Sunday

5 Minutes Late...

Received Sunday, February 24, 2008-Perspective & Opinion
Hi, Everyone

I have been working as a part time nanny with a family for 3 months. They live approx 40 minutes away from me and with traffic, generally an hour. The mom is a stay at home mom of 3 childeren and does not work from home or anything. Basically, my duties involve taking care of the two infants, while she takes the toddler out for some alone time together. I am suppose to arrive at 8 am but sometimes I get there at 8:05. The traffic is seriously brutual in the area. Last week, we had a big ice storm and I almost got into a accident getting to there house. However, I made it there and was about 10 minutes late. Like I stated, this mom never has a specific scheduled time to be anywhere.

Last week I walked into her home approx 8:03 and she looked at me (not even saying hello) and with a very snippy tone said "YOU ARE LATE AGAIN, THIS IS LIKE EVERYDAY NOW,,,UNREAL...So I felt terrible and of course stated that I would stay the extra 5 minutes to make up the time. (and I did) Then she turned around and stated to me that she only needed me for 2 hours that morning (instead of the usual 5 hours) because she was having a woman come over to evaluate the kids for a school project. She said sorry I didnt give you notice but I have been busy. So she kept me for 2 hours and then sent me home without paying me for the full 5 hours. I thought that was extremely rude but I just kept my mouth shut. Also, I generally work for her approx 8-1 and then leave that job and go to another job right in town around 1:15 (she also knows this) So basically I was stuck hanging around the area with nothing to do for 3 hours. There was no point of me driving all the way home and going back in another hour or so (especially with gas prices).

I understand that being on time is very important with any job. However, I feel that providing great care and love to kids is much more important than being 5 minutes late every once in a while. I am a very laid back loving indvidual. Where she is very High strung with a TYPE A personalitly!! I dont feel like we click at all and I generally feel very uncomfortable working with her. I love and adore her kids so much!! I would love to hear some nannies and parent views of this situation. Should I give it another shot or should I leave?? I feel like she lied to me because I was late and sent me home just out of spite. However, I would really like to hear some more opinions before making a final decsion. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to listen to me!!

85 comments:

kate said...

My dad always told me, "Uncontrolled lateness is a sign of overdeveloped ego." If you've been late multiple times that's grounds for firing, docking you a few hours to impress a point is not out of line. It seems to me that you don't have much respect for your employer.

Anonymous said...

Late is late no matter if its 3 or 5 minutes. Even if she doesnt have a specific time to be anywhere she still wants you there at 8, not 8:05 or 8:03. I can understand being late if the roads are bad, but there is no excuse just because the traffic is bad. You should leave earlier so you can get there on time. I would be highly annoyed if my nanny was late everyday even just a few minutes.

It seems like you truly dont respect her by being late so often that she has to say something to you. So maybe she in return doesnt respect you enough to tell you that you will only be needed for two hours until the day of.

Anonymous said...

I nannied for a woman who was the same and I was about 5 minutes late everyday. I eventually quit and started working for a more laid back mom who was hands off and not controlling. Best move ever!

Sarah and Mitch said...

Obviously lateness is a big deal with her... and she has that right too. You should start leaving your house 10 minutes earlier than you think you need to leave. Try to consider 7:55 as the time you need to BE at work, and if there is a day where you have an extra 15 minutes, stop and grab yourself a mocha or something. If it bugs you that much to be on time, then I really honestly think you shouldn't have accepted the job. You knew ahead of time that you lived 40-60 minutes away, and took that on as your responsibility to be punctual.

I understand where you are coming from, about traffic and everything, and I had the same thing for awhile with a nanny job of mine. But I adapated so that instead of a couple minutes late, I would arrive WAY early and sit and have coffee with the mom before my start time of 7am. She never asked me to work before then, and would stop me if I tried to because it was still "my" time. But where I work now, if I am even so much as 1 minute late, I will get written up for it and after having done it twice, I won't do it again. It's not fair to anyone else to have to maintain their schedule, and for me to come in whenever I get there.

The mom might be highstrung, but you still have a responsibility to the situation to be on time, regardless of the amount of traffic on the road.

Lorenza said...

There are many different reasons for being late, Kate. I think you're dad was extremely narrow-minded in his view of tardiness. When done purposely by celebs, that's due to a rather big ego, but for just regular plain folks, it's often due to misjudging travel time, unforeseen obstacles and last minute interruptions prior to leaving, etc. The safest plan is to aim for the early arrival and thereby avoiding (for the most part) the possibility of being late. I do agree with you that it is respectful to be on time.

kate said...

