Received Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Sighting location: Old Greenwich, CT. - Tods Point (Greenwich Point) - Beach
Date of Incident: Tuesday, August 8, 2007
Nanny: blonde, slim, late 20's, sounded like a British accent
Children: twin boys (probably fraternal), around 5 years old, blue patterned swim trunks.
Nanny was sitting on beach with twin boys. One boy was very disrespectful and ill behaved. He was hitting his brother with a large sand shovel and when the Nanny attempted to give him a "time out" he resisted, threw sand at her and threatened to hit her with the shovel. He then walked away towards the water where he swam out with his brother up to his neck. Nanny was not wearing a bathing suit but did enter the water up to her knees. She shouted for the boys to come back and they obeyed, but not right away. When he returned to the shore the "time out" was not enforced and the boys continued to play in water. The misbehaved boy then threw sand in his brothers face. The nanny who was standing near by grabbed the boy and dragged him to the "time out" towel by his arm (something she should have done to begin with). He then sat on the towel and threw sand at her. She attempted to ignore his crying, screaming and sand throwing but then appeared to become embarrassed and picked the boy up and carried him up the beach to an isolated spot to speak with him in private. This would have been all well and good, but she left the other boy in the water, ALONE. I watched as she spoke to the other boy about his behavior and quickly realized that her back was turned towards the other boy in the water and if something would have happened she would not have seen and too far away to hear. About 2 minutes later she returned with the boy who was still misbehaving. She seemed to realize that it was time to go and started to pack up. At this point the misbehaved boy wandered up the beach towards the path that leads to the road. She was not aware of this at all and only realized that he was gone when someone grabbed her attention and pointed in his direction. He could have easily wandered into the road and been hit by a car (there are no stop signs at the path crossing). When she returned with the boy he re-entered the water (with his "time out" towel in hand) and then resisted leaving the beach altogether. It took her about 10 minutes or more to get him out of the water and to the car. She was extremely frustrated and bewildered.
I am reporting this sighting not to get the Nanny in trouble or fired, but to reprimand the parents of these children for leaving their 5 year twin boys, one who obviously has severe behavioral problems, with someone who is not trained to deal with them. This boys behavior was out of the norm and no one, not even someone like me who has extensive experience working with children with behavioral/emotional problems, would have an easy time directing him or keeping him safe. The Nanny's full attention had to be on this boy and therefore the other child was left to fend for himself. In fact, as they were preparing to leave the other boy broke down in tears because his snack had been left out for the birds to eat because the Nanny had to chase after his brother. This is just not fair. The misbehaved boy would do much better in a structured camp setting with staff that is trained to work with children with behavior and emotional difficulties. I do not fault the Nanny or the child for the events that occurred today, I fault the parents who are most likely in denial about their child's issues. Please find your child and Nanny some help so that no one gets hurt! I recommend both parents and child read 1-2-3 magic to help with the behavior problems.
63 comments:
Sounds like the nanny isnt quite experienced enough to deal with trouble makers.
Also sounds like his parents need to give him a nice smack to the bottom. (Please don't flip about spanking. I support spanking 100% especially in these situations and people screaming abuse and emotional trama just make me laugh.)
The parents are either in denial that they have a trouble making boy, or he only does this for the nanny.
In either case maybe she should go to a job with only one child, or older children who have outgrown this stage.
let us not go the way of the spanking debate, for you will always be wrong.
Sounds like a nice day at the beach was marred by this spectacle.
You know what...raising kids is hard. Even with 1-2-3 Magic and adequate training, problems frequently occur.
It bothers me that "I Saw Your Nanny" is turning into "I Saw Badly Behaved Children."
well said..maybe parents dont want to know that there son has a problem....its just a 5 year old boy...
I am so sick of people who say spanking is abusive,No it is not. There is nothing wrong with giving a child a swattle on the behind if they are misbehaving,I know plenty of people wwho were spanked when they were little myself included and you know what i turned out just fine thank you.Now i dont believe in spanking a child until thier behind is all red and swelled because that would be considered abuse.
I am pro-spanking, however, that is not what this post is about.
I wonder if the parents are aware of the boy's behavior. I also wonder if they are aware their nanny is taking them somewhere to got swimming but she is not dressed for such an activity. I am glad to see, for a change, that the nanny did recognize the boy's misbehavior and attempt to correct it. I am often shocked at how many children get away with misbehaving!
