12 May, 2008

Library at 6th Avenue & 9th in Park Slope, NY

Received Monday, May 12, 2008
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Nanny: Tall, thin, wearing denim crop jeans with converse sneakers. The crops had fringe hanging on them. She had dark hair, rosy cheeks, no make up, attractive. Slim build with no curves.
Child: Tyler. A boy 20-28 months. Blonde, with blue eyes, wearing a green jacket over a black turtleneck. Runny nose.
Where: Public Library at 6th Avenue & 9th in Park Slope, NY
What: Nanny brought with her a portable DVD player. She was watching movies, using ear buds. The child was running amok and socializing with all sorts of other children and adults. The nanny could not have known. I watched the child socialize with a man of about 63 for about 15 minutes. (They were in my line of sight). I am the one who brought your son to your nanny. I didn't understand when he told me she was watching a movie, but he found the nanny and I tapped her on the shoulder. Three very hard taps. I asked her what she thought she was doing. She grew angry and told me she knows where the child is and he knows where she is at all times. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea. She told me that 'Tyler's parents and I support his Independence. We don't believe in smothering children'. Seeing as I would get nowhere with her, I walked away. I did notice her and him about ten minutes later and they were looking at the children's books together. He isn't my child, but I think he is too young to entertain himself at a public library. If nanny were reading, she would at least have an ear out for him, even if she couldn't see him!

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, maybe she is supporting the parent's idea of how they want to raise him. Sometimes people just do not need to worry so much about what others are doing. Do you really think she was that unaware of her surroundings?

Anonymous said...

Well, maybe she is supporting the parent's idea of how they want to raise him. Sometimes people just do not need to worry so much about what others are doing. Do you really think she was that unaware of her surroundings?

Anonymous said...

Well, maybe she is supporting the parent's idea of how they want to raise him. Sometimes people just do not need to worry so much about what others are doing. Do you really think she was that unaware of her surroundings?

Anonymous said...

You took action and that was kind of you to look out for this child, however,every parent has a different idea of what is okay and what is not okay and perhaps this nanny was following the parents philosophy.

I was a nanny for a family who gave me permission from day 1 to spank their children..this was the way they chose to raise their child.
Any nanny who is a good employee will raise the children in the manner requested from her employer.
She does not have to agree that it is the correct way but does have to acknowledge that it is the parents way and that she is being paid to do a job.
Being that she gave you a name(childs) and that she even took time to address you seems to show that she was not fearful of the situation getting back to mom & dad...she was most likely telling the truth and simply following the wishes of mom & dad.

Anonymous said...

Ok you people are not seriously agreeing with this are you? She was watching a MOVIE with earbuds! How could she possibly know where he was at all times if her hearing and attention were impaired. If she were reading a book it would acceptable, but a MOVIE??
Honestly I don't know how anyone would think that was ok. Someone could have snatched him in a second and she would have been watching a movie with no idea. I believe in making kids independent but letting a 2 year old fend for himself in a public place is not acceptable.

Anonymous said...

No, it is not OK. Two-year-olds need to be watched.
This has nothing to do with smothering. I hope the parents see this.

undercover regular said...

Uninvolved nanny. That's all. She just doesn't care because she's either bored or lazy. I seriously doubt this is what the parents had in mind when they said, "give him some independence".

Anonymous said...

you poked her hard three times? that's not very nice, is it?
also, what is wrong with a child socializing with "all kinds of people?" are you an ageist? why are you prejudiced against elderly men?
you sound mean.

alex said...

I think the child socializing with the man was an example that really anyone could have taken him and she would not have known as she had her earbuds in and was watching a movie. I understand some parents do not want their children "smothered" but to me that would mean standing a little ways away from the child but still knowing where they were. She wouldn't have even heard the child scream with the earbuds on.

Anonymous said...

So what ever happened to teaching our kids you do not talk to strangers? Even if your nanny is with you and she is busy watching a movie with headphones on so she can drown out the noise and can't hear you.
Do you pay your nanny to watch movies and let your kids run rampant in the library and talk to strangers? I guess maybe some people think this is acceptable but I think most parents would disagree. I am not paying my nanny to dump my child at the library and to watch a movie instead of her! Letting a child be independant is one thing ,letting the child be ignored and not watched is quite another.

