Last winter she somehow convinced me to buy her a pair of snowboots..

Received Friday, November 9, 2007-Perspective & Opinion
When my nanny was hired last year, a condition of her employment is that she provide proof of immunization and that should include a flu shot. As part of her employment conditions, she was to keep her cpr, first aid and flu shot vaccination up to date. This was discussed almost a year ago to the date when she accepted the position with us ($20 per hour on the books for two children, one who is in school all day). Now the nanny is asking for money to get these things up to date. My question is for the professional nanny community; I thought I hired a professional nanny. Isn't it a professional nanny's responsibility to keep herself certified with those very same certifications she uses to secure a job? I am certain I could absorb the cost of this with minimal inconvenience, but this and some other stunts nanny has pulled over the past year seem to reflect an attitude of entitlement, be it for car services home on a late night or other things. Last winter she somehow convinced me to buy her a pair of snowboots, saying except for the job, she would not need them. I have to put my foot down somewhere. She is good with the children but her personality is weighing heavily on me, especially since my husband had it with her 4 months ago when she refused to go away with us for a three day vacation and demanded pay. (Again something we discussed when we hired her). Thoughts? Similiar experiences?


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

You sound like a real cheap bi*ch. Do you provode your nanny with health insurance? If not then you could at least provide what she is asking. I have a feeling there is another side to this story I'd like to hear.

Anonymous said...

I agree with the above. PS, I sure hope you work because you have to otherwise I suggest you take care of your children yourself- problem solved!

Anonymous said...

CHEAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP- I hope your nanny "hurts her back" on the job and sues your ass...

Quinn said...

I don't think this mom sounds cheap at all.. she is confused on what she should be paying and what not?! I think nanny may be taking advantage of your generosity. I would, however, pay for her up to date certifications/shots because that directly affects your children and you will have the peice of mind that she knows CPR, etc. and won't be catching the flu.
On the other hand, I would sit down and go back over the contract you had with her, explaining vacations, etc. Be honest and up front and have her resign what she originally signed up for. This way, it cannot be a matter of misunderstanding. She either gets it or she gets the boot. I think it's nice you are giving her the benefit of the doubt though.

JoeNY said...

I would absolutely be miffed if someone suggested to me that I should buy her snowboots because she would otherwise not need them. Where does she live? Hawaii? And flies in? Give me a break.

If you are asking your nanny to get a flu shot, you should pay for it, yes. But if you told the nanny in advance of taking your well paying job that she needed to have a flu shot and those certifications, and her flu shot is no longer current; she is no longer qualified for employment with you and should be fired.

My helmet paintrbush is painting a picture of this crafty little tart. Her hand is outstretched.

Slap it away.

erics mom said...

Hello O.P.

Sorry, for nasty comments posted to you. I don't know why people have to be so rude on here.

I think you should pay for her updates for CPR, first aid, and flu vaccination. It sounds like you want her to be certified in case theres an emergency. Remember, shes taking care of your children. So if something should happen she will hopefully know what to do.

Car service being offered, was she working past her regular time? Did you ask her to work late. And if so, she should have safe transportation home. Do you live in N.Y. by any chance?

I don't know why you had to buy her boots. That she could have paid for herself.

It sounds like before you hired her you talked about her traveling with your family on vacation. She should have gone, unless it was really last minute and she has a family to consider, or school.

You mentioned shes on the books. If so, can't you write off some of these little expenses, even the shoes??


Marni said...

It sounds to me like you demanded she do something in the snow- she replies that she doesn't even have snow boots- you reply that she'll have to buy some- etc etc.....

Anonymous said...

The flu shot is easy; the city has a free flu shot program, and she can walk into the clinic in Chelsea anytime and get one.

karen said...

another selfish breeder

Anonymous said...

Wow ... you sure are getting it OP. But I agree with most ... you should pay for certifications/flu shots, etc. The boots are another story.
What was the car service for? If it had anything to do with you or the kids, you shouldn't complain. Now the vacation thing I don't understand. I thought most/all Nannys got paid when they went on vacay with their work family ... was childcare involved? If so, she needs to be paid. Period.

Anonymous said...

Was she demanding pay if she was going or if she wasn't going with you?
People can be really rude on this forum so I hope you
will not take it personnally. I also agree that you should pay for the flu shot, the CPR and the first aid.
The snowboot and car story seems another matter: maybe you can elaborate on that.

Anonymous said...

The OP made it clear that part of her employment conditions are to keep her flu shot, cpr and first aid up to date. It's not like she's asking for something the nanny was not told she is expected to provide. The nanny should cover the cost and if the nanny doesn't like these conditions, she should not have taken the job. If the nanny refuses to comply with her terms of employment, the employer has grounds to terminate her. OP should not have had to pay for her snow boots either, but providing transportation home after a certain hour if she is asked beyond her normal schedule is a courtesy you should extend if you expect her to be willing to work outside of her normal work hours.

Mom said...

Pay for flu shot and certification. That way you will know she at least did those things. I think she has a little nerve to ask you to pay, but I wouldn't take the risk of having an untrained, unvaccinated nanny...if you choose to keep her. (Although she sounds a bit entitled, manipulative, and maybe even dishonest, so you ought to find some way to make sure she attends the WHOLE class instead if just scamming you out of some cash.)

Boots and other work related items are her responsibility. Does anybody ask their employer to pay for their work clothes...unless it is a uniform? It sounds like she is manipulating you with those types of things. That speaks to her character in my opinion and would be a red flag, completely aside from the monetary cost. It doesn't sound like the actual money is what's bothering you anyway. You want to know if you are being manipulated, and it sounds to me as though you are.

If she had already agreed that she would accompany you on trips and refused to come, I would not have paid her for those days if she didn't even work them. That took real nerve on her part. She does not sound like she has a lot of respect for you...or her job.

If this were my nanny, I think I would be more comfortable simply replacing her with somebody I felt was more solid in terms of character. This is the most important employeee you will ever have. Don't let somebody fill the job that you don't feel really good about in every way. Little things ofetn add up to big (and hidden) character issues.

And, to those of you above who feel the need to be needlesly ugly all the time, do you think you could at least stop with the profanity and vicious name calling? Your lack of class is becoming tiresome. Nobody takes your opinions seriously when they are laced with such stupid insults and vulgar language anyway.

Anonymous said...

Oh and it's so KLASSY to hire other people to take care of YOUR children? LMAO

Anonymous said...

How could the certifications/CPR/flu shots break OPs bank ... she should pay it, for piece of mind. No big deal. Why should she fire the Nanny, she says she's good to the kids. It would behoove her to keep her on ... there are too many 'Nasty Nannys' out there to take a chance on starting over just because of a few nickels and dimes.

Mom said...

It's not about breaking the bank, or even counting a few nickels and dimes. I think the OP made that pretty clear. It's about being respected and not taken advantage of. It's about a person living up to the contract they agreed to and not trying to wheedle a little bit here and a little bit there out of somebody because she thinks she can get away with it, or because she sees that the OP has more than her and "can afford it." Or because she is resentful that OP has so much more than her and somehow feels entitled to a bit extra of it for herself.

NOBODY likes being taken advantage of...even if they are "rich and can afford it." Maybe especially then, because they probably get even more tired of so many people trying to take advantage...people thinking they have so much that they won't even notice it or won't even miss it. Just because somebody has money and does not want to be taken advantage of, does not make them "cheap." Only somebody very bitter about their own circumstance (and probably suffering from their own severe case of "entitlement")would even suggest such a thing.

The attitude of this nanny shows a lack of character (as well as a lack of respect for her employer) and in my opinion, neither of those things are OK in a person taking care of somebody's beloved children. It's a red flag and OP is right to question what it really means. Her instinct is telling her something...and I think we all ought to listen when our instincts speak...especially when it involves our children.

Anonymous said...

