Received Monday, October 27, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
My employers are expecting their second baby this year.
Recently the mom started telling me about their financial situation which is unusual for me. We talk fairly comfortably and I even consider her my friend, although she is my employer...a consideration that other nannies warned me to reconsider.
Anyway, we haven't discussed my change of wages for when the baby arrives and tonight was the second time she tried to discuss their financial situation with me, by saying that they have their documents laying around the house and I am a part of what goes on in the house etc, so I shouldn't jump to conclusions that they are well off, so to speak, when I see what the documents state and the figures. Firstly I was taken aback and said, that although I do see their documents laying around, I don't really care that they are there and I don't think anything of the figures on them.
So, I am jumping to the conclusion that they think I am a snoop...when I really do think and take to heart that they do the best that can be afforded regarding my salary...seeing that they don't really pay me a "fair wage" reflecting on what other nannies in my area work for.
But I never really cared about that fact because my life is simple and I could still get the important things done, like pay my bills for instance.
And secondly, I have at the back of my mind that they intend to be "unfair" (maybe thats not the right word) when the baby comes and we discuss salaries again, and they are just putting things in place so that I would be, so to speak, aware of their financial situation from the beginning.
I am so distraught about the point that she thinks I literally read their papers when I do actually see them around and I might have glanced at a couple a couple of times but the most I do is stack mail together to tidy up. I never look through their things or go through anything personal.
And I am unsure about what to expect when the baby comes.
For the record I work in NYC, 5days, 45hrs, my starting salary was less than $500 and I have been employed for 2.5 years.
I was raised to the said $500 (which is, and perhaps more, a starting salary in NYC) this year...thankfully :)
How would others handle a situation like this??
19 comments:
Simple, look for another job. How can you survive on $500.00 a week in the city? And not just that your working alot of hours for that.
Do you love this job? They are getting you cheap. But if you love the job and dont want to quit and get another then I wouldnt worry that they think you snoop. Obviously they dont care or they wouldnt leave things laying around. But the woman might not be wanting to increase your pay when the baby gets here and that is just unfair. I would have a hard time with that.
It all depends on what you want. Do you feel like you need more money for when the new baby comes? If so, then I think you know you need to talk to them. A new baby is going to be double the work for you and not receiving a pay raise is like taking a pay cut. But if you feel like taking on double the work for the same pay, that is your personal decision.
She's saying that because she wants you to know she wont be paying you loads more for double the work.
It is hard to talk about money with your employer overall. At least it is for me. And for me, it makes it twice as hard when I'm friends with the employer!
My first nanny position was a lot like yours, money wise, I knew that I was getting an "un fair" wage, but I sucked it up because I needed the experience to eventually get a better paying job. Which I have now, thanks to the AMAZING reference my first employer gave me. At that time though, I considered my life, my bills and so on. And being as I was 18/19 during that year, I still lived with my parents and didn't have a lot of bills. I'm almost 21 now and glad that I spent that year screwing myself over, so to speak. (knowing i could be making more).
but I never had the guts to ask for more money, i have a hard time asking for raises anyway. But here is what I think you should do and what I should have done: confront them and tell them how you feel.
confrontation is usually best. Even if I should eat my own words!!
Perhaps it is her guilt talking that she is aware that they don't pay you up to par... and is worried that you have, indeed, looked at the figures they bring in. Just food for thought? Good luck!
OP, I am not sure she was saying you are a snoop. I am always worried about leaving papers in plain sight because I know for a fact that some people around me will read them if they see them, and I think it is impossible to keep everything private when you have a nanny in your home, and it does not feel comfortable, so I think what she was saying regarding the papers was more about how she feels than about what she thinks you did. It could also be part of a (lame) maneuver to make you accept less money. In any case you should not take it personally but ask her as plainly and as directly as you can if you are going to get a raise when the baby comes and how much it is going to be. If she does not give you a straight answer, but keeps referring to her financial situation, she will be sending you a definite signal.
I keep reading these comments over and over and I try not to feel too hurt and to be thankful for the small mercies because I have been is a far worse job situation before this.
I was just so blown away and I wish they could just be honest and tell me what is actually on their mind so I could put things in place.
I just don't think they could be trusted anymore.
I am thankful for my job opportunity, they treat me well despite my wages which I have grown to accept.
