28 November, 2007

Nightmare nanny in Orinda, CA

Received Wednesday, November 28, 2007
I met your adorable, articulate little boy, Henry, in the park in downtown Orinda (next to the Orinda library) yesterday morning, (11/27). My 18-month-old son liked the green tractor he was carrying, so we stopped to talk to him. Henry told me his name and talked about his tractor and the helicopter on his shirt.

I was immediately worried about him because it was 60 degrees out, he was barefoot in the wet and muddy grass, and he already had a runny nose.

About 15 or 20 minutes later I saw Henry sitting on the big-kid swing by himself, crying. I waved to him, and he waved back. I wandered closer to him, and another woman walking a dog asked me if I knew who he was with, because there was no adult anywhere near him. Henry kept slipping off the swing and trying to climb on. He was still barefoot.

After Henry had been crying by himself for at least 10 minutes, an Asian woman who appeared to be his nanny came over and roughly shoved him onto the seat, so hard that he said "Ow!" Then she pushed him on the swing, and smacked him hard on the back a couple of times when she started yelling at him. She seemed very irritated with him, and kept yelling at him, "Be happy! Be happy or I go away!"

"I'm happy, I'm happy!" Henry replied.

"You have to do this yourself," the nanny told Henry, and walked to a bench across from the swings. But Henry was too small to pump himself in the swing, so he just sat there crying.

The woman sat with her legs crossed and her head turned away from Henry, ignoring him as he continued to cry.

I was heartbroken for this child. I told the nanny I thought Henry was the son of a friend of mine and asked for his last name. She said "Jason." I went home and looked for a Jason family in Orinda, but I couldn't find any.

Please, if anyone recognizes this child, please tell his mother that his nanny is treating him very cruelly.

Henry appeared to be about three years old, although he was very well spoken. He was wearing a yellow long-sleeved shirt with a blue helicopter on it. He is white with tanned skin and brown hair.

52 comments:

happynanny said...

oh, this just breaks my heart!

Poor little Henry! I hope that horribly witch of a nanny gets fired quicksmart!

arg!

Kate in CO said...

Grrrrrr!!......I get so angry...the PARENT should be ashamed.

marypoppin'pills said...

OP
Please go back to that park and try to get more info from the little boy (if he happens to come back). You say he is well-spoken ... at age 3 he will know his last name. I think the Nanny was lying to you when you asked for the last name. This little boy deserves better.
A couple of weeks ago I ran into a little boy that I found out was being abused. I went through a lot of time and anguish to help him and he is now happily with another family member. Please do not let this go. Trust me, you will sleep well at night knowing you got that horrible nanny out of his life. I commend you for stepping forward and speaking up, but Henry needs your help. If more people witnessing abuse stepped forward and did just a little more, i.e., discreetly following nanny home, leaving anonymous messages/notes, reporting info to shool teachers/resource officers, we would feel as if we are making a difference.

mom said...

