it off your chest should help you feel a little bit better, hopefully. ((((((HUGS!))))

Kat said...

To "Grow a backbone...",
You may, or may not, have a valid point--but it didn't have to be said quite so harshly.

ugh said...

I would love to know what these parents do for a living that they can afford a FT nanny to raise 3 kids. It sounds like they sleep in a lot and rarely go to work and yet they are prominent in their careers.

Honestly, I don't know why you don't pursue whatever it is that they do. But I have to say that most people in the business world don't take their birthday off.

Black Orchid said...

ugh said "But I have to say that most people in the business world don't take their birthday off."

Ahh, but most people in the business world aren't expected to work late (for no real reason) on their birthday. I believe the reason OP was upset about the birthday thing is that she had to work late. It shows that she is not cared for or respected by her bosses.

In The Same Boat As You OP said...

I love being a nanny, but it is situations like the above that sometimes make me want to re-consider. Why do parents,time and time again...treat the ONE person who loves and cares for their most precious family member, like a piece of dirt?? I am with a wonderful family now who respects me enough to not overwork me or underpay me. They treat me like a person (which I am...surprise, surprise!!) and take my feelings into consideration all the time. In doing this,their child is taken care of by someone who is content in her job and who gives her all every day. It's a win-win situation for all involved. The parents are secure knowing their child is in the hands of someone who is well-rested, happy w/her pay and competent. I have had many past jobs where the parents do what OP's bosses are doing. I usually leave those jobs as soon as I realize what they are up to (usually shows within a few weeks at most.) The sad part is that their children get so used to me and love me, then I am gone w/no explanation or good-bye. The parents try to pin guilt on me, but it is really their own fault.

op said...

Op here... I have worked on my bday but never before had i been required go cancel my dinner plans on that day because of work.
I am craving another job... I see happy nannies everywhere i go and im jealous.
This job is hard... Im rarely am able to discipline without getting in trouble for it... They play favorites with their kids...i spend more time cleaning then anything... Mb frequently questions my marriage to someone who "lets" me work...not allowed to leave the home...etc
This is my second Nanny job in two years i left the last one because of the same reasons so now i worry that a family will find me unreliable and not hire me im stuck

Professional Nanny said...

Why do parents,time and time again...treat the ONE person who loves and cares for their most precious family member, like a piece of dirt??

They only do it to the nannies who permit it. Professional nannies do not permit it.

op said...

Professional Nanny you just made me want to quit and find another job where i lay down the law and my expectations had i had the guts i would have made numerous amendments to my contract because im worth it once stress from baby number 4 blows over she is due middle of June

Professional Nanny said...

OP, I think that is a good idea, I encourage you to seriously consider it. You have time to prepare for it (and solid preparation will help you succeed if/when you do make the move). If you'd like, I could offer some guidelines.

MissMannah said...

A lot of stuff you mentioned was really pissing me off about these people but this:

"Mb frequently questions my marriage to someone who "lets" me work"

really takes the cake. If someone said crap like that to me, I'd be tempted to walk out of their house and never look back. That just seems to be crossing the line.

Do you really think MB is just stressed because she's pregnant again and everything will blow over once the baby's born? I seriously doubt it, if anything I think things will get worse for you. Start looking around now, and you have got to "grow a backbone" as a PP said. Start fresh with a new job and don't let them treat you like crap from the get-go. Know your own worth.

Nanny in Mass said...

No one can take advantage of you without your consent.

Britney said...

I agree that a nanny can only be taken advantage of with her consent, however when a nanny states on this blog that she is fed up with being treated like dirt and walks off the job, she is attacked for being unprofessional for giving no notice. No one can win on here.

OP, you should not be doing housework unless you are also a housekeeper for this family. If you are also a housekeeper, you should be paid accordingly.

sharon said...

i agree with britney, there is too much attacking the op's character on here

having the courage to go on a blog is part of her process of solving her situation

we are behind you OP!!

op said...

Thanks! Ok so i have threatened to leave in the past than i retracted it and they got mad. How do i let them know this time is serious? And do i wait.until the.baby.comes? How Do i deal with the bad reference she is sure to give? I've been told my only downfall with them is im a terrible housekeeper.

Happy mom said...

Well OP tell them I wasn't hired to be your housekeeper. I was hired to be your NANNY!! And I do a fantastic job of it!!

I feel for you. I worked for some rotten parents. One family I could never "win". It was always something I did wrong. Twice I did get in a verbal confrontation with them. You should have seen how many times they tried calling my cellphone that nite when I was driving home. To apologize. All of the apologies in the world wouldn't cut it. Then I found a job in a totally different field and loved it!!
Now I am a full time mom and can't be happier. I work one day a week caring for a three year old. And I am allowed to bring my son when he is out of school. Then I work for another family Saturday nites that treat me with respect.

Good luck to you!!

Vanessa said...

"Ahh, but most people in the business world aren't expected to work late (for no real reason) on their birthday."

Oh honey... you're so wrong. Many people are not only expected to work late at any given time, they're also expected to work weekends and sometimes even holidays. Many people I know in the business world work over 60 hours per week, not because it's required or because of a project. Just because their bosses need help with things here and there (things they obviously don't want to do themselves). Many of them have worked birthdays, holidays, Sundays, etc. They had to. Thing is, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. If you don't want to do it, then quit.