Lorenza--there's many different reasons for being late once or twice, it's true. The point of what my father says is UNCONTROLLED LATENESS, doing it over and over again and giving excuses like traffic. When you misjudge your travel time over and over again it's because you don't value your employers time as much as you value your own, whether consciously or unconsciously.

aliana said...

that woman kate from the first poast is obviously another lazy stay home mom with a nanny and her head stuck between her arse.
i am sorry but for your mental sanity, you need to work for another family, this woman is evil.

kate said...

Aliana--I'm a nanny in New York City. I'm very professional and I really don't see why other people can't keep up normal standards like actually getting to their jobs on time.

mom said...

Maybe 5 minutes late doesn't seem like a nbig deal, but it shows disrespect for oyur employer ot do it every day, or nearly every day. It's a choice you are making to leave that extra 5 minhutes late every day. Why? Obviously if you are the same 5 minutes late every day, that is how long it takes to get to work and you somehow choose not to recognize that.

On the one hand nannies want to be treated very professionally. On the other, being late is unprofessional. So how can you ask what you are not willing to give? At most other jobs, you would have been outright fired by now. Yet, you refuse to even see or acknowledge that any of this is your own fault. That is not an attitude that an employer respects...anywhere.

Anonymous said...

I completely agree with Kate. I can see it for a few times, but frequently there is by no means any excuse. Don't get me wrong- we've ALL been late- hell- I once was 45 minutes late. But don't let it be your habit.

Like others said, if you feel like you're arriving 5 minutes late often, leave early. I, personally, would leave about 15 minutes earlier than you do now. It seems like a lot, but if you need it for traffic, you have it, and if you don't, zip on by and grab some coffee or a quick breakfast. It's a nice little way to start the day too!

Kate- so good to hear from an NYC nanny. I feel like I'm drowning up here right now. ugh.

A Fabulous Nanny said...

Oops- for some reason it posted me as anonymous at 2:50? This is a fab nanny (www.onefabnanny.blogspot.com)

just anonymous said...

I'm also one of those people who are regularly 5 minutes late, to anything. I have OCD, and it's just hard for me to get out the door when I want. My bosses have never said anything about my being 5 minutes late. I think because usually they are rolling out of bed or are still in the shower and don't even know I am late. (Which always makes me wonder why I get up at 5am to leave my house at 6am to get there at 6:30am only to find the kid still sleeping and them just starting to get ready for work),
One rule for nannies: Do NOT work for stay-at-home-moms!

Lorenza said...

Kate you are right

Anonymous said...

op what your employer has going on during the day is irrelevant. the only thing that matters is that she hired you. you have a start time and a finish time.

Anonymous said...

If you're uncomfortable working for her, you should leave. Being 5 minutes late once in awhile isn't horrible so long as you call, but it sucks to do that on a regular basis.

mnanny said...

I am always early or on time for work, I also live 40 minutes away (an hour with traffic). I have been late a few times this winter because people driving skills go out the window as soon as there is an inch of snow on the ground. While my boss hasn't said anything to me, I feel bad about being late. However, while I am always there on time, they NEVER come home on time, it is usually 20-45+ minutes late but that doesn't matter to them. It pisses me off but if you are constantly 5 minutes late, leave 5 minutes earlier.

Upstate Mom said...

There is another issue her besides the lateness. She expects to work five hours, then without notice, she worked only 2 with nothing to do for 3 hours. I would suggest telling mom that you'll start leaving your house 15 minutes early (if you can...if you don't have a kid of your own to put on the school bus or something) to try to beat the traffic, but that if she ever cuts short your hours again, you expect to be paid for your full time. That way, you're even. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Pay attention to how you REALLY feel about the mom (" I feel we don't click at all, and I feel really uncomfortable working for her"). You stated the differences between your attitudes and temperament, and hers, quite clearly. A poor match is a poor match. What will magically change that? Move on. BTW, chronic tardiness is a classic passive-aggressive attempt to assert one's power over another...whether you realize it, or not. Learn to be both responsible (on time) AND assertive (saying something when treated unfairly) in your next job. Get out now, things will only get worse with this HIGH-strung, type-A, controlling SAH mom. Bad Match to the Max!

Anonymous said...

I am a stay at home mom with a nanny, and I am just wondering 2:52why you say it should be a nanny rule not to work for us?

Anonymous said...