There was a little girl in my son's kindergarten class many years ago that I did not help and I continue to feel guilty to this day.
Her nanny was mean to her every day...not in a way I would have considered "abusive" at the time, but that I now, being older and having seen more of life, consider to be absolutely abusive. I had been mostly raised and still lived in California at the time and had been fully indoctrinated into the "free to be you and me...everything everybody elses does is A OK...MYOB" culture that is so pervasive there, so I didn't feel it was really my "business." Plus, I had met the mom and seen her on several occasions and was pretty sure she didn't actually CARE how her child was treated and would not have done anything. Still I wish so badly that I had at least tried.
This nanny always spoke harshly to the little girl...who was beautiful, meek and very sweet. (Looking back, she was probably acting like more of a whipped puppy than a complacent little child.)Nanny pulled her along by the arm or even pushed her along to make her walk faster...all the while making angry sounding commands in Spanish. The child was usually just a little bit late to school, was very unkempt looking and hardly ever so much as had her hair brushed. One day when I was working in the classroom I looked over when I heard the door open after class was in session. There stood the little girl, barefoot and looking ashamed. Suddenly a hand came out of nowhere, shoved her in the back and she fell into the room on her knees and the door slammed behind her. Then the door opened abruptly and a pair of shoes flew in and hit the girl in the back as she was trying to get up, and the door slammed again. It made me want to cry. I helped her with her shoes and tried to be extra sweet to her, and then I spoke to the teacher about it. The teacher said that it was "very sad." But in California it just wasn't that out of place to see children being treated like this by babysitters or nannies. I guess this girl touched me more because I saw her every day and worked in the classroom with her.
Then I would see the mother at school functions from time to time and she would be dressed to the teeth and sitting there like she was so superior and special. I would think to myself, "Is what your daughter endures every day really worth that $1000.00 sweater you're wearing, you witch (with a "B")!? Thew child looked like a homeless waif and the mother looked like she had just stepped out of Vogue...every day. One night the mother stopped by the classroom with her child (who had been left in afterschool daycare long past what should have been dinner time) to see what we were all doing at school so late. We were all there with our children getting ready to go onstage for the Christmas pageant that the kids had been practicing for for a couple of weeks during school. It was a really big deal for the kids. The mom didn't even know about it. When the little girl started begging her mom to let her be in the show I heard the mom tell her that, no, she couldn't be in the show because all of the other children were dressed nicely and she looked like a complete mess. I was so mad. First she let her child look like that everyday, and then she hurts the child by telling her how bad she looks and then punishing her for it?! I went over and told the mom that I had a brush with me and would be happy to make her daughter look beautiful for the program. The little girl looked pleadingly at her mom and begged her once again...as the mom stepped from foot to foot considering whether it was worth it to her own ego to have her child appear onstage looking like that. I had the feeling she was leaning on the "No" side, so I just started brushing and telling the little girl how pretty her hair was and how pretty it was going to be when I was finished. The mother finally consented and stomped off to find a seat. When I had done all I could I told the girl that she was very beautiful and that I was looking forward to watching her in the show. She was beaming as I left her. I couldn't help wondering how much more it would have meant to the child if her own mommy had been the one to tell her that. How little it would have taken for that mom to make her own little girl feel special instead of dirty! What a horrible mom...who hired a horrible nanny...and didn't even care! She probably would have just told me to MYOB...but I wish I had told her off anyway. At the very least she would have known that her "classy ACT" wasn't fooling anybody!
Don't bother bashing me. It was a long time ago and I can't do it over no matter how much I wish I could. But maybe I can at least help somebody else have the courage and foresight that I didn't.

Quinn said...

mom- sometimes your posts bother me; the whole constant revisiting of the work/stay home debate, but today, you are dead on! I know the same kinds of moms and it makes me so angry! I know you wish you had said something, but you and I both know "mommy" would have blown you off anyway. How old is that little girl now? It's so sad to wonder what kind of inner wounds children who grow up in that way end up with. Your story was the saddest thing... though this post is just as sad. I hope someone finds Henry's mom.

Anonymous said...

"mom" please learn to use the "return" key.

Anonymous said...

mom - I got teary-eyed reading your post. At least you did try to make the little girl feel better about herself. And no matter what some people say it is not easy to jump in on these kind of situations.

Anonymous said...

so, o.k., I'm an idiot ... what do you mean by use the 'return' key?

Anonymous said...

o.k., wait, I think I got it - make paragraphs?
lol

Anonymous said...

Another useless, abusive, slug. No doubt from the broken english this woman is an illegal alien.

Why do parents keep hiring these people to watch over their children.

Abuse like this can scar little Henry for life. Maybe this slug can do that in her own country and feel no guilt, but in a civilized society she should adapt to our norms.

frmr nanny now a mom said...

This post just makes me want to cry. The image of this poor little boy being screamed at, "be happy, be happy!" and through his tears saying "i'm happy" is just too much for me. This poor little boy is not only being treated badly but will have issues recognizing and dealing with his own emotions in the future if this continues.

