Floored and Pissed...

Tuesday. October 12, 2010
Opinion 4 I have been working with my family for over 5 1/2 years now! We have a pretty good relationship, or so I thought! Mom normally tells me everything, even private matters and dad is quiet but always pleasant.
I am working 11 hour + days and am more of a personal assistant than nanny, as I tend to everything that regard the children, as well as shopping, taking the pets to the vet, helping out in their office, etc.

I get 14 days of paid vacation, 5 sick days and normally get all federal holidays off.

Well, I forgot that it was a holiday yesterday and came to work in the morning as usual. The dad was home and did not mention anything, but send the kids off to school with me (they go to a private school and did not have the day off). I then proceeded to go to the office to help out, only to find the office closed! When I text the mom and tell that I am going home, since obviously it is a holiday and everyone else is off, she tells me that i will need to pick up the kids from school, since the office will be open in the afternoon and all employees will be working a half day. As much as I would have liked to have the whole day off, I agree with her to work a half day, since I thought if the other employees have to work a half day it was only fair for me to do the same.

Well, to make a long story short, the mom totally lied to me! I just talked to the office employees and found out that they were off the whole day and that there was never a plan to open the office in the afternoon!

I was floored. Why does the mom have to lie to me? The dad was home the whole day, the mom was home in the afternoon. They could have taken care of the children no problem (mind you, one of the kids only got out of school at 5 pm).

I am beyond pissed that they would go behind my back to make me work on a holiday that I am supposed to be off.

Should I confront them about that? Should I ask for double pay, since I was not supposed to work? Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!


Piscespets said...

I don't really think yesterday was a federal holiday. A lot of people had to work. She shouldn't have lied though for sure!

Bostonnanny said...

columbus day is a federal holiday. However, some personal in the medical field, government and public services do not have it off.
I personally never get columbus day off because I work for doctors, but I receive every other holiday and unlimited personal days.

I understand its frustrating and very upsetting but I wouldn't make a huge deal about it. Dust off the contract re read the paid holiday section and request to be paid time and a half for the hours worked.

If they put up a stink about it then weigh your options, next time look at a calendar.

Rocket Scientist said...

I agree with Bostonnanny. If you are otherwise happy with this position, don't rock the boat too much. If it is in your contract you should mention it, as you don't want to start a pattern of allowing employers to take advantage of you. One day's worth of misunderstanding wouldn't be enough for me to look elsewhere, unless perhaps when you mention it to them, your employers are completely unreasonable or uncaring. (Even then, in this economy you may be better off staying where you are...) Good luck!

Anonymous said...

I would let it pass. You are the one who reported to work on a holiday. I bet you won't forget Columbus Day next year!

Anonymous said...

PS I should add, I used to be a banker, and I forgot Columbus Day repeatedly. I could never plan a three day weekend because I always forgot, and on Friday my office mates would say, see you Tuesday, and that's when I would remember. It's an ill placed odd duck holiday. I'd rather have Christmas Eve off.

babyrn said...

I think you should mention it to the mom. Maybe even try to phrase it in a way that you are saying "did you forget? or were you misinformed? or how not like her it was to do that! Then at least you won't stew about it. and hopefully she will not try it again and perhaps she will do the right thing and compensate you! Good Luck!!!

babyrn said...

PS..maybe also say to the mom that you want her to know that care about the job, family that if she needs help that she should feel comfortable talking with you.And that you would do whatever you could! Maybe then she will realize that she is lucky to have someone like you!

Tiny said...

Most nannies don't get bank holidays off. BUT, most nannies don't work 11+ hour days - that seems excessive. I'd be more concerned about that, honestly.

I'd check my contract and then decide what to do. Are you supposed to have Columbus day off? Then suggest that you be paid time and a half for the hours you did work. Are you not supposed to have Columbus Day off? Then you should discuss how to handle such situation in the future.

Observer said...

"I am beyond pissed that they would go behind my back to make me work on a holiday that I am supposed to be off."

I'll take your job in a heartbeat.

Mary said...

Mom was wrong to lie to you: to me, that shows her lack of character and I would not want to work for her based on that alone. If she lied to you about that, what else has she lied about?

The first red flag I saw with this mom is she discusses "private matters" with you. That is unprofessional. You can let it pass, sure, but at the end of the day you will still be working with someone who is unprofessional and who you cannot trust.

TC said...

If they have never done this before in all the time you've worked for them then I would let it go this time.

