Thursday

Breaking Boundaries...

opinion 2 Hi! I would love some advice.. I am a nanny who takes care of the sweetest girls and I just love them. I have been taking care of them for about a year and a half. The family has been wonderful and I am very fortunate. They pay me above the going rate, on the books.. do a salary, holidays and vacation. The first year that I nannied, they were a dream.. however, I did not get a raise @ the 1 year mark.

In the meantime, I was on a state funded health plan that with all the budget cuts has been eliminated.. my medical coverage went from 36 a month to 435. I was very honest with the family and asked them for either a raise or some help with medical coverage. I was hoping for around 200 more a month total.. that's about half the insurance. I have looked for cheaper insurance but have not found a plan that offers any type of coverage that compares.

The mom said that she would talk to the husband and think it through, then a week later said she had not forgotten to get back to me, she still was thinking. This was in January. Also, I know the economy is not hurting them. Their company is expanding all over the place and they just opened a 2nd business. They drive fancy cars, have a million dollar home and a private jet.

In the meantime, I started paying the premium myself and also am working for a family on the weekends. This other family, family x is awful. A nanny nightmare. I took it because I felt like I just needed to make some extra money.. family x sees nannies as replaceable, treat them terribly and has 24 hour childcare.. the parents expect the nanny to walk their 2 dogs, prepare elaborate meals for the mom and dad, not the kids.. clean, do laundry, get them beverages, etc. I am always out hours late there and am so unhappy. Its also a 45 minute commute for me. I want to leave badly, but need the money. I do love their very sweet babies and dogs though so I try and make the best of it and at least do right by their children.

Also in the last few months with my first family that I had asked for insurance help, I really started trying to go above and beyond.. coming in early, staying late, doing extra house stuff.. and now feel like not only do I not have insurance I now have no boundaries and that these extra things are expected, not appreciated. They are always nice to me and I adore their kids.. I am just resentful that they never got back to me about the insurance and would like some suggestions on how to take back my boundaries. Any thoughts?


16 comments:

Dr. Juris said...

Easy solution: talk to the parents! They can't read your mind, probably forgot (because, honestly, it's not as important to them as it is to you), and it's your job to remind them.

Tales from the (Nanny)Hood said...

You need to ask for a meeting with the parents so you can present the issue(s) to them, present your ideas on how to resolve those issues, and then work with them to come up with a solution that helps you and makes them feel good as well.

I would frame the discussion as a salary review situation, point out what you have done for them in the last year+ and your accomplishments, bring out your original work agreement and see what you have done above and beyond that you want to keep doing...

You know the drill! All you have to do is get the ball rolling.

not gonna happen said...

Here's news: you're not gonna get what you want.

AMom said...

^^Wow, that's just mean

Anonymous said...

You lost me at private jet. Yeah right.

Phoenix said...

hate to say it girl but your health insurance is not anyone's problem but YOURS. Guess what. The insurance went up at my company too. I work for a fortune 55 company and we make 65 billion in profit a year and over half our employees can't afford their healthcare anymore. So they go without. It is scary but you have no choice and if I was your employer and you were asking me to help pay for your health insurance I would probably fire you. How dare you ask someone to do something like, even if you feel they have money to spare. You are very rude and inconsiderate.

Phoenix said...

*** fortune 500 company*** LOL. sorry I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Forgive me

Dr. Juris said...

Well thank God you aren't her employer, Phoenix. While I think it's ultimately her responsibility, she certainly shouldn't be FIRED for asking about it. Asking about it and expecting it are two completely different things, and you seem pretty bitchy in your assessment of her personal characteristics.

Phoenix said...

yup. I even told you I was bitchy today. running on two hours of sleep. she is a brat thought that much I know

Reese said...

OP what you just wrote is a perfect illustration of the state of healthcare in our country. Too bad this is not Canada or Europe where healthcare is a right, not simply a privilege. I am not trying to get political here, but this is a very sad situation here. We have a hard-working woman who must work an awful side job just so she can afford to pay someone should she fall ill...this shouldn't be the case in the United States of America. Period. Okay....I will hop off my soapbox now. LOL.

