Tuesday, September 23, 2008
I Am Not Mary Poppins (Anywhere Close To Gaithersburg)
I am not Mary Poppins. For those parents out there who are seeking the quintessential nanny who never gets tired, with a permanent smile like a Botox injection gone wrong, takes every insult with a dose of humor and breaks out in a song and dance ensemble, a nanny that has a lengthy list of credentials deemed necessary to raise a prodigy .. I am not that person. What I am is a regular run-of-the mill nanny and by all accounts not a super human. So no I will not smile and cringe when Little Becky Sue kicks me in the shin. As a parent would you? No I will not work overtime for free. Do you? No I do not want to know any personal problems nor do I wish to divulge any of mine to you. No I will not use my car to drive to Little Todd’s play dates and keep quiet about the expenses so that you can dine at a five star restaurant while I eat spam with a straw. I don’t care if you decide to leave the children and run across the border as long as you send a post card and my check. I will not be your butler, maid, secretary or yes-man to stroke your ego. I do not care where you live and how you live. If you want to use your tidey whiteys for a dust rag that is your business. I do not wish to sit on the floor of your home all day pretending to enjoy a mind numbing game of tea with Little Rebecca when you don’t even want to do it. I will not pretend to smile first thing in the morning if I do not feel like it just to be polite. I will not run your errands for you as I am not a courier service. I will not hug, kiss and whisper sweet nothings to your kids in an effort to win their affections. I am not trying to be their friend. I will not eat from you refrigerator or cupboards so no need to count the eggs or the chickens in the chicken coop for that matter before you leave home. I will let your kids watch tv until they go into a coma if that is what they are accustomed to. If your child has a problem respecting those in authority I will let Little Billy continue to jump on the bed and sofa until he learns the true definition of concussion. No I will not come over last minute because…. Surprise!!! I have a life too. Please don’t answer your door choked up with your bed linen around your neck for a scarf trying to look dignified carrying an arm’s length list of questions to intimidate me when I come over for an interview because I will reciprocate the kindness and play the game of Jeopardy with you. Do not give me excuses as to why you were late just pay me for my overtime because the bill collector doesn’t care why I didn’t send this month’s payment on time. Do not ask me to prepare a five course meal for the kids everyday when all you do is feed them sugar when I am not there. Call Chef Gordon Ramsey for that. Do not presume that my arithmetic is not up to par with yours and shorten my pay by a couple dollars and pretend that you are being fair and that somehow, just somehow I should just be content with the notion that I have “the world’s greatest job”. If you are unhappy with your life and wait for me to come in the mornings to harass me… you will be even unhappier and decide to take that leap from the ledge by the time I leave. Do not talk down to me because you think I am so desperate for a job or uneducated, unless you are just in the mood to play a game of the battle of wits. Now if I ask you to get the necessary supplies to help Little Johnny do his homework and be a better pupil do not expect me to spend my money and acquire these necessities and let it slide. I am very resourceful and..... Click here to finish reading this post and all of the other odd selections MPP gathered this week.