Also, I don't necessarily agree that this child has issues. He could just be a normal 5 year old testing his boundaries. Perhaps the nanny is new and the boy is trying to see what he can get away with before she really loses it.
1. Nanny should have been more involved with the children from the getgo and perhaps the fighting would not have started.
Secondly, Nanny should have been dressed in a suit.
Lastly, when the child or children swam in the water, the nanny should have went in and brought them out.
To me, this is a nanny who cannot control the children. I do not agree with attacking the children at all. Everyone knows when the old, feeble subsitute teacher arrives to sub for a day, the kids go wild. Why is that?
Let us not blame the innocent children nor be pressured to send in our sightings to suggest that things could be the fault of the children.
I thought this read as a bad nanny sighting by someone who was sympathetic to the possibility that she was possibly dealing with a badly behaved child. A fact that OP may have put in her post since so many OPS get "screamed at" because they supposedly dont know what was going on and they should be correcting the behavior. yadda yadda.
Nannies aren't perfect, and neither are mothers. I just wonder what was going on with YOUR children while you were so intent on watching this nany's every move.
Kids have bad days. As do parents. AND nannies. Majority of these posts seem to be mountains out of mole hills. Ragardless of your stance on spanking (its your opinion everyone is allowed to have their own, no use in argueing about it because there will never be a "Winner") it sounds like she was in a little over her head. I feel for her, maybe she should stick to a smaller place for the boys to play... such as a fenced in pool.
I think her only offence was that she just bit off more then she could chew. Hopefully she learned.
I sympathize with the nanny. This degree of misbehavior is not "normal" for a five year yo, but more typical of a three yo. It is hard to know what is going on. Since the other child seemed to be well behaved, my guess is the problem is not lack of discipline from the parents, or his relationship with the nanny. If he does have developmental issues, I hope the parents get him some help.
I dont sympathize with the nanny. She had to know there were issues and she takes them to a beach? Glad no one drowned!
I don't think it was very smart to take the boys to the beach, when she has trouble managing them.
I agree that if she has problems, the beach is an awfully dangerous place to test the boys out, but I don't think the boys actions (as they were described) were that horrible. I remember being 5 and throwing tantrums, but it's something you grow out of. Even the 8 year old I take care of now has tantrums, and his mother is great!
It doesnt seem like nanny was ready to deal with these two on the beach. But OP, what is your damage? They are 5. They are not in a fancy restaurant. They are on the beach. Maybe they are just getting their ya ya's out?
Maybe, the nanny didn't want to take the kids to the beach. Could be the parents insisted she take them. I feel sorry for her. Its hard being a nanny or babysitter. They are not your kids not even family. So you may want to discipline them a certain way and you know you can't. I worked for a family, that was in denial that their daughter had behavioral issues. Even when the teacher tried talking to the mother, the mom would say at home that the teacher is a bitch. Which was totally untrue she was so nice. Even after the school psychologist called the mom at work she still was in denial. What can a nanny do? Most parents don't want to admit their child has a problem. Maybe, an underlying disorder as ADHD or Autism. Or could be as simple as a child missing their parent, or a child thats too spoiled.
The diagnosis teachers & doctors miss time and again is FAS. All these wino moms on UB. There children's behavior is not just adhd or autism but the adhd and pdd and autism like symptoms are symptoms of fetal alcohol effect.
If the nanny cannot handle the children, she needs to communicate that with the parents. I am not assessing blame, I just wouldn't want my nanny taking my children anywhere she could not control them.
FAS is easy to diagnose
FAE gets missed ALL the time.
The combination of this nanny with these two twin boys is an accident just waiting to happen.
I do feel for the nanny, but really, if you're letting children swim, you MUST be prepared to go in the water, suit and all.
I think it is likely that the mom told the nanny to take the boys to the beach that day. Since she had no advance warning the nanny didn't bring a swim suit to work.
it sounds like this nanny was having a bad day and her judgment was off. good thing nothing happend. she should have been dressed in something that could get wet so she could be in the water with the boys and it does sound like that boy needed a good spanking. anyone who disagrees with that needs one too!
Is this the beach you need to take a ferry out to? No one but Greenwich residents can go there, right? Should be easy to find out who the boy's parents are.
