Received Monday, September 29, 2008 - Perspective & Opinion
I am a former nanny who now offers care from my home, but still for only one family at a time. Recently I've had to seek employment with a new family, and after four interviews I declined two offers, and was holding out for the family that I thought I would be most compatible with. They did not call for the entire weekend nor by the following Monday afternoon after their Friday afternoon interview. A family that I had turned down due to a lack of consistency in their schedule called me back asking me to consider providing temporary care for their daughter for the remainder of the mother's pregnancy (3 months) because she suddenly found herself on bedrest. They were willing to compromise in scheduling to accommodate me and even share with another family if I found one in the meantime. I agreed.
The next day the family I had been hoping for called me with an offer. I explained that I agreed to a temporary situation already with another family, but that the family was willing to share if they would be open to that. They told me they'd get back with me and then sent me an email asking if I would agree to a reduced rate (about a quarter cut) during the time that they had to share. I agreed that that seemed fair and they agreed to see me in a week from Monday to begin care. During that week and a half they came back to me with an adjustment in their schedule in which they were going to be arriving 45 minutes earlier (5:30am !). I agreed since this is when my husband leaves in the morning anyway. After I started caring for their daughter I realized that they were going to be consistently arriving at around 5:15 am. I approached them about the fact that this was a full hour earlier than we agreed upon in our initial contract, and while it was only five extra hours per week it was a VERY inconvenient five hours. I was perfectly candid with them, and told them that I probably would not have entertained accepting a position with them if these had been the advertised hours. I asked them if they would consider adjusting their rate as I adjusted their schedule. The mother gave me an immediate and adamant NO.
The next thing to happen was when I approached them for a week of vacation time after they'd been with me just over a month. In my contract it states that I will take up to two consecutive (but could be separate) weeks of vacation time, and that I will give them one month notice of time needed. I told them on September 8th that I needed the week of Oct 6-10 to attend a conference with my husband. The mother immediately gave me a firm no, and explained that that was not enough notice for them to make other arrangements. I mentioned that my contract said one month notice, and she responded that this was already the 8th, and that she was "given to understand" that vacation meant summer time. I told her I didn't know who gave her the understanding, because it wasn't I, and that my husband needed me to have this time. I asked her to see what she could arrange before she gave me her answer, and she agreed. She got back to me on it almost a week later and said that they'd arranged something, and was VERY short with me over it. Almost ugly and spiteful in the way she said "so take YOUR vacation, and enjoy it." These two issues compounded with little things here and there really got me considering whether or not I should give them my resignation. It didn't motivate me to stay with them when I began to see how other family is VERY easy going, and great to work for, AND are willing to firm up their schedule for me when the new baby arrives. I agonised over it for a few weeks, and finally when it began to affect my family life (mildly so no details necessary) I decided to resign. I told them last Friday and gave them a very eloquent letter alleviating them of responsibility, and for an entire week the mother has not spoken to me. She corresponds with me through her husband and notes. She won't even look at me when I wave at her. The father told me this past Friday that they found new care, and their daughter's last day would be two weeks from then. TWO more WEEKS? I feel incredibly awkward, and can't stand working with them under these conditions. I feel like I can't call the mother during the day for little details, and the father doesn't have answers to little detail questions. I can't stand the discord, and the feelings it leaves me with long after she's gone. I want to tell her to get over it and act like a professional adult or go ahead and leave. Would you? Or would you just suck it up, and enjoy the little one for the two more weeks?
43 comments:
Your best bet is to suck it up. It's not the kids fault so enjoy her for these last two weeks.
You can call it 'paying your dues' or whatever but if you think you can I would stick with it. It shows YOU are the better person. You didn't resort to the childish antics of the parents and you held up your end of the bargain.
Anonymous said...
I am a nanny and totally feel where you are coming from. It is childish for the Mother to act the way she is acting, but on the other hand, asking for a vacation on a month after you started, is way too soon! If I were to start a new job, I would not ask for any time off or especially a vacation for at least 3 months. ESPECIALLY if I was working from my own home!
5:23 PM
RE-POST FOR ANONYMOUS!
If I were you I would try and take the high ground and just suck it up for the two remaining weeks. I understand how I you feel though, and I wish you luck!
