Received Thursday, February 7, 2008
Hi. I just wanted to make mention of something I saw earlier this afternoon today, (1/7). It was about 3 in the afternoon and I was with my son when I noticed a young Polish nanny or au pair arrive at the playground. She was frenzied in her pace. She took off the child's outer jacket. And she literally plopped the child in front of a hippo and took her picture with the hippo. I didn't pay much attention but her phone rang about 30 seconds later. The caller seemed to be the child's mother. The nanny/au pair reported to the mother that it was getting colder by the minute and that "Ruby" was pretty worn out so they were just about to leave the park. The nanny/au pair was putting on the child's outer jacket as she was talking to her. The child was under 3 with dark hair cut very blunt in back. She was wearing a white ski jacket over a blue and white denim jacket with embroidery. She was also wearing little boots that had tie ups over the boot. The boots were tan and the tie up was a dark brown. The girl's name was Ruby. The nanny was pin thin and had a fairly plain but attractive face. The call was clearly made with the intent to deceive the child's mother, not too mention the way she dragged that child around was really unnecessary! Nanny wearing black north face jacket and had light brown hair.
51 comments:
Hmm isn't that weird?
I wonder what the nanny had been doing for the hour or however long she was supposedly at the park? And what will she do once her charge is old enough to really explain to her parents that nanny isn't actually doing what she says she is?
I like how she took the picture to prove they had been there! Maybe the family has had issue with this in the past and so they require proof now? Odd...
Of course we could always be very optimistic and pretend that maybe the nanny had been compiling a valentine's day suprise from the child for the parents and that's why she pretended to have been at the park for a while, but that seems very unlikely!
Of course it's unlikely. But it's always nice to try and add a positive note.
What we have is a Nanny deceiving a childs Parents. If she is willing to lie about something like that ... what else is she lying about?
Personally, it would really piss me off to have my child out with their Nanny and not actually know where they are, and not have their time accounted for. I don't know what my child is being exposed to, and this is really wrong.
I hope the Mom sees this because she sounds like she would be no-nonsense, and this would probably really upset her, too.
What I don't get is ... if the Nanny has to provide a pic to 'prove' an outing with the child, does that mean this has been a prior issue?
It sounds as if Mom may have her guard up?
And evidently with good reason.
The scary thing is some nannies do stuff like this just in advance. And they never get caught. My sister in law found out that all of the artwork she thought her twins were doing and all of the brownies they were baking- it was all done by the nanny. Solo. As part of a ruse. She could whip off a few pictures and a craft and even a snowman while she left the twins napping (for too long) or in front of the boob tube. If I told you how she caught the nanny, well let's say thank goodness for nosy neighbors!
heehee, Brenda. but, yes, thank goodness for nosy neighbors.
it just breaks my heart to read these true encounters of inadequate, uncaring and often times, abusive nannies. i'm terrified to send my little guy to school. he might have to go sooner than planned, since i know i will need some time after the other baby comes. thank goodness he just loves to talk so i am confident he will report his daily happenings to me.
how does one let go?
I'd like to point out two things:
1) We don't know if this nanny and child had really been at another area of the park (or another park altogether).
2) The OP did not say that the nanny claimed to have been at the park for any period of time, only that they were now leaving.
3) The OP said, "the call was clearly made with the intent to deceive the mother" but the nanny did not make the call! The mother (if it was the mother) called the nanny.
Honestly, none of us know what had gone on in this nanny & child's day. It seems like quite a jump for the OP to make to assume that she was deliberately deceiving her employer
Kate-
Aren't you a nanny? I'm a nanny in CA and I don't see it as such a far jump. Nanny send photos of child to parent during the day to let the parents know what the child is up to. The parent then calls to say hi or something. Yes it is a jump, but maybe the person reporting this picked up on more. I mean she encapsulated what she witnessed in 50 words or so. I'm just saying, as a nanny- I've seen a whole lot of very bad nannies.
Pasedena mom
How old is your son?
When mine was 4 I entered him into a Private Pre-School, mainly because I needed to prepare him for Kindergarten and he had never spent one day with a Caregiver, outside of Family. It was so hard but I think it did him a world of good.
He was ahead in every intellectual capacity ... but Socially? Very immature. He wasn't a cry baby or anything, but he was a slightly spoiled only child.
He struggled a little at first but now at 6 y.o., he's very well-liked and gets along beautifully with his peers.
You will probably experience some 'separation anxiety' (notice I said "you") .... but your little guy?
He will be over it as soon as he sees all the other little kids. Most do much better than what their Parents give them credit for.
WE are the ones that fall apart!
Good luck! And ENJOY your new baby!
♥
When my son was 3 (I'm a SAHM) you wouldn't believe the badgering I got from other parents because I hadn't put my kid in preschool (I guess it starts at 3 now?).
I was told he would suffer from not having the advantage of an early education. I say bull because my son did just fine.
Why do they start sooo early now? What about the bonding with your family as long as possible? Why the hurry to shoo the kid out the door.
It doesn't make sense, and I don't think it's right.
4-5 y.o. is young enough.
