Friday

Disgruntled WAHM

Received Friday, May 29, 2009 - Rant
Dear parent,
I have taken care of your child for over two years, since before the age of one. I have a few things to say to you.

You think you can get away with dropping off early and picking up late, and I have enabled you and allowed you to do this with no late fees and no complaints. It irritates me that you don't realize that I have a life too and that I cannot do anything until your child leaves.

Your child is not easy to care for. Your child hits my child, messes up my house and as wonderful as you think your child is, the fact of the matter is that your child is not all that wonderful and it is not a privilage to care for your child.

You have never given me a cash bonus for christmas, etc. You make approximately 3000 dollars more than I do a month. I don't want your freaking candles and soap baskets. I want some money.

You always bring your child when they are sick and it really bothers me.

You only work 30 hours a week and yet I care for your child for ten hours a day Monday through Friday for 150 dollars a week. You come to drop the child off and the child is always in a dirty diaper and their pajamas.

Your child is confused because although they do not have a father in their life, you have multiple boyfriends that you let your child call "Daddy" and then when you break up with them, the child is confused and left without that male figure.

I do like you and I like your child but I feel at times that I am being taken advantage of.

That is all.

88 comments:

WTF? said...

Wow. If you don't think the child you are caring for is wonderful then you have no business caring for said child. Children deserve better than someone just tolerating them for $150 a week. It's your own fault that you haven't set down professional boundaries regarding drop off and pick up and that you've set your rates so low. Getting to stay home with your own child instead of having to go to work every day IS a privledge ~ for YOU. It sounds like you have financed that by taking merely adequite care of another child whom you resent. I feel sorry for the kid, not you. I have more feeling toward the DOGS I take care of in my own business. They truly are wonderful and I love them.

whaaaaat said...

Stop acting like a doormat and speak up. You really don't have my sympathy though. It seems like you are either really burnt out or you are in the wrong field.

summertime said...

Dear OP,
You sound very burnt out. It's time to start setting boundaries- people only take advantage when you let them. Start holding the mom to the hours you agreed upon, and charge her for being late. It might also be time to raise your rates in general, after two years. Why are you taking care of a child for $3 per hour?
Finally, I think this is a result of being burnt out, but you should probably try to let go of the holiday bonus thing. At least she is acknowledging you by giving you a gift.
WTF- I don't think you have any basis for judging the quality of care as "merely adequate." We have no way of knowing what kind of care this child receives, and I think all of OP's comments were in relation to differing perspectives between mom and OP. As in, not that OP doesn't like the child but doesn't see the child as extraordinarily special or more important than other children.

Nanny Taxi said...

Dear OP,

Time to find another line of work. The kids I care for are wonderful and they behave better for me than their parents.
Have a heart to heart with mom about the situation instead of whining about it. If you keep this up you will become resentful and you may end up taking that out on the child.

sd said...

I feel for you that she drops off early and picks up late, but YOU are the one that agreed to work for such a minimal wage. You can't expect to make too much since it sounds like you don't have to do any driving, and you get to stay at home with your little one all day, but if that is the pay you agree too, how can you complain? Have a talk with the Mom and if you really don't like the arrangement that much, find a new one.

Amy said...

Honey, you're taking care of a child in YOUR home. YOU GET NO CHRISTMAS BONUS! You're not a nanny, merely a home daycare provider. I ran a home daycare for 3 years and never got a bonus, that's ridiculous that you expect one! I had many parents who would give me small gifts or gift cards for christmas and my birthday, and I was beyond the moon grateful for that.

If this child is such a problem, you either need to grow a pair and start disciplining the child to correct his/her behavior, or throw in the towel and allow the Mom to find her child someone who truly cares about her child enough to put work into correcting the behavior.

Regarding early drop off and late pick up, and arriving in his/her overnight diaper and jammies, you need to sit down with Mom to discuss these issues. Be honest with her. The early drop offs and late pick ups are interfering with you and your child's schedule and plans, and it needs to stop. If she can't drop off and pick up on time, either drop her as a client, or raise her rate enough so that that extra work is worth it to you. You also need to tell her that you will no longer accept her child in his/her overnight diaper or jammies. Do NOT bring up that it is wrong for the child to sit in that until he/she arrives to your home (it IS SOOO wrong!!! but that will only cause her to become defensive), merely say that it is a new policy and that if she brings her child in that condition, you will not accept care of him/her until Mom changes his/her diaper and clothes herself.

Do you have a daycare contract? If not, you need to draw one up ASAP. You can find other daycares' contracts online easily and modify them to fit your needs. Early drop off, late pick up, and arriving with an overnight diaper and jammies on, are always included in such a contract, along with payment agreements, etc.

To the poster who aked why is she caring for a child for $3/hr. She is running a home daycare(even if she only cares for this one child). Depending on where she lives, $150/wk is likely the going rate for a home daycare. The going rate is $100-$120 in my area. She's doing well charging $150. However if Mom wants to keep being early and late, OP needs to raise that rate. Depending on how early or late she is, raise it up to $200. She'll either leave OP's daycare, arrive on time at all times, or pay it.

NannyinSanDiego said...

