Received Wednesday, September 3, 2008. - Perspective & Opinion
My boss is driving me crazy. I am used to just dealing with the children (2 girls, 4 & 10) on my own, but this August she "took a breather" from all of her "busy work". Her busy work seemed to consist of the stereotypical luncheons, charity work and salon appointments.
This is not the sort of woman anyone would find admirable, except that she married a very rich man who loves her to bits.
Here is where I come in. I take care of the children all day every day, monday through friday, whether mom is home or not.
What is bothering me? I have three bones of contention. Let me rant and tell me if I have a point or if I am just burning out in the nanny world.
#1) She never gives me credit for what I do during the day. Her husband makes all of the money. I am paid quite handsomely. I have a sound work ethic so I do everything that needs to be done. At the end of the day, I have caught her recounting to her husband what she has done, and most often, at least half of those things she claims as her own.
Yes, I know that this is how things happen in the corporate world. Bosses take credit for the work of their subordinates, but he pays me. What must he think I do all day long?
#2) The cars. Sometimes she will take the nanny car to the carwash. That is rare. Sometimes a detailer comes to the house and does all of the cars. When this happens, she will go out and get the personal things out of her car and her husbands and mine. In the middle of the car, there is a space for two drinks and a place for coins. Three times, she has swept all of the coins up and thrown them in the garbage. In the garbage. That isn't nanny money, it's my money. (I am the only one that drives the nanny car). Besides the fact that she throws my measeley dimes and nickels away, she throws hers away and I have seen inside her middle compartment, she has quarters for days. And she will scoop them all up and throw them right in the garbage can. Once I remarked about it and she said the money was dirty or there was coffee on it. We are not talking about $1.50 here. Easily $20 or more in her car.
#3) She has a huge pet peeve about people speaking Spanish. She doesn't pay the landscapers any mind, but she will not allow the housekeeper to talk in Spanish - even if she is talking to her mother on the phone. Granted the reasoning is that she shouldn't have to hear that because the housekeeper isn't getting paid to speak to anyone on the phone, but she is completely, completely rude.
Sometimes she and I are out together and my God. One time a woman asked me if I spoke Spanish and my employer butted in and said, "the question is, why don't you speak English".
My employer has also told me that she speaks Spanish "fairly well" and bragged to me in front of her daughters, (the oldest of whom is 10), that on at least two occasions - which she told us specifically about, Spanish speaking people have needed assistance and she has just shook her head and said, "I speak only English".
Is it me but is this out of whack for a woman who spends 20 hours a day out of the house volunteering? She has also bragged that she sets an example of generosity by demonstrating charity to her children (and then she cites the boards she sits on and the actual volunteer work she does). She does work with one agency that does a lot of great work for battered women - but doesn't her lack of good will towards the non English speaking send a mixed message? I tell my friends about this and they say I should stick it out for my year and write a book. Am I being picky? Are these things I should just shake my head at and move on or should I be a little upset?
39 comments:
Omg, this would soooooooo annoy me!!!! No way! First of all, I would go trash picking for those coins each time she did that and keep that money. Second, is she going back to work soon? Third, start making a list of all the things you do each day (laundry, etc) and give that to the husband -Or- start saying things like 'oh, i think i accidentally put one of your shirts in the wrong drawer when i did all the laundry today' or 'i left that dish out bc it wasn't fully dry when I washed all the dishes today'. Or, simply don't do all you do for a day and then when he gets home she won't be able to tell him she did 'this that and the other thing' bc nothing will be done and then you can step in and say 'oh i'm just not feeling well today so i didn't get to the stuff I normally do everyday'.
It is definitely hard working for a sahm (which is what she is right now). It takes much more work than a 'normal' nanny job where you are on your own all day.
Re; spanish. Print out loads of research of why children learning two languages is so beneficial and then start speaking spanish!
I don't know what it is about rich moms thinking that the more 'boards' they are a part of the better mom they are...try spending that time with your kids, that's what they really want.
Ugg...I'm fired up and annoyed just thinking about your job!
you should really confront her and tell her that you think its unfair that she takes the credit for all you do. Thats lame man.
