Saturday

A(nother) Freaky Mom

Received Saturday, July 25, 2009
Perspective and Opinion on ISYN I have kind of a strange problem that is in two parts actually. I am a high school graduate going away to school in the fall and this summer I have been doing a lot of babysitting. One of the reg. gigs I have is with two super kids. I got the job from the Church where I sometimes helped in the nursery. That is how I came to meet the parents. We live in a fairly affluent small town. I have probably babysat ten times this summer. The problem is the Mom is creeping me out. The father is either at work or she is going to meet him for dinner or he comes home to get her, so he is not a factor. What is a factor is that she has me come over early so I am there when she is getting ready. This is her husband of more than 10 years. She goes out of her way to call me in to her room when she is dressing or to come out half dressed and give me instructions that I don't need. She has my put necklaces on her, zip up dresses and wait while she tries on a new top. Today she tried on three new bras for me. The boys are playing videogames nearby, but it is totally creepy. There is no reason she needs to do this and no reason that she would put so much effort in to going out to local places in town with her husband. I have decided that I don't want to be in this position anymore and am going to tell her tomorrow night that I have a regular gig for the rest of the summer. She is going to ask me for names of friends of mine. I do have friends of mine who do babysit, but I want to warn them about her behavior which seems super sexual to me. I am 17 and most of my friends are my age or younger. This information is true and really happening, could I get in to any trouble from warning people about it? This woman is VERY intimidating. She has also complimented my legs on more than one occasion.

16 comments:

NannyJ said...

I really do not know, as I am not there and am not experiencing it...but it sounds to me like she might just be really comfortable with you/needs a friend. You probably remind her of "back in the day" when she and her friends would try on bras together and help each other get dressed before they go out. I'm not saying that would make it right...but less creepy. But really, I don't know.

Just tell your friends she is really friendly, maybe a little too friendly... don't go around saying that she is hitting on you etc. If nothing else, it could lead to hurt feelings.

Manhattan Nanny said...

Listen to your instincts. If this is making you so uncomfortable that you want to give up the job, it probably isn't a job you want to recommend friends for. If you were older, I would say tell your friends what you told us, and let them decide if they can handle it. Since you are seventeen, I would suggest you tell the mom all your friends who want jobs have found them, After all, it is the middle of the summer already.

follow this link said...

This story is kind of like that but the Mom tried to own the then teenage babysitter and make him her love slave.

MinuteMuggle said...

I think what is happening with the mom is innocent enough. But MN is right: trust your instincts and if you are uncomfortable by all means leave the job! Everybody has their comfort zone and if it is out of your comfort zone to watch your employer try on bras, then you do not have to do that! You could even approach her and tell her that you are uncomfortable when she compliments your body and when she is trying on clothes for you. You do have the right to tell her that, although I understand if you don't want to.

The other part to your post regarding how the mom has "no reason that she would put so much effort in to going out to local places in town with her husband." Well. That is really not your concern. It doesn't make her a bad person if she wants to look nice for her husband so that is really not your issue.

As far as gossiping to your friends about her, that is your call. I don't believe in gossiping about my employers so I would not do it personally. If it is a very close friend of yours, that is one thing. But the "warning" people about her when she really has done nothing against you may be a little overboard. As I said, that is your call. Good luck, Op!

Been There said...

If you're uncomfortable then you shouldn't work for her anymore but there really isn't anything unusual about her behavior. Some people are super conservative and others aren't and I have met all kinds.

I come from a super conservative family, where not even we sisters would think of changing our blouses in front of each other so I was really creeped out when I went to a friends house one day when I was about 15 and the mom was running around in her slip and bra. She laughed and said "We're all girls here" then shed her bra and slip for a moo moo type thing, let me tell you, I was shocked and thought she was some sort of perv freak! I am a bit older now and realize she was simply a more free spirit than I was used to.

I am older now and although I'm still fairly modest my daughter and I are a lot less reserved around each other. I have also learned that women feel comfortable around other women, even complete strangers. I no longer think it's odd when a woman in a fitting room askes if the bra she's trying on looks good, sexy or whatever.

It sounds to me like this woman is looking for a younger woman's opinion on things, maybe so she seems trendy. From what I understand even underwear styles go in and out of fashion, though I don't usually pay much attention to that sort of thing. :D

MinuteMuggle said...

good post, been there!

not so sure said...

