Received Monday, August 4, 2008:
My boss told me this morning that she is almost three months pregnant! This explains so much.
I won't say more because I can't reveal any confidences, but lets say it came as a big shock to both parents. Though they are happy, Mom has decided to make a career ending decision. She was working from home so she could maintain connections to her field and still be a part of the children's life and she has decided to shelve it ALL for now. The family is even downsizing into a smaller house. She's still eating quite a bit more than I'm used to seeing her eat, but not around the children. I never said anything, just waited and watched. I did appreciate everyone's comments. Thanks. And in case you are wondering, she does want me to stay on part time and live in. This has turned to be a big advantage to me because I intend to go back to school.
Received Tuesday, July 29, 2008.
|ISYN - Perspective & Opinion|
I have a problem that I never expected to have. I don't know how to deal with it. First, let me say, I work for a very wonderful family. They are generous, treat me as one of their own and are respectful of my time and contribution to the family. I have been with them for three years and I live in. My boss, the "Mrs" and I get along well, so much so that we will go out for coffee or shopping when I am or am not working, whenever it comes up.
I really love this woman alot, but here is the problem. She works from home and just had her second child *not too long ago*. She is a doting mother, when she is able to join us on an outing or in an activity, she makes it more fun, she doesn't mind getting dirty, she has a deep, real laugh and is a really good person. Here comes the but... But, since she had the second child, I have noticed some changes in her behavior. One has to do with her diet. When I started working here, I started when their first child was 2. I brought my own nutritional ideas to the table and this was more than embraced by both the mr. and the mrs. My basic ideas are to eat healthy, unprocessed food whenever possible, no soda, no white bread, no fast food. Do they have candy? Yes, but we don't make an issue out of it. A good snack for the child is an oreo and an orange, an orange or two oreos. And they know that. They know that two oreos are a serving size. I guess my point is whatever the rules are, the children know them. We push fruit, water, vegetables. Lowfat milk is an option but if they don't want milk, they never have to drink it.
So about 2 weeks after she had the baby, she went on the Zone. This is a diet where they deliver your meals to you every day. Every morning, you get your breakfast, lunch and dinner as well as snacks packed up and left for you on your doorstep. She was on the zone and started working out and things were fine.
About three weeks after that, the zone meals would just sit in the refrigerator or be dumped out and I noticed that the mrs was eating a lot of junk. This is her business, I realize. The problem is she would grab a carton of milk (now whole milk) and plop down at the table with a cup and a bag of nutter butters. She would eat rows of them. This is an example. Because it is summer, the children are around and they would sit on her lap or she would talk to them and soon they would be sitting and eating nutter butters..or oreos...or kettle korn....or dibs...or nacho cheese doritos.
I thought perhaps this was a hormonal pms, post pg, so I said little. When she wasn't around, I would remind the children about the vegetables that were cut up and try to be a good example myself.
At night, when the Mr comes home, the two of them have dinner together in the summer. I am usually at the club with the children or playing outside or whatever... But they usually have dinner by the pool every night and take a swim together. I noticed, without being nosy, that the Mrs. would bring her zone meal and pretend to pick at it and complain that it didn't taste good or that it was just too much food.
I have a special shelf in the house that I keep my junk on. Out of site of the children. I am not a health nut, I do understand...
She has been taking the children out to run errands with her, short errands, often food related. They come back swilling sunny delight, HI-C, Coke (yes coke). Little Debbie Snack cake wrappers litter her once immaculate car. It is now okay to have waffles with whip cream and strawberries for lunch. Peanut butter and honey sandwiches on white bread.
It isn't my house, I get that. I get they aren't my children. I know where I stand as an employee, but this woman is also a friend and I am concerned about her behavior. This is a woman who wore tank tops all the time because her shoulders, arms and neck are/were really the picture of perfection. She took pride in that.
It is summer and hot and so humid and she wears her pregnancy jeans and sweatshirts on most days. Some days, she gets up in the morning, takes a shower and puts on a clean pair of pajama loungewear.
You see, the food and body thing is the only sign I see. I was here after she had her second and she got back in to shape within 8 weeks.
But the food thing isn't just about her. That is why I think it is some sort of depression. This is a woman who is so careful about what she does and says in front of the children. The parents won't even turn on the news in front of the children. She is a really, really good mother and the fact that she is eating like this with her children is so unlike her. This is a woman who never had a special shelf of snack food not suitable for children because she wanted her children to just have normal relationships with food. For example, when they want ice cream, she will say, "yes, let's walk to town". And they get their ice cream.
So like I said, I know as an employee, I should MYOB. But since I have been here for a long time and as a live in, our relationship is a friendship too. It is two seperate relationships. As a friend, I want to ask her if everything is okay. But I fear she could react badly and take her frustrations out on me, the employee.
Does this make sense?
This is a woman I care a great deal about and something is wrong. I don't know what to do. And going to the husband would not be an option. I am not close with him like I am with her and doing anything like that would be betraying the many confidences she has in me.
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