Received Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I observed this yesterday, (10/15) at the playground on E. 76th. in NYC. One helicopter mom wearing a lightweight red jacket, blue designer jeans and slides was playing with, hovering over her curly haired, blonde boy of maybe 3 y.o. Nearby, a boy of the same age was playing and he was holding a plastic 4-WD, lime green vehicle that was the size of a coffee cup. This little boy was driving the truck up and down the equipment, the sidings, the steps and having a good, independent time. Then he neared where this boy was and then he drove his vehicle on to the back of the other little boy. Helicopter mom said, "oh, no, no. no" or something like that. Then the little boy with the 4 WD toy's nanny came over and dragged him away by his earlobe telling him he was 'naughty'. Is this a case of helicopter moms making it hard for other children to play? Helicopter moms making it hard for nannies to comprehend whether or not their charges actually did something wrong? Or just a crappy nanny who shouldn't be dragging a kid away by his earlobe and calling him naughty? This nanny wore a tan shirt with horizontal stripes and brown pants, she had very dark hair, fair skin and was Hispanic of limited English abilities.
38 comments:
This site is about nannies, not NYC moms who hover constantly. The nanny assumed the child "did" something- not recognizing the anxiety issue mommy's problem.
1152- what are you saying?
i see this as a nanny problem. ability to comprehend english, specifically.
I see this as a mommy problem. Cheap mommy has to skimp on their child's safety by hiring illegal aliens.
Why aren't these parents placed in prison for endangering their child?
I'm sorry, there's never a moment in time a Nanny needs to grab an ear.
Never.
My eldest is 9 and I've never needed to touch hers so I'm fairly confident that you can tell a nanny to keep her stinkin hands off the kids' ears.
I hope she's fired immediately.
As for helicopter mom... ick. She should be embarrassed but never will be. They're always quite certain that they're wonderful.
Good report.
Ooh, and if you have a nanny in NYC you can probably live somewhere else on much less. I hope that job is worth it to the mother whose child is being tormented by a stranger.
I'm sorry, there's never a moment in time a Nanny needs to grab an ear.
Never.
My eldest is 9 and I've never needed to touch hers so I'm fairly confident that you can tell a nanny to keep her stinkin hands off the kids' ears.
I hope she's fired immediately.
As for helicopter mom... ick. She should be embarrassed but never will be. They're always quite certain that they're wonderful.
Good report.
Ooh, and if you have a nanny in NYC you can probably live somewhere else on much less. I hope that job is worth it to the mother whose child is being tormented by a stranger.
"Is this a case of helicopter moms making it hard for other children to play?"
No, there is nothing wrong with helicopter moms or helicopter nannies. A three year old is a toddler, and I think it is okay to keep a close eye on toddlers.
As for the nanny yanking the little boy's ear, that was not necessary. It's cruel.
I think you're all maybe not getting the deeper point here. Maybe it was really more of a mother/son moment that we even realize. Just think, perhaps just at the very moment junior was having his ear yanked by the cheap illegal nanny, his mommy was holding a pair of beautiful diamond earrings to her own ear and admiring how lovely they look, and thinking once again how grateful she is for all she saves on child care so she can afford to buy such nice things for herself.
Perhaps she and her son connect on a deeper spiritual level that way and we are all just being too hard on her.
12:31 PM
I think I love you
12:31- you're kind of a bitch, but I think I like it!
why does everyone immediately assume that this child with the shitty nanny has an abhorrent mother?
Good mothers dont need nannies?
Good mothers cant be fooled into thinking someone is taking good care of thier child?
The diamond earring parable is entertaining but unfounded.
I despise mothers like that, I see them often but stop assuming that everyone who hires a nanny falls into that category
Thank you!
I think this blog was set up to help good parents to know they should look in on their nannies- that anyone can be fooled. It is especially hard for working parents to authenticate a nanny's true character. Surely, she can put on a mary poppins-esque show in the morning for five minutes and turn it on in the evening to say goodbye. Let us not make light of this. A lot of working mothers work very hard to find what they think is quality childcare. And when you read the horror stories of shaken babies, don't you wonder if anyone saw any signs that the nanny wasn't right before? I do.
Elizabeth from the view was talking about this blog this morning on the view. I think it is an awesome tool to connect people. People we might otherwise know. And we should all be looking out for the children, all of the children in our path!
12:31....Lmao!
Anyway, I think the issue has problems on both sides. Of course, we dont know the mom or why she may be so overly protective, but she needs to back off and let her kid be a kid.
The nanny may have interpreted the mom's exclaimation as an indication that her charge has done something wrong, but the way she manhandled the child was wrong.
So neither side wins, but neither side was really bad enough to warrent posting on this site, IMHO.