Talking to her boss that way will probably get her fired on the spot. Never use being on time as a bargaining chip. It is an expected part of the job!
Talk to her about the other issue as a completely separate matter.

Anonymous said...

I'm a sahm with a ft nanny and I'd be annoyed if she came in 5 mins late every day. Once in a while, is no big deal. I used to be a wohm and my nanny came on time for the first year or two, then it was 5 mins late, 10 mins late until she was regularly 20 mins late and I was constantly late for work. I addressed this with her but things didn't change so I finally let her go.

emily said...

5:43, one of the most important parts of being a nanny is establishing respect and authority between you and your charges. When a mother is constantly in your environment it's much more difficult to establish this repoire.

I love SAHMs, I hope to be one someday, but I would never work for one and I always recommend to other nannies that they don't either. Fundamentally, I just can't really understand why a SAHM needs anything more than a babysitter.

brookline nanny said...

Emily,
Fundamentally, you are correct. And many people feel the same as you. I don't think I would have any respect for a sahm with a full time nanny. I cannot imagine what I would allow her to take me to task on, because in the back of my head, I would be thinking, "shouldn't you be doing this" regardless or not I got paid.
I am not saying this is correct thinking but this is why I could never work for a SAHM. I have to work for people I respect and no way in hell would I respect a sahm who needed a nanny. Sorry, but that's how I roll!

Anonymous said...

emily, I think you hit the nail on the head! SAHMs want the freedom and flexibility of having a ft nanny when it suits them, then end up competing with the nanny for power and affection of the children when they get the "guilts" for not being there, or feel threatened because they don't feel in complete control. It is crazy-making for the nanny, and the employer.
I curretly work for a SAHM who drives me crazy, bouncing back and forth between expecting me to be in complete control and on top of everything, to totally undermining my relationship with her children. Never again!

ro said...

Oooh-are you quiting? DO the parents know? Spill it. Sounds juicy.

Anonymous said...

ro,
feed off someone else!...better yet, get a life.

Anonymous said...

Providing great care and love for children IS important, but so is being on-time...especially to this employer, obvously. She punished you for your lateness by letting you go early and NOT paying for the usual time; just as unacceptable as your chronic lateness. If you want this job, apologize for your lateness, explain what you will do to correct it (leaving home 15 minutes earlier...whatever), and then address the issue of consistent hours and pay. Good luck, OP.

Anonymous said...

There is no excuse for being late on a regular basis. It is disrespectful, and unprofessional. If the weather report predicts a storm for tomorrow morning you set the alarm clock half an hour early. If the traffic is usually bad the day before a holiday, you leave early. This is the way responsible adults think.
You may not be a good match with this mom, but if you do move on to a new job, you still need to be professional, and get to work on time!
A Nanny

Anonymous said...

Being 5 min. late once in awhile happens to everyone, especially if you travel a great distance there are always unexpected things that could arise. It's wonderful that there are so many perfect nannies here who are never late! If you do not like working for this person and are uncomfortable around her you should leave. That could make for a very stressful work day.
It seems though parents have no problem coming home 5 minutes late whenever is suits them even when nannies have set working hours as I'm sure every nanny has experienced "once in awhile".

just anonymous said...

Stay at home moms tend to be self-absorbed.

just anonymous said...

I mean, sahm with a full time nanny, so they can go have time with their personal trainer and go get their botox during the day.

melamonk said...

I'm a pretty self absorbed sahm. I have the trainer and get botox and love to play tennis, but I would never hand my children over to a full time nanny. My husband could easily afford a nanny instead of a babysitter 6 hours a day, three days a week, but he wouldn't have any self respect for me if I needed a nanny working 60 hours a week. That's pathetic.

Anonymous said...

I employ two part-time nannies (who split a full time job for me). One is 5-15 minutes late 80% of the time. Even though she usually calls to let me know, I find it extemely irritating. It makes me feel that she does not respect my time or the job. She is generally good with my kids, but I find that her lateness makes me resentful and starts the day of on a negative note. My other nanny is always on time or early. She has a couple of other areas that I would change, but I find myself much more willing to work on this and much less resentful toward her. I have been 5 minutes late getting home no more than twice in a year and always pay my nanny for an hour overtime when I have been even that few minutes late.

