Received Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Greetings,
TELL ME IF WE ARE OVERREACTING HERE PLEASE! I only wish I had placed a secret camera on our baby Madeline to see what this woman did to her during the day.
My wife took our almost 3 month old daughter Madeline (born 9/10/2007) to her first day of daycare yesterday Monday the 3rd of December.This was to be her first time away from us for longer than just a few hours. Both of us were very worried but we had done all the necessary background checks and found this woman Helen K. (full name available) in Berkeley with the help of using Bananas. http://www.bananasinc.org/
We paid half of December up front to reserve the spot. My wife said that the place was clean and there were no complaints about this woman Helen K. in Berkeley. My wife had made all the arrangements to drop her off at 8am and pick her up by 5:30pm. The cost was about $800 a month to go up in January to about $930 a month. We paid a deposit which would count for half of December. I'm still trying to figure out a MOTIVE for the child care provider Helen's behavior. Helen had said she was to be closed for 10 days in December and we figured out a plan to have Madeline with family the last two weeks of December. My wife had not yet told Helen this and told her when she dropped Madeline off the first day so this might have upset Helen to do what she did. The first thing Helen was telling my wife was that we owed her MONEY for the rest of December. But let's get to the story.....
So my wife prepared a diaper bag with bottles and specific instructions on how much formula and when to feed our baby. The next feeding was scheduled for 9am. My wife prepared all 4 bottles for Helen and even put in the formula can (Alimentum which is very expensive). She wrote notes on everything so that Helen knew her schedule and when to feed her. My wife got there spoke with Helen and reluctantly left Madeline with the babysitter at about 8am and went to work. When she went by at lunchtime to check up and see baby Madeline she was astonished to find the following.
A) A different pacifier in our baby’s mouth and a different bib on our baby. My wife Questioned Helen saying we put our own pacifier in the bag. Helen said it was too big? My wife told her It’s 0-3 months and is the same sized Pacifier we always use. Also we provided Helen with all of the needed things for Madeline like a bib and diapers and such. WHY DID MADELINE HAVE ON A DIFFERENT BIB? Somebody else’s pacifier and somebody else's bib were on our baby.
B) When my wife asked Helen when she fed baby Madeline because the first feeding was supposed to be at 9am HELEN said 11:00am??? We told her the last feeding was 6am at home so 9am is 3 hours later. Helen said YOU FEED YOUR BABY TOO MUCH? Wait a minute...we are paying her to take care of our baby and that's what our instructions were. This lady Helen was not going to feed our baby according to the schedule that we specifically gave her.
C) Baby Madeline was very dazed and out of it…almost as if she had been drugged or put to sleep with something other than the Formula.
D) Helen was demanding that my wife pay the rest of the month of December but we told her that we had the last two weeks covered especially because this woman was to be closed for 10 days from December 21st to December 31st. She was rude to my wife saying You pay You pay. You pay.
My wife had to go back to work and then at the end of the day she goes back to get Madeline and it's even worse.
E) When the day was over and my wife went to pick up Baby Madeline Helen also said my wife was late at 5:30pm.?? My wife had made arrangements all ahead of time for 8am to 5:30pm that’s 9.5 hours. The woman advertises her rates at 50 hours a week. That’s (5) 10 hour days??? How was she late and why was this lady Helen demanding that she pay extra when there was still in fact another 30 min left to the 10 hour day???
F) Madeline was screaming when my wife got there. She said what have you done to her? She's screaming and you just leave her there? Didn't pick her up or anything...Helen said "YOU DID SOMETHING" to my wife...also she said "you are the one holding her it's your fault".....So then my wife asked her…when did you feed her last? This is so we know when to feed her again. Helen said why? “You think I feed her bottles to somebody else?” “WHO else would eat her food?” She was again Rude and abrasive to my wife. She again said "You feed your baby too much" Upon further inspection the bottles appeared to have been just dumped out!!!! the nipples not even wet or gushy like they get after the baby eats from them. Also we gave her 4 bottles. So going by the baby needs to eat every 3 hours and we told her the feedings would be 9am, 12noon, 3pm and 6pm. BUT IF SHE FED HER AT 11am? That would then mean 2pm was the next and then 5pm so she only fed her 3 times why then were all 4 bottles empty?
G) Madeline had a big stool filled diaper when my wife got there. My wife tried to change her and they REFUSED and grabbed Madeline away from my wife saying that they would change her? But I thought she said my wife was late?? Why would they try to continue to work if it was past time for her to be picked up??
H) They handed my wife an empty diaper bag. They took everything out of it. The diapers the formula the clothing and all her things were removed. They said they would keep those. But my wife said no…she’ll make the bottles and she’ll keep the bag packed each day and they shouldn’t remove everything…and if they did remove the things then why didn’t they see her bib and her other back up pacifier? We were not able to count how many diapers were used. We wanted to check that to be sure she was being changed regularly. This woman removed everything and refused to give it back to my wife....What if My wife needed to change her? Helen just kept all the supplies??? the diaper bag is where all of those things belong...not at Helen's house.
I) Helen was rude to my wife. She is not a good caretaker. Madeline’s eyes were completely bloodshot with burst blood vessels like she had cried all day. She wasn’t fed. We fed her at home and she immediately gulped up an entire bottle in 5 min. When she ate again she was hungry as ever only an hour or two later.
We are not taking our baby Madeline back to this woman.. She was rude to my wife. Completely terrible and dishonest. We are just going to make arrangements for our family members to take care of our darling little girl Madeline.
It was a complete disaster.
-JF, CA
94 comments:
How horrible!!! I am so sorry you had to deal with that horrible, bad and idiotic daycare "provider!" Not only would I now bring the baby back, but I would absolutely report her to whatever county liscensing departments you possibly can! The only thing I don't think is a big deal is the bib... it doesn't really matter what bib a baby uses, so long as it's clean when you put it on.
I think you need to demand she return your things, and if she refuses, document exactly what is said and include that with the report. Put a warning on craigslist too about this woman, hopefully it will help other parents avoid her.
I wish I still lived in the Bay Area, I would volunteer to nanny for your family in a heartbeat! A newborn infant should be kept on the same schedule a parent puts them on, and should be pampered and snuggled and loved 110% of the time! It sounds like she didn't get any of the wonderful treatment she deserves. I am so so so sorry you experienced this, and I hope this stupid bi*** gets shut down very quickly! I can't imagine what kind of person could not only seem that airheaded and neglectful, but be so incredibly rude to the parents of the baby. I can't imagine how she would be to the baby. Don't bring her back, not for 5 minutes. She is your angel and it is up to you to protect her. I only hope you aren't jaded enough from this to mistrust in any child care ever again. There are really great home daycares out there, and also really great nannies.
