Tales from the Other Side...

Sunday, October 9, 2010
trial by fire I have been looking for a nanny since our wonderful nanny moved back to Honduras in May. As such, we have had a half dozen trials. I utilize these trials so I can assess the nanny's compassion, work ethic and common sense. Keep in mind these nannies come in to my home to in essence try out for my nanny position. They have been told in detail what is expected of them in advance and the choice to partake in a trial is of course their own.

I may be recalling these out of order, but allow me to try. The first nanny boasted of her education, she had a bachelors in sociology and five years nanny experience. She presented clean and ready to work, dressed appropriately in jeans and tennis shoes. She greeted the children warmly and set about playing with them just out of site. She was very good with children as I have an ear for such things. I let them play uninterrupted for nearly 90 minutes before poking my head in. When I did, I realized every single toy and art project was out and strewn all over. The nanny met my expression with shock with a huge smile and said, "they showed me everything". I suggested I take the children in to the kitchen for a snack while she straighten up the playroom. She stated that the children would be helping her. I explained to her that the playroom was ogranized by a professional organizer and everything needed to go back just so. She stood there and argued with me and stated she was not a housekeeper.  I tried to calm her down but she asked me repeatedly, "is this how it's going to be, is this how it's going to be". I explained to her that my children were only three and five and yes, I would expect her to pick up after them. She stood up and put her hand out. I said, "what's this?". She said, "this won't work, let's just end this now". I said, "If you feel that way.." Well to make a long story short she threatened to call the police if i didn't pay her. I told her that her trial was to last until three and she had barely been here two hours. I never saw her again.

The second person I recall had no formal education but eight years of nanny experience. During the interview she was soft spoken and conservative. She arrived at my home dressed in skin tight black jeans and a crop top. She had earings hanging from her ears the size of hula hoops.  Again, I let her play with the children in the playroom. The children were setting up a train track. The nanny could barely bend over in her tight jeans to help. I saw her at various stages of bent and it was obscene, never mind I woudln't want to be liable if one of my children ripped one of her earings out of her ear. I paid her for the day and kindly let her know 'it wasn't a good match'.

One of the others I had arrived on my door step with a kind smile and a black eye. She explained that her niece kicked her in the head while roughhousing. She started at lunch time and begaan by helping with lunch. She talked to the children the whole time, sang songs and after lunch began playing chutes and ladders at the kitchen table. I noticed her cell phone go off repeatedly, upon closer examination it was a texting alert. I asked her if she could please silence that during the rest of her trial. She politely apologized, did so and continued playing games with the children. About twenty minutes later, there is banging on my front door. I go to answer it and it is an angry looking young male demanding to see the nanny. I explained that she was working. He insisted he needed to talk to her, that it was an emergency. I alerted the nanny and she stepped outside on the stoop to speak to him. I heard him yelling at her for not returning her texts. Turns out he was parked three houses down just waiting for her because he had some weird trust issues. When the nanny came back in, she apologized. I told her I could not have these sort of scenes in my home around the children and asked her if she needed help. She assured me she didn't. I paid her for the day and she left, with the boyfriend who was now standing outside my door.

I hired on girl for a trial who seemed like a good fit, lots of experience both as a nanny and daycare provider. She started her trial a week after the interview and hand to God, it was like she hadn't showered in all that time. The smell was nauseating. This was in July in NY and her perspiration was immense and thick like onions. I feigned a change of plans, paid her for the day and ignored her calls.

I hired a manny because he was well reccomended and the idea seemed appealing. Well he was a marvel with the children. I can't complain there. I noticed he caught his reflection every chance he could. I was okay with his narcissm, what I was not okay with was what appeared to be a very serious eating disorder.  When he took off his sweater, I realized just how thin he was. He was midway through a one week trial when I realized I cannot have this behavior in my house.  Although he worked from 8-6, he never ate and our home is stocked with nutritious food. The only thing he would drink was hot lemmon water. I began to grow concerned that he would have the children out somewhere and simply pass out.

