Received Tuesday, August 5, 2008- Rants and Warnings
UES - IF YOU RECENTLY HIRED A NANNY NAMED JANE, READ THIS!!!!!!!!
Jane M. (late 30's from Jamaica, typically wears a hat, has one son in his teens) used to work for us (and before us, she worked for two little girls on 87th street).
Jane began working for us March 2004 when our son was just six weeks old. We adored her -- she was a member of our family. We considered ourselves lucky ... she was attentive, kind, compassionate ... the nanny that everyone wanted to steal. Mid November 2006, something changed. For a few days, she was distracted and quiet. We asked if all was ok and she told us that she was fighting a cold. We gave her a Thursday and Friday off and she came back on Monday her usual self. That Wednesday night, it was raining -- so I asked her to leave the building at 6pm with our son, and meet me in a cab and 76th and Park -- I would drop her off at the subway and then continue on to our 6:30 music class. She was never late so I started to worry when it was 620 and she was not there yet. She finally showed up (after not answering her phone) just before 6:30 -- her friend was with her. When I asked if all was ok, she told me that the doormen had been mean to her -- but all was ok. I pressed her for details and she finally told me that the doorman scolded her for not having our son in his stroller and letting him play in the lobby before it was time to jump into a cab. I felt horrible and I told her that I would speak to them when i got home – she begged me not to.
When I got home from music class that night at 8pm, the doorman and head of the maintenance dept were both waiting for me. Before I could question them about what had happened, they told me that she had come down into the lobby with our son and her friend around 5:45. They were sitting off to the side of the automatic door (her back was to the door) and our son was playing in front of them. After a few minutes, he ran over to the automatic doors, watched them open, watched them close and then ran back to her. This went on 5-6 times and according to the doorman, she never broke conversation with her friend. The 7th time, our son ran through the door, out onto the sidewalk – luckily a maintenance person was mopping up the wet floors, saw our son and chased after him. He caught him just feet away from the corner of our street and third avenue. He carried our son back into the building – and Jane was still deep in conversation and did not even know our 2 year old was gone. It was dark, raining and rush hour … I do not even want to think about what could have happened!
We called and confronted her, she did not deny it – but rather got angry and told us that the doorman wanted her to lose her job because it was almost time for holiday bonuses. Needless to say, we fired her.
The next day, the doormen told us that she had been acting strange for the past ten days – she was not her normal pleasant self and in fact had gotten into a confrontation with one of the maintenance men and actually spit at him (in front of our son!!). When I called to shut off her cell phone, I was told that in the ten days prior, she had used more than 1200 daytime minutes – with calls ranging from 45-60 minutes at a time … all during the time that she should have been watching my two year old. A few weeks later, we started getting phone calls from a bank in British Columbia looking to verify her employment with us.
We have not seen or spoken to her in almost two years … until the other day when I was horrified to see her pushing a (pink?) bugaboo stroller on Madison Avenue in the 80’s. If this is your child … beware … and be sure to question her about her work history!
176 comments:
Wow, sounds horrible.
Did she see you as well? And did you have words? Just wondering.
Did you ever find out what was wrong with her, and what all the phone calls were about?
Maybe that was why she changed?
I would've pressed for answers.
Please recognize her, somebody, so she can be removed from her job asap. I doubt she's improved with her care taking skills, and it isn't worth taking the risk.
So, let me get this straight.
She was a fabulous nanny (like family, of course) for over two years for your son. She went through what was seemingly a difficult time, during which point she acted out of character and put your son in a dangerous situation. This most likely happened because she had something weighing heavily upon her mind. You fired her immediately without trying to help your (love her like a family member) nanny, or even finding out what caused such an abrupt change in behavior, and two years later are stalking and harrassing her on the internet.
Sound about right? Thought so.
I'm not justifying child endangerment, but where is the compassion in this tale of the much-loved nanny turned monster? Have you, OP, never had a personal problem that drove you to distraction and caused you to act in ways inconsistant with your known behavior?
I think my biggest issue with this post is the love mentioned for her- it's a crock. She was your hired help, she was going through a rough time so you kicked her to the curb. Let's call a spade a spade, shall we? If she was "like family" (that phrase is making me ill anymore) why wouldn't you have at the very least attempted to figure out what was going on in her life in an attempt to ease her burden?
Just leave the lady alone. She's out of your employ, no need to continually try to destroy her life.
I just have to say I kind of had the same thought as Elise. If you cared about her so much, why didn't you go to the ends of the earth to try and find out what was so wrong with her to make her lose concentration when watching your kid? You said yourself you noticed a change in behavior 10 days prior.
You don't mention any other problem you had with her except this one time, but you had 2 yrs. of her taking care of your child w/o incident? Why would you be so quick to dump her?
I would've sat down with her and had a long heart to heart, then warned her, then put her on probation... providing everything else was in line.
I don't know. If this was her only screw up in 2 yrs.? Maybe you jumped the gun?
I agree with CFG & Elise. I hate when families say that their nanny is "just like family" and then aren't consistent with their actions. When you care about someone (even someone who's just a friend and "like a member of the family") you find out what's wrong when they're clearly in a bad place.
I think this is what I would have done ,If you are truly as close as you say:(which BTW is nice)
Tell Jane she is on Probation effective immediately(without pay) and no longer watching your child until you get to the bottom of things.Explain this is 100% percent out of concern for the safety of your child. Hire a temp through an agency asap.
Explain your comnern for JR and at the same time your concern for her.
It sounds to me as if she stopped taking medication or started taking drugs. It could also be as mentioned above, something weighing heavily on her mind..a serious family issue perhaps. Stress can play serous games with us.
I could not just walk a way from someone i loved so dearly, I could however yank my son out of her care asap until we figured things out.
Jamaican Jane sounds like trouble.
Do you have a picture of her? If you don't have a picture, she wasn't family, now was she?
So as much trouble as Jane sounds like she is, you probably picked her because she worked for cheap.
Why don't you and she go to starbucks and talk this over while downing shots of espresso. And wake up.
I think everyone is being a little hard on OP.
My first reaction was that she started dabbling in drugs.
She sounded irrational...she spit on a maintenance worker in front of the child! She accused the doorman of some sort of holiday bonus conspiracy....
That's grounds for firing. Nanny seemed to be losing her grip on reality. It's not OP's job to provide therapy to the nanny...it's her job to make sure her child is safe. By firing her nanny and erring on the side of caution, she did just that.
Pnut, "If you don't have a picture she wasn't part of the family, was she?" I assume you're kidding..if not though, god forbid OP posted a picture...she'd get a new one ripped for her (which would be well deserved).
The Starbucks comment was just plain catty and ridiculous. Nothing in this report implies that OP is some sort of prima donna employer.
Jersey, I don't think anyone suggest that the OP was wrong for firing the nanny. We were just pointing out the ridiculousness of making a statment like "she was part of the family" and then go on to describe how she treated the nanny.
What does she look like?
I'm with OP here. I love my nanny but I would have reacted the same. Like in OP's case, my nanny had a noticable change in attitude at one point in her employment. At first it was little things--disorganization, not getting to things like baths and making sure the kids made their beds or finished homework, forgetting about an appointment for my youngest--I asked several times if everything was OK--answer was always everything is fine. It was only when I got annoyed and confronted her about something that was more serious (not as life threatening as allowing a two year old run into the street in Manhattan, but it was obvious that she had left my pre-teen to her own devices for some period of time and she did something that she shouldn't have) that she told me what was going on. I'm not going into detail, but it was something that I was able to address with a bit of financial assistance and some time off. But, if I hadn't gotten to the point where I was annoyed and told her that I was beginning to question her ability to do her job, she would never had been upfront. If OP's nanny had something going on that effects her work performance, she should have told OP, not put her charge at risk. As much as I love my nanny, it was a reminder that there is not such thing as "like family" in this relationship. I am the employer and as much as I try to be sensitive to my nanny's needs, an employee may not be open to sharing their lives with an employer.
BLB
Great advice, but OP already fired Jane- two years ago. Too bad she didn't just ask the nanny what was wrong. She doesn't even imply that she did. Maybe a family member died, or went to jail, or her husband cheated on her. Who knows? But if the nanny was "like family", then OP should've taken the time to find out.