Vanessa said...

OP,

Why would you threaten to leave and then take it back? No wonder they don't take you seriously. You should not threaten to leave until you're absolutely sure about it. Also, yeah, grow a backbone. If they refuse to respect you even after you clear things up, I suggest you look for another job.

op said...

Well now the issue is that i can't even do my job because everything i do the grandpa tells me not to mostly in the discipline dept. Like u am literally not allowed to make a single decision wheterbit be a snack for the kids or ggiving A time out.... Example yesterday four year old hit three year old quite hard i saw it and talked to 4 and put her in time out grandpa tells me that 3probably slammed her hand in the door and that is why she was crying i was then required to apologize to 4 for the time out TRUE STORY!!!!!
ten minutes ago i scolded a child for screaming in my ear u then got in trouble for it by gpa. All if this scolding of.me happens in front of the kids so its no surprise that they don't listen to me.
Ahhh y even be here?

op said...

Sorry typing obey a droid lots of typos know proper English believe it or not lol

op said...

Well I did it! One of my nanny friends who has been a nanny for thirty plus years recommend i take a month off...but anyways yeah I did it...didn't do it harshly didn't say anything that Lord knows I could have said. But I'm just thrilled I had the nerve to do it... thanks for the help ladies...I also owe a lot to some nanny mentors i have locally! :) happy but nervous about my final week cuz db did call me some names...tension

MissMannah said...

Oh honey, I hope you have a job lined up real fast because you might show up to work tomorrow and find out they've miraculously found a replacement already.

I'm glad you stood up to them, but don't bother putting them down as a reference on your resume. If you worked for them for a length of time, I'd go ahead and put down that you were a nanny for X amount of children but that for personal reasons between you and the parents, you cannot give out their contact information. If the job was less than 3 months, I'd go ahead and just leave it off the resume.

The fact that you were scolded by the grandpa right in front of the kids is why I will NEVER work for a SAH or WAH parent. I hate feeling like someone is looking over my shoulder and judging me the whole time.

When you start interviewing again, you need to be upfront with your expectations. ie: what chores you are and aren't willing to do, hours and days you'll work and whether you'll come in on days off or not, just stuff like that. If you write every little detail into the contract from the beginning, there's no room for confusion and negotiation a month down the line.

Good luck and keep us updated!

op said...

I was there a year hoping it would get.better but like any bad relationship...
And good idea about saying i can't give out names because of personal reasons. They worry about getting robbed because of their jobs so i can throw that in.
And we can live off my husbands income for a bit but i started applying today.

Alyssa said...

I agree with Miss Mannah that you should not work for anyone where another adult is in the home with you. They will be listening to every word you say, watching every action you make and they will always have to contribute their two cents all day long. These situations are recipes for disaster in my book. I have gone through many of these types of jobs and they are the worst!!

Also you are the child's NANNY which is a huge job in itself with enormous responsibility. I am so tired of parents who assume just because you are in the home and the child is asleep, you are to do the dishes or mop the floors. I even had one mother ask me to run to the store for a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread!! Such nerve. I know once I agree to emptying out a dishwasher or mopping the kitchen floor, I am definitely opening up Pandora's box. So I state upfront that I only do babysitting/childcare and no housework. Many families respect that and understand that I am not a maid at all. Those that don't suck and I wouldn't want to work for them. Let them take their own whiny toddler to the supermarket for a gallon of milk.

op said...

I think a Nanny should.clean up after herself and the kids but that's it.
Oh quick question my contract states how much notice i should give...if they don't have another Nanny by then what do i do? The Mb will be giving birth.during this time so yeah what do i do?

nycmom said...

Are you certain you want to leave or do you want to try to improve things?

If the former, give notice immediately. You are certainly not obligated to stay beyond the notice period, but if things improve and you feel kindly, you can choose to do so. But make sure it is your choice and you don't get pushed into it. You never know, you might not have a new job by then and staying a few extra weeks will be good for you also.

Bottomline: Know what YOU want and set about putting that into action fairly and directly. Then you are in the driver's seat and can choose to be flexible if it also benefits you, or not. You really don't owe these employers anything beyond the contract (and not even that really since it has already been violated). If they really want you to stay beyond a certain time, they will offer a financial incentive or bonus to stay until X date.

If my nanny told me she was leaving for reasons related to a poor job fit (a nice way of saying it!), and I had a specific reason I wanted her to stay an extra 4-8 weeks, I would make it worth her while.

ATL Nanny said...

I don't think you need to do anything to make them know you are serious. Quit when the time is right for YOU. If you need the income, make sure you find another job first. If you don't, decide exactly when you want to leave. I would not take into account when it will be best for them (after the baby, etc). Would they do that for you? If they no longer needed you effective today, would they keep you on for two months because the timing is better for you? Of course not.

Find a job. Give your two weeks notice. On week three, don't show up. If they don't believe you that you are really quitting, that is their problem.

I'm NOT advocating that you be rude to them or quit without notice or anything like that. I'm just encouraging you to stop thinking about their feelings and what is best for their family. Do what is right for YOU. Period.