Anonymous said...

How can anyone seriously consider the possibility that a parent would "tell" their nanny to completely ignore a two year old child in a public place, or worse yet, that a nanny would actually comply with that! Just because the parents pay a nanny's salary, neglect or abuse (spanking) is NEVER acceptable. Yes, SOME things are still more important than a paycheck! Good Grief! If you're a nanny who's willing to do whatever/however a parent tells you to supervise or interact with their child, then you're in the wrong line of work! Have some integrity, people, and always, always do what's in the best interest of the children.

Anonymous said...

One cannot 'have some integrity".

One either has integrity or one does not. In my experience, most nannies do not have integrity. Yes, there are exceptions to that rule and I am fortunate to know a few of them.

While I think myself a proud and able parent, surely if I were to ever suggest to a nanny that she cause harm to my child or put him in danger, I would hope she would refuse. I am after all hiring a human being, not a puppet.

To the nanny who spanked your 1 yr. old charge at the parent's request- burn in hell.

Anonymous said...

Please, lets not turn this into another spanking debate. We have already established we each have strong views that we are not going to change. Lets not get off topic and continue to beat a dead horse. If you really want to debate it, start a new post.

Anonymous said...

9:58 burn in hell?

You sound like a real gem.

Anonymous said...

I go to that library sometimes. I have school ageg kids. At all times I must know where they are and what they are doing. These are not my kids and so I am doubly careful with them. I dont care how old a child is, you should always know where they are while in your care. watching a movie is UNACCEPTABLE, no excuse. So many times I have not been able to read even the newspaper until I return home because my attention is ALWAYS on my charges This nanny was wrong

Signed: Park Slope Nanny

I'm a nanny & this pisses me off said...

This nanny was goofing off and she knew it. Her excuse that her employers wanted her charge to be "independant" is nonsense. I highly doubt they intended for her to ignore him and watch her DVD at the library.

Hope her employers see this. Hope they have a serious talk with her. (Secretly) hope they fire her so they can hire a great nanny who will do her job!

I'm a nanny & this pisses me off said...

Crap. I'm tired. Meant to spell it correctly.

"Independence".

*phew*

JerseyXJacqui said...

I agree with most everyone. This nanny was being lazy and playing the independence card. I doubt that's what the parents had in mind when they mentioned giving him some independence. If this child was 6 or 7 years old, it would make sense...but a toddler running around unattended? I think she (conveniently) "misunderstood" what mom and dad meant.

I think OP handled it well.

Anonymous said...

lazy lazy lazy...

its funny....I am a former preschool teacher with over 10 years teaching, 12 of nannying and
I have agencies tell me...the market is for infants and toddlers
and.....that all my school aged
nannying is great...but....they
cant help me find a job..
and then I read a post from a lazy
nanny.....unreal....

erics mom said...

Its a dangerous world. Why would you have your back to your charge or your child. And I think its pretty scary that the child had enough time alone to converse with a man there. What if this guy was a pervert and tried to take her away?
I don't know if anyone heard what happened in Queens yesterday. A six year old girl was molested in the park. Her aunt was watching her, but somehow the guy lured her away from the playground.



I would hate to be that aunt. I would feel so guilty for not keeping my eye on that child. But I can't judge. Maybe, just maybe it was crowded and before she knew she didn't see the child being taken away. I don't know

Anonymous said...

958..I am the one who you told to burn in hell..Now open your eyes..get the stick out of your as_ and go back and read the post again. I said they gave me permission from day one.I never stated I spanked this child. I also stated that any nanny will follow a parents philosophy as they are being paid to do a job.

My charge NEVER gave me reason to spank..She had no reason too as I did my job and paid attention.Obviously mom & dad did not pay enough attention to this child and that was a problem..the child ,like most,acted out to get mom & dads attention..albeit, negetive.I never once spanked my charge.Had she acted out for me as she did when with her parents I most likley would have as that was what her parents instructed me to do. I was not paid to raise her as I saw fit..I was paid to raise her as they,mom employers,saw fit!I am a nanny because I love working with children and communicate with them very well.

