Friday

Nanny Feels Like Giving Parents the Bird Over Thanksgiving Dinner

Received Friday, December 3, 2010
Opinion 4 Dear nannies, I need some advice! I believe I have a bad POST Thanksgiving-$$-experience. Nice parents going cheap on my dinner money and making me work for free!!! I work for this really nice family for about 2 yrs. I have a very nice, friendly, respectful relationship with the parents.

I had always worked PT. I am a college student. I'm currently working one full day (on a Thursday) and 2 other afternoons. The parents had told me that they were giving me off 2 consecutive Thursdays and they were paid. The first Thurs was a week before thanksgiving (they were out of town), and the second Thurs which happened to be thanksgiving day. However, they asked if i was available for a date night during thanksgiving holiday weekend. After the mother saying that it would be paid I said yes. I ended up babysitting a friday night (Nov 26th) from 9pm to 1am. They always leave $20 for dinner delivery, but there were times when i never ordered food because A) I dont really eat past 8pm, B) when really hungry, I'm done feeding/bathing/reading the child 10:30pm. When parents return, they always ask whether i ordered food or not. I always tell the truth whether yes, or no. That night, I only had some ice-cream (they don't have dinner food in the fridge. If i didn't order dinner, I leave the money on the table, however, i wish i could take it with me for next days food after being hungry all night long. On NOV 26th, I called a restaurant by the house, but they never picked up the phone. I called around 10:40pm. Then I ordered from some other place not soo close-by, and said food would arrive in 30 mins. It was 11:30pm...NO FOOD. I was getting a headache. So i never bothered calling back a demanding for a new order to arrive by midnight? This time i did put those 20 dollars in my pocket. The mom comes back at 1 AM and asks if i had ordered food. I said the truth! and she was surprised. They paid for my cab ride back home as usual. As I reach out for the money I see it was JUST one 20 dollar bill !!!. I was told to tip the dude well! I get home, and I'm left with 3 dollars from cab money. I realized they havent paid me for that night! So I thought they forgot, or I misunderstood our previous agreement. Then, I remember this is not the 1st time. They did this same thing to me last year too!!! On that following Monday, I ask the father what the original intention was...

BOTH parents feel that because I was giving 2 days paid off (1- they left, 2- its a holiday) that it was expected from me to babysit for a night after thanksgiving for free!!! The father brought up the topic and asked what happened to the dinner delivery that night. I repeated the story. They never cared before about my dinner as long as I left those 20 dollars on the table. It's obvious that since i took the money with me, they now care why I never spent it. I said I still have it in my pocket if u want it. He said ok, let it be for some lunch for the kid bc rarely there is no prepared food for the child. I later texted that i would fix food at the house. I said that I would leave those 20 dollars on the table for them along with the keys he asked back from the last babysitting night. H texts back and say that he contacted the wife and let her know about my question and she would "bring it up." The mom comes home and says she feels sorry if i felt under-appreciated, because they really appreciate me and said that they would "paid the difference." They owe me 60 dollars for 4 hours. What the mom does is that she takes out 10 dollars from her wallet and adds the 20 dollars I left on the table. I dont know why in the world i received those 30 dollars from her. I felt so insulted. I left because it was 20 mins after the time i was supposed to leave their house. Tomorrow I will get paid for this week and I hope and wish that the so called "we will pay the difference" (the OTHER $30) are added to my weeks salary!!!

I feel that it bothers me so much! Am I the one being cheap here? or is it the parents? is that right for parents to do even if they give you 12 hrs total (2 thurs) paid off ? The dinner money is one issue. They doing this to me after so long is another issue. I kept my mouth quiet 1 time already, thinking it was reasonable then, but i still felt upset. This 2nd time, I dont feel forgiving! I feel I should speak up for myself, but I dont know how to express myself. I am very sweet and funny, but this time I'm hurt and I feel my words wont be kind. What I worry about is that I could be putting my bonus/gift in jeopardy. I know they sense something bothers me. I dont know how to address this issue. I just know that if i dont see that date night money completed along with my salary, I will return those 30 dollars she gave me using that nights dinner money I'd returned. I will tell them that its NOT my call that they give me 12 hrs paid off, and that in appreciation I should work for free during a holiday weekend night. Oh and did I mention that because I WORKED AT 9PM THAT NIGHT I CABBED IT THERE and i did text the mom that and she never cared. So I wasted my time and money on that night : (

