Received Sunday, June 15, 2008 - Perspective & Opinion
Dear Parents,
I have a problem I have been wrestling with and am trying to settle upon the most proper of resolutions. Our nanny has demonstrated what I feel is a lack of respect for our possessions. My wife, on the other hand seem to find favor to excuse what I feel is unforgivable. Case in point, in February of this year, our nanny took our child out on a walking excursion and returned home sans the child's favorite blanket. The blanket was quite identifiable, as it was an Amber Hagen cashmere blanket in a black and yellow smiley face print. Because my son had grown attached to it, we had to attempt to find it. Failing that, I was forced to find the blanket which was a gift and order it online and rush delivery to our home. My son had fitful nights trying to fall asleep without the blanket before we received the second, (at a cost of about $180). I let that go, as the nanny was relatively new and anyone can lose something once.
In April, our nanny took our son to the park to play during one of the shockingly warm days. She had him dressed in regular clothes and packed a bag for him with shorts and sandals to play in at the park. That I can understand. What I cannot understand is why she took his jacket and then returned home without it. The day was easily 74 degrees. The jacket was an orange Catimini, fur trimmed parka. Winter wasn't over, but fortunately he had other jackets to wear.
Last month, the nanny took our child with her to run errands. They left with her on foot and him in his stroller. She returned, having lost the entire diaper bag and all of it's contents. The diaper was a yellow printed Fleurville, (cost about $150) and contained diapers, a spare house key (!), baby wipes, bottles, formula and a red sweatshirt. I asked her how she could have lost the entire diaper bag and she said, "I think someone stole it". Had she not demonstrated a propensity for losing things, I might have believed this. She wasn't all together apologetic, either nor was she cooperative with me as I tried to retrace her steps. I was very concerned about locating the diaper bag as it did contain, as mentioned, a copy of our house key.
Yesterday, my wife and I are packing the car up to drive to New Jersey to visit friends and I can't locate our child's favorite stuffed animal. I confront my wife who admits the nanny misplaced it and couldn't find it before she left on Friday, but promised to find it on Monday. I conduct a thorough search of every nook and cranny of the house. I turn up nothing. The missing item is a stuffed purple plush elephant with black eyes and pastel polka dots on his paws and ears.
These things that I have been able to notice she has lost, I have only noticed because they are key to the child's daily life. I cannot help wonder what else has been lost? We have no other problems with the nanny. She isn't by any means exemplary, but how can I continue to tolerate this disrespect for our child's property? Our child carries that animal with him most places. He hasn't had it all weekend. This hasn't been pleasant.
Has any other family dealt with this before? Can you recommend some stiff words that will cause the nanny to comprehend that this cannot continue? We have one child. Our nanny does not do any housework except for returning the house in the condition we have left it for her. Our home is not a chaotic environment. I am at a loss as to how to proceed, but my wife's "don't say anything and buy another one" policy isn't helping the situation, but enabling it.
And you say?
Update:
Thursday, June 19, 2008 8:01 AM
Yesterday, we terminated our nanny. This was not preplanned. A situation arose following what appeared to be another lost object. When asked about the object, the nanny responded by screaming at my wife and accusing her of calling her a thief. As it turned out, this item was not missing and during the altercation with my wife, the nanny located it. Upon locating the item, the nanny hurled it across the room in combination whilst screaming unfair accusations at my wife. Neither of us, had at any time accused her of stealing the items and her response was completely inappropriate given the situation. Although I was not present, I was called home so that we could in unison and without further conflict, terminate her services. I will inform you that I did pay her through the end of the week, which in terms of any severance was agreeably meager, but with due consideration to what had just transpired, neither my wife, nor I were feeling particularly generous. Thank you to all of you who chose to respond.
136 comments:
I am a nanny myself and am amazed that she managed to lose that much stuff. Some of it makes me wonder if maybe she is stealing rather than losing...the expensive stuff in particular...
However, certain "personal" items of your child's such as the favorite stuffed animal would really have no value to your nanny, so that makes me question that she is stealing the stuff.
I do think it's odd that so much has been lost. Things such as a diaper bag are big and would be hard to misplace or just lose. It's not like she's losing small things, they are all pretty big and noticeable things.
It also makes me wonder how she is with your child if she is so easily misplacing all these things. Is she absent-minded? Is she not paying attention? Is she forgetful? All of these things can point to a deeper issue- the care of your child. I'm not going to say for sure that there is a need for concern, but you may want to pay special attention to that.
There really is no "good" way to confront her about it. I think your best bet is to just tell her that you've noticed over the months that things are getting lost and that they are things that are important to your child. You can also inform her that it is expensive to replace many of these items, and ask her to pay more attention when she is out.
Have you mentioned it to her before, or just always let it slide and replaced the items? If this will be the first time bringing it up to her, hopefully, it will be an eye-opener for her and she will realize that her "mistakes" are not going unnoticed.
Does she a child in her life? She might be stealing it, losing all of that stuff is crazy.
I am a nanny and in 8 years, I haven't lost anything. I can understand losing one item but after all of these (expense) items it seems odd.
I agree with the above posters. Open your eyes shes stealing the items that she said she "lost".
And the stuff animal maybe it doesn't have value as the other items. But she could be giving it to her own child or a relative
I say, sweet Jesus, why are you dressing your toddler (?) in a fur lined parka? Maybe the kid buried it in the park because he was so damn ashamed of it.
Oh Ro, you never fail to make me giggle!
I wouldn't want to speculate if she is steeling these items or really losing them because I don't know her personally. I will say though I would be a bit worried having her tend to my child (if I had one). She sounds a bit scattered. I would worry about her alertness while out and about with a young child.
The nanny has lost 4 things in 6 months? And as they would be, they are things that she has to carry around often? It is less than desirable, but hardly scandalous.
Pre-children, I rarely lost anything; I was very organized. Now as the mother of two boys under two here is a list of things that have mysteriously disappeared from me: hats, jacket, shoes, sand shovel, a small fleet of toy cars and trucks, bibs, pajamas, chewing ring, bottles, bottle caps, stroller raincover, and my sanity.
She sounds a little scatterbrained...at best. I would be concerned about how careful she was with the child if she is really that dingy. At worst, she's a thief....which would be horrible on so many levels.
I'm at a loss as to why anyone would spend $180 on a baby blanket or $150 on a diaper bag?! These things get used hard and worn out. And I suppose if she had NOT brought your son's jacket and the weather had turned colder instead of warmer, you'd be huffing about how she tried to freeze him and is never properly prepared for such situations.
When babies carry blankets and animals, which they do with their favorite items, they tend to get dropped a lot. Don't buy expensive toys and you won't have to worry about the cost of losing them.
Okay,
First I am a nanny Brooklyn. I am very meticulous and organised. I know what I have every day, because I plan, plan, plan. I pack my own diaper bags, lunch everything. Whatever I take from the home I make sure to bring back with me.
At the end of the day or an outing before I leave, I check and double check to make sure again. Yes things can be lost or even misplaced or thrown overboard by the baby or even in the chaos of the moment we dont miss something until it is too late.
With this particular nanny I dont know. She could be stealing this stuff or she could just be plain dumb, as in not giving a hoot if its lost or not. Hey she must be saying, if they can afford to buy this expensive stuff for a baby, they sure can buy another one (Ofc ourse this is no excuse for doing this in the first place0)
I think this nanny is lazy and dosent care because if I had lost something once whether expensive or not, I would do my darndest the next time not to lose anything else, but that is just me.
Speak to her, after all its your money being spent and a lot of it. You decide what to buy for your child no one else expensive or not. But the nanny can and should respect your property while it is in her care in trying not to lose it or taking reasonably good care of it.
