Received Friday, March 14, 2008-My Story
Two weeks ago today I had a miscarriage. I have been working as a loyal, over-achieving nanny with my current family for 13 months. As of last night I've been 'let go' because I am not my 100% perky/positive self.
36 comments:
Dear OP, I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I know how heartbreaking that can be, and how hard on body, mind, and spirit. It takes time to heal.
Your employer sounds cold-hearted and self-serving, completely lacking in compassion. You're better off without them. If you were paid "on the books", you might qualify for Unemployment benefits. I seriously doubt "not being perky enough" qualifies as "just cause" for termination. I wish you well in finding an employer with a heart, one that appreciates all you do for them and their children.
How awful for you, I am so sorry.
I have been through it myself, and there is nothing anybody can do to make it better. The only thing that will heal you is time.
The Family that let you go is infinitely cruel and insensitive.
I wish I had the words to express the disdain I feel towards them for you.
Please take this time to heal yourself spiritually and emotionally. When you are ready, find a Family that has some compassion.
OP, How horrid for you! Please accept my heartfelt sympathy.
If your heartless employers knew anything about life they would know that people who suffer a miscarriage often go through a depression very similar to post-partum. This is due to the sudden
hormonal changes plus the psychological issues. Please talk to your doctor, they may be able to help.
Don't worry as Lennon said "instant karma's gonna get you" In their case, it's them!
Good luck OP!
Did they actually say that to you when they let you go? What balls!
Did you tell your employers about it? You should if you haven't
Damn, I couldn't even imagine...my heart goes out to you...miscarriage must be in the top 3 WORST things anyone can ever go through.
I'm sorry you had to have that happen to you...
So, I assume that they knew you miscarried? It's frightening how cruel people can be...this IS one of those cases that you'd like to believe that karma truly does exist. For your sake, I hope it does.
I'm so sorry. My first instinct is to tell you to write them a long nasty letter, but honestly with people like them you just have to move on. Your life is much bigger than that job and I hope you are able to find a wonderful family to work for that treats you with respect and kindness. Good luck to you and take care of yourself.
Miscarriages aren't that bad. I have no sympathy for woman when she has one. Big freakin deal. That is the fact of life. I have had many many many miscarriages. And never any kids. Nature knows when there is something wrong. Consider it a blessing in disguise. When nature does that it is to rid of the less than prefect. Try again, and hopefully your new employer won't be so stupid. You have to look past the saddness and know that it was for the best. If this is your first one then I can imagine you are sad. I have learned to shut those emotions off especailly at work. Life goes on... and you will get another chance to make new life. There is nothing wrong with you, you are healthy and that is what matters most
10:53-?
You're right. Apparently "nature" realizes what a horrible mother you would make.
OP- My heart goes out to you. But you are better off without a family like this; they are ruthless. May you feel the support of friends and family at this time, all the best.
10:59-Lol, thanks for the smile!
Yes, my employers knew about the miscarriage.
10:53
Bitter much?
I'm so sorry for your loss. You have every right to mourn and recover, and this family is despicable for firing you with this cause. My guess is that they wanted to fire you anyway (money trouble?) and were looking for any reason to place the blame on you to cover for themselves. I know it doesn't help much to hear it, but you are definitely better off without them. I'm sure you'll find a family who appreciates your hard work and loyalty. And when you do, you'll look back on this family be glad you got as far away from them as possible.
10:53's issues go far beyond bitterness. She sounds delusional and schizo.
What a bizarre thing to say...almost creepy.
Some people should never even attempt to breed.
10:53- case in point. Maybe its her ex employers in an anonymous disguise.
they will be cursed with bad nannies from here on out
I am so very sorry for your loss, and am truly disgusted by your employer's behaviour.
Best of luck finding a new family that DESERVES to have you!
First, I am truly sorry about your miscarriage (and I do know more than I wish about them!). Second, it is probably a good thing that you and your employers part ways. I think the situation has made them feel awkward, maybe worried and they did not know how to adress it. You are obviously better off without them
but it is certainly a lot to take in a short time.
First, I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage. That must be truly awful, and I hope you'll feel better in time.
Second, your boss is an ***hole. Of course your not perky! The jerk should have given you time off to greive, and I'm sorry that you've had such a bad experience.
OP, I'm so sorry for your loss. (Been there myself...five times...and have three fantastic kids.) Don't feel bad for being depressed. It's perfectly normal and you need to grieve for the little child you had already come to love. I happened upon a support group at one point...went to only one meeting...but that meeting did a WORLD of good. You might check with your local hospitals and I'll bet there's one near you, if you are interested.
I'm dumbfounded at your employers' heartlessness. I don't even know what to say about that.
I also hate when people say it was for the best and your baby probably wouldn't have been perfect. How does anybody know that you might have loved your child even if he was imperfect? I know I would have. That's just a cruel statement in my opinion. Nobody who has a miscarriage is going to believe they have been "blessed!"
10:53, Your comments are cruel and heartless. However, I do feel sorry for you because obviously so much pain and disappointment have hardened your heart and left you bitter. I suppose that's understandable...but it's not excusable for you to be hurtful to others because of it. You really ought to see somebody so that you can start to recover emotionally from all you have endured.
That's absolutely disgraceful behaviour on their part! They deserve nothing but contempt.
I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you all the luck in the future.
10:53- perhaps YOU are what people refer to when they say someone was not "meant" to have children. You are cruel, bitter and mean.