28 comments:

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

OP, since the parents said they would be giving you those two Thursdays off PAID, then you are entitled to those days off PAID, w/no strings attached. Plus, you said that before accepting the "date night" gig, the mother agreed you would be paid. So she should have paid you accordingly.
At this point, they still might pay you for the "date night" when they pay you your regular salary, though I kind of hesitate to think so since she offered you the $10 for the "date night" sitting gig. But take a wait and see approach. If she does, I really think she only owes you an add'l $40 since you didn't spend the $20 for food. Sure, they food never came through and sure you did starve, but theoretically you didn't spend the money and think it should go for your salary for the "date night" gig.
If they end up not paying you for the "date night" gig with your regular pay, then I think they added their own strings to the agreement w/out telling you. It is super wrong to tell a babysitter she has the next two Thursdays off w/pay, then add on she needs to babysit for "free" one time since she had a two free days. WTF??! This is pulling the wool over your eyes and is super shady to me. I would most definitely bring it up to them and would try to work it out with them ASAP. If you choose not to, the bitterness/resentment will build up and this job will not work out in the long run.
Been there, done that....................

ohionanny said...

Ask Mom or Dad if their employer expects *them* to come in and work another day without pay in appreciation for having their holidays off WITH pay.....

They will get the point.

NoAretha said...

My employers do this to me all the time. And Just My Two Cents is right, if you don't say something now, you will resent them. I've been with my family for over three years and they still do this. Every time they come home early or have a day off, they add those hours to the next week since we have a flexible schedule. This is only one of the awful, passive aggressive, issues that I deal with with them but am in love with my charge so could never leave. From experience, if you don't stand up for yourself now, you will end up in this same situation time and time again. Good luck, OP! I hope you get what you're owed!

Buggins said...

I've been a nanny in the past, and I always insisted upfront that I would be paid for the full 50 hours a week even if I wasn't required to work them (for holidays, or if they went away or just didn't need me), but this situation seems slightly different. While I think you're entitled to being paid for the holiday without having to make up the time, I think it might not be unfair to expect you to make up at least some of the first day off-- unless your work contract/agreement says otherwise. In fairness, if they expected you to make up the time, they should've been clear with you about that before paying you for the first day off. But it sounds like you worked less on the date night than you would have on the Thursday off, so really, this isn't something I'd let ruin an otherwise good relationship. Now you know better for next time- be clear upfront about expectations.

Lastly, your post was sort of scattered and I have no idea what the issue is with the food money. If you never paid for food delivery, why would you think you were entitled to keep it?

Bostonnanny said...

Your a part time nanny, you should be paid for hours worked. If they said they would pay you for the holiday then at is generous they should never expect u to make up the time unless you agreed to.
Since you are a very part time employee with no benefits I would speak my clearly to them, since I'm positive you could find something else for one day a week. Tell them that you expect them to pay you for the hours worked and that when they offer to pay you for their vacation it does not mean they are entitled to have you make up the hours at their convenience. The reason they pay you during vacations should be to ensure that you will continue working for them when they return. Be honest and take control, if they don't like it then move on. As ask to be paid at the end of the day instead of once a week. You don't work enough hours to recieve a check weekly or by weekly.
As for the food money, you are not entitled to keep it you don't use it. That is a nice perk and I would just pack some food next time.

oh well said...

Of course you should get paid for the babysitting night. But why on earth don't you just pack and bring your own food?

bippity said...

I'm not really sure what the problem is other than not clarifying ahead of time you are part time and should not be paid for days you don't work. But they were wrong expecting you to work for free one night. I would never take money if it was meant for food even if I did order it and it didn't come.

Village said...