Speak to your nanny about your concerns with a warning should it happen again. I mean it has happened a couple of times even so.
As a nanny I prefer to have meetings every so once in a while when there are issues on either side. That always makes for a better working environment.
Good luck!
I agree with Cali mom about not buying such expensive items for a child. But I don't know what to think about all the missing items. When I was a toddler teacher, it was quite difficult to take care of the belongings of 8 children under 2 but as a nanny for 3 girls under 6, I simply limit the amount of items they bring with them when we go out. That way there isn't so much to lose.
The cost of loosing them is not the issue...its the fact of loosing them.
Who cares if someone wants to spend $18 or $180 on a blanket or a toy.
That doesn't really matter.
You could spend however you like because its your own money.
What matters is when you hire a nanny you expect her to be RESPONSIBLE with and FOR your child belongings when he/she is in her care.
Tell her the next time something goes missing she would have to pay for it from her salary.
And you will literally take the cost of the missing item out of her salary and pay her the difference.
She wouldn't be too happy but things would cease to go missing.
Its the sad reality.
If she's scatter brained she will shape up, if she is stealing she would stop.
This nanny needs a wake up call and to know that you MEAN BUSINESS op!!
Tell her that!!
V.
It's all relative. Just because YOU wouldn't spend 180 dollars on a blanket, doesn't mean someone else wouldn't. I'm assuming they have the means to spend it, so who cares? That goes back to the whole issue of bashing SAHM moms because they have gardeners, housekeepers, nannies etc...
Stop being so damn judgemental. For all you know, someone may think that 30 dollar pair of shoes you bought your kid was too expensive. Why not just go to the bargain bins at Kmart....
It's all moot.
OP, I'm not sure I agree with some of the others who suspect she may be stealing. I don't have enough information to even speculate. I also wonder if she has kids of her own...I understand your frustration. To me, it seems as though she has a total lack of regard for your (the family's) personal items. I was getting annoyed reading your post actually, haha. Losing something on the job once, maybe twice is excusable...but she's doing it in excess. I'd talk to her. You sound like a nice employer, so I'm sure you could figure out a gentle way to let her know that, at this point, the loss of anything else is inexcusable.
That is weird that she has managed to "lose" so much stuff. Though I am appalled that anyone (as a gift or for personal use) would spend $150 on a diaper bag (did you know there are people dying of hunger in your own country?), could that be part of the reason that things that are so expensive are turning up "missing"? Maybe she is selling the more expensive ones for cash. I would let her know
(give her a list) of all the things that have gone "missing" and let her know that if it happens again you will have to let her go. Losing something once or twice is acceptable, but not that many times!
I was not judging the person that bought the expensive items at all. I just know from experience that kids will lose things and you're probably better off buying less expensive items. I used to buy black stretch gloves by the 6 pack for my sons because they were losing their mittens all the time. People sure are quick to jump down other people's backs around here.
Judgmental Kaitlyn- isyn's village idiot,
Yes I know there are people starving in this country. I take comfort in the fact that as I am in one of the highest tax brackets; much,much,much of my hard earned money is going to feed the hungry. And then I go and buy whatever the hell I want to buy, because after all I live in America.
5:03, you're right and I apologize for jumping down your throat. I've just seen so much animosity on this site towards people who have money and can afford "nice things." I could understand if said people were BRAGGING...but they aren't...and OP didn't seem to be either. I myself find those purchases on the excessive and expensive side. But that's because I couldn't AFFORD a blanket for a child that costs $180. The same way a person who makes less than ME may not be able to afford the Honda CRV (middle of the line) I drive or the 50 dollar jeans (again, middle of the line)I wear. That's the only point I'm making. It's all relative. But again, I am sorry for jumping down your throat.
There's an easy way to fix this. Take the cost of the missing items out of her salary.
Trust me it wouldn't happen again!!
I am in two minds about this post: on the one hand,
I am not sure you have your priorities straight. Who cares about how much your diaper bag costs or that your kid wears a fur-trimmed parka (I loved Ro's comment btw)? If you have to worry about the cost of expensive gimmicks that your child could do very well without, you should probably not buy them in the first place. Please be aware that in most parts of the world children live without stuffed animals or favorite blankets (shocking, I know).
On the other hand, I think that you have every reason to be upset, because your nanny does not pay attention to a number of relatively minor details, which does call into question her ability to
care for your son. So I would have a talk with her, and I would definitely spy on her to get a sense of what is going on.
The cost of the items was completely relevant to the post. I don't give a rat's ass what some third word child goes to bed with. Not now, because now we are talking about this person's post. And in this country, many children do have special things they sleep with or drag around.
Tell nanny in the future, it is going to come out of her salary, but at the same time the money is only 10 percent of it. The children I have nannied for wouldn't trust me if I was losing their special things. Nanny needs to step it up. The only people I've ever known who lose things like that have been stoners.
first of all: Kaitlyn is the isyn villiage idiot? damn. I was sure I held that title. :( :)
I think that while those items do seem expensive, the money isn't the issue to me: the nanny should be more responsible with those things. Seems like quite a few things to lose.
That being said, I agree with Cali mom: babies and toddlers are constantly dropping things and losing things and they are very hard to find at the end of the day and easily misplaced. If a child has an over-abundance of "loveys" it can be hard on the caregiver to keep track of it all.
I once babysat for a child who had a million and one loveys (trains, binkies, blankies, books, toys) and if at the end of the time I babysat for the child mom couldn't locate every single lovey, she wouldn't stop looking until she found them and woe was me if she couldn't find the purple-spotted zebra beanie baby or the tiny red train. :(
But if you are displeased with this nanny, find a new one. Perhaps someone else will be more to your liking.
As I think it was a tad bit tacky to list the prices of items I agree with others that what you spend on your child is your business. I too cannot understand how the nanny seems to be "losing" these things that mean so much to your child. If the children in my care take out things that are special to them I am sure they come home with us because I know how hard it can be for everyone when special items are lost.
Explain to your nanny that this behavior is not acceptable no matter what your wife is telling you. She obviously has very little care for your child if she allows these special items to go missing knowing how important they are to the child.
Tell her that all special items must from now on stay at home during outings and if any other things are lost by her she will be expected to monetarily compensate for these items. The fact that she shows no concern or remorse for these acts pretty much tells a story. You have every right to be upset by such lack of care and you have the right to voice this to your nanny. Is your wife afraid of losing this person? Why would she not want to say something as well? There are exemplary nannies you just have to look.
I can see both sides here. As a nanny, I've managed to loose a few things in the three years I've been with my current family. All that stuff in six months just seems like a little much to me.
I once lost a favorite stuffed animal at the zoo and felt just horrible about it. I went back and searched for it, called the zoo every day for a week, and eventually went out and bought a new one myself. (Although the new one was never the same) This year I managed to loose a pair of my four year old's shoes. I still can't figure out how it happened. Somehow during the course of a day (school, park, playdate) They turned up missing. Luckily, my bosses weren't upset because that kind of thing dosen't happen very often. I think I've found anything else that I've lost. Toys or blankies have gone missing for a couple of days, but always turn up around the house.
On one hand I want to say "give the nanny a break" but a diaper bag? Who looses a whole diaper bag?
I am now wondering if the nanny may just be a nbit passive aggressive...purposely "losing" your things because she thinks you or oyur child are spoiled to have such nice things.