OP, because there are so many variables, and you never took the time to figure any of them out- why don't you just let the nanny be? Why complain about her now, two years later, just because you saw her walking down the street?
hey bebe, I thought I said "that's what I would have done" implying I knew she had been fired two yrs ago, but who knows? Sometimes my mind gets ahead of my brain when I am typing. tee-hee
I'm sorry BLB, I got ya! Eeeesh, time for bed, eh? I've got a headache anyway. Need darkness and quiet, lol. Goodnight!
no worries, after I posted I had to go back and make sure I remembered correctly! Hope your headache goes away! Nite!
I can think of many things that could have happened that don't involve drugs.
Someone she loved died.
Someone she loved was very ill and could not afford to get to the hospital for treatment. (This happens a great deal in Jamaica, where they have socialized medicine but it costs a week's pay to get a cab to the hospital)
One of her children got in serious trouble at home.
Her husband had been unfaithful.
She realized someone had messed up her paperwork back home and the 3 or 4 thousand bucks she borrowed to get here was for nothing because she might very well be deported and never allowed back (this happens more than people realize)
I get that she endangered your child and IMO you don't give second chances to someone who puts your child in danger. Think about it, give them a second chance to allow your child to really get injured???
I won't fault you for firing the nanny but how you fired her was wrong. A sit down, a conversation and requesting an explanation for her sudden change in behvior was warranted here and would have been what any caring employer would have done. And after two years of "being part of the family" an exist interview was in order.
Butt looks big,
I don't mean to be rude but I just read your blog and it says you're a full time nanny. It looks like you're posting all day long though.. And again not to be mean but do you think your charges parents would be upset if they saw you on the computer all day? My bosses would be pissed if I was. Just saying..
You had no choice but to fire her if you couldn't trust her to keep your child safe.
I would think if the problem had been drugs, it would have been obvious.
It sounds more as if something terrible was happening in her life, and she didn't feel comfortable confiding in you when you asked if anything was wrong. I think people are being too hard on you. You may think of a nanny as part of your family, because she functions very much like an aunt or grandmother. She may not feel the same way. It is her job.
Lets hope for her new charge's sake that she is back to her old self.
Justsaying...
I just read But look Big's blog about an hour ago and wondered that myself.
She made her latest entry at 2:03pm so even in different time zones, she was still on the clock. She has been posting on and off all day long, what is her charge doing?
Not trying to be mena here either but since this IS a site about neglectful nannies...
Just saying and abc/123..I do mean to be rude.. What nosey parkers we are..as Polly Holliday says"kiss my grits" I don't owe either of you two eggheads an explanation.
If you think I am going to take time to explain anything to two trouble makers on an anonymous blog..you are out of your freaking gourds!
Like I care what either of you think..
there are some opinions on here that mean something to me..but not either of yours.
and bye the way.. it's "does this moniker make my butt look big" to both of you..you have not earned the right to call me by any nicknames..
have agreat night ladies..gents,,whatever you are!
And another thing butt, I wasn't being a trouble maker. I was not rude about my post. You're the trouble maker here. Uh pot? Meet Kettle..
If my opinion doesn't mean anything why are you so peeved about it? Is it because you're feeling guilty? As much as your followers like you they really can't deny the fact that you post at ALL times of the day. That butt, is not having the child best interest
justsaying..you are a trouble maker. If it makes you happy to pick on me..so be it..that means you'll be leaving someone else alone.
again, I owe you nothing .
you owe me nothing. Aw the wonders of an anonymous blog.
sincerely, butt-hole..tee-hee
OP, did you ever find out what was wrong with the nanny or did you just lose touch with her? Sounds weird that you weren't very concerned for her considering she was such a big part of your life for two years. Just one person's perspective.
Just saying/abc
That was kind of rude. Why would you even ask a question like that, or excuse me, it looked more to me like you assumed... how do you know what BLB's day was like today, or any other day? Maybe the kids were down for a nap? Maybe she was off today? Maybe the mom came to pick up the kid early?
Knowing what I know of BLB, rather than explain herself, she'll take the crap you dish out, especially if it means you're leaving someone else alone.
Is there a reason why it's any of your business what any poster on here does? That's just instigating, and things would be better off around here if comments were kept to the posts themselves.
Poop, where did my post go? I'll have to repost tomorrow, it's LATE.
In does this moniker . . . 's defense: I'm a full-time nanny as well, but I've got tons of time to post all day because I drop the kids off for camp at 8:30 am and pick them up again at 4 pm.
Just because you know someone's profession doesn't mean you know what's going on in their day.
Butt looks big-you were extremely rude to me in another thread on this blog even though I had said or done NOTHING to warrant it. And as you have called me a host of rude names in the past , I will call you by a shortened version that others here use.
I checked out your blog and was curious about the whole full time nanny gig because you post all day everyday. With a baby, a toddler and a toddler in your care it's quite a legitimate question as where you find the time; and if your employer approves, given the very nature of this blog, which is to report abusive or neglectful caregivers.. Unless blatant abuse is witnessed, this is entire site is based upon assumptions, so complaining about just one more is hypocritical.
The question remains unanswered. If you were the subject of say a housekeeper posting that the nanny is blogging a lot in the bosses home I doubt very few people here would be defending it.
You're right, you don't owe us any explanation. As most of the nannies posted in sightings here don't owe any of us an explanation. But it was a legitimate question posed and you reacted with defensive anger -like most guilty parties do-which at the very least makes your mouth, not your butt, look big.
ABC/123
You are evil and mean. It seems you have nothing better to do around here but pick on people. Have you now made BLB your pet project? Are you going to save her? What do you care what she does in her personal life? And is it really any of your business?
I've not seen you really contribute anything worthy to this blog. All you seem to do is incite, provoke and inflame.
I hope the administrators of this blog see you for what you are and if you keep it up, just start deleting you. All you cause is trouble and hurt feelings.
definitely hurt feelings.
I am so sorry for you, BLB. I don't know what happened to start all of this, but it seems this other party won't let it go, and is holding a grudge. They've done nothing the past 12 hrs. but make it their mission to make you miserable. I hope if they keep it up, they will get blocked. This is nonsense, and not what this blog is for.
blb please don't let her bother you! I have been picked on alot by her.
Thanks Mrs. You are sweet. They are however, going to have to find a new kid to pick on at school.
I'm not sure what you mean, BLB, but I hope that doesn't mean you are leaving? That would be a shame because I really do enjoy reading your posts. You are so funny and witty! I like UMass, too, lol.
thank you mrs.
I don't understand why me and blb get picked on because we do not try to start fights on here. usually when we get heated it is only in defense of ourselves.
I don't understand why grown women would want to hurt someone's feelings on the internet. It seems so pathetic to me.
BLB, I've had people accuse me of the same exact thing. The difference between you and me is, I felt I had to justify myself. I basically posted my weekly schedule, my charge's napping schedule etc etc...I'm glad you're above all that.
Some people are just nasty busybodies.
UMass, I have only been around a couple of months and have only found myself posting just recently when I see something that interests me, but I've noticed you and BLB and Marissa getting picked on a lot. It bothers me because this site is supposed to help people, not hurt them, and using what's basically an anonymous cloak to harass someone is really quite pathetic in my opinion.
Agreed, mrs,
I think blb and marissa get picked on because they are unique, funny, and tell it like it is.
I think I get picked on because people are jealous of all the sexy Michael Pitt pictures I have downloaded on my blog. Nobody, and I mean nobody can find the best pics on the internet like I can, of sexy Michael Pitt. But what is crazy is they don't have to be jealous of me for that. I'll email those pics to them if they are nice to me.
:)
Oh my goodness, but you are cute, UMass. There should be more posters on here like you and the few others I mentioned. I think it would be a much nicer place!
I am not going to comment on the personal side of this other than to say I think UMS, DTMMMBLB and ABC all give as good as they get. And no one should talk about maturity in one breath while essentially saying " well she started it" in the next.
I will say, as a long time participant and and nanny, a very real question was posed, not by ABC initially but by an unknown person who may or may not have had innocent intentions. But it was posed and in a non-combative way. You may not like that question, DTMMMBLB, and your friends on the blog might not like the question either, but it was asked and it really does have a right to be asked. Just like all the nanny sightings here have a right to be posted, be they be good, bad or considered ridiculous. I can understand your feelings might be hurt by the question, and you might be angered by it's implications. But maybe this will serve as an example to us all about how it feels when the microscope is turned on ourselves. Sometimes, we forget, especially on a site like this, that the USA considers every person innocent until proven guilty and not the other way around.
Peace guys.
O.k., abc/123, what thread? I'd like to know what it was that BLB said to upset you so much that you have this vendetta against her? She hasn't been around very long, so how has she given you grief before? You asked her personal questions, so now I'm asking you. Put your money where your mouth is.
metronanny
Are you serious? BLB's personal life is not up for interrogation. She's just a poster, that's it. Not some damn nanny that's been sighted in some park, abusing some kid.
