Received Tuesday, February 26, 2008-Perspective & Opinion
I have a problem that I am not sure what to do about. First a little history.
I have 2 children, one with special needs. After going through several sitters, we found one we love. She comes everyday M-F Three to Eight PM. We pay her 20.00 per hour. She is wonderful! Our kids love her, she's never late or out sick. She does the dishes and cleans up after the kids and herself. She takes them great places and does all sorts of crafts with them. The problem. I think she is a Kleptomaniac! Since she started, I noticed small things disappearing. Nothing of real worth. A ream of paper from my home office, packags of wipes, pens, staples, toilet paper, etc. Even pampers though she has no babies in her family! Oddly enough, if I leave money, or jewelry lying around, that is never gone. I know it's the nanny because of the rate we go through things now that she's working here and the other day when I realized I was out of printer paper my Son said Nanny X took it. I know this is no big deal and I am not trying to be cheap here. I would gladly give this woman anything out of my home because other than this little issue, she's wonderful. But I am curious as to other parents and nannies opinions. Is it worth losing a great nanny over petty crap or could this be a sign of things to come? I'm not sure as she's been with us nearly a year.
87 comments:
Since you seem to like her and want to keep her, try asking her to keep an eye on the kids, you suspect hey are hiding things around the house. Mention a few specifics. She will hopefully get the point. Or say out loud, " i must have misplaced the printer paper again" Something along those lines.
Yes, I agree. The above (4) comments are a good idea! This sounds odd and I would worry it would spread to something of value.
Since you really like her and it took you a little bit of time to find one who really works with your family I would maybe mention it to her. I like the idea of saying, "I seem to have misplaced X" or even "I seem to have misplaced X, have you seen it?"
I don't know if this could also be that she needs more money? I think you pay her very fairly it sounds but since stupid things like that are missing maybe she is having a hard time buying those things? Although, I do not understand the pampers bit. Does she have anyone that she knows who is having problems?
Do you have things of value? Lots of people think they do, but they don't. This makes it harder for a nanny trying to make endZ. I was a nanny once and I would never steal anything that the employer thought I could use. For example I had a little girl and they had two girls. I never took little girl things. I did get some boy pajamas and coats and pants. They worked the same. If they would have noticed them missing, they would never have suspected me. As for paper, everyone has printers these day. If you keep extra paper in the house, be sure that I would take a realm or two. Paper is expensive. Nothing is worse than printing out stuff and worrying about the cost of every sheet of paper. Pens are also good. The back of the pantry usually contains things they are passing on, holiday treats, nut packs, beverage mixes, cake mixes. No one notices those. My boss wore a size 4 and I am a 12/14. But my sister is a size 4 and she even wore the same size shoes as my boss. The golden rule is you take what what go noticed or what won't get connected back to you. I used to refuse to eat canned tuna and chicken while on the job. My boss's thought I didn't like it. Be sure my kids were eating it on the weekends. Every little bit you take kind of increases your net salary and that is what you have to think about. My employer's got meat deliveries once and could never keep track of it all. Why would they? I helped myself. Never take too much. Just some. And when you have someone else in the house like a cable guy or a washing repair man, that is when you can take more. Because now you have a strange subject in the house. Someone who can take the blame.
NNP Theft Guidelines
*NNP is a nanny group out of Park Slope, NY- the same group who attempted to arrange a strike last fall.
Yes
Lightbulbs
Batteries
Paper Towels
Toilet Tissue
Laundry Soap
Fabric Softner
Cleaning Supplies
Pens, pencils, staples
Night Lights
Fragrance Dispensers
Paper, notebooks
DVDR, DSRs
Envelopes
Stamps
Hangars
decorations
Bathroom soap, hand soap
Nails, tacks
Tools such as screwdrivers and hammers
NO
Jewelry
Insurable Items
LMFAO! NNP think they have to right to strike but condone stealing! You are a joke and not firt to watch dogs!
Same for you 7:14.
You people are disgusting!
This whole thread is totallly disgusting.
Anybody who steals is not fit to be watching children because she lacks basic morals. Its not like stealing a little bit is not stealing. (Kinda like being a littl ebit pregnant, eh?) How can you even look at this person, knowing she is smiling at your face and stealing your property behind your back, and then leave your children with her? I wouldn't be able to help wondering what else about her is a lie.