And people think British nannies are so "wonderful"..."just like Mary Poppins"...HA!!!
mary poppins was a crafty bitch.
The bad kid sounds like a spoiled brat to me. He needs to be disciplined. The problem with parenting nowadays is that we 'help' kids (instead of having them face the consequences) when they are being bratty. That is why we are now raising little "entitled" monsters who even physically threaten their parents, caregivers, and teachers. If any of my kids decide to get in trouble when they are older, I will not call an attorney, I will call boot camp.
I worked for a family where it was obvious to me (a former special education teacher) that the DD had a mild case of autism. However, this is something that will never get presented to the parents because: A) they pay an extensive amount of money to send her to a private school where there is no need for 'special education', B) the pediatrician is their friend, so he would never want to be the one to tell these high-powered people of their daughter's situation, C) whenever a nanny figures it out they get fired...
so sad the things money can cover up. This poor girl is going through life lost when she could be getting support for her special needs and living a more fulfilling life.
Kelly, are you for real?
People come on here and defend the pushing, pulling, ignoring of children and with this little snippet, you are ready to pronounce this innocent child as a monster?
I hope you are not a nanny!
This board is not for CHILD HATERS.
i agree with kelly
6:37....Is your name really "pau;" ? What nationality is that??? LOL! Makes me wonder what kind of intern you are.
Paul
I've seen him before
4:42....I knew he meant Paul. It just kills me when people don't proof read what they type (particularly when they are making ignorant comments). Not that I am perfect. I make typos, but I most certainly would spell my own name correctly!
442, sorry that typos KILL YOU.
I type comments into a box that is 2 inches large. So I guess the question is, how big is your box?
Still, one should really poofread. It's only pofessional.
How does one poofread? Is that anything like proofreading?
Okay getting off the subject of the kids a little, I feel bad for this woman. I know it is very hard to discipline someone else's child, especially if the kid tells the parents. I had to put a kid in time out for kicking his sister, and the parents yelled at me for this! I couldn't believe it. Some kids are spoiled rotten, and his poor brother, he had to watch his sibiling be a jerk and probably ruined his beach time fun.
I just measures it..it is 4 inches by 3 inches. Regardless of your box size, you should be able to spell your own name correctly, for Pete's sake!! My 3-year-old can do that!
If you discipline the child and the child goes home and tells the parent and you get yelled at, how does that make the child spoiled? The child is a victim of asshole parenting. Please do not call children spoiled. At this young age, they are still innocent. Whatever is "wrong" with them is absolutely related to the way they are parented. I am a nanny and have disciplined all ages of children. The difference is I only have worked for responsible and sane parents. So when the children got in trouble or got a time out, they were not eager to let their parents know they had misbehaved because they knew their parents would get on them again. And I work in Greenwich and have for 7 years, for three families.
oh please are you still debating the word paul? you are a nut. adjust your meds.
I am saying the child is spoiled for the way their parents treat them. I should have been more descriptive in saying that this behavior is due to the parents. They let him get away with it. I wish there was a way we could put parents in time out.
k...Ever heard that sentences are supposed to be started with upper case letters?
this isn't English 101, Troll 749-- and we really don't care if k wants to use lower case letters to start a post. Don't you have somewhere to go? I mean, other than here?
Yeah, we all need to "pofessionally poofread" ;)
When one calls a child spoiled, it is a criticism of the parents, not the child.
That doesn't even make sense. How can the children be spoiled? Many misbehaved children are so desperate for love and attention that they act out. And they might live in a great gated, house- they still crave love. So let us not refer to children in a negative way. This blog is about irresponsible adults and their detrimental affects on their charges/children.
The behavior of children has a legitimate cause. Childhood behavior is determined, for the most part, by how children feel about the current state of their physical and psychosocial needs. Needs are strong in every child, and children are, by nature, sensitive to their own needs. If one or more of their needs are not met, children will soon feel uncomfortable.
7:58...considering your comment has nothing to do with the post either and is based purely on butting in, don't YOU have anywhere else to go?
To Pau the intern:
You must be new. This is what I said:
"That is why we are now raising little "entitled" monsters who even physically threaten their parents, caregivers, and teachers". I did not say that I encourage abusing children. I am not a child hater, so grow up.