Man, you guys have just gone too far off your rocker here!
I think metronanny makes a great point actually, considering the nature and intent of this blog. She's right. It still doesn't take away from the fact that some people are nasty busybodies...the same type of nasty busybodies that post bogus nanny sightings.
metronanny,
I appreciate your point of view, but I have to agree with bebe: blb's personal life and work/mothering schedule should not be up for discussion. Sure they can ask, but I personally would decline to answer, as I hope others would as well. We share what we choose to share.
And I hold with my original opinion that neither I nor blb "started anything." I don't really care if that makes me sound juvenile because it is true. We have put forth our opinions and not attacked anyone personally. When you attack someone personally and insult them, that is "starting something." I will not take responsibility for starting anything.
I don't think it's fair for you to put me in the same category as ABC because she blatently insults people in unprovoked attacks, as she has done with me. I do not do this. Don't really know what you mean by "we give as good as it gets" but if you are implying that she is defending herself in her attacks, you are mistaken: she has insulted me before I even made any comment to her personally at all. It is possible to disagree with someone without insulting them.
But as I said, I appreciate your point of view.
Bebe, the discussion of nannies blogging all day while ignoring their charges has come up several times since I discovered ISYN. And I fail to see how ignoring your charge in the park, library, mall playground or Chuck E Cheese's is any different than ignoring your charge at home while you surf the web, read romance novels or watch soaps all day.
And before anyone decides to twist the above around to say I am accusing anyone of doing any of this, I most certainly did not and am not. Did you even bother to read the last part of my post? Let me write it again in case you missed it -Sometimes, we forget, especially on a site like this, that the USA considers every person innocent until proven guilty and not the other way around-
Bebe, do you even realize that you are behaving like a 'net troll? You have confronted me and another poster, about something that really has nothing to do with you personally. And you have done so in a very caustic and abrasive manner.
So to answer your question, yes I was very serious in my last post.
"give as good as you get" (informal)
to be strong and confident enough to treat people in the same way that they treat you, especially in an argument or a fight.
thank you, metronanny. :)
I still don't agree, though: without anything said to her, she told me (among other things) to "get my nose out of the fantasy books or my child won't have a chance."
This is not a confident or strong response. To me, it's just mean, uncalled for and condescending. As I said, though, I appreciate your point of view.
Anytime UMS! It's nice to know some people can agree to disagree on some points and remain civil! :D
And now it's off to work for me!
metronanny
it was none of your business, really. See, you probably contributed to BLB leaving the blog for good. I don't understand why you felt your opinion was necessary when she was already being beat up by two other people.
I hope the whole lot of you are happy! BLB erased her blog, and is gone.
I've never seen a bigger bunch a jerks in my whole life! All of you guys are cruel, and I wish would get a life, instead of hurting and destrying other peoples!
Before you knew about anything else (and, the other stuff is really nothing, she overused her phone minutes and a bank called you? big deal!). i am really shocked to hear that after 2 1/2 years of great nanny care that you immediately fired her after one lapse in judgement.
Granted, running out onto the sidewalk while it is dark and raining is scary as hell, and, she of course should have been paying attention to the little dude, but, really, she gets fired for this immediately? After all that time of being what you said was 'family" and a nanny that everyone wanted to steal? Wow!
When I read in butts blog that she is a full time nanny it concerned me that I see posts from her all day. I wasn't attacking her just curious as to when she spend time with her charge. Notice I didn't say her own children? I didn't mention them because I'm not going to judge her when it comes to parenting her own kids. If indeed she is a nanny she should be devoting her time to this child on not surfing on the computer all day. To those commenters who are defending her, would you defend a perfect stranger in the same situation? Just asking? You're exactly right about me not knowing her situation exactly. Just like everyone else on this board who post anon nanny sightings. I wasn't trying to be mean about pointing out the time she spends on the computer just trying to help butt realize the time is being taken away from her charge. If her charge is not in her care during the times she posts then fine. She could have just left it as it and I too would have left it. But no, she went on attack.
Attention trolls:
Before you attack me for being here in the middle of the day. I am on VACATION woo hoo!
Wow, Manhattan Nanny. You choose to come on ISYN on your vacation? Get a life!! LOL.
Wow. BLB is gone? That is seriously effed up, man.
Girl, if you read this, how am I supposed to get into contact with you? I know you ain't going to leave me hangin'.
To the others, let me say this:
If you get into a spat with someone, and words are had, is it all about who's gotta have the last say? When is it supposed to end? Like this? When someone decides that they've had enough and just leaves?
I understand being upset. Hell, I understand having to get in a jab or two if you're mad... but why keep on it? It's almost akin to stepping on a bug. That's good enough. It'll kill it, so why keep stomping on it? Isn't there some point when you know the damn thing is dead and quit? Why do that to a human being? Everyone has feelings, and you might just try to remember that the next time you're in the midst of an argument on here... someone's gotta be the bigger person, and just walk away. Don't keep on until you've broken someone's spirit.
cfg I quite agree.
it's too bad: she took her blog down too. it was a really cool blog.
oh, please. in the past, BLB has given it out much, much worse than this. she just did it anonymously. while i appreciate the fact that she became more civil once she named herself and i've tried to get along with her since then, it's mostly because i chose to ignore her dismissive and rude comments. honestly, she's the same jackhole as she was before. it shouldn't be a shock that some people don't especially care for her when she's bashed, battered, demeaned, name-called, and questioned other people's parenting over and over and over. and now she's too wimpy to take a little heat and she's *leaving*? seriously: @@. i'd defend umass or marissa or anyone else who gets attacked over nothing OUT OF THE BLUE, but you people have no memories. this does not compare in the least, IMO, and i'll just leave it at that, with no more discussion. i'm sure she'll be back, under some moniker or another, slinging the bullsh*t and telling all who dare to disagree with her that we should all be *ashamed* of ourselves and we're horrible parents, AS USUAL.
well, i've finished reading the entire thread and i have to say, with all due respect to those of you i like (which is almost everyone) that you guys are just off on this. if anyone fit the definition of a *troll* it was BLB before she named herself. i can't believe you guys are so vehemently defending someone who was so friggin' nasty until maybe 3 weeks ago. and her blog was *cool*? she made 2 posts. :::shaking head::: i'm sure i'll get slammed for my opinion since you all clearly love the nasty so much, but she was the one ragging on all of you and posting calimom's personal info a month ago. she's probably called half of you lazy or bad parents in the past, and i have no doubt that she will again. this is just so ridiculous. i can't believe any of you would consider this individual a victim.
LindaLou, You Win. You are right. Lets move on.PLEASE.
Lindalou, I didn't know that was her...I can't figure who is who when people are posting anonymously. I have no idea how some of you do it!
Haha, I love how you're so brutally honest though. Too funny :-)
Lindalou
Do you feel better now that you've put in your 2 cents? Do you think it did this thread any good having to listen to your tripe. You don't know for a fact anything she's done, you certainly can't prove it was her because we all know there are trolls aplenty on this blog.
If you ask me, you're worse than she is when it comes to muddying up this blog.
We would like to remind Everyone that one of the Rules of the Blog is to not assume who a poster is.
Thank you!
well big butt did say she used to post anonymously and she seemed unable to take any kind of criticism using one moniker. no big loss imo-- i think linda lou has a point
Awwww, shucks! I have been gone...have only about 1 minute now to post...but it seems something has happened to BLB.
I haven't read any of what has happened, but just skimmed enought ot get the gist.
I will say this. She seems like a nice girl...and any speculation about what she may or may not have posted in the past under anonymous, or any other monkier for that matter, is not only completely against the ISYN rules, but comes under the category of "in the past" anyway. If she's here and being sweet...leave her be, and enjoy BLB for the sweetie she seems to be.
And just remember...if each of us was judged only by the worst things we have done in life...none of us would be at all liked. WE all have the opportunity to make changes in our lives...for the better or the worse. I don't know if BLB was ever here before...but whoever she is, I like what she has to say as BLB. I say leave her alone.
And to BLB I say....come back! I will miss you if you don't.
Gee, I hate to disrupt the diatribes and guessing games, much as I love a good mystery, but....back to OP and her former nanny Jane. OK?