I am going to make dinner now...and thankfully I have had no hired help in today, so I am confident all of my food and cooking utensils will be right where I expect them to be!
You people who steal are disgusting.
Goodnight.
I was a live in nanny and I used to syphon>sp my boss's $40 shampoo into my Suave bottle, same with her conditioner. And I would put Suvae back to cover it up. That's the worse I ever did tho
Video Camera will help
My children are teens now and I have employed nannies and housekeepers all through their lives. Never once did I hestitate to fire someone who I suspected of theft. I have no regrets, either. Someone who will steal pennies will most certainly steal dollars.
Theft is a crime of opportunity, so keep your home free of theives.
I don't know about this list from the NNP, but I am certain that the nanny used to steal jams and jellies from me. Entire unopen jars of fresh preserves from France would go missing. Perhaps to her it seemed as if we had a lot, but since I could only get them in France, I stocked up.
Video camera?
I would set up a whole price tag scanner system like they have at CVS. Anything the nanny walks out with that she shouldn't have, including a bottle of water- and sirens would go off.
Op......in your own terms you stated that this was a little issue and that it was petty crap. If that's what it is to you.....where's the problem? I would NEVER allow someone in my home whom I knew was stealing from me. FIRE her.....unless you're not ABSOLUTELY positive it's her then get a video camera. If you KNOW for sure it's her right this minute.......get her OUT of your home! Your children deserve better!
Great posts everyone.....forgot to add that.
I am a nanny and I have to say I am horrified by the poster who listed the things she stole from her employer. I have never taken a thing from my employers- I don't even eat their food, though they have told me many times to help myself.
Not all nannies are devious!
OP-Mom and Kate in Co are sanctimonious witched ignore them.
If you can truly look past this then do so. If she is with you almosta year and it hasn't progressed it most likely won't. You can do as others suggested, mention you have noticed a few things missing and see how she reacts. Studies show most people will take items from their workplace like pens and paper if they think they can get away with it so ignore those who act like their shit don't stink.
10:19 - When I was a nanny, I was always told to "help myself" when it came to food. If I was really hungry, or was feeding the kids, I'd eat. However, I'd make efforts to "pay back" the food I'd taken; if I noticed they were low on milk one evening, I'd arrive the next day with a fresh gallon.
With that said, never, under any circumstances, is it ok to take things from your employer's home. I know some nannies feel entitled to take things, but it's stealing and it's wrong.
Hit a nerve 10:25?
Skitter on back to your stash of pilfered loot and leave the adults to talk now please.
Wow.
I thought only misguided children and white trash stole.
If I trusted a nanny with my children and she stole from me-
Wow.
I would hold her down, shave her head, tattoo the word thief on her forehead, and give her a swift kick in the ass for good measure.
How dare you think that you have any right to be around innocent impressionable children. Children who could grown up to be the decent people you clearly are not!
I am another nanny who is horrified by the stealing nannies. Is it possible they were putting us on?
People actually suffering from kleptomania can't help themselves, and need treatment. People suffering from a lack of ethics need to be fired!
10:48 go to hell! Or better yet get laid.
I worked for a family after my baby was born. I returned to work when my baby was 5 months. I was fired from the nanny position I had when I got pregnant. Yep. So I went to work for a family. The mom was expecting a baby three months down the road. I was great with her older twins, good with the baby and I have to admit I helped myself to stuff I shouldn't have. Looking back, it wasn't the best judgment. I was young and they had so much. Mostly what I took was formula, bottles, baby shampoos, some toddler clothes (that she had me drop off at a friend of hers- I intercepted some pieces). They had so much for their baby I wished mine was younger than theirs. She would have benefitted so. In truth, if I would have asked, they probably would have shared with me or if they would have realized how strapped I was to pay for all my baby stuff myself, they would have probably offered to help me. I didn't want to admit my boyfriend was a stoner who rarely left the sofa and didn't contribute. I feel bad. It's hard for me to stay in contact with them because of that. Although at the time, it made sense to me. I don't think I was a bad person then but I am a much better person now.
11:48- remorse won't undo what you did, but it speaks volumes about the kind of person you actually are and that you're on the right track now.
Stealing for your child could almost be an instinctual impulse in that kind of situation, I think. Sometimes people just don't think clearly about how to dig themselves out of a hole.
