Wednesday

General Messiness

Received Wednesday, April 30, 2008- Perspective & Opinion
When I started working for my current family, I was told no housework at all. Just clean out the bottles, bowls and spoons so that they'd have clean things to use to feed the baby with. I started when the baby was 3 months old. So at first he was sleeping a lot and I was able to help out more, by picking up toys, doing dishes, sweeping, and picking up the laundry and tossing it into a basket. As he's gotten older and only taking 1 two hour nap a day I don't get as much done. Monday when I left the diaper genie was getting full, but wasnt full yet. I said something to dad about it, then went home. Today (wednesday) I get there and mom says to me "Can you just make sure you empty out the diaper genie when its full cause dad (she said the name) is getting mad at having to do it all the time". I was shocked. I always make sure their home is clean and picked up before leaving for the day, even though I come in to no clean bottles, bowls or spoons. Most days a full diaper genie. Dishes from their dinner all over the place and empty beer bottles. I'm just curious...how many other nannies would be hurt by having that said to them when they always make a point of having the house look spotless, and always arrive to a mess?

73 comments:

emily said...

It's a sad fact of life that people don't always consider the facts before they speak. I don't think you should let this become a big deal. Use it as an opportunity to talk about your role in the family. I think it's perfectly acceptable for you to say to the mom (or both parents, if you catch them together) that you were caught off guard by her comment because you feel you go above and beyond the call of duty frequently and her comment made you feel unappreciated.

It may feel to you that you shouldn't have to point out all that you do for them, they should just get it. Unfortunately this is one of those situations where you can be right, or you can be happy. Make your choice and act accordingly.

Anonymous said...

I had a similar thing happen with the last family I worked for. I would think I was getti ng everything done that I was supposed to, only to have notes left for me asking me to do more and to "make sure..." such and such got done, etc. Meanwhile, the parents never kept up with things on their end. I would come to work and find clothes ON TOP of an empty hamper, a diaper ON TOP of the diaper genie, an extremely full genie on monday, dishes all over the countertop in the morning, etc. So, when I got the chance, I asked about what my role was. I started out by saying that the kiddo was getting bigger and more active, leaving less time for me and my duties that I used to be able to do with no problem. We discussed what would be expected of me and it got cleared up. However, after a while, they were back to their notes and lists and "by the ways". I parted ways with them when they moved to the East Coast. Now they have a nanny on weekdays, a PT nanny on weekends, a housekeeper, a personal assistant, gardeners and a household manager. Guess they figured they'd just have everyone else do the dirty work for them.

a texas nanny said...

My agency has us also under a no housekeeping rule (if we want to be paid $1/hr more to be a nanny manager and do child laundry that is up to us); they hire out housekeepers for that. Yet when I get to work every day for what is supposed to be a part-time temp position, usually every surface is covered in toys, papers, trash, dishes, etc. The dishwasher is full, as is the sink and all surrounding countertops in the kitchen, the playrooms are in disarray, the kids' laundry baskets are toppling over from the excess of clothes, dirty clothes are piled up near the changing table, the diaper contraption is nearly full, I find sippy cups of old FUNKY milk in the diaper bag, etc. They had been having all the nannies and "personal assistants" sent from the agency doing housework, i.e. the above mentioned items as well as sweeping, mopping, they even had one girl scrub out/sanatize the old fridge and weed the yard! They had not asked me to do these things so much because I think they don't want to risk pissing me off since they feel I am the most capable nanny the agency has sent over and the kids love me, though I have been told to do these types of things from time to time... They have been spoken to THREE TIMES about not being allowed to have nannies do any of that crap, and yet last week the mom asked me to swiffer and spot mop and the nanny who was relieving me had been made to do the dishes and laundry while I had the kids at the park. It's hard to understand these parents, I totally know what you are talking about. If the family was a) a little bit generous (stingy millionaires!) and b) hadn't been taking advantage of all of the other girls so much and c) didn't leave the house a complete disaster zone at all times, I would probably be much more obliged to occassionally load extra dishes in the dishwasher or gather random bits of child laundry from all over the house and return it to the hamper, though I don't really have down time since one of the kids doesn't nap and I am playing with/entertaining her all day.

Anonymous said...

My personal assistant doesn't do any cleaning. Not even put one dish in the dishwasher. So how do you figure?

Hellcat said...

