Thursday

Loemann's in NYC Upper West Side

Received Thursday, January 15, 2009
nanny sighting logo Loemann's in NYC on upper west side - (72nd and Broadway) 3:30 on Jan 15th - 2 African American nannies - each had 1 child in a stroller - 1 boy around 2 and a girl around 18 months. The girl was very upset (and her hands seemed very cold - it was a very cold day today) crying very, very loudly for at least 15 minutes = her nanny was there doing nothing as the other one went to shop. After several minutes I confronted the nanny and said 'shouldn't you do something'? she said - like what? I said - 'like comfort her or something'? She said - I work with her every day and she needs a nap - I said well don't you think you should not be shopping and take her home for a nap? She told me to mind my f-ing business. The little girl had brown hair and big brown eyes - very cute. Don't remember too much else other than she had a pink snowsuit and large sippy cup with a character on it. The nanny was around 5'3'' and around 30 yrs old. other nanny was taller.

25 comments:

MissDeeLovesSnowDays said...

When you say the child's hands were very cold, I am guessing that she wasn't wearing gloves. I am not too sure about NY weather, however today in south central WI, several schools were closed due to windchills. This nanny couldn't figure out something was wrong with this child?! Oh yeah, I shop with my charge all the time-he picks out great stuff for me-and I ALWAYS make sure he is bundled before we head out. I'm glad you said something OP.

Philly Nanny said...

Um, Is Loemann's an outdoor market? Because I often take my charges' gloves off when we go inside...

I've said it over and over again: abusive, neglectful or dangerous behavior? SAY SOMETHING!
Kid looks tired, uncomfortable or crabby: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! Kids get pissy! They cry! I took care of a kid who, for the first three months, screamed like a banshee every time we left the house.

I like the way you spoke to her too. "Shouldn't you do something?" That's classic. You need to get a life of your own.

Beezle said...

While it bothers me to see nannies on-duty dragging their charges along with them to run personal errands, it also bothers me when I see people overreact on this blog. Granted, based on your description this nanny should have oriented her attention to her charge and consoled her rather than her shopping list. She also could've responded to your comment/suggestion in a more civil way. This isn't as big of a deal as say... the Jan. 14th posting about the nanny at DSW Shoe Warehouse. Though, it does go to show yet another example of some of the completely apathetic, nasty-tempered nannies I see littered about in this city.



18 mos. olds will throw tantrums for a garden variety of reasons...exhaustion being a primary one. I don't think your suggestion to the nanny was helpful or necessary. It seems like your comment was just fuel for her cantankerous fire.



Also, I know precisely what Loemanns you're talking about and know that it's a heated INDOOR store. That could explain the lack of gloves...

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
10:28PM re-post said...

RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS:
Anonymous said...
It was good that you say something when you see something that you might think is wrong, but she answered you that the baby needed a nap and should have accepted her answer and walked away. Kids cry for the most stupid reasons, so you can't assume that she was hurting the baby.

10:28 PM
(You need a moniker)

you_people_are_cold said...

Kids cry, yes, but when an 18-month-old cries long and loud for 15 minutes, they need to be attended to, and comforted. An 18-month-old is not a 6-year-old. It's a baby.

I mean really, who among us would treat a dog that way this nanny treated her child? It isn't a question of some kid having a tantrum, that was abundantly clear from the post. But even if it had been, that is still something that requires attention.

You all who think this is an overreaction are OK with paying someone to do personal errands while ignoring your kids? If you really that nonchalant about a situation such as was described in the OP, send your kid to the cheapest daycare you can find, and save some money.

Beezle said...

You people are cold:


I specifically indicated I wasn't ok with nannies running personal errands with their charges. I'm not taking the side of the nanny in this case. I just think the OP blew the situation a bit out of proportion. I've seen both parents and nannies handle public tantrums in many different ways ranging from "trying too hard (and ineffectively) to get the child to calm down" to "ignoring the temper tantrum in a hope that the child will stop on their own." You must remember that different people execute different parenting/child-rearing styles. And if every Tom, Dick, and Harry off the sidewalk offered their two cents it would be completely ridiculous and meddlesome.