3 is just ridiculous!
Most of the mothers in my area have their children in a 2's program. Yes- 2!
Nanny in CA: Yes, I am a nanny.
Last year I made a photobook for a birthday present for one of the kids I take care of. I took pictures of her with various things from the neighborhood, one for each letter.
I could totally imagine myself in this nanny's position. I've spent a long day out with my charge, but I want to get the book printed tonight and I'm missing a pic for H. So, I bundle her up and head out to the Hippo park to take that one last picture before heading home. As I finish taking the picture her mom calls and I let her know we're coming home soon.
Obviously, that's what might happen in my life, but wouldn't it look just the same as what the OP witnessed? I'm not saying that I think this nanny is innocent, I'm saying that it doesn't sound like the OP really saw enough to justify thinking that she's sinister and deceptive.
Actually, my 17 month old just went through a long series of evaluations for early intervention, because my pediatrician was concerned that he was not developing any language skills. The evaluator who checked his cognitive and physical development and the social worker both recommended I enter him into a 2 years old preschool program come the fall. It is only 2 hours 2 days a week, but they felt being around other children his own age on a more regular basis would be good for him.
Kate
You are just plain silly. Please stop trying to justify bad behavior, ok?
Your inane made up stories only happen in your little concocted world.
9:54
You have extenuating circumstances and it is completely reasonable for your child to be schooled starting at 2.
Make sure you read to your child every night, without fail. Something so simple ... and it could make such a big difference.
I had a problem such as yours and I think it really helped him build his language and cognitive skills.
Believe it or not, the recommended reading was "Dr. Suess" - because of the repetitiveness of the words.
Good luck!
I am doing the same thing for the father of my charge's birthday. I am taking them to various locations I have previously scouted out that I think would make a good picture. Sometimes we stop for a moment in a park or other scenic setting to snap a picture and sometimes we may stay, if we have time. Between picking my charges up from 2 different schools and all the various after school activities they have, it's a pretty difficult task to get enough cute pictures for the book. If witnessed by an outsider, I too, could be this nanny!
Also, at another job I had, the mom was a real stage mom and part of my job was to take photos of her daughter at various locations. Natural shots to be used to enter her kids in beauty contests or for commercial parts. Since I took photography in school and have decent photo equipment, she just paid me for supplies and a little extra for the effort.
I too, am not saying this nanny is innocent. But photo books and gifts are common and inexpensive gifts that are usually treasured by the parents and grandparents.
Mostly I agree with 9:25, EXCEPT, of course, when there are extenuating circumstances like 9:54has experienced. Every child is different, so no one thing is right for 100% of kids.
But Cali Mom, you sound like much the same kind of mom I was when mine were small. Am I correct in picturing you as a mom who takes your little guy most everywhere with you, plays with him, reads to him, and makes sure he gets plenty of time to play outdoors, as well as with other children his age? If you are already doing all of these things with him, he does not necessarily need to be in an early school environment before kindergarten. He is already experiencing everything they do, except he is getting personal attention instead of being herded along in a group with little to no personal attention, and no opportunity for flexibility should he become tired, cranky or hungry off of the group schedule. (This is if you put him in a "preschool type" situation...even half a day.) In my opinion, there is plenty of time for them to learn to be part of a group and become flexible to the needs of a large group in kindergarten, when they are a little bit older and more "mature."(Obviously, "mature" is very relative in this instance.) And, I would be very cautious, if I were you, about the timing of sending your first son "away" (which is how he may very likely view it in his little mind)for any reason having to do with your new baby. Baby will never know he is sharing time with a sibling...but big brother will be all too aware of that disturbilg little fact and will probably be extra, extra sensitive...especially if he gets it into his mind that you are sending him away because he is now "in the way," or because he thinks you want him gone so you will have more time to "play with the new baby instead." In his little mind, he's your number one little guy and the two of you are the dynamic duo.
I will tell you two experiences I had with my sons on this issue.
With my first son I never considered preschool until he was three years old and I was pregnant with my second son....and pretty much restricted to bed for the first five months. Feeling very sorry for my little guy, who was behaving like such an angel, but trapped in the house all day long, I enrolled him in a half day preschool just three days a week. He said every day that he didn't want to go. The school told me he spent an inordinate amount of time crying, but that it was probably separation anxiety and would go away. (What did I know? So I believed that and kept on sending him.) They recommended I send him five days a week so it would become his "routine" and he would eventually think nothing of it. I called the pediatrician who thought sending him more often to a place he didn't want to be was a BAD idea, so I stayed with the three half days. He took a little boy Cabbage Patch doll with him each day (a doll that he loved and treated as his "child"), and one day they reported to me that he was banging his doll's head against the wall. I knew then for sure that it was much more than separation anxiety and that something was bothering him terribly. As I laid in his little bed with him that night before he went to sleep I managed to finally, gently coax some real information from him about how he was feeling. Sure enough, it was very bad timing for me to have "sent him away" for any reason relating to the arrival of a new child.
