Thursday

So Basically Mom, I'm Better Than You...

Received Thursday, January 29, 2009
Photobucket To the nannies on this board, do you ever feel like you are doing more than the parents in raising the kids? I work up a plan weekly for the parents. It contains activities we will do, places we will visit, who we will see and stuff. I have a weekly curriculum, we work on 1 number, 1 letter and 1 color a week. Say we will do a magazine collage of everything that starts with the letter B. The kids love it, with the choosing, cutting, gluing and decorating the paper.

I do all this stuff, cook and serve 2 meals..sometimes 3! I clean as much as I can. Then mom comes home, puts on Ice Age DVD, pours a glass of wine, and gets on the phone! The kids haven't seen her for 10 hours or so and she just herds them into a group in front of the TV! Like I said I cook and clean, the place is spotless when I leave at 6 PM. When I return at 7 AM the sink is full, the counters have crumbs all over them, the kids are in various stages of undress, and the damn TV is on, again!! Where's Mom? Upstairs doing her hair and makeup! I think some Mom's ought to work as nannies for a bit to learn to interact with their kids!
Are things similar with you?

49 comments:

nycnanny said...

Haha! Love it, great post.. so true!

Swiss Nanny said...

Yes, I feel the same!! I swear, I am always saying things like, "X really needs to have her hair washed tonight, or I am leaving her ice skating. Please make sure it doesn't get lost!" If I don't constantly remind them of things, it's like the world comes to an end!! Drives me CRAZY!!!

Emily said...

I feel so sad when I read posts like this. If I felt that way about my job I would give notice tomorrow. There are plenty of parents who are good, positive influences in their child's lives, just like there are plenty of good, patient, kind, intelligent nannies.

We complain that nannies get a bad rap on this site, but it seems to go both ways.

nellicat said...

As a working mom (not employing a nanny, though), I know that my kids spend MOST of their days in someone else's care. I believe they are thriving there, but I can't WAIT to see them when I get home.

We only have a couple of hours before bedtime on weeknights, and it's hard for me to squeeze in all I want to do with them (impossible to make dinner and then: do homework, bathe both, play a game or two, watch a movie together, have a tickle fight, or whatever. SOMETHING has to give!).

Weekends are better - two full, long days to spend relaxing & having fun together. My kids love their Mom and know I love them to the moon and back. But yeah, I know full well that daycare providers (well, teachers + afterschool providers these days) are providing most of their daily care.

robin said...

Emily
I agree except that even though this is a "bad nanny sighting" blog, it does seem overrun with nannies. like a pack of wolves almost. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but can you see the irony, lol?

nellicat said...

Swiss Nanny, if X doesn't get her hair washed, you are leaving her ice skating? That sounded funny. So, she'll just have to twirl around the ice forever?

I think you left out the word "bag" or "dress" or something.

Penelope said...

Most people on a traditional schedule do spend the day working (or learning) and the evening relaxing or catching up. Do you want Mom (or why not Dad, why is he never criticized?) to come home and start cutting up a magazine at 7:00 pm? You've done your job and she's done hers and the evening is time to relax and regroup. I doubt that the kids want to do anything else either.

lynn said...

I agree with Penelope. I used to woh and had a nanny. I was tired at the end of the day too just like the nanny who wanted to go home. I am now a sahm and spend the day doing education things with my dcs but come 6:30 I am done with that and like to take a break. So that is when the TV goes on for the kids. The woman you work for sounds no different.

sc said...

You are getting paid to do what you do with the kids.
Mom is working her butt off (to pay you among other things)
She deserves a glass of wine and to put her feet up.
You sound JEALOUS.
Start a family of your own and get over it.

nellicat said...

SC, I see your point, upon re-reading the original post. So, um, Mom is putting on her makeup when you arrive? That's because she's GOING TO WORK. To provide for her family, and not for nothing, to pay you. So when she gets home she wants to relax with a glass of wine and talk to a friend? Who doesn't want that? How do you know how much time/love/attention she gives to the kids after she finishes her wine and gets a chance to regroup after a long day's work?

Swiss Nanny said...

LOL, Nelli!!! You're right. I re-read that, and noticed how silly it is!! lol. I mean it as two seperate things. Like, X really needs to have her hair washed, after they allowed her to go X amount of days without a bath. And I meant to write, "I am leaving her ice skating CARD." Oops! :) And no, I do not think it has anything to do with being jealous. It is at the frustration, at least for me, that my employers cannot do anything or put in extra effort for their child aside from making sure she is still alive for me to handle on Monday! So, yes, I can understand where OP is coming from.

nannyinmanhattan said...