Who knows what OP's situation is? W/this tough economy the way it is, maybe she is doing what she needs for her and her own child to survive...when times are tough, you have to do what you have to do and anyone who is working now is just plain blessed to be working, no matter what they do!~
OP, I think childcare is the most underappreciated job there is! I work as a nanny and am tired of all the families who try to charge me as little as they can, and/or add other children/household duties after they hire me. I don't want to lose the faith, but when it happens over and over, I start to wonder.
You sound very burned out and you need to talk to the mother about what you told us....tactfully, of course. Plus, I would leave out what you said about her child. ;)
AND if she continues, then unless you need this job to survive, I would move on. No matter what you do, please do not let your resentment cause you to become bitter and please do not take it out on the innocent child who has no connection to this. He or she does not know or understand his or her mother's behavior and no matter how she treats you, the child should be treated the same whether she is paying you a million dollars a week or $150.

Kristen said...

aww, it isn't the child's fault it is their mother's. That is sad. The one thing though, if you do most of the caring for the child why have you not helped to change their behavior? I understand it is not your job as you are the daycare provider but it is just a thought. Also, use your position to be the positive influence in the child's life :)

Since she is always dropping the child off early & coming late I would suggest raising her rate :)

cali mom said...

So, grow a pair.

oh well said...

There was a late pick-up/early drop-off fee at the home daycare I was using at one time. I found this completely normal.
What the mom does with her time or how much money she makes should not be your concern. Ditto with the Christmas bonus.
What should really matter to you is the going rate in your area for the service you provide. Do you know how well you are doing?
I understand that everyone has bad times, but it seems to me that you are not happy caring for another child beside your own, and that you are doing it mostly for the money. There must be other positions where you could make more. However, there are very few where you also get to stay home with your child.
If this is really just a case of burn-out, you may need to reevaluate your daily routine. Do you stay home all day with the little ones? Do you make sure there is actually some fun for you during the day? Do you have enough interaction with adults?
I feel sorry for you and for the child you care for.

OP said...

Thank you, everyone for the advice.

No, I would never take out my frustration on the child. to WTF: I give more than adequate care to the child. And it is the going rate where I live.

Kristen,
I of course know it is not the child's fault. I have tried to change the child's behavior but it is in part my fault because I have spoiled the child and given in too many times. (I know one time is too many.) I do take responsibility for this.

Yes, I am burnt out. I believe it is time to move on. It can be very intrusive to have people in your home. I do in no way resent the child, if it came across in my words that I did I apologize. It was after all, a rant.

As far as the Christmas bonus, you are right: she has no cause to give me anything.

I'm quitting.

Yay!!!!!

OP said...

Oh, one more thing:

I really do appreciate all of the advice. I was not being sarcastic. To the flamers: you are absolutely right about a lot of what you said. But I am not a horrible person. I just am not cut out for this and will be going into another line of work.

Part of my burn-out is that I have been going to night school. I now have a second degree and I think it is time to begin my new career. I really had no idea what this was cracked up to be when I began it. I am just not the right person for this job.

Thanks again!

twinkiesmom said...

OP, Just a suggestion for your future life...If you ever do open a business again, you do need to run it like a business. And if you work for someone else, you will still need to set appropriate boundaries.

If you think you were taken advantage of by this woman, there's no end to what can happen to you in the corporate world...and the person you resent for making more money and being a complete numbnuts will likely be earning double or triple your salary and in upper management.

Nanny in San Diego said...

OP, I never thought you were a bad person..you are only human and were speaking from your heart and if we all did the same thing, imagine all the fingers that would be pointing at us!
Yours was a perfect illustration of the challenges that come w/childcare. It is mentally and physically exhausting work w/low pay, long hours and parents who treat you like a servant at times.
It is really an under appreciated profession and one that doesn't offer much room for growth and advancement. But w/out us nannies/babysitter/hired help, etc. (call us what you like), all the Dr's and Lawyer's and all the "real jobs" that others do would never ever be possible w/out quality childcare. This type or work is not for everyone, I have many friends who think I am insane to spend 9 hours each day caring for a small child w/no 15 min. or 1/2 hr lunch breaks in between. I love children and am good at what I do, but I know it is not for everyone.
Good Luck w/your new job search. I hope you find a position that suits you better!~

mom said...

OP
Glad to hear you're finding something you enjoy doing. Taking care of children (particularly several at once) is a LOT of hard work and a huge responsibility. It should only be done by somebody who really enjoys it, is able to handle the ups and downs of kid behavior without being too ruffled or upset, and has the patience and ability to do all of this well for multiple kids at once.

That's definitely not any sort of judgment against you, OP. Everybody is better suited to some things than others, and really, very few IMO are truly suited to take care of a house full of small kids day in and ay out. Kids are my life, and yet when I took in a child to babysit when my son was small (thinking it would be great to have a built in playmate), I realized that I function best as a caregiver when I am not overwhelmed....which multiple kids all the same age can do very quickly, especially when they are infants/toddlers who require constant care and attention.

SDmom said...

Just a suggestion on late pick-up & early drop-off. Mom needs to sign something stating that the hours you have agreed to work are X:00-X:00 and she will be charged $2 per minute for every minute early or late. Then cheerfully add these charges to her bill. I think she will get the point and magically become better about this.

