I have a slight problem. I've taken care of two boys for two years now. The family is lovely and we all get along well. However, one thing has been bothering me for awhile. I pick up the youngest boy (8 years old) from school and bring him back to the house using public transport. The parents do not give me subway/bus tickets for him and expect him to slip through the turnstile with me. All children over the age of 4 are supposed to have a ticket and are eligible for a reduced fare. The older boy, who comes home alone, has a subway pass. The little boy uses tickets when he goes to school in the morning with his father. I can't understand why there is that inconsistency! They aren't billionaires but they don't seem to have any money problems. I'm sure if I was ever stopped and fined for him not having a ticket they'd reimburse me, but that's not the point. I don't like that we are breaking the rules and I think it's irresponsible and not a good example to do this with my charge. But can I demand that the parents give him tickets? Is that my place? Maybe it isn't a big deal and I should just ask but I don't want to seem accusatory.
Saturday
This Might Seem Petty, But it's Still Wrong...
Received Saturday, June 27, 2009
I have a slight problem. I've taken care of two boys for two years now. The family is lovely and we all get along well. However, one thing has been bothering me for awhile. I pick up the youngest boy (8 years old) from school and bring him back to the house using public transport. The parents do not give me subway/bus tickets for him and expect him to slip through the turnstile with me. All children over the age of 4 are supposed to have a ticket and are eligible for a reduced fare. The older boy, who comes home alone, has a subway pass. The little boy uses tickets when he goes to school in the morning with his father. I can't understand why there is that inconsistency! They aren't billionaires but they don't seem to have any money problems. I'm sure if I was ever stopped and fined for him not having a ticket they'd reimburse me, but that's not the point. I don't like that we are breaking the rules and I think it's irresponsible and not a good example to do this with my charge. But can I demand that the parents give him tickets? Is that my place? Maybe it isn't a big deal and I should just ask but I don't want to seem accusatory.
I have a slight problem. I've taken care of two boys for two years now. The family is lovely and we all get along well. However, one thing has been bothering me for awhile. I pick up the youngest boy (8 years old) from school and bring him back to the house using public transport. The parents do not give me subway/bus tickets for him and expect him to slip through the turnstile with me. All children over the age of 4 are supposed to have a ticket and are eligible for a reduced fare. The older boy, who comes home alone, has a subway pass. The little boy uses tickets when he goes to school in the morning with his father. I can't understand why there is that inconsistency! They aren't billionaires but they don't seem to have any money problems. I'm sure if I was ever stopped and fined for him not having a ticket they'd reimburse me, but that's not the point. I don't like that we are breaking the rules and I think it's irresponsible and not a good example to do this with my charge. But can I demand that the parents give him tickets? Is that my place? Maybe it isn't a big deal and I should just ask but I don't want to seem accusatory.
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11 comments:
Ask the parents for a metrocard for the 8yo. Say you have been stopped several times when trying to get through for free and it's time to pay. I actually have seen a huge crackdown on the subways and buses for kid fares lately. Tell the parents that you have been paying out of pocket and they will need to reimburse you.
Going forward, most schools (public and private) give free metro cards or at least half fare based on how fare the child lives from the school. Here's the link:
http://schools.nyc.gov/Offices/Transportation/ParentResources/GeneralEducationEligibility/default.htm
No one advertises this perk so you have to seek it out especially from privates. It took me 3 years to even realize this existed.
Also, just to clarify, children ride free up to 44 inches in height (it is not based on age). For the average (50%) of height this would be a child who is 5.5years old. Though a shorter child may get an extra year of free rides and a taller child less time.
Good Luck and Do Not agree to continue to try to slip the child under the turnstiles. It's an misdemeanor waiting to happen.
I second that. Say you've gotten a few warnings and from now on you don't feel comfortable unless the little guy has a pass as well. You shouldn't have to risk getting in trouble because they are cheap.
"Your son is of the age now where he needs and is eligible for a transit pass. Can you pick him up one or do you want me to and you'll reimburse me?"
that's simple enough. why is this such a hard thing for you to ask?
I like what Wicker park nanny suggests. You don't have to lie to them. A simple, "I'm not comfortable sneaking him onto the subway" should suffice if the parents are at all normal people.
I can understand that it might be uncomfortable to try to change the policy now, after doing this for 2 years. But, as nyc mom pointed out, they are cracking down on this- I heard some students were even cited for using student cards over spring break. I would use this recent crackdown to say you are no longer comfortable with the situation.
not petty at all. i appreciate your ethics. you do not want to teach this child to lie, and you are not comfortable with lying.
Thanks for the input. I don't live in New York and the need for a ticket is determined by age alone.
nycmom, I don't know if you misunderstood my post but we haven't been stopped and fined yet. I don't know if you were suggesting I lie--the boy is 8 years old and would certainly be able to tell his parents this was not the case.
Wicker Park, I suppose it felt hard because I kind of see it as their choice. If they don't want to pay for tickets every day and would rather risk paying a fine, who am I to stop them? I am their employee and not even a full-time one at that. I guess it is a bit different because it is breaking the rules (although it isn't a misdemeanour where we live, as far as I know) but I feel it would be like disagreeing with what they have me feed their children for dinner.
Anyway, I brought it up on Friday. The mother said she'd been "forgetting" (for two years?) and that she would get him tickets but I don't know if that will happen. Perhaps if they haven't I should buy them myself and just ask to be reimbursed.
NO, ask for the ticket each day until you get one.
And this is completely different than simply disagreeing with mom over what to feed the kids for dinner. It's more like saying "No" to feeding them marijuana brownies for dinner.
This is a question of breaking the law...not merely one of personal preference. When you sneak the child on the train, YOU are stealing, not the mom. "She told me to" is never a legal defense.
Sorry - thought you were in nyc. I also assumed you had been in trouble by the metro employees, but sounds like that is not so either.
Regardless, it sounds like you did the right thing and asked. I do believe you would be the one who was responsible for whatever the legal consequences are where you live, especially since you are the child's legal guardian at the time of the incident. I agree with Mom, that simply following the mother's orders is not an excusable defense, legally or morally. Good Luck and hope she continues to give you the tickets.
actually OP I don't see anything wrong with you purchasing them and getting reimbursed if the parents don't step up. that is of course if there is a history of you being reimbursed previously...have you ever not been paid back?
i worked for a mom once who would make promises, but never follow through. i'd pick up her slack a lot, but was always reimbursed or thanked later. if this isn't your employer, then i'd remind her again at the end of this week...
The boy did not have a ticket when I went to pick him up today. *sigh* I bought tickets for him and got a receipt. I added the amount the sheet where we keep account of my hours and I'm sure they'll reimburse me. I spoke with the father this time about it and he agreed that I needed to have tickets. Apparently they gave him tickets once (I am not sure if this was within the past 2 years) and my charge lost them. The father said in the future he would buy them for me and I could keep them in my wallet.
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