I am a professional, full time Nanny. The agency that placed me reqired that I be CPR certified and have a negitive TB test before I was even sent out on interviews. I never questioned that this was my expense, and that all future classes and the like are also at my expense. This is a basic requirement of my chosen industry. I would never ask my employers to pay.
I have gone on vacations with previous families and needed equipment which I did not own,and since it was work related, they RENTED for me what I needed for that specific day. There is no need to buy your Nanny expensive items that she will use only that day. That was extremely generous of you.
Travel can be a hard topic because it is discussed in the interview process and expected of the employee, and then a lot of times things go south pretty quickly. When traveling with a family the Nanny has to remember that she is not on vacation, she is helping to facilitate her employers vacation. Clear quidelines have to be set, including hours, overtime, and a realistic per diem for food.
I think your Nanny is taking advantage. She doesn't need a car service when she can take a cab. It sounds to me like you have a very comfortable lifestle that she thinks she is entitled to because she works in your household. I would suggest looking for a Nanny who has more of a professional attiude. Remember, she is there not only to help with the children, but to make your life flow easier. You don't need to feel like you have taken on another demanding child.
And as for all the people who write such horrible things on this board - why?? This is supposed to be a support system for Nannies and Employers of Nannies and yet so many comments are from people who want to bash working Mom's and SAHM's who have in house help. That, I just don't understand. If it weren't for all those wonderful, diverse parents I've had the pleasure to know, I wouldn't be able to work in such a fulfillling industry.

Mom said...

Wow 5:26! You said that beautifully. You sound professional, ethical and realistic. I am guessing that you probably have good experiences with your employers because they recognize and value these qualities in you and treat you respectfully in return.

OP, there are some good nannies out there. Keep looking until you find one with a work ethic and attitude like 5:26. There's no reason for you to be uncomfortable with the person who spends her days with your child.

Alex said...

Hi OP. I definitely think some people are being rude, but that being said I think you should pay for the shot and certifications. When an employee for a company has to get certified in order to do something then the company pays, so I think since it is a job requirement it is fair.

With the vacation, I think OP means that the nanny wanted to be paid because the family was going away and she would not baby-sit during those days.

That being said, I do think that you should sit down with her and discuss this stuff before it gets worse. It sounds like she is taking advantage of your niceness (which is why I cannot understand the rudeness from the first few posts). Maybe a new contract needs to be signed or if one was not signed in the first place one needs to be put in place outlining family vacations etc. I can understand that she would not want to go away if she had previous plans, they were her days off etc. But if she wanted to get paid for those days I am guessing that she was supposed to be working those days.

She does sound like she is taking advantage of you. I am by no means a nanny, but I love children and baby-sit whenever I can. I buy items all the time for the children and for me and never ask for reimbursement. I don't understand why she insisted that you buy her snowboots. That is definitely where she is taking advantage of you.

Case in point, I think you should pay for her shot but also have a talk with her about what is expected and how to deal with things. Good luck!!

josie said...

The nanny took a job, a job that pays well based on some sort of conditions. And she has not kept up her end of the deal. I cannot believe all of you siding with the nanny. What if it had been the employer and she decided to 5 months into the job drop her salary by 50cents an hour? Would you then tell the nanny that she should just suck it up because she is working for a nice family?

No. There are alot of really demanding and entitled nannies out there. They usually look the same too, if you know what I mean.

I take the train to work and the subway from the train. I usually need a new pair of snow boots every year- and I can't ask my employers to buy them. Even though if I were unemployed and didn't leave my 5th floor apartment, I would not need them.

What is wrong with people?

And by the by, you said your nanny is good with the kids. If she isn't great, she isn't worth the hassle. You sound like a soft hearted person, but I think your hubby has her number.

Can her after you find someone better. And not because of the flu vaccine or the certification, just because some people are PRONE to taking advantage. She sounds like one of them.

Anonymous said...

OP, you asked for nannies' experiences so here are mine.
You don't say where you are located, but here in NYC it is customary to provide a taxi home after 9:00 PM, not a car service.
Most employers who require renewing CPR certification and/or flu shots pay for them. You said you discussed your requirement that she keep them up, but did you make it clear that you expected her to pay the cost herself? The class was five hours, and cost $70 the last time I took it. Some employers pay the nanny for the time she spends in the class if it is on her day off.
If she agreed to travel with the family, and you gave her sufficient notice about the trip she refused to go on, I don't think you should pay her for those days. How much advance notice did you give her?
As for buying her boots, that is ridiculous! If you are a nanny you should be prepared to play in the snow.
If you decide to keep this nanny, sit down together and talk these things through. If you don't have a written contract, make one now, and clarify all these issues so there are no misunderstandings in the future.

Anonymous said...

OP I am sorry for the ignorant fools here that called you names.

I am a professional nanny in the NY market and I can tell you that 20 dollars an hour on the books is a Nice salary. Car service home on late nights is a nice job perk. I don't understand these nannies who feel that they are entitled to meals, transportation, etc. What other job pays for your commute too and from and your lunch? Not many! I worked in a high end office for years and it was MY expense and responsibility to get myself to and from work as well as to feed myself. However I understand since changing careers that these perks are fairly common. However I never take them for granted, ask for them and express my deepest gratitude when they are offered.

The flu shot and CPR certification is also a nice perk and While I can't say one way or the other about the flu shot, I will say that you should consider the Certification fee as tution reimbursement.

The snow boots thing is outrageous regardless if you expected her to take your kids out in the snow or not. And if she agreed to travel with you and then refused and demanded to have paid time off that's just plain greedy. If there was work avaialble for her and she refused for whatever reason she should not be paid for her time off. While the nanny should get paid time off this all be discussed and agreed to in writing in advance. remember if she's doing a great job you can always reward her with a bonus day or afternoon off, a gift certificate to a nail salon or whatever little perk yuo may deem suitable. My boss often surprises me with an extra 50.00 bill at week's end or an afternoon to myself. And those small gestures go along way! Good Luck and may I add you may want to start looking around for a new nanny because the one you have does not sound professional at all.

Anonymous said...

A year later and you are STILL complaining about snowboots? That when asked you obviously agreed to provide for whatever reason? Petty much? lol- I think people who don't provide their employees with health insurance are scum. You begrudge her a flu shot you reqire and insist she update her CPR (which people usually do before NEW employment as it's not as though she's forgotten that basic information in 1 year)and have the nerve to complain? I think you left out quite a few details to look favored here- I suggest you get over the guilt that makes you a bitter jealous employer and focus on being a better parent.

Anonymous said...

To the idiot (nanny) at 832,
CPR must be recertified for a reason. I was CPR certified 7 years ago, would you want me to be alone with your 10 month old when she stopped breathing? I wouldn't!
OP is not asking for much. She is being taken advantage of by another brute nanny. She probably rules the roost at a Park Slope playground, throwing her weight and ugly scowl around, causing good caregivers and sahms to cower in apprehension of her very being.

OP sounds like a dandy parent and employer to me.

And any nanny who tells me she isn't going on vacation is not only going to be fired, she is going to be slapped silly on her way out as she looks around wondering where oh where her severance check is.

Shell said...

Good luck kissing your babies from behind bars because if I was slapped by an employer I would not only press assult charges I would sue her for wrongful termination and distress and win. Matter a fact, slap me please! After that the judge will believe whatever I say seeing how unstable you are. I feel sorry for your offspring.

Nanny L said...

Your nanny is taking advantage of you. If your agreement is that she has full responsibility for the upkeep (i.e. cost and time) of certifications and flu shots, it's her full responsibility. I've always been responsible for my CPR/First Aid recerts, although I know it is fairly common that the nanny contributes the time for the certification and the employer the fee. I had a flu shot at the request of my nanny family this year. I did it off the clock, and while they did pay for it ($30) I would not have had a tantrum (or even said anything) had they not. I'd cut off my arm for my charge's health, so a $30 flu shot is reasonable to me.

As far as the boots thing goes, no. Every job requires appropriate clothing, and boots are necessary for nannies in snowy areas and you can get a decent pair fairly inexpensively. Btw, boots are a lot cheaper than suits and drycleaning... If it you were planning to buy your nanny a birthday/holiday present and she mentioned that she'd really appreciate boots, maybe. It does not sound like that is the case at all though.

Re: Car Service - I asked that if my employers are going to be home later than 11pm they either arrange/pay for parking for me to drive, plan to drive me home, or pay for taxi. Their choice and they knew upfront. A couple of times on weeknights, I drove their car home and then back again the next morning. My issue is that I do not want to be walking home alone from the train around midnight. Sketchy.