My toddler and I are inseparable, she is brilliant, independent, and performs way beyond her years. I believe I am the one who gave her this remarkable start, speaking from the praise her parents receive from one and all that come into contact with them and witness how well behaved their toddler is.
I have to also mention that the child is a monster when with the parents and they could never get her to do anything without a power struggle. To me, after two and a half years, they are still clueless as to what they are doing and now that a baby is coming, they could create another disaster for themselves.
I can't wait for the baby to arrive.
I can't wait to do it all over again with a new baby.
What I deemed happened to me is that after two and a half years they have failed to figure out exactly what kind of person I am. I feel demoted, I feel unappreciated that the would plan to "screw me over" so soon before and most of all, I would be devastated if I would have to leave my little one. I feel like crying. I wish this would just all go away and I could go back to working for my little wage and being content, enjoying my job.
This morning, coming to work actually felt like a burden for the first time. I couldn't sleep last night because I am becoming over anxious and worried.
This morning, everything was the same old, like nothing happened.
Thanks for all the comments and for hearing me out.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I personally think that your employer brought up the whole thing not to accuse you of being a snoop, but to (hint,hint..) that they are having financial problems which may be true or not. Then when the new baby comes, she can use that conversation as a reference when saying that they will be unable to pay you more. In other words, she is planning ahead. I personally think when the baby comes, before you start caring for him or her, you should discuss a new payrate. For example, you can say..."Mrs___, I just wanted to discuss something with you before I forget, what is your pay rate for two children since I will be caring for the new baby as well?"...It may even be best to discuss this prior to her giving birth since once the new baby is born, things may be a little off for awhile. If she refers to thier money problems and such, I would not stay with her. For two children, a newborn!! included, $10/hour is not very much. I live in San Diego and this just would not cut it.
But it is a personal decision. I know the economy is tough and I am having a hard time myself looking for a nanny job, so those may be additional factors you may need to consider OP.
Best of luck to you.
OP, do you really think that $500/week is a starting salary for a nanny in NYC? I don't know your qualifications, but a hostess in a restaurant makes at least $10-$12/hour in this city. Your job requires a great deal more responsibility and you could be making $15/hour minimum to begin with. That's $700/week.
It's all well and good to CHOSE to make less than your worth (if that's your prerogative), but you should at least KNOW what you are worth.
$500/week , 45 hours a week in Manhattan is horrible. I hate to be rude, but it is! You are being taken advantage of. $500 is not the starting salary of even live-in's in Manhattan. Unless you are really looking to stay with them, I would move on and get a much higher paying position, there are plenty out there! Especially with your experience-you deserve it! Eric's mom is right-you cant live on $500 a week in NYC.
She's trying to hint to you that you're not getting any more $$ when the new baby comes - leaving their financial documents lying out, talking to her about their finances, etc. I'd be looking for another opportunity.
I work about 1/2 mile from you and make 1100 a week and I do all the snooping I want!
Totally look for another job. They can't afford you. Whether they have the money or not, they aren't willing to shell it out, so move on.
Gigi
How many hours/kids do you watch? And how did you find your job? Maybe, you can recommend the resources to her. Was it an agency?
Thanks
Gigi, if you could share your connection with me that would be awesome and very very much appreciated.
I can be emailed at nannyinmanhattan@yahoo.com
Yes everyone, its me, sorry :(
I was trying to remain anonymous because of humiliation.
I'm still waiting for that "conference" with my employers when the baby actually does come, if it doesn't go well, I would sadly have to move on and gathering options at this point is not a bad idea.
Thanks again for all the excellent advice and helping me get some perspective on this situation.
nanny,
do not leave without making photocopies of every document thay lay out and two photo copies of every document you have to go hunting for.
signed,
Beth
NNP (representing nannies)
Definately do something about this. I'm a nanny in Texas and make approx. $575/wk. IMO $500/wk is pocket change for someone who lives in NYC. How can you even afford to live on that? Please say something hon, you're being taken advantage of!
I'm a nanny in Philadelphia and I make $550 for a 35 hour work week. There is NO WAY I'd work in Manhattan of all paces for less than that. Please either say something OR look for a new job. I'm not saying money is the most important thing in the world; but that salary isn't even competitive for your location.
Post a Comment