Being late once in a great while is understandable, but being late on a regular basis - even once a week - is not acceptable. Sounds like you may have other issues with this Mom, but her being upset with your lateness is entirely reasonable.

aliana said...

i think this site is full of all these stay at home mothers with full time nannies!!
wtf!! why stay home with your children if you are not going to take care of them!!
i cant understand the husbands either, they must have a pretty low self esteem, why would you marry a woman who is not even capable of taking care of her own kids when she does not have to work!!!
what do they do all day? getting their nails done and get lipo?
seriously , they make me want to puke

Anonymous said...

5:43 - Working for SAHMs is like working with your boss in your cubicle.

ess said...

A few months ago, there was a post on this blog from a nanny who was experiencing the opposite situation. Every evening, her employer arrived home between 5 and 10 minutes later than agreed upon. Most posters accused the nanny of watching the clock to closely. A parent, they said, is not really late if she arrives at 7:35, rather than 7:30.

It's interesting, therefore, that a nanny who arrives within 5 minutes of an agreed upon time is deemed unprofessional and accused of having an "uncontrolled ego." While it's important for an employee to arrive on time, five minutes late (or less) hardly seems like a major character flaw. If it bothers an employer, it should be addressed, but the OP doesn't sound like a bad person.

While I realize that we're only getting one side of the story, yhe employer in this post doesn't sound particularly professional or considerate herself. If you have a problem with an aspect of your employee's behavior, you don't address it by exclaiming "this is unreal!" Instead, you say "Jane, we agreed that you arrive at 8 AM, and you're consistently several minutes late. I realize that there is traffic, bad weather, etc., but I'd like you to arrive at 8 - can you leave your house earlier?" There are certainly polite, adult ways to deal with the situation - and becoming irate isn't one of them.

mom said...

Melamonk wrote an excellent post. I agree (except for the Botox...that scares me!)

Ess, I would never have defended a parent coming home late repeatedly...so that is one person (and I suspect there are more) who doesn't automatically side with the parents every time.

a texas nanny said...

ess-

You pretty much said everything I wanted to say.

People are going on about how this nanny should be professional and make a point to not be late (which she should, of course); however, the mother was quite unprofessional herself when she had that small fit when the nanny walked in the door... definitely not the way to handle it. An outburst about tardiness followed by a spiteful work hours reduction; very childish.


Incidentally I live about 30-40 minutes away from my current temp job and I leave at the same time every morning. Sometimes I get there with barely a moment to spare and sometimes I arrive 20 minutes early! It is sort of hard to plan when there is such a long distance between your home and theirs....

mimi said...

I was a professional nanny for 6 years and I was NEVER late...EVEN when I lived 45 minutes from my employer in the snow belt in Cleveland. If it was bad out, I left earlier. I sometimes arrived up to 10 minutes early and would just relax in my car, listening to my favorite morning radio station. I have no idea why you are so not bothered that you roll in 5 minutes late on a regular basis, just because we don't have a card to swipe thru a time clock you need to be prompt. I am sorry to offend you OP but your the type that make real nannies look bad. How can we get respect in this profession if we aren't as professional as can be??

Anonymous said...

If you're five minutes late every day, you can just as easily be five minutes early. Why keep doing something that clearly irritates your employer?

I've commuted up to 60 miles each way for work and managed to be on time with very, very rare exceptions. It always amazes me when people seem surprised that they're expected to actually show up when they've agreed to be at work.

Once I had an employee who was chronically late. He explained that he had to drive a particularly crowded corridor. When it was pointed out to him that literally everyone in the department (20 people) drove the same corridor, he said "Oh, you mean I should be on time, too!" as if it were a big surprise. (BTW, the revelation didn't change his behavior, and, no surprise, his general lack of motivation meant that he got shown the door. It really is about respect for the job, and for your employer/fellow employees.)

Anonymous said...

I have a very long commute to work (1.5 hours each way 3 days a week and 2.5 hours each way the other 2 days). I take the train so I can't do much if there are delays.

My employers knew this when they hired me. I am probably late once or twice a month but only because of train delays . My employers are nearly never on time anyway so they can't complain (come home 15-45 minutes late 18 out of 21 days)!

Supernannynnj said...

Late is late. Period. You accepted a position a good distance from your home, and I am sure, during the interview process, you assured the mother that the distance wouldn't be an issue. Clearly it is. The solution is simple, leave 15 minutes early.

However, the real problem is stated by you. The mother and you don't click and that will probably never change. So I would suggest you look for another family.