Sorry for writing so much, I am just horrified, completely, at what has happened. Maybe you can look into getting a nanny share with another family? Then you can still pay the same price, but you get the one on two or three attention and quality care. I promise there are TONS of great nannies out there, and I would so highly recommend you try that route if you can. Please feel free to click on my name/blog and ask away with any questions you have, I would be happy to try and answer them and help you find a better situation.
background checks aren't enough. You need to speak with the parents of other children she has cared for. This woman sounds like a nut job. And WHY did your wife leave her there after she stopped in at lunch time?? THAT is the craziest part of this whole story. You need to go with your gut in cases like this....now, different bib, different paci, NO BIG DEAL, but baby looked "DAZED AND OUT OF IT" and admitedly not fed on schedule?? HUGE red flag. I'd have taken my db from there right then and there...and if she looked drugged, taken her to the peds or ER.
That should say "NOT" bring the baby back, not "now." Sorry for the typo.
omg. i just wanted to say that i'm so so sorry that that happened to your family. how awful!
if she was looking dazed or lethargic and she had red eyes at the end of the day, PLEASE take your baby to her doctor or the hospital. those are signs of shaken baby syndrome. please get her checked out to make sure she is ok. i really wish you the best of luck.
This is just horrible and I do hope you never take your child back there;however, I am almost as disturbed that your wife left the baby there the rest of the day. Particularly since she suspected the child may have been drugged.
I am going to assume you are new Parents and made a mistake. Your Wife should have left with your Daughter when she came during lunch. But I will say I am proud of the both of you for doing a 'pop-in'. Most Parents don't do this, and should.
Your instincts should tell you that you are NOT overreacting, you shouldn't have to ask us.
The least of your worries should be the money ... sue her in small claims for that later. The bib, no big deal, albeit I would've been irritated, too. The pacifier, that was nasty. Who knows if it was clean or not, or had germs from another child. She also had NO right to dump your diaper bag and keep it's contents.
The baby not being fed bothers me, and you know what a used bottle looks like ... that's entirely disturbing. Especially with the description your Wife gave of your Daughter being 'dazed', what if this Lady drugged her? You should take her to the ER tonite and get her tested. Have it on record! You made need it if something shows up and have to press charges on her! Please let us know what happens.
Bottom line, you made the absolutely right decision not to take your baby back to this horrible woman. Good for you!
What a horrible, horrible woman! Please take your daughter to the hospital to be drug tested/checked if she seemed dazed. Re: keeping your belongings, call the police and get your stuff back, (and to report it of she was drugged etc.) Let other parents see the police show up there, serves her right and they will be warned too. I hope your baby OK!1
Sorry, to hear what happenend to you. Thats ashame. Just a thought since your baby is still so little. Do you think any of your family members would be able to watch her for two or three months? I know its hard to ask and rely on family, but maybe theres someone that could help. And of course pay them as well just like you pay daycare. I am thinking of a aunt or niece, cousin. Until, your baby is 6-9 months old. Or maybe, your wife could work a weekend job, and you watch the baby. Trust me time goes by fast! If you can afford to wait for a few extra months its worth it.
I was thinking if the baby seemed dazed it could be because the provider wasn't feeding her. Her blood sugar probably dropped. We all know newborns have to eat constantly. And for her to state you feed her too much is astounding. As a parent you know when and how much your child eats.
Like others stated you should report her to the states welfare office for children.
What a terrible experience for you (and Madeline). I would err on the side of caution and get her examined by a pediatrician. Lethargy or altered level of consciousness, and conjunctival hemorrhages (broken blood vessels in the eyes) could be signs of shaken baby syndrome. Is Helen a licensed childcare provider? Consider taking these concerns further - sounds like she needs investigating.
I am sorry for what happened to your baby, but what kind of parent in their right mind would leave their child with "Helen" after what she saw at lunchtime? Your wife is just as much to blame. And your baby having a different bib on is no big deal, calm down with that.
Was this daycare even accredited? Did you visit for observation before you picked it? Did you talk to other parents? I've never heard of not keeping a detailed infant feeding log. How many caregivers are there and how many other children. Sounds like you needed to do some more homework before leaving your child there. To find a good daycare, contact a local college that offers an early childhood education curriculum and find out what daycare centers they use as teaching centers (most have an observational study requirement and they do it at high quality childcare centers), your local childcare council and NAEYC (the National Association for the Education of Young Children). Always visit before you select a daycare and look for the following red flags:
1. use of swings or other devices whose purpose are avoiding having one of the caregivers interact with the children
2. propping bottles
3. bottles that appear cloudy--some care givers mix cereal into bottles to stretch feeding, a dangerous practice that can lead to choking
4. do they support breast feeding and how do they handle, heat and store breast milk (same question for formula, but even more critical for breast milk)
5. dirty dishes or bottles in sinks
6. are rubber gloves and paper sheets (like you see in the doctor's office) set up in diapering areas
7. is there an odor near the changing table from overfull diaper pails
8. do caregivers keep daily logs and ongoing journals for each child
9. are there assigned cribs
10. what is the emergency evacuation plan for the center
11. How loud is the room? A good daycare is not full of screaming children at all times. While drop off and pick up times are usually loud, happy, satisfied infants don't spend the whole day crying
12. Check that their NAEYC accreditation is up to date as well as any local licensing requirements.
Good luck. Sounds like you had a horrible first childcare experience, but just as there are good nannies out there, there are also good daycare centers.
10.52 -"Your wife is just as much to blame"
Give the poor mom a break! It's her first time leaving her baby - she probably doesn't really know what to expect or how to handle it. At least she dropped in at noon to check on her.
She is NOT to 'blame'. Maybe what she observed seemed more significant or worrisome in hindsight, or she just didn't know how to handle it at the time. She probably does wish she took Madeline away when she checked in at noon but she doesn't need us to beat her up about it.
OP - please let us know how your daughter is, and the outcome if you take this further.
I agree with the people above who say the baby needs to visit the hospital. Go immediately. If this was today and she was drugged, there will probably be traces still in her blood. You won't have to wonder any longer about that.
The bloodshot eyes sound far more like shaken baby syndrome than from crying all day.