And still another nanny I hired for a one week trial had taken my children out with the promise she was taking them to a park and taken them instead to a residence where there were atleast two males. My five year old revealed they sat and watched (what I deduced from his explanation) were daytime television shows like Jerry Springer. The children were given whole cereal boxes and allowed to just eat handfuls of cereal from the box. When I asked the nanny about this, she flat out denied and assured me they had been at the park. When I demanded to know which park, she stated "Thomas Greene" which makes no sense as we live between Prospect Park and JJ Byrne. I fired her on the spot and paid her for two days, although she had worked two and a half days, I told her I wasn't paying her to take my children to unfamiliar neighborhoods and hang out with strange men!


nycnanny said...

Although the first nanny should not have talked back to you, I am in 100% agreement that a 3 and 5 year old should be cleaning up their own things or at least be assisting in the clean up. I am a nanny to a 2 1/2 year old and she is more than capable of picking up toys at the end of the day!And yes, she does clean up every single day with my supervision and help. You are not doing your children any favors by not teaching them responsibilities. Especially a 5 year old, come on.

insane said...

Dear OP:
I’m not sure if your post is a joke, but I am going to respond as if it is not.
The first nanny: she was correct, and you are incorrect regarding children picking up after themselves. A five year old Pre-schooler and an older toddler of three should be learning to help pick up. If they go through life expecting a professional organizer to organize their lives for them, you are teaching them nothing except to be entitled snots, which they will no doubt become if you continue on in this manner.
I would have called the police too. You sound utterly insane.
The second nanny: if the nanny was dressed inappropriately, that is something you obviously did not include in your detailed explanation of your expectations that you say they were all aware of. I agree that tight jeans and crop tops are not the best nannying gear, but then again: you agreed to hire someone with no education, correct? While it is good that you “kindly let her know it was not a good match” you strike me as extremely unkind. Your disdain for her shows in your words and I’m sure showed to your kids and to her.
Nanny three: you should have done more. If you suspected abuse from this husband, you should have called the cops. But I guess that stuff (domestic violence) doesn’t have a place in your fancy world, does it? It only exists for losers who wear tight jeans and crop tops. Losers who are nannies.
Nanny four: ok, point taken. Nobody likes bad BO. It is almost as irritating as your personality.
Nanny five: the manny. Wow. You diagnosed him with an eating disorder? You are super smart. Wait. Strike that: I mean super judgmental. You are clearly the one who needs therapy.
Nanny six: I don’t know what went on because I was not there. If your “trial nanny” took your children to a residence where there were adult males you did not know, that is serious. But I have found that there are two versions of the story and somewhere in the middle is the truth.
Suffice to say, you really are in no position to hire a nanny. I would not work for you for a million dollars. I feel deeply, deeply sorry for your children. I think having had cereal out of the box is the least of their problems. You can search and search, but the only good fit you will find for your family is a nanny who has zero self-respect.

Bostonnanny said...

I agree with nycnanny 100%. As for the other nannies, maybe in the future you should write out a complete list of expectations about appearance, hygiene and give a list of activities the children are allowed to go too.

You seem high strung and anal, so its prob the best way to weed out the nannies you think will be unsuitable before they enter your home. But understand that you will most likely receive far fewer job applications.

emma said...

you dont willy nilly introduce cops into possible DV! You could get the victim killed! It is always her choice. She knows the situation and the repercussions.
Educate yourself.

insane said...


I am a survivor of domestic violence. I have a great deal of experience with the matter. While I agree that it is her choice, and she needs to make that decision herself, any report or complaint filed against the abuser will help the girl when she does go forward. I wish my neighbors had called the cops just once before, after years, I finally decided to do so. If this woman had filed a complaint against the man for his behavior, even just to have it on record that she witnessed it, no matter what the abuser's reaction to being reported, it would not be what "got the girl killed." The only one who would be responsible for the harm that he causes is the abuser himself.

Educate YOURself.