WOW So many things wrong here. First, always order dinner. If you don't eat it, TAKE IT HOME. I assume they won't look to see if it is left overs, or untouched food.

Giving you two days off paid is not two days off paid if you work for a day for free. That's one day off paid. So really what they were doing is comp time.

I'd sit down and explain that you don't work for free. If they want to do comp time, then it needs to be spelled out that way. I assume you could have worked that Saturday night for someone else, for real money. And again, ALWAYS order food. Never leave money on the table.

nycmom said...

There is no absolute correct protocol for dealing with these issues EXCEPT the one you and the family agreed to. Part-time arrangements are totally variable. I would venture to say most pt sitting gigs don't include paid time off. But since yours DOES, you should be paid for both the Thursdays you had off. You should also be paid for the date night.

I have a flex hours setup with our current ft nanny and it works for both of us. If she is scheduled to 6pm one night, but wants to leave at 5pm to do something (and I can accomodate it), we just shift the hour around to another day. We both like this because there is no feeling of awkwardness or taking advantage with last minute changes. We are both comfy asking and accomodating if we can.

However, if you do not agree to flex hours, then the family should not just assume they can shift around your schedule without your agreement. In my mind the most important thing in any nanny employment is the Work Agreement, which is mutually agreed upon and fully understood. I put *every* imaginable thing in writing to avoid misunderstandings that seem so common - though I admit it took me 5 years of employing nannies to learn to do this.

BostonNanny makes a good point. You should be paid daily. I pay my pt sitters daily and my ft sitter weekly. Seems more fair and avoids forgetting or miscalculating hours.

Food money. Getting $20 for food for a date night is a nice perk. I don't do it. But I do have a fully stocked fridge any sitter is welcome to. Lastly, I agree with Buggins. If you didn't use the food money, you shouldn't keep it. Though I'm also of the mind that nannies should not pocket cab money and take the train home too - which is clearly a more controversial issue. And it's why I call the past 10pm pay a late night "bonus" rather than cab fare cause it would drive me *crazy* to be lied to about this.

MidtownNanny said...

I usually enjoy what NYCmom has to say. Being from the area, she sounds like an employer i'd like to work with, lol. but she is right. I myself am a nanny and whenever there is a conflict or miscommunication, i usually send an email because even though it isnt as direct as a face to face discussion, an email is less stressful and helps you get your point across in a way that is more comfortable for both parties involved. Shoot the mom an email and remind her that you agreed to be paid for those hours. personally, i would tell her that i received the extra 10 dollars she left on the table, so with the 20 for food, you have been paid 30 for that night. i would continue by telling her that she can just add the remaining (whatever else $ she owes you) to your check for the following week. I was pretty confused by the cab part of your story. i dont know whether they pay for your fare or if you pay for it. but, regardless, i would just shoot her an email, dont ask her about the extra pay, TELL her politely that she can just put it in your check for the next week. then add the "sorry for the confusion, blah blah blah, being that i am a college student, every dollar counts, i just wanted to remind you that this is what we agreed upon for my payment for that night."

MONKEYSHINES said...

I would look for another situation, these parents know what they are doing! I am so glad I am not a nanny any more having to deal with such nonsense!

abc said...

They told you they would pay you for those hours, so they should. However, if you don't want to rock the boat too much, you could offer it up as a "misunderstanding" and just ask them to be clear in the future about paid time off vs. comp time. In general, I would be more concerned about getting paid for hours work (a legitimate claim and one that professional parents can relate to) rather than pocketing the perks (food money, cab fare), which most people don't have at their jobs.

abc said...

*hours worked

a mom said...

