Received Monday, September 15, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
Hi everyone, I need some advice...I have been wanting to hear other people's opinions about something that I feel I am obligated to bring forth but at the same time obligated to keep my mouth shut about, so here goes.
I know a woman who runs a daycare out of her home. I won't get into detail about the quality of care that her charges receive, but the issue is that I know for a fact that she and her husband (who works from home for his own job but usually does most of her work) take a nap while the other children are napping. The older children who don't want to nap are allowed to watch television on the couch as long as they are quiet. The woman and her husband are napping behind closed doors in their own room, and there is no baby monitor set up so that they can hear if a child wakes up and gets into something that could harm them.
I am prepared to get an earful about minding my own business and to let her run her business as she desires, but I am a daycare provider myself and I feel an obligation to bring this to licensing's attention for the sake of her charges' safety.
I went to her home one weekend and saw one of her charges (a 7 year old girl) in the cul-de-sac across the street from her house. She was running back to the house from playing with her friend that lives in the cul-de-sac....no daycare provider in sight. The little girl went back into the house, I followed her in and out stumbles the daycare provider, clearly just woken up from a nap.
Now if you are wondering why I haven't reported anything already it is because she is a family member (on my husband's side). If she gets shut down, that is her livelihood on the line and that will take food out of her children's mouths. And for additional insight, she used to watch my children for a very low rate when my husband and I needed a little help.
I decided to open my own daycare because once I found out what was really happening over there, I knew I had to stay home with my children because they were acting strange and were not happy kids anymore...if I could not trust family, then how could I trust a stranger? That made me want to help other parents out there who struggle with finding the type of childcare their children deserve.
I think her charges deserve much better, but every time I almost get the nerve to do something about it, I feel guilty for going against family. I would feel so horrible if something happened to a child in her care, but I would also feel horrible if she lost her business. I just don't know what I should really do. She will probably know I did it since she says the parents know about it and don't mind. There are many other things about how she runs her daycare that leave much to be desired and are in fact illegal.
I think I am just being a big coward....please, I need to hear what you all think of this.
24 comments:
Well, you are a mandated reporter- therefore you HAVE to report it to your licensing agency, plain and simple!!
How would you feel if one of the children got hurt and all that would have prevented it would have been a phone call from you?
You can either have friendly chat with her and give her a few days to change things or make a call to to whoever you need to make a call to. Sleeping while working as a nanny or daycare worker may be ok,as long as it's in the same room as the children or you have a baby monitor.
Why does her husband need to nap as well? Are they really just napping? That just sounds weird to me!
I think you know the moral thing to do. Just think, what if a child was to get hurt while the family member was thinking? You would probably feel pretty bad because if you had reported her, maybe the child wouldn't have gotten hurt.
Also, since she does many other things that "leave much to be desired and are in fact illegal" I would most definitely report her.
Good luck! You will feel better when you've done the right thing!
She will get shut down anyhow (with an even BIGGER smudge on her report than if something happen to one of the children). I say talk to your husband and go from there....
You are in a tough position, but you know what you have to do. Go pick up the phone before something happens to one of those children.
You should say something. It will not be easy... but bring up the points you did here- you could even print it and read it outloud to her. Say something to her first and if she blows you off then go above her- you have to. The childrens' safety is what is at risk, and that is too high a price to pay for a simple, neglegent nap. What if something had happened to that 7-year old? Not only would it have been terrible, but she probably wouldn't have known it for awhile!
I always think leaving an anonymous note is a good idea. You could write that you saw a girl outside unattended and you were concerned and sign it - a neighbor.
Otherwise, you have to tell her the truth, even if it's not what she wants to hear. Explain to her that she could get sued bigtime if one of the kids got injured. Come at her in a loving way, that you don't want to see her get into trouble or lose her business. Tell her at the very least, she should be sleeping in the same room as the kids.
(By the way, as a nanny I understand the need for naps - it just needs to be done in a safe way.)
I think you should sit down and have a discussion with her about this serious situation. See if that brings about change first. You need to take action though, imagine how you'd feel if anything ever happened to one of the children.........good luck.
That's really odd. I mean, maybe it it were once in awhile because she wasn't feeling well or something, but how can she be that tired all of the time? Sounds like if she's truly that tired and lethargic she's probably battling depression, in which case, that probably isn't the best house for an at-home daycare.
Why are they napping at the same time? It would be one thing if she took a nap and the husband stayed up with them briefly.
As a nanny, I too, understand the need for naps, but if you've got charges that are awake, then no nap.
I agree with the earlier post saying talk to your husband. Perhaps he can help you out, since it's his side of the family. He may help you to get the courage up to confront her.
you should confront her about it and warn her that she could get in some serious trouble.
if she doesn't take well to that, then do something about it, make that phone call.
doing the right thing is usually pretty hard. especially when you're risking a relationship. But when it comes down to it, these kids need someone to speak up for them.