Do whatever you really want to do, but really, I think you ought to tell her that her behavior is childish and unprofessional, and she needs to cooperate with you on her child's care or you will not continue to watch her child. You're already leaving and you have another job, so what have you got to lose? Be polite, but firm. This isn't your problem, and you shouldn't have to deal with it if you don't want to.
On the other hand, if you feel like it'll be less of a headache to just suck it up for another few weeks, then do that.
Life is TOO short for you to waste ANY of it in this situation. How is her life and obligations YOUR responsibility? How stressful for YOU and YOUR family. I would inform them you will no longer be accepting their child into your care after the date you originally set. Simple as that. Send it in a note, tell the father or send an email. This is THIER problem, don't make it yours any longer!
It's the type of profession where the 'break-up' is never an easy one because it is so emotionally involved. Sounds like the mom had issues to begin with so this is just one more thing for her to complain about in this world. Your time is almost over, all you can do is continue to smile and carry on with how you usually would, and then they'll realize what they lost once you're gone.
i think you should just deal with it. $$$... and it's almost over.
I would just suck it up since it's only 2 weeks.
OP,
there is some good advice here, from posters who I adore, like emily and yaya. However, I would personally choose to tell them that their care is ending on the set date: I would be firm about this. However, if you do choose to "suck it up" you are a far better person than I am, and it only speaks highly of your character. You are truly a nice person (as are the poeple who told you to take the high road and deal with it a little longer). I am so sorry that these people...well, suck. In plain English, they suck. You don't deserve this treatment.
Good luck keep us udated please!
I know of no job where you can take vacation within one month of starting. Usually it is six months or a year before you accrue enough to to vacation. Were you expecting to be paid???
I think you guys are not a good match, but the mother entrusted you with the care of her child, and you have been wishy washy. They weren't clear about the hours, but you have expected a lot: sharing you, negotiating leaving, etc. Just suck up with two weeks and move on.
YOU already told them the date that you will cease to provide them with your services, so why should THEY be allowed to bring their child to you at any point AFTER that? Inform them that since the contract ends on the date you gave them, their rate for the 2 weeks following it will be $XX.00. (Their current rate plus whatever you decide is appropriate.) Let them decide if they want to pay the new rate or make other arrangements for their aditional 2 weeks. If they will not agree to whatever new rate you tell them, and they come knocking on your door at 5:15 AM expecting to drop and run, don't answer. Period. I guarantee you they will suddenly find a way to make other arrangements work.
upstate mom:
I know of a job in which you can take a vacation within one month: it's called being self-employed and calling your own shots. Sounds like these people want an employee: they don't want to be clients. there is a big difference.
OP has not been wishy-washy: they have. Expecting her to take their child at 5:30 am? Please. You can't get that care easily. OP is in the right here. These people are asses.
I think you were in the wrong from the GET GO. You took on a job, didn't you realize your husband's business conference was coming up?
Are you his secretary or do you just not take your professional committments seriously?
I don't think you sound committed or sharp enough to watch my children, but had I let you, I would be so pissed at you that I think you would see it on my face too. The poor family is probably kicking themselves because they were deciding between you and some other gal and they chose you and now the other girl is no longer available.
I mean you do have to think of what you put other people through. A month notice is NOT enough notice if you provide in home daycare. It just isn't. I require my nanny to give me three months notice when she intends to take her vacation. She doesn't have any problem with that.
I think Cali mom's suggestion of offering to watch them for the extra 2 weeks at a new rate is a great one.
You need three months' notice of vacation? What if nanny suddenly gets sick; what do you do? Surely it doesn't take three whole months to make alternate care arrangements for your child.
What Calimom said.
Can I change my vote? I like Calimom's idea much better than mine.
It makes me SO MAD when parents get angry because you cannot provide care for their child once in a while. A month's notice should be PLENTY of time to find alternative childcare plans. These parents want to have their cake and eat it too: they want all the benefits of having a child without actually ever having to care for their child or sacrifice any time they could be spending on their careers or their "me time". News flash, parents: nannies and babysitters get sick or have to go on vacation sometimes, and no, they can't always let you know five billion years in advance. Guess what? Your child is YOURS. He or she is ultimately YOUR responsibility. If you have a child, get a job that is FLEXIBLE, not one that requires you to be at an office 24/7 and doesn't allow you to miss a single day. And always, always have a plan B for childcare. Maybe even a plan C.