I made no attempt to send my second son to preschool after that experience. And he was fine because we spent mush of each day outside and playing with other children. But as soon as we moved to Texas there was this whole new mentality where kids had to be "preped" for kindergarten well in advance so they could be the smartes of all thier classmates by age 5. Person after person told me that I neede to enroll him in preschool immediately, for a variety of different reasons, that all seemed rather silly to me. My favorite was that he needed to be used to being away from me so he wouldn't cry the first few days of kidergarten. I wondered what valuable curriculum he might miss if he cried for the first few mornings of kindergarten anyway. (BTW, none of my three cried at kindergarten...but I suppose if they had I might have one or two less scribbled pictures of frogs and boats upstairs in my memento boxes right now...big whoop.)This non-prepped child was immediatley flagged for the gifted program, has won tons of academic awards and just placed at the top of his class on the SAT. I don't think he suffered. And he got to grow up as a "child," not as my project with us trying at every turn to hone him into the model student.
(Big bro did well too, now contemplating either law school or PhD in history.) NO need to shove a computer under your child's arm at age 3, people. They have their whole lives to fight in the rat race and only a few short years to be a child and carefree and not concerned with whether somebody else is better than, or ahead of, them.
Now, I did have my children in certain classes and activities, which they enjoyed and were wonderful. There is a wonderful Science Place here in Dallas. MY younger ones took a class there one morning a week. There was also drama school where the kids got all dressed up in costumes and acted out stories as the teacher read them. We did this once a week. Storytime was always "school" to them, and they loved it. Gymboree was loved by all three. Tot cooking was taught by the city recreation program. (Check out your citiy programs moms. There are often incredible kids classes...and cheap too. The library may have this information, or contact your city hall to find out where to look.) YMCA sports are a great way to introduce little ones ot several different sports on a not too competetive level and see which ones they really enjoy.
And while one child was enjoying an activity (most of these are usualy an hour or so in length) I brought the other kid(s) along and had special time playing with them while we waited....either reading books, playing a game we had packed, or even learning to roller skate when we were at outdoor pacatices. When I had a infant to feed, I used to warm the baby food and pop it it tupperware before we left and I could spend a good long time feeding baby while big bro was occupied.
Anyway, just some thoughts and ideas.
Here is one more idea that we happened upon accidentally, but was one of the most incredible "tools' we had in communicating with our kids.
My boys each had a favorite fuzzy and friendly looking puppet. MY older son had a lamb he named "puppet" and younger son had a dog that he named "grocery store dog." (Obviously we started young wiht the puppets, as you can se eby the names they chose.)
My daughter loved and "trusted" both of the boys" puppets.
My husband especially loved to tell them stories using their puppets before bedtime.
So, you know how hard it is to get your child to tell you what's wrong sometimes....especially when they're kind of small? Or maybe they did something and have a little bit of a guilty conscience, and they want to get it off their chest but they are afraid you might get mad at them? You know something is wrong but they keep insisting there isn't? Well, one noght we were trying everything to get my oldest son to tell us what was wrong (he was probably somewhere around 3 or 4.) Finally, my husband, desperate said, "If you won't tell us, will you tell puppet?" He was all to eager and happy to spill his guts to puppet! We were sitting right there listening, but he didn't seem to even care or notice. I'm not kidding...every single time we put one of those puppets on our hands, any one of our kids was perfectly willing to bare his or her soul, and apparently felt very safe doing it.
Of course, obviously you don't want to yell at or punish your kids for anything they ever tell the puppet...no matter what. But ours were always willing for us to speak with them about whatever it was, even if we needed to correct them...kindly.
Try it. It's amazing. I hope it works for you!
Well, since OP only witnessed what she witnessed, we can't know exactly what was going on, but with that in mind, Kate's theories seem way more far fetched and convoluted that OP's suspicions. It seems to me pretty likely that nanny was trying to fabricate a scenario for the mom. (Or dad?)
As for preschool, in many areas, mine included, it takes a year of scouting, touring, applying and sometimes schmoozing to get accepted into any available preschool spot that is not a "home based daycare" setting with kids ranging from 6 months to 13 years where they basically hang around a babysitter's house all day. In other words, any good place. Some schools you literally have to know someone whose kids go there and get personally recommended before they will even put you on a waiting list. AND many places only accept applications during a certain window of time in fall.
So when I decided I wanted to make sure my little guy had at least one school year of practice in a preschool setting before he started kindergarten, I had to start the process when he was only 3. As luck would have it, one of our top choices was the first place we saw, and they suddenly had an opening starting almost immediately, so we jumped on it. He goes 3 days a week, 3 hours a day, and he LOVES it. Yes, he loves playing with mommy and we are extremely bonded, but I think he's getting a very valuable experience in the school setting. And it's a cooperative, so I get to go to school with him one day almost every week and work at the school, so it's very involved for the parents as well. We are all 3 very happy with it.