TC said...

Im going to echo the others, at 3 and 5 they should be helping to clean up

My charge is 4 and she cleans up her toys and art supplies, puts away her own dishes and her own clothes....teach them responsibilities at a young age and life will be much easier when they are teenagers.

Now the nanny could have handled the situation differently and she shouldn't have allowed them to destroy the room but there is no reason children can't help clean up their own toys

No wonder... said...

Honduras? That explains a lot.

TC said...

Insane I have 4 aunts who all were victims of domestic abuse and when the cops were involved they were 'punished'

It's not the mom's place to report the nanny, she did the right thing she asked if she needed help. The nanny turned her down, the nanny hadn't hit rock bottom and didn't want the help.

One of my aunts was like that, and it took her killing the bastard for everything to end.

insane said...

I don't think the mom should have reported the nanny, TC. I think she should have filed a complaint regarding this man's behavior on her premises.

And regarding your aunt's husband that she killed: is that the solution? Should women who are abused not tell the cops ever? I have gotten out of my situation and the police have been wonderful. Women are only "punished" when they call the cops and then proceed to go back to the abuser.

Furthermore, it sounds as if the nanny would not have taken help from someone who showed such obvious disdain towards her. I doubt I would have taken help from her either.

PreSchool Teacher said...

You should have had a preschool teacher organize your playroom instead of a professional organizer: if so many things can be pulled off of the shelves that are available to the children, then the playroom is not organized properly.

TC said...

insane, first of all it was her boyfriend not husband

my mother called the cops and to thank my mother for that the man took a bull whip and beat my aunt with it. When my aunt took her 6 week old baby up to Michigan to get away from that man he found her and made her come back. Her punishment then was him putting her on his shoulders, spinning around and throwing her into the yard. When my grandmother called the cops on him my aunts punishment was to sit naked while he poured gasoline on her and threatened to light a match.

I'm saying if the nanny didn't want the cops called then the mother did the right thing. In my state if the cops are called for a domestic disturbance SOMEONE will go to jail be it the person abusing someone or the person being abused. Someone goes to jail.

My aunt didn't want the cops to be called....actually none of them wanted the cops to be called because the punishment later was severe. Someone being abused has to hit rock bottom before they accept help. Just like an addict you can not force help on them, you wanted the cops to be that tells me you had hit rock bottom and needed help. That might not have been the case with this nanny.


stay home with your kids and be a mother dont pay someone else to do your job for you bumboclat

emma said...

Okay, the nanny was not being abused at the time. There was no crime being committed at that time. So the police would come and what? They could not arrest the boyfriend. They would be sent home together. Get real. Educate yourself! It's one thing to call the cops when a woman is being abused. She showed up hours earlier with a bruise on her face. Very clearly, they could not tie it to the boyfriend's urgency to talk to the girlfriend. Think before you act, lest you get a victim of DV killed!

lovesthegirls said...

By not having your children clean up, you are doing them an egregious disservice. Period.

SMH. said...


Unfortunately I don't feel bad for your Aunt. Had she done the smart thing she would have reported him, left him for good, and not waste her life away being abused by some idiot who could have easily been locked up.

I'm sorry he was killed instead of rehabilitated and I hope she went to jail for murder- she deserves it.

TC said...

Smh thankfully you weren't the judge because the judge considered it self defense

You can try to get my goat but it simply wont work :)

nc said...

At least OP did try a manny, which a lot of people would never do...

h said...

I have a problem with some of the comments. I guess most of you think ideally a child should pick up after themselves. Well, applause to you. But this is not your home and these are not your children. This is this poster's position and she has every right to have things done her way, whether or not you think they are correct or not. Remember, you are nannies- not rocket scientists.

h, go to h. said...


I am not a nanny: I am a mother and I don't think anyone is saying that children pick up after themselves all the time. But get real: the OP obviously does not understand child development, and that is what the "nannies" and other posters are trying to explain to her. Sure, it is her home, but she is still doing her kids a disservice in having maids and nannies clean up after them. Yes, she has every right to have things done "her way" although if she keeps up like this, she will be doing it herself, or keep running through a string of nannies who cannot deal with her.

