Nanny Share is Causing a Bit of Contention

opinion 1 I've been working full time for two families in a nanny share for a little over a year. My charges are two fabulous 1 1/2 year old boys. This is my first share so I knew little of what to expect.

In the interviews both families (who have been friends for years) where great and stressed that they were looking for a nanny who is "an extension of the family". I know this is highly controversial in our world but as someone in a new area with few friends and no family, I too, was looking for that "family".

There were some red flags in the beginning. Family A was uncomfortable with me taking their son on walks in the double stroller until he was six months old. I got sick and was out for two days, got a Dr's note saying I was fine to go back to work, Family A disagreed and made me take a third sick day. We had a huge snow storm, most places were closed for a week. Family B was staying home and didn't need me at all that week. I treaded to work each day I could in the snow for Family A, sometimes hours late because of the conditions. For two days, heading to work was impossible, as every road in the city had been shut down. In the end, Family A expected me to make up 27 hours of missed time. I made up more than half of it on top of my ten hour days, then I protested, it just didn't seem fair to still be making up so much time months after the storm had passed. This is not even half of what I've endured with this family. Everything about them is cold and unemotional- everything that I am not.

Family B is the family most nannies dream of working for. They are truly amazing. We make such a great team. They trust my judgement and make me feel appreciated. The days that I was out sick, my husband was away on business. They came over and brought me a care package! I got invited to their son's birthday party (not so for Family A). They've invited me to vacation with them. They've even offered up their grocery list for me to jot down things I'd like. Their friends are great and always joke that they want me to come nanny for their children. They are just all around great people.

Let it be known that I bust my butt for both families and go above and beyond, they all agree. Obviously, Family B is the perfect fit and I'm realizing that I just want to work for them. Family A is not horrible, they just aren't who they presented in the interview (who is, right?). It's becoming clear that the two familes are even realizing how different they are and it's causing a bit of contention.

I need some advice from your savvy readers. I can't just quit one family right? I know the whole money factor comes into play, as well. I'd take a pay cut to work just for Family B. Or should I remain unhappy to avoid a sticky situation? What are my options in this situation? Thanks.


TC said...

Because they are friends you are going to have problems, I don't see you being able to just work for one without upsetting the other family and possibly causing a rift between the friends.

I think your best bet is to find another family all together. I just don't see things working out like you want them to.

A nanny who cares said...

I had this same situation happen to me. I ended up telling the first family it just wasn't working out and staying on with the second family. It's been 5 months now and I am still very happy with my decision! The second family ended up confiding that they weren't as good of friends with the first family as I thought and were ready for the transition as well. It was awkward when I saw the other mom at the park, but ultimately it was for the best because the mom realized she wanted to stay home with her children.

I would approach the subject with Family B, if you really are as close as you say of course. If they don't seem receptive to it, your going to have to decide whether you can work with both families or just move on.

Good luck! I hope everything works out for you.

Village said...

I think you need to be honest with Family B. Tell them Family A is not a good fit, and you are giving your notice. Then tell them you will be looking for another family. I think between the families that have already expressed interest in you, and families that Family B could suggest, you should make a smooth transition. Life is too short to be miserable working for the wrong family for you.

I really like the idea of a trial period. And I don't mean a day for a week. It takes a while to tell if nanny and family styles match. I like the one, two or even three month trial period where if one side is not happy, they can walk, no questions asked.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

First how good of friends are Family A and Family B? Because if they are really close friends, then this may be a very dicey situation since there will be an extreme conflict of interests here. If I were you, I would talk very diplomatically to Family B and tell them you love working for them, but that you do not feel that Family A is a good match for you. Do not say anything negative behind Family A's back, just keep it short and simple. See what Family B says. Perhaps they will suggest something. Anyways, if they understand your side, then I would tell Family A that it is not working out and that you feel it would be best for both sides if you moved on. Wish them luck and give proper notice. In doing this, there is a chance that you may lose Family B as well as Family A may convince that they all should just find a new nanny that can work with both families. That is a risk you will be taking. Ideally, it would be wonderful if Family A found another family to NannyShare with and Family B did as well. If you do stay with Family B and work only for them, you may take a huge pay cut. That is why people do NannyShares...they want the luxury of a Nanny, without the expense. Most of these families could only afford a daycare unless they did a NannyShare.
If you are willing to take a pay cut, it may be much less than what a typical Nanny makes in your area. If that is okay, then I hope things work out for you OP.
Good Luck in the future and please let us know how things turned out for you dear.

Shelley (yup that's my real name guys!!)... said...

JMTCJNS: I always love to hear what you have to say. Sometimes I do not agree with it, but your advice is pretty realistic and makes sense to me most of the time such as now.
OP, I could not have said it better myself.
A side note: you might ask Family B if you can babysit in your house since you will be working for much less without Family A.

Bostonnanny said...

I work in a nannyshare but I made sure that the families didn't know eachother for that reason alone. I created a separate contract with each family and treat them more like a daycare would. I would start looking around for other job options and then tell the family you like that it's not working out with the other family. Be honest but professional, just tell them that the chemistry isn't there and they have broken your contract but you would like to continue working for them and would be willing to help find another family.
I would also try speaking to the family you dislike after you speak to your favorite. Tell them that you are willing to continue working only if some changes can be made. If they get upset quit on the spot and just move on.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

MonkeyShines...uh-oh..please don't start knocking Asians again....

Nosy Nanny..LOL... said...

So OP...what happened???????????????????