Did you ever consider that the baby may have shaken baby syndrome and was semi conscious all day, and therefore was unable to drink the bottles...which would then cause the witch of a babysitter to have to pour all of the bottles out to make it look like she ate?
I would take the child to the hospital immediately and call the police from your car on the way to report that you think your child may be a victim of abuse. Obviously, you will tell the doctors the same thing. They have a duty to report. Demand your money back and file suit against both the babysitter and the agency who helped you find her. This will all become public record, so the next person who looks won't say, "there are no complaints against her." Complain everywhere you can reasonably find to do so.
Don't assume that because your baby is awake and eating now that she is out of the woods. Don't put her down to sleep tonight without having her checked out.
Also, Eric's mom is right. A baby this young needs loving face to look into all day long, every day.
Good luck to you.
Let us know what happens.
And, thank you for being the kind of parents to check up on your child's care during the day. You may have averted a tragedy. I Know you are new parents and this situation probably caught you way off guard, but she's YOUR baby. Don't let anybody tell you that you can't change her diaper, or that you can't have your things back.
I agree with 11:23; your wife was overwhelmed with being away from the baby as it is, and perhaps she thought she would be over-reacting if she took Madeline home right then and there. Hindsight is 20/20 and I've been there myself.
Now as far as the lethargy, I remember the first time I had to go out of town for work, and left detailed instructions for my now ex-husband on our baby's feeding schedule. I even put the formula in the bottles, enough for a day and a half of feedings, all he had to do was add water. The next day I was completely freaked out when our child took a SIX-HOUR nap...that is, until he told me that what he would do was, if the baby only took half a bottle, he'd fill it with water again! Meaning the baby was drinking mostly just water for a day and a half!!!!!! (Lackadaisacal care for our child was one of the reasons I left him - and got full custody, BTW.) So that could explain Madeline's lethargy. The red eyes could be from jusy crying, but you can never be too sure - get that precious baby to the peds ASAP! Good luck and be sure to file a report and spread the word about this horrible provider!
Poor Madeline. I am so upset the poor baby had no food all day. I can't image. One good thing is this happened the first day and not any longer.
I would definately report her. She has no right being around babies. Where there other babies crying or looked neglected?
Keep us posted. Give Madeling a extra hug and kiss.
I'm so scared and sorry for you and glad your angel is safe. Do not blame yourself a similar thing happened to me when I left my son a drop off childcare center in Santa Rosa, he smelled like smoke when I picked him up! How was I to know, I'd seen the center recommended in the Press Democrat, the local paper!
Day care in the Bay Area proper can be a crap shoot. Avoid Sheffield Preschool in Berkeley as well, bad, awful boundaries because the owner June runs it right out of her home and her creepy friends and family are usually around. Bananas too is outdated and not a good resource. Ironically you can find great grad students and babysitters through Craigslist and Berkeley parent's network online. I've actually been more impressed , as have my freinds, with day nannies and the Montessoris than I have been with the daycares and preschools in the Bay Area.
Once again I'm sorry you had to go through such an awful traumatic experience.
Children should not be left with anyone until they can tell you what happens when you aren't there. I think it's time for your wife to be a real mother to Madeline.
Have you reported her to whoever licenses daycares to make sure this doesn't happen to someone else's child?
I'm sure you're traumatized but you do have a chance to be a hero for another baby whose parents aren't as astute.
The common denominator in all of the posts: PLEASE TAKE YOUR BABY TO THE DR. ASAP! You delt with this woman 1st hand. You know she was overbearing and nasty and rude, TO YOUR FACE! God only knows what she did to your precious baby behind your back. Especially if your wife had a difficult time with her at lunch, this woman may have been angry and taken it out on your little girl.
I think it may be jumping the gun to say it was Shaken Baby Syndrome, but 2 other things sound more practical. One: she wasn't fed, which could account for her lethargy and crying, and eating 2 bottles back to back. Two: The woman could have been upset with the child crying so much, and slipped her some Benedryl or something. You read about that all the time, and they use it to make the babies sleep.
Whatever it may be, I hope you get her checked out, and please keep us posted!
Don't beat yourself up over what happened. You sound like very loving parents, and you made a mistake. You did the right thing taking your little girl out of there, and I hope you do something about this woman. She does NOT need to be around other children!
If you can afford it, please have your wife stay home for a couple of more months. This time is so important to a developing baby. If not, try to get someone the baby is at least already familiar with.
Also, contact the BBB and make a complaint ... or any other licensing agency in your area. Make sure you tell the facts only, you don't want her trying to sue you for slander. Try to get as much documentation as possible.
If the Dr. comes up with anything, he will be required by law to make that report for you.
Please don't let this go. Who knows what happened behind those closed doors. It's your duty to find out.
I hope your baby is o.k., and God Bless your family.
Don't let some of these hateful posters upset you about your parenting skills. There are nasty posters on every board who have nothing better to do than to insult others. You sound like you may be new or young(ish). Everybody makes mistakes ... just know that in the end you did the right thing and you should be very proud of yourselves.
Madeline is very lucky to have you!
Good luck, and be sure to give us an update soon!
I believe I am the only person who can get hung up on random things...
But it is REALLY bugging me that your main reasons for not bringing the girl back seem to be that the woman was rude to your wife.
Had she been polite... would you bring the baby back?
And I would take the kid to the ER. What if she WAS drugged?
(NO, I'm not trying to battle you or insult you or blah blah blah. But... it's irking me. Along with your wife leaving her there when she looked drugged and wasn't being fed right.)
Regardless, TAKE YOUR BABY TO THE DOCTOR. Call her pediatrician, go to the ER, something. They can help you report the caregiver and be sure your daughter is safe and healthy.
You did not overreact. Your daughter is too young to tell you what happens when you aren't there. It's up to you to trust your gut. If something doesn't feel right, don't leave her there.
OP, this is absolutely horrifying.
FIRST and foremost, as so many other posters have said, TAKE YOUR BABY TO THE DOCTOR. God forbid, if she was shaken or injured, then you MUST take strong action and notify all legal agencies, police, licensing boards, etc. If she turns out to be fine and the symptoms were due to not having been fed properly, stress, etc, then you still should NOT let it go.
Absolutely you should contact Bananas (since this was where you found out about the business) and let them know of your experience. Also, probably one of the most effective things you can do is to tell about this on the Berkeley Parents Network (http://parents.berkeley.edu/) and tell about yourt experience with this place. Ask if anyone has had experience with them as well. If you end up taking legal action (criminal or civil) other accounts of this type of negative experience should help you out.