OP, I can understand firing her in anger. She did a poor job of keeping your child safe. What I can't understand is that you never tried to find out what her issue was, and that you are now posting about her when you have NO IDEA whether she is once again as you describe:
"We adored her -- she was a member of our family. We considered ourselves lucky ... she was attentive, kind, compassionate ... the nanny that everyone wanted to steal."
Maybe you should consider getting in touch with her, checking in (if she'll speak to you) and asking her how she is. Yes, it would be awkward, and yes, I know you likely won't do it, but still. For someone you valued so highly, you tossed her away like a dirty diaper.
If you do check in with her, and she is back to being herself, maybe you could let us know? TIA!
it's not about blb's posts- - i actually enjoyed them. its about being tough enough to take the attaks and criticism that comes at you when you take on one moniker. don't turn tail and run blb- - be tuff - - like your posts u are not the only one who gets attacked
Chick,
I think you are such a great person! I agree, a phone call would be nice.
and mom:
I agree with everything you said. I think BLB is very cool and I hope she comes back soon!
I agree with Mom and Anonymous1.
Several of us came to like the "new" BLB, and she really did try to get along with everyone. She did what she could to make amends from when she was Anonymous, and I saw her be kind and compliment some of the posters she previously didn't get along with, although they may not have realized at the time who she originally was. She also admitted in another thread some of her wrong-doings, and we should at least appreciate that.
I also believe that during any flame war, it is up to each individual to stay strong and not take the criticism to heart.
Although I'm not at liberty to explain why BLB was angry to begin with as Anonymous, I will say that some of the accusations made against her were unwarranted.
There has never been just one person trolling this site at a time and causing problems.
Wow, sounds just like the last time I was here and was criticized for all sorts of things. I was even called a liar when I decided to share my personal information with you guys (I'm the oil "heiress" from Texas that works as a nanny)
i remember that and i believed u
peopele really got onto u if i recall but hey - - u really have to get past that and be tuff. i hope u are back?
I don't get what the fricken uproar is about? I inquired about butts situation because on her blog it said she's a nanny who works 8-5 everyday. I've thought to myself before that she must have a lot of free time cause I'm always reading posts from her. When I saw that she has a nanny job of course the question came up in my head about her time spent on the computer during her nannying hours. None of you wonder about the child she is being paid to watch? You say that it's none of my business but guess what? I bet all these other bad nannies in these sightings would say the same thing. Come on people you're supposed to be child advocates. I didn't try to start trouble on purpose and you can see that from my first post. I was being nice enough about it. All I was doing was inquiring. Is it not ok to ask questions? Butt went on the attack and turned it into something it didn't need to be.
JustSaying,
You asked a question and blb reacted defensively for whatever reasons. I agree with some of the above posters who recommend maintaining a tough hide when criticized on this blog, unfairly or otherwise. I don't know whether blb is a good nanny but she does offer some insight about nannies via her posts, and I hope she doesn't allow a difference of opinion or a perceived 'jab' to keep her from posting. She has a right to her opinion whether we agree or disagree with it. Verbal skirmishes happen on here because we are all very passionate about the welfare of children. In this, we are all united and for me, that is the bottom line and the very reason we need to get past the slights and occasional arguments and back on track, and trust me, I've had my share of jousts on here!
As for this nanny, I can't help but remember the phrase, "a leopard doesn't change its spots". Of course, I could be wrong (and often am) but when it comes to the safety and well being of children, I don't like to leave anything to chance.
Cheers!
Just saying
I saw where you asked BLB the question about the amount of time she spent on the blog, and I saw her answer back. She wasn't entirely rude, but she did cop a bit of an attitude, however, it was definately undeserving of the punishment you and Abc meted out.
Specifically the actions from Abc.
But you, just saying, have explained yourself no less than 3 times. We get it. Maybe you didn't mean any harm, but all the same, your inquiry to BLB was sort of obnoxious.
I don't know about what happened in the other areas mentioned, but perhaps someone can point out what punishment ABC or JustSayin' dished out? They posed a perfectly natural and normal question and got an attitude back which resulted in the expected outcome of a disagreement.
None of the defenders here even bothered to address the hypothetical question that was posed. If this were a stranger, and was reported on the site as a nanny who spent a lot of time on the computer during working hours, would there be such a rush to defend? I think not.
As for these grand announcements of people leaving, they seem like bids for attention to me. Some wilting flower is so terribly wounded by some remark from someone they have never met in real life and probably will never meet that they feel it's necessary to leave and make a big deal about doing so. Of course, they rarely ever do leave because enough people rally around them and beg them to stay. But even if they did stop posting under one moniker, what's to stop them from posting under another five minutes later? That's what's great about the Internet. Everyday you can reinvent yourself all over again and no one will be the wiser.
As for destroying someone and breaking their spirit all I can say is, if your life is wrecked and your spirit crushed by mere words from strangers on a blog then you didn't have much spirit to begin with. I hate to say it but all this drama on the part of some people reminds me of my 13 year old daughter and her friends. With them, every little spat is a Greek tragedy of epic proportions.
Dare I live up to my moniker and say, maybe, just maybe, BLB deleted her blog and left because her employer doesn't know she's blogging so much? That is a possibility. You really never know who's on the other end of that keyboard!
Sorry, Devil, that doesn't even sound plausible. By your own words: "Everyday you can reinvent yourself all over again and no one will be the wiser"... so how would it even be possible that her employer would know it was her? She can be anyone she wants, right? Even me! (not!) But you get my drift.
However, I do agree on your comment: "As for these grand announcements of people leaving, they seem like bids for attention to me" .... sounds reasonable enough. Although it's a little tragic that they would want that kind of attention - it's sad. So yes, maybe their life is a little wrecked, who knows? But I've seen several people admit that it get's to them when someone attacks them personally. Computer or not, it still stings a little.
Thanks umass!
OK, I apparently can't keep out of the furor. (le sigh)
It's not ISYN posters' business if blb is on-line while she is working. If her surfing is detrimental to her job performance, that will eventually catch up with her. If it's not, then no harm no foul.
I think some folks just HAVE to stir the pudding every so often. Who knows why?
Ok, I will throw my hat into the ring and dare to answer the question Devil's Advocate as well as others posed.
If I were a housekeeper, walked in and saw nanny X surfing the web when I got there, and surfing the web when I went back into that area of the home to work then saw her surfing again as I left, I would definitely take notice. I would also consider perhaps nanny x has a personal issue she needs to deal with that day, maybe a banking issue and needs to be on the web. If I saw her doing it again the next time and again the next time, I would definitely report her. I would do so out of concern for the child because I am assuming I work for the type of person that expects nanny x to be interacting with her child instead casually observing from over the edge of a laptop. Sadly, not all mothers demand their nannies be attentive and not all nannies are.
If I saw this report on ISYN I would likely agree the parents should be made aware.
I can say as a working mother who employs a nanny, I would not tolerate someone blogging on and off through out the day while they are supposed to be interacting with my children. I understand most nannies don't get breaks like regular jobs but that's the nature of the beast and any person going into the childcare profession should know that. Most people at regular jobs don't get to spend blazing hot summer days at the pool and dismal rainy ones walking the mall either.
So, in conclusion, If Butt Looks Big were some random nanny, my nanny, and her blog was posted on here along with a rundown of all the posts she made and the times, and more than two were during working hours, I would definitely be having a talk with her about what her job entails and what my expectations are.
HOWEVER
There are two things that make this hypothetical scenario complicated.
1. She is not my nanny. And different employers have different expectations and rules. There's a nanny at the community pool that does nothing but sit on her ass all day reading books or gossip rags. Her employer is with her some days and she seems just fine with it. Every so often, This nanny will get up to check on the kids in the pool but most of the time her nose is buried in a book or magazine. I can't imagine she is any different in the park or at home but hey, mom's OK with it!
2. Butt Looks Big is NOT some random nanny. She is a well-liked and respected poster here and so it 'is only natural for some to look to defend her as a nanny and view any questioning of her job performance as sinister. And of course, it's as much within people's rights to defend her as it is within people's rights to question her.
I must, respectfully disagree with Chick though. The entire business of the blog and those who participate on it is to question what nannies are doing and how well or poorly they are doing it. And that extends to all nannies, even the ones we love.
Texas oil heiress. I believed you!
And as for some people being thin skinned and excessively affected by criticism...that may well be true. Some people may not have yet become as strong against such things as others...but that's not a character flaw that ought to be criticised. Some people are just more sensitive than others. We can say "don't be hurt," but that isn't always easy when you're on the other end.
I left the blog myself for a while after a particularly prolific onslaught of criticism...on several threads at once, if I remember correctly.