Hispanic nannies don't use the word "Naughty",lmao. J/K
Why did the mom say no no. I mean it was just another child. The same age as her son. He had a small toy in his hand not a rock. Couldn't she talked to the other child in a nicer way, and maybe include him in playing with her son as well. I can't believe how snotty some moms are. Not wanting other children playing with their kids. Thats what the playground is for, kids to interact as well.
Its sad the other boy I am sure didn't realize what he was doing. He probably wanted to play with the little boy.
1:10 You must be new.
I have seen many postings here that lead me to believe that, on this site, everybody has compassion for the parents who HAVE to work. (That is in HAVE to work in order to provide necessities of life, like food, shelter, clothing, etc. Necessities, however, do not include bigger houses, fancier cars, jewelery, cosmetic procedures, jewelery, escaping to a job simply in order to feel "personally fulfilled", or hiring nannies just so they don't have to be bothered with raising their own child.) Although it sounds like we are generalizing to include all working parents, it does not seem to be the case. At least that's how I interpret it, and also how I feel.
If you HAVE to work and have to hire childcare...we love you here.
Before all working mothers are shamed back to
their kids and their houses by the tireless preaching
of the "bad mother" police, could I please have some details about the necessities of life? What is a fancy car? How big is the house allowed to be? Does a good school district rank with cosmetic procedures? How many hours of babysitting will make me officially
a "bad mother"? Is going to the gym a futile reason for babysitting? What about taking care of a sick parent?
Oh, and I do believe that kids should be spending most of their time with their parents. I just happen to live in the real world.
A car that runs is good enough, if the other choice is to leave your child with a stranger all day.
A place that is warm and doesn't leak is good enough, if the other choice is leaving your child with a stranger all day.
You can get a meager apartment in almost any good school district.That's good enough if the other choice is leaving your child with a stranger all day.
Taking care of a sick parent is certainly noble, but your FIRST obligation is to your child.
Get a babysitter and have lunch out once in a while. Go shopping sometimes. Go to the gym a few hours a week (most have a play place where the kids can have fun playing with toys and other kids while waiting for you. They will think they are having a playdate.) Hopefully you are smart enough to use reason in determining how many hours is away is a little break, and how many is abusive.
My kids had playdates at their friends houses sometimes. I was able to do whatever I wanted at those times and my kids never knew the difference. My friends and I traded kids from time to time to give each other a break. The kid is having a good time with friends and mom has an afternoon to herself. We had some very well liked babysitters we would use for my husband and me to go out for evening time alone sometimes. Works very nicely.
Does that help clear things up for you?
Thank you, 5:28, it does clear things up.
Why are we getting off the topic???
From what I can tell, some mom was having trouble deciding how far was acceptable to go in sacrificing her child, and for what level of material posessions this might be considered acceptable. She asked for clarification on that point.
I don't get the comments. I don't see what was wrong with the mom's behavior. So she was a "helicopter mom" for saying "oh no no no" when another kid drove his truck on her kid's back? I don't know, that doesn't seem to indicate much to me - maybe she is over-anxious, but I think it's OK to tell another kid on the playground not to play roughly. Anyway, even assuming the mom was going way overboard in correcting this other kid...why would it be *her* fault that the nanny then treated him abusively? The fault lies ONLY with the nanny.
BTW the ears are really sensitive to pain; that's why in Victorian novels you hear of parents/governesses/whatever "boxing" their charges ears. It is incredibly incredibly painful but doesn't leave marks.
I saw a dad "box" his little boy's ear at Disneyland (for the sin of accidentally and minorly bumping into some stranger) and it was obviously VERY painful. NEVER acceptable to grab or hit a child's ear!!
I also agree that I might have said something if a child ran a truck over my very small toddler's back. Maybe he was doing it roughly. Even if not, running a toy across another child is not "playing together" and is something that could be uncomfortable, especially if the children were very young toddlers. If she said it nicely, it was probably OK for her to jusy say "No, no." If she screamed out and acted like the other child was the devil, then I would agree. But it doesn't say that here.
But 5:28,
what about me?
I am a stay at home mother. I have a full time nanny, a part time nanny and a weekend nanny. Our houses all have solid roofs and our cars, while not economically friendly are very safe. As for a sick parent; mom has her own staff. I don't volunteer for any causes and the children's school is but a(nother) bitch to contend with. There are people to help with homework, pick the children up at school, grocery shop and launder the clothing. Dinner is taken care of and served to the children by six pm most nights. I do try to eat in with them at least twice per week. In truth, I have had to defend myself and my parental skills to many so I am happy to see you so overly critical of the working woman.
7:48
I don't think she meant "working" moms, so much as she meant "selfish, neglectful" moms.
Twice a week you eat dinner with them and still people call into question your excellent mothering skills? I find that totally appalling. You have clearly sacrificed greatly for your children.
You should be sure to read the post about what happened at the East 76th Street playground. I think something bad may have happened to your son while you were out buying earrings.