I worked for a family for 6 years and they fired me and gave me 2 weeks severance. I was so angry. I didn't let on. The only thing I stole were copies of all of the Mrs. "contacts" and I borrowed the housekey and made 30 copies of the housekey which I labeled and... Well that's too much to tell but you get the idea. Never steal from a good employer but when they screw you over, it's war BABY. It's war.
When I hired my nanny, I made it clear that when she leaves at the end of the day I will inspect the contents of her bags and pat her down. She agreed and that's just what we do daily. We are both happy with this arrangement — me because I won't stay up nights wondering if she's stolen from us, and she because she knows I don't suspect her of stealing. It's a win-win situation.
Larch mom, you are being silly. But I actually have given my nanny several bags, including tote bags, handbags and zipper cases that are see through plastic. A good number of high end ones came out last season. As far as the nanny was concerned, it was just a gift. She used it religiously for five months.
Oh honey,
If we need to haul things out of your house, we usually have our bfs or gfs drop by during the day. Load up and leave under your nose with a clean consense. And in the summer time, I can pack a grocery bag with things I want and hide it in this certain bush by the driveway and grab it when i am walking to the train. My friends who have cars carry duffles in their trunks, so even if you pop the trunk, you wont see anything outright. dont underestimate the nanny. you know the movie. the hand that rocks the cradle.......
You forgot splenda. Splenda is one thing that is expensive to buy, especially in baking amounts. And Maple syrup. I have a weakness for Maple syrup and my boss is always bringing things back from her weekend house that are like 100 percent pure maple syrup. Is that bad?
ok so, I was having stomach issues and realized I didn't have time to get to the store to buy more toliet paper after work and I knew I had run out the night before as I was up all night useing it! So I took a roll from work. I didn't ask for obvious reasons. I stole. I'm going straight to hell I guess.
Do you really all steal that stuff? That is crazy. I am way too innocent for all that. I work for a woman with a keen sense of style and admire her fashion. She travels about 7-9 weeks a year. Sometimes I am here with the kids, sometimes I am here with the house and dogs. I do take a little chance by borrowing some of her clothes to wear or some of her jewelry. Getting ready in her dressing room makes me feel like a movie star. But I put every single thing back. It felt kind of weird using their tub when they were both away, like that was doing something bad but it doesnt compare to STEALING stuff. That is really bad and even evil. I even dryclean her stuff if I wear it for long. Mostly, I am so careful with it, I will wear it to one place and then take it right back off. I never lost anything or left anything out of place. No way. My job is too important to me!
You guys are horrible!!! I would never steal from an employer, little or big. If I am mismanaging my money enough to not be able to afford tp and computer paper, that is seriously MY issue to work out and fix. Not steal to compensate for. I was horrified when I had brought a load of my personal laundry to do (family let me because my apartment ones were being fixed that week), and I returned home to find a pair of my boss's shorts in my laundry bag! I drove over to their house right then and brought them back.
Hopefully most people posting on here are being silly for argument's sake.
OP- If you truly suspect SHE is the one doing this, and you know you aren't misplacing things, make it known either directly (kindly) to the nanny, or in a roundabout way. Either ask her straight up if she knows why you have been going through so much computer paper, etc, or ask her if she knows if the kids have been. Good luck!
This place has become overrun with trolls posting stupid comments just to see all the gullible moms fall for it.
what I think is
that the nanny is innocent and the OP has the problem
I'm not getting into all of the silliness going on here with this particular post.
In response to the actual question- this woman spends 40 hours a week (or more) looking after your children. She is one of the most obvious role models in their lives, and if they are as fond of her as you say, they worship her. Personally, I consider it my greatest privilege to get to be such an influence in "my" kids' lives. I wouldn't dream of doing anything in front of them that was in any way morally deplorable. You don't want this woman stealing (even little things) and setting THAT as an example for your children.
I won't be so harsh as to say you should let her go without discussing this with her, and perhaps she has some special circumstances (family member is very ill and has huge hospital bills? Not that that excuses her, but it would kind of explain a bit.).
Never underestimate the influence a nanny has over her charges. It is a great compliment to be invited into a child's life, and should not be treated as a window of opportunity to steal.
maybe I have a good heart and a sense of morality, or maybe I just work for great people who compensate me well enough for my time, but I would never, EVER consider stealing from my employer.