Getting back to the lateness issue. Great care is important, but so is being on time, which is part of great care because you are setting an example for the children as one of the adult authority figures in their lives. Being consistently late, no matter 3 minutes or 5 minutes shows a lack of respect for your employer and your job. Therefore, why should she respect you? Besides if you do the math, having worked three months and assuming you arrived 5 minutes late 2 times each week,you have been late a total of 2 hours! So if you look at it that way, she docked your pay 2 hours that day she sent you home early. She probably did it out of aggravation because you are late so often. Many jobs will dock you 15 minutes each time you are 5 minutes late. So it you go one step further, and assume you were late just once a week for the past three months, but were docked 15 minutes each time, that works out to the three hours you lost. And before anyone says it, they probably don't have a written or verbal agreement, and that's probably not what was going on in her employer's head, but I am fairly sure her employer pulled the three hours work out of anger and possibly spite.

I think your relationship with this employer is damaged beyond repair. You should give notice and look for another job. You yourself know you guys don't get along, this is unlikely to change.
But be on time or 5 minutes early for your next job. This will help you work towards a happier relationship with your next employer. Good Luck!

Kate in CO said...

There is no excuse for lateness....prepare accordingly and start showing up 5 minutes early.....you OWE your employer that. I am a licensed childcare provider & I charge $2.00 per minute late after 5:00pm. Maybe you wouldn't be late if your employer docked you $2.00 per minute late out of your paycheck!!! My Dad taught me that lateness (chronic) is SELFISHNESS.

Anonymous said...

you should probably just find another job if you're having such a hard time making it to work without being late.
it's just 5 min., but it's pissing the employer off. make it to work when you're supposed to, or find another family that doesn't have such a big stick up their ass.

Anonymous said...

My kids school charges 1 dollar per min. we are late picking them up! $1 !!!

LindaLou said...

You should be on time for work. Period. Particularly now that you know it's a deal breaker for your employer.

Miserly Bastard said...

Leave for your job 10 minutes earlier than you normally do; I dont condone rudeness, but being on time is part of the job.

Anonymous said...

Would you be 5 minutes late for someone who is not a SAHM and needs to leave her home at a specified time every day? No. Then why would you treat your employer differently? It's like telling her that her time isn't important and you would rather be 5 minutes late than act maturely and be prepared for bad traffic. My job starts at 9am but to prepare for the worst, I leave my house a lot earlier than necessary so that I'm late only once or twice a YEAR (due to bad snow storms or main water breaks).

DisorderGirl said...

I am always chronically late for every job I ever have. It sucks because it doesn't make for good references. Anyway I got curious and apparently it is a major symptom of adult attention deficit disorder. Interesting in the least. So there IS an excuse after all!!!

Anonymous said...

yea it's a symptom of loserness

Anonymous said...

It may be an excuse, but it's definitely not a good one. Nobody is going to excuse your perpetual tardiness because you tell them that it's a disease.
Leave home earlier. It's what mature adults everywhere do.

Anonymous said...

What is with all the SAHM haters? Why is it any of your business? Get off your sanctimonious high horse.

No, it's not like working in a cubicle with your boss. It's like co-parenting in a way. It's give and take.

disordergirl said...

Oh goodness it was a joke, take it easy, and try not to be so mean!! Happy people have happy lives. Mean people need to figure out their disorder and get medicated!!!

Sue Doe-Nim said...

I think you need to leave 15 minutes earlier and show up on time.

emily said...

6:05: It's not like co-parenting at all because one of you isn't a parent and doesn't have the authority of a parent.

There have been a few inappropriate comments about SAHMs (someone always has to be inappropriate on sites like these) but for the most part people have just been honest. As a nanny, I spend a great deal of time with SAHMs and consider many of them my friends, but I still woulndn't work for one. That's not hating, that's making the best professional decisions for myself.

And, to answer your question, it's our business because a SAHM asked a direct question about why someone said they wouldn't work for a SAHM. This is called discourse, someone asks a question, other's give their honest opinions. No one (except the crazies, who should be ignored) is "hating".

Relax!

mom said...

As a SAHM I can see why it would be hard for a nanny to work with a mom under foot all day.

But as a mom I can see why it would be beneficial to the kids to have mom nearby, as opposed to completely out of their lives all day, day after day.

Tricky situation.

Anonymous said...

Who says mom is nearby?
Mom is chomping at the bit to get away from her kids, hence her anger over the five minutes late.
Nah, I would re evaluate working for this stingy sahm. She probably wants to pull and andrea yates. that is what i think of sahms with nannies.

Anonymous said...