If your nanny had the opportunity to accompany you on agreed-upon vacation, she should not have been paid. If there were other factors that made her unable to attend, it would have been reasonable for you to pay her for hours she could do tasks for your family while you were away.

If your nanny is really right for your family and you want to keep her, you might consider paying for recert as part of a year-end bonus (if you are doing that). I cannot tell if you have a written work agreement - if so, make sure nanny's obligations are in there; if not, a new year is a great time to implement one.

Good luck. I think you sound like a fair employer.

cali mom said...

LOL Shell, deja-vu. Are you the same poster who thought my IP should be tracked and that I should be arrested for MY facetious post about smacking a child if they threw rocks at my child?

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny and I feel for the Op. however if op wants nanny to be up to date on flu oshots etc she could offer to pay for them. however nanny was so wrong on the snow boots thing. that is just taking advantage of op

Anonymous said...

THE NANNY IS reneging on the deal.

THE NANNY IS reneging on the deal.

THE NANNY IS reneging on the deal.

Respect is a two way street.

Anonymous said...

cali mom is so annoying everything she types makes me vomit in my mouth her poor child/children

cali mom said...

ROFLMAO! Still puzzling over all those confusing little symbols on your keyboard dear?

t.r. said...

I met cali mom for a pumpkin latte at coffee, tea and been. She was prettier than I expected, wearing perfectly tailored black slacks that accentuated her pert posterior. Her white blouse was perfectly pressed and she wore a silk scarf around her neck. Her handbag and boots reflected her stunning sense of style. She looked like she had stepped off the cover of a magazine and had a smile that lit the room. We discussed you at length. It wasn't good.

Anonymous said...

You clearly sound too resentful to work for. Employers should always cover flu shots.

I think it was fair to ask to be paid when you decided to go away and she did not want to go. Trips with families, especially to cabins, small cottages are really unfortunate and crowded despite how much of a good job the nanny may do and any amenities she's offered.

Why any family would ask a nanny to go away with them to their ski chalet for weekend is beyond me. Gag, just leave the kids at home with the nanny!

Pissed said...

How the fuck am I supposed to ski with an 11 month old child attatched to my hip? What the fuck is the point of having a nanny if she doesn't do as she is told. That is why I overpay her. So I don't have to put up with her domestic bullshit.

Not OP, but sick of nannies who demand things. There are likely 12 nannies in the states worth their pay. The rest of them should be encouraged to ship off to Iraq/Iran and Afghanistan. Bring our boys home. Teach these mutant pigs how to develop a work ethic and lose this false sense of entitlement they seem to possess.

cali mom said...

t.r., thanks, and LOL!!

Sue Doe-Nim said...

If you've had it with her she knows it and feels it.

I think flu shots should be paid for by you unless her insurance that you provide pays for it.

And a 3 day vacation? Really? You couldn't watch yer own little fuckers for 3 whole days?

Anonymous said...

12:26 that is horrible the way you are speaking, posting whatever. You are what gives the parents with nannies on here a bad name. To say that there are only a few nannies worth their pay and to ship the rest off shows that you do not think highly of the people that you and others allow to watch their children. There are plenty of great nannies and plenty of great parents who care about their children and want them to have the best care possible if they so choose to work or just have help. I feel for your children.

Anonymous said...

jane doe could you please remove 12:26, it is really quite offensive.

Anonymous said...

Is $20 really a great paying job in NYC? I get $33 an hour plus bonuses.

Anonymous said...

When you work for a company that requires you to take additional classes, renew certifications, etc. - it is the company that pays you to do these things. So you should pay for the CPR/First Aid recertifications. I am due to renew mine in January, but I am just going to pay for it myself because it's just not a big deal.

Anonymous said...

1. Yes you should pay for certifications and TB test especially if she does not have health insurance.

2. You should not pay for boots, but you did so get over it.

3. Give her plenty of notice about traveling with you, and if she cannot accommadate your needs, get a new nanny who can. Many times people have lives of their own so traveling with a family is difficult. In this instance, perhaps you need a nanny who has more time to travel with you. Of course if she travels be clear about requirements and pay her accordingly.

4. If you don't like the nanny, fire her so that she can find a job working for a woman who doesn't dislike her.

5. I hate "Mom" and her comments. I wish she would just stop talking.
sorry I just had to add that.

Anonymous said...

Yes, JD, 12:26 offends me too. Does this woman have offspring? How very very sad for those kids.

erics mom said...

? Why are we discussing the way Cali looks? Does it really matter on here?

Anonymous said...

Op, I'm a nanny and it seems like your nanny is taking advantage of you. My family paid for my cpr and first aid but I didn't go them, they offered to pay for it for me. They will not pay for stuff I need like snow boots. That's a little crazy. Your professional nanny seems a little unprofessional to ask you to pay for shoes and stuff. Also, does she drive? Whats the car service all about? Some of the people who comment on this site are really rude and offensive. I don't think you are being cheap. I just think you need help figuring out if you are being minipulated and I'm pretty sure you are. Try having a talk with your nanny. Good communication is what keeps nannies and families together. Also honesty does to.

Anonymous said...

I like cali mom. I tend to agree with alot of her posts, too. She's a well-tailored lady with balls.

GV said...

If you hire someone under conditions, which MOST people do and said person does not keep up with those conditions; it is perfectly appropriate to feel taken advantage of or disappointed and to dismiss said employee.

The fact that there are so many people on here who despise working mothers and want to jump down their throat for the mere fact that they have a nanny is a pathetic. It seems to me the train of thought is that the more suffering inflicted on a mother that employes a nanny; the better- she deserves it.

Why are you SAHMS so bitter and hateful? Why can you not for once respond to a post and look at it objectively instead of coloring everything in with your bitter pen?

And to the OP, depending on where you are $20 an hour is not that much. In SF and NY, it's good but I pay my nanny $26 on the books and provide her with health insurance. I don't have to ask her to recertify anything, she does that because she is a professional. Honestly, I wouldn't even have thought of it. Periodically, she will bring me copies of this card or that card.
She has been with us 2 and a half years and is pretty amazing.

And I find all of the anti working mom comments offensive, but I am not crying to have them removed. Toughen up, people. Have you ever commented on a newspaper forum?
If I have to listen to the kvetching jobless sahms, please keep the forum open and honest in it's contributions from all people.

heather said...

12:26 sounds like she has had it up to here with bad nannies. I don't blame her.

My suggestion, if you want someone to take you, your comment or your complaint seriously, come out from behind the anonymous cloak.

erics mom said...

My comment wasn't meant to be bashing anyone. Just wondering why the post always gets pushed under the carpet. For other subjects.

thats it

Sarah and Mitch said...

I think you are a snob. If a family had me work a late night, and I didn't have my own transportation, anybody I have ever worked for would have offered me a ride home. And if not, I absolutely would have asked. The boots? In the end, you didn't have to buy them for her. You chose to. Not to mention it was likely almost a YEAR ago. Turn the friggen page!

She is not OBLIGATED to travel with your family, be it over night or over a week or two. Im sure lots of things were "discussed" at the beginning of her employment, but that doesn't mean anybody took the time to write them down? Hello? On the books and everything, and you don't have a nanny contract?

You are requiring her to be certified in all those things, you should foot the bill. Otherwise, don't require it. You are very lucky she puts up with you.

I would suggest to the poor nanny to leave your family and go work for someone who doesn't call asking for a ride home (because YOU were late) a "stunt."

Anonymous said...

Jane Doe leaves up too many nasty postings and deletes anyone of intelligence. She's intimated by new thought but comfortable with vulgarity ala "pissed."

not another anonymous fool said...

Yes, the nanny can be required to travel as part of her job! And a car service? The only reason you should have to provide a car service is if the train/subway is no longer running or the nanny is traveling from an unsafe area.

Y'all need to assuage your white guilt. Go shoot some quail or smoke some weed.

Jane Doe said...

The goal in this forum, like all open forums is not to have to go and delete every comment that rubs someone the wrong way.

I do try at all costs to avoid deleting comments unless they are libelous, threatening, racist or contain spam.

If you think one of your stellar comments was deleted by mistake, please resubmit.

Kate in PA said...

Putting aside personal opinion for a moment, I will say this: If you have a contract with your nanny (stating such things as her responsibility for recertification and pay only if traveling with the family), and she is not keeping up her end, then that is grounds for dismissal. Correct? If, however, you don't have a contract (which it sounds like you don't), then you just need to sit down with her and discuss this. And write out a contract now.

