Top ten ways to annoy your child’s teachers...

Thursday, August 7, 2008 - Guest Column by Becky
(For all the parents of children in daycare)

Say goodbye, then come back, then good bye, then come back, then do it a couple more times just in case the kid doesn’t miss you enough yet. This way you’ll quickly teach your child never to believe a word you say because you’ll change your mind, and you’ll always keep those teachers on their toes wondering when to step in and help. Make sure you look at the teachers angrily when they don’t get that this is REALLY the last time you will say goodbye.

Come in to school while making a business call, don’t forget to “Shush” the other children as you come in since they are clearly not aware of how their noise is bothering your very important phone call. Become very angry when teachers ask you to take your phone call outside. Remind them of what a very important person you are – you don’t want them to forget.

Please bring your child in the middle of snack time armed with enough junk food (donuts, chips, soda) for six people and sit him down at the snack table and encourage him to eat something in front of all the children having fruit and rice cakes. Make sure to let him know to put the leftovers in his cubby so he can snack in front of others later.

Make sure your child brings a toy from home EVERYDAY even though share day is only on Friday. When the teacher reminds you EVERYDAY that “today is not share day” please make her the bad guy by telling her, ‘well, you take it away then”. This is an excellent way to create a relationship of trust with the teachers.

Please bring your child to school with a loaded diaper, and make sure you don’t have time to change it before you say goodbye. Teachers just adore another opportunity to be close to your child and they are more than happy to change that poopy diaper.

When your child is potty training please come to school up to four times a day and drag a chair into the bathroom along with your child and “encourage” them to poop in a very loud demanding way. Anyone can make a child poop at will just by yelling at them. We are so grateful you can come and do this – it’s very helpful to all the other children trying to go to the bathroom as well.

Please make a list of all the colors of marker/paint./crayon that your child is not allowed to use. We would never want to soil any of your child’s clothes at the PLAY – BASED, NON ACADEMIC preschool that YOU chose for your child. Don’t forget to remind us everyday that your child really doesn’t need to do art because it doesn’t teach them anything.

When the teachers ask you to label everything (especially jackets) they are not serious. They can easily keep track of thirty jackets, only 6 of them are exactly the same, they can figure it out by size. Don’t forget to become VERY upset when your child’s unmarked clothing goes missing, teachers are able to find things much quicker after you have loudly reminded them about the item. Don’t mind that they are busy with children, follow them around and stand over them reminded them of the color until the missing item is found.

Please interrogate each and every teacher upon pick up as to how many bites of food your child ate at lunch. We must make sure they are all on the same page (even those who were on their own lunch break at that time), and are consistently aware of how many bites of each food item all 30 kids in their care ate. This influences what type of Happy Meal to buy your child for dinner so you NEED to know how much lunch they ate.

The best way to annoy your child’s teacher is to go above and beyond the call of a parent by letting them know what they should be doing as far as curriculum and how this play based program isn’t really teaching them anything. You understand that you chose this program (but not because it was play based – because it was three blocks from home and you could always change their curriculum later) You have learned this from your three years as a parent, and your years of college education as an engineer. You are confident that the teacher’s backgrounds in child Development are not sufficient for planning curriculum and they look forward to your daily input of how it should really be done.

Parents,
After dealing with so many of you in my teaching/directing career, I have come to the conclusion that there should be a required class and test before people are allowed to become parents. As well to do financial wizards, doctors and lawyers it amazes me that you can look down your nose at my lowly job, yet still be such an idiot that you leave the baby in the car alone while you come in to read a book to your child, and ask me who the new teacher is (even though it was printed in the newsletter, an e-mail announcement went out, and was written on the notice board) and she’s been here 4 months!!

Here’s to hoping that your “parent sense” will soon kick in.
-A frustrated child care director/teacher

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