And funny about Dr. Seuss. When he was turning 2, he had only a handful of words he said, though he was definitely very smart and understood everything. Someone gave him 3 of the books for his second birthday and within a few weeks, he was saying so many new words every day we lost track of them all and he was suddenly able to say anything he wanted to say. Now that he is recognizing some letters of the alphabet, these are great books for him to begin to read himself. ("I am Sam/Sam I Am/eggs and ham")
Cali mom,
I was writing my above post when you were writing yours. Obviously your preschool experience is working out well for you. Probably the fact that you are able to be there so much makes the transition all the better. Good for you.
I am having fun reading your posts this morning and remembering those fun days back when I was expecting the second...remembering the Dr. seuss books (some of which I can, frighteningly, still recite in part from memory!)
Here are a couple more ideas:
Since your son is learning letters now, try out Richard Scarry's Lowly Worm video about the alphabet. I don't remember the title, but Lowly shapes himself into every letter of the alphabet and, of course, teaches the kids what sound it makes. My son started reading on his own at age 4. One day he asked me how to read and I told him that you look at a word and, starting on the left, you make every letter sond in order until you hear the word. I htought no more about it. Two days later he was sitting on the stairs reading a little book out loud...very slowly...but correctly. I asked how he learned ot read and he said "You told me, remember?" Where did he learn all of the alphabet sounds? He loved that Richard Sacrry video.
Here is one more. (I hope I'm not torturing you with all of these this morning! You are just making me remember all of these things today!) As I said earlier, my oldest had a Canbbage patch boy that looked like him, and which he liked to take all around with him. (And, which, contrary to my in-laws' horror and constant admonitions, did NOT turn him gay.) Not long before baby #2 came along, we got big brother another "baby" Cabbag Patch to represent his second child (and some cabbage patch diapers, and a bottle.) So we each had two "children" and both of us took good care of our children together...showing that you can have more than one child and take care of both and that both are very special in their own ways. When my son was young and changing his future occupation from fireman to policeman to various superheroes on a daily basis, he ALWAYS said afterward, "and a Dad." It was so sweet.
One more: We got several books for my older son, wrapped them and hid them in the closet. Every time somebody appeared with a baby gift for just the baby, we had a little something for big bro to open too. Any way to avert jealousy early on helps.
mom
I think your post @ 12:41 may have been meant for "pasadena mom" and me (because of my response to her). Cali mom hadn't written before that.
I'm the poster @ 9:25.
"pasadena mom" is having a new baby. i don't think "cali mom" is?
mom:
"And, I would be very cautious, if I were you, about the timing of sending your first son "away" (which is how he may very likely view it in his little mind)for any reason having to do with your new baby. Baby will never know he is sharing time with a sibling.."
>>I'm so confused!<<
Who's writing who??
This is the Mom who was told pre-school was a good idea at 2 for my son by the Early Intervention evaluators. Thanks for the suggestion about Dr. Seuss--I'll try that. We used to read Winnie the Pooh stories, fairy tales and the like-things read with a quiet voice at bedtime-up until he was about a year old when we switched over to picture books (you know the ones with several photos and one big word under each) since we were trying to get him to point to things (which he was not doing at a year). Hopefully he will be approved for Early Intervention and the therapist will have some suggestions too.
Yikes! I was writing to Pasadena mom. I confused them b/c they're both from California and both spend a lot of time with their kids...and both are writing on this thread.
PLUS, I forgot to mention that raising all of those kids probably killed off half of my brain cells! (hehheee...not really...even though it feels like it sometimes!)
2:14
Have you tried the "Where's Spot" books? They are so cute. The one I remember most is where Spot (the dog) is playing hide and seek. There are flaps on every page that your child can turn up and look for Spot. Every one has a different animal underrneath, so you can teach him animal names and the sounds that they make.
Those were a real favorite...even before mine could talk.
You moms with little ones are making me miss those toddler years this morning! But I am at least having fun remembering the little moments so many of your posts bring to mind!
LOL, everyone beat me to it. Yes mom, I was really confused by your post befre I realized you had me confused with Pasadena Mom. I am NOT having any more babies. Sadly, I had life threatening complications in my first and only one and just can't risk my life in order to have a second one. But that's really OK, we have a great time with just me, him and daddy, and we couldn't have ended up with a more perfect little one if we had specified every aspect of him in advance.
Anyway, there is a HUGE difference between a little one being herded along in a group and not getting any individual attention or flexibility if he is hungry/cranky etc, and being gently exposed to the notion that "yes, I know you are having a wonderful time right now building with blocks and "cooking" in the dramatic play area, but it's time for everyone to sit in our circle and sing some songs, then have your snack, and after that you can either play with these things again or go outside to play". They learn to negotiate relationships, conflicts, compromise, communication, making friends on their own, sharing, defending their rights if it's THEIR turn with something, etc. If a child is TRULY hungry before snack time or lunch time (and we're only talking about a less than 2 hour window between them here), they can sit quietly next to one of the teachers and eat. The adult to child ratio is 4:1, with 4 parents and 2 teachers to a daily maximum of 24 kids, in 2 groups for the first half of the morning, and then combined. No one is shoving a computer under anyone's arm there! The "curriculum" is strictly play-based!