Professional nannies DO understand child development. No, it's not rocket science, but I find your comment to be offensive because it implies that nannies are ignorant and should keep to their "place."

MissMannah said...

H--you make me laugh. How many rocket scientists have the first clue about child-rearing until they've done it? We've done it for YEARS, we know what we're talking about. The one has nothing to do with the other.

OP--you sound like the boss from hell. That's about all I have to say to you.

As for the domestic violence issue, I'm also a survivor of it and I can promise you, if she had called the cops, it wouldn't have done a lick of good. OP didn't have any real statement to give and I'm sure the boyfriend would be calmed down by the time the cops got to their house. Besides, how do we know OP knows the nanny's address? If the woman is denying anything's wrong in the relationship, no amount of outside "help" is going to work, not even from the authorities.

Shocked Nanny said...

OP the first nanny did nothing wrong at all. I am a nanny and when children (esp. multiple children) play, it is expected they will make a mess. Toys strewn all over, blankets pulled off beds to make a tent, paper torn out to make paper planes with, etc. It's all part of kids being kids. Imagine a nanny that would not let a child play w/their toys because she was afraid the kids would make a mess and thus she would get fired. The kids would never have any fun and they would be very constrained. I am a nanny and I always let the children play w/their toys and as long as they do not get into stuff they are not supposed to get into, then it is okay. When we are done, we pick up our messes together. If the child is like a year old, of course not..but for a 3 and 5 yr old, they should be learning how to pick up their messes. Why did you take the children into another room and tell the nanny to clean their own messes? She is a nanny, not your maid for God's sake. I would have said the same thing she said. It doesn't sound like she was being unreasonable at all to me. And shame on you for not paying her the full amount. If you asked her to stay for a few hours, then changed your mind and asked her to leave earlier than you had agreed upon (your choice, not hers) then it is up to you to pay her for the hours you agreed upon initially since you are the one that asked her to leave (!)
I am a nanny and it is families like you that make me reconsider my career choice at times.

Manhattan Nanny said...

Yes, of course a nanny should do things as the mother wishes them to be done. That is why they have trial weeks. It is a chance for both the employer and the nanny to see if it is a good fit. In the case of nanny #1, she saw quickly that this was not a good match. She did not want to work for a mom who expects her nanny to pick up after her children. Most professional nannies consider teaching children to pick up an important part of their job. It helps them develop responsibility and organizational skills, as well as consideration of others, I sense that the OP underestimates what young children are capable of with a little guidance. My two yo charge takes great pride in throwing the toys back into the correct bins, and is very fussy about how she organizes her animals on their shelf. (Apparently they have preferences as to whom they sit next to.)

Shocked said...

The lack of knowledge RE: domestic violence on this board is insane (especially SMH.) I thought in twenty-ten we would know better.

educate yourself said...

Safety first! Offer safety options. Provide the number to their county’s domestic violence program. These programs offer free counseling, legal advocacy, support from a 24 hour hotline and shelter. Provide information on the laws that protect victims of domestic violence. Do not encourage confrontation of the abuser either alone or with other people present. This may put the victim at risk.

insane said...

safety first:

OP said "Do you need help?" That is all she said. She said, after acting like a total bitch to the poor girl, "Do you need help?"

She did none of the things you have suggested. She did not care. She spoke of the fact that the girl had a black eye with disdain, not sympathy. She had no sympathy for this girl. She threw the possibility of domestic violence in as a minor detail in her long rant regarding how much her "trial nannies" sucked.

My point is that she did not care.

TC you are right: you do have to hit rock bottom first. Calling the cops to register a complaint against this man would not have done much good.

I still say that OP did not care, though. She sounds like a total bitch. JMO.

talesfromthe(nanny)hood said...