We have a family member (incredibly materialistic and very jealous type) who every time they came over after we moved into a house bigger than hers, something mysteriously ended up broken, missing, or there was a new odd stain on the carpet after they left. (Once it was a packet of dry Kool Aid poured on a white rug...which wasn't apparent immediately b/c dry kool aid is white...but the humidity had it start appearing within about a day. It took me forever to get it out...many cleanings. But it was funny seeing her puzzled expression when she came back and I could see her looking for what she apparently assumed would be a permanent stain, and there was none. Obviously she couldn't come out and ASK about it because it would have given her away.) Or she "accidentally" would use something "too hard" and it would "accidentally" break...and then she would laugh. Some people really do have a hard time seeing others with more...and apparently they think ridding their "competition" of the some of their posessions somehow evens the score.
Well first of all other than that do you guys love her? Does your child have a great time with her? Does she come to work on time? Does she call in sick all the time?
If your only problem is the stuff she's losing then I would sit down with her and have a talk about the missing items. You can even tell her that she must pay for the next thing she loses (within reason).
Would you still be so upset if the items were cheaper? I learned a long time ago that with kids things have a tendency to get lost and I won't spend a great deal on kids things because of that.
It is very easy to lose small things like sippy cups, sand toys, and mittens, and we all do.
What bothers me is the size of the items, a winter jacket, a blanket, a diaper bag! Also her lack of concern is strange. Most nannies are very upset when they lose something belonging to their charges.
I have a rule. No "loveys" such as blankets or animals that are needed for comfort/sleeping go out of the house, except for trips to the Dr., and then I make darn sure they make it home.
I agree with those who suggest this may be a red flag re the general quality of care your child is receiving.
A Nanny
Most people wouldn't want to steal a diaper bag. I did have a very nice Kate Spade diaper bag that was stolen from me at a cafe. Thieves aren't the brightest. There was nothing substantive in the diaper bag at all. A can of formula, a wet bathing suit in a plastic bag, a pacifier, a bottle, etc. Carrying a flashy diaper bag is enough to attract the wrong kind of attention from someone. I switched to a very basic diaper bag that could not be mistaken for a handbag or pocketbook.
I have heard, and I have no information to back this up- but I have heard that there was a nanny in Bay Ridge that was having her boyfriend trail a ways behind her for a bit and he was scooping up diaper bags, strollers and anything he could get his hands on and selling them at a flea market. I don't know if any of you are in Bay Ridge, but about 6 months ago, we had a rash of stroller thefts.
Maybe the nanny is teaching the child about loss? Let's just hope her next lesson isn't about grieving.
I think the cost of the items is much less of an issue than the fact this nanny is not keeping track of things very well. Is she losing stuff because she is uber focused on the child, or is she just scatty and unfocused in general?
Losing a diaper bag seems like a tough thing to do, but that loss isn't as important as the loss of a child's lovey. The apparent lack of concern about the lost lovey is troubling - I was/am never cavalier about misplacing essentials like that!
I would sit down with her and explain that you are concerned about the effect not having lovies at hand is going to have on your child. Ask her what she thinks she can do to better keep track of the things essential to your kid's sense of calm, and ask her how she thinks replacement of such things should be handled.
I wouldn't expect her to pay for replacement, but I would expect her to ACCOMPLISH the replacement herself. IOW, she does the footwork and expends the energy to get a new blanket/elephant/etc. next time, and does it on her off hours.
If she takes terrific care of your son, but she loses stuff, grin and bear it. If she takes adequate care of your son and loses stuff, consider replacing her with someone more organized and better with kids.
You know what, OP, yeah, I was being a little bit judgmental and I apologize for that. But the village idiot I am not. And if we're being straight with each other, being judgmental is just as bad as name calling, so if I'm the village idiot, so are you.
Don't bother replying, and if you feel the need to, go ahead and call me some more names, because too much of this website is negative and I will not be returning.
I wonder how long before she loses your kid.
You should totally beat this Nanny with a cane. A Sheld & Flickerstone eith gold trim and skin from the Burmese python wrapped around it ($280), or maybe with a belt, Coach, calfskin's leather with a platinum clasp ($284). Or luckily, you probably have something expensive and name branded (only the best for you and your children) that you could use instead. Fire this woman and hire another. Then kill yourself as you sound like a boorish jackass.
Kaitlyn - Put on your thick skin, please. You don't need to be going anywhere. You are allowed your opinion, whether someone likes it or not, O.k.?
OP
I'm not sure that even suggesting to her that she replace these items would make her be more diligent. But it's worth a shot.
I can't comprehend anyone being so careless that they would lose so many important items. And the cost doesn't matter. I will dress in rags if I have to .... I want my son to have the best. But maybe if she sees her pocketbook taking a hit, she will pay more attention.
I feel bad for your little boy. I hope he's o.k.
I find it troublesome that your Nanny isn't apologetic when these items come up missing. And although I don't know her, that does come off as suspicious.
If I were to ever lose anything that belonged to someone else, believe me, I would be begging forgiveness because I would feel just awful about it.
I think your nanny has lost way too many things which makes me think she is somewhat incompetent at the very least. At any rate, something is awry and I think you should tell her that you expect her to hang on to your family's possessions and that you don't expect to hear about or discover that anymore items are missing. I suppose you could deduct any further losses from her paycheck, but I think this is a red flag of a greater problem, I'm just not sure of what.
btw, Kaitlyn, if someone disagrees with you and expresses it, or even calls you a name, why would you even consider that a reason for leaving this blog? Truth be told, posters have suggest that I leave several times and I've been called more than a few names and look! I'm still here!! Just cannot bring myself to care about what anonymous cowardly posters think or say about me. Cheers!
kaitlyn, I agree with sprak: as I stated in an above post, if anyone deserves the title of villiage idiot, it's me! :) I have been called lots of names. It doesn't bother me, really.
Don't let people make you feel like you can't express yourself. We want you to stay! :)
that does seem like an awful lot of items to lose. i'd be concerned because the items were important to the child, not because of how much they cost. that being said, i would not be comfortable being responsible for such expensive items. i'm not a nanny, nor do i have one, but i occasionally baby-sit for friends, and if someone tried to leave their $180 baby blanket with me i'd say *hell, no.* we once lost our middle child's lovey blanket at disneyland. it was handmade and could not be replaced. it pained us (and him) greatly.
she probably stealing the stuff. losing that much things is crazy.
I'm a nanny who watches three kids, and they have some overpriced toys.
At first, I thought "sheesh, how can you lose all of that?! That nanny must not be very careful!" And then I remembered we left two tiny cars at the park last week. Shame on me.
But here's the one thing: the diaper bag. I mean, most diaper bags are pretty huge, it's hard to misplace them. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say she is more likely a dingbat, not a thief. I would still be worried about her blase attitude towards losing the items.
I would say, sit her down and explain that these losses can't keep happening. If she can't keep track of items, then they should be left at home. When I leave the house and the kids want to bring toys, or I want something to entertain the baby, I try and pick the cheapest toys. That way, if we lose it, it's a $1.99 loss.
Yikes. Clearly someone is quite worried about his possessions. (Who spends $150 on a DIAPER BAG? Does your child really need a CASHMERE baby blanket?)
Is your nanny good with your son? Is he attached to her? Does she truly provide an irreplacable service? Maybe start looking at her strengths rather than her weaknesses. And, you know, it doesn't mean you love your child less if you buy him something in a decent price range once in a while. If you don't want her losing a $200 blanket (good grief), by a cheapo one and keep the fancy-schmancy one at home.
And hey... work on those priorities, buddy.
How do you know what his priorities are based on what is spent on the child's things. I see above where one was a gift. The nanny should take care of the things. THE END.
Stop attacking the parents here.
You don't know anything about his life or what he does.