Sorry for the rant! OP, don't let these people bully you. I liked cali mom's plan a lot. Good luck!
Emily - I agree with curious. Are you one of those employers that gets pissed if your nanny is sick one day? Yikes!
Emily, seriously. Did you even read what the OP wrote? It was the employer who came up with the month notice, no OP. If you need three months, then great, you need three months, however, don't state something up front as in a contract and then regress on it because it's inconcenient.
Kill her with kindness and suck it up for the next two weeks. At least the end is in sight, right? Enjoy your time with the little one. Definitely don't slack on your rules with them either, be very firm on them and don't let them take advantage of you. It's very unfortunate they treated you like this- it sounds like you were super flexible and willing to work with them.
And also OP, I am not clear on whether you or they devised the contract, but I'd clarify that "one month notice" part to say "30 days". That way if you tell them day 1 of a 31-day month, you're covered. Technically, you only gave them 29 days notice of your vacation but they sound like pain in the ass clients, and since they are getting 5 hours a week FREE from you, they are completely unreasonable to make an issue of it. Figure in your hourly rate times 5 hours a week for however many weeks they got away with not paying you for it, divide it by 2, and add it on top of their current rate to calculate their new rate for the temp 2 weeks that they want to book you for.
I think you asked for vacaction time way too soon, but it doesn't really matter when I guess. If your contract says you can get vacation time, you will get vacation time.
they were violating your contract by arriving earlier then you agreed on anyway.
If it were me, I'd suck it up for two weeks. It would show that you're being the bigger person here.
I would be very nice and professional, but I would also adjust the rates so that you are getting paid those 5 extra hours. That makes a difference!
Oh wow. I'm the one who submitted this a few weeks ago… haha. It's great to see it on here and get all this feedback! So here we are on week two in which I did decide to suck it up, and continue care despite the Mom’s attitude. Dad told me at the door one early morning that the bottom line was that the only other place willing to take their little girl that early was an in home day care with six other children, and they didn’t have a slot open until Oct 6. What could I do? I feel bad that I can’t work with them, but there are too many nice people in the world to work under those conditions. Oh and it’s gotten worse. I got a check with a $65 cut in pay last week (off of the already reduced rate). I called Friday evening to inquire the reason, and she said she was taking a sick day for that week and the next (I provide them with 3 sick days in my contract for which they do not need to pay me). I responded that I had had their daughter every day that week. She said that she was not going to actually USE the sick day, but that she wanted to take it since she wouldn’t be afforded that in the future. I reasoned that I only provide them with the COURTESY of ANY non pay sick days is partially because that gives me a day off as well. No day off… no unpaid sick day provided for. She hung up on me!! Since she did not answer my call after that I sent her an email yesterday to request that she include the unpaid portion of last week, and the full amount for this week in her check Friday morning or I would be holding her equipment. It’s ridiculous.
Ok first upstatemom:
No, I was not expecting paid vacation. That is one of the perks for parents in my CONTRACT. It states that I will take up to two consecutive weeks vacation unpaid with a one month notice given.
I haven’t been wishy washy. When they finally got around to calling me to tell me they wanted my services (I figured they’d gone with someone else) I told them I had already accepted a position. THEN I offered them the opportunity to share if they wanted since the other position was temporary and open to that. They said they wanted to do so at a reduced rate which I accommodated them on. As far as negotiating leave…. Again, it was in my contract that they signed.
Emily:
I knew my husband had a conference coming up, but families have never been invited before. The organization decided just before before I informed the parents to give families a free ride attendance on the FY08’ surplus in the budget. Due to my husband’s position, the unspoken is that I’m obligated to be there. However, since I take my professional commitments as seriously as his, I would not have entertained going at all had it not been within the reasonable one month notice stated in my CONTRACT with the parents.
You require your nanny to give you three months notice of vacation? I’m glad I’ve never had the unique experience of working for you. Also I might add that my relationship with my parents is a mutual one. I am self employed working out of my own home not their employ. They sign my contract, not vice versa, for the service I provide. Which is not FYI “home daycare”. Since I work with only one family (temporarily two) I provide services like grocery shopping, running errands, transporting children to doctor appointments, etc.