And interesting you should mention about your little boy and his 2 "babies". What a great idea! At the monthly school meeting just a couple of days ago, one topic was "gender issues", with exactly such scenarios as the ignorant comments from grandparents or peers about such things and how to consider or address them.
Cali Mom,
Even worse, I realize now that I was actually addressing parts of the posts by each you and Pasadena mom. I don't know if that makes me more or less loopy!
Your preschool sounds like a dream. Most do not seem to be that way and I do not think most treat the children with a lot of dignity. Enjoy it!
I'm sorry about your pregnancy difficulty. Thank God you and your son are both safe and that you have each other! Having a healthy child is truly a miracle in itself.
My in-laws were so nutso over the dolls! And, adding to their dismay, I had my mom sew a set of her personal "signature" hand made Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls for each child at birth, for both my sons and my daughter, with their names sewn in by hand over the hearts where it says "I love you." What a treasure to have such a thing from grandma to pass along someday, I thought. My In-laws were also extremely upset over this, even though they were really only used as nursery adornments because I want them to become heirlooms. Funny thing is...there are no boys anywhere that anybody could say are more "all boy" than mine.
That said, there is truly a gender preference for certain toys depending on sex in many cases. My boys, despite having a "child" (doll) of their own to which they were kind, played almost exclusively, by choice, with "boy" toys, and very loudly and roughly.
My daughter, despite having two older brothers and plenty of army men, trucks and parachute guys at her disposable, immensely preferred to play with her dolls, have tea parties and play dress up.
I did not push gender toys either way. All of the toys were simply "there" to be played with, or not. They just picked up what they wanted to play wih.
My old next door neighbor had two girls the same ages as my boys when we moved in (approx 2 and 6) I would stop over at her house and when she would answer her door a pair of little ballerinas wearing several strands of mardi gras beads each, crowns, boas and about 20 plastic bracelets on each arm, would tiptoe quietly out of the playroom and peek meekly from behind her legs to see who was at the door.
When she would happen over to my house, there would be plastic paratroopers divebombing over the upstairs walkway, cars and trucks careening around my legs, or a herd of cowboys galloping on horses with broomstick bodies. I could sense her horror, even though she tried ot hide it...and I would say something about boys just being different than girls.
Then she had a boy and I had a girl at about the same time. HA vindication! She would come to my door looking frazzled and my tiny ballerina would tiptoe out ever so sweetly to softly hug her leg. I would snicker and she would roll her eyes, knowing she was about to return home to the land of tiny Matchbox induced ankle bruises. She told me many times that she she had assumed (BEFORE she had a son of her own) that I was just not a very good mom compared to her...but that God had apparently wanted her to fully understand the truth about boys!
LOL, too funny about boys and girls. Yes, my little firefighter wears his fire gear practically EVERY day, and turns practically anything into a "firehose" but LOVES to play at home and school with the toy stove and food, ironing board, taking care of the baby dolls, and he has DOZENS of toy cars and trucks at home of all size and variety, which are in constant use, but occasionally wants to paint his nails (with acrylic paint!). And my sister's very masculine styled lesbian friend, who works in construction and ditched the no-good dad when her daughter was a baby, was somewhat bemused and probably a little disappointed that her daughter, at all of 18 months, insited on having her nails painted pink, and wanted to wear nothing but pink dresses and girly clothes, and played primarily with dolls and other "girl" toys. She is now a stunningly gorgeous, very "girly" feminine styled woman who is getting her graduate degree and entering into politics, but she still paints her nails and wears makeup every day! So the kids are just gonna be whatever they are gonna be.
Yes Cali Mom,
They are going to be what they are wired to be, and as long as we let them just pretend and imagine whatever the heck they want when they are small, nothing is going to change that.
That said, my friend has a beautiful daughter, the same age as mine. Her daughter did not care much for dolls, but would play with them with my daughter. But even in their play, the girls were very different. When taking their dolls from point A to point B, for instance, my daughter would cradle her doll lovingly, like a real baby. Her daughter would drag her doll along by the leg, letting its head thump along the ground and up and down the stairs. My friend (who is a fabulous mom, BTW) became somewhat concerned about her daughter's lack of "maternal instinct" and finally asked me if I thought there was any chance her daughter was gay...at about age 2 or 3. That made me laugh because her daughter is clearly feminine in every way...she just happens to not care a lot for dolls. She did love to play Mary Kate and Ashley (Pre-skank, thank goodness) with my daughter, as they looked like a pair of little blonde twins themselves. Today this little girl is 14, beautiful, very talented atletically and definitley not gay. So, while these general stereotypes are very often accurate, there are always perfectly normal exceptions.
PS That description I wrote earlier of the kind of mom you are, is how I imagine both you and Pasadena mom to be. You both sound very involved with your kids....which is one more reason I confuse the two of you.
I stay home for now, with my son. Hes two now. And hes going to start speech therapy this coming week, thru Early Invervention. Its a program in NJ, and its free for me. Twice a week. Everyone says its like a playdate for the child. I take Eric to storytime once a week at the library, and hes really getting social now. Hes getting into the free play there now, and when the librarian comes in for the last 15 minutes hes starting to copy what she does with her singing and movements. Kinda cool. Being animated helps my son with learning to talk it seems.