This is what they do at the daycare I am familiar with, btw. And repeat offenders who are habitually late picking up their kids can be dropped as clients.

And seriously, if you need to drop her, don't look back. People are always looking for good daycare at a good price and you will quickly find a new client. Follow the good advice on this thread and be professional about it - have everyone involved sign a clear contract stating hours & policies about things such as diapers, etc.

SDmom said...

Oh, I see OP's other posts now. Congrats on finding a new career! that is great.

Home daycare is not an easy job. Our friend who runs one works her butt off. But, she feels called to it. And she has very clear boundaries which have served her well.

People think it will be easy money to start babysitting out of their home. Nope, you give up your freedom and mobility and it can be very intrusive. Best to run it like what it is, a business, lest people walk all over you, which they will.

I feel your pain said...

I don't know why everyone was so quick to jump on you OP - It can be hard to try to correct parents that pick up late (even if you talk to them, I've had some that still come home late!)

You highlighted the main complaints of people who provide childcare from their home, and I hope there are parents who read them and adjust their actions accordingly if it applies to them!!!

And for the record, anyone, even someone who loves caring for kids, can get burnt out if taken advantage of... I don't know why the first few commentators chose to attack... "Grow a pair"? Such helpful advice.

MaryKayMissDee said...

When I read this post by OP,I IMMEDIATELY went searching for a daycare/parent contract, and found one I really like. I am going to be opening my own home daycare soon.

As a teacher in group childcare, I know how OP feels. I have seen parents who act too busy for their own child-I have one in my class now whose parents act like that, and because of one of the parents, I made the decision to be a float teacher. (My decision was also based on my overly critical younger co teacher whom I like yet needs to watch her sharp tone with me)

Owning a daycare is hard work, and I don't expect to have all my spots filled within a month of opening. I do however, know that I will be extremely busy, because when you run a business like a daycare, you are giving up your time to help families and more importantly, to help children grow. I also understand that if I do not have guidelines in place, I will be walked all over by parents who think they can get away with whatever they choose too, including what OP has described.

At Christmas, I recieved many wonderful gifts. On Mother's Day, I recieved flowers from one of my girls.

This field, whether you are a nanny or daycare owner is tough yet rewarding. The rewards may not be great benefits or salaries, yet when a child starts to recognize things like colors, letters, shapes, numbers, that is a reward in itself.

MinuteMuggle said...

I too was surprised at how people attacked OP right away and some even assumed that she offered sub-par care. I admire OP for admitting when she's had enough. She also admitted that she was wrong in some instances and that says something about her.

Furthermore, if any of you have ever worked in a childcare environment, you know that there are good childcare providers and poor ones, and if you have spent any time in the teachers' room during lunch, or sat in on the naptime "chats" you know what the teachers think of the parents and of their children. Even the best of childcare providers rant occasionally. It does not mean they do not love the kids, and if they dislike a parent or a parents' way of doing things, they rarely, even the poorer childcare providers, take it out on the child. I have not seen this very much.

As much as parents like to think that the sun rises and sets when their child arrives/leaves daycare, it is simply not true. And it gets very frustrating when a parent expects their child to come first, and is more important than all the other children.

I found this post to be a harmless rant and I am sympathetic to OP. Again, I applaud her for being honest, unlike many others who paint themselves to be "nanny/mom of the year" on an anon blog when nobody here really knows what kind of a caregiver you are. I remember one poster in particular (a friend of mine) who was attacked awhile back because she said she was a nanny and people wondered why she posted so much and called her a horrible childcare provider, when I happen to know for a fact that she was a great one and also a great person.

I can't stand how self-rightous people are sometimes, and how much they assume they know about posters when they don't know much at all, and also refuse to admit that they are not perfect. It astounds me how many people see themselves as so incredibly awesome. They really do. Where is old-fashioned modesty? It is few and far between if you ask me.

That being said, much of the advice given to OP here is good: a business is a business and if you are going to run a successful one, you need to get your act together and not put up with any bologna. (Excuse my French.) hehe

Good Luck said...

I pay $150 a week for group family day care....she can take care of up to 12 kids over age 2 with an assistant. So, to have a WAHM with only one kid and pay $150 is amazing for the payer, not so much for the worker. Also, I certainly pay my providers the equivalent of a full week (divided among all staff in proportion) at Christmas. Not just nannies get bonuses. Good luck.

WTF? said...

I love have calling someone "adequite" and saying they should take responsibility for the things they're actually responsible for, has suddenly turned in to some sort of brutal attack. How do some you even leave the house?

learnhowtocommunicate said...

WTF:

You also assumed in your post that OP "resented" the child. I don't believe she does. You implied also that she treated the child worse than dogs. You said you felt sorry for the child. You attacked OP. You did not offer any constructive advice, as usual. Your posts are usually mean, judgemental and offensive.

Blah said...

Very simple. Don't let the parents take advantage of you. Instead of whining about it, do something.

WTF? said...

:::shrug::: I think children deserve better than what's being offered by the poster. Deal.

just saying said...

WTF:

How do you know the dogs you care for like you? Maybe they don't like you at all. I feel sorry for the dogs that they have to be around such an unpleasant person, and I am glad for you that you work with dogs and not children. The dogs cannot tell the owners what a jerk you are.