OP, I think that your parenting choices may have caused you to lose a good nanny in Nanny #1. Most of us professional nannies know that preschoolers are generally fully ABLE to pick up after themselves with gentle help and guidance, although they are perhaps not able to organize things perfectly.

We also know that unless the children we are caring for are going to be so wealthy that they will in no way ever be required to lift a finger to work in their lives, learning to clean up after themselves is a basic life skill they need to learn.

You do sound quite picky and demanding, which is a good thing until it makes you dismiss out of hand every applicant you meet once they arrive for a trial day.

Hope you found a nanny that cleans up after your kids 100%, dresses appropriately, has no personal life issues, practices excellent personal hygenie, eats the way you want them to eat, and gets your approval for each and every outing while allowing you to monitor her with GPS. :-)

MissDee said...

Insane and Nanny Hood: Well said.

OP: The reason why I got into education is to help children who are like me: my father constantly labelled me as "beautiful and stupid," telling me I wouldn't amount to anything. My maternal grandmother did everything for me: clean up my room, make my bed, cook my meals, clean up any mess I made. My older brother did my homework for me, since I couldn't sit still long enough to do it, due to ADHD. As an adult, I struggle with basic skills, like organization, cleaning and cooking, along with homework motivation. And you have the nerve to point out these nannies faults, make judgements and degrade them when you are harming your children's lives by spoiling them with a professional organizer and your overall attitude toward people. Here's a concept: Wal Mart, Target and IKEA make wonderful organizers that you can use in your "precious princess and prince playroom". Take some time to take pictures of each kind of toy and write the word on an index card or other colorful paper. Using packaging tape, tape both the picture and word card on the container. This helps your children learn where things go and what things go together, and also helps with pre-reading skills for a preschooler. Maybe if you did this, you would have less time to be a judgemental bitch who nobody wants to work for. I would never work for you, period. No amount of money is worth me having to clean up a material and emotional mess because you refuse to parent your children correctly.

Phoenix said...

I think that the first nanny was the best. Why on Earth would you hire a professional organizer for a play room. That is really dumb and the kids should have helped pick up it teaches responsibility. In my house my step-son was vaccuuming his own room at 5 years old.

NYCMOM2 said...

Stay at home nyc mom of a three year old here.

I can't believe that you told nanny to clean up with out kids helping. As everyone said, you need some child development classes or you will have some very spoiled children who feel that they are entitled to special treatment throughout their lives (if they aren't/don't already).

The fact that she was warm enough that wanted to show her their toys, and she was happily engaged with them for 90 minutes, sounded like she had promise.

I am certain that your kids are in school by now and are expected to pick up after their mess there (with adult direction/help).

I would call that first nanny back and hire her (if she'll have you). Then take notes from her.

If you have toys organized professionally then i would expect them to be in bins with labels (pictures and/or words) so that they kids can do it themselves. Otherwise, you had a decorator.

RedTent said...

My sympathy to the woman with the black eye, but she has no business exposing kids (and the mom) to her dangerous boyfriend. She should have told the Mom what was going on and offered to leave, so he wouldn't show up there and endanger them all. Sounds like an ongoing issue that she should not be exposing innocent children to. What if she was hired and had the kids at the park and he shows up and decides to kidnap all three, or worse? I have had a nanny with a crazy husband and regretfully had to let her go, because I just wasn't going to risk my kids' safety.

Anonymous said...

Wow, these comments to the OP are harsh! While I agree there are differences in child-rearing practices (and clearly most of us disagree with OP's), the point of the post was the journey of selecting a nanny and therefore the OP laid her focus on those details and not heavily on others.

It seems people are turned off by OP's personality and by contrast, identifying even more strongly with the applicants. I don't think I would want to work for the OP, but as a mother and someone who has interviewed many nanny applicants (and I happen to be a clinical psychologist), here is what I was able to glean from the post:

Applicant #1: Easy to anger, difficulty accepting feedback, impulsive--calling the police? Wow. (yes, I know what the OP was suggesting was a bit "off," but it's her territory).