Am I the only one that raised an eyebrow upon reading "beer bottles"?

just anonymous said...

Yup, sounds like every nanny job I've ever had or ever heard of.

Anonymous said...

Me too.
I work for a family now and the dad works from home. During the days he trashes the kitchen leaving his entire lunch on the counter or in the sink and I always pick it up. It pisses me off to no end.
The mom actually said to me once "Since you started, he actually cleans up after himself." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Janet E. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I can't imagine expecting my babysitter or nanny to clean up after ME. After the kids, yes. I mean, I wouldn't want to come home to a greater mess than what was there before I left. But it's not the nanny's job to clean up after mom and dad, unless she is a nanny/housekeeper and being paid also to clean.

When I was in my teens and 20's I babysat a lot and don't recall EVER being expected to clean up after anyone but the kids, or to do housework, laundry or chores, or even to do stuff for the kids that didn't DIRECTLY relate to what we were doing while I was there. IE, never had to empty the diaper genie full of diapers used while I wasn't there!! I'm pretty shocked that people would expect a nanny to do these things. Especially a nanny who they told NO HOUSEWORK AT ALL. That's just not cool.

Anonymous said...

If I don't expect my Saturday sitter to do housecleaning, how could I ask that of my professional nanny?

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny who is being paid to take care of a baby, when they hired me they said no housekeeping of any kind. Just pick up after the baby. There house is always unclean, with clothes, dishes and toys all over the house. It bothers me to see kids living in a home like this.... But do i walk around an clean up after them? NO WAY. Once you start something then you always have to do it.

Anonymous said...

8:10
I nannied for a similar family. They told me no dishes except the baby dishes and bottles. And for awhile I would do them. But then they started leaving piles of dishes in the sink and in order to do the baby dishes, I had to get rid of those.
It was difficult. I think they sucked.

Anonymous said...

Why do you think the Jamaican nannies are so stern with their employers? They refuse to do anything they didn't agree to from the get go. Why? They're smart. They know that the employer is looking to get more work for the same $. Take a lesson.

Anonymous said...

And some of those Jamaican nannies do nothing at all, including watching the kids, only collect that 'under the table' check.

And there is NO SUCH THING as a nanny/housekeeper!

It's: professional nanny.

Or: nanny that get's taken advantage of.

8:10
RIGHT ON!!
That's what you do, don't let them take advantage of you to BEGIN with.
Don't START picking picking up after mom & dad and everybody else, and they won't EXPECT it!

Westchester nanny said...

This is a classic case of doing things to be kind once in awhile, and them then becoming part of your job. You were helping out and going that extra mile to be a good person and now these tasks are expected of you. I too have fallen into this trap. OP unless you want more and more responsibilities I would speak up now. I know it's not easy and can be awkward but you must before you become jaded and angry. Gently remind mom and dad that there was no cleaning with this position and you did extra when the baby was small to help out because you had the time, now you do not because the baby is older. Tell them you would like to devote your time to his growth and happiness. Do it now because as time goes on it will only fester and make you bitter at your job which we all know is unhealthy. Good luck.

Nanny B said...

I know exactly what you mean. You better put a stop to this early on in the professional relationship other wise you will end up like me, 4 years down the road and the parents can barely put their cereal box back in the pantry. I hate this part of the job and if the parents only knew how much I have come to resent them becaues of it, I'm sure it wouldn't matter. LOL. which is why I'm leaving in 3 months!

Anonymous said...

The family I nanny for has got to be the biggest slobs on the face of this earth. I can barely stand coming in everyday. I leave the house spotless and the nxt morning it is back to how it was. I think they look themselves in the office and let the kids trash the place while I am not there.

A nanny who cares said...

I have had this same thing happen to me, many times before. You need to have a talk with either the mother, or preferably both parents. Explain that you were hired to care for their baby, with no expectations of house work, and in the beggining you were more than happy to help out on your downtime while the baby napped. But now, that he doesn't nap as much, you will be concentrating on him and his development, and won't have the extra time to help with chores like taking the diaper genie out, doing dishes, sweeping, and picking up the laundry. And, you need to address this soon. The longer you do extra work, the more they will expect from you! Do not phrase this as a question, but your expectations. Good luck and let us know what you do.

Anonymous said...