Anyway... sorry to get so long winded. I don't mind opposition as long as it's coming from accurate understanding. I felt I was missunderstood or that my post wasn't fully read or absorbed so I wanted to clear it up. :)
I feel sorry for their little girl. No child should have to be awake that early. They need to rethink their priorities.
I also wanted to clear something up: when I said I adore "emily" I meant emilycurtin, the blogger emily, not the anon emily who posted saying op was wrong.
OP, good for you for taking the high road. And one thing OP I don't understand the sick time thing? What on earth was this woman talking about? She is crazy and I mean CRAZY to try to pull that one on you. Does she think you are stupid? Good God, of course you need to demand your money! What a ridiculous woman!
OP, you are dead right: they are your clients, you are NOT their employee. And I think you did NOTHING wrong. You clearly stated your vacation policy and did not neg on it. I hope this family understands what they are missing when they are gone!
good luck! :)
OP, What do you mean by "holding their equipment" if they don't pay the $65 that they owe you?
It's so strange that they think they can take money off for a sick day that they haven't actually used. Weird.
It sounds like the mom is sitting around trying to think up ways to take advantage of you. It seems like she thinks she is somehow getting shafted, and is looking for ways to get more out of you to make up for her (perception that she is) being shortchanged.
OP, request a cash payment for the time you have worked (otherwise, this sounds like the kind of person who may stop payment) and then release their belongings to them. It is not actually legal to hold their belongings hostage, but I would anyway in this instance. And store them away from your home, because if they come wiht a Marshall to collect them, oyu can legally say that they are not on the premises.
If oyu don't get all of oyur money take them to small claims. Doesn't a sick day for her imply that she does not bring her child for you to care for for free, but that they all stay home, atth their house, together. She has some nerve.
fox in socks, they have some things here like a pack n play, and swing.... diapers etc. I don't want this stuff, but I figure she does want it back. What you said about her feeling wronged, and taking it out of me actually fits perfectly with her behavior.
Mom, that sounds really sticky. I am reconsidering whether I will actually keep her stuff if she doesn't pay what she owes. I honestly don't know if $130 (total) would be worth all that!! I just hope she pays me, and we can all move on.
Thank you everyone for the really great advice and support!!
Well OP, you can still take her to small claims court, and probably have a good case as long as you have a written contract...even if you choose not to hold her stuff hostage.
If she has any days left that she is expecting you to care for her child, I would not answer the door when she arrives. But it sounds like you are done? What a cheap loser to dock your LAST paycheck. And she can't take a sick day and charge you for it AFTER your agreement is terminated. I think oyu would definitely win in court...unless she lies.
Someone commented how she could take vacay time so soon. That's how at-home daycares work, at least around me in upstate NY. They call their own shots, last minute even, and yes, the parents still pay.
I guess that's the perk for having other people's children destroy your house day in and day out.
OP you should insist that they pay you upfront on Monday! (i realize this is after the fact). They sound like the kind of people who will pick up the kids and just leave without paying you, and certainly without the money they owe you from last week! Who would treat someone like that, especially then proceed to leave their kids?? What whackos, I am so glad you are getting out!
yaya, truer words were never spoken!
A SICK day means the child stays home with the parent and don't have to pay you for that day! Not free childcare.
hi nanny i think you should raise the money after the dew date so that they don't take the service for granted if you are going to charge extra money after the due date they are going to follow the terms mentioned in the contract..
as a nanny i would not be able to work with such a person. i would say if you can afford to cut them off right away, do it. if you can't afford it I know you can survive the last two weeks.
how does this mom handle life if she can't even deal with her nanny?
I'm also a bit confused about the sick day arrangement but I can't imagine ANYONE would interpret it to mean that they get a free day of care for their child because THEY chose to take a day off from their own job? WTF? I say, if they still don't give you the money they owe you, it sounds like they are expecting one more week of care from you, so just tell them if you have not received cash payment by Monday at 6AM, you will no longer be watching their daughter. I'm pretty sure her job pays her more than $65 a week, so she will probably bring in what she tried to screw you out of.
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