One at a time said...

What's really ridiculous here:

1. This person thinks the girl's hands seemed cold. Did you touch them? Were they blue? Covered in icicles? People like to invent evidence to make themselves feel right.

2.I have been to that Loehmann's (yep there's an H) a few times. It has 2 floors and is almost always crowded. Did you sit with this woman for 15 minutes? You really didn't leave that one section of the store?

3.If you were really, truly concerned and have enough knowledge about dealing with children to know that this girl needed help I'm sure you could have come up with something more helpful than "Shouldn't you do something?" and "Stop shopping." It sounds to me like you are some self-righteous woman who was upset about crying interrupting your afternoon shopping.

--I am not sticking up for the nanny here, sounds like she's no Mary Poppins. But people need to stop sticking their noses in, especially when they ahve nothing useful to say--

you_people_are_cold said...

I really do see your point, Beezle and others, but I re-read the post yet again and I am seeing this scene in my mind and it just kind of breaks my heart for the little girl. Maybe saying something was ineffectual but IMO it wasn't out of line. Of course none of us were there so we don't know what really happened, but I really think most people who care enough to come post an incident here witnessed something truly out of line and disturbing and worthy of comment. And to me, standing off to the side in a store while a very young child cries loudly - for any length of time really, but especially for 15 minutes, a very long time to hear a child cry indeed - is simply reprehensible. In a daycare situation that would be negligent, and the other workers at the daycare most definitely would say or do something about it if THEY were any good at their jobs - but somehow this nanny who is supposed to be giving a child one-on-one attention should get a pass from others in the store, who after all are the ONLY people who can hold her accountable at that moment?

No, it's not anyone's job to hold a negligent nanny accountable, but if people think that we should all just look the other way when children are being neglected in full view of the public, then I don't see why those people come to this blog, 'cause I thought ISYN was all about holding folks accountable.

I guess it comes down to what you consider neglect, so once more I'll just say that as someone who is around little kids a lot, a nanny who lets an 18-month-old strapped into a stroller cry for 15 minutes while she just stands there, in a place which has nothing to do with her job which is taking care of that child, is negligent and deserved to hear from a concerned person just as much as a waitress who sneezed on food, or a security guard seen shoplifting, would deserve a call-out. Because their actions affect others, and in this case a very small and helpless other.

I dunno, probably I'm not explaining myself well, I just must be coming from a different point of view. Because it doesn't sound like a difference in childrearing styles but a case of a person tasked with caring for an 18-month-old who was not doing so to the obvious and extreme distress of the child, and in that case I think people are well within their rights to say something.

Faraj said...

IMO, you are never wrong when you speak up for a child. If you feel that the child was in distress, that is who you speak for. The adults can fend for themselves or defend themselves, as they shamelessly do on this blog.

This blog is about nannies who aren't great at their job. All you nannies need to deal with that.

Philly Nanny said...

Cold, I agree that this nanny sounds sub par, even negligent, though you are right when you say that we weren't there, so who knows really...

I guess what bugs me is that people-- whether their intentions are good or not--do the children absolutely no good by speaking up in the manner than this person did.

Faraj:

I don't think it's wrong to post things like this on the site--that's what it's for. Giving the parents a chance to find out what their nanny is doing is great, but I fail to see how saying "Are you going to do something?" is productive.

oh well said...

Yes, "shouln't you do something?" is probably not going to elicit a well-meaning response. I have had my share of bad looks and comments when my kid was throwing a tantrum in a store, so I can see where the nanny's coming from. Still, it is obvious to me that the nanny was clearly putting her shopping needs before the affective needs of the child. And although I get a number of things wrong as a mom, I would never let my child cry for such an amount of time in a store! So we can all pounce on OP, but I am glad that she said something and that she reported it. This is exactly what this site should be about.

nellicat said...