I make it very clear when I interview that I do only child related chores. If you start doing extras to help out, you may be heading down a slippery slope. Pretty soon they think of those *extras* as part of your job.
That being said, I do think emptying the Diaper Genie is a reasonable part of a nanny's duties. If the dad doesn't like to do it, I would just empty it before I left every day. It is easier when it isn't full anyway. Those bags can get heavy!
A Nanny

Anonymous said...

In this particular case, where you were told all you have to do is clean out the baby bottles, bowls and spoons, you are 100% in the right to object to them asking you to empty the diaper genie. However, cleaning up after the mess created by the children while in your care, including emptying the diaper pail, is not an uncommon expectation for a nanny. I don't leave my nanny with an almost full diaper genie or sink full of dishes when she come in-it is not her job to clean up after us--but I would consider it rude if she left us with a full diaper genie or her dirty dishes at the end of her work day. And, I don't consider her job a nanny/housekeeper. She is here for childcare--we have a twice weekly housekeeper--but her job includes cleaning up after any mess created by her or the kids during the time she is on duty and leaving the house in the same condition it was when she came.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't want to empty someones shitty diaper genie either. Those things are a pain in the ass with the bags and all. And the homes still smell of shit.

Anonymous said...

The spoiled, lazy family you work for will never change. Accept their selfish & annoying attitude or find another job.
Trust me, nothing you can say or do will ever make things better. They want to be catered to and pampered, and a nanny is responsible for catering to and pampering the kids---not the parents!

Anonymous said...

The dad is complaining because he doesn't wan't to empty the diaper genie and thinks Nanny should do it? Sorry buddy, that's what happens when you have a kid!

cali mom said...

1:20, agreed. I'd either talk to the parents and SPELL OUT in no uncertain terms EXACTLY what tasks are part of your job, (and what aren't!) or just empty the diaper genie but stop doing all the other EXTRA clean up for them that you've been doing. Probably best to sit down with them and write it all out though because knowing how they are behaving now, they'd just say one thing and after a few weeks go back to their old habits and demand more and more housekeeping tasks from you.

Anonymous said...

First off this is the her fault! They said, "no housework"!, they were doing her a favor maybe? And she took it upon herself to do housecleaning, now they expect it which has made them lazy. I bet now they want her to do more. Sorry this nanny should of just done what she was told.

Anonymous said...

What is more important? That the house is perfect or you children are happy and feed?

OP Here said...

OK let me state that they don't expect housework to be done. I only see Mom in the mornings, but she is always full of praise that the house looked great and the baby seemed happy. Dad and I don't talk much really, as I only see him for a bit in the afternoon.

There have been times where I was only able to clean up after baby and myself and not Mom and Dad and they have not said a word.

I was shocked because ONCE the diaper genie was close to full, and dad made a comment bout always doing it, when I do it during the week, so unless Mom makes him do it on vacation weeks and weekends, then I didn't see the problem.

We do have an agreement, and I'll make sure to point it out to Mom that the agreement states NO housecleaning, unless its baby related dishes. I was just curious what other nannies did in this situation.

Anonymous said...

It will get worse. I had a similar situation. They will continue taking you for granted.

kathleencares said...

I think that is crazy that they expect you to clean up after them -especially given the fact that they told you no housework when they hired you. You should have a talk with them and remind that that you are a nanny - not a housekeeper.
I never do any housework for the family I nanny for because that was not discussed as a requirement when I was hired. I clean up after the girls while I’m there (dishes they use for snacks) but that is it. Sometimes there are dishes in the sink from the night before, but I don't touch them and never would.
As I said, I think you should definitely have a talk with them because that is unacceptable that they leave you dishes to clean up from their dinner the night before. Disrespectful!

Miserly Bastard said...

If it has to do with the kid, it's your job--picking up toys, cleaning the Diaper Dekor, bottles, kid food, etc.

That said, it's unfair to give you a dump in the morning and expect an immaculate house by evening. Your job is to take care of the kid, not to clean the house.

So I strike this bargain with my nanny: you give me the house in the same condition I give it to you. Every morning, I spend 30 minutes picking the place up before going to work. This often includes swiffering, wiping down counters, emptying the trash, loading/running the dishwasher, cleaning the fridge etc. (We also have a maid once a week).

End result is that our house is pretty clean, but I do our share, too!

Anonymous said...

MB-
a man who knows as much abouut $ as you do and you swiffer in the morning? That's hot.

cali mom said...