My parents raised a sweet little boy who did no wrong, never faced the consequences. He is now a well known monster of an adult with attempted murder on his rap sheet. As if that's not bad enough, my parents blew their retirement getting him attorneys rather that letting him rot in jail.
Pau, I also have raised wonderful children as a nanny, and I am raising my own. In the real world, we all need some guidance, otherwise we grow up with a distorted view of the world we live in. People like you who believe that having a child face consequences is abuse, are raising children who think like those inexcusable Columbine kids. Shame on you. We have to raise our children with some direction (not abuse of course), not let them ruin society.
Welcome back Kelly. Where the heck is JMT and the other usual suspects?
Sounds like common sense to me Kelly, I'm with you! Teaching children that hitting, throwing, being generally inconsiderate of others and flat out rude is NOT acceptable, is not "abuse" by any definition.
To drag up the spanking debate, that's why I believe it is not acceptable ever to spank a child, because all it teaches is that the authority figure has the "right" to act out physically in order to get desired results. Right now YOU may be that authority figure but look past the length of your own arm to see where that logic leads...
Kelly...Pau? LOL!!!!
7:58...you are calling someone a Troll? Really? Grow up and maybe think about a little grammer lesson and perhaps a couple months of charm school for yourself.
A 5 year old can be considered a spoiled brat. It doesn't take an adult to know that one's parents are too soft to administer a time out or other non-abusive measure. My 3 year old knows that certain acts are punishable by time out or restricted fun time so she refrains from these acts (eg hitting others). A five year old knows better than to hit others.
A spoiled or spoilt brat is a young child (and eventually a stock character) whose parents let it get its way in most everything and thus engender greed, selfishness, and arrogance in the child. A spoiled brat is usually and typically an only child that is constantly doted on by its parents. Often, if the child gets a response of "no," he or she will scream, shout, cry, hit others, and generally act horrid. ...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spoiled_brat
10:33PM you are CORRECT!
Children have become the new "tiny dictators". They're fawned over, worshipped & catered to until they expect the rest of the world to bow at their little Croc-covered feet.
Who's to blame? Insecure, overindulgent parents who make the mistake of thinking they should be "best friends" with their children.
Children need parents who will PARENT them, not coddle them into full-blown narcissism. And what is this I hear about nannies being "yelled at" by their employers when they give the children rules and boundaries? WTF!?! There should be NO yelling at a nanny who is trying to do her job correctly. What kind of freak screams at a nanny for enforcing the rules?
Then again, REAL parenting is such hard work...few people have the patience, or the qualifications. Better to take all that frustration out on the nanny, huh? How charming.
In my experience as a professional nanny for 11 years in the tri-state NY area, I resent the comments regarding spoiled children. Wikipedia be damned. The children I met who seemed spoiled at first may have been given many 'toys' but received nothing in the form of love, affection or even feedback from their parents. They had round the clock nannies. The nannies were often foreigners, cold, hard Caribbean women who never smiled, smirked and certainly never laughed. The more I learned about the children, the sorrier I felt for them. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. You have no idea how inept parents (and caregivers) torture their children with callous words and empty stares. When a child desperately needs a hug and has no one to go to, that is indeed sad. When a child needs a hug and goes to his mother and she rolls her eyes and walks away....
Denise, you are confusing discipline with neglect and abuse. Let's clear up the bratty kid situation here before getting sidetracked and crying abuse. Also if you think you are hot stuff, them sign on to Wikipedia and provide us with a better definition of spoiled brat. Are you the chick that is trying to infiltrate mom's meet groups?
Newark just lost three beautiful college-bound children to senseless violence courtesy of at least one criminal who could have been brought up correctly. Careless parents put all of us, including you and your children at risk because their children's happiness is above our safety.
i would spank the hell out of that brat.
This is a bad nanny sighting. The end. The parents could be perfectly lovely. The nanny could be perfectly lovely the next day. But on this day, this nanny was not dressed to nanny, nor was she adequately engaged nor was she able to safely handle her charges.
Yes, lets lay the blame on the nanny alone, when in fact the parents and the nanny are to blame. When one of my charges tried to hit me (nobody hits him), I told the parents and they put an end to the nonsense by telling him that his bahavior could cost him some Nintendo time.
that little fucker need to get a spank..lol
how about you all need to mind your business. watch your kids instead of someone else's nanny.
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