OP- I am so sorry. I had a miscarriage once and now have three healthy children with no complications. Please do not be alarmed by Bitter Non-Mom's response. If you want to have children, you will.
As for the employers, I agree it is best to move on. The whole thing makes me so sad- for you, the kids and the parents who obviously are so selfish.
What disgusting people.
At least they have the good sense to hire someone to raise their kids.
Ick. Imagine what they might churn out on their own.
sorry for your loss. :(
you are better off with out those rotten employers. what jerks!
OP
Just to touch a little more on the subject that 'Mom' brought up.
One of the meanest things said to me after I lost my first son:
"Don't worry, you can have another one".
I was completely incensed. I told this person:
"I don't want another baby, I wanted this baby!"
I don't know if some people just don't know what their supposed to say or even how to react if they've never dealt with death directly ... but the best thing to say is the simplest:
"I'm sorry for your loss".
To 10:53
I don't know if you're so callous because of what you went through, or in spite of it, but I truly hope you get some help.
The Nanny that wrote this post came here for some compassion, and your comment was nothing but mean and tactless.
Im sorry to hear of your loss. I hope you heal emotionally. Be strong and don't let these people hurt you more. You deserve better!
xxx
I am so sad for you. Each baby is wonderful and unique and there is no replacing the loss you have endured. Please find a support group and give yourself the time to grieve, heal and find joy again. It's bad now, but with time and help, it will get less painful.
As for your former employers, I am appalled that anyone could be so heartless. There are good employers out there (I try hard to be one of them) and I don't understand how anyone could be so cruel.
first of all...i am so sorry about your miscarriage.
second. it's really this simple: if your family fired you for not being as perky rather than taking the time to ask you if everything was ok? then they DONT deserve you. when one door closes, another opens. hang in there.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby.
I realized years ago nanny employers simply do not care about their nannies. I am always so sad for the girls who claim "I'm like a member of the family!" You're not. One thing like what happened to OP, that takes away from THEIR needs, and the whole situation changes. That's not family. Would you put your family out on the street after a miscarriage/serious illness/pregnancy, etc? No, but again and again, employers are doing that to nannies.
My hardest realizations of that were when I'd lose a family member, and the first thing the nanny family would ask would be "you're not taking time off are you?" or, "well, you'll still be able to pick up the kids, right?"
In my opinion and experience, the employers do not care about the nannies themselves, they care only about the job they are doing. YOU and who YOU are does not matter to them. Sad, but often true.
OP, I am so very sorry for your loss, and the actions of your employers. Definitely file for unemployment, and hell, consult an attorney to see about suing for mental distress!
mpp/5:15,your story reminds me of something similar that happened to my mother 40 some years ago, when she and my dad lost their first baby after premature birth at 7 months. Some woman in their church (who, according to mom, "dropped a new kid every year, like a dog") told mom the first time she saw her, about a week after the baby died, "You can just have another one, it's no big deal."
My mom cries everytime she tells that story, and she says the only person she hates enough to wish dead is that woman.
10:53, seek help hun, and I'm not saying that in an attempt to be catty, I'm honest to God serious. Your statements do not sound healthy, rational, or emotionally stable. Even the fact that you have the ability to just "shut down your emotions", and devalue human life to such a degree is enough to send out such strong warning signals that I cringe. "Shutting down", and teaching ones self to become cold, bitter and uncaring is never the answer, and will lead to nothing but sorrow. Next time, keep your ridiculously cruel comments to yourself, and at least attempt to pretend that your heart does more than just pump blood.
OP, not to be a broken record, but I too am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you! Your employers are not good people, and obviously lack the basic human function-that of caring. I'm so sorry you got stuck with them, and I'm more than positive that you are better off without them and WILL find something FAR, FAR better!
I wish you years and years of happiness!
It is painful. I can't forget the comment that was made to me either.
I'm usually careful now about what personal info I put out there because I've seen it used against other posters, but I'm going to go ahead and open myself up a little further here.
I carried to the end of the 7th mo. and I lost him because of a blood clot in his umbilical cord - he wasn't getting enough oxygen and died. After I lost him I found myself having to take Valium just to get through the day.
At the time, they didn't have any answers for us, and I didn't know the reason why until I finally went and got a copy of my records because we were just so devastated about it and had to know what happened.
It took several months to pull myself together, and my life had basically been put on hold. I finally went in for some counseling and it helped so much.
I know most people mean well ... but I honestly wish for those that don't know what to say, just don't say anything.
I'm sorry you're Mom still hurts so much, Chick.
I know exactly how she feels.
Just wondering...is it legal to fire someone because they're "less perky" due to an illness or (in this case) a miscarriage?
Isn't a miscarriage also a death in the family?
Why do I feel like this nanny should consult an attorney, just to make sure her dismissal was legal?
Bless you, MaryPP :)
I'm very sorry for your loss :-(
10:53 is more than likely a psychopath who has never endured a miscarriage, but has probably lied about it to many a boyfriend. That's the vibe I'm getting off of her stinky post.
My heart went out to the OP when she sent me this story. Thank you all who offered words of comfort the OP. I was especially touched by those of you who shared your own stories, painful as they were to read.
To 8:57...You claim that no employers at all care for their nanny...I disagree. While I am not a member of the family I nanny for, nor would I want to be, they definitely are good and caring people. Hell, I had a pet bunny that I really loved and I needed to take him to the vet and he ended up dying and my employer gave me the day off. I think that is pretty kind.
Post a Comment