What if the roles were reversed? You people that steal this stuff would also be the people to turn around and fire someone for saying something in a wrong tone. You just have no sense of character or good judgement.
Hell, what has the world come to?
larchmommy-you're crazy.
Larchmommy said:
"When I hired my nanny, I made it clear that when she leaves at the end of the day I will inspect the contents of her bags and pat her down. She agreed and that's just what we do daily. We are both happy with this arrangement — me because I won't stay up nights wondering if she's stolen from us, and she because she knows I don't suspect her of stealing. It's a win-win situation."
She knows you don't suspect her of stealing? You obviously must if you insist on patting her down and rifling through her personal items every single day.
If you feel you need to do this to your nanny, you shouldn't have her watching your children; if you did trust her as you claim, you wouldn't feel the need to have this insulting ritual every night.
Larchmommy, you are ridiculous and your nanny is a fool to stand for such nonsense.
OP-Sadly, many nannies steal in this manner. I spend my time in the company of many nannies from Bergen and Passaic counties and a vast majority steal paper products and supplies from the homes they work in. One bragged that Kirkland has become her favorite brand! (Her employer shops in a big box store that sells Kirkland products) This seems to be a popular practice regardless of the nannies education level or pay scale. I am not saying it's right, but I'm not sure what to advise you to do. I doubt this will progress beyond this since she has been with you a year so if you can truly look past this I would do so. Maybe mention that you noticed.....as others have suggested but in the end, you might lose an otherwise great Nanny.
Good luck!
Why wouldn't most nannies steal? Most office workers steal too. Most people who do not make boo ya bucks steal. That's how the world goes. I read a study about all of the people in the offices and how most all of them stold at one time, pens, paperclips, etc. So why wouldn't a nanny steal paper towels?
9:48
Maybe because she's honest and has a sense of self-respect?
There is definitely a certain mentality out there among certain people.
During my last year of high school I had a job as a waitress at a country club. I was the youngest persn working there and the others had all settled into their jobs there as their "real life adult jobs." We would all take our break and eat together before resetting the dining room for the next shift. During that time, the others would try to impart life advice to me, since I was young and just starting life. It was appaling the things these people did. A couple of things stick out particularly in my mind. One, they told me (and all of the ladies agreed) to be sure to NEVER turn down an offer for a date...because it is a FREE MEAL...and to be sure to order something really expensive whenever a man took me out. (I believe there was stuff in there too about acting really sexy so he'd think he was getting something in return later, so he wouldn't mind buying the lobster up front.) Then they told me about little ways to get away with stealing food and items from the club. The most disgusting I remember is that one woman would throw loaves fo bread and hunks of meat over the fence beside the dumpster and then drive past and pick it up on her way home. I remember sitting there calculating in my mind the amount of time that meat would be outside before she even got to it and wondering how she could even stand to eat it. (Weird, I know.) Anyway, I learned a lot from those people. I learned that I had better get my hiney into the best college I could get myself admitted to and study my brains out because I wasn't going to be making a living by leading horny men on and stealing food from my job...worrying all the time that my kids were about to get really sick from the stolen meat that had laid on the hot street for two hours before I got off work. But those people seemed to be all in agreement that that was how to make ends meet and had no qualms talking openly about all they stole....as if that's just what everybody does!
Here's another one.
We lived in an apartment complex for a time when I was a child. At some point, the chief of police for our city also moved in there with his wife and two teenage daughters. The moms were so excited that some really "good babysitters" had moved in.
So, the first daughter comes to babysit for us. The moment my parents left, she went through every drawer and cupboard in our house, taking whatever she liked, and putting it into her purse. I followed her and watched her, which she didn't seem to mind. (I was 7 or 8 at least, so she was kind of stupid not to hide it from me.) After that I begged and begged her to let me "clean out her purse," as all of my other babysitters would let me do. She kept saying "No' but finally relented (which, again, was stupid.) As I cleaned her purse, I took all of my mom's makeup and my hair accessories and set them behind me (which she could actually see.) She said nothing and pretended not to notice. I took all of our things and hid them and she didn't say anything, and neither did I. I watched all night to make sure she didn't go back into any drawres, and she didn't. The next day I told my mom, but she didn't seem to really believe me...until one of our neighbors came over and complained to my mom that every time she had one of those sisters babysit, she was missing clothes and other things!
