Received Saturday, July 7, 2007
"Stop your crying."
"Stop crying, I can't take it."
"I have had enough of you."
"I just can't take you today."
All said by one white nanny to her little child at Bendheim PG late this morning. The nanny wore cut off denim shorts and a white life is good t-shirt in a blue color. The little girl was wearing a pink skirt/skort and a pale pink t-shirt. The little girl was about 3, had brown eyes and dark hair with a headband. The nanny had brown/blonde hair. When the child finally stopped crying, she sat next to nanny and the two of them shared a bottle of water and ate very long slim Jims. I buy Slim Jims for my dog. Besides that fact, your nanny needs to speak to your child in a nicer way. The way she carried on did not help the child to calm down any faster. I don't know why she was crying. She was crying when I arrived. No stroller in or around them.
61 comments:
I'm not seeing the problem. Everyone is entitled to lose their temper and we are all human. You don't know what happened before the sighting.
She didn't curse out or beat up the kid. The choice of snack is irrelevant. She did share, didn't she?
I see a huge problem, 1:44, when this "nanny" is being PAID to take care of this INNOCENT child and she is speaking to her in such a manner.....I cannot believe the behaviors I read about on this website and people actually DEFEND them. I am a licensed childcare provider in the state of Colorado. I would NEVER speak to a child in such a manner..........even on my WORST day.
Do you have children? Have you HONESTLY never said something like this to your kids? I would be willing to bet you have...everyone loses their temper and says things they are later sorry for. That's what this sounds like to me. Not a bad nanny sighting.
BTW...there is nothing wrong with an occasional Slim Jim...read the package...they are actually not as bad for you as people think and everything in moderation, ya know?
Instead of addressing the childs needs, such as is the child tired? Is it to hot to be outside? Is the child hungry? She only cared about her own state of mind. This person should not be nannying.
As for the snacks, my momboss packs our snacks on many occasions. I wouldn't throw that stone in that glass house any day.
Ble,
the child is in a sense "her job". If she can't take her job, has had enought of her job and it results in these kinds of statements from her, then she should exit said job and do something else to earn her living. Bad nanny sighting, it is. Perhaps a sighting of bad nanny behavior is a better way of putting it. Let's hope this is just one isolated incident, but I doubt it.
If a mother tells her child to stop crying its perfectly acceptable but if a nanny does it its a crime?
To the jackass at 426PM,
Well the nanny did not just tell the child to stop crying, did she?
She told the child she could not take her and that she had enough of her. I am guessing OP submitted this due to the tone in which it was delivered. I am not imagining bluebirds dancing on her shoulders as she says this. As a mother of three who has had reason to yell, even scream at my children to stop running, fighting, screaming- I would never make any of their behavior personal. And I would never for one second tolerate a nanny who spoke to my child like this! Get a book, no grab a handful of books on self esteem and hunker down for the afternoon.
So what was suppose to do with the kid? Leave her there. Look I have a 3 year old that crys and screams when we are out in public. I tell her to stop her crying because I don't want to hear it and she is hurting my ears. Maybe I should turn my self into the parent police. The nanny didn't smack the child and if the child was crying she probably didn't her the nanny anyway. So what is the point of this post??
It's 100 percent IMMATURE and IGNORANT parenting to get mad at a child when you are attempting to discipline the child. The OP said this nanny treated the child unkindly. Did you read that? I have a four year old who is going through a behavior problem right now. We consistently address what she is doing and what she needs to do. We, being me and my incredibly competent and compassionate nanny. I don't think this is a horrific nanny sighting but this could be a sign that the nanny is on the verge of losing it with the child.
Did you see childcaregonewrong.blogspot.com
We all have our bad days. I've overheard plenty of them in my day, from secretaries, and VIP's, to Mechanics...you name it, they all say things such as this about their jobs when it's just "one of those days"..."I can't take it today" or "I'm going to quit this damn job!" etc are common phrases to hear from the tired and over worked. We are all human and are entitled to human emotions, and stress and frustration often cause us to say things such as "I can't take it today" which we don't literally mean. I would see a problem if she were yelling, swearing, or acting out of control, but to me it sounds like a normal human reaction to a child giving you a headache. haha I've heard every mother I know say this at one time or another (including my own, sorry mom! haha) Also, regarding the slim jims...give me a break. It's not going to kill the kid every once in a while, and a lot of parents feed their kids this junk! To each their own...