I do have to say that emptying the diaper genie seems like a perfectly legit part of childcare so not unreasonable to ask the nanny to take care of. But kind of obnoxious of them to come off sounding like you're always leaving extra work for THEM to do if YOU are doing so much extra work tidying up after THEM.

marypoppin'pills said...

Hey MB
I gotta agree with 11:52. I ♥ a man with a swiffer!

Anonymous said...

I canot imagine people that don't have enough dishes to feed a child ,that they have to be washed after every use LOL I don't care how many dishes they use ,they get put in the dishwasher and when I get home and make dinner then I turn it on and this magical thing happens they all get clean. Unless people are paying a nanny for being a housekeeper too they should clena up afterthemselves. BUT so many know that the nanny can't stand the dirt and mess so she will clean it up. Pretty smart of them because they get what they want a maid and a nanny for much much less. If it were me the husband was whining because he asxtually had to empty the diaper bin I would say lets make a deal, you leave me in the morning with an empty bin and I will leave you with one. Sounds like they really have their cake and eat it too because you are letting them.

Anonymous said...

Start leaving dirty diapers hidden in corners of their house, if you decide to leave. Like hidden vents maybe in the basement, etc.

Get a really gross diaper and put in under their bed spring

mom said...

Uh oh. Mary PP is in a lather today. I'd better not misspell anything or it might send her right over the top ;)

OP, sounds like you spoiled your employers. It's probably going to be about as easy to undo the damage as it is to unspoil a child. There is probably going to be pouting and stomping of feet...but hopefully no firing or quitting. You must now speak to them and tell them how you feel...that you did a few extras to be nice to them and be an extra good employee, but it has now turned into a situation where it seems they expect you to do a lot of extra things that were specifically discussed at the time of your hiring and agreed upon as NOT being part of your responsibilities. Tell them that you value your job and your good relationship with them and you fear that you are beginning to feel taken advantage of...which can not be good for a long term mutually realtionship. If my employee came to me and said those things I would be horrified that I had made her feel taken advantage of and STOP immediately. Hopefully your employers will feel the same. If, on the other hand, they are the kind of people who need to get a little bit more than they give in relationships then you will find out real fast.

Nannies, it looks like a case of "no good deed goes unpunished." If I were a nanny I wouldn't go above and beyond in any areas I wasn't willing to have morph into part of my regularly expected duties...and I would stick to child raising activities for those. Don't clean up after them. It stinks (literally) that you will have to spend your days in a filthy house, but their mess is their responsibility. Pretend oyu don't even see it. And if is gets bad enough, maybe they'll actually start cleaning up after themselves. And you can wash baby dishes without having to wash the whole sink full. Move the family dishes aside and then put them back, or simply squirt some soap into the baby items and wash them individually. Stop cleaning this instant and do not be tempted to just tidy up a bit or anything.

marypoppin'pills said...

Mom
I've never been one to correct someone's misspelling or grammar.

I make "multiple" mistakes myself. And I know that usually happens because I'm tired from lack of "stimulation".

So, no need to worry about me!
Tee-hee

mom said...

MaryPP,
I was just teasing with you because of your 1:57 comment...which sounded like you might be just a little "frisky" today...coupled with the potential for you to seriously "get your 'O' on" if I left a lot of typos that you could correct.
I never worry about you picking at people's typos ;)

mpp said...

I'm not sure I was feeling frisky, but definately in a teasing mood.


I love to tease, and be teased ...
good-naturedly, of course!

mpp said...

Oh, btw ...
did you pick up on my insinuations?
I did that so you'd know I would think your post was funny.

mom said...

Heheheeh! I didn't the first time but I just went back and it's very clever!
I'm exhausted...end of year stuff at school...and runnung ragged...so subtlety is easily lost on me these days. (I've hardly even posted here the past week it seems.)I only have all this time today 'cause I'm on hold taking care of all those crummy things that go along with paying bills/running a household. At least I have my pals at "nanny cam" (as my husband calls it) to keep me company1 ;)
Next week will be better.

mpp said...

LOL ... I hope next week is better for all of us.
I'm ready to start over!

Anonymous said...