As I said I haven't even read all of what went down these past few days....so I am not commenting on specifics. But I will tell you this...there was a particular poster a while back that I did not get along with AT ALL. We had more than one heated flame war...a couple of which I could tell really rattled her. And, even though I was plenty mad at her, and thought she was plenty mean at the time.....did I get any satisfaction out of "one upping her?" NO! Once I would have a chance to step away from the computer, revert to more rational thoughts, and realize she may actually be somewhere crying over what I had said, I felt like crap. It's not worth it. This is a blog. People who may be, for whatever reason, vulnerable or fragile at any given time (we have no idea what somebody may be going through in their "real" lives), ought to be held up...not torn down.
I'm just saying...if maybe we tried to treat each other in here like we would if we were face to face, it might be better all the way around.
My flame wars taught me alot about what Kind of person I want to be
(I wasn't always proud of myeslf for some of the things I said on here)....whether you all ever know who I am or not...I KNOW. And the person you are in secret is the person you ARE...just as much as you are the person you let be seen. And I want to be satisfied that I am a person who brings more joy than sorrow.
All that said...I'll probably slip into anger right here again sometime...and I hope if I do I can be forgiven if I apologize and try to be better. And I think we should offer that to anybody who wants to play nice...no matter what they have done before.
I see a lot of apologies on here. I think they ought to be accepted and we move on from there.
Mom, I don't think anyone here will understand the hurt unless they are attacked themselves.
All the more reason to assume if someone has a "wrecked" life, that they would be even more sensitive to an attack on here.
I will say this. Some may have figured out I'm a regular, and for the record, I will confirm that now. The reason I disappeared so long ago is because I was attacked once, and that was all it took for me to leave, wait awhile, and then come back under a new moniker.
Who comes on here to be treated like garbage? I know why I'm here, and it's not to wage war. I quietly made my exit, and yes, my feelings were hurt. The attacker may not know you personally, but if they've paid enough attention, they can pick apart what they do know about you, and stupid things like your grammar... and it's all in an attempt to make you feel less-than-nothing. We're only human, and I'm sorry if some people think it's silly to have hurt feelings over an internet argument, but examining all of the posters that have either left, or said as much, proves it happens.
Oh, sorry. I also meant to say that I loved your post, mom.
mm said: "I must, respectfully disagree with Chick though. The entire business of the blog and those who participate on it is to question what nannies are doing and how well or poorly they are doing it. And that extends to all nannies, even the ones we love."
If it was known exactly who blb is, and it was known that she was, indeed, a nanny, and people had actually met her, and seen her in action, then she would be a fair target of criticism.
As it is though, no one has volunteered the info that they have proof she's a nanny, etc. Why waste energy on berating someone we have NEVER seen working as a nanny, when there are actual sightings to discuss?
I mean, blb could be a 24 yo slacker male college student hoping to get lucky tonight. You could be a grandma who is alienated from her children and smokes 3 packs a day while playing bridge at the nursing home. I could be a crazy cat lady who likes to pretend I have wild orgies with clebrities.
We don't KNOW each other here. It's a waste of time to attack people based on myth and storytelling ability.
Know what I mean?
So many awesome posts! I don't have much to add except to agree with what mom, cfg and chick said.
BLB is not a nanny from a siting that was sent in. I think a good rule of thumb is to focus on the sitings that are sent in, and not speculate as to what certain posters are doing with their time. That, in short, just seems quite silly to me.
BLB, if you're reading this: nobody knows your situation or what you are feeling. But I do know what it is like to get flamed and I don't blame you for feeling hurt. But I miss you!!!!! So I hope you come back, as BLB or some other name, it will still be you and you will still be a great poster.
Hey, somebody speculated a long while back that I was ignoring my kids while posting here. But mine are in school all day during the school year....and as teenagers, they don't always want to play with mommy even when they are home anyway. Duh. You're right...we don't know each others situations AT ALL.
Do you think you guys could possibly keep the thread on the original subject matter? I just found this site a few days ago and its kinda pathetic that many of you appear to be incapable of having a discussion without reverting to high-school drama queen behavior... especially when everyone claims to be responsible nannies or moms (or both).
denver nanny,
we will try. K, Sunshine Love?
(hugs)
denver nanny
you're not the boss, ok? people get off subject, it's a BLOG!
I never claimed to be the boss...or even anything close to that. I'm just tired of having to sort through snippy comments that are posted simply to aggravate others, when I'm trying to read the comments that are actually helpful and informative.
Denver, you're adding to it.
Who cares anyway? So you have to skim through certain comments that you don't approve of and don't want to read? I do it all the time. It's not the end of the world. As CC pointed out, it's a blog...this is what happens on blogs.
Denver Nanny,
I'm just curious, what is your Hogwarts House of preference?
Just asking.
And, oh: do you like nick jonas or kevin jonas better. or joe jonas. you can pick joe too.
That is really strange that she was so great at first and then suddenly changed so drastically. I wonder what that is all about. It's a good thing you figured her out before anything happened to your son. I hope the current family she is working with views this post before it is too late.
Well, I think we can safely surmise from these comments that Slythering and Gryffindor are both out. Ya think, Umass?
And welcome Denver Nanny. We just sorta have fun sometimes...no worries. Give us a little time and the whole group really grows on you.
There are mostly serius comments...but yes, we digress at times as well.
anybody else notice that recently within a 24 hr period of time we lost 2 "new" agressive posters and a few "lost" regulars found their way back quick as
abc123? im justsaying
this whole week has been strange-
not to derail though.
hope the op has read some of these posts. lot of good input as to why the nanny may have acted so weird
it is good that op acted so fast. who knows what might have happened if she allowed jane to continue watching her son.
until i am in that position ,who knows how i would react? i would likely lose it.
OK, I hope I can say this without violating the rules here, and I am not ASSUMING I knew who BLB was, but once again, I am nodding my head with LindaLou. It's that misuse of, commas and,spaces after them,that waves around like a big red flag in all her posts and has raised my suspicions over the last week or so. Remember the mega-uber-angry posts about lazy parents who don't get their child out of diapers by 18 months? And the ones blaming liberals who let their children pee outside for all the kidnappings that happen?
And to repeat my deleted post about Jamaican Jane from the other night, OP didn't bat an eyelash about giving her the boot without so much as a 5 minute conversation to find out what the problem might be or what could be done to help. And it strikes me as just plain vindictive now to post 2 years later, outraged that she has managed to find herself another job, acting as if she should never be allowed near children again. And a bank called wanting to verify her employment? WTF is so strange about that?
Cali mom,
I'm not sure who you mean you think BLB was...but whoever she might have been before, don't you think she's being nice now? And she's funny and has some pretty insightful things to say.
I don't know. I think if somebody might have done some things on here that they were regretful about and wanted to come back and be nice under another name, we ought to just let bygones be bygones and give her another chance.
Whoever she WAS...I really like who she IS now.
Janes addiction
just so you know, I'm just sayin has been around for at least 2 wks., maybe more. And Abc/123, who the hell knows, but they've been around for at least a week, too. Same for Gimmeabreak. I doubt they are BLB. They were around before she left. What "lost" regulars are you talking about that found their way back? How can you tell any new moniker is from a "lost" regular?
some are so unforgiving.is this what we will teach our children are these the values and rules we will passs on to them
we teach our kids to forgive, why can't we?
if someone makes a change for the better at the request of other bloggers on this site,i would say that is a big deal.Do you know how hard it is to make a change like that?To turn your attitude around and try and get a long with others?To admit to several you were wrong? it is hard.