Somewhere in there, my momn had the other sister come babysit...for a really long day and night. Promptly after my parents left, three or more scary looking guys showed up at our house, with knives, and proceeded to party, while one of the guys practically had sex with the babysitter right in front of us. The babysitter got mad at my 3-4 yr. ld sister for climbing up onto a cupboard to get a glass, tossed her to the floor, and then locked her in her bedroom, crying, for hours. I tried to leave to get help from a neighbor, but one of the guys was just outside the door with a knife and made some threat about what he would do to me if I tried to leave. Later than night, when we were in bed, I got up to see what was going on because there seemed to be a lot of commotion all of a sudden. There were dozens of candy bars splayed out all over our sofa and several people were trying to wrap towels on the profusely bleeding arm of one of the guys. They were nice to me then and offered me some candy. The next day, I heard my mom talking on the phone and she was telling somebody that they had come home to find men's underwear on the front doorstep and the bathtub full of water, and she was saying "you don't have to guess what was going on here
(but, being a kid, I had to guess, and was quite perplexed for at least a few more years as to what she had meant by that.)
The day after tha babysitting fiasco, I took some change and went to buy a a candy bar at our complex vending machine, which SURPRISE, was all smashed in and the candy all gone.
My mom had to call the chief of police to tell him his daughter and her friends were thieves. He told her he already knew. Hmmmmm. They moved out very soon after that.
Patting down your nanny is disturbing. Icky Icky Icky
Not trusting your nanny enough that you pat her down? - Why is she watching your kids?
You're an imbecile.
That Police chief daughters being hellians has been circulating for years. Filed under URBAN LEGEND. In one version, it's needles not candy bars and the little boy gets rushed to the hospital when he finds one and injects himself. In another version, it's the mayors daughter and the BF shows up with a gun. The mayor resigns or the police chief moves away, in the most dramatic ending, the daughter ends up killing her father and the mother apologizes for not having believed the kids the daughter sat for.
The only thing I will steal is medication. And I am probably saving your kids anyway. Today's children are overmedicated..and a little adderall helps me nanny better.
you are all sick beings, whether you are being honest or not about your "sticky fingers". i am a nanny myself, and i am disgusted by everything i am reading today. it doesn't matter whether you take a box of tissues or something of value. stealing is stealing. and you should all be ashamed of yourselves.
Everybody steals sometimes. Once I stole a really thick cutting board. It was delivered from a kitchen place and I just instinctively put it in my trunk. Days later when my boss hadn't received it, she called the company and they sent a new one. no harm, no foul.
Everyone, of course the stories on here about theft are real. Be realistic! I'm surprised so many of you don't know what is happening in the world! Of course these stories are real and not made up! I would expect less naivete on this website. After all, if we are being realistic here about child abuse, then why would you not be realistic about nannies helping themselves to your stuff?
Larchmommy, I'm from the same village as you. Cute moniker. Do you really pat down your nanny? This had to have been a joke. Yes?
To the OP, why is this so surprising? The nanny has resentment toward you as her employer. This is quite common especially in the household help line of work. Her resentment is slightly alleviated because she gets to help herself to your things. This is perfectly normal to her.
I would add, it is part of the reason why your relationship has been so good, and she is so sunny about coming to work.
As for me, I wouldn't take it. Get rid of her. You can't trust a person who you don't really know. Even if you check references, if you didn't know the previous employers personally, or know the situation more intimately, you cannot trust that you got someone who is totally trustworthy. There is no substitute for parental or familial caregivers. If this can't happen, then you'd better hold out for someone who you know more intimately before you trust them to be in your home watching your kids.
You say, "I know it is no big deal," but it seems like a big deal to me. How can you trust a person who is already helping herself to your things? What is she going to do next? You have only employed her a short time. You say she is great with the kids but the fact that these thefts have taken you by surprise shows that you do not really know the person you have left in your home to take care of your kids.
3:19
I don't think so. It's a true story.