This post hardly says anything at all. They could have been in another part of the park. You can tell that the nanny is doing something wrong, just as much as you know she is talking to the mom. Purely speculation.
Mom and Cali mom
I had to jump on the "gender train". ☺
Every single time I take my son out shopping for a new toy or clothes, it's invariably the same thing each time. (I'm sure those of you with boys are going to sympathize).
I can't tell you how many times I go through the store ... pass the dozen or so racks of cute, frilly dresses (usually ALL pink) and come to the boys rack. I'm lucky if there are 2 or 3 of them.
Same with toys. There will be 4 or 5 aisles of girl stuff, and maybe 1 or 2 of boys.
I can't help but complain because it bothers me that boy items are often so limited, and I wonder why?
Oh, and another thing:
My son wanted "Build-a-Bear" for Christmas. So we took him down and did the whole cute "adding a member to our Family" thing.
When school lets back in, of course my son is just thrilled and wants to brag about his new "doll", Cuddles. And the BOYS started to tease him.
Thank goodness I was there Volunteering that day so I was quick to point out that my son had also picked a Football outfit to dress him in ... then suddenly, everything was cool.
I don't understand why Parents do this to their kids, otherwise they wouldn't know any different. And trust me, my son is all boy, and he will play with just about anything ... as long as it's not pink. (Don't know why, but that's fine.) It doesn't matter to him if it was meant for a girl or a boy.
We also never made an issue out of what he could play with, and obviously some of these other kids had been exposed to the different sexes and what was acceptable for them to play with.
I think it's a shame.
2:14
Hopefully the evaluators gave you plenty of ideas to help your son with until he gets approved. You sound like a very caring, involved Mom. Your son will do just fine ... he's very lucky to have you!
(I just went back and realized I must've hit 'anonymous' ... I'm 11:12 that recommended Dr. Suess.)
☺
5:45
We wish you the best of luck! I hope the program you enrolled your son in helps ... every bit does!
I had to hurry up and get dressed for work because this post started out talking about a nanny sounding like she wasn't a good nanny, and ended up with sending kids to school, etc. This subject hits close to home.
My nephew, who will be 4 on the 12th, lacks appropriate social skills, as well as cognitive skills, has no self help skills, and NO DISCIPLINE OR STRUCTURE. Dad has full custody of them, (the 4 and his 10 year old brother) Grandma is helping to raise them, and Grandma has the 4 year old on a pedastal. She dresses him, bathes him, changes his diaper, gives him a bottle of warm milk in the morning when he wakes up and when he goes to bed, does not read to him, play games with him, do crafts with him, and lets him watch TV all day long. And the 4 gets whatever he wants, whenever he wants. He will pick fights with his brother, his brother responds with "leave me alone" etc, or his brother will stand up for himself and Grandma yells at the older boy for picking a fight with his little brother, when, in reality, the 4 is the one who started the fight. The other day, the 4 was using "an outside voice inside", needless to say, he was being so loud to the point that Grandpa was upset. I took his toys away from him, and explained to him that he was being too loud. Grandma at that point comes downstairs, and picks a fight with me. I told her he (the 4 needed discipline, and nobody gives it to him and it's hard for people to be in this house when he is allowed to do whatever he wants) She then responded by calling me "a stupid b***h, blah blah blah don't ever talk bad about my grandchildren again!". She screamed at me, and kept screaming after that, and I didn't do anything. All I did was take away a toy from the 4 year old when he was being too loud with it, and it was upsetting Grandpa. The other day we had a blizzard, and I made snowflakes with the 10 year old. Grandma didn't want the 4 year old to do the project. Not sure why, she just didn't, and it was pretty hurtful to me, since all I try to do is help her with the kids. She is 61 years old, and I know how hard it is for her to raise them. (Dad works long and weird hours)
The TV is on from 6a-11p in this house, and the 4 spends 99.9% of his day in front of it. The 10 year old is in 4th grade and on a 1-2 grade reading level, only because when he was living with his mother, she kept moving from house to house, city to city, thereby ruining him cognitively. NOBODY will ask the 10 year old if he has homework except me, and if I am home when he gets home from school, I will make sure he does it. Dad and Grandma don't enforce anything when it comes to homework, and I don't want to see this 10 year old get held back because his mother screwed him out of an education.
As far as the 4 goes, Grandma won't let him out of her sight, nor will she let me take him anywhere, like to the library, etc. It's like she has to have him attatched to her hip, and when I offer to take him so that she can have a break, she says "no Grandparents and parents are the best thing for kids, not these schools. They don't do anything for them except care for them at a certain age when the parents are supposed to", or something like that. Is it me, or does Grandma have an unhealthy attatchment to her grandchild? Personally, I think this kid will have SERIOUS ISSUES come August of 2009, when he starts school. Separation anxiety, infantile behavior, temper tantrums, inability to make friends, inability to ajust to the classroom, poor judgement skills, lack of appropriate skills....are there any that I missed? Oh yeah, and Grandma says I lack common sense, and that I will never graduate college being close to 40. She also says college is a waste of time and money. Anyone think she might be jealous of me because I have done more in my life at 35 then what she accomplished at 35? As for the b***h comment, her middle son (my best friend) won't speak to her.