I agree with sc. There is a reason they hired you in the first place...to do all the things you mentioned in your post so, when mom comes home she can do all the things you mentioned in your post.
It goes with the territory. Get over yourself.

Jacqui said...

I agree with the last couple of posters..my charges' parents work hard and deserve a glass of wine and quiet time when they get home from work. As a nanny, you are employed and paid to do these things you find so offensive, OP. Mom and dad are paid to their jobs. It's your job to keep things organized when it comes to the kid's schedules during the day while the parents work to support their family.
How are they with the kids on weekends? How are they at bedtime? You most likely see mom at her most hurried times of the day. I find this rant a bit frivolous.

You can't always get what you want but if you try some time you just might find - you get what you need said...

Some people are not "nurturers" and know that about themselves. So they immerse themselves in careers and hire someone like you, nanny, to make sure that their kids get what they need. It just goes to show you that in hiring you they did the best thing they could for their kid. Just because they are born without the "sensitivity chip" doesn't mean they are stupid. Take it as a compliment they choose YOU to be that person in their childrens life.

Adria said...

Nellicat--
So, she'll just have to twirl around the ice forever?


hahahahahahaha. I know you likely didn't intend for that to be as funny as it was to me but in my head I am picturing some little kid twirling around for hours on end.
Once again, likely not intended to be as funny but I am cracking up.
So thanks! I had a wretched day at work and this is the first time I've laughed since last night.

Swiss Nanny said...

I agree, Adria. Ive been cracking up ever since she caught my mistake! lol.

FRN township said...

Another ungrateful nanny.

Listen bitch,
YOU NEED this woman in your life. You need her to be exactly as she is. If she wanted to come home and make cupcakes and curios with her children, maybe she would stuff her children in daycare.

She has hired a professional childcare provider. So shut the fuck up, show her some damn respect and do your job!

NannyInCharge said...

I can understand your frustration on some of those points...like the dishes and dirty counters and such. If you can take great care of the kids and still clean up after yourself and the kids, I think the parents should be able to do that most of the time as well. I do most everything for the main family I work for, but their Mom doesn't leave me a dirty kitchen to work in, as I cook a nice meal every evening. I also don't leave a dirty kitchen for her.

meghan said...

Unless that is part of the job, leaving dirty dishes is FOUL.

Nanny Taxi said...

Woah, FRN! Easy Now! I am just tired of people having kids for decorations! They trot them out immaculately dressed like trophy's, then they are handed over to me!
Why can't Mom wait til the kids are in bed to have her wine and call a few friends. I feel so sorry for these kids, sometimes they leave the movie and seek out her company and she just shoos them away, the end up whining and it's just sad. I've been there on weekends, the kids along with kids from Mom and Dad's friends are together out playing in the sandbox while parents and friends are on the deck drinking! I know it's tough to work for a living, I may be just a nanny but I work very hard, but once you have kids it's not all about you anymore! I am also a Mom, my child is a bit older so he doesn't climb all over me when I get home, but when he was younger he did and he got my full undivided attention. "Me" time began at bedtime for the kids.

loveee it said...

You just described my life....
except I'm a live-in!!!
oh and she puts on cars not Iceage.

Lucky for me, my new job starts March 2nd.

darien said...

I don't think I would enjoy my nanny felt as this nanny does. I have no time for my children in the morning,except to give them a peck on the cheek. I would love to go to work later and drop them at school, but I cannot.

When I come home, you bet I turn the tv on and pour myself a diet dr. pepper. The nanny goes out the door, I change into pajamas and sweats. Then I make dinner or we order in or go out. Some nights we sit on the sofa watching tv together, other nights we might play a board game. I check over their homework and pack their book bags for the next day.

I don't need to defend to my nanny or anyone what I do or don't do on a weeknight. By 6PM, we are all tired. And guess what, there is nothing wrong with that.

I live for my weekends with the children and I pack in as much as I can. Outside of that, there are many holidays and vacations. I dote on my children everyday, but on a daily basis, I don't have a massive quantity of time with them.