OP, maybe the family is not responding in the hope that you will simply forget about it. Fat chance, huh?? I think you should bring it up again and say you need an answer real soon since it is vital that you have health insurance if God Forbid, you should fall ill and be uninsured. I will keep my finger's crossed that they give you what you want. The fact that they have all those luxuries demonstrates to me that they can well afford it. If they decline your request, you can either stay w/them and continue working your weekend job, or look for an entirely new family who will either pay you more, or provide you w/a health care plan. Good Luck and keep us posted on what happens.

I agree that once a Nanny begins doing things not specifically required of her, her acts become more mandated and are not appreciated anymore. This is a very sad part of being a Nanny. How hard is it for any parent to thank a hard-working Nanny for going above and beyond her duties????

another nanny said...

OP- I agree with Reese that you need to just bring it up with them again. Although they might not have entirely forgotten, the time may just have gotten away from them.
$200 per month sounds reasonable...did you give them that number when you asked about it? If you are able, I might email them as a "follow up" and outline what you hope to receive, so they have an understanding of your expectations as well. You could also lay out an optimal time frame to have the issue settled...Like, could we schedule a time to discuss this within the next two weeks? Just remember this is a business negotiation, and try to treat it that way (I know it's difficult because of the personal relationship we tend to have with our employers in the nanny field)

talesfromthe(nanny)hood said...

I know I posted (a much longer discussion) about this Saturday, but it's gone missing, so here's the short version:

Ask for a performance review. Prep by going back to the original contract and delineating what you do above and beyond. You are going to sell yourself to your employers all over again in hopes of getting a raise. Get your bullet points prepared and decide what you want, how much leeway you have for compromise, and where you are willing to keep doing extra work.

WRT health care, google "small business tax breaks for health insurance", or contact a nanny tax specialist for more info on the new laws that allow nanny employers to deduct their contributions to an employee's health insurance costs from their (employers) taxes.

Good luck!

HATESinsurance! said...

I don't know why people get so obsessive about health insurance. If you can't afford it, drop it or change to a plan that will cover you in the event of major surgery or whatever and just pay the other visits out of pocket. I am 37 and can count on one hand the number of years I've had insurance in my adult life. Seriously, it's cheaper for me to pay to see a doctor once a year when I have bronchitis than to throw away money every month on insurance I hope I never have to use and is frankly is too expensive to use anyway. My last family offered to pay 50% insurance but it was still too expensive for me...I could get coverage for about $120/mo (so $60 my half, the max I was willing to waste) and then it still had a $5000 deductible, co-pays, and once the deductible was met only covered 70%. Total waste. I just didn't have enough money left at the end of the month to justify spending $60 on something I couldn't afford to use if I needed to.So anyway I just don't in general see what people are so hung up on spending hundreds of dollars a month on insurance unless they have a medical condition that makes it pencil out in the end. I'd rather put that money in an HSA account.

OP here said...

Thanks for the advice..I next week plan on sitting down with MB and revisiting insurance..I will for sure post an update

Hates Insurance.. I do too! My plan is 435 a month but it has only a 250 deductible and that's for surgeries and major things..its a 10 copay. I would never spend hundreds of dollars a month if I had a high deductible. I can see your point though.

Tales from the (Nanny)Hood said...

Yes, because not having any insurance, or having only major medical is a great idea, especuially when you wind up with a medical condition that makes you UNINSURABLE when you desperately need insurance to cover meds and treatment.

I pay for my own insurance. Yes, it's expensive, but the alternative is going without, and that's a huge risk. I am completely against the idea of Obamacare, because I think it'll make a messy healthcare situation 1000% worse. Plus, I resent the idea that even more of my tax dollars will go to insure people who could suck it up and pay their own way. (Note I am not speaking of the actual working poor, or of children whose parents cannot afford to insure them.)

Insurance should be a personal responsibility, not a goivernment mandate. If the gov't got out of the way, health insurance companies would be forced to compete for our dollars, and costs would go down - simple economics.

OP here said...

Phoenix-i really do not appreciate you calling me rude, inconsiderate, a brat. I am not!! I am a nanny who works hard..many of the nannies that I know are given money toward their healthcare so I don't think its unreasonable at all.

I am sorry if you are tired but really..