Yaya said...

10 hours a day?? Holy crap! And they child arrives in a dirty diaper?? Ick.

kc said...

You are a whiny bitch. Stop acting like you haven't done this to yourself! Speak up and stand up for yourself. If you allow someone to walk all over you--guess what-- they WILL! I have no sympathy for anyone who takes stuff like that.

just saying said...

kc,

I don't think there is anything in OP's post that makes her a bitch. It seems she was just blowing off some steam and from her responses she seems pretty clear-headed and agrees that she put herself in this situation and has a plan to get out of it.

I think you should offer some more helpful, insightful advice than to just be hateful. Unless, of course, that is the only way you know how to be.

WTF? said...

Oh, boo hoo. Some anonymous head case has their panties in a bunch. IRL, everyone loves me! :::smiles sweetly::: And I do work with children (at co-op preschool) and have three of my own. I take excellent care of them in addition to the dogs. If you want to pretned otherwise, enjoy your delusions and personal attacks. ta ta.

nanny said...

WTF:

Of course you take wonderful care of your children. Which is why you are inside flaming people on a blog instead of playing with your children in this beautiful weather.

Nice try.

Village said...

I commend the OP for recognizing that even though she needs the $600 a month for watching the child, she is ill suited for the work, and is leaving the child care to others.

If only parents recognized that BEFORE they had children.

FYI-Did anyone see the letter to Abby from the couple who had a 10 month old, and told Abby they had misjudged, and the child was ruining their quality of life. They didn't want the child, but were terrified of their parents' reactions if they acted on their wishes. Abby told them to seek counseling as she assumed they had failed to bond with the child, but some people just don't want children, and this couple sounded pretty firm in their dislike of parenthood.

cali mom said...

Nanny, "beautiful weather"? WTF did not say where *she* lives, so how do you know what it's like there? Here near San Francisco, it's been foggy, cloudy, chilly and windy for about 2 weeks now and is supposed to rain this week. This is the internet, WTF could be postiong from Hong Kong or Aistralia for all we know.

Village, how heartbreaking about those parents. Sad sad sad and STUPID.

WTF? said...

Goodness knows I should let internet trolls decide what my family does on the weekend.

>eye roll<

What good parent wouldn't?

MinuteMuggle said...

WTF, I think perhaps you have trolls because you yourself are very troll-like at times. Your posts are snarky and rude, your moniker says it all, it seems you are always looking for a fight. I do admire you in a way, to tell you the truth, because you are not afraid to speak your mind, however it seems you speak/post before you think sometimes. (I know I do, I think we are all guilty of that at times.) And yes, this is the internet and not rl, I'm sure your personality is less abraisive and conceited irl. But just FYI, a little tact goes a long way.

etereia said...

Actually, "here near San Francisco," it was really warm and sunny the past two weeks, and it has been "foggy, cloudy, chilly and windy" just over the weekend.

another mom said...

Thank you minute muggle, I couldn't agree with you more! I rarely see a helpful posting from wtf? because they are usually just tearing something or someone down, and that is a shame because I happen to like people that are outspoken and opinionated like her. I think she just needs a little redirection!

cali mom said...

I can only assume you are either in the valley area (Orinda, Lafayette, Pleasant Hill, Concord, Martinez, Danville, etc) or far enough South or North bay area (Fremont, San Rafael, etc) that you've experieced your own personal weather patterns lately, or maybe you are just still on your own little planet altogether.

http://www.weather.com/weather/pastweather/USCA0987?from=36hr_topnav_undeclared

cali mom said...

Meant to reply to Etereia who imagines she is on a tropical island somewhere...

momkat said...

Oh my goodness ladies--enough with the bickering!

MinuteMuggle said...

***hangs head in bickering shame***

WTF? said...

MM,my beef is not that people disagree with me. I don't really care. It's that certian poster(s) focus only on what I post. On this thread alone there were multiple other posts that were much meaner and harsher than mine, yet suddenly the "new monikers" all come out of the woodwork to say their bit about me. yada, yada, yada. It's stupid.

I think that the OP saying that that the child was "not all that wonderful" set herself up for the response she got from me. I was not the one who called her a "doormat." I didn't say she didn't deserve a holiday bonus. I didn't say she would "take her feelings out on the child." I didn't tell her to "grow a pair" like 2 different posters did. I didn't call her a "whiny bitch." Where are your critical posts for all those people? Seriously, stick it!

MinuteMuggle said...

WTF:

Consider it stuck! :) hehe
Have a great day! xoxo

etereia said...

Momcat, you are right, most of the time bickering doesn't help, but in this case it was very helpful for me. See, a certain individual gave a very detailed list of the infrastructure of the Bay Area, and she didn't mention only a few cities around San Francisco. I am assuming she lurks in one of them. Now I know where to never look for a job, cause with my luck she will be the first one I meet...ugh.

Sandie said...

You can only be taken advantage of if you let someone do it.

I provide child care out of my home and know I am one of the best out there. No one would get away with treating me this way, and quite honestly, I can't imagine making 150 a week to do something you hate. You need to speak up, make some rules for this family and enforce them. Resenting the parents and the child is just not worth it.

A really big problem in home daycare said...