They know who there mother is and who there nanny is. The love their nanny with every fiber of their being. She is my salvation. Her energy, creativity and calm keeps me sane and keeps our family running smoothly.

darien said...

Before you spell check a post, do comprehend that we are typing in 2 x 4 inch square box. Mobile.

venus, not williams said...

You aren't special. I say the same things to my mother when she comes for the weekend to watch the children. My husband says the same thing to me when he has spent the day with the children and is on his way out. You're just passing on information.

The balls on you to give yourself such a gigantic pat on the back.

cali mom said...

You're right. Maybe more parents ought to stay home with their own kids. Then spoiled nannies like you would be unemployed and would have nothing to bitch about on blogs.

I love my Newfy! said...

OP:
People are more selfish then EVER! All this "Me time" and "feel sorry for me" stuff drives me nuts!
I don't understand why some people have children. If they really care more about spending time with themselves and drinking wine, why not get the "tubes tied" and play make believe family with "The Sims" computer game?
Some people just like to show off that they have children when friends and co-workers are around, and then toss them aside again until needed.
I have worked for families like this in the past...you are suppose to make the Parents look good to everyone. When you decorate their house for Christmas, make the Birthday cake, paint the 6 year olds toe nails, fix all the boo boo's, take them to get a haircut, etc.....you are suppose to stand to the side and let everyone else think that "Mommy" did all this. I hate it! It's a sick and twisted game.
You don't want to leave the children because you love them like your own, and will worry about how they are being taken care of.
In my 9 years as a Nanny, I have only worked for two families that were like this.
I work for a family of OBGYN's now. They REALLY LOVE their kids and spend every non-working and non-sleeping moment with them (except 2 Saturday evenings a month;-)
I here you OP! Some Families are beyond wonderful and some Families just make you wanna cry!

visitor said...

If someone doesn't care enough about their child to want to spend time with them, they shouldn't have children. I don't think a nanny should be more of a mother to a child than their own mother is. My parents both worked full time when I was a kid, but they still made time for me in the evenings and on the weekends.

JustAMommy said...

Not every mother in the world is an involved, engaged parent. (Nor every father, either, but again, somehow we don't talk about them.)

If this particular mother is somewhat detached, then at least she has the money and sense to hire a good nanny.

Let it go. Her kids will turn out fine, and judging her isn't going to change anything.

(BTW, I speak as someone who spends most of my waking moments revolving life around my kid... the OP just made me glad I'm a SAHM all over again.)

snips and snails said...

OP, you sound like a bitter wife. Except ,unlike a wife, you are being paid to do exactly what a mother does. If you are becoming too annoyed to do your job, then perhaps it is time for you to move along. You are probably just venting, but you sound very judgmental, bitter and petty. 3 things that don't look good on ayone.

Nanny loves her job, but... said...

I am a nanny and although I love the family- they are very good respectable parents-I know as working parents they want to be with their children as much as possible. So I leave the house picked up- dishes in washer, toys picked up, etc.. But usually when I come in the next morning (especially from a weekend off)- toys all over the playroom, bedrooms a mess, and dishes in the sink.

I am use to it but it still gets on my nerves. Whats wrong with having children picking up their toys- or parents picking up the kitchen after children go down.

Nanny Taxi said...

This site is meant to out neglectful nannies, but I think I may have caught some neglectful mommies off guard. When you get all defensive right off the bat, and use excuses like they are working their butts off to pay their nannies. That's not all you are working for and you know it. Everytime you slip on your Prada Shoes, which cost more than your nanny, everytime you jump in your Caddy/Range Rover/Volvo/Saab/HumVee/Lexus which the monthly payments are more than your nannies petty cash stash to take the kids out with. Your kids will appreciate your time much more than a Wii, or a whole bunch of American Girl dolls. Screw the "friends", to hell with the makeup and spend time with your kids before you turn around and they are 21!

been there seen that said...

ok....yes, parents deserve a break when they get home, but there is a difference between wanting to spend time with your kids and holing up in your office or bedroom after work and just plopping them down in front of the tv.

Anonymous said...
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lovesthegirls said...

OP-
I totally understand how you feel. However-- the makeup thing-- well, you and I and other nannies don't have kids climbing up our legs while we are getting ready... when I do overnights I will flip on the TV too if the kids get up earlier than I get my rear end in the shower. Nighttime-- I agree with the poster that said who wants to cut up a magazine at 7pm... that being said... a glass of wine and a story wouldnt hurt... not fair to be on the phone as soon as she/he gets home... stay in the car and finish... the dishes... not fair really but if they acknowledge how clean you keep it then no biggie (at least for me) I know this one is crap to walk into after having the place spic and span but I dont think itll change :P

lovesthegirls said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
nanny jumper said...