In life people will continue to do things that annoy you. To include the man you will marry, have children with and live out the twilight years of your life with. While the things you listed are legitimate grips, I would bite my tongue and take the higher road.
1. He probably knows his wife is taking credit for what you do, because he knows her better than anyone.
2. Dig the coins out of trash. It is an icky job, but it is wasteful. If she says something, just remind her that *you* can't be wasteful. If you aren't already a recycler become one so you can incorporate that into the arguement.
3. When my family moved to this country (political) we were all very well educated and spoke more than one language, my father informed us we would only speak English. He wanted us to blend. I do agree that more than one language is a plus and I can not believe the mother doesn't MAKE you teach her child spanish.
Hang in there.
10:06 AM
Girl...what a nightmare! But I will tell you to hang in there.
I'm sure the father knows you actually do all the work, and she is just the delegator. Its OK, that happens the best of us.Just do what you are paid to do, its your job, and even do compliments and praise for a job well done do make us feel better and more apreciated, if we don't get them, your job still has to get done. Keep in mind, our blessings come from a higher source.
As for the money...you're not picking thorugh that trash can yet?? LOL!!
That is the kids' Christmas present money you're letting get thrown out!!
Girl, you should put your gloves on RIGHT NOW and head outside.
Nevertheless, hang in there and good luck!!
Wow I can't believe she would throw money away period- a homeless person could buy a meal with that.
I suggest you keep a journal and write a book about things- that's fantastic.
I liked yaya's idea about casually stating things about what you did- though do it after she told him she did it. Or send him a daily email with the things you did( such as a work sheet with activities chores and errands- as I'm sure she'll throw out any notes.
Do not confront her though about things that's very stupid unless you want to be fired. (Sorry yaya but sometimes your advice is a bit questionable).
Next time she wants to dispose of your coins, say you'll wash them or its fine as long as she reimburses you for the $20.
It's sad that some people are so disrespectful to the spanish speaking community. I adore the language and wish I could speak it fluently. The fact that her kids only speak english is disturbing though. Especially in the diverse world we live in today. We should be educated enough to speak several languages or at least two. That's why I love europeans. Some speak 5 languages with ease.
Overall I think your boss has fundamental problems that won't change. I suggest you move on. I'm guessing her husband sides with her on the spanish thing because no one would be married to a biased person if they are fundamentally very different.
Good luck.
"What must he think I do all day long?"
He already knows what you do all day long but he's not going to pick a fight with his wife over the nanny.
I don't blame him one bit for that. Sane people don't volunteer to make their marriages worse.
Let it go. You will not win this one. If he didn't appreciate what you do, you would not have a job.
I also believe that people should speak the language of the country in which they reside. I don't see the problem there. I have lived in Mexico and France and both times I learned how to how to speak the language. Doing so is a sign of RESPECT for the country and its people. I can speak Spanish fluently but I expect anyone who comes to this country to be able to at least function in English and that is the only language I use here at home.
If people think this is rude, so be it. I'll live.
The money thing is weird but it has happened more than once and you know it will most likely happen again so now it's up to you to keep your things safe.
It may be the "nanny car" but it's still not your car. Keep it clean and clutter free. That's obviously what she expects.
If she was going into a car you actually owned to throw things away I would tell you to run her over. Okay, not really. Okay, maybe.
Throwing money away is so wrong, especially when it's your money. next time she does it, stop her if you can and explain to her that you can't afford to throw away money. Of course, be prepared for her to comment that you shouldn't leave it in "her" car because it sounds like how she would respond.
Living in a community heavily populated with Spanish people, I can actually feel for your employer. I am constantly spoken down to because I don't speak Spanish and I have walked into several businesses in my neighborhood who ignore me or tell me to learn their language! My husband, who is Spanish, finds this attitude extremely offensive and refuses to patronize these establishments. However your employer sounds extreme on this matter.
Good luck with this employer, sounds like you need it!
Get over yourself. You are the employee. Stop griping, you took the job to begin with, if you aren't happy then leave.