I too was surprised at how many felt the need to strike out at this Home childcare providers /WAHM's "vent".

It is a common occurence,when a childcare provider works out of their own home,to find moms/dads that take advantage of you.More common than many of you obviously realize.
Parents get lazy,they forget their checkbooks,they just could not get out of the office on time or..they get stuck in traffic 3 times a week.
All the while you are trying to reclaim your living space and get it ready for your family who are now home from school & work...you are waiting to serve dinner or go out to your own childs parent -teacher conference.
You are right..this should be treated as a business..but why should the provider have to be the heavy?? Why should they have to be put in the awkward & uncomfortable position of "scolding mom/dad" for not following the rules?
How about mom/dad taking responsibility for themselves??

This is not a library book..it is your child...pick-up and drop off on time..pay your provider on time..get your child up and feed them and dress them..have a little respect and show a little respect.
Stop taking advantage of those with big hearts who don't deal well with conflict.

Nannys make much more money than WAHM's...and because you work outside of your home..your reality is more business like than those who work in-home.

Any parent who would drop her child off..unbathed,undressed,unfed and then picks them up late is just a selfish,lazy good for nothing mom who needs to keep her legs closed and get her priorities straight!!

OP..I hear ya and am sorry you encountered.. what we call the " no-show-ho "of daycare!!

Best of luck with your next endeavour!

cali mom said...

No worries Etereia, only a complete fool would let YOU be responsible for kids, so your distance is safe eith me.

ctc said...

Sandie,
I'm glad you are so great, but sometimes it's difficult to deal with parents on many levels for many different reasons. "really big problem" stated it very well: parents act like that all the time. You can't just drop a client because they are being difficult. It sometimes takes a very long time to find clients depending on what area you are in, even if you are (a-hem) the greatest thing since sliced bread (you) it can still take awhile to replace a client, and sometimes it is easier to keep a client who is difficult than to go through the process of finding another one.

Also, Sandie, I have been in this sitch as well and you can enforce rules with parents and they STILL DO IT!!!! Sometimes they don't even care if they have to pay a late fee, they come late anyway.

Also, OP never said she hated it. She said she hated being treated with disrespect.

etereia said...

Cali Mom, no distance is safe with deranged maniacs like you.

cali mom said...

Well then, *your* choices (to cope with your paranoia, that is) would be A) die, B)move to Jupiter and hold your breath, C)get some therapy. But in all cases, stay away from kids since we know you're a vocal advocate of hitting them when they cause adults to lose patience and your mental imbalance is sadly apparent.

a really big problem in daycare said...

WHOA NELLIE..where on Earth did you get that eteria is a "vocal advocate of hitting them when they cause adults to lose patience"??????
Is that from another post or did I miss it somewhere above?

cali mom said...

In another thread, she advocated for adults right to spank kids, saying it was fine if the reason was that the kids were doing something "trying". In other words, if they've caused the adult to run out of patience, the best solution is for the adult to hit them. She's gone over her position many a time on this one. And she's a nanny?!?

A really big problem in Daycare said...

I See. Thanks for clarifying!

etereia said...

Heh, Cali Mom, I really love your idiotic replies. 'A really big problem,' actually I've stated many times that there is not a thing in the world that would make me hit a child I take care of. And yea, I am a good nanny, cause I have been working with the same families for five years. It just runs very deep with Cali Nutcase; I don't think you really understand my argument with her.

a really big problem in daycare said...

ctc boy did you hit the nail on the head. If every SAHM,WAHM,Home daycare provider got rid of all the parents who abused the rules,ignored the rules,paid late and took advantage..the turn-over would be outrageous and bills would go unpaid.


etereia,You are right. I am not familiar with you as a poster and I don't understand your specific argument with Calimom.
I had seen nothing posted above regarding that"out of the blue" remark and was curious.

nutcase?? You have NOOOO idea..beware she is stuck to your shoe and will soon have her nose so far up your ass you won't be able to fart without a comment from her.
Goodluck with that.

cali mom said...

How's the weather on your own personal little planet today Etereia? Sky green enough for you? Care to inform me what the outside temperature at my doorstep is right now?

Trying to deny how you've stated your gratitude and admiration o your parents for hitting you when you were a kid and you "deserved" it?

etereia said...

Cali Nutcase, instead of picking fights with me, why don't you go and try to take care of your kid, so (I hope to God) you don't end up with a Columbine tragedy on your hands.

OH STOP ALREADY..YOU'VE DONE THIS TO TOO MANY POSTERS!! GOOD GRIPES said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
cali mom said...

Oh Etereia, what a sparkling gem of original wit you are @@ (***eye roll***) You've surely taught me to follow more closely the great and magnanimous wisdom you model for us all.

Now, why don't you go smack a toddler that has tried your patience one time too many times and cheer yourself up.

etereia said...

Cali Mom, you don't know me, but you have proceeded to insult me, my parents, my friends, and my bosses, and then you actually suggested that I "choose to die." Do you realize how bad saying something like that is? I didn't pay much attention, but did you really wish me to die, or were you just blubbering as usual? Jeez man, you are pathetic.

WTF? said...