It's sad - when I used to work at a Montessori pre-school, there was a family with 2 small boys that sent them there at 7:30 when it opened, and a nanny would come and pick them up at around 4:30-5:00 and would take them home, do dinner and activities, and put them to bed.

I understand parents are working too, but if you literally don't see your children all week (except maybe an hour in the morning), I think something's gotta give.

I've worked for a few families where the parents are very excited to see their kids when they get home - exhausted or not. They actually spend quality time with them. It's a breath of fresh air.

In the same breath though, I've worked for a family that when I got off work at 5:00, they literally come home and bring the girls upstairs and put them to bed (one is almost 3 years old). At 5:00!! They've mentioned a few times how nice it is to have the whole evening to themselves. In the mornings, I'd arrive at 9:00. The girls wake up at 7:00 and the toddler spends an hour of 'alone time' in her crib with toys and books. The kicker - the dad only worked a few (5 or so) hours a week! He played on the computer and went out to lunch and made plans with friends. It blew my mind!

I agree with Nanny Taxi - there are some mom's on here with a strong knee jerk reaction to the OP's post - perhaps they do the same things???

Sympathetic said...

Sometimes being a nanny means you get paid to be a better parent at times. It goes with the job. It's annoying. I also think all these other people on here with negative things to say are definitely not nannies and have no idea what it's like to do what we do. Like the FRN person and their profanity ridden post. It's hard. We are paid to clean, cook, drive, nurture, do laundry, help with homework, bathe and sometimes put to bed and are expected to get these things done in a limited amount of hours when parents couldn't do it to save their lives! This is the life of a person being paid to work in someone else's house. It is what it is.
I sympathize OP and feel the very same way sometimes. If you like the job stay and enjoy the kids if not find another. We need to be happy in our job or all other parts of our life will suffer. Good luck and ignore the negative nellys here.

Gloria said...

I would rather find out that my nanny was squirreling away her friends in my second home (which I don't have) than find out my nanny thought I was such a terrible parent.

But if I were a nanny and I was paid to be a professional childcare provider, you bet I would knock it out of the park.

honest nanny said...

OP,

I definitely see where you are coming from. And I also see where the mom's are coming from.

I worked for one family where the parents would come home and act similar to your situation now. They would ask me not to allow the girls to watch any more than 15 min. of cartoons a day and as soon as they got home they would turn them on to get the girls to leave them alone. Their mom even asked me how I disciplined them and got them to behave for me. Before I left them I was COACHING the MOM on how to handle her own children!!!

Then I worked for another family who were DYING to get home in the evenings to spend time with their son. They would dash home as quickly as possible (sometimes even leave for work early in the morning so they could get home early in the evening) to be with their little guy. He was only awake for about 1.5 - 2 hours after they were home and I know they spent ALL that time doting on him and saved their personal stuff for after he was asleep.

Kids should be going to bed no later than 8pm. Parents, that gives you 2 hours or so to yourselves! Can't it wait a little while? One mom mentioned board games or something - I think that's great. You don't have to educate and nurture the way the nanny does, but a little effort (no tv) goes a long way.

And to whoever said the kids will turn out fine... how do you know? When I was 5 years old I would sneak out and "run away" every night right before my mom was leaving for work. Just for attention because I didn't want her to leave. Eventually she changed her schedule and later became a SAHM and I wouldn't exchange those years she was home for anything. I needed my mom to be there for as much as possible. I'm 24 and I still need her, I'm glad I know she's going to be there for me.

Nanny Taxi said...

I am the OP and I am not saying all parents are like this. I once worked for a family where the Mom was at work by 6 AM, but she was home at 2 PM. She spent quality time with her kids, then the TV went on while she was prepping dinner. It went off again at dinner time. It was refreshing to see a Mom like this. I don't know if this had anything to do with it but they were on the "less privileged" side of the tracks. They lived in a tiny apartment, drove used cars, spent a lot of money at consignment shops and they still had enough to pay me.
I don't want to leave my current job I love my "boogers" too much to do that!! I just wish Mom and yes Dad too, would step up to the plate and be parents instead of just bread winners.