I agree with nycmom 100%. However, I find a few holes in your story. You said you don't really eat past 8 pm. The night in question you say you sat from 9 pm til 1 am. Wouldn't you have eaten dinner before you arrived? Of course the mom was surprised when you said you had ordered dinner. Not only that, where would all of the packaging for the delivery be? I have a college sitter that I use 16 hours a week and I have to say, I would be put off if I thought she was pocketing the dinner money I left her. (I sometimes leave $, sometimes don't, depending on the hour and how stocked the fridge/cupboards are- also depends on how many hours she is there-- if she is only going to be working a 4 hour shift, in my opinion, she can eat a meal before or after and grab a quick snack on the job. I agree that if you were offered paid time off you should have gotten it and not be expected to make up the hours. You should also have been paid your hourly rate for the date night. But I think YOU created ill will first by lying about the dinner money when they got home. So it sounds like net-net you got paid for working two full days in exchange for the date night that was 4 hrs of work. If you include the $20 you took, the parents technically owe you $40 IF AND ONLY IF they originally agreed to pay you for that night. What I find odd is that you say "they did the same thing last year." If that's the case, you should have spoken up for yourself THIS year when the talk of paid holidays/date night over holiday weekend came up THIS time. I'm sorry but from the perspective of an employer, your act of pocketing the $20 in the 1st place just seems dishonest and sneaky - and unfortunately it sounds like your employers feel taken advantage of too.

I also disagree that you should order food and take it home. Lots of corporations have free or subsidized cafeterias for their employees while they are at work. That doesn't give those employees the liberty to grocery shop the cafeteria and take meals home with them for dinner. That is called taking advantage.

I think if you care to try to repair the relationship, you need to schedule a sit down with the mom and tell them how you feel about being told you would have two days off paid and then being expected to sit for free. Lay everything out and decide now that you will be paid for hours worked and what if anything if they don't need you for your regularly scheduled hours. Decide what you expect and what you are willing to accept - (I guarantee my 16 hr a week sitter 12 hrs - always pay her for 12 if I use her less, or 16 if I use her the whole 16. I pay her 1x a week) I would also tell them it was poor judgement on your part to take the $20 that night and apologize for that. Honestly, if I were your employer, after this incident, I'd wonder if I needed to find someone else (and I'd probably be dreading having to find someone for the hours I needed)- however, if we could clear the air, I'd probably be happy to continue with you.

Please, don't any nannies start flaming me and calling me a cheap-ass employer. I babysat for $2 an hour in high school and $5 an hour in college. I stayed 8+ hours sometimes and nobody left me money for delivery- if they had, I wouldn't have dreamed of taking it.

re-read again said...

I agree up to some point with A Mom Said. Nonetheless, you have to reread the post again. OP did not lie about ordering food and eating it and pocketing the money. She said she did tell the mother she placed the delivery order and it never showed up, and that she starved and caused her a headache. She made the mistake of pocketing it but she does mention she did return it when went back from work. At least she recognized it and returned the dinner money, unlike the parents......

OP Part 2 said...