I would have to say being late on both sides isn't good. But we can let lateness bypass once in a while.Cutting off on someones hours , thats not right.Going on vacation and not paying your employee isn't righ at all. The point im trying to bring out is we have to take into consideration the time is essential. We are 1 minute late and we are thrown off course.

Anonymous said...

Read OPP's post again 12:47. She wasn't 1 minute late once. She's late on a regular basis. She's unprofessional.

Anonymous said...

There is NO excuse for being late. PERIOD.

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny who works for a family where the mom is always 15-25 minutes late. I am always early or on time when I arrive at their house. I am never paid for my extra time. I feel disrespected by her and like she doesn't value my personal life. Except for occasional weather problems, I think you should always be on time and if you must be late, at least call the other party. I think the mom must feel the same way when her nanny is always late.

sar said...

5 minutes late nanny should go and work for 'angry because my baby was crying' mom. I think they would be a good mix.

Anonymous said...

lol...she sounds like a lady i used to work for. anyway, i understand commuting problems, just start leaving 10 minutes earlier, i would always be early than late. i would also suggest that you talk to her about the "early off" days. If she has an opinion of "i can do it, i employ you" as my previous employer did, i would honestly give my notice because it will only get worse.
Nannies are "employed" by parents, but parents, know that we can leave when we choose. Do not think that you or your family is doing the nanny any favors. Please treat your nanny with respect.

Anonymous said...

There are reasons that a SAHM might need a nanny that I could see....what if the mom has a medical condition (epilepsy, severe back pain...etc) that would make it hard or dangerous for her to be the sole caretaker, what if she's also caring for an ailing family member, what if she has multiples or many kids, what if she has a special needs kid plus other kids or she's trying to embark on a career (writing that novel, going to school, gathering contacts/investors for a startup etc) to help her family financially. Probably not, but its possible....

But a mom having a nanny just for extra R and R, no, I wouldn't want to be her kid!

Anonymous said...

It seems strange that your employer has a problem NOW. She then decides to dock your hours without notice. Sounds to me like she's running out of funds for her lifestyle. I think she's looking for a reason to let you go.

In the future, you may be stuck with an employer who is not tolerant of tardiness. So I thinks it's best if you change your habits to try to be on time, or even a few minutes early. Take it from a person who used to be late all the time. There's less stress when you give yourself a little extra time.

Sulynne said...

By God! You people haven't a clue, do you?!

Speaking to the moms out there: Obviously, your child is your life. When you trust a nanny by bringing her/him into your home to raise your child for the 10 hours a day that you're not there to do it yourself, you ought to know enough about human decency to treat the nanny as you would any other cherished member of your extended family. That nanny (if she stays long enough), will be HUGE in your kids' eyes now; and later on, when they're grown. It pays to do some legwork, get references, state your expectations up front and in writing if necessary, and pay her/him a DECENT wage. Being a nanny is hard work, and often thankless. Kate, my father also had a saying: "Respect given is respect gained earned." While I do agree that a nanny shouldn't be late all the time, (and it does not seem this was the case here), people are human! Traffic and other obstacles happen. To the poster/nanny: It will benefit you to draw up a legally binding contract (it's failry simple, just remember to have it notarized; if you belong to a nanny association they may help you with the legal jargon). Among other requirements, the contract should stipulate that you will be paid for a minimum number of hours, regardless of whether your employer's schedule changes. However, if your employer wants to treat you like a factory worker who has to, in effect, punch a time clock daily, then you should treat her like any old employer; one who must be made mindful of the rights of employees working in the US, and the penalties he/she may incur for abusing those rights.

Lolla Lee Lou said...

OP, you are definitely passive-aggressively showing the mom your disapproval and lack of respect. Your whole post reeks of disrespect for your employer. Your whole point is why should your employer care that you are late everyday -- she has nothing important to do. This very thought should tip you off to the fact that you are doing something wrong by being late every day. She has every right to be angry.

I think it is very presumptuous of you to think that she has nothing important to do. You don't know what she has going on. You assume you know everything, but really you don't.

When I had a regular sitter/nanny who was constantly late every day, (15 minutes usually but could be longer) it was a huge problem for me. I was breastfeeding the little one but also needed to take my older one to school. Never knowing if the sitter would be on time caused me a lot of problems. Do I dress the baby? Start feeding now? Wait because she will be here momentarily? Etc.