224,
yes that is what you do.
i also like to take a cup of maynaise, micro-wave it and then hide it somewhere. you can use more than one cup and place them in different hiding places. sometimes i do that if my bosses just acted up or sassed me. for every action there is an equal and punishing reaction. I also like to take tissues and leave a combination of cleer soft soap and white tooth-paste in it. you could use egg-white too. you put that in the tissue and leave it somewhere to freak wifey out. another thing is once my bosses told me not to use the master bathroom. i wouldnt have anyway but i didnt appreciate the tone. so i get a wad of toilet paper and bunch it up. then i dab the toilet paper in a mix up of soy sauce and paenut butter. sometimes i put a piece of corn on it to add a texture. and i leave it wadded next to the master bathroom toilet. she thinks he did it. he thinks she did it.

there are lots of ways to punish messy bosses.

I had to deal with the same thing as the diaper genie. what you do is empty like they say. most people dont use em right and just shove their hand down the shoot and push the diaper down. so you smear poop on the inner sleeve so it will get on his hand.

Anonymous said...

6:28 Imagine what that creative mind of yours could do if used for good.

Anonymous said...

LMFAO!!!!
For Real, 9:57.
You are pathetic, 6:28!

Anonymous said...

6:28 is why NOBODY comes in my house!

I once nannied for 2 gay guys.
They got into a fight one day, and I saw the one take the others toothbrush and SCRUB the toilet with it!
He then gave me $20 and said to keep my mouth shut.
Not that I wanted the money, but I was too SCARED to say anything to the BF.

Some people! If I don't trust you, you ain't coming in.

OP Here said...

Today I get there and all is well. House is a mess still (I haven't touched their stuff since she said something to me, just the baby's stuff). She goes off to work, and I go about my day. I go to change the baby, and what do I find? Well a diaper genie that had no bag any longer. Apparently it ran out sometime after I left yesterday, and instead of replacing it, they just kept throwing dirty diapers in. So I put a new bag in, but didn't empty out what was in there. I left a note taped to the fridge that said "The diaper genie ran out sometime yesterday I see, so I put a new bag in it, but the diapers that weren't in a bad are still in there, so you might want to clean it out at some point"

I had already had enough bad news a few days before, so this wasnt the week for them to try to make it seem like they do everything on their own.

mpp said...

LOL, I don't mean to laugh - but good for you!
They deserved it.

PRS said...

I would probably fire me nanny if she pulled that sort of stunt, 4:33. The diaper genie is well within the realm of nanny responsibilities. Does the family you work for do baby's laundry on the weekend or do you do it all on Monday? And don't you dare say you don't do baby's laundry because when the children are under 1.5, nannies have a lot of down time!

Anonymous said...

PRS-I too would have an issue with my nanny if she didn't empty the diaper genie, but I was clear during the interview process that I consider emptying the diaper genie part of cleaning up after the kids. The OP was told that all she had to do was rinse out spoons and bowls, so she is right not to do it. Besides, putting dirty diapers into the genie with no bag is disgusting--very unsanitary. They must be major slobs to do that.

Janet E. said...

Haha 6:28, I once did the same with an ex room mate of mine. She was so gross, she'd get drunk and use MY bathroom and leave her vomit and crap marks all over the toilet. So I would clean it up with her toothbrush and watch her brush her teeth with it the next day. I know it's gross- but people like that deserve it.

mom said...

OP, the diaper Genie may have been funny...but you are probably going to find come Monday morning that they were not amused by the note...which they will probably consider a sort of "screw you" from you to them. You might have simply put a bag in and pretended you didn't see the diapers they threw in underneath. Now they are going to know you are playing passive aggressive games with them (which is what they are doing with you by putting the diapers in an empty pail)...and doing it with a duty that is part of your job description wasn't the best place to start.
If they say anything about the note, simply apologize and say you were having a bad day. Change the Diaper Genie bag everyday before you go, no matter how full or empty it seems to you, since it seems to be an issue with them, and probably not one worth losing your job over.

The jobs you should be leaving undone at the end of the day are ONLY the ones that are set apart completely from your job...like their family dishes and messes.

I am concerned that they started a cold war and you escalated it with that note.

Hopefully this can all be worked out with a good sit down conversation...and soon.

Anonymous said...

628-
your boss sassed you?
I love it!

Leelee said...

I have just gotten home from work and I'm dealing with the same thing. The mom I work for can't even throw her own NAPKINS in the garbage. She will throw it on the counter right in front of the garbage but won't throw it in. She can't put her spoons in the dishwasher, she just leaves them on the countertop too. Now there are dinner dishes in the sink when I arrive in the morning and compost in the sink when the compost bucket is on the kitchen counter. It's just laziness and it bugs me.

chick said...