As for my personal opinion, I believe the employer should pay for CPR training and flu shots each year. In most of the corporate world, employers pay for training and such if it is a job requirement (except for prerequisites for being hired in the first place). The boots, well, that is a little ridiculous. She should buy her own boots. Car service on a late night? Sounds like you don't value your nanny or her safety very much. A stellar employer who appreciates her nanny would not begrudge them that.

Perhaps you just need to let her go find a family who appreciates her, and you can find some subservient girl who will do as she's told and never speak up with any concerns. But good luck. Because you won't find a real professional nanny with that description.

Anonymous said...

She hasn't found a professional nanny. A professional wouldn't have asked for the boots, the limousine, the shots or the certification.

Op sounds like a very nice employer who is willing to be very fair with her nanny, but only wants to know what is right and fair.

Disgruntled nannies need to stop coming on here and immediately posting on every thread about what cheap pigs they seem to think all nanny employers are, without even looking at the facts. Maybe some of you have bad employer experiences because you are not good nannies. By the attitudes and language you exhibit here I would bet money that is what has happened, and why you are so bitter.

Anonymous said...

T.R. I could care less about what cali mom looks like...but thank you for putting her 'lovely' image in my head. However her posts still make me vomit. And that would be impossible for you two to talk about over your pumpkin latees considering this is the first thing I have said to cali mom and honestly if you are discussing the I saw your nanny board in your spare time, I pity you both. Get lives.

t.r. said...

anon @ 4:46 PM,
Her posts make you vomit? Why is that? Because even though there are obviously people who don't like her, she continues to offer her opinions and adhere to her chosen name-thereby given you the very details you need to attack her?

And sorry to disillusion you but my whole office talks about I Saw Your Nanny during the week, the same way we talk about Perez or the top stories. It's a very popular site, no doubt helped along in part by people like you who cannot stay away- despite the fact they seem to harbor much hate for the site!

And for the record, I've never had a pumpkin latte in my life; but thanks for being so dim that I would have to clarify that a facetious comment was not in fact true or real.

t.r. said...

oh by the way, is 4:46 PM one of those "intelligent" comments?

mom said...

That's an amazing coincidence that you met Cali Mom, TR! I saw somebody at the park the other day that I think might have been 9:21 and 12:14(same person). She had long, stringy dark hair, partially covered by a tattered skull cap with several moth holes in it. Her face looked like a cat and she had some sort of fake hair thingey attached at the back...possibly styled into dreds. She was sitting on a bench drooling and mysteriously swatting at a pack of nonexistent bugs. She got up only once to go to the other side of the playlot and join a gang of recently arrived thuggish and menacing looking nannies. She left her newborn infant charge screaming in his $900.00 stroller, surrounded by dozens of white bread balls, as he had been for a good half hour. One of her charges she cruelly dragged behind her by his ear, after having shoved him down on the pavement and eaten all of the Halloween candy he had in his backpack. She stopped briefly to scoop up a handfull of sand to throw hard in the face of her infant girl charge (who had been wolfing down fistfulls of sand and cat feces for 45 minutes), and when she bent over I saw that she has a tattoo on her butt that reads "I love" (then six or seven guys names that had each been poorly tattooed over), followed finally by "men." When she reached the "Hell's Nannies" section of the park, she pulled up the pantlegs of her tattered sweatpants (which had a pleasing ripple effect to them as they hugged her giant cottage cheese thighs and a small fraction of her drooping butt)to display a pair of snowboots that were far nicer than the rest of her clothing. It was then that I overheard her bragging to her friends about how she has her employer wrapped around her little finger and they could expect to see her with a whole lot more free loot from now on. Then she demanded menacingly that one of the meeker looking nannies in the bunch hand over enough cash for her car fare home and waddled away, leaving two of the children behind. The third child she dragged out of the park by his ear and left him laying in the middle of the street.
She got into a parked limousine and proceeded to talk loudly enough on her cell phone to disturb a guy wearing a clown mask and goggles who was pleasuring himself in a nearby car before rolling up her tinted window and being whisked off into the sunset in grand style.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mom!
I was at the park that day too. I'm pretty sure that was anon at 4:46!

Denise said...

THAT is the funniest thing I have read in a while 5:26- I CAN'T stop laughing...

THE OP said...

I think the responses were largely antagonistic and anti- employer. If you imagined you would convince me to see the error of my ways, you are incorrect. We did have an agreement with the nanny and in thr form of a contract. She was told that we would need her to travel with us and she took the job knowing it was a requirement. Concerning the car service, we live on the UES and she lives in the Bronx. She gets off most nights at 6PM. On one occasion, she worked until 11:30, so we sent her home in a car service. Since that time, she has called the car service herself to arrange for a ride home anytime she has worked late. And by late, I mean 8PM in July! I really think I have had it.

But thank you to all who shared your opinion. My husband got a kick out of you all. He seems to think not a single one of you employ of have the capacity to employ a nanny.


NannyMe said...

12.26 I am a nanny and I want to say for all those hardworking and professional nannies out there who actually love their charges and doing their job "YOU MY DEAR, ARE THE DEFINITION OF BITCH!" I would never in a million years want to work for anyone like you. Even though my boss and I do have our differences now an dthen, we get along quite well and the children respect us both. I have been with them for 7 yrs and if at any time they had spoken to or about me the way you did, the last thing they would have seen would have been my butt going through the door. Since they are nothing like you (thank God!) I enjoy my job, love my charges, my bosses respect me and treat me like a human being, we have a mutual undertstaning (do unto others as you would have them do unto you) and that is why I am still there. We are all human (at least I thought so until I read your vile and sick comments)

Please, if you dont have anything good to say, dont say nothing at all!

Anonymous said...

To NannyMe

"Please, if you dont have anything good to say, dont say nothing at all!"

Anonymous said...

Mom, oh, mom ... my side hurts now! I haven't read anything that funny in a long while, and boy did I need it. You are very charming!

Anonymous said...

I think you are wrong. You got a lot of support from a lot of people who think your nanny is unethical and taking advantage of you.
There are always bitter nannies who come here to dish out tiresome and repetetive insults toward anybody who employs nannies. (Makes me wonder if they might be better to choose a new profession so they could avoid working for those who they seem to loathe so much.)
But thank you for insulting all of us who supported you right along with the others. What's up with that? (Your husband sounds a bit pompous.)

Sue Doe-Nim said...

Hey OP

See You Next Tuesday!!!!

I'm glad yer husband likes you because I can be pretty sure yer nanny thinks yer vile and she'll take it out on your children.

Meanwhile, you'll sit on yer fat ass on vacation wondering what the children are doing (what did you name them? Hard to recall...) and they'll be calling some poor soul Mammie.

They will turn out just like you and at the tender age of 45 go, "Holy crapadee I forgot to have kids" go in for some IVF and create a few new monsters for another crew of overwhelmed, undereducated pseudo-nannies to raise. (If you're such a high earner go get a nanny that's actually educated)

FYI I have many girlfriends who work so don't get me started on the Mommy Wars. We respect one another but join forces in the badmouthing of women like you.

You my dear, are a loser and I hope the nanny uses those boots to kick you in your shitty-parent ass.

Ugh, go kiss your husband, no one else would have you.


Anonymous said...

"My husband got a kick out of you all. He seems to think not a single one of you employ of have the capacity to employ a nanny."

She's intellugent and nice.

Anonymous said...

OP- You are the one who couldn't manage to employ a nanny you get along with? Your capicity has been proven in your own post of desperation! I employed a manny for 2 years about 9 years ago- we're still friends. I run a business and have 2 dozen employees that all think of me a friend and respect me- and I agree with that post that said you were a bi*ch. I think you might want to pull that stick out of your ass- perhaps then you will see clearly enough to realize your petty ways. I doubt highly that you are EVER happy with ANYTHING (am I right hubby? laugh @ THAT one lol) and your miserable life will continue to be so regaurdless of who you employ.

dani in ayer said...

Am I the only one who is deeply disturbed by Mom's post at 5:26?
Mom, you need help. Serious help. Why don't you get off this board and do something constructive with your children? You are without a doubt the biggest troll on this board.

