Wednesday

Nanny upset over invasion of privacy

Received Wednesday, July 2, 2008 - Perspective & Opinion
Live in nanny question. I am a live in nanny who ocassionally spends the night with my boyfriend at his apartment. The family has no problem with this as I have always been home on time in the morning. This morning I came home and entered my room and my bosses were in there. They left my mail on my dresser. I feel completely violated. Normally they leave my mail on the computer desk outside of my room. This time they entered my room. I am a private person and when I took the position as a live-in I explained that if I did live in I needed complete privacy. No-I am not hiding anything , I just feel that they invaded my space. I understand it is their apartment but I still feel it was disrespectful. What are your takes on this?? My boyfriend says I am overreacting and to not make an issue out of it but I am still pretty upset.
Should I say something to them??

22 comments:

UmassSlytherin said...

I would say, "I prefer that you leave my mail outside my room." I don't think you are out of line. I don't think they would expect you to go into their room, would they?

I think in a nanny/employer relationship, alot of people get hung up on the nanny keeping confidences of the family. What alot of people seem to forget is that the employer also becomes privy to a great deal of personal information regarding the nanny, and they should respect the nanny in the same way they wish to be respected.

I don't think you are out of line at all. Just my two cents. Good luck.

emily said...

You should definitely say something to them, but not while you're still very upset. The only way they will know how you feel is if you communicate with them.

I've worked at two different Live-in positions, and I have to tell you, in both of them I had very little expectation of privacy. The parents entered my room when they needed to--at my present position, my room (which has huge closets) is used as storage space for the family's off season clothes.

It's possible that you'll be able to work out an agreement with your employers that they never enter your room, but you might also want to consider if living in is really the right arrangement for you.

Anonymous said...

If you pay rent, you have a right to say something. If not, go back to work and if it happens again, ask them to lv your mail on the table.

Sarah and Mitch said...

There are 2 things I can think of:

1) Be direct: Wait a couple of days until your emotion has passed a little bit, and calmly just ask if they can put your mail on your desk. Bring up the privacy thing again, and just say that you appreciate them thinking of you enough to put your mail in your room, but you felt uncomfortable that someone else was in your own little space.

2) Be indirect: Go buy a mail organizer/inbox of sorts, and just let them know that if you don't get to the mail first, they can leave yours there so you don't accidentally misorganize your mail.


I recommend being direct and sincere, but either way, you should definitely say something about it. I know you don't want to be in an umcomfortable environment, but can't imagine why they would want you to either. Telling them is only fair... wouldn't you want them to tell you if there was an issue?

Swiss Nanny said...

The same thing happens with my family! The little girl will say, oh my mom need to get ____ out of your room. Or, the other morning, I found them waiting in my room 20 minutes before I start work. I feel it is an invasion of privacy as well. I havent said anything about it though, yet. I am very close to doing so, though.

kathleencares said...

It's a big deal if it's a big deal to you. It probably wouldn't bother me personally, unless they were rummaging through my stuff or something, but you should definitely talk to them about it if you feel they crossed the line. Otherwise, you will continue to resent them and eventually you may blow up if they do it again. Just let them know how you feel once you are not so upset about it - you don't want to come across defensive. Just remind them that you mentioned privacy was important to you when you took the job and that is still very much the case. Good luck!

Janet English said...

They likely just meant well.

I think the above idea about a mail organizer would be perfect!

Make sure you thank them for thinking about you though.

erics mom said...

Too bad you couldn't get a lock on your door. Can you a p.o. box?

ATL Nanny said...

If it bothers you, I would just ask them politely to leave the mail on the table outside your room. I would make sure to thank them for bringing you your mail and emphasize that you know they weren't snooping, but that it would make you more comfortable if they didn't enter your room without your permission.

Anonymous said...

I would let them know that you would appreciate it if they would just leave it where they normally do, because you wouldn't want them to see your "messy room" or something like that. Make it about you and not about them invading your privacy.

Anonymous said...

What makes me wonder is that you said in the past they've always left it somewhere else. So why start putting it in your room now?

If it bothers you, just ask them to continue leaving it where they had before, or go with the mail organizer idea that someone else mentioned.

LarchMommy said...

I do find the statement "I explained that if I did live in I needed complete privacy".... who says this at an interview? Maybe you thought it, but be honest, you most certainly did not say it.

LarchMommy said...

I had forgotten the word "suspect"—it was supposed to read:

I do find the statement "I explained that if I did live in I needed complete privacy" suspect.

Anonymous said...

Privacy is very important when you live in. I do not think there is anything wrong with that. I think it is important to establish what you want as a nanny in the interview. I have heard horror stories.When I used to live in my rules were that the children were not allowed to come into my room. They had to knock or wait until I came out. As far as the parents were concerned they knew never to go into my room.

I think why they have started going into your room is much more an issue here. If they never have and suddenly are. Somethings up!

You need to bring this up in a meeting and bring it to their attention politely and diplomatically. people do not want to be told what to do in their own hones but, if you have a good relationship with them it may of just been a kind thought and they were not thinking. It maybe nothing.

Maybe you are over living in? If this has upset you.
Maybe they are over you living in! The sneaky in your room tricks spell out a rat. So if you like them and all is well nip it in the bud asap and do not dwell on it. Communication is the key and living in is tricky.

mpp said...

1:24
I have to say, I kind of agree with 1:24. Something is going on. Either they've been sneaking in all along, and you just never knew (quite possible) ..... or, this is something new and they are going into your room to validate in their mind something they think is going on with you.
I can't imagine what it would be, but if this is out of character, and then all of a sudden they are spying, they must be worried about something enough to want to do a little checking.

Maybe a neighbor, friend or relative said something that sparked their interest?

Anonymous said...

Larchmommy this is the OP here, I would not lie about anything in my post and I dont appreciate you insinuating that I AM lying. When I interviewed for the position it was live out but then they asked me to live in. I told them that if I did live in I needed complete privacy. That is what happened and I dont care if you believe me or not!

UmassSlytherin said...

Larchmommy, I agree with OP: there is nothing wrong with what she said, why would you disbelieve that someone would say this? I would have said the same thing.

And I'm quite brilliant, incidentally.

Sheena said...

You should be able to ask them to leave the mail in a particular place without drama. Privacy is definitely important for a live-in nanny!

Anonymous said...

OP here-thank you umass:) You made my day for defending me. I would have no reason to lie about anything on an online blog when I am seeking advice--its just so absurd. Thank you everyone for your advice -most of it was super helpful. I said something to them yesterday and I let them know I was a little upset . They apologized and said they left it there because the cleaning lady was coming early and they didnt know if Id be home before she got there. So it all worked out! Thanks again everyone!

Anonymous said...

This happined to me to!! I live in and my Boss is always going inside my room!! Ando not just that! someone sleeps in my bed!! touch my things and change places of my stuff!!! I never sayed anything, because I think I do not have the right to, since is their house! and now it stops anyway! But now I am on 2 weeks vacations, let's see when I come back!!!

Anonymous said...

Leave a dirty sanitary pad in your bed. Maybe, that will teach them not to sleep in your bed. I would hate that! Who knows what they are doing on your mattress.

mpp said...

::shudders::
I hope you at least changed the sheets, 12:14.