Oh, and writing a book? How original.
It's true you are the employee. but that doesn't mean you are to be degraded.
the whole english only routine is a slap in the face. its rude and shows lack of character and just plain sense.
i worked for a woman like this. i know what it is like to spend weeks and weeks working on a skill just to have someone say, "look what i did", not "look what dear child can do now."
get out. your frustration will only grow. REAL people can only take so much of someone who considers shoe shopping and social gatherings a full time job.
I agree with the mother on the subject of Spanish. It isn't about being disrespectful of the Spanish speaking community. I respect them in their country as I do the Italians in Italy. But when you are in the United States, you need to speak English or get smacked. That should be the law. I am tired, so fucking tired of the chaos caused by these damn illlegals who dont speak a word of ENglish. They don't even "Get" the symbol for cross walk. I really wish we could just start smacking the shit out of them. Maybe then they would realize they owe America a little something in return for everything they are getting and that little something is called speaking some goddamn English.
I speak spanish too but when people ask me, I would never, ever say so. The reason? Usually some dumb illegal needs someone to translate for them.
My theory on this is the same theory that I used when it came time to teach my children to say please and use proper language. I reasoned if they wanted it, they would learn to ask for it. And by two, they were saying "please milk, mama".
Stop handing these freeloaders everything. Ask some thing of them. Something. SOmething!
And build that wall. Build it tall. Line it with razor metal and steel wire. Make it so it shocks and slices anyone who attempts to climb it. Deport every non English speaking illegal and put a chip in their head so that when they try and cross again, they get a shock, like those doggie fences do.
jojo, WTF? someone needs to smack YOU, and hard!
OMG JOJO! WTF are you on? Do you realize you have just made yourself public enemy #1 with your rant? Are you fucking high!!??
I think jo jo makes some good points.....I'm with her.
While I agree that JoJo made SOME good points, she does make herself sound ignorant.
I can't believe she throws money away!!I was SHOCKED. Where do you live? I'll come all the way from Seattle to dig through her garbage!
OP, sorry you have to deal with this, but unless you are willing/ ready to look for a new job, you have to stick it out. Good Luck.
its amazing to see how many racist people are on here
RACISM is well and alive still in this country!
OP
This bitch is new money, and she just doesn't know how to behave yet. Unfortunately, you either deal with it, stand up to it, or quit the job.
Jojo is just going for shock value. Don't fall for it. It wasn't even that convincing.
This mom clearly is easy to criticize (throw away money because it's dirty? If she could see the amount of germs on a $100 bill...), but it really is none of your business what she does all day. You are paid to be with the kids, regardless of what she is doing. As for her taking credit, I agree with the earlier poster who said the husband probably knows what she does, or in this case, doesn't, do.
Okay, first off, STOP leaving ANY money in the nanny car if you don't want it to get thrown out. I can't believe people do that. I once worked with a woman who was cleaning fanatically and tossed a coffee mug full of pennies into the trash. I told her she was crazy, she admitted she was a bit anal about that, and since the bag was brand new in the can, I took all the pennies and went and bought a nice big coffee drink with them. But $20?? I actually wouldn't even leave that laying around in my car to begin with, I'd SPEND it!
She only "volunteers" for these charities because, as a trophy wife, it's expected of her and people would gossip badly about her if she didn't keep up the proper image. She obviously does not care about actual people, or she wouldn't do the things you've mentioned.
As for the English-only, I agree. Yes, I speak a LOT of Spanish. But I don't feel obligated to assist in translation for someone who is most likely commiting a crime just by being here, freeloading all the benefits that tax-paying legal residents and citizens can't get, and hasn't bothered to learn the language enough to communicate on a basic level. If it makes me "racist" to say that people who want to live here should ALL be required to follow the proper legal channels to do so, and should NOT get all the financial benefits for free that everyone ELSE pays for, so be it.