Alicia said...

I am a nanny and both families that I worked/work for have offered to pay for my first aid and CPR costs without me asking. This is greatly appreciated since the reason I am taking the courses is for the sole reason of keeping their dc safe from harm. I did not expect either family to pay this cost, since it is a part of my job description, but nonetheless, it is truly appreciated to not have to endure that cost.

Anonymous said...

dani in ayer (AKA 9:21,12:14 and 4:46)
yup, just you. you seem to be the only person here who is deeply disturbed.

Anonymous said...

You are giving parents a bad name.

cali mom said...

Well well well, where to begin...

OP, I was unsure of what my thoughts were on this situation, other than the loosely formed opinion that if employers require certain certifications or RE-certifications, they should pay for them. And then you posted again. So...I now have a better sense of what kind of person you really are and why you are so sour about your nanny. You sound like someone who is resentful of a lot of things but too much of a wuss or a manipulative bitch to speak up honestly and be upfront about discussing issues so as to resolve them appropriately.

If you're so annoyed by your nanny ordering her own car service every time she works late, you should have simply said, after the first time she did so "we will gladly call a taxi for you when we get home, please don't make the arrangements for yourself without asking us first. Thanks." Problem solved. I'm sure she has as little respect for you as you clearly do for her. And I tend to agree with the poster who wondered why you were so annoyed at having to be primary caregiver of your own children for 3 days.

t.r. at 5:00, ROFLMAO again! You are spot on.

And same to mom at 5:26. LOLOL!

chick said...


It's clear you neither like nor respect your nanny, so in your position I would simply let her go and find a new person to employ. Of course, you don't mention in your complaint whether you are happy with her job performance or not, so who knows if you actually want someone new?

To address your points:

CPR and Vaccinations: Reimburse her for these things. Have her provide a reciept/certificate and then you'll be sure she's done what you want.

Travel: Does she get extra pay for travel? Is she given her own room, or does she have to room-in with your children? Does she work 24/7 when she travels, or is she working only her normal number of hours? These are all things to be included in a work agreement, and FYI, it costs more to have her work extra hours, room-in, and travel at all. Your vacation is not nanny's vacation.

Car Service: Speak up, and tell her YOU will gladly PAY the car service/taxi fare when YOU make the call, but otherwose she needs to foot the bill herself. Have a mature discussion and determine when you BOTH believe car service? taxi fare is neccessary, and then stick to that agreement.

Snow Boots: Just say NO next time. Or go ahead and make the purchase and let it go.

FYI, I am a professional nanny, and I pay for my own training, and try very hard to not take any sort of advantage of my employers. They are terrific, and they respect me and don't take advantage of me either. They bought me a vehicle (new, large, safe) to use for work and personal time 3 months into my employment. They don't bitch about that expense on-line, they consider it needed to keep their kids and I safe.

Try the respect and forgiveness thing - it makes you feel better, not bitter.

chick said...

Ack, sorry for the sloppy post. Obviously time to log-off, since my fingers are no longer working well!

Meme said...

IMO Cali Mom said it all. I agree with her on this one 100%.

Meme said...

WOW! I just looked back at all the comments on this post and I missed out on a lot of fun in my absence, That will teach me to take a day away!

jj said...

Did you really think you had to write all of that? OP's post was about being taken advantage of. Generally people don't feel taken advantage of if they are holding up their end of the deal. I am sure that if they spoke about travel and had it in writing, then the nanny knew travel was involved and knew the rate of travel. For the record, I don't travel with my nanny because it's just too expensive to pay your nanny fairly when you travel. Everyone I know who has a nanny realizes this and so most of us use PT help on vacations, although a familiar face would be welcome-having your nanny is VERY expensive. Unless you are an ass and don't know how to pay someone fairly for their services. A nanny who travel with you is more akin to be paid like a baby nurse. My baby nurse is currently costing me 3K per week.

Thank you OP for responding and not posting what you thought they needed to hear, but what you really felt. There are some great nannies out there, but there are also a lot of nannies that seem to hold their employer's ass's over the flames demanding one thing after the next. And even tough talking employers who like to pretend they crack the whip seem to be at the mercy of these moody and obstinate nannies.

Sue Doe Nim,
I don't know what you are babbling about. What is supposed to be happening on Tuesday? Most of your comments make little sense.

There seem to be a bunch of 'new faces' on this board, it's been awhile since I've been on here regular. Nice article in the LA newspaper. What celebrity does Jane work for? Does it have anything to do with the insufferable pro Alec Baldwin propoganda that polluted the blog months back?

I have a request- if you are submitting a Perspective and Opinion Post, I would love to know where you are writing in from. Location is everything.

cali mom said...

translation for jj:

C (see) U (you) N (ext) T (uesday).

I think you'll have to figure out the rest yourself if you didn't understand it the first time around.

jj said...

How deliciously common.

Meme said...

LMAO!!!! You asked for it, jj!

NiceNanny said...

Wtf? Nannies are in charge? Demanding? Huh? In all my years as a nanny I have yet to even come in contact with one as you decribe. Sounds ridiculous!

Now bitter/jealous/neglectful moms-THEY are a dime a dozen!

Here's a hint- if you have had more than 2 nannies- the problem is (most likely) YOU.

Anonymous said...

Some people are so rude. I have been a nanny/babysiter for 10+ years. Through not necessarily my experience, but from others I've talked to or read about.... Most of the time, the family provides pay for the classes that they want taken (cpr, first aid, etc.) For the flu shot.... that's a tough one. She might not get it otherwise and therefore it would be right for you to pay for that, because that is a medical and personal thing. For the boots... WOW, no way should you have paid for them. Every person who goes through winter either has a pair of boots or doesn't mind wearing non waterproof shoes. She was manipulating you there. As for the vacation if she chose not to go with you then you shouldn't have paid her. Or at least given her only half pay. It's one thing if you didn't want to take her/invite her, then yes of course she should still be paid, but not if she was asked to come and decided not to. Watch this nanny... Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

chick, that was a great post, not sloppy at all. YOu sound like a great nanny.

Anonymous said...

In any position, items required for the job, are to be provided by the Employer or the cost of same to be reimbursed to the employee. This is the law in most states (47) in our country, including all of the east. For example, jobs that require international travel pay for your passport. Jobs that require driving pay for gas or mileage. Tool cutters get work shoes, builders get their licensing fees, nurses get their immunizations, lunch ladies get hair nets, CEO's get dry cleaning, etc., etc. If these employers require cpr, flu-shot, snow boots, etc., they get to pay for them. It is employment law. All these bloggers saying the nanny is getting good pay for her work: C'mon! Besides Full-Time Parents & Teachers, Nannies and Day-Care providers are the most important people in the world. They are rearing your children! The pay is abyssmal, and if we respected the position, and treated it like the profession it is, the pay would reflect that. Nannies are entrusted with our most precious gifts. Remember that.

Anonymous said...

I think Quinn had it right. Give her the benefit of the doubt and pay for the updates THIS TIME. I think she's taking advantage, but...then sit down with her and review everything, including your expectations regarding travel, keeping HERSELF in compliance with the terms of her employment, etc. DO NOT buy her ANY more clothing ( unless you require her to hand it over to you to be given back when a job-related situation arises....tee,hee,hee ) This " I wouldn't need it but for the job " issue could get WAY out-of-hand. This one does have her hand out, but sadly, that overwhelming sense of entitlement seems to be rampant these days, especially amoung the young.

Anonymous said...

Most professional career nannies have a written work agreement-
seems like you could benefit from having one- just google nanny work agreement and you'll find some samples.

Also, most families give an agreed to amount for on-going training- which includes CPR/1st Aid Cert. - as well as attending child-realted/nanny conferences.
Half paid for by the nanny and half paid for by the employer.
Figure out what she will take during the year- and split the cost down the middle- and once she signs up for a class- add your half of the payment.

I think that is fair....and that is what we are all looking for -
nannies and families...

Anonymous said...

Hi, I think you should pay for the flu shot and the classes. When you're the one requesting that she has them I think that's reasonable. I also think that if you want her to take your kids in the snow then it's reasonable for you to purchase the supplies she needs. You said she reflects an attitude of entitlement but honestly honey, she is taking care of YOUR CHILDREN!! She spends more time with your family than you do! She IS entitled!! Not trying to sound rude, but it's true.

nanny said...