My husband is EXACTLY like your nanny. Whenever he takes the kids out he loses something (jackets, $20 sigg bottles, shoes, baseball mitts, whole diaper bags with their contents). I've yelled at him, told him to make sure he has XYZ when he is heading home. Nothing works. So here is what I do: I have 'dad' accessories (cheaper versions of everything) that I send him out with...like if he is going to take one of the boys out, I'll dress our son in a jacket from Target vs one from Janie and Jack. And I would never allow dh to leave the house with any keepsake type item. Your nanny has a man brain, plain and simple.
I can see losing a hat or a sock or toy. That yes, but how do you lose a diaper bag. When my son was younger, the diaper bag would either always be in the stroller or over my arm. I never lost that. Things I did lose were pacifiers and hats.
And this nanny is only watching one child, by the sound of it. If she was watching three or four kids I would say okay maybe. But one child, how hard is it to keep track???
Well maybe next she'll forget the kid somewhere! Seriously! How on earth are you so irresponsible that you forget such obvious and large items? She is either slow or smoking bud on the job- perhaps has a nasty oxy. habbit? Something isn't right. I'd find someone more worthy of caring for my child. Maybe shell out some of those big bucks to afford quality care? Hm? Ever think of that? :P
As AC said, an expensive diaper bag could conceivably get stolen if it was in good condition, or looked too much like a purse, briefcase or laptop bag. She may be a bit flaky, and you would not be unreasonable to have a talk with her about keeping better track of things or paying to replace them (if they are worth over $100, for instance), but again, if a baby is carrying around a toy or a blanket, the chances are better than good that the item WILL get dropped at some point and it's very easy to not notice it until too much time has passed to guess where it might have gone. I suppose if the stuffed animal really was some $150 boutiquey item, she *could* be stealing things, but most likely she is just being careless, and if she is very good in every other way, have a talk about it,, agree on a solution, and move on. If things still keep disappearing, you might want to start looking for a replacement who you feel is better.
i think you have a right to be concerned because that is a lot of stuff to lose. it's definitely possible she just forget them or lost them and it's also possible she gave them to someone with a baby. i would be worried now she has a spare key too. even as a nanny, i know that sounds mean but i would be worried. so you should just keep track of everything on paper and also remind her once to please not forget to bring the new things back home.
also, as a nanny, while i feel bad if i lose a pacifier or a sippy cup here and there, i have to agree with what some others have said. don't buy designer or expensive items for a child. no child needs a $180 blanket or any article of clothing over $25. seriously. children's things get used and worn out, and there is no need to waste money on these items.
there is a high likelihood she is stealing. either way, she is completely incompetent. a diaper bag? come on! please start looking for a new nanny, asap. and don't mind the haters about your metro-ness. i too like fine clothing and accessories for my dcs!
As your professional Nanny she should be paying more attention to her job. Keeping track of the child's possesions is an important apspect of her job and one that will only grow along with your child. As her employer, I would at once sit down with her and explain that she will lose her job if she cannot be fully responsible. Everyone has a bad day here and there, and everyone makes mistakes, but this is a pattern. Perhaps you could put your warning in writing so that she knows that this is a serious matter. Let her know that for the next three months she will be on probation, and more mistakes will result in her termination. Be very specfic with what you expect from her and what she needs to change. Remember, you employ a Nanny to make your life run more smoothly - and her actions are causing stress. As a full time Nanny, if I had made so many similar mistakes I would fully expect to be taken to task for it. And watch her reaction - a willingness to change, admit mistakes and stive to do better is a sign of a good employee and a good person. All employees should be striving to do their best and correct their mistakes, no matter what their profession. I'm sure you would not tolerate such behavior in an business environment.
california nanny here....someone made a good point about maybe the diaper bag looked like a laptop bag. That would certainly explain why it was stolen. I have a Pottery Barn big fuzzy bag my employer bought me and I never take it out of my car cause Im afraid someone make take it. I have lost alot of sippy cups and pacifiers in my 10 yrs of being a nanny, but the kids always get back home (whew). I too dont allow toys or blankeys to go with us to the park or where ever cause I want to focus on my kids not where are their toys. Every now and then a hot wheel car or a mini disney princess slips by me and guess what...they get lost in the wood chips at the park or left in my car when dropping off the kids. It does teach them real quick that maybe they shouldnt bring prized processions on outings.
I'm kind of shocked by some of the responses OP has received over the expensive items.
I know I wouldn't go out and pay $180.00 for a blanket, but I know one or two people that love my son enough that they might. You can't control what someone may have bought as a gift.
However, I would definately pay top dollar for clothes and shoes. But there is a very personal reason for doing so that I won't go into. It's my choice.
And if OP should want to buy expensive things for his child, why the big fuss?
It's his money, he earned it.
All I gotta say is, what a lucky child.
Your right Mpp.
Its shouldn't matter what the item cost that the child has. The person should be responsible not to "lose" it.
Those blankets are sooo soft. My SIL has one for the baby. Anyway that the OP has one for his child does not mean he is squandering the money He has made, why people like to tell others what to do with their hard earned cash is beyond me.
Anyway, If it is only the really nice and expemsive thigns that seem to get lost, I would either find another nanny or take inventory of my home lol
If she cannot remember to bring home his jacket, diaper bag, blanket and favorite stuffed toy then there is something not quite right. Would not this little kid be crying for his blanket or his toy even before he got home?
Now your house key is gone too? Change the locks and get rid of her now before you come home and find someone has robbed you or is in there waiting for you to come home to rob you! I certainly hope you did a good job checking this nanny out before you hired her.
Probably not. I am sure its an illegal alien working. No record on them. Hey what do you want for $6.00 per hour.
Oh wait you can hire Texas nanny.
My first thought is that she's selling the stuff....that, or she's just a scatter-brain. Either way, you probably don't want her in charge of your child.
3:50
Why would you say that? Txnanny was taken advantage of. Sometimes that happens to nice people.
3:50 you are a fucking bitch, I've been reading this site for a while and finally decided to start posting and what do you know I get attacked. Go screw yourself, I'm done.
TXNanny, I feel ya girl. I had just posted my own little tirade a couple weeks ago regarding the abundance of personal attacks I was receiving. (Coincidentally, since then, I haven't been attacked once.)
If it's any consolation, I think you seem like a really nice, competent person AND nanny. I'm not sure why someone would feel the need to attack you. I think certain anonymous posters just make their rounds, being nasty to someone new every week.
Ok. I am a nanny and have never lost one item before, so I really dont understand. Is she old or young? I dont get it but what I also don't get is your obsessiveness with the cost of the items! How pretentious and obnoxious. And your son couldn't sleep without a stuffed animal? Oh boo-hoo for you. That is a problem in itself that a child is reliant on something to sleep with. And that you went out to buy another $180 overpriced stuffed animal is ridiculous. With that being said I would give the nanny a warning and explain how irresponsible she has been . If she continues to "lose" things then I would give her the boot since maybe it will be your child she loses next.
You sound like a complete snob and nightmare to work for. Who pays that much for a stupid blanket? You could provide education, food, shelter, clean water health care and vaccines to a child in africa for 9 months for $180.hey I have pricey items too. But why pay that much for something that a child can't even appreciate at his age? Ridiculous. Hopefully you fur trimmed coat kid doesn't turn out to be the brat you are making him into with his tantrums and all.
That is very troubling that she's "losing" so many things. Does she seem absent-minded in other ways--meaning does she come to work on time? And remember to do other things that you ask of her? Do other things come up "missing" that are in your home--or just the stuff that she takes out of the house with your child?