I think it is funny that you would think nannies who lie about where they take your kids, some even pocket the cash you give them for certain activities would lie about stealing. Especially if you have money, most of them all hate you all. How do I know? I work at a women's clothing store and I deal with a lot of nannies. Usually returning things for their bosses. They look at something they wish they could have, I ask, "are you interested" they say, "if I married for money, maybe". They have nothing but rotten things to say about you. Except you. You women who work and make a ton of money, your employees are in awe of you. That is what I see in my store. Women who marry money or inherit money get no respect. But women who are self made get so much respect. And after all, isn't that how it is supposed to be? If a bitch married for money, didn't she steal too? Yeppers.
4:59:
If you're REALLY from the same village as me you'd probably know me; I am known in the "nanny" circles as being a very generous employer. It is worth it for my nanny to spend the 3 minutes (max) at the end of the day being checked by me in exchange for the numerous bags—Fendi, Chloe, Marc Jacobs—I have grown tired of. If you are in fact from my village, look for the nanny carrying ridiculously expensive purses. And then you tell me if she seems unhappy with our daily practice.
To Larchmonty, I mean Larchmommy, I don't know for sure if we are from the same village; I am just guessing. I don't know the nannies in the nanny circles and haven't noticed their purses. I don't think I know you personally, just that we probably live nearby. But I do now believe your story that you pat down your nanny in exchange for designer purses.
Larchmommy,
So your nanny is a masochist who enjoys daily humiliation. Do you think that is a healthy influence on your children?
Larchmommy must be one of the poorer mommies in the village. All the nannies carry coach bags these days. How do you think coach got off the must have list and alongside the escalade on the ghetto list? Who has time to pat a nanny down? I barely have time to bid her adiue. The very thought of touching a nanny is quite frankly, unseemly.
To Larchmommy, I can only agree that if you can't trust this nanny with your toilet paper, (which you apparently lie awake at night worrying about), WHY WHY WHY WHY would you trust her with your children?
To the OP however, since you don't seem overly upset about it, I agree with the first couple of posters that IF she really is as fantastic with the kids as you say she is, and they really do adore her, the best approach would be to take CAREFUL note every day of the items in your house that seem to go missing a lot and mention casually to her every time you notice something dsappearing too quickly. Most likely if she realizes you are more aware than she thought and knows that you suspect her, she will stop after you mention something only once or twice. But if the problem persists, let her go. It's important that she's great in all other areas so I'd give it a chance still, but you shouldn't have to let yourself be taken advantage of.
5:17 no women who marry for money are not thieves they are whores, just whores with a legal document but they are still putting out for cash, that is until their husbands trade them in for a newer model.
And sorry, Mom, but I have to say, I too, have heard the urban legend about the police chief's daughter. Although the one I heard was The chief moves in next door and the families of the block community is happy because he has a teenage daughter willing to baby sit and there had been none up until that point. The girl throws make-out parties for her friends and gets caught. The parents talk to the chief but he refuses to believe it. He tells them unless they have solid proof they better shut up about it or else he will make it bad for them so they keep their mouth shut. The daughter sits for another family and while she is making out the 4 year old drowns in the pool. The girl is so distraught, she kills herself, admitting everything in a note. The chief, humiliated and disgraced, leaves town.
To Larchmommy
I am with the others ... how could you trust your Nanny with your kids if you have to pat her down every day?
And I'm sorry, my dignity isn't worth a Fendi bag.
Larchmommy,
I assumed it was a joke. Do you REALLY pat your nanny down each day? If she wanted to steal, all she would have to do is give the stuff to somebody during the day.
8:30 That is so amazing. Your story is EXACTLY like mine...well up through the part where the police chief moves in and people are happy for the teenage babysitters. Then every other detail is completely different. Of course, yours is far more dramatic, what with all the death and everything, whereas mine involves only petty theft and vandalism...but mine is true...so those are usually a little more tame. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh OP, fire that nanny. Update us as soon as you fire that nanny. For heaven's sakes. You do know the 80/20 rule, right? 20 percent of the world's thieves do 80 percent of the thieving? So maybe your nanny is among the 80 percent doing the 20 percent, do you still want her in your home? She stole you paper because she had an opportunity to steal it. When ever an opportunity presents itself, she will steal. You may not even know the things you have lost to her sticky fingers. For whatever reason, it seems many nannies-mostly the non professional nanny, they seem quite entitled to have everything you have. And the quickest way to getting it is stealing it, one printer cartridge at a time.