I just left a family where I was the nanny of 5 children, 2 sets of twins and a singleton in the middle. I was with this family for 10 1/2 years. The first set of twins where 3 months old when I started.
When I made the choice to become a nanny I also made the choice to be cpr and first aid certified. I felt that it was a responsibility of my own as this was the career that I was choosing to get into. I was a live in and they supplied a car and paid the insurance and most of the gas. I did fill the tank if I used the car for my own usage which was the right thing to do. It was also my own choice to get my flu shot every year. The last thing that a family needs is for thier live in nanny to have the flu with little babies around her.
I feel that I am not the typical nanny as I have always gone above and beyond my duties. As a live in I have always thought that I need to do just as much as the others in the house do to keep it running smoothly, be it emptying the dishwasher to poop patrol in the back yard after the dog. I was hired as a nanny for children not for the dog but I became the nanny for the dog as well which was fine.
Back to your question reguarding cpr,first aid, flu shots. If a person is a life guard they have to have those things done and up to date to keep there job, and unless you told your nanny that you would pay for those things up front then you do not have any reason to pay for them. It is the nanny's responsiblity to keep them up to date.

nanny said...

And on the vacation spot, I was asked if I would join the family at certain times and then not on others which was fine with me. They paid me either way. If they didn't need me to go with them then they paid me anyway as I did not ask for that time off. I did stay at home, (their home as I was a live in) and took care of the dog which usually saved them another $400 from not putting the pet in a boarding facility.
Insurance was never asked from me. I was an individual and needed to pay for that myself I felt. They did as I stated before pay for the car insurance.

Anonymous said...

Hi OP, Your nanny is definitely taking advantage of you. Besides paying $20 per hour (which is more than most sitters make), what makes you think she is a professional nanny? It seems to me a professional nanny would never ask you to pay for snow boots. Sneakers and snow boots are a basic requirement of being a nanny. Also, your husband feels the nanny screwed you/him outright by refusing to come on the trip although this was previously agreed, and on top of it, demanding pay anyway. It sounds like he is very correct. I don't understand why you think this person is a professional nanny. It sounds instead like a well paid uneducated manipulative person working as a babysitter. Taking the liberty to call a car service when she has worked past her normal departure time is unbelievably disrespectful. Of course you should have spoken up immediately. There is no reason you should have paid if she took the liberty of calling without even checking. She is obviously pissed she had to work past her normal time and feels entitled, or feels she should be compensated more that she is, for working past her normal time. As for the flu shot, I see this as less problematic. Local stores such as CVS, etc. offer free flu shots quite regularly. It is not much money anyway, so if you want to be sure your "nanny" complies, why not just pay. As for the CPR training, ideally you should pay for the tuition for the training and perhaps the hours she spends at the training.

My main issue is this. I just don't understand why parents post on this board with issues of "nannies" being disrespectful or innappropriate (like this OP's post) and they still think the "nanny" is great with the kids. Why do parents think that a person who is manipulative or dishonest or whatever, that their actions are not spilling over onto the children? Of course a person who is manipulative or dishonest or entitled or whatever is just that, and they cannot be totally perfect, a Mary Poppins, when it comes to the kids either. One cannot hide their true colors. Personally I would not want a person who displays negative qualities to their employer to be the children's caretaker.

Anonymous said...

Sorry for the typo. That should be "feels she should be compensated more thaN she is."

Issues of Female Disabled Veterans said...

At the risk of repeating myself, I am the mom of three grown kids and have worked for others and myself for the last 30 years. All kids are either in college or already graduated, and I think I did a pretty good job.

Whether or not the nanny lives in or out, $10 per kid is one of the lowest prices I've ever heard of.

When I accept a position anywhere, whether I am employed or on contract, there are certain qualifications I have to meet and/or exceed to prove I have the experience and skills necessary to complete my job duties.

If I am self-employed, I am responsible for keeping up with my certifications. However, if I am employed by someone else, it is presumed to be their responsibility to keep me certified.

In your situation, not only are you being petty, but you are being downright cheap. Proof of immunization and a flu shot is standard anywhere--my kids needed that to get into every school and jobs afterwards.

Flu shots from then on (as inexpensive as $10 or $20 at the local pharmacy) is something you can and should afford--especially if you require im. Many people don't want or need shots; anything you require as acondition of employment, you're paying for, sweetheart.

As for vacinnations, if she's old enough to be a nanny and she's American, she should have everything she needs, unless she wants the new one for ovarian cancer protection, and I'd say if she wants that, she can pay for it (unless she's covered under your medical plan).

If she's foreign and doesn't have all the vacinnations needed to be in the country, how did you get her here?

Drawing the line at paying for snowboots? You don't need a nanny, you need a lawyer. However, if she refused to go away on vacation with you and it was a condition of employment (hopefully you wrote it down), then she breeched her contract.

If she "demanded" pay and you paid her, you basically agreed that it was owed.

You need to learn more about how to handle employment contracts and worry less about the petty issues that seem to be filling up your pretty little head.

nobs said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
nobs said...

She sounds pretty awful. I am a "babysitter" (I don't live with the kids I work with) who takes care of a two year old and twin infants. I make $11.00 an hour which is more than most daycare facilities, etc would pay me for working with even more kids. My employer is very generous because she is very satisfied with how I work with her kids. She set me up to get my CPR certification and paid for it because she thought of it after I was hired and it was important to her. I offered to pay myself but she refused. I still feel guilty that she paid since I get paid so well anyway.
Since you and your nanny agreed at the beginning of her employment that she would maintain certain certfications and immunizations then she need to follow through with that. Unless you specifically said you'd cover the costs you are under no obligation to do so. The snowboots thing is just ridiculous, and you should not have to give her paid time off unless that was agreed upon at the start of her employment. My suggestion would be to find a new nanny. A girl who is so ready to take advantage of you might also be taking advantage of your trust. What is she like with your kids when you aren't around? She might be "nice" according to them, but how much time are they spending in front of the TV or just playing alone in their rooms? Also, if you don't always agree with her on things, what is she like with your kids on days when she is irritated with you. For the amount you're paying you could easily replace this girl with a responsible, reasonable, mature person who you and your children like.

Anonymous said...

Re: "keeping HERSELF in compliance with the terms of her employment, etc."

Yes, if the contract she agreed to required her to renew and pay for her CPR and flu shot, and travel with no advance notice, she would have to do that. My issue is with the fairness of the contract. If you want the person caring for your children to be happy, go above and beyond, and stay with your family for the long hall, you don't nickel and dime them. You pay for the classes and shots you require, and you treat her with the understanding that she has a life, and needs to make arrangements ahead of time to go out of town.
OP, your nanny may be manipulative (the snow boots and all), but if you replace her, pay for the new nanny's flu shot. The good will is worth it, or look at it this way. The cost of the class plus flu shot is about $100. At $20 an hour, she will work six hours to pay for it, factoring in tax. If you can afford ski trips, $100 is not a hardship for you.

harumph....... said...

I am so over nanny types and their libeleral backers making comments such as "if you can afford a ski trip, $100 is not a hardship for you". Yes, I can afford a ski trip. I can also afford to drive a very nice car, by that logic, should I buy my neighbor's nanny a car? I could afford to. I could also afford to buy my own nanny's entire wardrobe or put huge woofers and a complex sound system with strobe lights in the nanny car, should I do that to? How is my success at all related what I need to do for the next person? Especially if they are not doing what they are supposed to be doing?

Anonymous said...

We don't know where the OP lives, but $20 an hour is not especially high is large city markets, where the cost of living is high.

Anonymous said...

libeleral ?
The point is not that the employer is affluent, but that she is cheap in the way she treats the employee

chick said...


Did you really feel the need to write all that in response to my post? I was simply expressing my thoughts and opinions, which is why this blog is open to comments, yes?

Obviously, OP and her nanny haven't spoken sufficiently about travel, because there is an issue. I suspect the issue is centered around pay, which, as you point out, needs to be high to compensate nanny for taking a work trip.

And seriously? 3K per week for a baby nurse? Is she one of the new-wave wet-nurse baby nurses, or has she had her own TV show or book? Of course, if you're in LA, you overpay for everything.