I think you and your wife need to have an in-depth conversation about this and figure out why she's not as troubled by this as you are. Then, the two of you together need to weigh the situation and decide whether to keep the nanny.
If you keep the nanny, you and your wife need to sit down together and have a very direct discussion with her--letting her know that these items that are lost cost you a lot of money to replace. BUT...more importantly, these are important items to your child and causing quite a bit of emotional anguish for your child.
No child should have to have his/her things repeatedly lost by a so-called responsible adult--whether that item cost $1 or $100. To your child, the value is in the comfort he/she gets from that item.
I would also stress to your wife that giving the nanny the benefit of the doubt that she's forgetful may be putting your child in harms way. Someone who's forgetful with things could also be careless with your child.
ALSO...did this problem suddenly start occuring, or has it been going on for a while? I'm thinking, is there a good reason why she's suddenly forgetful? Does she have a lot on her mind because of a personal crisis? Is she suffering from a medical problem that's affecting her mind? These are all things that need to be found out and considered.
The bottom line is that I would listen to your intuition and your wife's intuition. What do you think is the most likely scenario? Is she trustworthy? Does she have all her mental faculties? Then, make a decision that you all can life with as a family.
I like txnanny. Don't go txnanny!
Janet, your comments were harsh. You said yourself that you have some expensive items. Who's to say that OP doesn't splurge FIRST on his child, and buy HIMSELF a few less expensive things? To each his own. I splurged on a soft, expensive blanket for my baby...and loved wrapping him in it an suggling with him. I would have been mad if somebody decided to drag it to the park...and left it. And I would have bought another one. Kids are little for such a short time...let the parents give him the moon if they want to and can. "Spoiling" comes from not teaching your child how to behave, how to appreciate, how to treat other people, etc....NOT from spending extra money on his blanket and shoes. (It just appears the other way sometimes, because some neglectful parents buy material items to MAKE UP for not spending the time to teach thier child the important lessons of life.) And...a lot of kids have a "security item." Crying for it when it goes missing does not constitute "spoiled brat" behavior.
I still think this nanny might have a problem with jealousy and be losing thses things accidentally on purpose. Picture the goldfish in the trash nanny. It's just a little weird to me that TWO major security items went missing. That's a pretty big coincidence if you ask me.
Wow, 9:45. I think you just about covered all the bases.
Excellent post!
Txnanny
You better not leave. You've been a reader long enough to know that everybody who jumps on board here has to take their lumps at one time or another. It's almost like some silly initiation.
Your opinion is just as valuable as the next and we don't want to lose you.
And Mom, eloquent as always!
awww, come on I was only kidding around! Why so serious? Just joking. People attack me too. And its okay I am sure I will get attacked now.
Mom
Looks like txnanny is the pick of the week this time.
Hopefully she'll be able to ride it out like most do.
All we can do is support her, everyone.
11:18
There's a slight difference, though. You're anonymous, and she's not. But thank you for posting back, most don't even do that much.
Texas nanny, don't go!!!
We want you to stay!
:)
I think we know enough about txnanny by now to realize she's up to the task of handling herself quite capably, and gracefully, against any unjust criticism.
If she is a good nanny (minus the losing stuff) and you really want to keep her, talk to her about it, tell her how important it is to you and let her know that as things are "lost" the money to buy the new item will be deducted from her pay. I think she will stop "losing" things after that.
I'm pretty anal about my possessions. And my friends. At bars, it's guaranteed I'll know where someone left her purse. It carries over when I have my charges things with me. I have broken things in my employers home, but I always offer to pay for them. I'm glad they've never taken me up on it, but the offering is important to me. So I'm a bit surprised that someone would show a complete lack of respect for others possessions, and not offer to help look for it, look harder, or replace it altogether.
As your wife seems to want to avoid conflict, you go ahead and talk to the nanny. If anything else is lost, she'll have to pay for it. Explain that you or relatives/friends pay a lot for those special items the kids loves, replacing them costs money, and if she isn't looking out for them...maybe she should just stay home with the kid.
TxNanny: I remember when I was attacked a few months ago on here about views I had regarding something. There are certain people I can't stand, and others, MPP, Mom, CaliMom, Eric's Mom, MPP, Jersey Jackie and you that I love!
Ummmm...let's see. When I worked in daycare, I had a class of 20 preschoolers and yes, stuff did get lost. I would put initals in their clothing on a tag and would ask parents if stuff belonged to their child. If it didn't, then it went to lost and found. On field trips, we had a "field trip pack" that contained necessary information and etc. When I nannied last summer, we took a sippy cup of water, books, diapers a snack, and my bag was big enough for me to hold the items. OP: You sound like a pompous jerk who brags too much and who cares too much about material things. $180 for a blanket? A fur lined parka? Hello, they are called keepsakes, and Gap, Target, Wal Mart, Gymboree, Place, Old Navy make great baby stuff that doesn't cost a fortune nor a headache worrying about what happened to it. Losing a nuk? OK. Losing a blanket? Not OK. Losing a diaper bag? Stupidity. Your nanny may have a propensity for losing things, and you have a propensity for hiring such an ignorant nanny. Good points made about losing your child. I'm a little tired today after driving endlessly through the country back from Milwaukee due to I-94 being shut down, so I'm kinda crabby today....*LOL* Love yas!
Buh.Bye JerseyJ, TXNanny and other thin-skinned crybabies. Who needs or wants you!
JJ and TXnanny don't seem like crybabies to me: they seem thoughtful and nice.
Why do you feel the need to single them out and name-call? I love it when posters use a name, so you know who you are talking to. I think it's being strong in your convictions, not being a crybaby.
First, everyone stop bashing the OP on his choice of accessories for his child. What, is everyone jealous that he can afford these things? You know, there are some people in high positions in society for whom a $180 blanket is just a drop in the bucket. Do you know them? Do you know if they donate to charity or not? Because in my experience, very wealthy people are in turn VERY charitable. Also, certain members of society are expected to dress a certain way. I mean, geez, look at Suri Cruise. Do you think that her parents get her clothes at Target?
A lot of you are missing the point. The nanny, for whatever reason (I suspect jealousy), seems to give a rat's ass about this family's possessions. Not just that they're expensive, but that they are, as he OP says, "key to the child's daily life." As a mother, I take great care of each and every possession of my son's, whether it cost $5 or $50, and I expect his caregiver to do the same.
And the person who said the child had a problem if he couldn't fall asleep without his animal, get a life. Kids NEED their "things." My 7-year-old still needs his blankie - so what? Guess what? I have no problem saying that *I* slept with a small part of MY childhood blankie until I had my first child at the age of 33. I lst my parents at a young age and I traveled extensively for work - and that little piece of fabric was always my piece of "home."
Anyway, OP, you have gotten some fabulous advice here, if you can weed through the disparaging comments. Good luck to you and your little boy.
Peace.
OK, "anonymous" 1:20. Seems a bit hypocritical. When you stop posting your insulting drivel anonymously, maybe I can take that comment seriously. Until then, pipe down and keep hiding behind your cyber cloak of anonymity. It's one thing to post anonymously if you're contributing to the discussion. It's quite another when you're just trying to start trouble. Pretty weak.
1:28, amen on all points. I too wonder if it's jealousy.
Thanks Umass :-)
Miss Dee were you affected by the storms? I was watching the news its terrible whats happening. I guess its all over the world these disasters.
Some of you are being really nasty! Stop it! Even on blog where you can hide behind anonymity it's still not nice to be mean. If you don't have anything nice to say...don't say anything at all! And actually, something to keep in mind posters--the ones who say mean things are insecure about themselves. So, discount their inappropriate remarks...those "meanies" are really weak inside!