I would never tolerate the presence of someone I even suspected of such. And I would call the police and prosecute so that I wouldn't have my hands tied when it came to her future employers calling. If everyone stopped tolerating thievery, well wouldn't that be wonderful?
Mom, it's not my story, it's an urban legend that's been circulating for years now. Maybe your story got out and changed around ? After all, they say many urban legends started out with some truth to them.
Like the college student who hears all this noise after going to bed in the pitch black so as not to wake her roomie. She assumes roomie is drunk so she puts the pillow over her ear and goes to sleep. The next morning roomie is butchered and the killer wrote on the mirror, in the roomies blood "It's a good thing you didn't turn on the light"
I did a paper on Urban Legends for college. :)
I was nver much of a thief but my Mrs had boo ya jewlery. When I went to a wedding or graduation party, I borrowed some key pieces. I never lost nothing. She had a lot of panthose, like a drawer full, so I always just took a new pack of those. Trust me, she never missed them. And the Mr. had more golf balls than anyone, so I did occasionally take a few packs of golf balls. Made hubby feel like a king on the court.
I go through a lot of stuff at my employer's house. I change the babies' diapers a minimum of every 2 hrs, whether they need it or not (habit left over from working in group childcare). I use baby wipes a lot - when we are at the park I use them to wipe their hands before having a snack and they are handy for wiping up spills in the car, etc. I change the sponge on the kitchen sink every couple of days. We go through a LOT of printer paper doing art projects and printing coloring pages and things. They are packrats and I am forever tossing broken toys and things that don't need to be laying around cluttering up the place. So I can see how my own employer might wonder where all this stuff is going... believe me, they are getting used and I can buy my own sponges.
I am a nanny and am simply appalled that people are condoning this behavior.
Thank you 6:39.
There are some honest people out there and the ones who steal make it really hard on the ones who are honest (particularly th ehonest ones who happen to work in other people's homes.)...because the stealing is apparently so common that everybody has to have a seed of mistrust until proven otherwise.
I htink I might have mentioned this before, but I had a housekeeper in California who I absolutely trusted. A couple of times my husband had small items go missing and insisted that I confront her about it because he was sure she must have taken them. (He didn't know her b/c she worked when he was at work.) I always refused because I absolutely trusted her and would have never insulted her that way. And his items always eventually turned up in a toybox or some other kid friendly spot. But in our world today that trust now has to be earned instead of assumed. Sad for the honest ones out there.
For the lady who pats down her nanny, That seems over the top to me. I can't believe she isn't insulted...even if you do give her pricey castoffs. How can you have a mutually respectful relationship when every day after work you say to her, essentially, "I need proof that you're not a thief." (I'm still holding out hope that that post was simply a joke.)
10:03AM
You are so right. I once had an employer ask me repeatedly if I had seen her missing watch, a not so subtle hint. She eventually found it. It had fallen behind her dresser.
Although I loved the children, I just couldn't feel enthusiastic about that job anymore. The next time a poacher approached me with a job offer, I gave notice and took it.
I'm a nanny and I take stuff from my employer all the time. Food, paper products, whatever I need. I wonder how many of you or your S/Os Borrow from your place of business. No need to answer. Kudos to those of you with the guts to admit what more than 50% of the working population does.
Also, I know it's wrong but I do it anyway. I don't let the kids see me do it and I am not about to stop, no matter what names you people call me. I am a damn good nanny as far as the parents are concerned and let me tell you, plenty of other nannies do it to, ones you would NEVER suspect!
It's me, 4:59.
Hey, how about someone posts on here with more creative tales about how things are stolen from employers? I would love to hear it. Anyone?
To Larchmommy, people have been critical of your daily pat down and I see you have not been posting. Sorry you have not been back on this thread. I appreciate your having the courage to tell us about the daily pat down and that you feel it works for you and your nanny. I think that we all appreciate your having been forthcoming with this. Thank you.
I would love to hear more from nannies and employers on this subject!
2:34
You mean you want to hear more tales of thievery?
Yes, I really do. Thanks.
And tales of pat-downs and the like. Thanks again.
A klepto, OP did you really say that? You're a wee bit dramatic, aren't you? I think the word is "opportunistic thief". I have had nannies steal bottles of nailpolishes, old cosmetics, even lawn furniture! The modern household really should be on camera, 24-7 and accesible by remote internet access. I can tell you I nearly went nuts trying to guess what happend to things or how I lost them. Turns out... it was the nanny.