I don't know, Etereia. The Columbine comment went over the line. You actually commented on her child. We're all adults, so whatever, every person for themselves, but I don't think you can claim any moral high ground when you say someone else's child is going to be a mass murderer. of course, you're not a parent, so maybe you don't know that. You shouldn't have gone there.

Same Shit Different Day said...

the difference here is that when one of these posters(I won't say which because you all already know which one)finds an issue with another she refuses to let go and makes their whole ISYN existence miserable...following them around,calling names,insulting them and their parenting skills just because she disagrees with veiws.
Both remarks were rotten but she just pushes and pushes and pushes and pushes and pushes and pushes and pushes...................

etereia said...

WTF, you are right, and probably what I said about Columbine sounds harsh and mean to you, but you haven't been advised to go ahead and die. Besides, I was not even talking directly about her kid; I was talking about her. The child is most probably delightful, as all little children are. On the other hand, she sounds totally insane, and growing up with her will send anybody on a shooting spree...that's what I meant.

cali mom said...

Oh, poor little victim Etereia. So sad. Your plight is breaking my heart. Really it is. How *dare* anyone respond to your snotty comments with a tone that offends you? I beg your majesty's forgiveness. (HARDLY, LOL!!! pppphhhh).

I told you that if you were so terrified of the possibility of running into me at some time on this planet that you are unfortunately forced to share with me, your choices were to leave it (one way or another), or live with your fears. I honestly don't give a rat's ass what chpoioce you make or anything about YOUR mental problems or irrational fears any more than I care about the dumb comments you barf up onto this blog daily, thinking to yourself that they are clever, harsh, etc. they're actually just dumb, but pat yourself on the back anyway for whatever achievements you'd like to imagine, It's just more entertainment for me.

Oh, and just for my edification and further amusement, repeat for me the posts where I've insulted your parents, friends and bosses? TIA.

MinuteMuggle said...

Off the topic, I am extremely interested in the Columbine murders. Horrible, yet fascinating.

Just saying.

Please said...

Big surprise, the loon has yet another creepy fetish.

Agree with SSDD said...

I have to agree with SSDD. Said poster absolutely is relentless and extraordinarily, unnecessarily nasty. I have never once - not one single time - in the entire existence of this blog seen her NOT have the last word. I have also never once - not one single time - seen her admit error or apolgoize for an obvious mistake/unkind remark. That's a pretty impressive track record of anger and vindictiveness.

So whenever I see one of these exchanges begin, my heart goes out to the victim even if I don't agree. I know a bully when I see one!

Kat said...

Arrogance pretty much sums it up!
There is a huge aura of SELF surrounding most posts and it appears pleasure as well when she finally breaks others.She fools many but I would venture to say is actually a rather ill woman emotionally.Major control issues too.Yes,children of parents with those issue's suffer terribly.It is very sad.

As for the post....

Parents who take advantage of childcare providers are common and often clueless. As long as their needs are met all is well.They need to get a clue.
OP,there are some really great websites that offer poems & example letters for daycare providers to hand out to said parents in a letter form..you might look some up.

Google..daycare and parents who pick up late...

or parents who pay late..
or parents who take advantage.

Goodluck!

etereia said...

Cali Mom, I am a victim...of you? You wish. Comments I barf daily...before this delightful conversation I hadn't posted for months. Oh, and thanks for making me laugh this morning - you reminded me of the crazy roommate Chandler got in "Friends", when Joey moved out - you know the one who never remembered what he had said 5 minutes earlier. Let me remind you - just a couple of posts back you said that whomever employs me is out of his/her mind or something. I am not even going to go to your comments about my parents. The thing is, I don't like bullies (as somebody called you earlier) and I especially don't like maniacs insulting all the people in my life. This crap is between you and me. So, this time I am not backing down, like I did months ago, when we first argued. Oh, about your dying suggestion - even if you are not religious, or you don't believe in Karma, or you are not superstitious, common sense tells you to not suggest, joke, demand or wish anybody that he/she would die. This is really, really, really bad. I don't know exactly when I stepped on your toes, but you crossed "my line" with that disgusting comment.

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

Calimom..looks like you took someone on a lot stronger than me who is willing to stand up for herself..Bravo Etereia!!!Boy cm when you have a problem with someone it sure is huge..wonder why that is??
Maybe cause you are a RUDE,SELF-CENETERED,EGOTISTIC,PAIN IN THE ASS!?
There is a pattern here.... You,scary,sad women you!

Etereia..I don't know who you are..if we liked or hated each other in the past..but I will tell you..I left a full on apology for CM after months of fighting..all for nothing..she was not thankful or releived nor in anyway did she show gratitude regarding that apology ...and it was sincere..I felt bad for causing trouble on the blog and with her.. God forbid she might have offerred her own even halfway version of an apology herself or thanked me for making an effort..????
She is hard and full of herself and she will continue to ride you,insult you and throw her self-important opinions down your throat..I am shocked she has the following she has..it made me wonder what kind of people "like" someone with such an angry outlook WHO was unwilling to try and change it or atleast exist peacefully for the blogs sake?
I finally left and visit every blue moon..I miss it but could not endure her ugliness any longer as I have other places I need to focus my strengths!!
You are obviously a strong women..I am not familiar with you ..but pls know that you are not alone in the "attacked by Calimom" pile on ISYN. Goodluck!