So, while I am burning in hell..maybe you ought to learn not to assume you know everything!read the post for what it is and stop assumming, **it makes you look weak!

Anonymous said...

anonymous at 501,
you didnt prove any point. you said you would blindly follow the dumb ass parent's directive, you said any nanny would do as her employers told.

you sound painfully dumb.

you probably would have marched with the Nazis too

JerseyXJacqui said...

Ouch. Nazis and spanking? This blog has just gotten very interesting.

I agree AND disagree with the nanny who said she'd follow whatever the parent's rules said.
You have to draw a line. If you don't think spanking is a travesty, then you would just draw the line elsewhere. The end. Lets not get back into the spanking debate.

5:14, that was a bit ridiculous comparing this with something as dramatic as MARCHING WITH THE NAZIS. I understand you were trying to prove a point, but you also kind of failed at it.

Anonymous said...

5:14
I agree. 5:01 is an idiot. How does she expect us to think she doesn't spank the kids, when she didn't clarify that. All she DID say was that she adheres to the parents wishes on discipline.
Backpedal quick, honey ... and take that stick out of YOUR ass while you're at it.

Anonymous said...

Yawn, will this blog ever get over the spanking debate. Some spank. Some don't. The end.

Anonymous said...

The child was 2 years old and the nanny was wearing ear buds and watching a movie. I can't possibly believe that anyone with a brain would find this acceptable. This child could have been gone in a blink of an eye!

mom said...

How ridiculous that anyone would defend this behavior! Even if the parents, by some miracle, did say, "Do not supervise our toddler in public," nanny had no business endangering the child this way. Common human decency requires more care than this.

Here's a story for the person who thinks a 6 year old is OK alone in public:

We visited San Francisco many years ago, when my sister was 8 and I was 12. One evening while my parents finished dinner, they let my sister and me go to the nearby bookstore. As we browsed separately I noticed that a man (I thought at the time that he was an elderly man, but looking back he was probably in his 40's...but still not sure because kids aren't good judges of age.) She was very shy and I noticed that she was embarrassed. I let her talk to him for a couple minutes because he looked like a harmless grandpa to me. Then I went and joined them. My parents arrived shortly after that, and when we tried to leave the man asked my parents if they would allow us to go spend the night at his house, with his excuse being that he had two little girls just our ages that he hadn't seen for quite a while and he missed them terribly. My parents, always polite, made some excuse as to why we could not, and we left the store. The man followed us all the way back to the hotel... and he kept trying to run his hands through my hair the whole way. I could tell my parents were very frightened and didn't know what to do. My mom held tightly to my arm. When we reached the hotel my father told the man he had to leave us to go to our room. Then Dad reported him to the hotel staff when he tried to follow us up the elevator. When we got to our room, the phone rang. It was the man from the bookstore. He proceeded to repeat to my father our names, our hometown, where my father worked and where we lived...along wiht all kind of other personal information. He had gotten all of this information out of my sister as he talked with her. Then he told my father that he was going to track us down and that there was no way to keep him from us. Then he said some sexual things about us, which prompted my 5'10" skinny, peace loving dad to go out looking for him. (TOTALLY out of character for Dad...so whatever he said had to be very bad.)A little while later the hotel security came ot our room and informed us that they had caught the man back in the lobby, disguised, and looking for our room number. The hotel changed our rooms and removed our names from the system and instructed the staff to inform anybody that inquired that we had checked out. They suggested we leave the city and go home.
The next morning we had to cut our trip short and return home.
At home my father had to instruct his entire office staff that they were to tell anybody who called his office that he was unmarried and had no children. He had to take our home out of our family name and put it in a trust. Our phone number was changed and unlisted. We were scared for a long time. He tried to hide us by every means he could think of. Every time there was a bump in the night, my sister and I feared that the man had found us and had was breaking in to get us. Sometimes (often, actually) sis and I took our sleeping bags and slept together huddled on our bathroom floor, because that was one more lock between us and an intruder.
So no, a six year old is not old enough to wander around talking to strangers either. Watch your kids!