Anonymous said...
Buh.Bye JerseyJ, TXNanny and other thin-skinned crybabies. Who needs or wants you!
1:20 PM
_____
We want them...what we don't need is your rudenss! If you don't have anything nice to say, please don't post anything!
janet said...
You sound like a complete snob and nightmare to work for. Who pays that much for a stupid blanket? You could provide education, food, shelter, clean water health care and vaccines to a child in africa for 9 months for $180.hey I have pricey items too. But why pay that much for something that a child can't even appreciate at his age? Ridiculous. Hopefully you fur trimmed coat kid doesn't turn out to be the brat you are making him into with his tantrums and all.
9:17 AM
____________
Where is this coming from? He said the blanket was a gift. He didn't pick it out. But it was $180 so that was the cost to replace it--because his child was attached to it. I have no idea where you're coming up with these accusations. The OP was just trying to accurately describe what was taken, and the impact it had on his little one.
TXNanny said...
3:50 you are a fucking bitch, I've been reading this site for a while and finally decided to start posting and what do you know I get attacked. Go screw yourself, I'm done.
7:58 AM
______________
Even if you're upset, this languange isn't appropriate!
I am a nanny and I take my 3 year old charge everywhere. I too take things from home with us, but I haven't managed to misplace anything. We used to bring a diaperbag and most diaperbags are very hard to get rid of!! How someone misplaces something that large is concerning.
I have a routine that we follow whenever we go out and bring things such as toys. If child is bringing more than one we write a list of the things that we bring and check it when we are getting ready to go to make sure that we have everything.
It's iresponsible of your nanny to cause your child so much grief when he cant find his favorite toy or blanket. Tell her its unnaceptable
I'm amazed that's all she lost.
My daughter lost two shirts yesterday since they gave out tees as party favors.
It happens.
If you're worried about the expense stop buying such overpriced items.
I am a nanny who has never lost anything more than a cheap 1 dollar sand toy at the park. And in that case, I truly think some other little tyke took off with it. No biggie.
However, the things this nanny is "misplacing" are expensive. My gut tells me she is stealing it or selling it to someone for money.
Let her know that this is no longer acceptable and that the cost is adding up. If things continue to go missing, you will be taking it out of her paycheck. I'm betting it stops pronto.
However, if she is really that absent minded about things of value and importance to your child, I wouldn't feel very safe with her as my nanny.
I think the OP was listing the brands and prices of the items to show that the things that were being "lost" were pricey. It wasn't like she lost a pair of socks or a sippy cup. These are big items to misplace and ones that were important at the time. I wouldn't buy stuff that expensive myself, but that's besides the point.
I'm thinking that the OP has a feeling that this stuff is being taken and/or sold. And I have to say, as a nanny, I agree with the OP. My first instinct was to say she was stealing and pawning it off for cash.
10:17 PM
LOL, "man brain". Your husband sounds like my charge's dad. Last week he threw out the whole bag of sand toys with the garbage! He is a great dad though.
To Jane,
I am the OP. I appreciate the comments here, but what do you think?
Wow what clever answers. if you are worried about the expense stop buying overpriced things?? A fur lined jacket? the kid probably threw it away because he was embarassed and this is coming from the regulars in here?
You could feed half of Africa?
Appalled that someone would spend this kind of money on a diaper bag?
This is coming from the regulars in here. NOt from the anon. posters. I am surprised because when someone else does this kind of posting you go after them and then deny that you started the flack.
This post was almost as painful as to read as the "bergdorf blondes".
4:50
Well, I'm not one to lambast other posters, so that takes me out of the equation.
However, I do agree that some of the comments to the OP about what he does with his money is really none of our business.
Is that good enough??
Bergdorf Blondes was Shakespeare compared to "The Manny". Holly Peterson is the worst writer I have ever had the fortune to be handed a book of, and that says a whole lot. Plum Sykes is junior high scat as far as I'm concerned.
OP,
I recall having taken my two year old with me to run an errand at Sports Authority. She was playing in the circular clothes displays while I shopped. When we went to leave, I realized she no longer had her pink fleece jacket. I looked all over the store but could not find it. Mortified, I returned home and told my employer who looked at me kind of strange, I think because she was surprised I would do something so irresponsible. She didn't say anything though. I think she knew I felt terrible about it and I think in eight years it was the only thing I lost. Your nanny does seem to have lost quite a few things in a short time. I cannot imagine she would steal them, whether or not they are expensive. As someone who cares for the child during the day, it couldn't be pleasant for her to be without the child's favorite comfort items. I don't really know what to say about your nanny because I don't know any of her other attributes but I am troubled with the fact that she didn't seem bothered by the fact that she lost things.
Good luck to you. Make sure to tell us what happens!
I'm posting this on both articles so that everyone reads it.
I want you guys to think about what Texas is famous for. Think long and hard.........Maybe this will jog your memory http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VEM-ZJRvHhI
Now my family owns some land south of us, and this really big company came around asking to drill on our land for oil. We finally allowed them to about 8 years ago and what do you know they found what they were looking for.
My share is in the 8 figure range and actually it's pretty close to that 9 figure range. We also have some more land up a few hours north of us that they will be drilling on soon so my share just might get bigger. I get a nice check every single month; needless to say money means nothing to me.
I also have an uncle who's pretty famous and has his own show on television. I am also his one and only goddaughter and since he doesn't have nor want kids of his own and he's not married I stand to inherit a a nice amount of money. So again I say money means nothing to me.
Now I know I was being taken advantage of, I am well aware of that. But there is also a back story you guys don't know.
I have known this family for about 4 years now. I used to be their sons teacher at a daycare that I used to work for and one day she called me up and asked me to watch her youngest who was 2 months old. He had some medical problems and she was afraid to leave him in daycare because she didn't want him to get sick. I agreed and started working for her soon after. He slept almost the entire time I was there. I spent my days on the internet, reading books, watching tv, and doing homework. He would wake up, I would feed him and if I was lucky he would stay awake 30 min after I fed him, most times he would go right back to sleep. Then the whole process would start all over again 3 hours later, this lasted up until he was 10 months old and she no longer needed me when he was a year old. I was free to run any and all errands I needed to run and was allowed to bring my baby cousin along anytime I wished to. I also left 2 hours early twice a week to go to school. Also what I was making per week was AFTER taxes. She paid her share and my share of the taxes.
It also opened the door to my current job. If I had not been their nanny I never would have met my current employer. She is the best 'boss' I could ask for. She is kind, caring, sweet, generous...I could go on and on. She does not ever take advantage of me. I do no other 'chores' except what I want to do. I do occasionally empty and run the dishwasher but it is not expected and I always get a thank you afterwards. Same thing if I run a load of the kid's clothes. She has only asked me to run a couple of kid related errands and I've been happy to oblige. She pays me substantially more per week than my previous employer and I also only work about 30 hours a week.
So again I know I was being screwed but it only lasted 9 months and I've moved on. I've learned some lessons and I've also found a great family to work with because of the last family, so I really don't have much to complain about.
I've been reading this site for about year now but never posted until a few weeks ago. I've seen the fights so I knew it wasn't the most civil place on the internet but at the same time I figured as long as I was nice I wouldn't be attacked. I never once attacked anyone, criticized anyone, made a snide comment to anyone and yet 3 posters who didn't even have the balls to post under a name decided to attack me. The first time, I confronted the person and they apologized. The second time I fought fire with fire and I don't regret it in the least.
I tried being civil and unfortunately that didn't work so that's it for me.
Thanks to the ones that were on my 'side' I appreciate it.
TXNanny
wow. so weird an heir to an oil dynasty would work as a nanny. so weird indeed.