Anonymous said...

Mom - your story is wrenching, and so is little Henry's. I'm not sure what could have been done back in the time period you are talking about; fortunately (mostly) things are different now.

I was the neglected child of a mom everyone envied; there wasn't anything anyone could have done to change the situation, and if anyone had said something to my mother, she would have been mystified. Anyway, it certainly wouldn't have changed anything, since she couldn't be any other way.

Over the years, a few, very few, people noticed and offered a some quiet words of encouragement. Some were teachers, some were friends of the family, some were virtual strangers. I've never forgotten any of them, and knowing that other adults saw some value in me was very sustaining as I tried to untangle the mess of my childhood.

Mom, you can't change what happened, but you do know that you gave a neglected child a few golden moments. Maybe she, too, has never forgotten that.

OP, if there's no other way, and your little boy and Henry play in the same park, maybe you can give Henry some of those minutes,too. I don't hold out much hope that his parents care about the nanny, though. The nanny doesn't sound like the type who could even pretend to be pleasant, so learning that she's horrible probably wouldn't be much of a surprise to the parents.

Anonymous said...

oh anonymous,
if only more people realized that children trapped in abusive situations or trapped in the care of incompetent or mentally unstable parents are HELPED by even the smalled kindness, the slightest acknowledgement. These children need to know they are okay and that what is going on is not because of them. Anything you can do to make a child like this feel okay for a second is a good thing. I spent so much time feeling crazy as a 10 year old. I was uncomfortable in my own skin and acting out. My mother was celebrated in some circles, but behind closed doors, she was a sadistic monster; a borderline personality with an alcohol problem. And looking back, I can see the people's faces as they looked from her to me. They all seemed to care more about this drunken bore than they did me at 7,8,9 and 10. My self esteem suffered. By 12 I was suicidal and on drugs. Which was a good thing, because I was finally removed from my home environment. I thrived in a group facility. Some people are not meant to be mothers. They should have their children ripped from them at the hospital before they destroy the very lives they created.

Meme said...

This is heartbreaking. I hope the OP can get more info somehow.

251: Are you using a typewriter? That's the last time I heard it called a "return" key!

Anonymous said...

get his last name and street address or house no for when you look it up -if you see him again. go back to the park again and again. he needs you.

Mrs.Q. said...

5:50
I have a story similar to yours, only I had an alcoholic father. He was a herald in our community, but behind closed doors, he was an abusive monster. I have memories from as young as 2 that I still have nightmares 36 yrs. later about. My mom never stepped in because she was afraid of him, and I slowly came to resent her for not saving me.
One drunken day, he beat the crap out of my mom in the front yard and a neighbor called the police.
He was arrested and jailed.

Friends and family now knowing the secret was out, rallied around us and he never stepped foot in our house again. To this day he lives 10 miles from me, and I haven't spoken to him in 26 years.
And I am fine with that.
I am only telling my story, and others should do it for the same reason, because I hope OP will come to Henrys rescue.
It took 11 yrs. for somebody to save me.

mom said...

I hope I did make that little girl feel loved, if only for a few brief minutes. If I had realized at the time what any kindness probably meant to her I would have given her a lot more attention.

I also hold out some small hope that the night of the Christmas pageant the mother felt ashamed that a stranger cared more for her child's feelings than she seemed to. It was after she and I made eye contact as I was brushing her daughter's hair that she relented and huffed off. Maybe it made her think a little bit. I hope so, although I doubt it.

We moved the next year so I didn't get to watch the girl grow up. She would be 21 now...and quite beautiful I assume. She was stunningly beautiful, even dirty and ungroomed. I fear that that her beauty probably brought her much attention from men and boys and that, in her hunger for love she may have been victimized...because when little girls aren't loved at home they tend to lok for it from boys later on. That is my fear for her.

mom said...

frmr nanny now a mom,
You wrote "The image of this poor little boy being screamed at, "be happy, be happy!" and through his tears saying "i'm happy" is just too much for me."