She was 100% in the wrong for lying to you but you shoulder part of the blame for showing up on a day you weren't supposed to.

VAnanny said...

Tiny, I too worked a MINIMUM of 12 hours at all of my jobs. As a live-in, I worked more. I only part-time nanny now so the hours are considerably less.

MissMannah said...

I wouldn't want to jump to conclusions about lying...it is a serious accusation. Maybe the office was meant to be open the half-day but then the mom realised it wouldn't be worth it and sent the other employees home? Or texted them and told them not to come in after all. There's a lot that could have happened because we don't know the parents' side of the story. OP, be rational. You seem to have a great job that you enjoy, so maybe you and the parents just need to clarify which holidays you have off and which you don't. In my last contract, we wrote out exactly which holidays I'd have off (it was only the main 6) and I planned on working the others but usually the parents would surprise me with a text the day before and tell me not to come in.

Sorry, that was a bit rambly. I just don't want you to do anything rash and potentially lose your job.

NannyM said...

Maybe she and her husband had a hot date, with kids and busy schedules, you need to fit the romance in wherever you can.

I'm agreed that she should not have lied to you, but I don't think 1 instance in 5 1/2 years is a deal breaker.

Sensible Nanny Here... said...

It seems to me that the mother is one of those parents that is so used to having a nanny around during the daytime, that she just does not want to tend to the children herself..after all if she has a nanny at her disposal and can afford to pay her,then why not use her? Especially if it is during the work week.
It sucks that she lied to you, but as a Nanny, I have had families lie to me too. Usually "small" lies..but lies none the less. You know the economy is very rough and finding a nanny job in this job market is very challenging, so I would let this pass. Sure it sucks and the trust may now be broken, but I would just suck it up and keep working for her. Something like this is not worth quitting over and if you really need the money which I am sure you do, you must stick it out. If the job climate were better, I would say look elsewhere, but I am just being realistic here.

Lila said...

I agree with Rocket scientist that you should mention it if your contract specifically states that you get federal holidays off. If not, ask for a list of holidays in writing before the start of the next year "so you can make plans".

MN Nanny said...

I think every parent I've nannied for has lied to me about their whereabouts at one time or another. Putting scrubs over board shorts (to hit the beach), packing a gym bag with golfing clothes (no, I didn't dig through their things-they left the bag splayed open in the garage).

I think it's a matter of them feeling guilty for wanting alone time when they aren't working. Or, they just don't think you're owed that paid time off, so they lie. Whatever it is, I can see both sides. But it's always weird when you figure it out.

I wouldn't say anything myself, but then again, I rarely stand up for myself in those situations, and the anger festers and boils. Not good. Maybe just tell her you're confused/hurt/want to clarify the holiday schedule.

Good luck!

alex said...

She definitely shouldn't have lied to you! That is VERY rude! I don't think Columbus Day is a day most people have off, but still. I think you should at least mention it. Although, it depends on the relationship you have with them. I don't think it was a big deal with you having to work, my deal is with her lying.

NVMom-movedtoTX said...

I think the OP's issue here is really more about the lie than the holiday.

If I were you, OP, I would weigh the situation of the lie versus your overall job satisfaction, etc. Do you think this was an isolated case? If so, I'd probably let it pass. Maybe your employer thought a somewhat 'white' lie was better than admitting she might have imposed on you rather than letting you go home.
Take a wait and see. If this sort of thing happens again, or with more frequency then I would begin to think of changing jobs.

my two cents said...

I am surprised at how many people would want to write this off as not a big deal.

I employ a part-time nanny. I struggle to pay her, since I am single mother and low income to say the least. My child is special needs and I just was not satisfied with the other daycare options available to her: I felt she needed one on one when she is not in school. Our nanny is wonderful and we love her. I employ her so that I can work and support my daughter: I would never think of using her for "fun." I need her for childcare so that I can work, not so that I can go on a "hot date."

I would certainly never lie to her about my whereabouts.

She gets paid for all holidays without question. If I am off, she is off and gets paid. I respect her as an equal. She takes wonderful care of my child.

If I could spend every waking moment with my child, I would. It is such a luxury to be able to spend time with your children, especially when they are small. Why would you not want to spend your day off with your child, especially when you work full time normally? It baffles me how selfish some people are. Why have children at all if you are forever trying to get time away from them?