OP here-
I think if the nanny speak English she would be able to have understood that her child did nothing wrong. The helicoptering mother, albeit a bit overprotective wasn't unkind to the child. But because the nanny could not speak English or understand what was going on, she my guess is to prove how "on top of things" she was set about her nasty punishment of the young child. The little boy with his truck was just adorable and didn't hurt anything. The mother who had said, "no" looked embarassed that the nanny reacted so harshly. Even if your son had been misbehaving, would it be acceptable to drag him by his ear (practically). The poor kid didn't know what he did!
A working mother who is happy with her career and still makes her children a priority is an assett to her family and a better mother. She is a role model for her female offspring. Anyone who in this day and age cares to insult working women is nothing but pathetic.
So, take you venom and your ammunition and set up camp on the grounds of the sahms with nannies or multiple nannies. The sahms who never see their children. The sahms who cannot tell you what their child is studying in class. The sahm who does not know why her daughter cried herself to sleep last night.
If you won't do that and you can't leave us- working mothers alone- I am afraid you just might need to GET A JOB. You know, to satisfy that longing, that instense craving, to fill that vast gaping hole in your sad, little life.
8:06 you must be new. Read through all of the posts. You are jumping to erroneous conclusions.
7:48 PM
I agree with you. It is high time those working women woke up to the necessity of staying home to supervise the household staff properly. If I weren't around to check up on him, I'm sure my chef would serve my little Reginald on plastic plates. Lord knows what the nannies would allow. Probably let him play with other children in public playgrounds from who knows what kind of families!
8:26pm, you are generalizing too much. Maybe you have a rich faithful husband and health insurance and can afford to stay home, some of us have to work. My husband left me for a girl 20 years my junior, and a lot of things changed. Try being a single mom. You know, those kids whom you don't want your little Reginald to play with, they are called poor kids. Poor is what I would have become of me if I stopped working.
The interesting thing is you rich people complain about poor people, and yet you can't stand a mother who is working hard to keep herself and her children out of the poorhouse. You seem very comfortable with your crusade to maintain an economic underclass. Good luck with your husband, and hope that he is not banging the chef.
748
please tell me that is a joke
im gonna just tell myself that was someone being sarcastic to show how extreme it can be.
because if its real, you make me ill.
"This nanny ... had very dark hair, fair skin and was Hispanic of limited English abilities." And this Mister Levin is good at racial profilin'.... Weeheehee!
To 8:39,
8:26 is obviously kidding! She is making fun of the selfish mom who wrote in with umpteen nannies who eats dinner only twice a week with her kids.
Nobody here thinks poorly of a mom like you who HAS to work. Life is life. It's the selfish, neglectful ones who leave their kids all day long because they need to feel "personally fulfilled" that need slapped into next Tuesday.
7:48 here,
I was being COMPLETELY sarcastic when I said I thought she had sacrificed for her kids and I couldn't believe anybody would have the nerve to judge her when she ate two whole meals with her kids each week. Is that what you mean?
That "mother" sounded so completely selfish and horrible in every possible way that I wonder if her post was actually even true. Is anybody really THAT bad of a mother??? Maybe she made it up to make a point, because I can't believe any mom would come on here and write about how completely narcissistic she is like that one did.
If she was real, she's the EXACT kind of mom people here are so unhappy about. Not the ones who have no other choice but to work. Those get nothing but compassion from me. But if anybody reading this has a house full of staff and still can't manage to spend most of your time being a mom, you SUCK.
re: This nanny ... had very dark hair, fair skin and was Hispanic of limited English abilities." And this Mister Levin is good at racial profilin'.... Weeheehee!
That sounds like an accurate description to me. This blog does rely on physical descriptions to identify people. Get over yourself.
And with regard to the Mom who eats 2 meals a night with her children. Where are you? This is a NY centric blog. Do you know how many SAHM mothers with all kinds of FT help do nothing but emotionally abuse their children? Yes, that is the only contribution they make to the child. Emotional abuse. Stop harping on the working mothers.
7:48/10:08, yeah. That egg donor, if she's for real and not making a sick joke, sounds like she accidentally bought a baby instead of a Barbie Doll and decided the return shipping was too expensive to bother sending it back.
Helicopter parents? I really dislike that phrase. There is nothing wrong with supervising your child closely and guiding their development and interaction with other people. This child was 3 and not 12!
Having said that; I don't understand why anyone would hire a nanny who doesn't speak fluent English, especially a parent who has a child that is still mastering the language hisself.
I agree it was good that she was supervising her child. I just thought it would be nice, to include the other child to play with them. I know the other child was running a truck up her sons back, but I don't think it was to be malicious. It could have been handled it a better way on the part of the mother.
And I agree, your nanny should speak and understand English. If she did, she could have interacted with the parent and child.
himself
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