I totally agree. This part tore my heart out..the little boy having to
swallow his hurt and pretend to be happy for fear that if he didn't nanny would leave and give him no attention at all. And then, even after he said what she wanted, she turned away from him and left him alone anyway. Too heartbreaking for words to think of what goes on inside that little boy's head.
Nanny is a heartless witch. And I consider his parents equally, if not more, culpable than her. This child is THEIR responsibility and they have a duty to him to KNOW what his days are like.

Arrrrghhhh! These sightings make me SO mad. How can ANYBODY hurt an innocent child this way? HOW?!

cali mom said...

The nanny should be strapped onto a raft and sent back to where she came from, assuming she came to this country from elsewhere.

And assuming the parents know what they hired (although they *may* not), they should be tarred and feathered and dragged naked down main street on a skateboard with ABUSIVE PARENT tattooed on their backs. And then sterilized.

That poor little boy. It's a good guess he goes there pretty regularly since even a rotten nanny has to take him SOMEWHERE and if she's rotten she's probably too lazy to think up any new activities with him, so OP, PLEASE go back the that playground and keep an eye ou for him again to see what you can find out.

Anonymous said...

OP
You seem genuinely concerned for this little boy. I do hope you'll go back to check on him and try to get more info. Please report back to us if you find anything out.

tree said...

This poor child. I feel for them when they are crying. Not being happy. The poor child must really miss her parents when they go to work.
My son is 5 yrs old and I take him to a daycare and I always ask him questions to see how the daycare provider treats him. Too bad this girls parents don't do the same. I'm sure a 3 yr old can say some things like she isn't happy when mom and dad go to work.

Anonymous said...

It breaks my heart to hear this story - and frankly any story that involves children being hurt or injured physically, mentally or verbally. You need a license to drive, but none to have babies.

Marypoppin'pills said...

11:31
Truer words have never been said.

Anonymous said...

i am getting so sick of self-righteous nannies stinking up every post with they "it's the parent's fault the animal nanny abuses the kids when nobody's looking" crap.

(And before you flame me, I'm a SAHM.)

Yes, nannies. Act like utter pigs, and then blame the parents. You make me sick.

ess said...

3:58 - Have you seen any sympathy for the nanny among these comments? It certainly seems farfetched to think that posters are siding with her, and flaming the parents.

As a parent myself, I find it hard to have much patience or sympathy for anyone who KNOWINGLY leaves their child with an abusive caregiver. Some bad nannies may present one face to their employers, and another to children. Others are universally unpleasant.

Just as it is possible that well meaning parents can be mislead by a duplicitous nanny, uninterested parents may ignore warning signs and keep someone on in spite of damaging behavior.

It's a two way street, and I hope the OP is able to get in touch with Henry's parents.

lets do it said...

I know. This post and every post where some fool has the nerve to blame the parent or the child- well it just makes me want to go and wilding and kick some nanny ass.

Anonymous said...

ess
Good post.

"Just as it is possible that well meaning parents can be mislead by a duplicitous nanny, uninterested parents may ignore warning signs and keep someone on in spite of damaging behavior."

Anonymous said...

3:58
Have you ever tried to suggest to a friend or neighbor that they should check up on their nanny? Believe me, some with the worst nannies don't want to know! BTDT

cali mom said...

1:57/2:10, why didn'y you call yourself instead of yelling at everyone else to do it?

12:30, if that's really you and not an impostor, your comment will probably be deleted because it's in all caps, but you can contact the blog admin and ask that your info be removed.

mom said...

I was kind of wondering how the family would feel about having their personal info on the web. However, it seems the real person listed would have contacted the blog administrator first. If they know how blogs work that is.

marypoppin'pills said...

I thought it was a little bizarre that anyone would put this Info. up here instead of calling themselves.

said...