Thank you ALL for your insights on this matter. I will tell you guys what happened when they paid me my week’s salary on Thursday, but I’ll warn you it wasn’t pretty. First of all they showed up half an hour late without warning me. The mom came home and said the dad was in the car waiting for me with my envelope and to give me a ride to the subway. I said hi to the dad and told him that I didn’t know they would come half an hour later. He said: “but don’t you pick up the kid at school at 12:30 and we pay you until 6:30?” The mother has had being paying from 12pm to 6pm. The reason is that the child’s official release from school is at 12:30pm, however, children start leaving at 12:15pm. Since our conversation started from this point, he handed me out my envelope. I open it and see that he did the math wrong, and that just for the week’s pay he left out 30 dollars!!! Not to mention the OTHER additional $30 from the past date-night. He apologized and added the $30 of the week’s salary ONLY… Then, I kindly asked if I wasn’t going to receive the other $30 from date night as that is what I understood when the mom said on Monday they were going to “pay the difference.” The dad said that what they meant is that since it was a misunderstanding from my part, they were just going to pay half the $ for the date night just to settle things down. He then went on to justify that he was the one who told me that I was going to get 2 days paid off, but that he also asked me to give them a date night to comp. Okay! Here is when I remember I told them that I was going to see if I was going to be available for that specific date they asked for. Then, I told him that I agreed to the date night ONLY because the mother asked again about it and that she emphasized I would get paid for that date night as well. He said I misunderstood things. So, I had the nerve to say: I am sorry for misunderstanding things, all I wanted was just a clarification. Hence, I CAN’T keep the $30 I received on Monday because I feel bad about it. As I was reaching for my wallet to take out the money, he said “no no no” and things were uncomfortable by then. He said “we always treat you with fairness, we never try to do things or even approach you in an unfair way (which I as a nanny agree and appreciate) but then, I think we are “GENEROUS” in giving you 2 consecutive Thursdays paid off, and just asked you for a date night.” He then said: “I think that in this case GENEROSITY should be RECIPROCAL….” I said to him, I don’t know where you get that from, and I don’t know if the nanny system is supposed to run like this, BUT I never asked to have those days paid. In fact, you guys left, and If I knew that I had to give a date night for free in return I wouldn’t have accepted. He said that it was sad to hear that from me. I asked him to put himself in my shoes and asked if he would let this happen at his job. He said that this is how it is in the nanny system. That they have friends who use nannies too and that they talk about how things work. I said: well in my 6 yrs of experience babysitting, I’d never encountered such a thing before. Since we were already at the subway station and knew none of the two was going to give in, he quite the conversation saying that “well, we said things and ask your mom about this because I know she has experience as a nanny.” HELLO!!!! I did ask, and she feels the same way I do, and suggested me to just ask what the original intention was. I told him “why don’t you ask your wife’s youngest sister, who is also a babysitter, what she knows how families address this issue” He said: “oh if you only knew, trust me you get treated better than her” I said thanks for giving me a ride and goodnight. My mom says: “generosity is something that you give out of your initiative and DO NOT expect anything in return” I learned my lesson. This is how a na├»ve young nanny learns in her nanny life…

op here 3 said...

I am sorry for the multiple posts.
I do want to include this:

Ps. I did understand and apologized for taking and returning the dinner $. It’s not going to ever happen again. I do love those parents, and the child is my best little friend ever. The family and I have a perfect relationship and had been loyal to each other for 2 yrs. It’s just that I couldn’t let this situation happen twice again, without making me a resentful nanny. I just hope for the best when I come back to work on Monday. I do want to leave clear that I work a total of 14 hours a week in 3 days. Until September, I had always worked 22 hours a week for this family. I hope this explains why we have this compromise.

alex said...

I guess I am different feeling than the other people here but (and i don't know how the discussions went beforehand) I took it as (when you wrote it) that babysitting that weekend would be in place of the Thursday that was off and paid. I do see how it could be misunderstood and think that it was good to speak up for yourself as it is important to speak up about misunderstandings.

In regards to the $20 for dinner, I think you are definitely in the wrong. They gave you that money FOR DINNER and for you to take it is stealing to me. I don't think they even have to leave you money for dinner and I have never heard of such a thing. I am glad you apologized for that and won't do that again.

It sounds like you have it good here, have a good relationship with the parents, they give you cab and dinner money and it was just a misunderstanding. I would chalk it up to that and just make sure you clarify things in the future.

NoFreeLunch... said...

Once you have been so dishonest, the parents will never fully trust you again. This will always be in the back of their minds, no matter what they say and I'll bet it will be brought up when they are ever asked to provide a reference. So just be prepared, that $20 will haunt you.

Why would you not eat before starting a 9:00 gig, especially if you don't eat after 8:00? What was crossing your mind when you pocketed that money? Why would your employers be responsible for feeding you at all? Why not bring a snack? Why are they responsible for your dietary needs? Why, why, why? No matter how you cut it, it was a theft, just as ordering "food to go" would be. Do buffets allow doggie bags? The mom probably told you to tip the cabbie well as she, by then, suspected your integrity around money and feared you would stiff him and pocket the change. What other occupation in the world expects to be fed or they will steal lunch money from the employers? This would be grounds for termination at almost any job in the business world.

Either the parents were planning on paying you for Date Night and then were so disgusted by your actions they decided to count it against the first Thurs off, or you misunderstood what "make up the difference" meant. The dad was pretty clear in what he was saying to you - they have been generous to you, what have you done for them?