Wow did these comments go off track!
As to the original post- if it looks like a skunk and smells like a skunk, then most likely, it's a skunk. The OP via observing body language and hearing the nanny speak to the parent, is on track with her suspicions.
Sprak, I think you mean you THINK the OP is on track with her suspicions. Or are you all knowing and all seeing?
Misdee, you really need a new job. Grandma is abusive. And yes, she is harming the 4 year old. It never does a child any favors when it is outwardly favored over a sibling (or any other children for that matter), overindulged, treated like a baby (a 4 year old in diapers and drinking from a bottle, really?), or undisciplined.
MaryPP and Cali Mom (I HOPE I am remembering and responding to the right people today!) They just don't make as big a variety of toys or clothes for boys. (Face it, boys do actually have a more limited range of interests...as do men.) Yes, it was very frustrating for me too. But boy did I ever go hog wild when I had a girl! My husband even sort of encouraged me to go ahead and splurge on frilly dresses, shiny shoes and pretty dolls. I had a blast with all of the adorable anklet socks with ribbons, bows and beads at the cuff...even at the arm and a leg cost per pair. My husband said to me, "You'll never have another daughter. You'd better just enjoy it all you can." (Plus, I think he liked it as well, because every time we ever saw a little girl all dressed up before we had our daughter he would always point her out to me and I could see he was melting just a little bit inside.) I am so grateful for that advice because I so enjoyed fixing her hair and all of that...and after a time even little girls want to dress in jeans and t-shirts...ONLY. Now I am telling her on a nearly daily basis, "Scrape ALL of the eyeliner from under your eyes or I will wipe all of it from your entire eye myself." (I really don't know how she manages to get it all off with her eyes rolled so far back into her head. Apparently I am the "only mom who cares" if her daughter goes to school looking like the Bride of Dracula...or so I'm told anyway.)
MaryPP, Kids tried to tease my son in kindergaten because of his "son" (doll), "Patch." I was stunned and very proud one day when I heard him tell another child that he should not tease him because, as he said to the boy, "I'm just a dad, that's all." The boy looked at him, confused, and said, "That's just a doll, oyu know. It's not a real baby." And my son said, "I want to pretend he's real, and I am. And you should'nt tell me that he isn't." The other boy said "OK" and didn't tease him again. That was when he was five. When he was six, we moved. My husband had had just about enough of the doll and instructed me to have the movers put the doll into a box that was to be in storage for 6 months while our house was being built. (Thinking he would forget all about him and not play with him anymore after that.) I did it. This breaks my heart to think of still. When we arrived at our temporary home in Texas, the first thing my son did was run to his new room and ask me excitedly, "I can't wait to show Patch our new room! Where is he so I can show him?!" I knew instantly that I had made such a huge and heartless mistake. He took it surprisingly well...which only served to make me feel 1000000X worse! How incredibly thoughtless and terrible to have moved him away from everything he knew and hide his one little faithful "companion."
Another time I was incredibly proud of him was also in kindergarten, when some of the kids started chanting and teasing him when I gave him a kiss and hug goodbye last thing before he went into the classroom in the morning, as I always did. Afterward, I thought he had probably been very embarrassed and that I should have thought to let him be more "grown up" in front of his peers. So, the next morning as we were walking to school, I said to him, "Would you like me to give you your kiss here, before we turn the corner and all the other kids can see?" He said, "No, I'll just have it before I go inside, like always." I (being obviously less mature than my five year old) said, "But the kids might tease you again." He said, "That's OK. They just don't know that love is good." I realized then how we do condition our sons to hide love and affection...even as hard as we might think we are trying not to. (But apparently I didn't learn it well enough to stick up for him and Patch per the story above.)
Too bad for him probably at times that I was the parent and he was the child! But he's a geart person now, so I hopefully didn't do too much harm as we "grew up together." And we still today never part company without a kiss, a hug and an "I love you," or end a phone call without an "I love you." Never have, and I hope we never will.
MissDee
I am glad that both of those kids have you. Unfortunately, it may not be enough. Grandma's unhealthy fixation on the 4 y.o. is not only going to damage him, but the 10 y.o. as well because of the outward favoritism she shows. Too bad someone can't thump Granny in the skull to get her head on straight. Is there anyone else who is capable of intervening ... perhaps a best friend of hers or a respected member of her Church?
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3:50
Yes ... Sprak is all knowing and seeing, and we all bow down to her.
Hail, Sprak!
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Mom
The eyeliner is just a phase. It's really 'trendy' to spackle it all over your eyelids now, ala 'Amy Winehouse'. Personally, I think it's ugly ... but you know how kids are.
Do you ever go over with your son these stories that you tell us? Like the one about Patch? Does he get a kick out of it?