If she did all those nasty things that several of you mention(4 of you in particular,who if you ask me seem really to only be one or two posting as four)it seems she tried to turn it around.and i doubt that she really did ALL you say.none of us know who is posting or when.
just like the rest of you I saw the post where another blogger reached out to her and asked her to try and stop going in the direction that she was.
even then the same a few trouble makers had to butt in and try and interfere but do to the same peacemaker you were stopped in your tracks.
when the new rules took effect it seems she picked a moniker and she stayed clear of name calling and judging.she was not deceiving anyone but like the rest of us forced to pick a moniker.I saw one or two posts weher she called someone an ass or got mad cause they where picking on a few regulars or copped an attitude.Nothing unusual though.
admitting you knew who she was all the time in you last post makes it easy to understand that it was most likely you who chose a double moniker and picked on her.I doubt that her boss new she was blogging but i don't think that is why she left. I think she left because she recognized the blast of a familiar attack from the past under a newly assummed moniker.
you said "it had only been 3 weeks that she had been behaving" so then why did you have to be such a nasty you know what and bring everything up again? her post made it clear she was leaving for a different reason,she never mentioned you.from what I see she did not reference you,unless you were abc or just saying,as i suspect.
she did not call herself a victim but said she was leaving because of undeserving attention from a few posters that she simply was unable to handle at this time.(again,i think she recognized your familiar attacks and high tailed it before things had a chance to revert to the past)we don't know what is going on in somebodys life when they come to this board.though from her last post,sounds like alot.maybe she took all of her anger out here and should not have?I don't know.
so stay and fall into her old habits or leave and come back when she can.seems respectful of her new blogger friends and the new rules if you ask me and not a grand announcement for attention as one poster suggested.
if i had to choose,i would choose the person who when asked,tried to make the change and complied to the new rules and was seemingly sincere when she conceded she had indeed made certain statements and was sorry.
to this day i have yet to see any ones personal info posted by another blogger as you claim.
missed that!
we are all capable of being bitches.but are we all capable of making changes for the better?on a publib blog?
i can see by the posts of a few of you,that your answers would be no.
I liked the new rules that blb was playing by.
calimom,I think you are wrong. I do not think that she veered from her new moniker after she chose it.
she still said what was on her mind so no reason to do so?
if she made the change and left you alone,i don't see why you and LL could not do the same? or abc or just saying or what ever it is some are calling themselfs these days.
this is a big world,we are not always going to get along with people but if someone goes out of there way to try and get a long you should appreciate that.
that is what we want to teach our children,right? and I would hop off the coattails of lindalou.
nodding your head with lindalou is nothing to be proud of.did she really take credit for blb's changes?( cause i've avoided her) did you read the last two posts she made. They are evil and hate filled.true or not,I do not know,but i would think you of all people would have been glad at the changes blb made.
blb admitted she learned alot about herself and others after the new rules went into effect.what have you learned about yourselfs?
that you are good at pointing out what a bitch someone was in the past and that she is not worthy of change.
calimom,I think you are smart.
I have nothing bad to say about you and want to make sure you know that.I just had to say this cause I knew that blb was an angry anonymous poster too but I really liked the changes she made.as a mom I thought even though you might not say it,you would appreciate them too.
i needed to say this.
just to clear things up. I am a regular poster who chose a new moniker for this post.i don't want those who are unable to forget to target me in the future.i enjoy this board and want to be able to continue to blog here.
I haven't been around here much and apparently have missed the part where BLB confessed to having been an anonymous bitch in the past or conceded anything to anyone. What thread did that happen in? Fromn this thread, all I can see of BLB is that she took extreme offense at being asked what her charges were doing while she blogged all day, was rude to people and huffed off. Nothing earth-shattering.
cali mom well thats all you would see.
She made a change when another blogger requested it of her. not sure how you missed that.a change that was welcomed by most posters on here.sorry you selectively missed it.
And as to your remark about huffing off. She's not stupid. she knew who was hounding her with those questions. so do the two who were doing it..so do the rest of us who are regulars. she was not the only one with a certain writing style and snip in their posts.
sorry you can't make some changes yourself and try and be a little nicer.
"some husbands are useless, yours sounds like one of them" wtf..who says shit like that?
Holy heck stop making this such a big hairy deal about someone questioning BLB about time spent with her charge. FYI to all those posters saying we don't know how old her kids are and crap read the comments. People read in her blog she has young children and a young charge she watches all week. Edna and Sydney White do you know Butt personally? Sure looks like your really really close to her. Strange,
I for one, did not know BLB personally, but I can say I wish she would come back. I miss her because she seemed really nice and was very funny and perceptive. I hate for this blog (my favorite blog) to lose any posters.
Juicy. I too, think you're wrong.
How do you know Edna and Sydney White aren't just that? Two new posters? Who says they have to be affiliated with BLB? I'm sorry to break it to you, but most people didn't know who she was, and they liked her as Butt looks Big. I know I did.
Juicy,As anonymous posted above, I have stood up for many bloggers on this site and have never met a one!
Come on! I wasn't implying that you know the poster personally. I was merely trying to point out that both posts look REALLY familiar like they're wrote by the same person and coincidently look similar to butts posts. And Edna Anons post is erased so I have no idea what your referring to.
juicy,
Yes,I am sydney white,anonymous, bebe,mom, umass and any others who may have blogged above or who liked butt looks big.Just as you are lindalou, just saying,abc/123 and cali mom and or anyone who does not like butt looks big.
Pretty stupid when you take that approach and look at it that way though.
I posted what I feel.
I do agree with anon's post though.
After blogging with the same people day in and out you do form "friendships" and it is only natural to want to protect your friends.
I say that the post both look familiar because in both of them the sentences start with a lowercase letter. Kind of strange but it could be two different posters. IDK?
So because you've formed a good friendship it means you can excuse someone blogging all day and ignoring their charge? A young child who needs interaction with a loving caring individual and not someone on the internet all day. Well go ahead then and defend that behavior.
Let's please not assume we know who the identity of a poster is. It's one of the Blogs golden rules.
Thanks! :)
juicy,It is obvious you are here for no other reason than to antogonize those who liked butt looks big.If you truly have the all seeing power to know what any of us are doing through out our days while blogging on any blog,where our kids are if grandma or dad are home watching them that day,then your talent is being wasted here.
according to you blb was blogging all by herself.You sure seem intent on targeting one blogger here.Why not ask what the others were doing,as suggessted above? But since you seem to know what we are all doing,please do tell.
however,you will have to argue with yourself. I have no time for such nonesense.good day
Really Edna? Antagonizing those who like butt looks big? How about trying to be an advocate for a child whos nanny is on the computer all day? I'm not asking others because I haven't seen anyone else write in their own blog that they are a nanny and post the hours they work then post comments all day. BLB was asked a legit question and responded by being rude and going on attack. I think her actions speak for themselves.
I wasn't going to get involved in this here, but juicy, that's just not true. Did BLB cop a bit of an attitude, yes. I would've too being asked such a personal question, but let's get things clear, she did not attack anyone. That's just a fabrication, and not very cool of you to suggest.
I miss you, BLB, if you're out there. You were my buddy.
:*(
I miss you too, BLB. :*( If you are reading this I'm sending you big kisses and hugs. But totally platonic, cus I'm straight and stuff, K? :)
And oh...did someone above actually claim to be me? I think that's hilarious. Even in jest. :)
Where Umass? What time?
lol. hi, cfg. :)
Edna at 3:03. :) It gave me a chuckle. :)
Oh, I thought you meant seriously! No, I thought that was hilarious!
But what I'd like to know is, why am I always left out? First it was the ISYN picnic, where I had to beg for an invitation, and now, even as BLB's best friend, I don't get picked to be a fraud and you do?
This sucks!
I just want everyone to know that I am cfg.
did that help??? :)
It wasn't quite the same because I saw it coming. And again, I had to beg.
But, thanks anyway Umass.
LOL
:)
OK, where to start..
In defense of CaliMom, I too missed the part where BLB supposedly confessed to being mean as an anonymous poster. Not "selectively" but because it is summer, my kids are home and we have been away A LOT. That wasn't a fair assumption about Cali. (And I didn't even look to see who wrote that, so I am not trying to attack you.)
Also, I think this thing about cliques is a little silly. Yes, some of us may feel protective toward "our own." But, if people would stop griping about that and simply take a moment to notice...all you have to do to be one of the "regulars" is pick a moniker and be polite. It's not a terribly exclusive or hard to break into group. If anybody reading here is feeling left out, by all means, just pick a moniker, put on your manners and join "the group!" Disgaree all you like...just do it like nice, grown up ladies. How hard is that?
As for BLB, again, whoever she WAS I really DON'T CARE. She has her manners panties on now and I love to see her here as BLB. She adds a lot to the blog IMO. If she was mean before and has made an incredible effort to change (not to mention forgve us all for what we may have said to her), ALL THE MORE RESPECT goes out to her from me.
BLB come back...and as BLB please. I want to know it's you. You have friends here, and we miss you.
Manners panties? LOL, love it, Mom!
I will try to find that post where BLB said she was sorry for what she did to others in the past. Give me a few, because I don't remember what thread it was in, but I did see it.
"I will be the first to admit, it's easy to get caught up in an argument on this site. Afterall, children mean so much to all of us and our emotions run high when faced with such diverse opinions.
I have in more than one instance fessed up to being wrong to a few different posters and offerred a few aplologies to those who I did make remarks about.