TXNanny..
You don't need to defend yourself. It's nobodies business why you worked for the amount of money you made. I too at one point in my life worked at a job for very little pay. I did it because I loved my job. I'm who I am today because of my past. Be proud of what you've done in life and don't let people make you feel bad about it!
LMAO at Tx nanny the "Heiress"
Hey, not every heiress wants to lay around all day doing nothing and then flash her whoohoo getting in and out of limos at night.
Just beacuse somebody has money does not mean they are prohibited from living a "normal" life if they so choose. Also, some really great parents know it's better to keep some of that money wrapped up until their children are a bit older and have learned to appreciate the value of a hard earned dollar for themselves. Based on txnanny's superior values and work ethic, I would not be at all surprised if her parents followed this philosophy.
And yoohoo for Texas oil! We're lucky enough to have happened to buy on part of the Barnett Shale find...before the discovery. Still negotiating on the price of the lease rights...
"I tried being civil and unfortunately that didn't work so that's it for me."
Txnanny
So does that mean you're going to let 2-3 people run you off, when you have more than that willing to openly support you?
I would really feel "let down" if you decided not to post her anymore.
You sound like a person with a lot of moral fiber, and I would enjoy reading more of your posts.
I hope to get a response from you telling me that I misread your comment.
We really do want you to stick around.
xoxoxoxo
texas nanny, you don't have to explain yourself. just ignore the jackholes. :)
Txnanny
That's exactly the reason why I don't tell people I stand to inherit 2 mil., because they act like jerks. No one can believe it's possible that someone can come into that kind of money.
I wonder how many people will try to be my friend when I get the money?
I do not plan on taking any new applications for friendship when I get the money - if your not my friend now, you won't be then.
~ A regular
Txnanny if you truly are an oil heiress who doesn't need to work then I have a question for you. Do you like charity work? If I was in your financial situation I would love to rather devote my time to shelters and orphanages as apposed to caring for someones already priviledged kids.
I'm going to africa soon and plan to take all the baby clothes that my employer doesn't want to one of the aids orphanages for instance. I'm not oprah. I can't exactly built schools. Nor do I think I'm a great person.(I rather give to people who accept things with a minor stain on it as apposed to certain us charities who don't want anything that even looks second hand or outdated) Just a thought. Or do you already do charity work? A friend of mine just took toys clothes and food to a different orphanage in africa and those kids responded as if someone gave them a million dollars. Little things can be so meaningful to others in need.
Haha, and by the way 2 million is not 8 figures.
Who said anything about 2 mil being 8 figures? Where does it say that in the post? Are you blind as a bat or just stupid? I never compared my money to txnannies. I just said I didn't want to broadcast it because of idiots like you.
:)
To " A regular at 8:24"
I think you're absolutely right!
your friend always,
Sprak
You moron , she says in her post that what her share is worth is in the 8 figure's almost 9. before you correct me why dont you try actually reading the whole thing. IDIOT!
I don't understand what one post has to do with the other?
Could you explain, 1:16.
Txnanny said she was getting 8-9 figures and the other post just said they were getting 2 million.
I don't see why you're upset?
Sprak,
"Your friend always"? Hahaha! That was really funny!! lol
Anon 10:17 is confusing the two posters. One's is in the 8-9 figure range, the other is 2mil.
Good for both of you. Enjoy the $$$. You both sound like the kind who won't let it go to your heads.
(Now, if my family would just agree to let OUR land be mined, I could join the ranks. I suspect everyone is waiting until a particular someone is no longer with us; even though he's not blood, he'd find a way to screw us all out of our shares. lol)
10:17/1:16 must be confused because I don't see where one has to do with the other. The 2 million post never said anything in comparison about figures to txnannies money, who did.
Apples & oranges.
My opinion is that the people here being snotty about txnannys financial good fortune are being petty and jealous.
Do not project your own values on to her. Maybe YOU would do one thing or another if you had millions, or billions of dollars... and good for you. To each his own. Txnanny's "own" is working with children. Maybe that's what makes her happy and gives her purpose in life. Maybe her parents realize the value of good hard work and have not rained those millions down on her 25 year old head yet. (Because of the excellent character and values she seems to have I am guessing they are a family of well grounded people and this is likely the case. Most trust funds don't start to kick in until AT LEAST age 25, if that early, and then tend to pay bit by bit rather than a lump sum.)
It' just like the people you see (gee, why does it seem to be mostly women who do this) who automatically think people are bitchy, without even bopthering ot know them, based on the fact that they have a lot of money. I just figure those are the people who would suddenly turn snobby and bratty themselves if they suddenly had a lot of money, so they assume that's what everybody else would do to.
Think about it.
Wow, didn't know there was so many hateful people out there.
First of all, I'm not going to try to convince you I have money. You either believe me or you don't and I couldn't care less.
Now to answer the questions
I work with kids because that's what I love, I'm going to school to be a teacher so logically my job would entail children. I enjoy it and frankly it reminds me daily why I'm not ready to have kids right now.
I could work with underprivileged kids or at an animal shelter but I personally can't handle that. I get upset every time I hear about a kid or an animal being abused and I know I would want to take both home. I have worked at daycares for poor kids and it broke my heart seeing the things I saw and I couldn't handle it.
The rule was before we got the money that we had to work. My grandparents didn't care what kind of work you did as long as it was full time you would get a check every single month. My younger brother chooses to sit at home and not work, he doesn't get a check and instead lives off my mother's check. Same goes with another cousin of mine.
I want my money so I work and the same goes for my other cousins.
I have tried sitting at home and it's quite boring. I have been between jobs before and I go stir crazy sitting at home. You can only go shopping so many times before it's no longer fun. Same goes for vacations.
TXNanny, i hope you didn't find my response as criticizing you. I was just curious. I too find it hard to deal with children who suffer. It's tough and emotionally draining but it makes me stronger, wiser and more grateful at times.
I just threw my thoughts out as sometimes people just need the time from volunteers. Not always the money. Like my friend who goes to the hospital at night to hold babies. Simple but meaningful.
Again by no means was i judging. Do what makes you happy, heck if its mopping the floor at mcd's so be it!
if there is one poster here who can honestly say that in their whole entire life they've never been taken advantage of then i wish they'd write a post for us all to read and tell us just how they did it. no paying too high a price for something, never buying a lemon?, no sponging, conniving relatives?, no unpaid loans or things lent but never returned? no being dumped by someone after giving 150% to a relationship? just a few examples of how we can anyone of us be taken advantage of so if you are the one lucky person in the universe who's never been taken advantage of, like i said, please post your success story here and as for the rest of you dogging TXnanny - - shame on you
ANON1
GREAT post!!!! You said it all!
Txnanny
I'm soooo glad you posted back!
You said you couldn't believe how many hateful people were out there? Well, try to remember the good ones like me that want you HERE! You have a lot of NICE people supporting you!!
ah, shucks, 10:10
- but thanks!
Hi,
I am a SAHM and my child has a favorite lovey, a stuffed teddy bear. There has been several occasions in public where it fell out of her stroller without my knowledge, but as soon as I discovered it was lost I retraced my steps and was able to find it. She has a hard time going to sleep without it and I was determined to find it.
At times we can lose a child's belongings because we're busy looking after our little ones and some items can get left behind, but I do see a pattern with your nanny. Important personal belongings such as blankets, jackets, diaper bags and your child' favorite lovey should be accounted for constantly ( and I say that from experience). For example, forgetting or losing a diaper bag is hard to believe because it holds all the essentials for your child. Aside from that, what thief would want to steal a diaper bag unless they happen to know the worth of the bag and believe they can sell it on Ebay?