Also, post about it on "the poop" section of sfgate.com (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/parenting/index?) the parenting blog. Make sure other parents are warned! But do keep it factual, not subjective. Also as was mentioned, craigslist would be a good place to warn parents of this woman.
All that said, PLEASE do your homework before you choose someone to leave your beloved tiny baby with again. Don't just see a name mentioned, call and find out they fit your budget and your schedule and call it a go. I don't think it takes much to get "recommended" by Bananas, I think peple just submit their own info and that's it. But BPN can get you lots of feedback on whatever topic you ask about.
PLEASE update us and let us know what the doctor says about Madeline.
Also, I agree 1000% with the poster who said that if you can afford it, if there is ANY way you can cut back a bit and make it work financially, one of the PARENTS should be the one to take primary care of a baby so young, tiny and helpless. It's SO worth it. They grow SO fast, they need you SO much, they are SO vulnerable, you can beef up your finances later, but there's no way to get back the precious time with your rapidly changing baby once it's past.
I tried to go back to work FT, and hubby went down to PT AND we had a nanny we felt great about but despite all that, it just became clear that we needed to rethink oour priorities, and we figured better to be brok-ish and happy than broke-ish (from paying all the $$ for childcare and DH's reduced work hours) and stressed out.
Great Info. Cali Mom.
This sounds like a horrible place. A good daycare does not allow a new parent to just drop off a child for a 9.5 hour day for the first time. My daycare required a one week transition for a new child: first, the parent comes with the baby to stay in the daycare a few hours for the first day or two, second, the parent comes but steps out for some time during the day once the baby seemed to be getting comfortable, third, the parent leaves for a few hours (not 9.5) to make sure the baby was comfortable with their new caregiver. Depending on the child transition could be shortened to 3 days if they do other or lengthened to two weeks if the baby was not happy (there was even one case where the head teacher ended up reassigning a new child to a different primary care giver during the transition period since the baby seemed to be more easily calmed by her). As for supplies, they gave me a list of what I needed to leave there, including a plastic bin I had to put all the supplies in. They rinsed out bottles when done with them (sometimes the contents were dumped if the baby did not finish a bottle that had been warmed), they and place them in a bag daily so that they don't have an unsanitary condition with tons of bottles floating around. Parents were required to write in a log sheet what the child had eaten before drop off as well as any other instructions, and the caregiver continued to write down all feeding times and amounts as well as diaper changes and what the baby did during the day. They also gave me a written schedule of fees and policies/closure dates. Next time, find a real licensed reputable daycare center, not some shoddy in home group arrangement you found on the Internet. If you are arranging for childcare it is your responsibility to do your homework. The only thing you did that was not a mistake was taking your child out immediately, learn from the experience and be more careful next time.
I agree with everyone else.
So sad.
Is it just me, or is it creepy the way the OP refers to the child?
what's wrong with it?
do you mean "baby madeline"? i think it's endearing - they love her.
I would have hurt this woman.
11:44
I would have paid your bail.
People need to make a big stink when these things happen so that other parents won't unwittingly end up leaving innocent children in danger with these horrible people. I hate hearing these stories, and they seem all too frequent.
Recently I saw on our local news where the police were called by a witness who just happened to see a woman wrestle a small child into the trunk of her car and drive off. The woman, who turned out to be his daycare provider (at an in home daycare facility), was caught very quickly. She explained to the police, as though it was a perfectly reasonable excuse, that she did that to "teach him a lesson" because he was struggling with her as she tried to put him into the car. (You know how the tried and true methods of terror and suffocation always seem to get right through to the kiddos, right?) I quake at the thought of all the other things that probably happened to this child, and the others in her care. What are the chances that she got spotted on her "first offense?" She was shut down that very day because some stranger took the time to make a call.
A little while back, several toddlers were unattended for long enough in a home daycare provider's backyard near here that they all ended up in the swimming pool. Several...it was at least three, maybe more, were dead. Obviously she had not even checked on any of the children for a very long time. I believe this in home facility had received multiple violation notices leading up to this incident. Unfortunately, she was not shut down before it came to this unspeakable tragedy.
A few months back an in home daycare provider let an 18 month old little girl in her care wander around unattended in her driveway and cul de sac as she dealt with having her car towed off for repairs. The child was crushed to death by the tow truck as it drove away.
How would you like to get any of those calls at work?
I know parents do stupid things too, so spare me all the accusations about that. I know I held my kids' hands at all times, always, when we were anywhere near the street or parking lot. I know I watched them like a hawk in the presence of water, always. And, I made sure they were safely strapped in their car seats for every single car ride. I knew they were as safe as possible because I was the one there to make sure they were. I knew they were fed and held and never shaken. They weren't berated or hit. It would have killed me to now that any of these things happened to them. And I don't know how parents ever get over the anger and guilt when a person they have hired harms or kills their precious, innocent little child. If you cannot be there yourself (and I understand that some people really just can't...so no judgment on them about that from me), it is imperative that you make sure you have placed them with somebody that you can absolutely trust to care for them with the absolute highest level of responsibility and maturity.
Try for a loving family member first, if at all possible, if you simply must be away for work.
Great post. This is one that is truly helpful to parents.
Bravo!
My advice......not that anyone cares.....stay home with your child until he or she can tell you what is happening during the day at their childcare..........and I'm an in home provider (licensed)......I do NOT advocate childcare.....this is a prime example as to why I don't. I stayed home and became a licensed provider so I could be with my 4 kids. This post is a tiny example as to what goes on in many daycares....If I absolutely HAD to go out of my home to work.....I would only have family watch my children. The children I watch don't want to be here.....they want to be with their Moms.....I try my hardest to make it fun and like a second home.....I'm just thankful my own kids grew up with ME! 'Sorry.....
What a heartbreaking post.
Such a shame that parents are ever in the position of leaving their infant with strangers. In Canada, Europe and other industrialized nations, 1 year maternity leave is standard. A small tax on your earnings (like Social Security) pays for this and in Canada, you can split the year off between mom and dad if you like. You are paid about 60% of your former wage (up to a certain limit, I believe), and some employers "top it up".
This situation just makes me so, so sad. Of course ITTTA with above commenters who recommend taking baby immediately to the doctor and reporting this abusive "daycare provider" to all appropriate authorities as well as posting on Craigslist, etc.