Any other name calling in the past would have definitely been a two sided affair and only in defensive anger , after being called names myself, would I have called names or badgered anyone."
- BLB, april 6th thread.
Damn. My friend is gone. I'm not happy about that.
OK cfg, cool. But I wasn't saying she didn't admit that...I was just pointing out that Cali mom legitimately didn't see it. Cali says what she feels and doesn't worry about making anybody like her or not...so I highly, highly doubt she has any reason to lie on here. Just doesn't soundlike her to me.
But I would like to see what BLB wrote just the same. And for everything I have said on here that may have hurt her in the past, I hope she will accept my very sincere apology. I know who she was, and I remember with deep regret some of our exchanges.
She is a nice person and just wants to be all of our friend. Please everybody, leave the past behind us. It's the right thing to do.
With all do respect Mom, I believe it takes more than manners and a moniker. I believe you need to mold yourself to think as the leading commenters think. If you dare comment against a "regular" even in a non-confrontational way you better watch your back. You'll be called a troll, trouble maker, nosey Parkers and an egghead. And these are all quotes mind you. Having an opinion and questioning a regular about her dedication to her charge IS NOT ALLOWED. If you remember this than you'll fit right in!
Just saying,
I think some of us are just feeling a litle bit overprotective of BLB at the moment, so maybe we come off a little too rabidly in her defense. Sorry if you have been offended in the process. It will all even out after a little while I'm sure.
As for having to agree....there are a couple of my very favorite posters here who I see eye to eye with maybe 50% of the time...or maybe even less. But I have respect for them for other reasons that us having to have clonelike emotions and opinions. When I offer a contrary opinion, I just try to do it in a diplomatic way wihtout calling them names or saying I feel sorry for their kids. (I have not always been so kind on here...hence my apologies and regret for how I may have treated BLB "in another life.")
I know Calimom just didn't see it, that's cool. I am not the least bit offended by what she or you said. There's a big difference to having an opinion, or stating a fact, and just being rude and I know Calimom was just stating fact and opinion, which of course is fine. And same with you mom, you've been so nice. I've been around long enough that I remember all the fighting and I know who BLB was.
The only other person who may know the whole story is lindalou. And that's because they fought. A lot.
Besides, I saw lindalou call her out the other day, I think in this thread.
Anyway, I am with you, and just want her to come back. She was doing really well as BLB, and her past shouldn't matter. It's who she is now, and that now was someone who was trying to get along with everyone, including those she fought with in the past.
I don't think it's fair for anyone to hold a grudge.
And I don't think anyone here would like it too much if they had a bunch of people mad at them and not forgive them for something they did wrong in the past.
People change. They really do.
Oh, and 'just saying' - that's not fair. I don't mold myself to think as the "leading commenters", and by that I assume you mean regulars. I don't agree with them the majority of the time, in fact.
But I do like the way they express themselves, and that's what intrigues me.
I changed my moniker awhile back. If I were to put it up now, everyone would know exactly who I was, but I choose not to do that. However, even though these people might not recognize who I am now, I still feel like "part of the group" - I like the way mom described it best (great job, btw!) -
"if people would stop griping about that and simply take a moment to notice...all you have to do to be one of the "regulars" is pick a moniker and be polite. It's not a terribly exclusive or hard to break into group."
"Is there a reason why it's any of your business what any poster on here does? That's just instigating, and things would be better off around here if comments were kept to the posts themselves"
According to you CFG, I'm not allowed to question what a poster does even if all signs point towards neglecting their charge to post on the computer.
Don't tell me what I said is not fair.
cfg, I have no clue who you were before...but I guarantee it doesn't matter to ma a bit...no matter what.
If we can't forgive (and I'm not implying you need to be forgiven to be liked...as I say, I have no idea who you were...and I myself have had to ask forgiveness on this very site more than once)...what is the point of any of us trying ot better ourselves and make amends or ask forgiveness for anything. Life owuld be pretty belak fot all of us in that case I wouold guess, because I'm sure we all have things we're really ashamed of somewhere in our pasts....unless...well,,,I highly doubt Jesus is an ISYN contributor...but ya never know!
I agree with mom. Put on the manners underwear and pick a name. I don't think many people here agree with me all the time or even most of the time, but the people who I enjoy have never (to my knowledge) called me nasty names or accused me of being a bad parent, or accused me of sucking in general. So to justsaying: if one is willing to post and "put up with" the things you dislike about me, without name-calling or insulting me for the type of person I am, then other people will enjoy you too, regardless of whether or not they agree with your opinions. Lately, I feel like I have been spending too much time defending myself against unfair accusations and rude insults, and I'm sure that is how BLB felt too. I disagree that how much she posts on ISYN should be relevant to a thread at any time. She is not the nanny in the thread, she is a poster, and I think we should give ALL posters the benefit of the doubt that they are good people unless they disprove themselves. There is quite enough going on in the posts here to focus on without dragging an innocent poster and how she spends her time into the thread, imo. It's too bad BLB hasn't been posting, because I enjoyed what she had to say.
I'm all for letting bygones be bygones with Just Sayin too. Admittedly, we all probably came off a little extra defensive on BLBs behalf.
Lets just forget about all of this, try to get BLB back, and start over.
Really nothing was said by anybody that was so bad (at least that I saw) that we can't just forget the whole thing and pretend it never happened.
Just saying
That was me being upset. I just thought that particular question to BLB was out of line. I don't know if it was asked with malice or not, but obviously, it upset her. I concede.
But your saying:
"If you dare comment against a "regular" even in a non-confrontational way you better watch your back."
Is speculation and a wide generalization. That's not the way it is with every regular. That's what I'm saying isn't fair, that's all.
And for the record mom, I got jumped once and left. I didn't fight with anyone. I got picked on for my grammar by the once popular patrolling grammar police, and it was enough for me at that time to just take a breather.
I'm not asking for anyone to let bygones be bygones with me. Hate me if you must, I don't care. I at one time did care but my character was attacked and my attitude towards posters has changed. If you can't beat them join them. It's much easier to be the bad guy than remain PC at all times.
I just can't wrap my head around how everyone is skirting the issue of blb posting all day long while working as a nanny. Some of you may claim the child might be sleeping, away with grandparents etc.. but go back and look at her comments. I guarantee you will see she has posted for weeks at all times during the work day. The reason I know this is because I checked it out before I brought it up to her the first time. Keep turning a blind eye to it if you must but shame on you for not sticking up for this child.
I can't believe you're saying you would rather be the bad guy.
None of us know what those kids were doing while she posted.
She said one time they were playing in the sprinklers in the backyard while she sat on the deck typing to ISYN.
Maybe other times they were taking naps, or after she fixed their lunch they were eating and she came on for 10 min.
Come on, if that's the case then, how neglected are all those children while their moms or nannies are vacuuming, or doing dishes, or whatever else?
There's an infinite amount of time/minutes through-out the day that someone can take a breather.
And really, it only takes 2 min. to post something, lol.
lol cfg I was thinking the same thing! I mean, me personally? I type like a mofo. I can post 30 times in the space of a few minutes. lmao. People make it seem like it's the same thing as writing a freaking novel! :)
"She said one time they were playing in the sprinklers in the backyard while she sat on the deck typing to ISYN."
How about putting on your suit and playing in the sprinkler with the kids? It is after all what you're getting paid as a nanny to do. Get your butt off the computer and wait till you're not working to post.
Would you condone using the computer on company time at any other job?
Oh, and I just wanted to say real quick, some days I post once. Other days like today, I may post who knows? 10? 15? Anyway, that's not indicative of how much time I spend on here. I checked ISYN a few times through-out the day, and if I saw something I wanted to comment on, I did. I don't think I spent more than 10 min. at any one time, and you can see I posted quite a few today.
Only now have I really spent any time on here and that's because of this being more of a "conversation", but going back to the first post from the time I got on this time, it's been 20 min. and I wouldn't have come back to this thread, except you commented on my last post. Otherwise, 9:53 would've been my last one.
I get what you're saying, just saying, but what about kids being kids? They don't always want an adult up thier butt. She may very well have read them a book before that, or arts and crafts, who knows? But the point is, we weren't there, so how can we judge what quality time she spevt with them? It's not the end of the world that she didn't get in the sprinkler, maybe she forgot to shave her legs that day? I mean, come on, lol.
Umass, yep. I type like a mofo too, with fingernails at that!
What are you people still prattling on about? Ridiculous.