Applicant #2: Lacked professionalism.

Applicant #3: Unreliability.

Applicant #4: Unable to properly care for self--major difference in hygiene standards from OP.

Applicant #5: Focus on self too strong--questionable implications for ability to care for others.

Applicant #6: Untrustworthy.

Frankly, I don't disagree with the big picture of what OP was expressing. It's difficult trying to find someone compatible with your own family dynamics and it's in OP's right to do so. What she reported about the applicants were not outrageous and I thought she did a nice job of trying to point out each of their strengths. OP was able to identify major issues in prospective employees that would create trouble in the long run. Call me a bitch too, but I have to say that I wouldn't have hired any of the applicants.

And for the record, I have employed 2 nannies and have had warm, communicative, loving relationships with both. I attribute this success to selecting appropriate individuals with whom I was able to connect.

Rocket Scientist said...

Not only do kids this age need to be learning to pick up, not only are they completely able to do so (with help and guidance), but also: THEY WANT TO HELP!! They are right at the age where picking up is a great game, especially when a pick-up song or "race" is incorporated.

Also, as a nanny myself, I am guessing that #1 had told the children they would have to help pick up as soon as they started to pull everything out. So, when OP came into the room and told #1 to clean up, she was (if my guess is correct) undermining #1's authority with the children not 2 hours after they first met her. Who would want a job like that?

MissMannah said...

If you're a clinical psychologist, can't you see that OP is probably exaggerating bad qualities in others and is trying to paint herself as a complete saint? Aren't people in your professional supposed to remain objective? It is unbelievable anyone would defend OP's actions with the first nanny or with the manny, he seemed fine too. Accusing someone of an eating disorder is a psychologist, I'd hope you would know that too.

so sad said...

Red Tent:

I am a survivor of domestic violence and I just want to remind you that victims of domestic violence need jobs. Many women in the field of childcare, myself included, have been a victim of an abusive husband or boyfriend. What if she were in food service and the boyfriend came up to the counter of McDonalds or Burger King and some by-stander got in the way of their fight and was injured. Would you then say she had no business working at Burger King and exposing innocent diners to her boyfriend?

Your comment makes me so sad, because it is reflective of how many people see domestic violence victims: "how dare she? she has no business..." etc.

It is the man who is abusing her that has no business coming to her place of employment. None of this is the woman's fault.

Does the employer have a right to refuse employment to her on the grounds that she has an abusive spouse? Absolutely. But your comment speaks very loudly of your lack of understanding of domestic violence.

observer said...

I had one charge who would put his dishes in the dishwasher, put his toys away and put his dirty laundry into the hamper, all without prompting or assistance, at age three. Now I would help with the toy pickup, but he always started.

All of my other charges have needed a little more encouragement, but at those ages, they've always helped.

I get the impression that OP has been told that her children ought to help pick up after themselves by some authority, like her own parents or friends, and didn't like the surprise she undoubtedly saw in the nanny's eyes when it was clear she didn't intend them to.

That OP refused to pay the first nanny to me seems to be an effort to regain some perceived loss of power.

observer said...

Anonymous, perhaps you didn't notice where OP decided she wouldn't pay the first nanny. Are you telling me that your oh so perfect two nannies would never have been angered by someone telling them that?


Village said...

I wonder if her former nanny really returned to Honduras, or just wanted to get away from the Mother.

nycmom said...

I don't think I've ever written this on ISYN before, but this whole OP sounds fake to me.

Although the applicants OP describes all have clear faults, I find it hard to believe OP could be so oblivious to how poorly she is coming across - especially when writing on a site read primarily by nannies!

I think this was intended (successfully) to inflame nannies. Nothing more.

observer said...

nycmom makes an excellent point. OP has got to be a troll and I'd add that I think "Anonymous" is a sock puppet.

observer said...

I mean really, a supposed clinical psychologist who accepts OP at her word?

thejewishnanny said...