What kind of school lets kids start wandering out 15 mins early? Pick the kids up at the end of their day, 12:30 and work your 6 hours till 6:30! And no, you shouldn't get paid for brushing your teeth in preparation for the day, dressing yourself or time spent in getting yourself to the job.

nycmom said...

Thanks for explaining OP. It does truly sound like a misunderstanding. If you trust the parents and have a good relationship, then they probably did think they were doing an exchange. Perhaps, just clarify things in writing in the future.

Village, I usually respect your opinions, and often agree. But this one I just can't agree with

"WOW So many things wrong here. First, always order dinner. If you don't eat it, TAKE IT HOME. I assume they won't look to see if it is left overs, or untouched food. . . And again, ALWAYS order food. Never leave money on the table."

This sounds like a horrible attitude and borderline dishonest to me. It's exactly this kind of taking advantage that makes some employers so frustrated. To me this is very similar to accepting money for a cab, saying you are taking a cab home, then pocketing $20-30 and taking the train. I could not imagine doing something like this. The employers aren't just a cash machine to get whatever you can out of. It is supposed to be a professional business arrangement. Providing dinner sounds like a very kind, not common perk. To take advantage of that generosity is *definitely* going to lead to mistrust and bad feelings. Is it really worth it for a doggie bag of food? This would be the equivalent of the parents trying to squeeze every last dime out of the nanny by insisting she do extra chores, having her stay a few minutes late, and generally taking advantage of. We all agree it's horrible when employers do it, and it's just as bad if employees do it.

If you are working for a terrible family who are disrespectful and take advantage, then I can sort of understand the resentment building and nanny feeling like this is a way to tolerate the job (assuming quitting is not an option). But OP says she has "a very nice, friendly, respectful relationship with the parents." Why risk ruining that?

clueless said...

Some parents are so freaking clueless.

I used to do home daycare (thank God that is in the past: it was horrible) and when I was interviewing parents to take on as clients, one mother asked me if they pick up early one day, say two hours, does that credit them with a couple of hours for "date night" on a saturday or sunday. I remember staring at her thinking "what a freaking dumbass." And I said "No. You pay the tuition for the week, and if you pick up early you still pay the same amount."

This family proceeded to always pick up late and when I called them on it and charged them late fees (as was in our contract) they were not happy.

Some people think they own the world. They think that you should pay them to watch their brats. It's irritating.

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Clueless..those parents sound like morons to me. School tuition, whether preschool or private..doesn't allow credits for unused days. If the child is ill and misses a day, they do not get credit to apply for a free day anytime else. Sheesh.
OP, are you going to stay with this job? Won't things be like super awkward now?

OP said...

OP here again,

"Just my two cents just now" and "clueless." I agree with both of you. Those type of parents do exist. It's why MB has tried to make me comp the 2 days off paid. It's my right as a nanny to decide whether I like and agree to that, or not. I haven't met 1 nanny who is happily ready to comp hours. When another situation like this happens again, I will definitely as the parents to email me and will reply accordingly.

"Just my two cents just now"- I honestly don't know how things will go when I go back to work. I say this because of the way MB and I spoke about the "Comp hours issue" the last day. I hope you read my update on: 'OP PART 2' and 'OP HERE 3.'

Yes, I want to remain in my job. I know it will be awkward since this is our ONE and ONLY issue in the 2 yrs of nanny-parents relationship.

Any advice on how to clear out any negative vibe left from our POST-CLARIFICATION night????

Yodel said...

I had a nanny watching my kids for various amounts of time, and if I gave her 10 or 20 bucks for food, and she didn't use it, I wouldn't expect it back. I obviously had the money to spare, so why would I care where it went. It gets used up, let her use it how she wants. I'm sure she needs it for something, whether it's food or not.

Why are you all so petty? Oh it's theft, it's thievery, you BIG TIME CRIMINAL, OP! Please.

I am sure most of you have done worse. Oh wait that's right you're all saintly nannies on this site, everyone is perfect. HUGE eyeroll here.