Good luck to the OP's family.
PLEASE DO NOT TAKE YOUR CHILD BACK TO THAT WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am an in home daycare provider. And what your saying is disgusting. I could not even live with myself if I didn't treat all my daycare children like I would treat my own. I feel very badly for your daughter. I really wish you would have done more investigating when you picked this home. Anytime I have an opening I allow a potential family to call ALL of my existing families. You cannot possibly check enough when it comes to making a decison like this. I think you dropped the ball, anyone this horrible could have been forseen had you spent enough time with her before hand. Good luck to you on your search for another sitter, check, check, and double check...
Oh and I just wanted to add that it seems EVERYONE is advocating a licensed Daycare....bad things happen in licensed daycares as well, so that isn't always going to be the answer. Half of my families are with me after they left bad licensed centers. I am not licensed because of all the hassles that came with getting it. I stand behind my care and I don't need a paper to prove it. Rules like not serving any food that comes from a can (no fruit,veggies, nothing), sleeping cots have to be 6 inches off the floor (my new 500.00 set was 4 inches) and sleeping 2 and a half feet from the next person, that would mean I would have to nap kids in every space in my house. THAT crap, kept me from wasting my time. But that doesn't mean I am a bad sitter. Check check and double check.
Don't mean to sound harsh, but...
I just can never understand why people have a baby if they need to put it in daycare for 10 hours a day 5 days a week at 3 months old.
I do agree with this completely, 6:35. And I didn't want to sound harsh but I have to agree with Mimi about the parents dropping the ball and not researching before entrusting their tiny baby to this person. My husband always says, "well, would you leave $ 10 million there"? In ANY situation. $10 million times $100 billion = not nearly the value of your baby.
6:35- just remember, not everyone plans on having a baby... sometimes they are just gifts when a couple isn't ready. However, I agree that I don't want to choose to have children until I or my husband can stay home for a few years. But, if birth control failed, we would do what we had to do to raise that child.
I would hardly call dropping a baby off and picking it up 10 hours later "raising a child".
I'm happy to see these last few posts.......I feel qualified in saying that in a perfect world......NO child should be in daycare. But, Mimi.....I AM licensed and believe me......if something happens to a child in your care......you're risking your whole future. Here in Colorado, the licensing is lax ( the rules though are for a reason and getting licensed is not hard).....BUT, I carry insurance (daycare & liability) and have legal and binding contracts with my clients. If you are found to be watching children from more than one family here in CO.....you can be fined up to 1000 dollars per child. Also, if the IRS finds out what you're doing......WHOA! I'm SURE you are paid under the table. Your day care parents must be IDIOTS to pay you under the table and not claim their childcare expenses on their taxes. YIKES.....good luck to you.....you're clients are stupid to NOT put their children in a licensed facility. The rules for licensing are for a REASON.....the "crap" you said kept you from wasting your time to get a license. Hmmmmmm. A lot of my parents came from unlicensed homes where they learned a hard lesson.
and licensing and accreditation are two separate things. Centers that bother to maintain the more rigorous accreditation standards as well as meet the legal requirements of their state are the ones to look for.
Kate in CO,
I love your 4:33 post. You make some points that I think are very important.
First, the kids you care for do NOT want to be there. They want to be with their moms. This is how all (Non abused) kids feel. It's not that they never have fun...but its just not the same.
I also like that, being that you had to work, you chose a profession that allows you to make ends meet while still raising your own children. This is a good option for other moms here to consider if they find themselves having to work to survive, but would really rather be raising their own kids instead.
I used to think about what I would do if anything ever happened to my husband, because having to allow my kids to be raised in any kind of daycare was pretty much my worst nightmare. Home daycare...or working at their school...seemed to be the best options in my opinion, because I was not willing to give up raising them myself.
Thankfully, my husband totally agreed that my concerns were valid. Since they mean more to both of us than any amount of money in the world, we went ahead and sunk a good chunk of our disposable income into enough life insurance on him to allow me to raise them completely, in the home they had been growing up in, and without having to use daycare or babysitters (and also send them all to college.) This is also something parents of young children might want to consider if it is at all possible.
Has anyone considered that there are 2 sides to every story? If this side is true it is absolutely awful that a baby was given a strange pacifer and not fed and not comforted.
Also, a baby does not have to cry all day to have blood vessels burst..they just need to cry hard enough, and though this daycare sounds a bit sketchy...it is true that babies cry, and sometimes you have tolet them.
What i wanted to touch on was the fact that you cannot decide to not pay for a part of a month. daycare providers all take vacation and parents still have to pay for it. doesn't that make sense to you.
This is a bad situation, I am happy you have your family to help you sort out the care you need
Many of the posts in this thread are extremely hard on working parents. Some people aren't financially able to stay home with their children, no matter how much they want to. It's not fair to judge someone else's decision to work, especially when you have no idea what their situation may be. And I say that as a SAHM who has made tremendous sacrifices to remain with my son.
OP, it is clear that you love your daughter very much. I hope you've taken her to see a physician, and I'm glad that Helen will no longer be a part of your lives. I hope that sharing your experience prevents other families from being victimized by this woman.
Also, please educate yourselves further in regards to childcare. I am not excusing or defending Helen's behavior, but it is unacceptable to agree to a particular fee, then announce as you are dropping your child off that only half will be paid. Such negotiations should be made beforehand.
meme
I was surprised to hear you admit to being too lazy to go through the proper channels to get licensed. I hope you are doing everything else above board so as not to get into any trouble.
Kate
Running a daycare just so you can stay home with your kids is fine, but I hope you also do it because you love kids and want to be around them. There is a difference.
As for myself, and speaking of sacrifices - I gave up a well paying job to stay home and raise my kids. It has been financially difficult to say the least. We depend solely on my husbands fluctuating income, but it was a decision that was made in the best interest of the children. They wake up to a warm breakfast, I shuttle them to school, I am here to help with homework and give them a snack when they come home. We play games, go on outings ... you get the idea. But just yesterday we got a cut-off notice for our water. I was stressed, but found a way to pay it. I'm sure a lot of parents would be afraid to go through some of what I do - but I know it will always work out in the end, because I know the rewards will pay off big time with my kids.
OP-
Stop worrying about the money. Stop worrying about how rude she was with your wife. Get your baby (or I hope you have by now!), to a Dr.
And please let us know how the baby is doing. You have lots of advice here and I'm sure these people are worried. Good luck to you!
