I am a nanny for an adorable little boy. My situation is that sometimes I feel like the mother and his parents are the babysitters. The boy has complete respect for me. I literally have him wrapped around my finger when it comes to please and thank you, what he eats and doesn't eat, and just respect in general. The second his parents come home, he's a different child. Although I could care less, I try to understand the situation but it's crazy.First of all, his parents seem coherent. They have great jobs, they are fun, and can be down to earth people. When it comes to raising a child, it's as if they have never come in contact with a child. Their son is not a baby anymore. He does not sleep in his own bed, he still takes a binky, and he's still on baby food! It's as if they don't want to deal with their own child. And potty training? It's on their time, not the boy in training. If it's not convenient for them, he stays in a diaper.
There are times when I hear the parents begging and bribing him to do something. Isn't the child supposed to beg his parents? There are times when I literally tell them what to do when it comes to eating new foods and it's as if I'm speaking another language. I have explained what steps I take to get him to eat things and how I do it. The kid never drank plain water in his life until I came along. I told them that he will drink water. What happens? He drinks juice all day with them. And juice is the better choice. A lot of times it's soda!
A huge part of me just doesn't care about what they do because the saying "they are the parents, they can do what they want" but I don't understand why these people just don't do whats best for their kid. Who are the parents? The kid or the "parents?"
17 comments:
That is always annoying. Although one comment on not in his own bed is that some people prefer to co-sleep and there is nothing wrong with that.
Co-sleeping is for morons, which apparently, these parents are.
*sigh*
Take it as a sign of the times. As a nanny, I see this time and time again. Children run the show..not the parents it seems. The children decide what and when to eat, what they will wear, when they will sleep and they dictate what they want to do all day. Parents usually accommodate to the child and we will soon have a generation of self-serving brats. But uh...for now, I would just simply continue doing as you are. Remember: you can only do so much for this child. The times you are not there, it is out of your control. If the pay is good and you like your job otherwise, I would just say grin and bear it. Yes, it is hard..but it seems you are already doing all you can do.
Good Luck OP.
The child-nanny dynamic is VERY different from the child-parents dynamic. My charges ALWAYS listen to me but as soon as mom comes home it's a different story. The level of familiarity and comfort they have with their parents is different than what they have with you, the nanny.
However, your employers sound like idiots and I'm not sure the above explanation can be used to explain what's going on in that house.
I feel for you. My bosses are GREAT parents. They're hands-on, they are competent when it comes to raising children and they're very knowledgeable. The few times though, that I see them allowing things I would never allow or letting the girls get away with murder, I have to bite my tongue, despite how frustrating it is. Because it's so infrequent though and because I don't share that special parent-child relationship, it's not an issue at all. We're all pretty much on the same page as far as disciplining is concerned. I don't know what to tell you though...you're pretty much backed into a corner. You can only make suggestions and give gentle advice so many times.
ah it is just parents being neglectful and doing what is easier for them. It just seems like the current generation of parents (30-40s) would just rather give in than do anything.
I don't think co-sleeping is for morons. I co-slept with my child until she was school age and she is happy, well-adjusted, wonderful and healthy.
That being said, some people are just crappy parents. Sounds like these people don't have many parental skills. And as Jacqui put it so accurately, the child-nanny dynamic is VERY different from the child-parent dynamic.
That's irrelevant. Still a moron.
True Alex..I am so glad I had my first kid when I was 19. Now a days I see parents my age who cater to their kids and it makes me ill.