I have had experience with both Nanny work and Home daycare work..my experience was that parents took much more advantage with home daycare..OP..I wish you much luck and hope you take the advice to find a humorous poem or letter..sometimes that kind of approach works well and makes a point without confrantation.All the best.

etereia said...

Let me explain why I think Cali Nutcase has a lot of followers here - she is very much against kid spanking, which is fine by me. I mentioned months ago that a couple of times my parents spanked me when I was a kid and I didn't really think it was such a bad thing. That set the crazie off. I said a million times that I might never spank my kids, I don't know, cause I don't have any kids yet. I understand people with anti-spanking point of view...but no, my explanation was not enough and she has been lurking here ever since, waiting to pounce like a rabid dog. Whatever, now that I have realized that she is a certifiable lunatic, I am not explaining and reasoning any more.

Iowamom said...

If memory serves, BLB used to troll the heck out of this site, so I'm not sure why she's lecturing anyone regarding online etiquette.

Calimom is terrific. She says what we're all thinking but are too lazy to type. Talk about community service!

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

Iowamom..you are right..I did troll or at best was an angry poster & hostile..it was not an intentional trolling..I was just rude and angry and held back nothing,,then I was asked to stop and guess what..not only did I stop but offerred up a sincere apology to my worst sparring partner and to all others I offended..Several thanked me and accepted my apology..I then came back fresh and stopped all the BS..now that is community service my friend.
I believe you memory is a selective memory Iowamom because you seem to have forgotten to mention that part?!
Good day to you..Oh,& next time may I suggest you tell the WHOLE story..not just the part that favors calimom and makes your dig sound better.. afterall..it's only fair.

"Be the change you want the world to be"

HasAMemory said...

A conduct lecture from Plus Sized Penny, the biggest piece of skunkf*ck to ever grace this board. How very ironic.

cali mom said...

Hiya big butt! It's truly hilarious that you are thinking no one here remembers what an asshole you've been under your fat-ass name, along with all your anon trolling.

Etereia, you yourself claimed that your first post here in months was expressly for the purpose of correcting me on what the weather has been like in my area lately. And you STILL are trying to claim some sort of moral high ground/martyr staus, acting as if you are just sitting sweetly by your lil' old lonesome and *I* come along and "stalk" you? Sorry toots, but only in your wildest dreams would ANYONE find you interesting enough to stalk you.

Oh, and here's a little tip you seem to be oblivious about: if you are snotty to someone on a blog, they CAN and likely WILL respond to you in a way that you don't like.

I'll Remain Anonymous said...

I'll remain anonymous for this post as I do not want to incite the wrath of the dreaded Unnamed Aggressor and be drawn into a never-ending slinging of venom.

Yes, BLB trolled a while ago. And as she said above she made the choice to come back and apologize and COMPLETELY change her approach. She has since then, IMO, become a wonderful contributor to ISYN. Would we like each other IRL? I have no idea, but I certainly respect the courage and humility it took to do what she did. That is far more than Unnamed Aggressor has ever done.

I agree with the few replies above that the other poster pushes and pushes forever. I also agree she is likely a pretty emotionally unstable and sick woman IRL. Further, as her latest reply indicates, she cannot ever let go. I guarantee that should Eteria or BLB continue to respond to her, she will NEVER allow them to have the last response. That's not tenacity - it's pathological.

She never says, "Hey I was wrong." She is rude when it is completely uncalled for. Instead of politely disagreeing on minor issues, she hurls personal insults. Instead of vehemently disagreeing on passtionate issues, she denigrates and abuses. A recent example would be the last response - was it really necessary to call BLB an "asshole" and a "fat-ass?" I've had my share of heated exchanges, but I have never resorted to 5yo name calling.

Iowamom, I simply disagree that this person "says what we're all thinking but are too lazy to type." Honestly, I'm never thinking to insult someone based on race, language, weight, immigration status, sexual orientation or any other basic identifying factor. Have I been condescening at times? Sure. But I don't stoop to the level of playground insults nor do I secretly yearn to do so.

And if I had controversial opinions that I wanted to share, I would not be too lazy to type them out. I might choose not to type/speak every thought that enters my head because I do exercise judgment and a filter in expressing myself. I think that's a wise and healthy approach to a community dialogue.

etereia said...

Cali Mom, I really don't claim anything. About the weather comment, check your post and see that YOU listed the South Bay and the East Bay and the Valley and the North Bay, where the weather was very nice and sunny. I was probably wrong only about a couple of cities on the coast, where it is always foggy and coldish. But instead of correcting me - you went on a rampage and brought a completely different issue from months ago. What's up with that, man? What do you mean snotty? I don't fight with anybody else here, but you. And besides, when we first started arguing, I refused to call you any ugly names and you flipped out. Now, I am calling you what I think you are and you still don't like it. See, can't help you there. And no, you are rude and unreasonable, so I am not backing down. Go ahead, and let's see where this goes.

does this moniker make my butt look big said...

cm..we have both been assholes but atleast I am a "plus size penny",who is women enough to own it!
Has a memory ..you & calimom are both in denial and will never change..or give credit to those that do...that is a sad trait and you both wear it proudly..what is even sadder is that children of parents who cannot demonstrate change learn the same.I am proud that I am able to take critisism and learn from what others suggest to me. Unlike either of you, I am aware that I am not perfect and there is always room to learn from others.
I changed for the better..what do either of you have to bring to the table but to dredge up old crap from the past..enjoy living in that past because neither of you can have a very promising future with such closed minds..unable to forgive & forget..what a miserable existence.
Yes, I can be an ass hole..but I will always be a better person for admitting it and being able to apologize when I need too..so will my children because they will learn that from me.What are you passing on to yours..how to hold a grudge,call names and judge..thats wonderful CM.