6:49......excellent post. We live in a society that is unwilling to sacrifice for our children. I have had to give up a lot for my 4 kids..........yes, I chose to stay home with them, and yes I chose to do daycare so I could. I do love children......but, to be perfectly honest, there are many days I don't like my job.....but, I CHOOSE to do the best I can because I am serving and loving people when I make that choice. AND, I do it LICENSED.........can somebody tell me what the requirements are to be a nanny? I am asking honestly wanting to know if states have a requirement.
6:49
You are doing the right thing. Later down the line, when you have plenty of money you will see that, although it does make life a lot less stressful not to have to worry about having enough, it is otherwise not all that big of a deal.
My husband and I did what you are doing when our kids were young. We made it work every month, but sometimes barely. Nevertheless,I always felt LUCKY...because I was able to be home with my kids. I would go out occasionally with my girlfriends and have dinner or shop. I was careful what I ordered at the restaurtant because of money. I shopped with them and tried on clothes, but usually bought nothing...and I didn't feel at all sorry for myself. I realized that I was saving my money for the most important reason in the world. I never wanted to jeopardize my ability to be home.
Now my husband has worked for several years and worked his way up the pay scale to where money is no concern. It's nice having plenty, but its not what people might think...at least people who care more about people than money. In the end, things are just things....temporary pleasures. But the memories I have of all the days of my childrens lives so far, and the pleasure we get from being together is what gives me joy. None of the money or stuff gives me actual joy. I would give it all away today and go back to the lean years if it meant the difference between being with my kids everyday or not. I have been in both situations and I can tell you that "selling" your opportunity to be an everyday mom for a fistful off extra dollars would be the biggest mistake you could possibly ever make. Money will always be out there, but your small children will be grown and gone and you will never have a chance to go back.
Not directed at anyone, but if there is a stay at home mom with kids in school but the family is having a difficult time making ends meet... why not get a job while the kids are in class? I know that by the time you drop the kids off and the fact that they probably get out around 2:30 would prevent the mother or father from a standard 9-5 job... but there are always places (i.e.- grocery store, target, etc.) that will hire people for shorter shifts. If the money was really needed and it would better the kids' lives to have that extra $200/week, I'm sure these parents could find places that would hire them for 5 hours a day mon-fri!
I know a lot of schools are willing to hire parents as substitute teachers, librarians, secretaries, or lunchroom ladies.
You would then always be home when your kids are.
As someone who is very happy with the in-home care my childcare provider does, I am disapointed to read your posting. However, by choosing day care rather then one on one care, there are accomodations you have to make to said daycares policies and procedures. I would love to hire one of the outstanding nannies who post on this sight - but I would have to work three jobs to afford one of them! My daughter loves daycare and gets exceptional care, but she is not the only child there and I (an admitted control freak) have learned that you have to take a step back when your child is being cared for in a group environment. I pay 52 weeks a year, regardless of the situation. When daycare closes early, I deal - and I still pay for a full day. I don't make the rules, I follow them. A stool filled diaper - unacceptable. A child that could have been ignored while crying - or worse - abhorrent. HOWEVER, a child wearing someone elses bib? A provider that expects to have a consistent pay schedule? Not a big deal. One on one care can be very specific, as you are paying someone specifically to follow your direction. However, as you were (presumably) not Helen's only client, she does have the right to run the procedurals of her daycare the way she chooses to. Obviously, she was not the right fit for you. Quite possibly, she is negligent. But I really felt like the focus of your post was her attitude not her neglect. I hesitate to write this for fear of being bashed, but if you have family capable of covering your working hours, why was that not your first resource?
mom, 6:49 here
Your post made me feel really good - because I feel really good about what I do. I know the money will always be there, but my kids young years are flying by.
It's usually never this bad, but we are close to the Holidays. In a time that is supposed to be joy, we struggle. But that doesn't mean we won't still have a beautiful Christmas!
To Poster 10:30
I kind of think maybe your post was directed at me, if not, it was a perfect fit. Anyway, the reason I don't work during school hours is because 3-4 days a week I volunteer at my kids school. Most days, I even get to work in their classrooms. You can't beat that! I love doing it, and all those kids love me. I wish I could get paid for it, but again - it's a sacrifice I make to be around my kids.
I can't tell you how many times I've talked to kids in there who've said they wish their mommy could come to the school (the same mommies that don't show up for PTA or school functions.)
We live in a cute cottage, on the beach, fairly small but warm, and we have food on the table, and we are a very close family - that's what counts! The money will come later - your right, mom! - and thanks. :)
6:49- I think what you are doing is great. I am not a parent and when I become one I hope that I or my husband can be a stay at home. But, getting notices your water is going to be shut off!!??!! As much as kids need mothers they need water! I know you said you found a way to pay it but that is a little too scary in my opinion. I would give up the volunteering to have enough money to SECURE my childrens safety over my desire to be with them 24/7. If you are barely making your monthly bills, what would you do if your furnace blew out tomorrow? I totally support staying at home but those that do not have enough money to make ends meet have to weigh the pros and the cons and maybe a little time away from their children is the sacrifice they have to make to know their children will have heat food clothes and hot water. We are all just so quick to judge on these boards but each of us has sacrifices we must make.
I think that is great that you get to volunteer at your school; my dad would come to class and do ALL of the parents day stuff with us, bring me lunch, and take the kids on field trips (everyone always wanted to be in our group!) and I remember that; I went to my parents' house the other day to decorate for Christmas and while we have many beautiful antique ornaments and pricey hallmark collector's ornaments, we also have many "ornaments" that are really small art projects from the kindergarten years and even a hideous nametag that is made from a paper cup to look like a flower and says "so and so's Dad." I look for that thing every year! Sorry... tangent.
Like I was saying, it is wonderful to be able to visit your kids at school every day but I also agree with 1:19... that is why I brought up the point. My comment earlier wasn't directed at you but "inspired" by you, because I know a lot of sahms are in similar situations. The fact that the water bill was an issue is why I would say working is the idea.
This is kinda random but... what grades are your kids in? I liked it in elementary school but I know once middle school started I and other kids would have felt a little silly that our parents were volunteering at school every single day to be with us!
1:19
While I value your opinion - a shut off notice is not a cut off notice. I said that we usually don't have it this bad, but right now, it's a little slow for my husband. I know if it came right down to it, I would figure out a way to pay my bills if my husband couldn't. But I will say this - We have been married 15 yrs. and have never had anything shut off. We used to make excellent money between the both of us, but my husband ASKED me to stay home - and of course I jumped at the idea. My childhood sucked - I could tell you stories that would make you cry. A shut off notice isn't going to scare me into getting a job and being away from my kids. It will get better - it always does. My kids deserve me.