When I started with my charge she wouldnt even say please or thank you. the parents didnt enforce it at all. they just did whatever their toddler commanded. Right away, i enforced the manners, and now my charge says please and thank you ALL the time, which is how it should be.) but something that i found interesting is the dad came home one evening (late evening, like always) and just sat there as i was interacting with the child. when the child asked me for a drink and neglected to say please, i corrected the child by saying, "what do you say?" and she responded easily with "Please!" and the dad laughed, at the fact that his child was actually using manners. i guess he found it to be cute and amusing to hear his 3 year old say please, but to me, it is expected that they say it, or else i will not do it. parents these days, seriously, finding it amusing that their child is being polite. i'll tell you why it was amusing, because they didnt teach it to their child.....oh and dont get me started on the other families. 4 year olds in diapers... i could go on and on
First of all....Baaaa needs to stop being a hater. I personally don't think I will co-sleep regularly with my children if/when I have them, but some of my fondest memories are of sleeping with my mom when I was a little girl, and there is certainly nothing wrong with it. I am a nanny in a somewhat progressive city and I encounter families with practices that I find a bit bizarre. Does that mean I think they are moronic? Absolutely not. I think they are parents, acting in the best interest of their children and it's not my place to judge. As a matter of fact, I always mention in my interview my commitment to respect and continue the wishes and practices of the parents. That being said, I might teach and discipline in ways the parents do not. I, too, insist that my charges be polite. I'm sure that at their core, these parents don't desire rude children, but perhaps they assume that manners are for adults, and they'll pick up on them later. Not a great theory in my opinion....mais c'est la vie :)
I am not a big fan of co-sleeping, but I cerrtainly see where it works well for some people. I think children and parents sleep better when they are in thier own beds. I tried the whole co-sleeping thing with my daughter, but she tosses and kicks and grunts in her sleep. She gets plenty of rest, but she's a wiggler, and I am not. Every time she would move or make noise, myslef or my husband would awaken, and then our movement would awaken her, and it made for a terrible night's sleep. Once she started sleeping in her own bed in her own room, we all slept better.
That being said......there is nothing like an early morning cuddle. When my husband gets up for work, my daughter usually hears him, and migrates her way into bed with me. We love snuggling up under the warm covers in the morning.
My children slept with me when they were little and they have grown up to be regular, well-adjusted children. I was NEVER allowed to sleep with my parents as a child, except for camping trips, etc..and I feel like by not doing so ripped me off of some intimacy I could have shared with my parents, esp. my mother. We were never really close growing up and part of it could be because she always said NO when I asked to sleep in her bed. (This was at a very young age.)
When my own kids grew up, they just grew out of sleeping with me. That's it. There was no horrible transition period. As a Nanny, I would say roughly 90% of the families I work for have their children sleep in bed with them.
I slept with my mom for a long time. My parents didn't have the greatest marriage, so in the evenings they didn't hang out together. My dad didn't go into bed until around midnight and it was then that he would carry me into my own room so he could get into bed with my mom. I would sleep in her bed every single night and it got to the point where it was very hard to break me of that habit. I am not taking a stance on this subject either way, just sharing my experience. Some of my fondest memories are of those evenings spent with my mom, but I also remember how hard it was when she insisted I sleep in my own bed. I don't recall how long it took me to readjust but I know there were many nights I cried myself to sleep.
this topic of sleeping with a parent is very very new to me. none of the families i have worked for have ever practiced this. i dont think any of the parents would tolerate such a thing. nor would i. i think it would be very strange if i grew up sleeping with my parents. that is their bed, for their intimate moments, which are important for their relationship. as a child, i knew that was not my place to be. i had no idea that this was a normal practice in other homes. im not criticizing it, im just wondering why parents would want their children in bed with them. i would never let my own children do that
Nanny,I don't think we need to bring it to the "creepy level," by pointing out that intimate moments are shared in the bed. You never cuddled with your parents in bed? When I see my mom, we always hang out in her bed on lazy days, whether we're just sitting around reading together, watching TV or talking.
To imply there's something perverse going on is a little strange. I can absolutely understand how you may not grasp the entire idea though. Different families have different boundaries.
Jacqui, I don't think I ever implied anything creepy or perverse. I simply believe that children should know their place- and that includes knowing their place to sleep.
My sisters and I all slept in mom and dad's bed till we were 6 or 7, and now all of us are adults, but every time anything goes wrong we call mommy and daddy to fix it. We have trouble managing our lives without our parents, which I don't think is healthy for women in their 30s. I'm not saying it's a direct cause and effect, but it's worth thinking about.
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