What the hell is wrong with slim jims? I love those things!
Everyone has bad days and says things that they regret. As long as it doesn't go over that line and knows when to stop.
If you haven't said those things to your kid or the kid that you nanny... you have infinite patience and I applaud you. The rest of us humans will sit in awe of you!
OP, I am shocked.
How could you feed your dog slim jims?
You're horrible.
I have a friend who is married (her husband makes a great living) and works part time, and she speaks to her child in that manner...and the little girl is an out-of-control BRAT. On the flip side, I have struggled to raise my 7yo boy on my own since he was two, while also working full-time, and I have NEVER spoken words like that to him, EVER, no matter how completely and totally exhausted or frustrated I am! He is and always has been a perfect angel...he didn't even go through the terrible twos. Spot the difference. My problems are MY problems alone, and shouldn't be taken out on him. I choose my words very carefully (with everyone, not just my son), so that I never HAVE to say "sorry." I treat my child with respect, because he is my flesh and blood, and because NO child deserves to be hurt by being spoken to in the manner in which that nanny did.
830- I also wonder that. My good friend (frenemy) treats her children like that, often acting as if she is exhausted by them and incapable of handling them. The children sense this and sense her anger at them (for their very existence it seems) and so she gets the brunt of their bad behavior. Their Jamaican nanny however is one of those soft spoken, even keeled person. She dishes out punishments but never lets the child know she is frustrated. She should write a book- that one. Or be the next visiting Nanny for ABC's nanny series.
As for 620. Yes, to each his or her own. However saying you can't take a project at your job is a lot different than a three year old child hearing her mother say "I can't take you anymore, I can't deal with you".
There is quite a difference. But since you are so far from the point of being able to comprehend that, I'm not going to bother trying to explain that.
There are huge parenting sections in every bookstore. Buy, borrow, steal a book. Educate yourself. Stop the Ignorance.
8:34:
8:30 here. You said it perfectly: Stop the ignorance. Whatever happened to "Do unto others...?" I can't even watch those nanny shows - I can't BELIEVE people actually need someone ELSE to show them how to parent! It's not that hard, people!
I was watching a nature show. It was about giraffes. The giraffe baby was about 8 months old. Their was a huge storm coming. You should see the hooplah they went through to get the baby giraffe away from her mother for only 2 minutes to get her safely inside. Why in America do women have children and then throw them overboard like underweight halibut for Caribean nannies to raise as their own? Especially ironic, since the Caribbean nannies have such a "strong" maternal instinct that they leave their children for years in the caribbean to come and work in the USA. And you wonder why they don't know to speak kindly? You must have a heart to be a good parent or caregiver. It should not come easily to you to discard your own child.
Who said she was Caribbean??...Talk about ignorance! All Caribbean's are now the same I see...thanks for the lesson I had no idea that a single race/culture of people could all be identical!
I still stick to what I said earlier, people say things they don't mean in frustration! It's not going to kill the kid to hear that she can't be dealt with when she acts out... maybe she'll learn that throwing fits isn't the way to get attention! Oh, and in my mind, the usage of I just can't take it **TODAY** implies to me, that the child does this A LOT and that on this particular day the nanny was struggling with it (like a normal human-being -ahh gasp- !!) 99% of normal humanbeings have had days where they can't take one more fit...
p.s I'm a white mommy and don't need books my kids ARE angels...and I raise them myself tah tah
p.p.s Some of you are really reaching with these, I want a "I saw your mommy site" Oh god know, another mommy fed her child Mc Donold's lets kill her! hahaha
no one said she was caribbean. i thought she was white. i think the or digressed to her own thoughts about mothers who dont raise their own children. i dont agree. but yet- i can see it.
Lorenza, you never had a tough day at your job...even if you normally love it and do it well...where you felt like you could lose it? Wow????I wish I was you. What's it like to be so in control all the time???