Should a nanny be on the internet while on the clock. No, not really. But if my nanny set my child up with an activity and wanted to take a break, I wouldn't lose sleep over it. I would hope she would then put on a swimsuit and play with my child. Or maybe she had already invited the children's friends over, in which case the nanny should let the children play.
The way some of you go on with your holier than thou attitudes. I work in a corporate office and all of my friends work in business. Do you know how often I im people or email friends or read this blog or CNN online? Every single day.
That's reality.
Suck on it.
well said, tina v.
I concur.
Looks like you been sort of sitting this one out, umass, lol.
just saying, you have a personal vendetta against blb.There is no mistaking it. you stated that she was very rude to you in one thread,no doubt that is why you are going after her.I have not seen you around much before the questioning of her daily schedule began.Since it is againt rules to guess who is posting maybe if you reveal your old/regular moniker it will clear up the mystery for the rest of us.Maybe then we will see the reason you are so pissed at her. It just makes no sense for a new poster to be so adament about this.
A poster above has asked you to let it go amd move on and you state you would rather remain the badguy? This goes back much further than the past two weeks.
so,either deal with the real issue or really.. please let it go.
We are not allowed to assume who is who, but you're right edna, why would a new poster seem to have such a grudge against BLB? It doesn't make sense.
I've seen "just saying" kind of get into it a little with other posters, but she's not going (and staying) after them.
Kind of makes you go, hmmmmm, don't it?
Edna, dude get your facts right. I NEVER said she was rude to me. I've never had any contact with her in any of the threads. I'm not out to get anyone. I'm not "pissed" at her. Sheesh, wake up and read the actual comments.
Tina V, I'd rather not suck it but thanks for asking!
HAHA! You're too funny Bebe, where else have you seen me post except on this one thread? You and Edna are tip top investigators.
But you just said earlier that you wanted to be the bad guy. And when mom asked you to drop it, you said you didn't want bygones to be bygones. And you've definately made an issue out of it tonite.
So, why then? You can't seriously be that bored. I get that you don't like her, sorry, but I do.
I never said anything about you posting on other threads, where did that one come from??
But that does bear asking, why haven't you posted on other threads then? Why just this one? And why are you beating this subject to death?
Nannies who are on computers all day, reading a book or on their cells all the time give my profession a bad name. I loath lazy nannies. I agree I've taking up too much of the board and my time with this mater. I'm done posting about it now.
just saying, You are right. I went back and read the thread and it was abc123 who stated blb was very rude to her/him. My mistake.I apologise.
I still say your vendetta goes much deeper than you admit.I still say just saying has an evil twin on this board.
Edna
You seem like a purty decent lady, lol. Glad to have you around. bfn
JS Are you truly a nanny?
How dare you accuse blb of being a neglectful nanny for spending 5 minutes here or there commmenting on a blog throughout the day and then turn around and claim victory by remaining the badguy.You are teeming with angst and hate.Yet You have the gall to preach about what a horrible nanny she must be??? Are you shittin me?
The fact that you are even around children with such a horrible attitude is frightening. You have made it clear that you are unwilling to resolve things or forgive and forget. You even boast about staying the badguy.
I truly hope that those little sponges that you care for do not soak up your horrid ways. I pray that you are teaching them "do as I say not as I do".( as was suggested earlier in another post...not sure who that was aimed at but it sue applies here!)
For both you & juicy,If you think that a nanny who comments throughout the day on a CHILD RELATED blog gives "your profession" a bad name..well guess what slick..so does a nanny who would rather fight and argue than try and make things work.
What is that teaching the kids that you watch? Hypocrits!
Thanks cfg.I think u r cool too.
bfn
Sydney, try some daily Metamucil. It might help you with that uncomfortable little problem you have going on.
What makes anyone so sure that BLB has left here? You,all are so sure. that she ,HAS , efft but ,Im not buying it.
Cali
Easy girl! I never said I thought she'd left for good. I'm pretty sure she'll be back, but I'm guessing she'll wait til it dies down a bit, then come back under another name, who knows, maybe we're all wrong, and she'll come back as BLB, lol. Wouldn't that be a hoot now after all of this, ha!
I hope she is reading allof this and will come back when it dies down. And I really hope she comes back as BLB. She has no reason to hide since she hasn't done anything. Seems most of us have admitted to being driven away for a time because fo flame wars. Some uf us are back under the same old names after a break, and some of us have new monikers. I like knowing who the "old peeps" are, so I personally like when people come back as "themselves." (Although I see that sometimes it is best for a particualr poster to start anew when they are trying to make a fresh start with a new attitude. And good for those.)
cali mom
you just had to start in on someone else since you non longer have your favorite horse to ride,didn't you?
Calimom,I was not sure where to post this. I tried to send it anonymously via email,as I would have preferred that Jane or MPP try and contact you and send it to you,however,it came back to me as "failed to reach recipient".
I am not as computer savvy as everyone thinks.
Calimom,I owe you an apology and I am sorry. This war between us has waged on far too long and I should have apologized as soon as I saw it getting out of hand.
Please know that it is a sincere apology with no underlying motives except those of a remorseful mommy/nanny who cannot believe she would ever treat someone so hatefully.
I most certainly do not teach my children to behave this way and I am ashamed that I have.
Again,I am so very sorry for all that I have said or implied in the past.I am also sorry for any and all anonymous attacks toward you.
I truly beleive that we are both bright enough and mature enough to post on this board without an ensuing flamewar. I don't know that I think we can do it while agreeing on anything what so ever, but I do beleive we can both make our points while still being civil to each other.
Please understand,this apology is in no way asking you to make nice or like me..it is simply something I needed to do because it is the right thing to do.I feel badly about what has happened and how I have behaved toward you.I am not asking you to forget,but I am asking that you know my apology is there,when and if there ever comes a time you are able to accept it.
Again I am so sorry. Sincerely,BLB
Jane & MPP, I owe you both an apology as well. I am sorry. I never meant to sabotage your wonderful blog. Please forgive me.
Please tell cfg, I would never leave her hanging!
Thanks, BLB
To all the others that I have may anonymously attacked, I apologize.
MPP< Iam sorry for the double post. I do not know how to remove it. Could you or Jane pls do so for me. Thanks!
BLB
I can tell that was a wonderfully heartfelt apology. I really hope you decide to stay, we would really love having you be a part of this blog.
Thank you, BLB.
Great to hear from you BLB. In my opinion, you are being way too hard on yourself. But it is very kind of you to offer an apology. I don't think (and I am sure jane and mpp will agree) that you "sabotaged" the blog. Come on! You're a great poster!
Please keep posting! I luurrve you!!! xoxoxoxo
Girl! I know that must've been hard for you. I am blown away, I don't know that I could've done that, so kudos to you.
I really think you're cool, blb, and hope you stick it out, okay?
BLB,
Welcome back! Please stay.
What a nice gesture...and I definitley felt much sincerity in what you wrote. We all make mistakes, and all we can do sometimes is apologize and show through our actions that we sincerely mean the apology. After that, it is out of our hands.
I hope everybody here will accept this gracious gesture for what it is and move forward gracefully.
You know, we never know what pushes somebody's buttons, or what they might be going through at any given time...especially on a blog. When all of you were young and in grade school...was there ever a child at school that acted out and didn't seem to know how to deal with the other kids...and so nobody wanted to be his friend? And because he was frustrated, he did things that made it even harder for him to fit in? And so he was basically alone, shunned and frinedless. And then somewhere down the line you find out that his dad walked out on his mom and never looked back, or they were barely surviving financially, or his mom is now on her last legs with cancer (or some other tragic situation), and he only acted that way because he was desperate, frightened and alone? I can think of a few of those. I think there are very few, if any, people who are just so truly evil and nasty that they enjoy being ugly to people and cast on the outside. Ususally that comes from hurt or fear.
When somebody is a big enough person to apologize and say, "I want to be your friend. Will you please include me?" we ought to be overjoyed and welcome them.
For future reference BLB, or anyone else that needs to send us a private message - you can use Meebo, the blue box on the right side of the Blog.
Type your message where it says, "type here", then hit "Enter" on your keyboard.
Thanks! :)
Very Cool.
BLB
I'm so glad you made your way back!
I really hope you're going to stay awhile now!
I'm here for you, ok? :)
Thanks for not leaving me hanging, lol.
Wow BLB, that's a very big step for you to take and I appreciate the sincere apology. We can certainly agree to disagree (I'm pretty good at disagreeing!) And I'm glad you didn't stay away or feel you had to abandon your chosen name. I also don't think you sabotaged the site, cyber-brawls seem to happen everywhere and then people move on.
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