Although the first nanny should not have talked back to you, I am in 100% agreement that a 3 and 5 year old should be cleaning up their own things or at least be assisting in the clean up. I am a nanny to a 2 1/2 year old and she is more than capable of picking up toys at the end of the day!And yes, she does clean up every single day with my supervision and help. You are not doing your children any favors by not teaching them responsibilities. Especially a 5 year old, come on.

Holla! And you owed her for those two hours!

thejewishnanny said...

INSANE, I love you!!!

alex said...

Hi OP. I have not read the other responses but I am going to guess some of them are going to say what you did wrong. I commend you for trying to hire an appropriate nanny for your girls but there are some things with these trials that need stating.

1. While she should not have allowed them to make a mess your girls should be 100% responsible for picking up. Yes you did hire a professional organizer but it is a play room and they should play in it. They should also be responsible for cleaning it up and at 3 & 5 they are definitely old enough to clean up. They are not learning to be responsible for their actions if you have the nanny & organizers cleaning up.

2. Yes she was dressed inappropriately but that doesn't mean she was a bad nanny. You should have still scene how she behaved with the children and if you liked her after that day then ask her to dress more appropriately the next day.

3. I agree that she has a possessive boyfriend and that it would not be good for the kids.

4. Smell, it doesn't mean she is bad with kids. Maybe she has a problem?

5. The manny. He was good with the kids. Did you talk to him about his eating disorder? That doesn't make him a bad manny.

6.I agree with letting this one go. She lied to you. But why were you allowing a nanny on a week trial to bring your girls anywhere?

You act like you had horrible, horrible trials but these don't really seem that bad at all. It seems like life and you may just be a little too picky! It seems like out of 6 trials, there were 2 horrible ones.

thejewishnanny said...

h said...
I have a problem with some of the comments. I guess most of you think ideally a child should pick up after themselves. Well, applause to you. But this is not your home and these are not your children. This is this poster's position and she has every right to have things done her way, whether or not you think they are correct or not. Remember, you are nannies- not rocket scientists.~~~

And you are a SAHM who sucks your hubbys wang once a week so you dont have to get a job! Um, we get paid for what you do for free so shut up, bitch!

Nervous Nanny said...

So I'm thinking thejewishnanny is a troll. Just saying.

Former au pair said...

The only real objection I had was nanny 1. I agree with the majority of the posters- 3&5 yr olds should start learning to pick up after themselves! But that's all. I think the op was fine in all the other cases.

Sakeena said...

THe first nanny was completely correct. She shouldn't have spoken to you the way she did. You are ridiculous thinking that your children shouldn't learn to clean up after themselves. She is a nanny, not your maid.

Jacqui said...

I don't believe the OP handled any of those situations in the way she claimed to.

I have an issue with her attitude in general and as I said, I really don't believe that her side of these stories tells even HALF of what happened. However, the smelly nanny is pretty gross, regardless of how OP handled it. A nanny's personal hygeine would absolutely effect my hiring decision. Also, the manny with the alleged eating disorder. Chances are he probably does have some sort of issue with eating. It's pretty easy to tell when a man, especially a young man, has an eating disorder. I think she was within her rights to judge him accordingly, but only because of his potential influence on her children, their self esteem and their eating habits. Perceptions of body image is a foundation that needs to be layed at an early age, and even if this manny tried to keep his problems private, there would undoubtedly be things he did that the kids would pick up on.

Thejewishnanny said...

Not a troll, just not a slave~

Rocket Scientist said...

Jacqui, you're my favorite. Always level-headed and a good perspective :)

Also, I kind of love this moniker. It's funny. And a friend of mine from university is actually the son of a rocket scientist. His father is just about the most down-to-earth, easy to get along with person ever. So with him as an example...being rich, an expert, a genius, or what have you, does not preclude a person from also being a decent human being.

Thanks, h, for the indirect inspiration.

world's best nanny said...