2:00
Elementary school - very young. And yes, I plan on working part time later. Right now I need to be with my kids.
6:49 here
I figured I would tell you about one incident that happened to me in my childhood, and why I feel it's necessary for me to stay home. My parents both worked and my mom had hired a neighborhood sitter.
One day she was in the the kitchen cooking our lunch. I was about 4 y.o. Curious, I came over to see what she was cooking. I guess I got too close because she yelled at me that I would get burned. I stepped back, then out of no where, she grabbed my hand and put it over the flame on top of the stove - and said, "See! I told you you would get burned!" And the story she gave my mother that it was my fault I got too close. I was scared, and hurting and never said a word.
The best part:
About 6 yrs. ago, I got the opportunity to face the babysitter. I told her I remembered what she did to me. She broke down, crying, and said she was sorry. She said she had no business ever watching kids, and that was why she never had any children. When I first saw her, I just wanted to slap her. Afterwards - I just walked away feeling sorry for her.
Again,
I have to agree with 6:49. She'll find a way to make things work.
6:49, when my kids were little we didn't buy expensive toys, and we didn't feel guilty about that. They usually wanted something modest anyway. They got one toy from mom and dad and one from Santa...and with what their grandparents gave them, they were always very happy at Christmas. In fact, they now usually just get the one gift from "Santa," since the jig is up anyway, but they tend to be a bit less modest these days. It's OK because we can now afford it better and they have learned from years past to be grateful for whatever they get.
You remind me a lot of how I raised my kids. I volunteered at the school and would not trade the experience for anything. I did one day per week in each child's classroom. You cannot imagine the pleasure in watching all of the children grow up, knowing all of them, and having so many who I could count on wanting a big hug or to tell me some exciting news in their lives. My own kids were not embarrassed, but proud, because it was their mom who all the kids were crowded around, or lobbied to sit on my "spare" side when I would eat in the cafeteria. And I truly had great affection...maybe even love...for so many of these kids. In the end the experience gave me much more than I could have ever guessed or hoped for. I also made a point to take mine one at a time, on a fairly regular basis, out to lunch at a restaurant with me, and I let them choose which restaurant, as long as it was close enough to get back to school before lunchtime was over. That was always a big deal to them. During the junior high years the boys did want a break from me at school, so I didn't volunteer at their school those years. By high school, they want you back up there again. It is good to give them space when they ask for it, as one poster wisely suggested above also.
Sorry to keep going on and on. But I am truly happy with my kids and have very few regrets about how I raised them. I wasn't perfect, but I always did my very best, and for that I am the one who is now so incredibly grateful, because I cannot have those years back, and I don't know how I could live with a bunch of regrets that I had no way to go back and undo. I just want to encourage those who are at home because I know it is sometimes hard, but you will never regret it.
PS To the lady with the hodgepodge Christmas tree. I love it! Mine is like that too.
Sorry, I've been going on so much. But I meant to say:
A shut-off *warning* is not the same as a cut-off notice.
Either way, it doesn't matter.
Mom - thanks for your kind words. They help.
Sorry if I offended when I asked their ages, just curious! It is great that you can be there and they love having you around now because kids are growing up much younger these days, if that makes sense!
Thanks for the Christmas tree comment, too! My boyfriend's mom buys all new ornaments and wrapping paper ever year to fit a color theme (one year it was like bright pink and lime green... this year happens to be normal, red and green) and I am always weirded out by this because it does't seem personal!
12:10 I also have read and heard first hand very negative things about Sheffield preschool. too many weirdos in Berkeley, definitely do through background checks and ask for references.
The only thing that wouldn't be a big deal, is Mady wearning someone else's bib. Other than that, Helen was way out of line and I hope you do everything in your power to get word out in your community how horrible she is. I sure hope your daughter is ok and that she never suffer though this again.
Also, if you ever have to leave your child somewhere "reluctantly" don't do it. Always go with your gut instinct when it comes to your pride and joy.
Always go with your instincts...they are never wrong.
Your wife smelled a rat when she stopped in at lunchtime. Thank God your baby is ok and I wish you luck finding a competent caregiver.
Kate in Co...
First of all, I hold a college degree, so I am not as stupid as you might think. I am considered a Type B Family in home daycare, I can legally watch 6 children ,with 3 of them under age 2. I DO NOT HAVE to be licensed by the state. It is not because I am LAZY, as suggested. I have a current parent who works for the department of children and families and she has even advised me NOT to go through with licensing. The best licensing I can get is families who have more than one child and have been with me for years, and the waiting list, that proves I provide great care, I don't see the need for a social worker to check my P's and Q's.....Especially in my state where licensing is a pain in the tush, like I stated. For the following..
Am I really going to care to replace all my napping cots because they need to be 6 inches from the floor..mine are 4inches?
Am I really going to worry that the slats on my deck are 3/8 inch to wide, and replace all my decking..when I can just use baby safety netting (BTW my deck is only raised a foot off the ground)
Am I really not ever going to serve them fruit or veggies that are canned...should I stay up half the night prepping fresh fruit?
FOR WHAT??? so some social worker can give me the thumbs up that 6 sets of parents already give me?
What about the part of licensing in my state that says I must have at least ONE low income state vouchered child in a licensed center...the going rate for a voucher is 15.00 a day MAX I charge far more than that...again for what...a thumbs up??? Screw that! If I was in the wrong my families wouldn't be staying years and the stories I hear from the families about their children standing in front of the door on a Saturday chanting "mimi's house" over and over...
And futhermore Kate, my insurance policy is maxed out with a umbrella policy to cover me and they are fully aware of my business, which they cover, a lawyer WROTE my contract and is a phone call away anytime I need to add a new form. My parents do not "pay under the table" THEY All claim...in fact some get childcare benifits at work and they have my money pulled from their checks, pre-taxes for them, I have to signs the forms monthly. My accountant takes care of my taxes. I do know my maid that cleans my house is tax deductable, as well as a part of my car payment because I use my 2008 pathfinder for daycare 80% of the time. Not to mention our lawn care service that keeps the daycare grounds in order, so really Kate...you need not worry about my business being in order...Because it's just dandy!
meme
sorry to have said you were lazy about getting a license. That is the way your post came across, honestly. I love hearing that you have all your I's dotted and your T's crossed. Now that you've given more info., you seem like you have it set up very nice for 'your kids'.