Lay off of her. Nannies get taken advantage of in so many ways, is it so hard to be kind and let her keep money she never uses when offered anyway?

So many of you are missing the big picture. I hope you selfish people don't have nannies, and if you do, they are probably outright stealing from your selfish asses because you put them in that position with your stinginess.

nycmom said...

OP, I've had "confrontations" with past sitters and nannies over isolated issues. It happens. Addressing it professionally is part of being a good employer. Trust me, letting it smolder is a tempting cowardly way out! Confrontations are horrible. However, everytime I've marshalled the courage to do this and confront things directly, calmly, and with the goal of continuing to employ the nanny, it has actually been a good thing in the long run.

A couple of examples are a pt sitter who was tired many mornings upon arriving to work to the point that she had no energy with the kids; a nanny who was asking for various pay raises before contractually agreed upon annual raise; wanting a nanny to do much more outside play with one of our kids. These were "bigger" issues, but little things come up all the time. We were able to come out of these awkward discussions with a smile and relief at the cleared air. And with the added benefit of improvement in the issue.

So my advice is to have the confrontation in a calm, planned way. Email or call the family and ask if you can arrive 30 minutes early, or plan to stay 30 minutes late, to have a sit down discussion about the recent issues. I usually do this with my husband and we take turn watching the kids as needed so they do not interrupt, though ideally you set them up with a TV show or other activity to have peace. Ahead of time, write out your concerns and make a copy for the parents. Try to take gentle control of the meeting and say you want to go through your concerns 1 by 1. So, for example, "How to address future holidays/vacations that you guys take and my compensation. Comp time, paid off, or unpaid?" Have your desired outcome in mind and be prepared to negotiate. So if you want all time like this paid, ask for it, but be prepared to negotiate and accept 2 days total paid off a year (or whatever is acceptable). If you are absolutely opposed to flex/comp time, state that and don't give in. When a solution is agreed upon, put it in writing on your sheet. At the end of the meeting, both sides usually feel so much relief that the air has been cleared and hope that future problems will be avoided. Tell them at the end how much you love your job and appreciate that you were able to resolve this and communicate so well. Say you are going to type up the new agreement as you understand it and give them a copy to make sure you are all on the same page now. If you both truly value each other (as it sounds like you do), they will be just as genuinely happy as you to have the air cleared!

Just My Two Cents Just Now said...

Good advice nycmom...I think OP will appreciate it all.
I personally do not like confrontation. I avoid it like the plague..things get so awkward (on my end.) It definitely is an ice breaker and I wish I could be less afraid of it. In this profession, it is very important to use confrontation as a tool in establishing a good nanny/parent relationship since precious children are involved. I wish I wasn't so darn afraid of making people angry or offending.

MissMannah said...

OP, you sound very young and immature to me. Maybe it is just your rambly writing style, but I just couldn't follow a lot of what you say.

I am surprised that parents even give you money to order your own dinner. That seems so overly generous to me and just isn't done around here. Occasionally I'll have parents give me money to order food for the children and myself but never just for me. And of course no one takes a cab here but I would never in my life expect a parent to give me bus fare. You're an adult, can you not provide your own meals and transportation? You seem to have a real sense of entitlement as far as this is concerned.

As for working for free, that's just ridiculous and the parents need to understand that. If they can't, then they don't need to be employers. If they tell you to take a day off, then you don't owe them anything and they cannot guilt you into thinking you do.

BeantownNanny said...

@Yodel, I completely agree. Although I think OP's situation is a dramatic and could be taken care of with a simple conversation, I do think the dinner money is hers to keep. Especially since she often left the money not getting anything. If a family gives me ten bucks to spend on snacks for the kids at a park or something and I only spend five, I don't give MB the extra. She doesn't ask. We respect each other. On the contrary I occasionally spend more than what she gives me on them. Am I going to ask for the the three dollars I spent over. OF COURSE NOT!

I think most of the things people post on here come down to such tiny things that could be resolved if there wasn't such a high school drama attitude...that goes for both sides. Immature parents, and nannies.