Hi, I'm 1:57AM/2:10AM.
As it was extremely late at night and I go to school the next morning, I wanted somebody else to call the potential family of Henry so that they can be notified of their nanny at least a few hours earlier than when I would call them.
This is because I did not want to call that number at 2 in the morning, when I was up doing homework.

Also, I am sorry 12:30PM if that is your information. I just searched for "Jason" in whitepages.com (or something like that... I don't remember) and that listing came up.
Since it was 2 in the morning, like I said, I did not want to disturb the family. Because I needed to go to school the following morning, I posted up the information on this site so that the next readers in the morning could call the family.

Likewise, as I do not have a landline phone, and do not want to be billed long-distance charges on my cell phone (it costs more), I did not call them myself when I got home from school.

In addition, I do not know how this site works, cali mom and mom. I just saw this site on my local ABC news website and visited it to see what the hype was about. Then I saw this post, and immediately found the whitepage posting, and posted the information on the site, because I did not know who to contact! I tried to look for the person who made the blog entry, but there was no information available.

>>I am sorry that this is a long comment, but I feel the need to clarify the misunderstanding here.

Also, did anybody call the above information that I posted?
Like I said, I do not have a landline...

Sorry for the inconvenience and misunderstanding that I have caused.

concetta said...

Eunice-
What you did was very wrong. YOu should have written a post about what you observed about that nanny!
Geezus. How can you be that stupid???

said...

Although the administrator removed the information that I posted on regarding the information of a potential Jason family, I believe that the person who commented asking to have their information taken down was NOT the person.

This is because I am more than positive that whoever attempted to call the number that I posted would post a comment saying that the call was unsuccessful or that the number was wrong.

said...

Concetta---

WHAAAAAT?!
I was only trying to help the Jason family by trying to locate them on whitepages and find their number, so that they would fire their nanny.

Can somebody please enlighten me on how I was wrong?

And what do you mean, "observed about the nanny"? I only read this blog entry and immediately tried to find a Jason family in Orinda, to save Henry from his nanny...

Jeez... I try to save a child from his nanny and I'm accused of doing something "very wrong."

I will never ever come to this site again, let alone look for any of the nannies/families posted on the site anymore, thank you very much!

I was just trying to help.
I guess my help was unsolicited.

said...

Okay, before I leave this site for good, I want to make some comments.

Cali mom--I did not yell. I PROPOSED.

And to everyone else--I called the number and found out that it was a chiropractic center x_x.

Thus, the person who commented yelling in caplocks to take off their information was a fake.

Bye!

mel (here from the beginning) said...

eunice,
okay so you made a mistake.
no big deal. we move on.
I would ask my friends to email the posting using the "email this" feature" to anyone they know who lives or works in the area.

Sometimes good people try to hard!
You invested time in looking up the number, all that means to me is you care!

Good for you!
Better to care too much than not at all.

mom said...

Eunice,
This was my comment:

"I was kind of wondering how the family would feel about having their personal info on the web. However, it seems the real person listed would have contacted the blog administrator first. If they know how blogs work that is."

I was questioning whether the person who wrote the angry post wanting the info down was the real person who got the calls. I thought they might know that the blog administrator was who to contact to get the info down...not make a post.

You misunderstood. I was not accusing you of lying.

Anonymous said...

Eunice
I hope you don't leave. We need as many caring people as we can get for these abused children.
So you got a little ahead of yourself and made a mistake ... who doesn't?
We appreciate your trying. Next time you have private info. like that, just contact the Blog Admin., ok?
Post back to let us know you're not leaving, ok?
:)

said...

I was a little upset that my attempted actions toward rescuing Henry were heeded as stupid and extremely wrong.

However, after reading the comment, I realized that if no one was going to do it, baby Henry would be stuck with that horrible nanny for who knows how long?

So, using my internet skills 8) I found about 13 listings for "Jason" and called each one of them through my cell phone (ahh the phone bills T_T), but either (a) no one answered (b) they were not the parents of Henry or (c) they flamed up on me.