From what you mention in your story, something does sound amiss with your nanny. At the very least the nanny should except financial responsibilty for the items she has lost. Perhaps a lesson in replacing the lost items will make her less "forgetful" and more attentative.
Good luck,
On a family trip we had to backtrack 150 miles for a "lovely" our son had left at a motel. How many of us have done this? Those "loveys" are important.
2:31,
I agree. Loveys are important, although I never had one as a child. But one time when I was 9 my dad did drive around for five hours with me in the San Fernando Valley trying to find Jason Bateman's house.
...does that count?
Well let me start off by telling you that I am a nanny and have been for over 5 years now.
First things first...if you are so overly concerned about the price of the items lost, then why do you continue purchasing such ridiculously expensive items for a child young enough to still be in diapers?!
Kids will be kids and with that being said, things are going to get misplaced and lost.
I can understand how frusterating it would be to come home and "have" to actually be a parent to your child and not have the certain comfort items that he/she is used to, but honestly...to get this upset and write about her on the internet?! How do you think she would feel if she stumbled across this? I will tell you what I would do and that would be quit. Their are a lot of great nanny opportunities out there and life is way too short to work for someone who is willing and able to treat her the way you do.
I would also be very upset with you if you were trying to "re-trace" my enitre outing with your child, especially after working for 8+ hours without a break!
Your wife seems to have a very good head on her shoulders realizing that yes, things will get lost! And if you're this worried about it when you're child is in the diaper stage...wow do I feel bad for any teacher that your child will have in the future!!!
The ammount of things that have been listed as "lost" or "misplaced" are very important items to your day to day living, but if you're that worried about them, you should always have a back up!!!
Take it easy on your nanny...Just remember...she is in charge of nurturing, loving, and caring for your most prized posestion!!!
3:27,
I was once a nanny too. And I was not always appreciated for what I felt was a good job taking care of the children for very long hours.
That being said, I don't think I ever lost anything. I used to keep very good track of the children's things, and come on, an ENTIRE diaper bag? Shouldn't the diaper bag always be in plain sight?
I think OP deserves some understanding. The cost of the items to me is not the point at all. If a nanny is losing that many things, regardless of the price, to me that really is quite irresponsible.
Just my opinion.
My diaper bag was as heavy and big as my Prada bag.
It weighed a ton, and I had teething rings, bottles, wipes, diapers, powder, Mustela rash cream (the BEST), cheerios, etc ........
And in my big ass Prada bag .... everything BUT the kitchen sink.
So ......
HOW do you lose a diaper bag???
Wow, TXNanny, lucky you about the 8-9 figures :). Anyone here who is ridiculing you for that is undoubtedly just jealous of your good fortune. It sounds like you know what you enjoy doing and are able to do it without financial headaches, and it's a very important job so good for you. You don't need to justify anything to anyone, but it's interesting to learn about people, and I enjoy your posts so don't go away!
OP, your nanny could never handle it if you have a second kid. I say get rid of her. It is inappropriate for her to constant lose the things that are important to your child, whether they cost $3 or $300. The cost is secondary. The important point is that these things are important to your child. It does not sound like you or your wife thinks she's perfect otherwise, so I don't understand how you can keep her. A nanny is someone that you as a family rely upon to help you. It is not someone who should be causing you concern because you must worry about when will be the next time she will lose your child's important lovey.
And to Smackyou, your post really cracked me up. :)
First of all, I think it's easy to pay $150 for a diaper bag. Mine was that much. Even the ones at the GAP are $80. If you can buy pricey stuff for your kid, go ahead. You worked for it, your kids deserve to benefit from your ability to earn. Second of all, I would let the nanny know how much the stuff she lost cost (maybe she's careless because she didn't know they were expensive). If she was well aware of their cost, she's either disrespectful or selling it. Ebay, craigslist, consignment shops. Easy cash. I would have a serious talk with her about not taking stuff out of the house if she can't return with it. The next time it happens, the discussion involves restitiution. If it happens again, the next conversation involves end date.
Hey, OP
Good for you!
I am glad you fired her. She seems unbalanced. To even get aggressive with your wife. Thats just crazy. You never know maybe she was rough with your son as well. I guess we won't know. But I am glad she is out of the picture.
I hope all works out for you.
Just wondering if maybe she stumbled upon this site???
Quick question to everyone that posted. If the items that were lost were more on the low price (example: K-mart, Target brands, Walmart) would people feel different about her losing/stealing all these items?
NO, I would not have felt different if the items were cheaper (although it would have probably laid to rest any suspicion that she might be stealing them.)
I find it very "interesting" that her first instinct was to be defensive about being accused of stealing if your wife never offered this as a possibility.
Glad she's gone. She sounds unstable. And I can hardly believe you even had to come home to fire her. After throwing things and screaming at your wife you would think she might kind of realize it was a done deal and simply left then and there. What did she do? Turn on her heels after her outburst and go back to working? This scares me for how your child may have been treated in your absence.
If her reaction to your wife asking about something she couldn't find was "you are calling me a thief", either she has a guilty conscience, or she reads isawyournanny!
You are well rid of her. I hope you find a wonderful new nanny for your little boy.
A Nanny
good job, OP! hope you find someone great!
OP, you must have sensed something big was coming and that sense prompted you to post here. It's GREAT that you got rid of this forgetful psycho. Just remember that for next time, you have to be super careful about anyone with whom you leave your child.
I have learned this. If there are ever ANY red flags, however minor, get rid of the person (or do not hire her/him). By red flags, I mean things that you notice that are a bit off, however slight, or things you might have to mull over for one reason or another. If there are ANY red flags, it is an indication of something else, and you should not go with this person.
Good luck!
Where did you find the forgetful psycho in the first place?
EXCELLENT point fox!
Wow...
I wonder if she reads this blog?
Let me get this straight. Over the course of a few months, some of your kid's things got lost along the way - specifically, a blanket and a jacket. Not great for you, since you have such expensive tastes (hey, I wouldn't say anything, but you made it VERY CLEAR that your kid's accessories are expensive), but definitely not outside what I would consider normal in the course of caring for a small child.
Your nanny reports that the diaper bag was stolen. You don't believe her. I'm assuming, based on your tone, that you have probably indicated that you don't believe she just "lost" the other items either (either directly or indirectly).
Then something else goes missing and you think this woman is out of line for getting angry that you repeatedly accuse her of theft?
You repeatedly, and without any justification that I can see, insinuate that your nanny is stealing from you. Stealing things like a baby blanket and toddler-sized jacket and stuffed animal, which for the life of me I can't understand why your nanny would bother to steal (honestly, the black market for baby goods ain't that lucrative).
I think your nanny was being perfectly reasonable. I think you sound like a nightmare of an employer. I hope you'll tell everyone here who you are and where you live, so that other nannies can avoid your family.
And if you don't, that's OK. Your new nanny will figure it out from your incessant price-dropping, and I hope she leaves you at a most inconvenient time.
4:09
Did you read his post? They never said anything to her about the prior missing items because his wife didn't want to.
Did you read his update? She had a psychotic episode when the wife asked her about the latest missing item WITHOUT mentioning the possibility of theft.
I am thinking you may either be the nanny in question or one of her friends. When I saw OPs update and the posts suggesting maybe nanny read this blog I had a pretty good feeling we would be hearing from her, defensively and angrily, if that was the case. Hello.
oooh how hilarious if she read the blog! employers need to be careful though. their nannies who are dismissed usually spread awful rumors. i've seen it happen and it is not pretty
hs! I can't believe that! Psycho!
Thanks for the nice article.
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