Received Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Physical description of caregiver: older African-American woman with short hair, wearing a turquoise shirt and tan pants
Physical description of child: young Caucasian boy, light brown hair and big brown eyes, wearing an orange and white striped shirt, tan shorts, and brown sandals. Probably between 18 months-2 years.
Venue: Cafe of the Princeton Public Library, Princeton, NJ
Date and time of incident: Tuesday, July 3, between noon and 12:30 pm
Stroller/diaper bag: tan Graco stroller with tan gingham and plaid fabric lining; shiny tan diaper bag.
Description: nanny slapping boy's hands and legs repeatedly for being loud (not in a quiet area of the library, in the ground floor cafe) and dropping his cookie on the floor. Repeated slapping until boy was in tears and crying loudly. Boy's behavior was totally within normal limits for a toddler -- he was not misbehaving, just doing something the nanny didn't want him to do and not sitting quietly in his stroller.
14 comments:
I am glad you posted this because it is better than doing nothing. I am just curious tho, why not say something, give a look, say something loudly to soemone else? I am just curious not judging. Many people have told me that they dont intervene because when they see someone impatient with a child they dont want to make it worse. Is this the case, OP?
Again, posting is better than doing nothing.
I would have called the police to report this incident and waited until they got there to be a witness. If needed, I would have followed her and continued to keep in touch with the police of her whereabouts until the police arrived to make the report. This way, the parents would be sure to know about the incident and there wouldn’t be any back and forth as to whether the story is true or false. With a record it would make it harder for the nanny to get another job caring for children, which she has no business doing. However, I commend OP for reporting this.
He seemed to be behaving as an 18-2 years old child should behave. And even if he wasn’t, he should not be hit by an adult. It’s not right and it serves no purpose. There are many loving ways to teach a child how to behave and hitting is never one of the ways. I am furious that this woman would do something like this.
What if you were OP's employer and she was at the library with your very mobile twenty month old twins?
As an employer, my nanny has told me things and never once have I suggested that she get involved. I feel badly about that-but not terribly.
7:01 PM
I am in total agreement. I might say something if I were alone, but I would never get involved if I had my charges with me. You just don't know how someone who is already out of control might respond.
I am the person who posted this. This is what I did:
1) Told her to stop hitting the child. That hitting wouldn't work to change his behavior and that all she was doing was teaching him that big people can hit little people. Asked her if his parents knew that she was hitting him. She said yes.
2) Talked to two police officers outside in the plaza and told them what I'd seen. They said they'd check it out, but that parents/caregivers have the legal right to use reasonable force to discipline their children. :(
3) Talked to the children's librarian. Found out from her that this nanny is known as "Bad Nanny" to the library staff. That they have seen enough to prompt them to call this boy's parents on their cell phones (information from the boy's sign-up for story time), and they've consulted child psychologists and the cops. THE PARENTS HAVE NEVER RETURNED THEIR CALLS. Un. Freaking. Believable.
Unreal. Someone needs to call CPS on the PARENTS! Allowing your child to be abused, is just as bad as doing it yourself.
That is what people who lament on here, "why didn't you do something instead of coming here to blog about it don't understand".
Having tried to help a child known to me out of harm, at every turn I was told by someone- a doctor "I cant discuss it with you", a family member, "I don't want him angry with me", a teacher "I can't get involved", another parent "he knows too many people".
Everyone wants to pass the buck. And there isn't a whole lot you can do if you are not the child's parents. So here is hoping the parent sees this posting and all of them from the last three days.
I find this troubling...
To Jane the OP / 8:18: Thank you very much for doing all that you did. I am so glad you talked to the police. It is horrifying that this nanny is able to get away with hitting this child. If she is comfortable doing this in a public space like the library, then it is absolutely certain that it is far, far worse at home when she is alone with the child.
I have something to add about #3 in your 8:18 posting. If the librarians were not specific when they left messages for the parents on their cell phones, it does not surprise me at all that the calls were not returned. If the message was unspecific, then the parents easily could have assumed that they were being called because their child was too loud for storytime or some such reason. Their Nanny probably already tells them the child is loud, or whatever. The parents were probably afraid the librarians would ask that their child not return to storytime. I urge you to talk again with the librarians and ask them to call again, being very specific with their phone messages on the parents' cell phones. They should continue calling until they get a return phone call. Thank you so much for your efforts!
"Bad Nanny"???
Any parents who knowingly employ a bad nanny are bad parents. What an honor to have acquired such a nickname and what a shame for the parents to continue to allow this montster around their child.
Another horrible nanny outed. What makes these despicable women think that they are in any way qualified to care for a child? As for the parents, I pray that when they fully realize the gravity of the situation, they will take appropriate action.
I agree with the poster who said the library staff should be more clear in their messages. I bet that the parents blew off the calls for the very reason she mentioned.
It could be that the library wasn't clear with their messages. They should have requested a call back and said it was urgent.
Here's another scenario for the calls from the librarian that were never returned. What if the nanny has access to the answering machine or voice mail, and intercepted and deleted the messages before the parents evr had a chance to hear them? If she has no trouble hitting this child, then I'm sure she has no problem deleting a few messages to preserve her job.
Finally, someone who has the courage to stand up and protect a child. Children have become "fair game" in this world and it is about time people start getting involved rather than burying their heads and running away. I applaud this compassionate and courageous woman who called the police. As for the Librarians: they should be calling the police and DYFUS, not the parents!
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