tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post7408036249074229295..comments2024-03-19T03:27:24.068-04:00Comments on I SAW YOUR NANNY: Nanny concerned about Mom's change in DietLeigh Raymerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18210572527823459842noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-10827830783481125582008-08-05T11:29:00.000-04:002008-08-05T11:29:00.000-04:00Oh thank goodness!! Congratulations to her and als...Oh thank goodness!! <BR/>Congratulations to her and also to you!!<BR/>A new baby is wonderful and exciting.<BR/>I'm glad it eventually worked out for the best.<BR/>Good luck to all involved!!<BR/><BR/>V.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-22934447331708475912008-08-05T07:31:00.000-04:002008-08-05T07:31:00.000-04:00That's so great! I'm glad it's turnin...That's so great! I'm glad it's turning out as a plus for you as well because you're obviously a caring nanny & friend to this family.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01768197553012871999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-90943353186651449582008-08-04T23:16:00.000-04:002008-08-04T23:16:00.000-04:00WOW! OP, what a pleasant thing to find out! I am g...WOW! OP, what a pleasant thing to find out! I am glad there's not a problem, and it sounds like your future plans will mesh nicely with this faliy's plans!<BR/><BR/>Congrats to you all. ☺chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08036917167478045508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-40660959318293396932008-08-04T17:18:00.000-04:002008-08-04T17:18:00.000-04:00do all your best to keep the kids eating healthy w...do all your best to keep the kids eating healthy while you're with them, maybe mention it to her in a gentle nice way, because it may be postpartum depression.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-29316453920237353472008-07-31T15:33:00.000-04:002008-07-31T15:33:00.000-04:00If you and she are friends, you should talk to her...If you and she are friends, you should talk to her. Be gentle and just let her know you are concerned about her. I'm sure she will appreciate it. But, if she gets defensive, I guess you have to drop it.kathleencareshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11539584061260694517noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-33052271449317958162008-07-31T11:21:00.000-04:002008-07-31T11:21:00.000-04:00I think postpartum depression.(Once again) my sugg...I think postpartum depression.<BR/><BR/>(Once again) my suggestion mirrors cfg's. So..."What she said."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-26203724254580867982008-07-30T15:32:00.000-04:002008-07-30T15:32:00.000-04:00I think your best bet would be to approach this as...I think your best bet would be to approach this as a discussion in which YOU share how caring for 2 kids instead of 1 has affected YOU, and tell her how other moms you've worked for have dealt with the extra work. Then ask her what she's found most challenging.<BR/><BR/>If she is depressed/has ppd, it might help her to know she is not the ONLY mom who has struggled a bit when baby #2 arrives. <BR/><BR/>I think as far as HER food she habits go, you should keep quiet, UNLESS she asks you for your thoughts. In your place, I would just keep offering healthy food to the kids, and know that it all balances out eventually.<BR/><BR/>Good luck!chickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08036917167478045508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-17665363670769786612008-07-30T13:36:00.000-04:002008-07-30T13:36:00.000-04:00Speaking from experience, it sounds like she's dep...Speaking from experience, it sounds like she's depressed.<BR/><BR/>When I get depressed I can't cook. I buy frozen meals, McDonalds, whatever. Sometimes I can't even eat.<BR/><BR/>She likely is very aware of what is going on. <BR/><BR/>Bringing this up with her could be really tricky. I see two things happening: she could be angry at you for prying OR she could be grateful you've taken notice and appreciates your care on concern.<BR/><BR/>If you decide to bring it up with her I really hope it's the latter reaction.<BR/><BR/>Good luck to you.Chillin' in Utahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15884529840756468843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-43180413251714052852008-07-30T10:21:00.000-04:002008-07-30T10:21:00.000-04:00It is a possibility that she has post partum depre...It is a possibility that she has post partum depression. It sounds like she is not quite "herself" compared to how she was before the baby was born. If you are close with her, I would approach her as a friend and see how she is feeling. Don't bring up food, I really honestly believe that is a symptom, not a cause, if anything is in fact wrong with her right now. If you are concerned about the kids' sugar levels when they are with you, mention that you have noticed they have been unusually rambunctious and you notice it after they have really sugary snacks or sodas. You can ask if she would be ok with going back to the healthier alternatives that you guys were doing before, because that worked so well for everyone. If you are just concerned about their change in diet, and it isn't affecting their behavior while with you, then unfortunately you just have to deal with it: if the parents want to give their kids junk food and soda, that is really their decision. I went through this with another family, and nothing I could say or do changed it. <BR/><BR/>Good luck!Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15815542349245090209noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-50624649532131900442008-07-30T09:14:00.000-04:002008-07-30T09:14:00.000-04:00Thanks to Jessica and all of the smart people who ...Thanks to Jessica and all of the smart people who read with comprehension and replied using intellect. <BR/><BR/>She very clearly said that as a nanny, she wouldn't do anything. So why are you bothering to respond to her as a nanny?<BR/><BR/>I had a live-in nannies all the while my children were under 15. (In case you wonder, the driving, the driving). One nanny in particular and only one became more than a friend, she was like family. She was "like" a sister and a friend rolled in to one. I still talk to her every single day and my youngest child in 20 years old.<BR/><BR/>I suggest that you watch and wait. Wait for that window. If you spend enough time with her, there will come a window. And she might be mad that you bring it up. If she is a good person, she will get over the anger and realize your concern is for her.<BR/><BR/>Good luck.<BR/>PS I have never posted on this blog before, but your post inspired me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-59695932949686388782008-07-30T01:39:00.000-04:002008-07-30T01:39:00.000-04:00maybe the op should allow a time frame to watch th...maybe the op should allow a time frame to watch the situation before proceeding further. it might resolve itself - -Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-51519805745046170742008-07-30T01:37:00.000-04:002008-07-30T01:37:00.000-04:00I don't know what it is to be a nanny but I do kno...I don't know what it is to be a nanny but I do know what it is to be a friend. If she is suffering from PPD it's fairly straightforward to treat.<BR/><BR/>I can't advise you from the nanny aspect but good friendships are worth the risk.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-28901945738377810232008-07-30T01:25:00.000-04:002008-07-30T01:25:00.000-04:00Are the children in danger? NoThen I say you shoul...Are the children in danger? No<BR/>Then I say you should mind your business. I would find it incredibly insulting if someone I hired in my home confronts me about something that she would not have known had she not been living there.<BR/><BR/>I insist that the kids that I take care of not be given junk as meals,and the parents comply. If and when they decide that my expertise is not needed I have one of two choices; leave, or accept that while junk is not the way to go, it clearly will not kill the children, unless of course they already have an obesity problem.<BR/><BR/>You can only control what happens when you are actually feeding them, every other time is the parents business; as for what the mother is doing...how can I say this in a nice way...hmm, mind your darned business! Pardon me if that was a little, um, harsh.mhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12893926009319533804noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-12223300014900272792008-07-30T01:01:00.000-04:002008-07-30T01:01:00.000-04:00I wouldn't tell her you have noticed what she is e...I wouldn't tell her you have noticed what she is eating but maybe tell her you have seen changes in the kids (if you have) from the increase in sugar. Or, like the above commenters, say you notice she isn't acting like herself and ask if there is anything you can do.<BR/><BR/>Speaking from experience with depression, when people would ask how I was, I would say "Fine!" and managed to have people fooled, even though my behavior was odd, they believed what I said. If someone would have asked what they could do, I probably would have broken down in tears and confessed it all. <BR/><BR/>I feel so sorry for this woman. It does sound like PPD and hopefully, with your support, she can get some help. <BR/><BR/>But, it is possible she is just saying "screw it" with her weight right now. Sometimes that happens. Maybe things are rocky in the marriage, maybe hubby is having an affair, so she doesn't care about her appearance anymore. I don't know, I'm just throwing out some suggestions.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-66852871145432269262008-07-29T22:46:00.000-04:002008-07-29T22:46:00.000-04:00Fisherman's wifeTrue, but it's so much better. And...Fisherman's wife<BR/>True, but it's so much better. And I believe Andrea Yates was the stepping stone to it. I did some research and had an article I wrote about her published. I think that's when the Medical Community really started to take a long look at PPD, and make changes.<BR/><BR/>OP said she wasn't close with the husband, and going to him was not an option. I don't think she'd feel comfortable going to him, although it'd be the right thing to do.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-5068841979436217572008-07-29T22:29:00.000-04:002008-07-29T22:29:00.000-04:00cfg- You'd be surprised at how many OBs DON'T ask ...cfg- You'd be surprised at how many OBs DON'T ask about postpartum depression. You would be amazed at how many women go for months with undiagnosed PPD. PPD is much more common than people think and, undiagnosed, can lead to postpartum psychosis (Think: Andrea Yates).<BR/><BR/>OP, have you discussed your concerns with her husband? I think that he might be the best person to turn to for advice in this situation. Also, I would mention to your boss that you are there for her, if she ever needs to talk. For some women, having someone to turn to is enough to get them out of their "funk."Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-43861867420787858552008-07-29T21:30:00.000-04:002008-07-29T21:30:00.000-04:00You might want to casually mention to your boss th...You might want to casually mention to your boss that you've noticed the children have been eating a lot of junk food lately. Do not mention anything about your boss's new diet. That way, she will not feel directly attacked and she will also become aware (hopefully) that her own issues with food are adversely affecting her children.<BR/><BR/>Since your boss is lying to her husband about this, that signifies to me that she has an eating disorder. Eating habits and weight are very touchy and personal subjects. I had to approach a friend with anorexia and she did not react kindly to a direct confrontation. Perhaps, by stressing that the children are also suffering the consequences of her new eating habits, your boss will realize how bad the situation has become. The biggest thing, though, is that SHE must realize that this is a problem and she will probably be in denial at first.<BR/><BR/>This is a very tricky situation to be in... good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-31357324641863184812008-07-29T21:25:00.000-04:002008-07-29T21:25:00.000-04:00Umass, excellent point - and you're 100% right. Th...Umass, excellent point - and you're 100% right. They DO ask now, because they know more about it, and after asking the mom questions they can refer her for help if necessary.<BR/>Thank you so much for bringing that up.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-89855954602898713942008-07-29T21:21:00.000-04:002008-07-29T21:21:00.000-04:00yaya,I don't think that is a good idea. I don't th...yaya,<BR/><BR/>I don't think that is a good idea. I don't think a doctor would listen to some anon caller regarding his patients. Furthermore, I don't know about you, but when I was pregnant, they always asked me about that stuff. It's standard for your OB to speak to you about your feelings and to offer you support in case you do seem to have it. It would be different if her husband or close family member called. But I don't think that's a good idea.UmassSlytherinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15647516080217006351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-50074893635054035122008-07-29T21:15:00.000-04:002008-07-29T21:15:00.000-04:00Sounds like post-pardum depression. She needs help...Sounds like post-pardum depression. She needs help. I guess, if it were me, and this will sound odd to some, I would call her dr. 'anonymously' and voice your concerns. Dr can then, at her next scheduled post-baby appt get the post-pardum care that she needs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-4461301322705402782008-07-29T21:08:00.000-04:002008-07-29T21:08:00.000-04:00formernanny,you bring up an excellent point: that ...formernanny,<BR/>you bring up an excellent point: that sort of depression sometimes can occur with one pregnancy but not another. <BR/><BR/>I hope the mom in this post is not experiencing that. From what I have learned about it, it is such a difficult thing to go through.UmassSlytherinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15647516080217006351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-48480638336171546962008-07-29T21:03:00.000-04:002008-07-29T21:03:00.000-04:00i would think about post partum depression. not s...i would think about post partum depression. not sure how to approach her but that may be what is going on even if she did not experience it with her other pregnancies.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-69695319561095547902008-07-29T18:53:00.000-04:002008-07-29T18:53:00.000-04:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-55886985748387283072008-07-29T18:17:00.000-04:002008-07-29T18:17:00.000-04:00Chewey, this is a sensitive subject, even for bes...Chewey, this is a sensitive subject, even for best friends. I don't think any of the above commentors are (or think the OP is a) "slovenly domestics being ridden by rich white b***hes". They're giving her advice she can think about, and I think bringing up the fact that this is a touchy area for any kind of relationship is important for the OP to hear.<BR/><BR/>OP, perhaps you can take a more active leading-by-example role. Do you cook for the family? If not you could at least make more of an effort to put out good, healthy, yummy snacks for everyone, mom included.<BR/><BR/>I also think Rebecca had a great idea about just addressing the blue state your boss is in. She may be looking for an open door so she can talk about how she's feeling.Emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01768197553012871999noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32916951.post-70638516509203660942008-07-29T18:16:00.000-04:002008-07-29T18:16:00.000-04:00Chewey-I am entitled to my opinion as are you. Not...Chewey-I am entitled to my opinion as are you. Nothing "is wrong with me" this is just my opinion. She doesn't have to listen to my advice or follow it. I have been a nanny for 10 years now and as much as I would like to think that I have formed "friendships" with the family , in the end I am their employee. It is a sticky situation and I know that me, personally, wouldn't feel comfortable butting into my bosses personal eating habits. But like I said, this is just me and my opinion. Again-good luck OP!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com