I've no recollection of reading any commemts posted by you before. When were you commenting? I'd just love to read some more of your witty and expense based discourse. I must have missed it somehow...I've read this site from the start. I guess I ignored...ahem, MISSED, the Alec Baldwin kerfluffe as well.

Best regards,


harumph........ said...

The point is not that the employer has money. Most people who employ real nannies have money. I am so sick of nannies with their hand out. They look around at what their employer has and feel justified to ask for everything and the moon.

nobs said...

Perhaps part of the reason OP can afford ski trips is because she knows how to handle money. Let's say she spends her savings whenever someone else asks her for something...eventually such things would add up and what would be left for her future (ie. retirement, kids' college, family vacations, etc.)? Just because someone can afford a trip doesn't mean they are loaded and don't have a financial care in the world, it just means they know how to use a budget. Like I said before, I make 11 and hour and I feel guilty asking for things from my boss who I know works hard and saves to have what she has. If I want that I will work for it myself.

chick said...

Harumph, most real nannies don't see their employer's money as a justification to ask for "everything and the moon".

The illegal, underpaid or disliked nannies/sitters might feel that way though.

And that is a great reason to find a professional nanny who believes in mutual respect as a key component to a long-term relationship.

Anonymous said...

I am currently a SAHM but I was at one time a working mother. I don't think a SAHM is any less of a working mother. That said, the OP is right; she is being taken advantage of. I was a licensed insurance agent working for one of the biggest companies in the US and all recertification fees and classes were my responsibility. And this was required to maintain my employment and no regard was given to pay scale. I understand that offering to pay for these things is a nice perk and would go a long way to making your employee feel valued. But the rest, not going on vacation that was agreed upon and expecting to be paid takes a lot of nerve. Start looking for a new nanny that will meet the requirements that you have and be sure to put it all in writing.

Anonymous said...

worst case ever of an entitles nanny-
nanny is hired with 6 months experience with children, substantial experience with laundry and ironing. She is working with a hands on mother and another nanny learning how to take care of the children and how to keep their house in order. The nice family helps her get her green card, pays for her driver's training and allows it during work hours, and a liscence, insurance, and pre existing medical needs not covered by the insurance. Now same nanny tells everyone how she is taken advantage of as a professional nanny. And how she could leave and go and make double anywhere.

Say what?
Where is the gratitude?

MaryFreakinPoppins said...

I am SOOOOOOOOO glad I don't work for people like I hear about on here! WOW! I have been a nanny off and on for 12 years. I have a nursing degree, an AA in child development and a BS in psychology. I have run playgroups, worked as a Pre-K teacher and have a child of my own who is now a teenager. I have taught kids yoga and sign language at the Y as well.

I have worked for all kinds of people- and have even had to quit once. But I have NEVER been demanding- or met anyone like the nannies some of you so negatively describe.

My employers pay me a salary- I get paid whether they take the day off, I get sick, they go on vacation or whatever. I am paid $27 an hr. for one child (off the books- their choice as I pay taxes and file as an independent contractor). I am not expected to do housework though I do clean up what we mess up, I might pick up the child's room if it's messy (which it rarely is) or organize the playroom- though when I do they insist I didn't need to. I also water the plants, empty the dishwasher and load it if there are things out and I might pick up something from the store if needed. Again- all things I just do to be helpful. I stay late or come early if needed without hesitation and they have never taken advantage of that and are always grateful.
They trust me with their child whom I love like my own- though when she says she wishes I were her mommy- I gently redirect her to reality. I swing right with her on the swings, make up games for the whole playground, sit with the SAHM’s at the playground, chauffer playdates, take her to every imaginable place, accompany her to parties, read her stories (have given her tons of books), help her do her homework, teach her new things, discipline with love and thought to her well being and respect her parents wishes. I let her wear tutu’s and crocs to the library, remind her to take her thumb out of her mouth and sing songs over and over in the car. I guide her, listen to her, foster her independence and help to build her confidence. I go to her dance recitals, might buy her the latest Webkinz, bake cookies with her and encourage her to do things for herself. I want the best for that family! It helps that I CHOSE a family that shared my philosophies and I was confident they were good parents. The same should go for the employee you are searching for I’d assume.

In return, they respect me. They give me days off constantly (paid) typically once a week, sometimes twice! I go home early regularly and if I ask for time off they accommodate me. I get 3 weeks paid vacation (1 I pick, 1 they pick, one pre-arranged). They have given me memberships to the zoo, gym and children’s museums that I can use with my own child- who by the way they welcome into their home and he comes and swims and goes on outings with us occasionally. They let me stop at the bank or the store if I need to, buy me gifts on holidays and have given me things like furniture when they were switching things out and THOUSANDS of dollars in their daughters outgrown clothes for my foster niece. Hell the mom often offers me a Heineken or a glass of wine by the pool on a Fri eve and we are good friends.

I didn’t luck out, I was selective and high expectations for this relationship. These situations I hear about on here seem just unreal and to be frank a LOT of the employers come across as just plain bitter. I know a LOT of terrific nannies and situations just like mine. I don’t understand why parents cannot manage to hire competent employees ESPECIALLY when it come to the person who will be with your child all day. If there is a problem- the fault lies with the parents- so if you’re bi*ching about your nanny you deserve your situation IMO- get it together for the sake of your kids and be responsible! A convenient scapegoat might paint you in a victim’s light to your snotty friends but who REALLY suffers her and the expense of your idiocy? YOUR CHILDREN.

Anonymous said...

You should pay for the first aid recertifications. That's normal and nothing to complain about.

Car service- no. Taxi-yes

Snow boots- no, unless it's for work. This means if I don't skate but the family wants me to skate with their child, they should buy the skates.

Regarding vacations, did you offer her a fair wage? If the nanny has to travel with the family, she gets her usual rate+own room+ allowance (about $100-200 more a day). And everything else is of course paid by the family (except souvenirs and whatever she wants to buy herself)

Anonymous said...

why in the hell would you need to pay for a nanny's taxi? If the subway is good enough for me, it's sure as hell good enough for her!

erics mom said...

Well if I was working after midnight I wouldn't want to take the subway alone. Its good that you don't mind and have balls. But I wouldn't want to take a chance and end up in an alley.

erics mom said...

And as a parent wouldn't you feel bad. Knowing you came home from a great late night out, and your sending your nanny on a subway?
I don't have a babysitter, but I would be worried if they are traveling alone.

Mimi said...

My only comments are in reference to the snowboots. When I was a nanny I traveled extensively with my family. I never asked for snowboots or any wardrobe attire, however I was given anything and everything I needed to travel. En route to Maine where we would be staying mid winter we stopped at LL Bean, THEY bought me, snow/mud boots, fleece pullovers, and a down coat. I would NEVER wear mud boots in Cleveland and therefore why would I need to spend 100 bucks on them? My husbands job provides his shatter proof prescription glasses, and kevlar saftey gloves....If a employer needs you to have something in particular for a trip then they need to provide it. Same goes for when we traveled to London, she wouldn't be caught dead with me at the ritz in my payless shoes so she bought me coach loafers...If its job specific then they need to buy....My thought only.

Anonymous said...

harumph...I LOVE your name! Too, too clever!
And to whoever called harumph a liberal:
I believe it is the typical liberal stance to feel entitled to share in the wealth of the wealthy by any means possible. She is saying the opposite. While you may feel that calling someone a liberal is a fine insult, it is more effective if you use it on actual liberals.

Anonymous said...

I can't help wondering what all of these people do for a living that can afford to pay $20.00+ per hour for childcare, plus medical insurance and perks. By the time these same people pay for a work wardrobe, transportation, lunch out every day and taxes, how many make enough to make this worth being away from their children every day? If they are so wealthy that this is all no problem financially, I am thinking maybe they have the ability to be home raising their own children and have no job at all?

And $3,000 a week for a baby nurse? Newborn babies sleep, eat and poop. Occasionally you bathe them, which takes 15 minutes. Aside from the sleep deprivation, it's not all that hard. Can people not even take care of their own babies for the first couple of months without passing them off to a stranger to raise? When does the bonding take place, I wonder? What do such people want with children in the first place?