Even if your employer truly doesn't have anything important to do, you are the employee. It is not for you to judge her. She is not subject to your judgments. Your job is to be there on time and to be respectful. You are indeed trying to assert your power over her, as a previous commenter said. And she has shot back and put you in your place by docking your pay and letting you go after 2hours. She is showing you that as the employee, it is wrong for you to try to assert your power over her.

Wake up, OP. Your employer has probably already found someone new. At the very least, she interviewed some people the day she let you go early.

If you have any hope of keeping your job and turning this around, you should go to her and tell her you're very sorry for being late all the time. Explain to her that you have the utmost respect for her, and that you will do your best to never do it again.

From now on, think in your mind that your job starts at 7:45. This will help you to be on time, if you keep thinking to yourself that you have to be there at that time and stick to it. If you are late for 7:45 then so be it, you will really still be on time for your 8:00 job.

This means that you are to be there, coat off, shoes off, whatever the case may be, READY to work, BEFORE 7:45. This does not mean you walk in the door at 7:45.

This is what it means to be a babysitter or nanny. Get used to it or get a different job.

cali mom said...

Well, by that reasoning 6:39, a salary that is based on a 5 hour workday should actually be based on a 5 1/2 hr workday, if an employee is expected to show up and cheerfully pitch in to start fulfilling their duties 15 minutes BEFORE official working hours, and apparently as many believe, the parents have every right to get home 15 minutes or so late and it's none of the nanny's business.

That said, OP, some employers will be obsessive and nitpicky about 5, 10 or even 3 minutes here and there, (and they do have the right to be) and some won't. The mom you work for obviously is, so IF you want to continue working for her, you need to be on time regularly. While it would NOT be fair of her to start asking you to work 15 minutes before you are supposed to be "on" every day any more than it would be fair of her to arrive home to relieve you 15 minutes late every day, it doesn't sound like she was any less disrespectful of your time than you are of hers. Although, as has been pointed out, SHE did not handle the situation professionally. If you don't have a work agreement stating she pays you for a minimum number of hours every day, you have no recourse.

I do think she is probably no more thrilled at working with you than you are with her and it is probably nnow the classic race between you to see who can make the other obsolete first. So if you haven't given her notice, don't be too surprised if she beats you to it.n You'll do better with an employer who is more relaxed about time, and if you can't find one, stick to your agreed upon schedule and don't be late habitually.

cali mom said...

I meant to say, she was not any MORE disrespectful of your time than you were of hers.

lolla lee lou said...

To Cali Mom, I am usually quite underwhelmed by your posts. Read mine carefully before offering your criticism. Then you will see that what you are saying is unfounded. I had pointed out that a sitter/nanny should arrive ahead of time so that she is READY TO WORK by, before, or no later than, her work time.

I suggested that the OP think in her own mind that she has to be there at 7:45 instead of 8. If she really gets this into her head, she will actually end up being on time for 8.

Nowhere did I ever say that an early bird who pitches in ahead of time should not be paid. Nor did I say that employers should be late and shouldn't compensate their employees.

So try reading more carefully and being more precise, Cali. Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I am the SAHM with the F/T nanny who posted the original question. I have to laugh at all of these posts of the visions of us "getting our nails done" and having "botox" or being "free to do what we want to do". I honestly do not know if that is true in most cases, but in MY case it certainly is not. Just like you nannies do not want to be judged by one "bad nanny", you should not ASSume things about us SAHM's with nannies either. My husband and I do own our own business, but he chooses for me to stay at home. It was HIS idea to get a nanny because he was 53 when our last child was born in 2007. I also have fibromyalgia and so the physicalness of a toddler is the hard part for me. I am certainly most capable of raising my children and am involved in every aspect. I have a 21 year old who is married, a 10 year old and a 19 month old. I also have 4 step children who range in age from 18-31. So, I explain all this to you, so that you can get your head around the fact that not all SAHM's with nannies are out playing tennis, getting manicures, shopping all day. If I go shopping, the baby and nanny go with me, and she's just doing the physical work of lifting the baby in and our of car/seat and stroller. I wish my life was as glamorous as you all think it is!

Lauren said...

Are you really the Employer of the OP? How did you find the post? Seems a bit odd. And did you mean physicality as opposed to physicalness?
I, too SAHM with nanny and I would just never take the time to defend my lifestyle to any anonymous posters on the internet. I know that I am happy and most importantly, my children are happy.

Anonymous said...

More importantly, mom of the nanny, what did you think of your nanny's post? You got a lot of support here from the commenters on her tardiness, but did it make you want to let her go? I think my blood would be boiling if I saw my employee portray me that way.