Yes, OP, listen to your instincts. I would feel differently if you were older, but it's weird to me that this woman in her 30's (I'm assuming here, but you said married for 10 years) is treating you like her friend in trying on underwear, etc. It might not be sexual, but it's still weird to me. With my contemporaries/friends I might do things like that, but not with someone more than 10 years younger than I am who was there to care for my children.

Just Me said...

Aside from the fact that the woman is creeping you out with the sexual stuff, I just wanted to say that while I am only 23, I've been with my husband for 7 years. We've been married for 2 of those years and every date that we go out on we dress nice and really enjoy it. I see no problem with dressing nice for dates, no matter how frequent or simple.
On the other side, if I had a babysitter over while I was still getting dressed, I'd have the bedroom door closed!!

mom said...

I think too much time is spent trying to convince young women to ignore what their guts are telling them.
Everybody is familiar with the type of scenario where friends innocently try on clothes for one another...and because those are truly innocent friendly experiences, we do not feel creeped out by them. (Although I hafta say that if I wanted to check out a cute bra or panties with a friend, we simply held them up to one another and did not make one another view them actually on our bodies...or especially not change into them in front of one another...that seems a little overboard ot me.) The fact that this girl feels creeped out and that this is sexual may very well mean that the mom is putting out that vibe. That's what our instincts are for. If we all listened to our own guts a little more and stopped letting ourselves and others talk us out of what we feel, we would all probably avoid a lot more sticky situations.

Even if this woman is a bit free spirited about covering her body up, she has lived among humans long enough by now to realize that people have different modesty levels and that, because of that, it is only appropriate to cover herself up...especially in the presence of a young girl, who any adult ought to realize may feel uncomfortable. And what's with the legs compliments? At minimum, this lady lacks boiundaries and a bit of judgment.

OP, get your mom's opinion, and do NOT recommend yur friends for this job. It is unfair to them to put them in a position where you yourself are too uncomfortable to be. Tell your employer that all of your friends who you feel are responsible enough to babysit already had full time summer jobs.
And from now on, trust your own gut.
All of you might be very interested in a book called "Blink." Although a bit dry, it is filled with scientific data that proves that our instincts kick in WAY before our conscious mind realizes danger may be present. It is very compelling and it will have you all thinking twice about ignoring the next time the hair raises up on the back of your neck.

mom said...

PS Probably most of us moms get a bit excited for a night on the town with out husbands and probably do spend a bit of time trying to look extra nice...even for small outings that might seem insignificant to somebody who is not normally covered in oatmeal handprints and chocolate kisses all day long.

Dixie Girl said...

Ny boss does that on a daily basis. And I lie threw my teeth and tell her she looks fine..HAHAH!

oh well said...

good post, mom, I too really like "Blink". OP, you should trust your instincts and leave but please do not go around saying that this woman is a perv - careless talk can do a lot of harm, and some people just love to spread nasty rumors. I am totally ready to accept that she is only a free spirit longing for companionship, but the point is that you feel uncomfortable and that you should not have to find yourself in a situation where you feel uncomfortable. If she asks about your friends, just be vague and say that your friends are away or busy this summer.

let's get real said...

First off, let me introduce this by saying I am a woman. I think it's interesting that if the OP was talking about a creepy DAD complimenting her legs or walking around half naked in front of her, everyone would probably be in an uproar, telling her to get out as soon as possible and talking about what a creepy perv he must be. Why is everyone giving the creepy mother the benefit of the doubt? I agree with Mom's post...this girl's instincts are telling her to be weirded out, so she should go with her gut. Women can be creepy pervs too!

MinuteMuggle said...

that is very true, get real. however, there is a big difference. it may be sexist, but it's just life. girls try on clothes in front of each other. do you honestly think that it is the same thing if a dad said "how do you like these boxers?" come on. there is a big difference.

mom said...

Minute Muggle,
I think it is different only in the sense that if it were a man the breach would be cut and dry obvious and the nanny would know for certain that a violation was taking place....whereas when it's a woman there is a potential gray area...which only serves to leave the poor girl wondering whether the skeeviness of the situation is intended to be so, or only a misunderstanding.

I still think either way, it was the responsibility of the mom involved to keep her frickin' clothes on in front of her young, teenage employee. This poor girl is not her friend, or her peer.

Here's a simple rule: Don't undress in front of anybody unless you are sure that everybody involved is completely comfortable with the situation. Every adult ought to be mature enough to realize that we all have different levels of modesty and that there may be some people who do not want to see us model our undies.

MinuteMuggle said...

agreed, mom. I think it is inappropriate considering the girl's age.