All in all, although I really really really tried to contact Henry Jason's parents, I could not.

I will try tomorrow (to the places that did not pick up, as I need to do my homework now), but I hope that it won't be long until I find Henry's parents.

Also, I did not mean to overexaggerate any of my comments. I was upset at Concetta's comment, that my actions were interpreted wrongly. However, I will continue to look for nannies in California (where I live), and if there is sufficient information (name, picture, etc), I will try my hardest to find the parents, as I am doing now for Henry's parents.

Sorry for this commotion.

Please pray that I will be able to locate Henry's parents soon, as my heart is broken over his current situation...

said...

Also, can someone please tell me how I can contact the "Blog Admin" (for future reference)?

Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Eunice, 12:54 here.
Thanks for coming back. To contact JD - (Blog Admin) - use the 'pink meebo' box, your post will be private.
Also, although I do appreciate your effort, why are you stuck on Henry? I believe the nanny probably lied about the last name, that's why I ask.
But I guess as long as you are tactful, what you are doing causes no harm. Good luck!

said...

It's because, based on the post, he reminds me so much of my brother when he was a baby.

Likewise, the location is in California, so the long distance bill will not be TOO costly, as it would be if I was calling say... New York.

I hope the nanny didn't lie...

marypoppin'pills said...

Eunice♥
Try to develop somewhat of a thick skin if you can, because it gets a little rough around here. And don't take things too personally. These posters can get quite passionate when it comes to a child being injured and abused.
Oh, and ... Welcome Aboard!

Anonymous said...

BTW, if you haven't already, check out the links at the top of the page.

mom said...

eunice,
There will be some people who will be very rude for no particular reason. They like to harass everybody here and the comments sometimes get quite ugly.

Just ignore those posts as if they don't exist. It's not personal. Somebody is just very angry and unhappy and seems to get pleasure from trying to drag everybody else down with them.

Oh, and try not to argue back if the comment is really stupid and needlessly harsh. That person will carry on an endless fight with anybody. It's not worth your time, or anybody else's.

Welcome to ISYN!

said...

Thank you, thank you :).

Well, I contacted the public library in Orinda, Ca and asked for the phone numbers of all of the JASON listings in the local white pages book.

The librarian checked and replied that there were no JASON listings.

Thus, the nanny lied and I have no more resources to locate Henry and his parents.

I am heartbroken.

I have done everything possible and still could not help Henry :(

marypoppin'pills said...

What bothers me is that OP has not posted back. How come no update? It couldn't have been too difficult to go back to that park a few times over the past week to search for Henry, or if OP wanted to be really vigilant, discreetly follow them home and be a Hero.
What gives, OP?

nannynicole said...

How sad.. That poor baby!
I think the nanny was lying.. I think she made up the last name also..
It is such ashame that people who obviously have NO patience and little heart are hired as nannies!

Anonymous said...

this is why we need more mannies.

cali mom said...

Hmm. Because mannies would never be mean to a child or refuse to push them on a swing? I don't get it.

Anonymous said...

I FOUND THE MOTHER!!!! I am a part time nanny and I normally stay in Lafayette. When I heard about this little boy I made it my duty to find information. I started visiting the park and I did see the nanny but I was always too late to catch the parents. Today, since I didn't work I showed up very early in the morning and waited until the boy was dropped off. Around 12:30pm I saw the nanny walking towards the parking lot and I saw Henry's mom. When the nanny left with Henry to the park, I ran towards the car and told the lady to roll her window down. Ofcourse, Henry's mom was scared that a stranger was heading towards her vehicle. I gave her this post telling the sad story. I clearly said to her, "You need to read this now!". I walked away from the vehicle hoping that she will take some actions against this witch. Lets all pray that Henry's mother makes sure to do the best for her child. Thank you all! This is the kind of support we should give all these parents so the future of our world does not suffer.