Thursday

It wasn't a "Bad Nanny", but a "Bad Mommy"

Received Thursday, February 28, 2008-Perspective & Opinion
I need suggestions. Someone reported a "bad nanny" that turned out to be a "bad mommy" I am writing in response to the nanny reported in Golden, Colorado. Someone forwarded me the post because they know the mom and know I am well acquainted with the mom. She adopted a child and is about to give birth to a child. The person who posted was right on with how this woman treats her kid- very harsh mean, unloving and cold. I would love some guidance on how to help this situation. I have prayed about it for a year and just am beside myself. The mom does treat the kid like an object and is very self centered. I do not know how to help the mom? What can I do to provide support? What makes it hard is she is very quick to judge and mistreat everyone around her? We are not good enough friends where ending the relationship would be noticeable, but I really worry about her daughter. The mom degrades the little tot and says horrible things about her husband, family and friends in front of the tot. I know even trying to help is playing with fire (I think the mom might be borderline personality). Should I contact the grandparents? Contact the adoption agency (she adopted through to see if the do post placement support?) The daughter's spirit is being broken every day.

21 comments:

Anonymous said...

Other than reporting this "bad mommy" for suspected neglect and/or abuse to your local Child Protective Services, I don't think there is much you can do. You said this child has extended family: a father, grandparents, etc. Hopefully, (and yes, keep praying), someone in this family will intervene to protect this poor child, and the tiny one on the way.

Trying to HELP someone with "borderline personality disorder" who is undiagnosed/untreated/unmedicated is impossible. They need to own-up to having, and being, the problem in order to accept the professional help that will help them learn to "manage" the symptoms of their disorder. Unfortunately, two of the primary symptoms of BPD is 1) creating lots of drama and misery, then 2) blaming everyone else for it. Very toxic,narcisistic creatures!

Maybe if enough people report this woman's mis-treatment of her child to the child protection authorities, SOMEONE will step in on behalf of the child(ren).

Anonymous said...

I'm horrified. As an adoptive parent in Colorado, I find this particularly disturbing given the state's strict training requirements. If she made it through the agency's review the first time, contacting the agency will do nothing now. The only useful thing you could do is report this woman to child/protective services, which I would highly recommend. If nothing else, it would trigger an investigation. If, God forbid, this child becomes victim to further abuse, and no one ever reports it, that would be the real tragedy. Also, if this is how she treats her child in public, I'd be afraid to know what she does behind closed doors.

Anonymous said...

Abuse is abuse. Whether physical or verbal. Verbal abuse has long lasting scars....You have taken the first step w/your concern...PLEASE, for this child's sake, follow through with your gut and report this abuse. You don't want to see the fall out from this ten years from now and regret not taking any action. Your name will be kept confidential. Please, please, follow through.

Sue Doe-Nim said...

Yes, contact the Grandparents, the Father, the adoption agency.

Contact everyone you can until someone listens.

Every child deserves a voice so please step up and be the voice the child deserves.

erics mom said...

Don't wait any longer. A year has past, don't let another year go by. Do what the above posters are stating. Give as much information as you can to child services. School she goes to, where she lives, etc. And tell them what you see.

I hope you do something quickly. With a new baby on the way, the abuse more likely will get worse.

Anonymous said...

yes please, do something for this poor little child....out of one bad place into another...and now a birthbaby..this poor little one will be pushed a site even more..do something please....
dont let to much time pass by...

Anonymous said...

id forward her the post from an anonymous email ... and say you know me and you better watch yourself!

Hellcat said...

How do you know she's from a bad place, 2:44?
She could have been put up for adoption at birth because the biological mother (assuming she'd go to a wonderful home) thought that would be best for her.

I don't know why anyone would adopt a child and proceed to treat it like shit, anyway.

aliana said...

i knew it, another parent, and people always think its the nanny, there are bad parents out there too!

Anonymous said...

hellcat
2:44 is Kate in Co. I think she forgot to leave her moniker.

I don't see how someone with her mental deficiency can adopt? Don't they do rigorous testing? Either way, go to CPS and report this. IMMEDIATELY please! This mom is psycho.

Kate in CO said...

Well, no 9:55....2:44 was not me. (I would never behave like you and not leave a moniker.) However, I do totally agree with 2:44. Something should definitely be done immediately..........I would personally talk to the Mom myself....it takes courage but, the little girl deserves a voice.

Anonymous said...

what's the big deal with posting anonymously?...I don't get it. Anyone care to explain the disdain by some (kate in co?) for doing so?

Anonymous said...

Adopting a kid doesn't mean that you'll be a good parent, or even an adequate one. People adopt for lots of reasons, and a whole bunch adopt because they envy other people who have kids, and their envy blinds them to the possibility of making a different kind of life (ie, without kids). For these people, kids are a social accessory, not actual humans.

A child who is treated this badly will be treated even worse once the bio kid is born. This child already is not meeting expectations, and has been found wanting. She'll be even more defective in her "loving" mother's eyes once the bio kid arrives. This mom cares about herself, her ego, and nothing else. That's not going to change.

Yes, tell everyone. Send the original article (anonymously, if need be) to everyone in the family, including the mother, and especially the dad, if he exists. Notify child protective services; the paper trail may be important. And tell the adoption agency, too. Something slipped through a gap there; telling them may give them a head's up, or stop them from giving the next child to a marginal personality.

It's been a year. Don't let another year go by! You've got a conscience, OP, which the mother clearly lacks. You can act on yours.

Anonymous said...

Hey OP

Would you please update us?? Did you follow through? A lot of us are worried, please let us know if she's okay...........thanks.

Anonymous said...

2:44 it was not Kate. it was me joan fron new york.what do you care...its more worrisome about this little baby not my mane or who i am...get things in order...

Maggie's Mommy said...

Obviously someone needs to address this woman's behavior and it is noble that you are looking out for the well being of her child. However, I do not think contacting the agency that she adopted through will do any good if the baby has been with her for a year and the suggestion of it makes me a little uncomfortable. "Good" parent or not, once someone has successfully adopted a child (post termination of parental rights, post finalization) the agency (to my knowledge) has no legal right to intervene with the child. Please contact someone involved in her day to day life (spouse, personal friend, grandparent) or, if you are truly concerned, contact your local children's welfare service.

Kate -midtown said...

Mag's Mommy-
First rate advice.

Ditto that, OP.

Anonymous said...

OP

I am concerned too....did you do anything? You've posted here a couple times, would you please post to let us know how the child is??

Anonymous said...

Where did the OP go?
Is this a fake posting??

Anonymous said...

I don't think this is a fake post but it does appear that the OP has dropped the ball....was it stated in an earlier sighting that someone else was familiar with this child? Is anyone else willing to help??

Anonymous said...

Hey OP

You're as guilty as the mother.