I must admit I'm guilty of the "let's hide our good-bye hug & kiss" because I don't want the other kids to tease. I try my best not to add to his stress ... they have a hard enough time without us butting in, you know. ☺
But he's still at that point where his affection from Mommy is more important than what his friends think ... so I think I will just enjoy it for now! ♥
Mom: I am not his nanny. I grew up with the uncle and father of these children, so they are extended family members to me. I've pointed out to Grandma that he needs to be off the bottle and she says, "it's his security". HOW is a bottle for a 4 year old SECURITY? I've told her that when I worked in daycare, my preschoolers could put on snowpants, boots, jackets, mittens, hat and scarf to go outside, and could change themselves if they had a potty accident. She responds with "well, I would've dressed them myself, since they are too slow." HOW does a child learn self help skills when everything is done for them? He is told to clean up, and then she yells at him for not cleaning up. Then SHE CLEANS, HE WATCHES. Oh bother! I'm living here until I move, which will be soon!!
MaryPoppins: Unfortunately, she has no friends and doesn't attend church. I've considered calling a school psychologist to see if they can come to the home and talk to her, and I have seriously considered contacting Supernanny. What goes on in this house is not right-I ask Grandma if she wants to go town to get out of the house and she says "no, we don't have any money to go to town and spend it foolishly," or "our kids are spoiled brats and now that we don't work anymore, we are broke," or some other comment. Now if her son needs to go to town, (the 4 and 10's father) she suddenly has money to go, and she'll be more than happy to go. It's almost as if she has an unhealthy attatchement to her youngest son. This is the same mother who got her older son something for Christmas, her younger son something for Christmas, her younger son's female friend an I Pod Nano, and the kids tons of toys. What did she get her middle son? Nothing.
I'm counting the days until I move, and I won't have to put up with her mouth anymore....
Thanks for noticing, MaryPP :-
As for you 350, I said exactly what I meant and have absolutely no need of any anonymous poster trying to clarify my posts.
hmmm part of my smiley got cut off??? Strange 'cuz it was there.
are you guys writing a book, with these long comments
MaryPP,
Yes, we all talk and laugh about those yesteryear stories. My children are far less traumatized than I am, apparently, by my mistakes. I guess that's the best possible thing though...'cause if anybody should suffer for my mistakes, I'd much rather it be me than them!
I know that the eyeliner is just a phase...but it's a rather disagreeable one for me. I'll live. We've certainly had more alarming phases than this during our career in raising adolescents...and if this is the worst we have with her, I will feel lucky. In fact, she pointed out to me just this morning that she wears about a third the amount of eye liner that many other girls do...and that that should make me feel lucky. Heeehee. Although I told her that "lucky" was perhaps not the term I had been searching for to describe my feelings on the subject...I realized inside that she is probably right. Everything else she does is pretty swell by me, so I really ought not get my panties in a bunch over this. Still, it's hard to have my daughter walk into the room and evoke thoughts of Dracula....and Amy Winehouse. (Of course, I am exaggerating a bit now...but where oh where is my tiny, skinny, blonde haired blue eyed ballerina, who used to CRY when I had to put make up on her, per the teacher's instructions, for her ballet recitals?!)
7:54 Potentially, yes. How many copies can we put you down for?
No thanks Mom, I wouldn't pay over a nickel for them.
That's OK, you can keep on reading here for free. (But if we ever become rich and famous, I think maybe now we won't want to invite you to high tea at our palaces...hehehe.) You know, you don't HAVE to read all of the posts here. It's not school. Nobody will know, and there's no quiz later!
You can skip all of the long ones...and even the ones with big words...if you want to.
Bwaaaaahhhhh.
I love you mom!
I will never understand why idiots like 8:51 actually take the time to type out that our comments are too long.
DON'T READ THEM!
Duh.
Agreed! I rather enjoy reading the long posts, and taking such a nice candid look into other peoples lives (call me a spy, but I find it very interesting! haha) Besides, I'm a newlywed and we haven't had kids yet, so I find these particular posts fascinating!
I'll never understand some people...if you don't like it, don't read it...I promise I won't put a gun to your head! ;)
12:59
It's nice because everybody feels safe enough to really put their feelings out there.
We don't know who they are and just getting the opportunity to air their dirty laundry, we get a glimpse into their personal lives. If it weren't for the anonymity, we would not have that privilege.
I also think it can be therapeutic for some.
That's what makes this site so great!
WOW, I have a lot, now ait, a ton of catching up to do. I've been super busy trying to spend a lot more one-on-one time with mt 2 y/o. i don't know if that's a good idea or not, but it certainly has help to improve his behavior. i also want to bond a little more, before the baby comes in June. So far, I think things have slowed down a but, and it's as if we're just geeting to know each other. MOM, I read your post, i have to say that you are right! We are going to keep him home a little longer and not be pressure by other ppl or the stress of having to take care of a newborn and a tot. If many of you out there have done it and survived, then so will I!
Thanks for all the feedback. I will read the rest of the posts a soon as I get a chance.
Take care ladies. Have a GREAT week, everyone.
pasadenamom here....um i tried to post my comment, but it seems it wasn't going through. i'm lost!
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