I had a conversation today with a Spanish-speaking nanny (in English) where she told me all about her illegal friend who went to the county hospital and had all of her teeth fixed, lots of expensive dental work done, for FREE. She told me that she herself is documented and pays taxes on her earnings, and is fully employed, but she is not eligible to go to the county hospital and have free dental work done. She has to pay for it, along with all of us other law-abiding citizens.
hey op,
sorry this is a little late. as a nanny, these things would bother me a lot. OF COURSE! don't feel bad about it. she is abnormal in too many ways to list here.
all i can say is whether you want to stay or go, take a look around at available jobs regardless. do your research. see if there is abundant possibilities for significantly better jobs or not. you don't have to give out your references, just inquire on some nanny jobs. sometimes going through the job searching process can help you figure out if you really are in a good place or not.
weigh the pay with your level of negative emotions and decide which side has more weight. what are the other pros of the job?
if you are otherwise happy, the best thing you can do is just laugh about the mom as if she is some bizzare character in a movie. and speaking of, please watch "The Nanny Diaries"! You will feel better!
This is just amazing to me! I am not a nanny, I'm a mom, and a working mom at that. I'd like nothing more than to have someone teach my (incredibly intelligent and intellectually fertile) daughter a second language! I would just about KILL for help around my house! Take the high road, I agree that the husband is full aware of what you do around the house to help... he knows his wife is a bi--- on wheels! You're doing wonderful things by raising HER children to (hopefully) not be like her! Cheers!
I am a SAHM and this women sounds unreasonable, hypocritical and with very little common sense. Politics and racism aside, everyone has a right to speak any language they wish to speak. I speak three languages( spanish included) and I am hispanic-american, but I don't hate on people if they're speaking Farsi, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, which is just a few of the languages spoken where I live. If you have the ability to speake more than one language, which is the case with a number of ethnic-americans, you should not be discriminated against.
And no, you're not being picky. Start looking for another employer with intellegince.
I think the term "trophy wife" is being tossed around here and not being used properly. A trophy wife is actually a really good looking super young looking thin wife, typically vapid, taken by a rich, powerful business man. He has the "trophy" of a very beautiful woman and this is the prize for his tremendous earnings. The "trophy" is also something to show off, meaning showing off how attractive she is.
That said, this lady is not a trophy wife but a big idiot.
I am also wondering just out of curiosity what specific things exactly she is taking credit for with the husband. Does she say she took the kids to the zoo when in reality you did so?
I understand where JoJo Bear is coming from. While she probably didn't use the best words to get her point across, I do agree with the majority of what she said. I do not equate RACISM with wanting people, illegal or not, to use the language that the majority of people in your country speak! I find it annoying that different ethnic groups, not just Hispanic, come to the USA and refuse to learn English, and make the statement that we should learn their languages! When I moved to Switzerland a year ago, I did not speak a word of German. Now, a year later, I am almost fluent. Why? Because I would never assume that people should speak English with me purely because I did not speak their language. If you are going to live, not just visit, in a foreign country, you have to make the effort to communicate with them in their language! I realize I have gone off topic, but to accuse someone of being a RACIST because they want people to integrate themselves in the majority of solciety, is out of line. But that is just my two cents.
P.S. OP, this woman sounds like a nightmare to work for, and I feel for you!! :)
I completely agree with you JoJo... it's how Ive felt for years and I dont feel one bit of remorse over it. Its not only the fact that they dont speak english when they come here but they are also disgusting and a disgrace to the human race. I dont mind the "american mexicans" im actually friends with a few. The only ones that bother me are the ones yelling dirty things at you in their wife beaters looking like they havent showered in months. Jeez im afraid im going to get robbed everytime I walk by them.
I wish more English speaking people would learn the language. It's HORRIFYING. And I am NOT being dramatic.
The majority of Mexicans I have come across try extremely hard to not only learn the language (my dad used to drive one of his employees to the local college for English class, twice a week after work) but to become acclimated to this culture. Like I said, the MAJORITY. ANd yet, I come across Americans everyday who have absolutely no idea how to construct a simple sentence. Their blase attitude makes it that much worse.