I lost it on my stapler on Tuesday. But losing it on a child? That makes you a bully and an asshole. Do good people lose it occasionally, probably. But it doesn't make it right.
ble,
Of course I have had days at work that I felt I was about to lose it, but most of my jobs did not include taking care of children. When I took care of children for pay, I knew that I had to maintain self-control. That was very important to the task and saying "I've had enough of you" to a little child is hurtful and confusing and unnecessary. There are better ways of handling these situations and it is the job of a nanny to be prepared for such times because they do occur. This nanny was clearly out of line.
Out of line, yes, but terrible? Doubtful. You don't know the situation and I just think ANYONE has the potentia to lose their temper in this way...especially with a toddler/preschooler. It was wrong, but not a deal breaker and it sounds as if they made up.
My daughter is 5 years old now and she has been having alot of behavior problems. She tells me to shut up all of the time. I have tried talking, it doesn't work, time out, nope. So one day I asked her to pick up some papers she dropped onto the floor. She told me to shut up and that I wasn't the boss of her. What did I do? I smacked her right in the mouth. Did I feel bad, yes. Did she deserve it? Yes. That is the only time I lost my temper with my child. ONLY after nothing I did worked. After I did it, everyone made me feel bad about it. All I heard was "you should never hit a child, for any reason", "you have emotionally scarred her for life." Because she heard the negative comments I got from people, she started to test me. On Tuesday she threw a bowl of spaghetti (hot) on her baby cousin who was 1, she burned him. I gave her a spanking. Losing your temper with a child is wrong, although it all depends on the situation. In the OP's case, she did not "lose" her temper. She was upset and she voiced it. Two different things.
your child threw the hot spaghetti on her cousin because she experienced pain and humiliation by your gleeful slapping her across the face.
You should be woefully ashamed of yourself instead of congratulating yourself.
If a nanny is indeed a professional, she will not talk to a child like that. Even if she loses it. Like a teacher, she will adhere to a professional level of conduct.
ro...NO ONE said it was right.
1:19 am,
you are the reason for your daughter's behavior problems.
Y O U, your heavy hand and cold heart.
While you didn't exactly say it was right... ble,
you did, in so many words, indicate that it was acceptable. It's not. That's not what the nanny is getting paid for either. She is supposed to be a professional. Nannying IS her profession, correct? I would say, if this were a re-occuring problem, the nanny should GO.
There's losing your patience and ...well, losing your patience. I would be willing to bet that 119's problems with her kid are from a lack of inconsistency. The OP is speaking of a possibly one-time issue. Kids eat worse crap than slim-jims. She obviously made up with the kid as she is sharing a snack.
There's nothing here.
I have roughly 80 employees that report to me. We don't work with children. When I found out someone was stealing scotch tape, I fired her. So, you can bet I would have little tolerance for someone who couldn't handle a child better if they were being PAID to TAKE CARE of the child. Do these nannies have contracts? Job descriptions? I would make certain that they did and those contracts included interaction, constant supervision and appropriate discipline.
Lorenza...let's just agree to disagree. I really don't want to get into a comment arguement, especially since the last comment I made was not even to you.
I'm sorry, but I cannot understand hitting a five year old, slapping her across the face. No child deserves to be slapped. Punished, yes, but all violence teaches kids is that adults are stonger, and it teaches them fear.
I feel sorry for your little spaghetti-thrower...
9:28,
Did they steal one roll or several cases of the scotch tape? I'm curious as to exactly how twisted you are...
new here and I don't understand this. Some of you seem to think it is okay to hit children, talk to children like they are crap and steal?
Anyone who will steal a dime from you will steal a dollar.
11:22, it doesn't matter what the quantity is; it's the act itself. Anyone who steals, no matter what the object or how much, is untrustworthy and must go. I don't see that as "twisted."
Now, as far as hitting goes...I was horribly physically abused as a child, and I swore I would never make my child(ren) feel the pain, humiliation and fear that I did. (I'm the single mother of the 7yo boy.) I have hit him exactly twice, a swat on the butt. The first time, he was four, and he kept running across the street to his friend's house without looking for cars, no matter how many times I told him - yelled, even - that he couldn't do that. (It's a very small, narrow side street, so it seems safe, but cars DO speed at times.) The second time was three months ago, when he opened the front door when I was upstairs. He knew it was a friend of ours, but that's not the point. He no longer runs in the street or opens the door without my permission.
