Friday, January 9, 2009
Dear Smug Nanny,
Just like the housing bubble has driven our current economic mess, so has the nanny bubble. What is the nanny bubble? A bunch of glorified babysitters not only being overpaid but demanding benefits not relevant or deserving. I cannot wait for said nanny bubble to pop.
In the end, we will have nannies who work the jobs they are told to work for an appropriate, not inflated amount of money.
In addition, look for these changes.
-The median nanny hourly salary will be $2.00 an hour OVER minimum wage. Not $12 an hour, Not $15 dollars an hour.
-All nannies will work on the books and be responsible wholly for their portion of IRS taxes and medicare. That's right.
-Nannies will be given two weeks paid vacation. Both weeks vacation will be at the discretion of the employer. The first week vacation is not to be taken prior to the seventh month or work and the second week of vacation shall come within the 12 th month of service. All nannies will be given five paid holidays. Sick days will accrue at the rate of one paid sick day for every six months worked.
-Nannies will be required to dress in nanny uniforms so they are easily recognizable when in public. This national nanny uniform will involve a yellow polo style top and black pants. The nanny will also be required to wear black athletic shoes. No high heels, wedges or fancy boots will be permitted. A "bee look" will easily differentiate nannies or paid caregivers from mothers, mils, aunts, etc.
-Upon hire, all nannies will be photographed. One copy of said nanny photograph will remain with employer and the second will be mailed off to the national nanny database which among other things will contain a listing of "Nannies working" categorized geographically.
-This same national database will keep track of negligent nannies, deceitful nannies, nannies who steal and nannies who misrepresent their qualifications. Said national database will be freely accessible to all potential nanny employers and contain photographs of the nannies.
-Excepting live-in nannies, all nannies will be required to arrive at work with their food provisions for the day. This shall include all edibles and sufficient beverage supply so that the employer's food supply is not infringed upon by the nanny's needs.
-All nannies will be provided a telephone by employers. Said telephone will allow outgoing phone calls to five pre programmed phone numbers as well as 911. The telephone is to remain with nanny at all times as it also contains a GPS system that will track the nannies movements and send reports to the parents via computer.
-Nannies will began assuming the following responsibilities in addition to the tasks of nanny- meal preparation, dishes, cleaning the kitchen after breakfast and lunch, vacuuming the home, making beds, family laundry, mopping the kitchen floor. This limited cleaning tasks will assure that the home remains sanitary and safe for the children during the parent's absence.
-No nanny shall be permitted to have guests to the home, except with written permission by the parents.
-No nanny shall at anytime meet up with, ride with or otherwise congregate with any person or persons unknown to the parents of the child.
-At the parents discretion, the nanny will be subjected to drug tests. Should the nanny refuse to take said drug test, she shall be immediately terminated.
-The nanny shall bring her possessions into the home and out of the home in a clear, see through vinyl bag. In the absence of such bag, the nanny shall use clear Ziploc bags to transport her belongings to and from the home. This will alleviate any temptation to steal.
-The nanny will have a designated "break time" during the day. Even though she may be with a child during said time, this shall be her one and only allotted time to make or return any personal phone calls. If the nanny maintains her own cell phone, it should at all times remain on vibrate. The nanny is not permitted to answer the phone at any other time other than this 1/2 hour break.
-The nanny will be required to document the days activities in a notebook for the parents. Said documentation will include details of what the children ate during the day, the activities the nanny and children did, any outings, injuries, complaints, sickness, etc.
-The nanny will be advised in advance that if she is fired for any justifiable reason such as theft, insubordination or mistreatment of a child, she should NOT expect any severance pay.
-The nanny will be required to have CPR and First Aid certification and maintain current said certification at HER expense.
additionally, for Live-In Nannies-
-The live-in nanny shall be required to weekly room checks to assure home owner that the condition of the room remains sanitary and undamaged.
-No alcohol, drugs, pornography shall be allowed in the home at any time.
All medications, even OTC brought in to the home should be cleared with employer.
-No overnight guests shall be permitted.