Metronanny said...

FRN Township, your cursing and nastiness doesn't make you seem intelligent dear.

And excellent nannies don't NEED work for people like OP mentioned. Since we are the cream of the crop, we can pick and choose who we work for there is always a demand for us. Not a month goes by when a family doesn't try to filch me from the ones I work for now. Even in the tough economy, excellent nannies are still in demand, thank God!

Metronanny said...

One other thought...

One of the saddest parts of my profession is working in the wealthier circles and seeing women who have kids because it's the thing to do. Their kids are more like accessories to their successful life.

True story.

I worked for a family a few years back. The three year old had surgery on the inside of her cheek to remove a benign growth. The mother brought her home, still groggy from the anesthesia and handed her to me. the baby cried and cried as her mother proceeded to change and then go out for tennis and luncheon at the country club. I called her up because her poor daughter was screaming in pain and wanted comfort from her mom. The witch told me she would be home after dessert. I quit that day.

I don't need to work for people like that.

OP I got your point!

etereia said...

I agree with Nanny Taxi on the "alone time for ME" issue. Once you have kids, you simply don't have such time! I was raised in another country, where parents work full-time and there are no nannies. After school you go home and you do your thing alone until your parents come home. But then you have them all to yourself. I have never ever heard them saying "I need alone time." It just so happened that a couple of years ago all three of us (my brother and sister and I went away almost at the same time - the two of them off to college and myself off to the US). My parents finally had all the "alone time" they could possibly want...and they did not want it. I sent them on a vacation and my mom said: "You know, for the first time in 18 years it is only the two of us and something is missing." Yes, that's right, up to that moment, they took us with them everywhere and they were happy with it.
The whole point of my long post is that I really do not understand this whole "leave mommy alone for a while" business. Thank God, I work for a family that shares my point of view.

chick said...

This reminds me of the old saying, "I was a terrific parent, until I had children!"

I hold myself to really high standards at work. I don't have the TV on at all if possible, I engage the kids, etc., etc. But I am not foolish enough to think that once I have a child of my own I will be leaving work and coming home to fix dinner/help with homework/spend some time playing/go to bed without feeling tired, or turning on the TV for a while just so I can collect myself, or wishing bedtime was earlier.

Parents are human. Yes, there are the people whose kids are their biggest accessories. But I think most parents do the best they can, and judging what they can accomplish in 3 hours each weeknight and on the weekends against what we as nannies are paid to do 50 or so hours per week is arrogant and condescending.

not a nanny said...

Wow, reading some of the comments left by nannies on this thread makes me realize that some kids (and their parents) are really lucky to have them in their lives!

Blah said...

Oh geez... the times that has happened to me. What's even worse, when I'm raising your child and you're barely home, please don't contradict me when I dscipline him. I know why I'm doing it.

Blah said...

Except this mother I used to work for, didn't work. She just spent the day at the gym and having fun times with her friends, while I was home pretty much raising her kids.

mwatson said...

I have just started being a nanny, and being a stand in mom is something I worry about. The parents I work for are really great but are very busy professionals, who work from home and in their 50's don't have loads of time for a 9 year old. I can tell my kid would rather be with his mom than with me, and sometimes I think he should be, and wonder why they have a nanny. I wonder how much of my time with him I am meant to spend raising him and teach him manners etc, how much is just having someone to look after him to make sure he does his homework and piano and drum lessons. I think I might be there for the parents peace of mind, than for my kid's. There are some days where I can see how needed I am and others I almost feel bad taking their money because I feel like they don't really need me. I suppose if I were in the same position to afford someone to do the mundane work and I just had to put my kid to bed and play with him a bit on the weekends I might do the same thing. It is a difficult time for families because moms and dads both want and need careers to be fulfilled, but that does not diminish their desire for children. There is no possible way for them to be full time parents and full time workers, I suppose as long as my kid keeps preferring him mom to me and I keep him occupied and safe I am doing my job, I just don't want to have the job of "mom".

nannyneedsanap said...

Ya know, I don't care if you want to come home and have a glass of wine and put on a video for the kids, but for god's sake, when you finish the wine, do me a favor and wash out your own frickin glass! And if you don't like how I clean your counters, then clean them yourself. At least I'm cleaning, which is more than you do! And please don't call me at 8:00 begging me to come back and help you put your kids to bed!