Where I have been living for the past few years, hitting your children is totally acceptable and a normal way of life. That's probably why all of the kids here are mean brats and hoodlums. I never disrespect my child, and would die before hitting him in the face! And thankfully, we are moving out of here next month!
1:19..I went through a simliar experience with my son who is now 9. It is not always the parents fault that a child acts out. Alot of time, the child's environment has changed, or there is something new in their life that they can't adjust to. I had a new baby in my case. If that was my fault then I apologize. My son acted out very very much. To the point where I had to put him in counseling. He was 5 at the time. This was after I spanked him for biting the finger of my 2 month old baby, so much so that I had to bring her to the emergency room. If you tell me that having a baby was my fault that my child was acting out then you all are as crazy as I thought. My son still hasn't really adjusted to having another child in the house. But after reading your posting I kind of felt for you. Try puting your daughter in counseling. It might help, there might be something going on that you might not see.
I'm just glad there was "No stroller in... them" That sounds uncomfortable. :)
HMMMM... the last I knew, I could comment about anyone's comments on here, ble, but no, I do not wish to argue with you. I fully realize that I am just not as desultory with regard to childcare as are you.
to the scotch-tape nazi,
I think it's pretty twisted to fire someone because they stole a role of scotch tape. The amount does matter. Are you telling me that if you took a pen from the office it's the same as stealing a computer?
And as far as your being abused as a child, that makes sense. People who are abused as children grow up to be creepy people who fire their employees for stealing a role of scotch tape.
I wouldn't brag about it. I'd just get therapy.
You are getting your posts mixes up, simple minded thief.
I was not abused.
The employee was stealing scotch tape for use in her home. Any theft is bad. People who steal- steal. People who don't steal-don't steal.
Why would you defend anyone who steals? And call me a nazi? You are misguided, my foe. Misguided.
Most theft arises from opportunity. One day employee has access to excess scotch tape, the next week-the petty cash is in her hands, the next week a computer shipment.
7:18, you are a complete idiot. *I* am the one who posted at 8:30PM yesterday and 2:07 today. In the latter post, it is clear who I am...I am not the boss who rightfully and justly fired the thief.
You show just what kind of person you are by stating that abused children grow up to be, what did you say? Oh, yes, "creepy." You should be ashamed of yourself.
I can say, though, that what I went through as a child made me strong as steel, and helped me perservere in the face of adversity. I can say, without a shadow of a doubt, that if you went through even one quarter of what I have been through, you would have been on your knees in defeat a long time ago. Try showing some class, hmmm?
From what I've read about children who were abused is that they grow up to be abusers themselves.
And that's creepy.
Sorry. It is.
Your comment is absurd and rooted in hate. Is this your attempt to defend the scotch tape thief? Slander the person who shared that she was abused?
A real class act- you are NOT.
10:18
I was abused growing up. I swore I'd never physically or verbally abuse my kids, and I haven't. Were there times that I thought about it..yes, but I didn't and couldn't. I have two girls, ages 13 and 14. Are they perfect..absolutely not. But they are well adjusted, and well loved. So there are people who were abused that do not turn out to be "creepy"
It's actually true that many abusers grow up to abuse their kids.
Why don't you look it up? They are predisposed to that behavior. Unless they get a good therapist, it's likely that it will happen. Sorry you can't face facts.
As far as the scotch tape, I couldn't care less about that. I personally don't take stuff from work. But if I were a boss and I noticed someone walking away with a pen, I wouldn't fire them. That is absurd if you ask me.
11:26, you are correct that many abused children grow up to be abusers themselves. Key word = many. Not all. I was horribly physically, mentally and emotionally abused. "Mommie Dearest" can't hold a candle to what I went through. Did I grow up to be an abuser? Not in any way, shape or form, because I decided to break the cycle. Nor did I ever turn to drugs or alcohol, like so many abused children do, using their abuse as an excuse. There ARE no excuses in this world. I turned out to be a well-adjusted, stable, kind, compassionate, empathetic woman; a wonderful wife and a stellar mother. And ALL without the benefit of your beloved "therapy." I worked hard, myself, to overcome my demons. No one is responsible for their actions but themselves.