I've read a lot of your posts, and I was shocked by some of the things you were saying, but now I understand.
Good luck to you!
6:49 and 9:48...I am assuming you mean to reference MiMi in your comments. I am Meme and MiMi and I are NOT the same person.
Thank you meme. That was confusing.
OMG! meme, I'm so sorry! I DID have you confused! (No wonder the shock of your post, huh?)
Thanks for clarifying!!
she needs to pick another name, or we better start paying better attention!
ok OP - so where's the update? Hows the baby??
The provider sounds like a horrible woman. Maybe she's stealing your child's things for other babies to use? I hope not, but sounds fishy.
As for the feeding thing, my child was never on a set schedule, so perhaps the nanny just saw fit to feed her when the child seemed hungry. But to go against your wishes and instructions does not seem appropiate to me. She could of at least said, "I tried feeding her at nine, but she wouldn't eat, so I kept trying and she took the bottle at eleven instead." Sounds to me like she was too buzy being lazy and rumaging through your things!!
It is my firm belief that day cares are horrible places for children. If you can't stay home, hire a nanny or figure something else out. As a current day care worker, I know first hand that it is just not possible for kids to get the right attention. In my state, ratios are as follows: (Teacher:Child) ages 0-14 mon. 1:6, ages 15-30 mon. 1:9, ages 3-4 1:12, ages 4-up 1:15
Now tell me your kid gets adequate care when there is one teacher per that many kids? No way. We try, but its impossible. We are underpaid and overworked. My advice, keep your kids out of day care.
You should take some grammar lessons.
who?
When the grammar police are out, it ordinarily ends up being peace/em/she-who-shall-not-be-named simply trying to start a fight and derail the blog.
Just let it go or it gets really out of hand.
Wow, Mimi.....you sound just a touch defensive.....I'm not buying MOST of what you just posted.....as a matter of fact....I'm not buying ANY of it You claimed in your earlier post that getting licensed was "a waste of time". I'm assuming that your state requires it. Tell you what....why don't you go ahead and reveal that State to us? Hmm?
That's probably AAs et al at 12:08.
She's working hard. Don't bite.
__ And, still no update?? I guess we'll never know what happened to poor madeline.
kate in Co,
frankly my darling I give not a darn what you Believe...because it doesn't matter...but just for you...I'll do this...
What must be regulated?
In Brief: Homes and centers caring for more than 6 children must be licensed by the state. Family child care homes caring for 6 or fewer children (Type B homes) are not regulated. Type B home providers may choose to be certified through their county Department of Jobs and Family Services, but it is not required unless they are receiving payment through public funds. Homes caring for more than 6 children must be state licensed
gotta love O_H_I_O!!! Just for you Kate (wink)
I blame the society we live in for alot of this. I mean in other countries a mother can take off from work I believe up to 2 or 3 years, and still have a job available, if she goes back. In some countries I think they even pay them a salary for up to a year? Correct me, if I am wrong.
In this country most mothers have to go back within three months after having a baby. Now I worked in a company that allowed you to have a year off (without pay) and still have a job if you want to return. But I think alot of companies, expect the mom to go back right away. And I think its sad to put a twelve week baby in a daycare.
I think thats why its so hard for working moms to continue with breastfeeding their children. How many jobs have a room setup so you can pump milk for your baby during the day? Now, I heard IKEA has that for their workers. But the majority of places are not "mother friendly".
Just my two cents
Check Working Mother magazine's list of top best companies to see how some companies are changing (albeit slowly) http://www.workingmother.com/?service=vpage/109
I've worked for one of the companies named in the top 10 for the last 4 years and have been able to take extended maternity leave (although only the first 3 months was with full pay), use flex time and telecommuting so I can work at home 95% of the time, and my company offers a service to its employees that helps find childcare. For me, that was a good nanny agency, but it also funds and helps employees find quality daycare centers. My company does have a lactation program and provides lactation rooms and even pays for half of the cost of the Medela pump and lactation consultations. It also helps me pay for my nanny with the help of a flexible spending account (allows you to put aside pre-tax dollars to pay for childcare expenses). Because of my company's policies, I am still part of the workforce because I have been able to be home for my children while maintaining my career. Even though I have approached by several recruiters and my salary is less than I could make at another company, I will not consider jumping because this company allows me to remain a hands on Mom.
12:47
Bravo! You sound like a great mom. I advocate staying home with your children whenever possible, but I know there are alot of women that have to work because of financial reasons and those that do should be allowed to have the same benefits as you. I'm sure many would love nothing more than to stay home with their babies, and it looks as if you found a perfect way!
Mary Poppin pills,
I couldn't have said it better myself!
Excellent post above about the mom's exercising due diligence. What did her references say? Did she check references?
Please please PLEASE contact the authorities about this center. Think about how many other children have been put through what your daughter did. She is lucky that you and your wife are so attentive.
OP, please tell us you took your baby to the pediatrician. Everything you're describing sounds like shaken baby syndrome.
For all you other anonymous posters, this is not the time to offer your judgments about working mothers. You sound like a bunch of bullies.
That's what you get when you want to be cheap!!!! Hire a Nanny and have one on one interaction. Instead of 9-something a month day-care setting, hire a Nanny at $750/weekly and rest assured that your child is being cared for by a wonderful, honest, reliable, responsible Nanny. I've never heard anything good about day-cares. At least every now and then you read about a fabulous Nanny.
brian's two mommies,
I agree that there are problems with daycares, but there are many great daycares out there. My two year old is in a daycare that costs 650 per week. And she isn't in daycare because of a cost saving choice. Regardless of the childcare choice you make, you cannot scrimp on childcare, you just cannot.
But on the other side, blindly paying someone you don't know two shakes about 750 a week doesn't mean anything either.
The solution is to know your childcare provider. Build a relationship built on mutual respect. Stop in at the daycare often, unannounced. Donate old toys to the daycare. Send thank you notes. Stop in on your nanny. Get to know your nanny's friends and family.
People who really know their nannies- as in the truth of their upbringing and their friends and hobbies- they don't usually have problems.
In all areas, the people who hurt are children are the sinister. The wolves in sheeps clothing.
Invest your money, yes- but invest yourself!
I don't know if I believe this story. I wish there was a follow-up
Ditto. I am always suspicious when there's never an update.
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