Well, OP, hopefully the Diaper Genie issue won't come back to bite you.

If you get another chance, and want to handle it differently, you might clean the genie out completely, and then leave a note that you noticed they had not been able to find a new bag/roll to use and you have replaced it and they can find the bag/roll in xyz place when they need one. Makes your point, but without any passive-aggressive taint.

In your next position, if the cleaning issue does bother you, try to find people why have the same level of tolerance for mess that you have. Chances are they will be less likely to leave the house a pit.

Anonymous said...

Guess what? Many employers don't give two sh*ts how their nanny feels about anything! They don't care if they burden the nanny with too much work. They don't care if their nanny is exhausted or has her feelings hurt by some insensitive remark they make. All they care about is their own comfort and convenience. All they care about is keeping their kids "managed" so the employers can go about their daily self-indulgent nonsense.
This is reality. Accept it, pray you'll be blessed by a good employer and do your best.

marypoppin'pills said...

I understand that a diaper genie is in the "job description", but I am so tired of seeing Employers take advantage of Nannies, i.e. housekeeping duties.

I don't know why, but it just rubs me the wrong way, and it's the one thing that'll set me off.

Anyway, even though a Nanny may have the best of intentions, the smartest thing to do if your lucky enough to get a job that doesn't make you do the dishes and vacuuming ... is don't start out by going above and beyond your Nanny duties because then your Employer becomes complacent, and begins to expect it of you.

mom said...

Oh I understand WHY she did the Diaper Genie thing. No doubt it was kind of a "last straw" situation. I'm just afraid that with a whole weekend to stew over it the employers might be a bit ticked off by Monday. These people are rude...but nanny has a better chance of getting her point across and ending up with the result she wants (her job intact and relief from the squalor)if she doesn't play at their level.

I do agree with what some wise person above said. Quitting is not always the best first idea. There is likely never a PERFECT job, and if people just learn to speak up and negotiate maturely I'll bet a lot of these situations can work out nicely in the end...instead of perpetual job hunting.

Anonymous said...

another thing i would suggest is throwing away 10 diaper genie bags for every one that you replace. remember every action has to have a punishment and those bags are expensive.

And I would wait til the baby was next to the beer bottles/mess or put her in the mix and take pictures of it. you dont have to use the pictures but if they mess with you you have pictures showing their lazy alcolic ways.

And when doing dishes. Be clumsy. Chip and break things. Then they won't risk asking you. Load the dishwasher wrong. Put forks on the bottom of the dishwasher. It wont be worth the time to explain to you how to load a dishwasher so they will just do it.

Trust me. Ive been there and i currently dont have to do anything at all about housework. I was supposed to do laundry and did for awhile. Then I started washing laundry all together. And using no soap or all fabric softener or 4 scoops of soap. Then I would dry the clothes for four hours. just all day pass the dryer and turn it back on. The kids clotheses are expnesive and now the mom does it all on weekends and weds night.

win. win.

mom said...

I respectfully disagree.
The idea is to come to a satisfactory resolution...not have her employers think she is a clumsy dolt, lacking even two brain cells to rub to gether to form a coherent thought. If I had someone watching my child who seemed to be so dim witted that they couldn't successfully do laundry or wash a dish I would probably not keep her on long...or give her a good recommendation. Not because I would want her to be a housekeeper, but because I would think she lacked intelligence and common sense. Not good qualities in a childcare employee.

OP, you want your employer to think you are a prize nanny, so BE one. Just don't clean their house. It's that simple. And don't stoop to throwing their expensive Diaper Genie bags away. A prize nanny is not that childish. Do a job you can feel good about yourself for doing. Do the job you would want somebody to do for you. Expect your employers to treat you well because you have EARNED it...not because you have manipulated and terrorized them into it. Then, no matter what happens, you can at least hold you head up high.

This is what I always tell my kids about stooping to somebody else's level, "Don't let somebody else's bad behavior tempt you to become something that you are not...because then they really have won."

Really, TALK TO THEM about this. Apologize about the note and tell them WHY you are so frustrated...in a mature adult tone of voice.

OP here said...