OP, I totally get the family issue. I would say scaring her would be the best bet. She will get in trouble big time if something happens, and you might get into trouble as well if you do not report her. The closed-door nap is quite unsettling. Can't she hire extra help?
And do you know if parents are fully aware of the situation?
You would think that if some of the kids are 7 or older they would mention it to thier parents about the sitter sleeping while they are there....so if the parents do know that is even worse. I woul not want my child up and around while thier childcare provider is sleeping. I would say that you need to mention something to her and if nothing changes then anoymously report it
This is unacceptable. I would tell her she needs to stop sleeping on the job or you will report her. Family or not. OP, you are a parent and how would you feel if something really really bad happened? It only takes a second for a fire to start or a child to choke, hurt themselves, etc. How would you feel if something horrible happened? Something needs to be said or done. I would give her one warning, then do a drop-in check. If it happens again, call CPS. As far as taking food out of her children's mouths, what is worse, that their mother be arrested for child neglect or worse, negligence that resulted in the harm/death of a child? I am not being dramatic: this behavior is how accidents happen. Please act now.
You need to call the agency/county that she is licensed in and report her. If she is not licensed, then there is really nothing you can do short of talking directly to the parents of the children she cares for.
Wow...although this sounds dreamy to me to nap during the day..I can't bring myself to..I too have in home daycare, my husband is home a lot..I would Love to nap. But god, with older kids still awake who in their right mind sleeps??? All 6 of my kids sleep in one room..amd our living room sofa is less than 8 feet from the closed door where they all nap, on camera...by the way. And I think maybe 3 times in 2 years I have dozed on the sofa..and by dozed I mean unplanned head nodding, sitting upright with the slightest noise sending me open eyed...and I still feel like shit for dozing unintentionally. I would never sleep...like sleep hard in a room away from my kids and especially not with my husband on my employers time and 100 percent not with my older kids awake...thats sooo messed up!!
Wow...
Unfortunately it never surprises me to hear when children are receiving sub-par care.
I ran licensed in home child care for 7 years and then worked in Head start for 8 years. I've seen some of the best...and the worst things happen to kids. I don't know about your state but in my home state ANYONE in childcare was a mandated reporter and this situation would definitely need to be reported. Anything could happen to those kids while the provider sleeps. UNBELIEVABLE...
Do what you feel is right...
Call licensing and report all her illegal activities. She clearly does not give a turd about common sense and childrens' safety if she is doing all that you mention and I seriously doubt that "the parents know she naps and don't mind". If they don't mind, it's probably because she told them her husband watches the kids while she naps. But who the ^#@!% NAPS on the job?? ANY job??? Unless you are on duty for stretches of 18 hours or more with no breaks (medical staff in ER's for instance) NOBODY.
Don't waste your breath talking to her OR her husband. It'll go nowhere and then when you DO have to call licensing, of course they WILL know who called. She may have to switch careers, or may be able to get a job working at someone else's daycare, (supervised) but she has NO RIGHT to endanger children's safety. Especially while she is being PAID to CARE for them. (Daycare = care, correct?)
I think you would be doing her a favor if you reported this. Think of how bad off she would be if something happened to one of her charges because she was not taking proper care of him/her. If she is as bad as you say she is, it is only a matter of time before this happens. I would talk to her first and let her know your concerns. If she doesn't shape up, I think you should report her. I know it is easier said than done. She is family so I can see why you are struggling with this so much. But, I think you already know what you need to do.
There are a couple of points to consider: 1. if you were a parent, would you want to know what was happpening when you were not watching. I am almost positive the parents DO NOT KNOW or dont care. Even if they dont care, the kids deserve to be protected and safe...2.You are required by law to report it. 3. How bad would you feel if something happened to one of those kids and your "family" member was brought up on charges or something.... There is just too much at stake to remain quiet. 4. You can make an anonymous report to the licensor.
You have to confront her about it before you call any agency, and you should warn her if she doesn't shape up that you will call the agency before you do so. Tell her you have seen her charges leaving the house while she is napping, and remind her of the dangers. Ask her to at least have a baby monitor or something, or to nap in the same room as the kids.
That is the noble thing to do.
If you just call the agency behind her back without giving her a chance to remedy the situation first, then that is passive aggressive and cowardly.
You are a mandated reporter and REQUIRED BY LAW to err on the side of caution and protect those children. She can be as mad as she wants, but by profession you have chosen to take on the burden of concern for the welfare of ALL children. You have to do it, legally and morally.
OP,
Tough words for you here.
What did you decide to do?
Please let us know.
I hate it when people do not update their situations. This was one incidident that I wanted to hear how everything went!
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