I have a friend who is a stay at home mom. She has a house manager, housekeepers and a nanny. She has to do literally nothing in her home. Two years ago I sat at her home with her, watching all of these people scurrying around doing everything for her as she cried real tears over how hard it was to take care of her baby, who did almost nothing but sleep. I had no words.

Anonymous said...

No one called Harumph a liberal, they were pointing out that she/he misspelled it.

Anonymous said...

marypoppins @2:13, I couldn't agree with you more!!

erics mom said...

Is it true baby nurses make up to $3,000 a week? Sounds pretty high.
I am assuming its 24/7 7 days a week.

Anonymous said...

I am a nanny although not in New York, and while I would love to make what this nanny is making I make no where near it. I do belive that the family should pay for any certifications and shots that they are requiring, unless they provide health insurance that will cover it. I have been to NY and the ride home after 10ish I can understand, before that it should be up to the nanny. I use my own leased car for all travel to, from, and for the kids and always have in my 8+ years. The boots were also something that I cannot see the family needing to pay for unless they did not like the nanny wearing Payless or Target boots that you can get for $24.
If the vacation was something that was agreed apon at the beginning and you gave enough notice then she should have went. If it was last minute or she has other obligations then it would be understandable that she did not go, but didn't receive pay. One thing that I do find that families that employ nannies all over this country do not seem to realize though is that nannies are people that have lives after work too (and this unfortunately includes the family I currently work for) All in all you sound like a pretty fair employer that to some extent is getting taken advantage of. I would sit down with her an redefine the rules and have her sign a new contract.

For everyone else who are rude: It really isn't needed. ALso please remember that while there are a lot of bad nannies out there that are only out there for a pay check, there are also a lot of bad parents out there that take COMPLETE advantage of the people that they have taking care of their familes and lives. Remember your nanny, housekeeper, etc is a person and has they same feelings, hopes, and dreams that you do, and are not just dust beneath your feet.

Bag said...

6.26 -Maybe your friend had postpartum depression?

Anonymous said...

Quite possible, although I fear that it was more a reflection of her general behavior in all of life.

Anonymous said...

$3,000 a week for 24/7 is about $18 an hour. Not a lot in NYC.

Anonymous said...

If you are a woman taking the subway home through Brooklyn or the South Bronx alone at night, you are either stupid, or can't afford a taxi, in which case I am sorry, and hope you have some mace. Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

Maybe she's just a tough bitch?

Anonymous said...

Your nanny should be fired.

Meme said...

3:00. did you really put "first?" Please go back to Perez Hilton.

cutefemmegirl said...

lol ... I thought the same thing when I saw it. (TMZ)

VancouverNanny said...

Okay there have been tons of replies and I admit I did not read them all but I thought I'd reply anyway :o)

I am a professional nanny and my employers paid for my initial cpr course. If they had asked me to get it on my own I would have but they just booked me in for a time and gave me the date.

I would not ask them to buy me boots unless it was a very cold climate where I would have to spend at least $100 on which case though I'd imagine I would already own some! ;)

As for vacation if I was asked to go on vacation it would be all expenses paid as well as paid work time. That is standard. And yes, I get paid when my family is not is their choice to leave for short vacations. This is my full time permanent employment, I can not just loose pay because they decide to go away. How would you feel if you were constantly told at your job "oh don't come in this week" and you had no choice about the loss of income? Similiarly when they want to go out for lunch they pay for me.

Now let me add I have a fantastic relationship with my employers and I am a mature responsible person. When my cpr comes up for renewal I will do it myself. However there was nothing in my work agreement with them about them paying in the first place so who knows maybe they will offer again without me asking.

I think in most cases what she is requesting is legitimate IF it is agreed upon and in the original work agreement/contract. HOWEVER in this particular case I would say she is in the wrong because it is not in the agreement.

Also if you, as the employer, feel so poorly about her attitude and work ethic I think you should replace her, plain and simple. This is not just an employee, this is a 3rd parent to your children, you should be best friends with her as you are with your husband.

cali mom said...

" This is my full time permanent employment, I can not just loose pay because they decide to go away. How would you feel if you were constantly told at your job "oh don't come in this week" and you had no choice about the loss of income?"

Vancouvernanny, this happens all the time. In construction, the whole crew can get rained out, and they are ALWAYS paid hourly. No work, no pay. This applies to any hourly job. Companies often shut down completely between Christmas and new year and ALL hourly employees lose pay if they don't get it back in the form of a holiday bonus or opt to use their vacation pay to cover it.

erics mom said...


If your husband loses work for the week or two, can't he collect unemployment?

And the same for nannies if a family loses their job and your out of work, can't you collect?
As long as you are claiming your income?

Vancouver Nanny said...

Cali mom: You are right but that is the nature of that type of work. Construction workers move from job to job and can pick up extra work where they want. I sign a contract for a year and stick to it. I wouldn't lump nannies and construction workers in one category. There are lots of general labour workers available that are moving around the industry all the time for the reasons you are talking about exactly. If you don't want your nanny doing this...if you want a good professional university educated nanny you need to treat them the same way you expect to be treated in order to stay with you for their full committment. I can not simply pick up extra work the way my friends that work in labour jobs can and I am expected to be able to be available for my scheduled 55 hours a week unlike them where their company can survive if they do not come in one day. What would my family do if I said "oh I've decided I'm not coming thursday and friday because I want a long weekend"? It would be unacceptable of me to do it and it is unacceptable of the family to do it to me without paying me and still expect me to stick around. These are the types of jobs that give this profession a bad name. No wonder so few women consider this a profession and instead families are forced to hire young girls with little experience or foreign workers.

chick said...

Cali mom,

As far as nannies being paid hourly are concerned, most are actually working for a weekly salary. Why? Because if you pay hourly you also have to pay ***OVERTIME***, and nannies who know this have asked for OT often enough, and loudly enough, that parents who know what they are doing usually set up a weekly salary.

For example: $600 for up to 50 hour of work, and $12 per hour AFTER that 50 hour max is reached.

The employer here saves $60 in regular work hour OT, plus $6 per hour if they exceed 50 hours in a week.

This arrangement means nannies are paid full salary 52 weeks per year regardless of the employers vacation time (2 weeks, 10 weeks, it's all paid time off), and parents have the ability to avoid paying 10 hours of OT every week.

Of course, if nanny is supposed to always travel with her employers, then paid time off should be her choice, not given IF they feel they don't need her to come on a trip.

If you "lay off" your nanny when you don't need her to work, you generally have to then hire a new nanny. Because old nanny will be working at a new and better job that pays 52 week per year when you want her back.

Anonymous said...

thanks vancouver nanny for setting calimother straight.
This job is totally different from construction, and true to the other posters. If you leave without paying me, I will find another job...are you kidding.
Parents would love to have it that good.
I thought slavery was over???
You parents really floor me everytime with your comments.

I guarantee if nanny said (like yu said) that they will not e coming in a few days, the water cooler conversation would be boiling- when thta parent is through telling every dick jane and sue 'the nerve of her' and one would not be surprised if one does not have a job after coming from a long weekend...what is this double standard!!!! hells to the no.

You parents are going to learn a lesson one day, oh that day is coming- when you will no longer dictate the rules! can't wait.

Lets see which nannnies will get on board.

cali mom said...

Eric's mom, yes, if my husband is laid off for a week by his FT employer, he can apply for unemployment. Vancouver nanny, he doesn't just wander door to door seking out odd jobs. He is employed on the books as a FT employee for a contractor, and if weather delays a job, it is out of anyone's control.

Chick and others, if you accept an hourly paid job, you know what you're getting into. Employers in any industry know the benefits to them of paying salary instead of hourly, because they can avoid paying OT. If you work for salary, this whole discussion is moot to you. If you are salaried and your employer screws you out of the terms of your contract, you take the necessary action or you bitch about it on a message board, your choice. Every industry has a$$hole employers sometimes and undesirable terms of employment. You learn to work your way around them, accept them, or switch industries. You work off the book without a contract, oh well. Good luck.

1:14, if you could improve your english literacy skills a bit, you might find you have more and better-paying career choices available to you. Sorry the nannying gigs aren't working out so well.

Anonymous said...

That's why 1:14 is so pissed. She seems to need an attitude adjustment ... and a course in writing skills.