I think lying sucks. And lying to the nanny about something she could very easily check out (and did!) says to me that the mom thinks the nanny is stupid and does not respect her. I don't care if she has been working for her for five or even ten years: sometimes it takes that long for someone's true colors to show. It is a complete lack of respect. It is not about the day off: it is about the dishonesty.

thejewishnanny said...

Are you Italian and proud of the way Columbus raped th Native Americans~if not then it is not your holiday, so shut up, bitch!

cold nanny said...

Damn, jewish nanny, you need to take a holiday ~~ in a looney bin!

Classy not trashy said...

Wow, how long are the moderators going to allow Jewish nanny to end every post with "shut up b****". I thought that I had read somewhere on here that trolls are not welcome or tolerated.

Anonymous said...

I would not quit this job or do anything rash... but have a talk with your employer/s for sure! Start with asking/clarifying which holidays you are supposed to have off and go from there. Feel them out and if the discussion leads you to ask about Columbus Day, then do so but I can tell you first hand that the nanny job market is ROUGH. I got let go from a job with only 1 weeks notice and LUCKILY found a great full time job but when all said and done I will have almost a 3 month gap without full time work AND had to take a pay decrease! Good Luck OP and I hope your employers listen and understand where you are coming from.

MN Nanny,
I am a nanny in MN as well!!! Would love to connect with you and chat about activities/job stuff in the area. If you are interested, let me know!!! :)

Anonymous said...

Sorry... I posted above but my phone won't let me pick a moniker today for some reason :/

Used said...

I'm with the OP on this one. I've tried working for people like this before, except it happened allllll the time.

In the OP's case, the dad was home all day. He can handle picking up his own children for one day, no?

The mother should have said 'silly me and silly you for forgetting the holiday! Dad is home all day and can pick up, go on home!'

I am the kind of person who is willing to nanny for full-time working parents ONLY. When they are not working, I expect not to work unless I am asked in advanced as a special agreement, as they should be spending time with their children when they can. The sole adult in their lives should not be 'the nanny'. Far too many parents take advantage of nannies. (There is one exception in the comments above--we love people like you! :) )

I would never work for a SAHM or D, or even 'work from home' parents, because that is not what I wish to do. And that's my choice to make, because I see what some 'work from home' parents do, and it's anything but 'work'.

I am so tired of parents who want a nanny to literally raise their children while they are sleeping in til noon or dicking around on facebook all day...and then ask you to stay late! In that case, they need to go out and get a job to give the nanny a raise, or try to raise their own children during the day and hire a baby-sitter for extra stuff.

Lazy, selfish parents are the worst. They are out there, though,and I am sure someone would be willing to work for them, but that person is not me.

There is no worse feeling than being used and feeling resentful when you work within a family setting. I understand it's still 'employment' but, really, it's a partnership, and the end result (the well-being of the CHILDREN) should be a collaboration. And if it's not, well, then, good luck with that. I won't deal with it.

I know everyone needs a break, but really? When a parent is at home not working and you're still there, it's like you're doing two jobs--yours AND theirs. It's sad really, and the parents who act like their children are their world and they wish they could spend more time with them, but then keep you as long as they possibly can, til the very last minute whether they need you or not, are so beyond full of shit.

I am speaking through experience. I know this is not everyone's experience, opinion, or ideal situation. This has been MINE. Take it as you will.

Bananular said...

I just wrote out a huge thing and it didn't post and now it's gone. lol.

I'm with the OP on this one.

So basically, I'll make it short this time and say that working for lazy, lying parents who have no business raising children sucks. If you need free time away from your children, get a baby-sitter, not a nanny. If you need so much time away from your children that you need a nanny, don't have children at all. The end.

Bananular said...

Oh...it did post? WTF? It said the URL was too large or something. And it gave me the name 'Used'.

Okay, well in any case, now it's all there for your enjoyment, lol.

Phoenix said...

Just FYI - it was a federal holdiay. everything federal was closed. Most bank branches were open but it was like a saturday. I had to work. It is not an observed take off the day holiday unless you are a federal employee.

Get over it

Lila said...

My Two Cents, your child may qualify for social security (SSI) and in-house special services (IHSS)due to her disability. If you google these terms, you can the appropriate government websites. You can get paid yourself or hire someone of your choosing to care for your child with the IHSS. Good luck!

MN Nanny said...

Hey Anonymous! :)

I'd love to chat! I recently left my full-time, "professional" position (not knocking any nannies, just saying I was in a formal position and now I'm in a relaxed one) for something part-time (went back to school), but it would be fun to talk! I'm in the Twin Cities area!