Mom, I thought about all your advice, and I called my boss last night. I told her I was sorry for the note, that it had just been a very long week (the baby has 4 new teeth coming in and has not stopped crying really, and hasn't slept much), and that I was really ashamed of it. She accepted my apology, said SHE was sorry for not replacing the bag, and that when she was a nanny all the things she and I have talked about used to annoy her.

We had a long talk. We seemed to have worked some things out, so thats good. Thanks Mom for all the great advice.

mom said...

OP That is so COOL! I'll bet you feel relieved and a lot better about going to your job on Monday. And by being mature you didn't put the mom on the defensive and she was willing to look at things from your perspective.
I had a feeling you were one of the GOOD, mature nannies. Now your employer knows it even more than she might have before.

Anonymous said...

My background is in preschool and I have a degree in Early Childhood Education. I am now a kindergarten teacher. Having had five long term nanny jobs over the years- I would have to say to get everything in writing. I mean you must make a contract down to the last little detail. It is sad that you have to do that but looking back at my experiences it would have helped. I, too, ended up taking on more and more tasks just to be helpful. Then it was expected of me and when the third baby came and the second dog also- I could not keep up with basically being the house manager/nanny/errands runner/laundress. The mom actually said when I suggested she get other help and let me nanny, "What do I look like, an employment agency?" I always trusted people at their word but more than once I was treated really bad because they went back on their word and then acted like I was trying to exploit them. (One job I had though the family would not let me do anything other than love and care for their child. The mom was very forceful about this and would feel bad if I did more. And she was a single mom so I wanted to do more constantly. She was really good with that boundary. We never had any problems. She also was very good with if she went on vacation she paid me. There was never any guilt about that. We are still very close. Good luck. Meet with the family if you can and review your duties. I never had much luck with that but I wish you more luck than I had. It is good to meet because otherwise the resentment can build. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Oh and the family I worked for that said the "employment agency" comment- the Dad drank heavily- so I can relate to the beer. Take care of yourself in this job. Seriously. Don't get drawn in to any dysfunction.

Anonymous said...

To the Terroristic nanny @ 10:37:

You are one sick puppy. I bet you thrive on secretly dreaming up ways to harass your Employers.
You are nothing but a Hand that rocks the Cradle psycho, and you should be in a Mental Hospital!

mpp said...

OP
You are very sweet to have come back with an update and showing appreciation, especially for Mom ... she has great advice.
I'm so glad you spoke up for yourself, and I hope things work out for you because you really do sound like an incredible Nanny!

Best wishes to you!

made my day said...

To the OP,
I'm really proud and glad to hear you worked things out with your employer!
Here's hoping that things don't start sliding downhill again and they don't start expecting unrealistic things or taking your for granted.
Best of luck with everything!

Anonymous said...

Maybe the 10;37 nanny is the part time babysitter from the thread above!

erics mom said...

LOL 10:37

I thought it was funny what you wrote. People on here need to loosen up. You act like a bunch of old farts!

Anonymous said...

See, I don't think 10:37 was intending to be funny.
For whatever reason she's pissed, and I think she's being serious.

Anonymous said...

I used to work for a family who were complete slobs. They expected me to do the laundry they accumulated over the weekend, walk their dog, feed their birds and fish, take their trash cans to the curb and a number of other non-nanny related things.
I was really young and really gullible, so it took some time before I'd had enough and quit.
They were also Scientologists, so I should have known they'd be nuts.

Lizzie said...

If in the contract it said your responsibilities were to just clean the bowls, spoons and take care of the baby, maybe the diaper genie wouldn't be included, but at the same time...it is baby related, so it would just make them all the happier if you went above and beyond.

However, I know how you feel. The last people I nannied for, not my current family, but they would expect me to leave their house in better conditions then they keep it while they're there, and i'd come in in the mornings to a bunch of dishes, the living room a pigstye and the kid's bedrooms torn apart. Its stressful, I know. Especially when your employers expect you to have it spotless by the time they get home.

Just clean up the kids messes, leave the rest for your employer to clean. If you know how to clean it...chances are that they do it. But if you clean it for them, they're going to take advantage of that. Don't let them.

Lizzie said...

10:37.....are you for real? Wouldn't it have been easier for you to just talk to them about it???? I don't think this is funny at all, she does not seem like she's joking one bit. I think this shows complete disrespect for the employer and shows that maybe you should get a different job.