The more you all claim you're not racist and try to justify yourselves, the more I suspect you have an issue with race and not simply the butchered English language. I'm not here to change anyone's mind or accuse anyone of racism, but please, be honest with yourselves. I agree everyone who comes to this country should learn English. Including the people who live here. Jojo wants to slap non-english speaking people because they're being ungrateful? Take a look around honey...this country is FILLED with numb, dumb and desensitized people that have very little gratitude for the things they have and their way of life..and guess what!? They speak English! You're going to be doing a hell of a lot of slapping. You better get started.
I don't believe that it is a bad thing to have many different languages spoken in our country. Language is a way of communicating: being aware and educated regarding languages from other nations can only make us a stronger nation in my opinion. Learning a language makes it easier to speak and write in general. I think it is ignorant to say that every English Language Learner is an "illegal." That is simply not true, and although I will not name names, there are clearly some racist people on this blog. It's too bad because racism is ignorance.
I agree with jj. Anyone who starts a sentence with "I'm not racist, but..." is clearly a person struggling (or embracing) their own prejudice. It is so sad.
If this is all that bothers you, you need to move past it. Sounds like you have some green eyed monster issues with the Mrs. Maybe she's insecure with herself??
Why don't you keep the nanny car free of clutter and remove the change. Then when she says she's going down to clean out the cars, you can offer to do that and keep the change you think she'd throw away in a container (so if she says something to you about taking it) and if she doesn't ask for it, keep it. If you do this and put that money away, you'll obviously have a nice chunk of change to spend on something fabulous. And honestly, do you think the Mr. doesn't know his Mrs doesn't do all the things she's taking credit for?? Think again...he's uber rich therefore not too incredibly stupid. As for the spanish, maybe she thinks when people are conversing in spanish around her they are talking about her (back to that insecure issue). Just appease her, speak english in her home. Sounds like other than those things, you like your job and you are paid well. Don't rock the boat...the grass is NOT always greener!
JoJo said: I speak spanish too but when people ask me, I would never, ever say so. The reason? Usually some dumb illegal needs someone to translate for them. My theory on this is the same theory that I used when it came time to teach my children to say please and use proper language. I reasoned if they wanted it, they would learn to ask for it. And by two, they were saying "please milk, mama". - JJ
You are seriously kidding when you say that is the best your child could communicate at 24months?
English is my second language. I speak it reasonably well because I think it is proper to learn a language to the best of your capabilities if you are a guest in another country. I don't speak my home language at the supermarket or at the bank because their is no reason for the people in America to have to struggle to understand me.
There are some people who refuse to speak their mother tongue- my mom hates speaking english because its difficult for her. Though she tries her best when she is in the company of other english speaking people.
It should be expected for any immigrant to another country to learn the language of where they will be guests. That however does not excuse the genereal public from being judgemental of those who struggle with the language. It does not excuse comments like "I speak spanish too but when people ask me, I would never, ever say so. The reason? Usually some dumb illegal needs someone to translate for them" (courtesy of jojo).
And as for new money mommy, make sure you leave her car free of clutter, keep your change in a zipper wallet in the glove compartment. I like mine close to my side too but it's my car. That's how you solve that. She might just hate that youleave it like that- even though it does not justify throwing money in the trash
Janet Englishg,
are you seriously insulting someone's little child to make your point?
You are an asshole.
I have a t-shirt, it says,
"NO I DON'T HABLA ESPANOL"
My relatives learned English when they came here (legally) and got jobs (not handouts).
I'm not insulting her child. I am serious. Surely her child can communicate better than a 1.5 year old? Maybe she could give her child some more credit. In fact maybe, she could give anyone in the non-english /struggling english speaking community some more credit too.
But, um, thanks for the asshole you threw in there. How very giant-toddler of you emily :)
janet english,
I have to admit that I agree your comment was both misguided and offensive. Many, many children do not speak in sentences until they are close to three and beyond. All children develop at different rates. It is in no way strange for a two year old to be speaking in one-word sentences or not clearly at all. Your point was sort of lose due to this really ignorant comment. Sorry.
sorry I meant to write "lost"
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