However, it would seem that therapy might be of some benefit to you. You seem to enjoy inciting anger in strangers with your parochial mindset.
Yeah, Lorenza...your comment really sounds like you don't want to fight. Whatever. I have better things to do, like raise my two beautiful, sweet children. Good thing I am not as perfect as you...I can't imagine my babies any better or happier than they are! With that, I am done.
to 1:45
I think you are on the wrong board, no offense. Your story is getting old. Go to some abused child support group or something. It's not really what we are here to talk about.
And by the way, what's wrong with therapy? I go and it really helps.
Speaking to a child in a harsh, non-loving way is just as bad as hitting. It's cruel to treat a child like that. I don't care what kind of day the nanny was having. As a caregiver, it's her job to know how to control herself and keep her cool. Maybe she should take some childcare classes to learn how to care for children. If nothing else, she is getting paid to care for that little child. That alone should be a reason.
Yes, children will test you to your limits and some days are worse than others, but speaking to them in a mean way isn't going to help the situation any. Perhaps if she had taken the time to find out what was wrong with the little girl and showed her some love and compassion she could have avoided so much crying. But I’m sure that it was more important to get back to her snack and gossip with the other nanny. The little girl was a distraction.
At three years of age, this little girl is old enough to understand that she is doing something wrong. The nanny could have easily explained to the little girl in a loving and caring way that this behavior is not acceptable and come up with a fun and encouraging way to help. Children sense when they are not liked but it's hard for them to verbalize their frustration so they cry instead. Perhaps she was crying to get some attention.
This nanny is not a good one and should find a different profession. She sounds like many of the frustrated nannies who are not qualified to care for children or have the qualifications to get any other job and find that the childcare profession is an easy one to get into and it pays well. Let’s hope that the parents see this and take action immediately before their child is scarred for life by being yelled at by a nanny who doesn't care about their child.
Tia, you are correct in that this topic got off-course. That's usually what happens when an individual makes inane statements.
Thank you for your concern and suggestions, but I'm 40 years old and doing just fine. I don't need someone else to tell me how to function in daily life. IMHO, therapy is for the weak, but I'm glad it works for you.
10:30,
"therapy is for the weak?"
You are an idiot. Sorry if you were an abused child, but you are just so stupid if you think that.
If you think that, then you really need therapy. Are you saying that abused or molested children who need therapy are weak?
I think your previous statements are bologna, "IMHO." If they were true, you would never make such an ignorant comment. You were never abused, you are just an internet troll making up stories.
Therapy is for the weak, please. How ignorant!!!
Therapy is for the strong who want to take control of their lives...NOT the weak who choose to wallow in pity or blame all their troubles on their past.
Therapy helps one take control of their past to get past it and move on.
10:30, you are way off!
Your comment about the Slim Jim is ridiculous.
ummm... what does it matter if you buy slim jims for your dog? Are you saying people who eat slim jims are lower then dogs? I mean really?
Forget the slim jims. Remember the little girl who is being neglected. Isn't that what this post is about?
Forget the slim jims. Remember the little girl who is being neglected. Isn't that what this post is about?
I agree this is about emotional abuse of a child. However as a someone who eats a macrobiotic diet, the thought of a 2 year old sucking on a salty stick of chemicals and processed fat is somewhat disturbing. But secondary to the way the child was treated.
And in my book, you don't make up by offering someone a slim jim. Or any food for that matter. I S S U E S.
to 2:54
Agreed.
Why are you giving your dog slim jims? they aren't even good for dogs!!
OMG! Someone actually gave child a SLIM JIM????? Quick!!! Call the snack polce! Just please don't tell them that I let my 1 and 2 Y.O. chldren share a bad of M&M's today just because they wanted them!
Give me a break!!!
typo: snack POLICE. Sorry for the errors. Must be the from the soda I just drank!
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