"opportunistic thief"
lol, vi ... you are so PC! ☺
We had this trouble a few years ago, and the easiest way to handle it was to dock her pay for every thing the kids told us she pilfered.
She was so embarrassed that she stopped.
docked her pay?
pilfered?
:)
Vi, so how did you solve it exactly? Just watched future things disappearing now that you got your house on camera 24-7? Just wondering.
Hi,
I am a mom who had a nanny my family loved (and who we thought really cared about our children) that was with us for almost 3 years. We got along very well and there were never any issues or conflicts. Everyone in our building, pediatrician, and other nannies told us how wonderful our nanny was. We knew her family, got her daughter nanny work, and thought she was the most trustworthy person in the world. If I gave her money for the monthly metrocard or on the rare occasion to get diapers, she always brought me back the change (no matter how little). One Friday she said goodbye as usual, told the kids "Love you" and on Monday she didn't show up. Her phones were cut off and she stole several small electronic items on the last day. In the weeks after she left, we did some investigating and it turned out she took another job for more money and just stole because she could. We were incredibly hurt and don't know how we will ever be able to trust a nanny again. We did, upon hiring her, a background check and it was fine. I just wanted to share this with you, because you just never know. As close as you may feel to your nanny and think they are 'like' family, inside they may not feel the same and can harbor resentments that manifest in theft.
I am sure most nannies are moral and trustworthy, but others are not. They see the world as filled with either "haves" and "have nots" and feel it is their right to take from those who have. This is sad. If everyone stole from their employers, nobody would employed. Unfortunately, this mentality seems to pervade the nanny industry. It is MOST unfortunate for those nannies who are good, honest people and have to work alongside petty thieves.
10:37, are you by chance the same person who posted here fairly recently about this happening, and had filed a missing person report w/the police and everything else? I'm sorry that happened, that's pretty shocking.
I wondered the exact same thing.
Yes...I am. I still don't have any resolution with that nanny. The worst part of it is that I heard she took a job with an infant not far from where we live. I don't know what will happen if I (or the kids) run into her. I told my daughter that the nanny had to move away, and that she asked me to say goodbye for her, that she loved her and to give her a big hug.
I would pursue it further, but now we realize that we didn't know this woman at all if she was capable of stealing and abandoning our daughter like that. There is always the small chance that she is also capable of violence, and that is a risk we don't want to take.
I'm a nanny, I'll admit to stealing, I did it 3 times in one week. But I felt horrible. They were gift cards, and I was confronted about one, and I admited it. I replaced the other 2, but I still have a feeling I will get confronted about it. I'm affraid of losing my job. I feel absolutely horrible. I just dont get paid enou and i was so strapped, for a moment, it felt nice to be able to get a new pair of shoes, go for coffee, and take my boyfriend to dinner. I dont sleep at night, and I am an anxious mess. I explained to them when they confronted me about the gift card why, and that I was sorry. But here i am still not making enough money, though I would never ever steal again, my guilt is its own hell. Im a live in, and its getting so uncomfortable for me, Im thinking of changing jobs, but dont know how to explain to them that I just cant stay anymore, Ive been with them for 3 years.
I don't think stealing little things like this is considered to be a klepto...
thats going over board a bit. Maybe this nanny feels so close to the family that she feels like they wouldn't mind if she took some TP home with her or a few pens, printer paper, etc. You may need to confront her about it if you have a problem, she might think she's doing nothing wrong.
also..about the pampers, maybe thats for your kids! I am a nanny and I know that when I take the kids out places, I like to keep some pullups in the car for emergencies (2 yr old) so perhaps this nanny does that? idk. or maybe she's pregnant???
Hi,
I'm also a nanny and I also have to admit that when I worked for this really really wealthy family I stole.
She always went to spas and beauty store like sephora or department store where they give you samples.
She had this amazing luggage with tons of samples, and I took some. Every two weeks, she would put some more in and I guess she never found out, she was not using them either.
I would be mad at first if my nanny did that, but I can understand why some people do it.
10:55 AM
RE-POST
Oh honey rich people don't collect free samples. I worked for someone so rich she threw all of her $1 bills and $5 bills in to the junk drawer. They were mine for the taking.
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