Professional Organizer? Will there ever be end to the amount of crap people are willing to pay for? As every nanny here knows the sooner they learn to pick up, the better. Nanny #1 was the keeper OP and you missed it because your nose was so high in the air it had snow it! You know were you can stick your professional organizer!

Miss said...

All I can say is:

The first nanny would have whipped YOU and YOUR KIDS into shape, it's a shame you let her go.

She definitely knew her stuff. KIDS MAKE MESSES, and then you teach them to clean it up.

A professional organizer? Really? They are kids, and it's a playroom... you need a sabbatical

oh well said...

Having a kid clean up is actually more work (but also, I agree, more educational) than clean up on one's own.
If for whatever reason I said that my kids would not be cleaning the room to a prospective nanny, and the nanny told me that they should help her, I do not think I would be hiring her. And if she then need to tell me that she was not a housekeeper, then I would definitely not hire her.

? said...

oh well:

yes it is more work! But being a good parent takes work. I guess you would know that if you were a good parent.

And God forbid you hire a nanny who has a mind of her own, is intelligent enough to understand child development, and does not allow herself to be treated with disrespect by her employer.

Beezus said...

To OhWell--

Good thing you wouldn't hire a nanny who doesn't want to be a housekeeper, since that isn't what a nanny is. That makes sense! You must be smart.

I mean, I certainly wouldn't hire painter to do my plumbing...

Beezus said...

And I wouldn't hire someone illiterate to be my proofreader, lol.

*A painter. Hehe, hoho.

CrankyBk said...

"I explained to her that the playroom was ogranized by a professional organizer and everything needed to go back just so. .."

And, there goes my coffee, all over my keyboard. Is this a troll post? It's quite funny.

WOW said...

okay the first nanny who you had a trial run had a fair point...a 3 and a 5 year old are CAPABLE of cleaning up after themselves, I nanny for a 2 1/2 year old and he gladly puts things away IN THE PLACES THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO GO. Yeah, the nanny should help too and guide the kids on where things are kept, but to take the kids out completely during the cleaning process is ridiculous and those kids will not learn to take responsibility for their own messes...

The second nanny you had a trial run for probably could have been a great nanny...too bad you're too judgmental and just dismissed her right away. What about mention to her that she should dress in more comfy clothes to keep up with your kids as being a nanny is an active job. I'd be really offended if I didn't get a nanny position because of my earrings, shame on you.

the third one is unfortunate, too bad she's in an abusive relationship, I understand not having that around your kids. this one is a fair one to let go, I suppose.

the fourth unprofessional of you! you ignored her calls? My god lady...grow up. If she was a good nanny, at least give her the respect of answering the phone to tell her that you were going in a different direction.

the manny one, you have no idea if he really was having an eating disorder, sometimes people are just skinny. I nanny from 8 to 5 and I don't eat at their house. I have a big breakfast at home, I'm good until I get home. Don't fire soemone based on how they eat, isn't it more important that he is giving your children food. I'd be concerned if he wasn't doing that, and did you take the time to notice if he had energy? If he was a marvel with your kids, I assume he did.

overall, I think you're too picky and overly judgmental. I would not want to work for you.

WOW said...


I do eat and the family is more then willing to let me eat their food, but instead I drink coffee most of the day while I'm there. I just don't feel that hungry usually, some people aren't hungry all the time.

Rocket Scientist said...

(So this thread is pretty much over, but I can't sleep...)

I find it very interesting that OP hasn't said word one on this discussion. If she were as "oh-so-justified" in her actions as she claims to be, wouldn't she have defended herself by now? Perhaps she got some sense knocked into her from some of these comments. Perhaps she is as cowardly as she is condescending. Or, as others have ventured to guess, perhaps she made it all up just to badmouth nannies in general.

Anni said...

I am so glad that the OP here is a doctor who not only doesn't realize that if a child can walk with something in their hand, they can assist with cleaning, but that being thin = anorexic.

I've been screamed at by mothers for daring to eat on their time. Take your backseat diagnoses elsewhere.