My e-mail is kelliesjelly03@hotmail.com

TheJewishnanny said...

Not a troll, just cant with evil or whiny bitches~ Deal!

Right on my2cents! said...

My two cents. I am not a nanny, but I do provide child care. I can honestly say I wish more parents were like you. You are a parent who actually UNDERSTANDS that children should be important to parents. And not only that you are stepping up to the plate to be the best mom you can be. You made my day, to hear that there are parents out there, who put the needs of their child before their 'me time'. There are not many parents like you left.

The other MN nanny said...

Thanks MN nanny!!! I am going to email you right now =)

Phoenix said...

THere was a study done about women with postpartum depression. It said and I quote the dr. "Your first priority is you, the second is your husband and the third is your child." If you and your husband are not happy then your child will not be happy no matter how you try to arange it. Most women freak out and say that is so cold. But if you think really hard about the damages an unhappy you and unhappy partner can cause greater distress. Always take time out for you. But like there are always the flip side that doesn't mean ignoring your child.

Just thought I'd throw that it in there.

Halloween poems said...

She should not have lied but she might have had a good reason. Even if she did not, I would probably let it go. Employers have done worse things.

Crissy Missy said...

Here, Here My Two Cents!!! FINALLY a compassionate parent. You are right it is very hard to find good, reliable, and HONEST help!I see some really bad nannies all the time, and it's sad! I am glad you were able to find an amazing nanny for your daughter, and that you respect your nanny as a human. I know things are tough finacially but over time things will get better, Lila has some great advice keep us posted if it is an option that helps:)Also I am so glad to hear your daughter is thriving and doing well and your nanny is a great asset to her life:)

As a nanny myself I have been in this postion way too many times. It's frustrating, and a double standard. I believe in this case it's more about the lying or not being straight forward with the nanny than getting the day off. Why have a written agreement if it's not honored right? I strongly feel that if we nannies are not to take advantage of our positions than the Employers (the parents,) should also not take advantage of the nannies service too. I feel most parents don't feel because they pay us we deserve basic common curtesy and respect. Respect is a two way street. After all we nannies give a million percent everyday so should the employers! Team work makes everything run smoothly! If we lied about our whereabouts or taking a sick day when we are not then they would have no problem telling the nanny how they feel about it or docking pay right? I can understand the frustration.

In my opinion you should look at your contract first, make sure you have federal holidays off and if you do then talk to your boss calmly. Start by saying, "I am not sure you are aware but I worked Columbus Day and since I typically get federal holidays and worked that day perhaps I could be paid time and a half?" See where the converstation takes you from there. If says you showed up or they forgot and they will not pay for it, then calmly say "we had a written agreement, and it says that I get those days off so since I worked I should be comp. for it." I would take this time to maybe rewrite your contract stating these specifics. This way you are not accusing your boss of lying and you can talk things out as adults instead of holding grudges and being taken advatage of or lied to.

-and to thejewishnanny, I see you are fed up and like to vent but for Pete's sake watch your language and be kind!!! You are way out of line with your comments! Ever here of using constructive critcism instead?!

cali mom said...

I've never had Columbus Day off from any job. It's a mail holiday, banks are closed and usually a school holiday but that's it. Could it be that the mom and dad miscommunicated and she thought they were going to be open for part of the day?

cali mom said...

And I just have to add...if you decide to quit over this, there will surely be at least a dozen or so qualified people happy to take over for you in a heartbeat.

Anonymous said...

OP here,

Thanks for all the advice!
I have since let the issue go and have not discussed it with my bosses.
Yes, it is stated in my contract that I am to be off for Columbus Day, but this is the first time something like this has happened and I am willing to forget about it!
I am still angry that my boss would lie to me though! There were definetely no plans on opening the office half day, as my boss gave every office employee the day off and never mentioned anything to them about possibly working in the afternoon. I just don't understand why she would deceive me like that. She should have just come to me and disussed with me that she wanted me to work that day and we could have figured out a way, so everyone would have been happy!
Needless to say, I have been with them for a long time and I will be leaving next year to start raising my first child, so of course I will not quit my job over this. I love the kids and will miss them dearly when I leave, so I hope to spend those last few months with them without any more issues like that.

scooby doo said...

if its in your contract with the family then it is wrong of them, but if its not in your contract then by all means, it could have been a miscomunication, maybe they thought you wanted the extra hours?