I have been a nanny for this family for 5 years.I do not have a written contract .Yeah, I know ... I should have a contract ... but the mom owns her business and none of her employees have contracts. I tried to discuss the issue with her a couple of times, but she always says that there is no need for one.
Anyways ... 2 years ago I had asked for my first raise, since I had not gotten one the years before. She gave me a generous raise and also discussed vacation time and sick days. I received vacation time and 5 paid sick days, which I took as personal time off over last years holidays.
Well, now coming to the point: I still have a few sick days left this year. I asked her a couple days ago if it was okay for me to take those days off over the Christmas holidays (they are at home anyways and have family coming to help out, so I thought it was a great time for me to take off). She tells me that she has no recollection of me getting paid sick days and that I need to help out over Christmas. I was shocked and told her that I did get 5 days last year and assumed I was getting the same amount this year. She counters by saying that to the best of her knowledge, I have only taken 2 days off sick in the last 2 years. Weird??? I know I have not taken the sick days as "sick" days, but instead as PTO. So, what's her point?
Anyhow, they just moved this week and now need my help over the weekend with getting things situation. The dad just send me a text asking me to do all those things for them on Saturday (I am off over the weekend). The last sentence he wrote was : "of course you can take the days off".
Now, I am not sure if he has discussed this with his wife. The two do not communicate very well and I have not heard anything from the wife regarding my days off. She normally makes all those decisions. What should I do? Should I just take dad's word and not say anything until the time comes for me to take off? Should I ask the mom if she is okay with that? Please, I need some advice. I don't want to start a fight between the two of them with me in the middle. I don't want to lose my job over this. What do I do?
12 comments:
I would call/email the dad (texting is too short and you want a clear response) and clarify what he meant. Make sure he meant that you can take the sick days you asked about. If he says yes, and you have never been told that you ONLY listen to mom, then I would take them. (I would probably also say something the day before you are off about "see you on _____" to the mom to make sure she realizes.)
Making an end run around the one who always makes the decision is a BAD idea and just ticks them off. Making it worse for you down the road. DO get any response by E-mail to clarify the days off and ensure the mom knows about it.
She has a different recollection then you do since your working under the table. She is in the "right", even though you may actually be right about days you have taken off. Why? Because, you do not have a written contract and she pays you. What ever she gives you is what she gives you becuase she wants too.
I would suggest you get a written contract for the upcoming year. Even though you have never had one, it will help to eliminate any problems like this in the future. If she continues to "refuse" a written contract, that should be a red flag for you. Whether you work under the table, or on the books, a written contract is a must have for both of you. If you have been there for 5 years, it sounds like you two have a decent working relationship. Talk to her.... if you explain your points of wanting a contract, and also the time off you want to use, she will mot likely be understanding of your concerns.
CuriousDad, I don't believe OP stated she is off the books, just that she has no contract.
OP, I know you don't want to lose your job, but I think from my experience and those of people I know, when things like this start to happen, it is usually the beginning of the end.
However, if you really want to keep this job, I think you're gonna have to make some sacrifices. Clarify the days you would like off. Then give a "concession." Ex: I can come in on such-and-such a Saturday or stay late on these days to help you set up the new house or whatever. I know a lot of people will disagree that you should go above and beyond, but unfortunately that's what you have to do when you don't have a contract (I know because I've been there).
CuriousDad - working without a contract does NOT mean working under the table. My first nanny job didn't have a contract (because I didn't know that was how it worked) but I still paid my taxes and worked legally.
OP - I think you need to clarify and get it in writing about these days off. Get a contract for next year, and if the parents won't, I would get everything in writing, including how many sick days and vacation days you are supposed to have, and each time you use one. Even if it's just sending an email and keeping the emails in a folder, so that the next time you'll have proof.
Umm, Where did I say she was working under the table? Under the table or not for you to get anything beyond basic labor law requirements you need a contract. Including paid days off or any off time.
Show me a Labor law that says you have to have X days off in a year. The only one I can think of is the FMLA guaranteed ones. I am unsure if she qualifies for even that one. And that only guarauntees your job not your pay for time off.
CuriousDad said...
"She has a different recollection then you do since your working under the table"
I would definitely NOT just take Dad's word. For example, my husband is pretty useless when it comes to remembering our nanny's contract, hours, and even to pay her - no way would I want my nanny taking his word! I would address it when both parents are in the room together and say that you are a bit confused given the different information. Not sure if I'm misinterpreting part of your post, but it sounds like you are assuming your sick days can also be used as personal days and Mom is not. Most families I know do "unlimited" sick days for their nanny which do not automatically pay out or cross over to personal days. We purposely phrase it differently as 5 sick/personal days to be paid out if unused by year end, specifically to avoid the confusion you are encountering. And also to encourage planned days off and incentivize not taking last minute, unneeded sick days.
I think this issue needs to be clarified IN WRITING but also needs to ensure both parents are on the same page. Can you copy both on an email or get them both in the room at once?
I also strongly second the idea that you insist on a Work Agreement going forward. You do not have to call it a "contract," but I would take the burden upon yourself of writing up a basic work agreement and spelling out your understanding of vacation, sick, overtime, etc. You can say you just want to put it in writing to avoid future confusion, and this will give them the opportunity to provide their interpretation. This way you'll have a Work Agreement even though MB won't think of it as a "contract." GL!
working without a contract.
Your right I did say that. What I wrote and what I intended to write were to different things. Even when I reread what I wrote, I missed that. My apologies.
Now is your chance. This confusion and miscommunication is what a contract is meant to avoid. Present it to your employer as a way to make sure there are no similar misunderstandings in the future. Prepare a contract that you can present to her, and ask her if she has any suggestions for changes or additions. If she is still reluctant to sign a contract, I would take that as an ominous sign of trouble ahead.
( You can find a number of sample nanny contracts on line.)
I agree with everyone here who says you need a contract. Even you agree you need one and it is the mom who is refusing. You need to get tough with her and demand one. Tell her it will protect her and yourself, which is exactly its purpose. Make sure she realises you don't want a contract so you can wrangle more benefits out of her than is necessary. If she still refuses, I'd say look for another family because she's obviously not trying to make your employment fair for everyone.
It's usually the women who are in charge- so I doubt I'd go for just the dad's word- though you could take his word and plead ignorance- after all he is also your employer.
You really could just let them work out that particular problem themselves.
Of course you run the risk of your female employer thinking you really are not at all perceptive- a skill highly needed in this nannying profession
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