I may be fat..but you CM will ALWAYS be ugly and I can lose weight!! But hey..atleast you will always have your like minded followers to boost your ego and keep you going!!
You go girl..

BLB said...

Ya know..you just bring out the worst in me CM..I refuse to fall back into an old habit!! I am done here.see you all around!

cali mom said...

Anon liar with the vivid imagination: show the post where I insulted anyone based on race or sexual orientation. You can't, so you're a lying sack of shit. Now prove me wrong.


etereia, let me refresh your feeble little memory:

etereia said...

Actually, "here near San Francisco," it was really warm and sunny the past two weeks, and it has been "foggy, cloudy, chilly and windy" just over the weekend.
Jun 1, 2009 11:28:00 AM

etereia said...

...See, a certain individual gave a very detailed list of the infrastructure of the Bay Area, and she didn't mention only a few cities around San Francisco. I am assuming she lurks in one of them. Now I know where to never look for a job, cause with my luck she will be the first one I meet...ugh.
Jun 2, 2009 11:21:00 AM

etereia said...

Cali Mom, no distance is safe with deranged maniacs like you.
Jun 2, 2009 8:18:00 PM


etereia said...

Cali Nutcase, instead of picking fights with me, why don't you go and try to take care of your kid, so (I hope to God) you don't end up with a Columbine tragedy on your hands.
Jun 4, 2009 10:13:00 AM

etereia said...

...Comments I barf daily...before this delightful conversation I hadn't posted for months.
Jun 6, 2009 11:27:00 AM

Yeah honey, your shit don't stink. No point carrying on with a dimwitted hypocrite like yourself who has demonstrated time and again that she has nothing worthwhile to say on any topic and pretends as soon as she hits send that she never said what she said..

Fat butt: bye!

B said...

Oh my God..Calimom is the old blb and getting worse day by day.
That kind of anger is very scary and not healthy.
I can see her mouth foaming just reading her post.
Poor thing.
You could never convince anyone that this anger only exists when you are blogging. Anger like that is real and all consuming.It is very scary that you are ever alone with a child..very scary.
Take a break,take a walk,talk to someone but get help before you explode.
You need to get a handle on your anger and inability to let it go issues.This is just a blog.How you must react in real life is scary.
Let me guess..someone cuts you off or parks too close..you key the car..road rage is your favorite past time..cause you can't let it go and have to win..and you are the one that always ends up arguing with the waiter,the store clerk and anyone else who dares not bow down to you. You have time to recall evey post and defend yourself because your husband can't stand to be around you,you have no friends,no job ..all you have to occupy your time is your child and various blogs.
You can deny all of the above but your actions and posts have spoken for themselves. Someone used the word pathological..my God they were right.
You get people more upset than blb or etereia ever do.
So you wanted to be the biggest bitch huh?Looks like you won,Tell me how'd that work out for ya there sport?

cali mom said...

B for butt?

last word said...

this is actually sort of entertaining in a way. can cali mom allow someone else to have the last post? is it possible? i actually think the anon poster is right. she can't do it.

i'd love to see blb or eteria keep replying, even if just to type "last." i want to run an experiment.

can you do it cali mom? can you resist the urge to reply?

etereia said...

Oh, Cali Mom, go read my last comment again...toots. I am making a distinctive difference between a PREVIOUS argument and the CURRENT argument. You don't need to cite me - just check the archives for our spanking argument MONTHS AGO and see if I ever said a bad word to you. I am actually ashamed to say that I initially said I kind of liked you, because you seemed passionate about what you believe in. I own up to everything I say, by the way. And yes, I did answer your weather comment, I started a new conversation, I thought you would actually correct me, or argue a little bit, or respond like a normal person, but see what happened.

B said...

always the same old argument..no..calimom B is not for butt. As demonstrated in this thread,there is actually more than 1 person you have offended and who is responding here.As a matter of fact,several it seems. Accept it and lose the lame"every post is from BLB" its old and you always fall back on it.

etereia said...

B, she has insulted everybody who has ever disagreed with her, not only several of them. Poor thing doesn't seem to grasp the difference between an argument/debate and a fight. And whoever said that she brings the worst in a person - you are right on the money. I am truly impressed, by the way, with her ability to make me forget my cool and start hurling insults. Oh, Cali Mom, if by 'dimwitted' you mean somebody like me, who came to this country only a couple of years ago and managed to establish herself/himself and has a lot of people who like her/him, so be it. I wish everybody would be 'dimwitted' like that.

cali mom said...

"Cool"? ROFLMAO!

B is for butt, big, bitch, blather, barf, bonehead, etc. Take ,your'e pick.

Anonymous said...
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