D said...

9:26- I grew up in SF and my hippie parents allowed us to wander freely from the age of about 7. I cannot tell you how many times i have had weirdos follow me, to the point where i learned which buildings had open security and back doors on my way home so I could pretend that's where I lived. I had people try to lure me into cars, expose themselves to me (several times) and try to trick me into leaving with them. I even had a man once standing in front of my seat on a cablecar rub himeslf on my leg the entire trip and i was too terrified to say anything to my father 4 feet away in the crowd.

It's neglect and if something happened to that 2 yr old that nanny would be in jail.

D said...

9:26- I grew up in SF and my hippie parents allowed us to wander freely from the age of about 7. I cannot tell you how many times i have had weirdos follow me, to the point where i learned which buildings had open security and back doors on my way home so I could pretend that's where I lived. I had people try to lure me into cars, expose themselves to me (several times) and try to trick me into leaving with them. I even had a man once standing in front of my seat on a cablecar rub himeslf on my leg the entire trip and i was too terrified to say anything to my father 4 feet away in the crowd.

It's neglect and if something happened to that 2 yr old that nanny would be in jail.

marypoppin'pills said...

I don't know what my Parents must've been thinking ...
But I was allowed to run and play all over my neighborhood from the age of 4 or 5. And I mean walking about a good block down and over to my friend Gayle's house.
How I never got ran over or kidnapped, I can only guess that a higher power must've been looking out for me.
It was definately a different time back then. And when I asked my Mom about it, she said that everybody knew each other and I guess she figured I was safe.

mom said...

MaryPP,
I was a different time.
My parents had the same idea as yours and I turned out fine...although I do have some rather frightening memories to go along with that too.
I think the difference in my case was that my parents were from the rural midwest and didn't realize that you have to watch your children in a whole different way in California. They went to school with kids whose families had known each other for generations and their classes were filled with cousins and siblings as well. They trusted people.They shouldn't have always done that.

Now almost nobody has the luxury of knowing their kids are safe alone outside at all. What a shame.

mpp said...

.... and nobody knows each other anymore, either.

MissDee said...

9:26-What a scary story. Hopefully that will serve as a wake-up call to parents.

Why does this post remind me about the nanny in the library-California, I believe that Jane posted last week about the nanny who ignored the 2 year old and something about the crayons? I recollect someone saying something about pedos and how they can and will hang around libraries. A few semsters ago,this man hanging around my school located in downtown Milwaukee wore the same outfit everytime I saw him, and his friends, including the greasy, dirty, stringy haired bald man and the janitor were kicked off campus for assulting young women. One of them almost got smacked with my bookbag and laid out on the floor for messing with me. *LOL* The other one (the older man) almost ended up wearing a cup of hot chocolate for bothering me repeatedly. *heehee* I later found out that these men are banned from campus, subject to tresspassing, disorderly conduct and other charges if they enter the building again. I also found out through campus security that these men have had complaints made to the school by other women in regards to inappropriate gestures, actions, and conversation.

My point here is that just like with the lazy library nanny last week, that this nanny is wrong, because anything can happen to anyone, regardless of age or gender. A few young women were sexually assualted at my school, and that is a 2 year community college! I was stalked on campus, which is why I came close to beating the manhood off my stalker. An employee of the school propositioned me in not so many words, and I didn't feel safe there. If something like this can happen here, then at a library with an overpaid, underworked, lazy nanny not properly supervising her charges it would be worse, since children are so trusting and can defend themselves. I hope the parents find out about this lazy slug and fire her. I really don't think the parents want the child to learn independence in a public place, I think the nanny is a liar.

Sorry I'm late posting. I'll have a computer by the end of summer...I missed you guys!

Anonymous said...

Missdee
I think you meant "underpaid" and "overworked" nanny ....
not very many nannies have it *that* good, honey.
Good to see you, though!
:)

cali mom said...

5:47, I think that MissDee meant that this PARTICULAR nanny was an overpaid, underworked, lazy nanny, because she obviously was collecting a paycheck for hanging out at the library watching movies, completely oblivious to the safety needs of the child she was busy ignoring.