Anonymous said...

UGH sorry I confused everyone, I am new to the site. I was the original question asker of 2:52 above NOT of the original poster nanny. Sorry for the confusion. I just jumped in the thread and asked a totally OT question when I saw a nanny say she would never work for a sahm.
Sorry again!

Anonymous said...

Lauren, we do want to hear it though. We wish you'd justify your lifestyle. 2:52/9:28 certainly has. Now how about you?

lauren said...

Justify my lifestyle to "anonymous".

How about, 'it suits me'.

Anonymous said...

lol

Anonymous said...

Lauren, We might have guessed!

jerseyxjacqui said...

Lolla Lee Lou, I wouldn't want to be the nanny working for a tyrant like you. This isn't boss-employee relationship that you'd find in a corporate office or a retail establishment. A nanny should be more than the HELP or simply an employee. Nanny and employer have a very personal relationship that goes beyond the standard working business relationship you find in other jobs. As nannies, we are not here to bow down to our employers or dole out respect just for the sake of being subservient...A nanny/employer relationship is based on understanding, talking and decision making together. I am not justifying lateness in ANY way (I am absolutely horrified on the rare occassions I am late, especially considering my employers have to catch a bus) and I think the OP sounds like a bad fit for the SAHM she works for.
The way you're scolding her actions and yapping about RESPECT and UTMOST respect for the employer is just silly though. Employer should respect the nanny just as much as nanny should respect employer. Again, this isn't your regular, everyday boss to employee relationship. It's a lot more personal because there are children involved. You don't want to rule your children's caregiver with an iron fist.

So stop with the "YOU ARE THE EMPLOYEE YOU WILL BOW DOWN TO THE EMPLOYER" crap...We nannies should be treated as part of your family..not as the hired help. If you can't handle that, you should consider caring for your children full time, on your own.

Anonymous said...

Hail, JXJ! Great post!

Anonymous said...

I would have to highly disagree with all of you women saying that 5 minutes late is a huge deal. I have been a nanny now for over 3 years and have been a few minutes late from time to time as well. It was never really made in to a huge deal and I believe that is because of how hard I worked for these families. You stay at home moms don't know what it is like to work 12 hour days and pretty much have your entire life dedicated to your job. Being a nanny may sound like easy money but I can tell you that it is most definitely not. I practically raised those kids on my own while mom and dad were nowhere to be found half the time. Most of you women have things handed right to you (and i don't mean all of you so dont start with the attacks) Its easy to be on time for everything and to always be prepared when you don't have anything else to do with your time. I wake up at 6 am everyday and every night which leaves me absolutely no time to do any of the things that I need to do outside of work. Maybe you should all put yourselves in your nannies shoes once in a while and remember that were people too.

Lizzie said...

you all are freaking nutty.

being five minutes late is not a huge deal. Especially if you spend 12 hours with the children and you are driving far. And when its a lot more common for the parents to arrive home a 15-45 minutes late. I could understand all of you if this nanny was constantly 15 or even 10 minutes late, but 5 minutes?? Its an issue, but definately can be ignored, especially if you are doing a good job with the children.


And people do think that its super easy to be a nanny, but what people don't realize is that taking care of children isn't always simple, especially when they're not your own.


your boss shouldn't have snipped at you right away, it was immature of her and she should have confronted you in a more adult way and atleast be honest with docking your hours for that day, because to me, that just sounds like a bitchy way to handle an employee anyway. Which also would not fly in a regular job.

UmassSlytherin said...

I personally do not think that an employee should be periodically five minutes late. I don't want to sound like an ass, but if you're five minutes late, then you have to take your coat off, maybe go to the bathroom, put your lunch away, etc. you know, then it is a sort of gap that can't be ignored. I think people should be ready to be on the floor so to speak at the time they are supposed to be at work. Sorry but that's what I think.

p.s. Just a quote from Anchorman, the legend of Ron Burgundy:

“I’m Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I’m polite and I’m rarely late."

jojo bear said...

Being late is a big deal. People who are chronically late are assholes. You arrive at your job at the time you are supposed to. It shouldn't matter what the job is. You have a start time, adhere to it.

Umass, if only I found you funny, I would enjoy you more.

UmassSlytherin said...

Jojo,

you don't find me funny?

Oh my god.

Oh geez...

oh my freaking god....somebody hand me the freaking razor......

jojo doesn't think i'm funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!