Perhaps rather than "Shouldn't you do something" we can offer to help. "Wow, your charge is really worked up. Can I help you calm her down? or "is there anything I can do to help you guys?" That may generate relief rather than defensiveness. It's not wrong to speak up, but you're not going to do any good by making the nanny defensive and pissed off.

Anonymous said...
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cali mom said...

Maybe she was trying to do her employer's shopping, so as not to get chastised for not getting all her "chores" done during the day.

Wow! said...

cali mom,
Loehman's is a clothing store. I doubt anyone would send their nanny out to buy them clothes. Also, as the OP said, was just sitting there while her friend shopped

cali mom said...

OK, for some reason I had the impression it was a grocery store. So the nanny needed to pay attention to her charges' needs, or at least take her outside until she could calm down/fall asleep etc. Regardless of why a child is crying and whether or not the caregiver can stop them, it is rude to subject everyone in a business to the screams of the child.

C. Sucks said...

Cali Mo,
Not surprised. Do you realize how insignificant you and your Cali beliefs are? If it isn't happening in NY, it isn't happen.

Contain waxing on about things you can never fully comprehend.

cali mom said...

LOL sucky, got prunes?

BTW, were you trying to say something coherent?

Purple said...

i would have tended to the baby to figure out what was bothering her.

but i still think you should have minded your own business. seriously, why would anyone be that cold inside a store?

DowntoEarth said...

I see all the nannies sticking up for this person and making excuses.
The point of the post was the person that was actually there,saw this child crying for over 15 and the nanny did not approach the child or try to comfort here at all and then got vulgar about it. I dont think I want our nanny throwing the f word around my kids and I am paying her to take care of my kids not sit on her ass somewhere and let the kid cry. Most mothers would be upset if they heard the nanny was pulling this crap ,not ask if they actually touched the kids hands to see if they were really cold.
I believe a nanny is hired to protect love and take care of the needs of a child?? WELL this "nanny" wasn't doing that was she? No she was sitting down or going on shopping and letting an 18 month old cry and scream and doing nothing about it. I see an amazing amount of people taking this slackards side lol Now I am wondering just how many of those are nannies.

Jacqui said...

Downtoearth, how could you possibly know if it's only nannies "sticking up" for her. Don't make assumptions.

This nanny sounded cold. But OP sounds like a busy body with too much time to exagerrate and elaborate. Bad combination. I really don't think anyone was right in this situation, nanny OR nosy OP.

Anonymous said...

Are any of you Nannies? As a mother I would assume that this site is for what? To be that snoop next door, the busy body who seems to be looking out for their neighbors but is really a judgmental person who almost always gets the wrong impression. Mothers always say that they what a loving, caring nanny one who will "treat their children as their own" but really if one truly does treat their loved ones as their own the mother seems to suggest that they are over stepping their boundaries? Where is the line? To one mother something may not be a big deal to the other it is unbelievable. Where does the judgment stop? Clearly this nanny is not the nurturing type but maybe just maybe this woman didn't really stand there as, she says for 15 min, just maybe it was two and she was just appalled at the thought that the pretty little brown hair, brown eyed girl was being mistreated. Come On NO ONE really knows what happened and to judge is just Arrogant and Wrong! By the way, how did this woman know she was a nanny? Was it by the way she looked? Think about that!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Are any of you Nannies? said...

Are any of you Nannies? As a mother I would assume that this site is for what? To be that snoop next door, the busy body who seems to be looking out for their neighbors but is really a judgmental person who almost always gets the wrong impression. Mothers always say that they what a loving, caring nanny one who will "treat their children as their own" but really if one truly does treat their loved ones as their own the mother seems to suggest that they are over stepping their boundaries? Where is the line? To one mother something may not be a big deal to the other it is unbelievable. Where does the judgment stop? Clearly this nanny is not the nurturing type but maybe just maybe this woman didn't really stand there as, she says for 15 min, just maybe it was two and she was just appalled at the thought that the pretty little brown hair, brown eyed girl was being mistreated. Come On NO ONE really knows what happened and to judge is just Arrogant and Wrong! By the way, how did this woman know she was a nanny? Was it by the way she looked? Think about that!